Is Your Fire Burning You Out with Eric Tivers

0:01Boom! Shake the room, Fire Nation. JLD here and welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire. The only daily show interviewing the world's top entrepreneurs seven days a week. Today, we'll be breaking down, is your fire burning you out? To drop these value bombs, I brought Eric Tivers into EO Fire Studios. Eric is a licensed clinical social worker, ADHD coach, and host of ADHD Rewired. He's dedicated to helping ADHD adults live more intentional lives while avoiding burnout. And we'll talk about how burnout is so real, how to fuel your fire without getting burned, the power of intentional living, how to escape the toxic productivity and hustle culture, and oh, so much more.

0:37And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Eric and our sponsors. Have you ever said to yourself, one day I will write a book? If yes, then I have an opportunity for you. Author 100 is a 100-day program where I will personally guide you one-on-one to create, write, publish, and market your book. I will provide daily guidance and mentorship every step of the way. head over to author100.com to sign up for a free call with me to chat about the details. author100.com. Eric, say what's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with.

1:18Hustle culture is toxic culture. In Fire Nation, that's why we're talking today about, is your fire burning you out? This is Entrepreneurs on Fire. We are talking to Fire Nation. We need to be energized and passionate, but is your fire burning you out? Because burnout, Eric, it's real. And a lot of people, they don't even recognize it before it's too late. So talk to us. How can we identify those subtle signs of burnout in our day-to-day life? In some ways, it's kind of, it could be similar to symptoms of, say, depression, where the things that, you know, once interested you aren't interesting to you anymore.

1:56And it just feels like everything that you used to once like you know, especially in around work and your business just feels like a slog, feels like, oh, I can't activate. I can't get myself going on, on these things. And just not having that sort of mental sort of capacity to, to do the kinds of problem solving, to, to sort of have that resilience, to have that tenacity, you know, especially if it is a marked difference from what it once was? You know, I'm going to be kind of vulnerable here and a little honest is I went to Iraq and I spent 13 months and I came back from Iraq and I traveled immediately.

2:35So I kind of took my mind off of things. And then I finally settled down and went to law school and law school was very stressful. It's kind of my first stressful experience since I came back from Iraq. And I'll tell you, I started dealing with PTSD and I started dealing with burnouts. And I knew that it was happening when I loved watching the New England Patriots. Like that was my football team. I could just turn that game on every Sunday and I would be so excited about every touchdown, so devastated about every loss. Like I was so into every single game. And I remember watching that game and I just felt nothing.

3:07I felt no excitement. I felt no pain, no pleasure. And I was like, oh my God, like something is wrong. Like that's when I knew it. And that's why when you just mentioned that, I really connected with that because I'm like, man, that's when I knew that I really had to really seek help and really look outside of what I was currently doing because, man, I was in a not great place. So I want to talk now about fueling our fire without getting burned because, I mean, listen, I was a passionate person. I still love to get excited about things, so I still wanted to fuel my fire, but I didn't want to be burned out.

3:43I didn't want to get burned. So give our listeners today some strategies to help us stay motivated and productive without sacrificing our health and wellness. This whole 80, 90, 100 hour work week that so many people in our culture have worn sort of as this like badge of honor, like this status symbol, right? And, you know, maybe when we're in our early 20s and we're just starting out, like we can do that. But that is not at all a way, a sustainable way to do business. You know, I've I've been self-employed for 15 years, online business for 10. And for, you know, good eight and a half, nine years, it was all growth.

4:24And I personally, I had burnt out pretty significantly. You know, so here I'm about to turn 44 here and doing the online business for a little over 10 years. And by all measures, I've been pretty successful with it. and you know and then sort of the business climate with uh because what i do is adhd coaching i'm a clinician as well this it changed and what um what was working wasn't working anymore and i think that you know i just i kind of kept feeling the subtle signs of burnout and i kind of just kept pushing it you know pushing it down because it's not a convenient time right now to be burnt out and you know i just got to this point where i'm like i can't do this anymore right and it's to sort of have this this passion that I have this this work that I do that's extremely meaningful to me and just feeling like I'm like literally feeling like where's my fire like I don't know where it is I can't get I can't activate to do the stuff that I once was doing I need to let my whole team go earlier in this year and you know I got to this point where actually last year I was at a conference and my my team who was there kind of staged a little bit of an intervention there was a uh there was a session that was specifically about burnout and it was like uh okay i i know this i know i need to be taking more time for myself and and i kind of i just wasn't really doing it and then you know come this summer um you know i lead online coaching groups and you know we typically have multiple groups kind of going at once and this summer the way our schedule was you know i was doing an afternoon group where i had and i had two coaches one did a morning when I did an evening group and just the way the schedules worked out in the the how we filled that my section only had two spots in our section and that does not make for a group so I was like all right I'm going to see if I can get these two people to go into these other sections which I did and I was kind of forced to take the summer off and honestly thank goodness that I did because I I was able to spend some more time and just kind of reflection I a couple years ago I started riding a motorcycle and I started did some motorcycle trips and it was really having that sort of time away from the business that I really realized how bad the burnout had gotten and identify what I really needed to be able to sort of fuel myself to kind of reactivate, to reignite that fire.

6:52Because, you know, as I'm turning 44 years old, I know that the next, you know, I still have 20 plus years of work ahead of me and I know I cannot do it the way I did the first 10 years or I will not last another two years. That is powerful because Fire Nation, we're here for the long term. We're here for the long road. And the more people that you can help along the way, the more beneficial you're going to be. And you can't help others when you can't help yourself, when you're completely burned out and you're feeling nothing. So let's dive into the power of intentional living, Eric. Just the idea of like, what is it that we want to be doing?

7:30You know, sure, we have these, we have goals and we have things that we want to do, but like, let's zoom out and realize that life is so profoundly more than just about, you know, what is in the bank account, what we're doing with our work. Even when we're doing meaningful sort of purpose, values-driven work, if that's all we are doing, you know, what is it that we're going to be actually ending up with, right? If, because we, I think we need balance. We need perspective. We need other areas of life that are not related to our work and to our business to actually help us with our work and our business.

8:07You know, we need outside perspective. We need time away. We need, you know, to be able to have time for, you know, for fun and for, you know, for making sure we're taking care of our health. And, you know, just being really intentional about what it is that we are wanting and sort of keeping that that sort of light, that intention, you know, front and center. You know, for myself as somebody who has ADHD, it's real easy to just respond to the shiny object that's getting my attention at that moment. So if I don't do very specific, intentional things to remind myself what my sort of core why is.

8:43And so, you know, we have these we call them ahas, those big insights. But then we also have rehash. The rehash are those lessons we seem to keep learning over and over and over again because we're not actually learning a lesson. Right. And so when we have those kinds of experiences of, OK, I can't keep working 60, 70, 80 hours a week, but then we keep doing it. What are we doing to be more intentional to to make sure that we are actually like we've recognized that now? how are we going to align that, that intention with our action, which is, you know, a big part of what ADHD is. It's like, we, we have good intentions.

9:19We don't always line up with the reactions. So whether it's having accountability I'm a huge advocate for accountability because I know what it is I want to do. And sometimes my brain just has other ideas that it wants to do. But my future self will always thank me for, for following through with what I initially intended on doing. So there's accountability, keeping those goals and your big sort of why, your big purpose, really front and center. One of the things that I like to do is I will put on my Google calendar as a repeating event that goes on for the entire week. So, because you can put a whole sentence in there and have that repeat every week.

9:56And I will put in there my top three goals for the year and my like word that I, or theme that I've identified for the year. So when I'm looking at my calendar, which I look at my calendar all the time, I am constantly seeing that. Fire Nation, I really hope you're absorbing what Eric is saying. I mean, he's lived this, he's breathed this, he's coached this for a very long time now. I mean, if you had to say, Eric, how many people approximately, give us a round number, have you worked with over the years? Just in my group coaching program, a little over 1 ,200 people. And then, you know, lots of one-on-ones.

10:29And then if I were to expand that even to all the Q &As I've done and, you know, people I've reached on the podcast, maybe a million. I mean, think about that, Fire Nation. That's real data. Those are real analytics that Eric's able to pull from as he's talking about this stuff. And we're going to be talking about escaping the toxic productivity and hustle culture, how rest isn't a reward, and so much more when we get back from thanking our sponsors. Travel has always been a top priority for Kate and I. And since having a baby, you might say travel looks a little bit different. but we're committed to continuing our travels with Bo in tow.

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12:53I created Author 100 to share my experience and the lessons I've learned along the way, and I can't wait to share it with you. If you're interested in learning more, head over to author100.com and sign up for a free call with me. That's author100.com. So Eric, we're back, and I wanna talk about escaping the toxic productivity and hustle culture. Take it away. When I first got introduced to Brene Brown, work um you know she talks a lot about shame but one of the things that she talks about is this idea that we have to let go of productivity as a status symbol right and sort of and like this this and break perfectionism and all these things that you know in in so many ways our culture kind of rewards this this idea like oh i pulled two all-nighters in a row so you get this thing done.

13:44It's like, and we, and people get celebrated by that. I used to celebrate that myself. And I remember when I first learned this, uh, was introduced to Brene Brown's work. And I heard her talk about this sort of letting go of productivity, um, as a measure of our self-worth, it was, it was a punch in the gut. And it has been something that I have been trying to really course correct ever since. Um, and this is, you know, going on 10 years now. And it's like, I, Like, you know, even when I think I've made progress on this, I keep realizing that, oh, I still have more to do sort of in this domain.

14:19You know, especially I think with COVID, I think that so many of us have kind of just like said, all right, it's that's done and behind us. And we haven't actually dealt with it. And I think that like not dealing with what, what so many of us have dealt with throughout COVID is we kind of just the trauma of that kind of under the rug. And now we're all kind of just walking around with this, like something doesn't feel right. And I talked to more and more people who have been experiencing that as well. So in good ADHD fashion, John, I totally forgot your question. escaping the toxic productivity and hustle culture.

14:56I mean, you've been talking all about it and I want to move into rest isn't a reward. What do you mean by that? Our brain needs it. Our brain absolutely needs rest. And, you know, we've heard things like, oh, well, I'll sleep when I'm dead. Well, if you're not resting, constantly going, well, you're going to hurry up that timeline real fast. For real. And the research shows that. And you know it's and i don't know about you john i i struggle with with getting enough sleep and it's something that i've i've struggled with for a long time and i'm always working on you know because one of the things too is that we know that if we are regularly not getting enough sleep and that you know healthy deep sort of rem uh rem sleep in that fourth rem state like we are basically asking for early onset dementia and alzheimer's it's so trail so it's like okay like great we're we're kicking it now, but like, we're going to be kicking the can real soon if we're not taking care of ourselves.

15:49I mean, listen, I am proud of the fact that I go to bed every night at 9 PM. And you know how I figure that out? You know how I do that? I wake up at 5 30 AM and guess what people are like, but that's so early. I can't, I can't operate at 5 30 AM. Um, wake up at 5 30 AM for 30 days in a row. And the beautiful thing about that is you will be so excited to crawl to bed at 9 p.m. and you'll be out and you'll get a nice seven, eight, maybe even eight and a half hours of just quality sleep throughout the night. My best quality sleep, and I've been tracking this for a long time with Oura Ring, it happens before midnight.

16:24It always happens before midnight, my best quality sleep. And so people that are going to bed at 11 and 12, in my opinion, they're missing out on the best opportunity for their quality sleep to happen. And I wake up at 5.30 a.m. and I'm like, I'm ready to take my dog for a walk, get outside, be active. Like, let's go. And I want to talk about building a burnout proof system that can sustain us for the long run. What does that look like, Eric? In my coaching program, I use the book, The One Thing, I'm sure you're familiar with. And I have re-listened to that book, I think seven times. And I don't think it was until the seventh time that I listened to that book.

17:03Did it actually like land in my brain that the first thing you got to plan in your year is your time off and which you know at the time i just found that to be sort of comically ironic uh because i know i was feeling the burnout and knowing how important that is because you know if we look at our calendar say this week or next week it's going to be busy if we look at it in three six months it's going to be a lot more open space you got to go capture that open space and protect it and have that time off, you know, so whether it's taking time off for a vacation or even adjusting your schedule. So you're doing something, you know, every day or most days out of the week that is energizing for you.

17:42I'm a big, I play a lot of pickleball. And so one of the things that I've done with my schedule is typically I do not even get into my office until somewhere between 11 a.m. to noon, right? Because I'm playing a couple hours of pickleball in the morning because my, that works really well for my brain and it's way cheaper than therapy too. too. That's part of building a burnout proof system to sustain us in the long run. Anything you want to add to that, Eric? And I think just like knowing what your tendencies are, because we can all have that those tendencies. So let's say our tendency is like we know we push, we push, we push.

18:14That's our tendency. So what can we then put in place that kind of pulls us away or sort of protects us from not kind of driving ourselves until we've hit absolute exhaustion. I know a lot of people who they don't stop working until they have just collapsed in exhaustion. And we really need to stop before that point. Even, you know, one of the things I'm trying to work on too is kind of midday breaks. One of the things that I've noticed is that when I have meetings all day, my brain just gets real kind of foggy. And one of the things that I am trying to work on is, all right, noticing about the average sort of length of time in my workday, What kinds of meetings sort of lead me to feel that way?

18:56And how can I kind of get in right before that point and actually take some time away from my office, whether it's going for a 15, 20 minute walk or just not working these 10, 12 plus hour days, which is something I used to do all the time, but it's now something that I kind of refuse to do. Eric, we've talked about a lot of things today, the power of intentional living. We've talked about escaping toxic productivity, how rest isn't a reward, it's required. shared, what's the one thing you want to leave our audience with? You want to make sure that we get from today's conversation and then give us a call to action to connect with you, to learn more from you.

19:31If you are feeling this like, oh, I think I'm burnt out, stop ignoring it. You know, there was, as I was feeling this, I was actually interviewing someone on my podcast who shared that that they ignored their feelings of burnout for years and years and have actually now because of that have had to go on social security disability they literally aren't they weren't functioning and i remember hearing that and seeing myself like that if i didn't change something that was probably the path that i would end up on and it was it was a wake-up call i kept having all these these signs and a lot of us have these signs and it's inconvenience you know we have these businesses says that we're trying to run and like, we don't have time to do this.

20:17You know, it's like that, that all outage, like you can't just find time. You have to make time. And I think that is so, so true. If you are starting to feel any kind of even like little bits of burnout, pay attention to it because it will kick your butt before you know it. If you don't. Fire Nation, you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. You've been hanging out with ET and JLD today. So keep up that heat. For links to everything we talked about, visit eofire.com. Type Eric in the search bar and the show notes page will pop right up. And Eric, what call to action do you have for Fire Nation today?

20:52I would say if you're interested in some of the stuff that I'm talking about, just come on over to my website at adhdrewired.com. You can find, we have a coaching program that we do, a podcast. We have a coworking community that we have. So lots of cool stuff going on, adhdrewired.com. Eric, thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation today. For that, we salute you and we'll catch you on the flip side. Thanks so much. Hey, Fire Nation, a huge thank you to our sponsors and Eric for sponsoring today's episode and Fire Nation. Are you ready to rock your very own podcast?

21:27Check out our free podcasting course where I will teach you how to create and launch your podcast for, you guessed it, free, freepodcastcourse.com. I'll catch you there or on the flip side. Have you ever said to yourself, one day I will write a book? If yes, then I have an opportunity for you. Author 100 is a 100-day program where I will personally guide you one-on-one to create, write, publish, and market your book. I will provide daily guidance and mentorship every step of the way. Head over to author100.com to sign up for a free call with me to chat about the details. author100.com.