Prosper from the Inside Out with Joan Sotkin

0:28Boom! Shake the room, Fire Nation. problems are never about money. Never. We'll talk about five main feelings people act out through their money. And we'll talk about some easy ways to cope with the chaos and thrive financially and oh, so much more. And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Joan and our sponsors. Fire Nation, this is your year to get unstuck and to grow a successful business. Attend the world's highest rated business growth workshop taught personally by Clay Clark and now featuring football star Tim Tebow and President Trump's son, Eric Trump, at Thrivetimeshow.com slash EO Fire.

1:02Again, request life-changing tickets today at Thrivetimeshow.com slash EO Fire. Joan, say what's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with. Stop focusing on the money. People think that if they manifest money, they'll be successful. Success has much more to do with how you feel, what your life is like, and the money is just a side effect. Fire Nation, that's why today's topic is prospering from the inside out, and Joan is a master at this. And you believe, Joan, that our financial problems are never about money, as you just alluded to.

1:45So let's expound upon that. Tell us more. Okay, so people think they're doing something wrong or something's going on externally when they can't make the money that they want to make. I believe that we bring from childhood emotions that we learned by the time we were seven. And those emotions are the creative force behind our life stories and our financial outcomes. So if you have a habit, an emotional habit of being disappointed, then you're going to keep getting disappointed. You're going to give your subconscious the signal, I like disappointment. Why don't we make some disappointment? And that goes for many parts of your life, including your financial success.

2:39Now, here's the thing, Fire Nation. Most people don't think about how our childhood experiences actually affects our financial outcomes. And as Joan's mentioning and talking about, that can be a mistake. So, Joan, I want to dive deeper here. Can you talk about this? You're formed by not only your experiences in childhood, by the emotions that you inherit from your parents, from the things that you learn in early childhood. And it's not about what's going on today. It's what you bring to the table today. When I do a session with a client, the first thing I ask is, what does your father do for a living?

3:25What does your mother do for a living? And how many siblings did you have? And where were you in the birth order? And that story, People don't give me one word answers. And the story that they give me gives me an idea of how they feel today about what's going on in their life and how they're responding to what's happening. I don't think there is good or bad. I think there is what is. And how you respond to what is is what affects the outcomes of your life. Now, you believe that there are five main feelings that people act out through their money. Let's go through the first three. Aloneness, shame, and anger.

4:14Okay, let's start with aloneness. So kind of expound upon that and then maybe give a real world example around that emotion. Okay, to me, this is the prime one. Because when you feel alone, remember, your subconscious gets the message from you and helps you act out what you're telling it. So, so many people, particularly today, loneliness is known as being an epidemic. And when you feel separate and alone, it's very hard to draw in what you need to not only be financially comfortable, but to enjoy yourself. Now, there's a lot of people who make a lot of money, and I've been around wealth and celebrity all my life.

5:09And having either one of those does not ensure that you feel good about yourself or that your health is good. I believe a lot of your health is caused by your emotions because they affect your entire nervous system. It's much more complicated than most people in the prosperity space talk about. They talk about thoughts, beliefs, and manifesting. It's a word that really bugs me, as if you just wish for it and it shows up. It's a whole lot more than that. But if you look at how people are often acting today, they're pushing to accomplish and perform. And that starts in early childhood. Recently, I got in touch with a feeling within myself that I worried about not measuring up.

6:07And I realize now after talking to other people, because I know if it's true for me, it's true for at least 100 other people, that this feeling of not measuring up really matters. And that perpetrates aloneness. Because if I don't feel validated, if I don't feel connected, then it's really hard to feel a part of. And so many people feel like outsiders and like who they are doesn't matter. And so we kind of put that together in the feeling of aloneness. and the loneliness comes from expecting people to respond to you in a certain way and they never do because you can't control how people respond and that sense of aloneness that emptiness I was a suicidal depressive for 15 years wow and so I know that feeling when I gave up sugar within a week I wasn't depressed anymore.

7:14That's a whole nother story. And that feeling of heaviness in your heart and why doesn't anyone love me? And why can't I feel more connected? I think that what we really need is not money, but feeling connected. If someone says to me, I need more money, I'll say, It's never about money. It's your need to feel connected and a part of. That's powerful. And I'd love to dive more into that sugar thing. I mean, we have time later, but listen, I've always said sugar is the devil, period, end of story. So Joan, let's talk about feelings two and three in the same kind of manner. Kind of go through those with an example.

8:00Okay, so shame. I think you all probably understand what shame is. When you look at your bank account and the bottom line, do you say, oh wow, isn't that wonderful? More often, you say to yourself, I should be making more. Why does Joe Schmo make so much more than I do? Why can't I live up to everybody's expectations. What's wrong with me that I can't be who I'd like to be? That's shame. And shame is something we learn early in childhood. Religious training teaches us shame. Our society, particularly in America, teaches us shame, to be shamed of our body parts, to be shamed of how we behave. I know I was punished for talking from kindergarten through high school.

9:03They didn't know I was practicing my craft. So I couldn't stop talking because that's my talent. And I got to the point in later life, particularly when I was doing a podcast, that I was always aware that they might shame me for talking so much. And yet people tell me what I say has value. And so I've seen myself how shame gets in the way. So if you're ashamed of how you're living, what your bank account is, how much money you make, be aware of that and try to ask yourself, am I feeling shame? What does shame feel like? When I was teaching myself emotions, I came from a family where the rule was Sotkins don't feel.

9:57And I wondered why I was crying all the time. So when I started on the path of self-improvement, I made a list of 50 feelings and I would practice them. And you can do that. You can see a shame word, not a shame word, a feeling word and say, do I know how to feel that? It's amazing how many people have no idea how to feel successful. And if you don't know how to feel successful, but you're really good at shame, then you're going to do that most of the time. And remember, your subconscious leads you to situations that allows you to experience the feelings that are habitual for you. So, John, can you think of a time when shame got in your way?

10:50You may not want to share that. No, I'll share it right now, actually, because it is something that's come up for me. It was when I was a child, actually. I can remember my dad called me downstairs in a very stern voice, and he was sitting at our kitchen table doing our taxes, and he like maybe come over and like look at what he was doing and then he looked at me and he said these words he's like do you realize how much money you cost me and like oh my god I felt very shameful in that moment I was like ashamed of like leaving the lights on or like taking a hot shower or like going to school and having needing new clothes like I felt shame in that moment.

11:32And like, I really did bring that with me forward. And I'm sure, you know, and you could, you're much more of an expert than me on this, that, you know, it's still with me to this day. Absolutely. So where do you feel the shame? When you think of something, either that experience, or something today, where you're aware of the shame, most people don't realize that they're feeling their feelings in their body. When you feel shame, it's not like you're feeling expanded and wonderful. You're feeling contracted. I mean, I work with a lot of men who have no feeling vocabulary, but they do understand the difference between feeling expanded or contracted.

12:18And when you're feeling contracted, just think about that, whether it's shame or aloneness or any of those uncomfortable feelings. I don't like the word negative feeling. Those uncomfortable feelings, you feel like hiding inside. It's like I don't want to show people who I really am. And you feel that in your body. And there's a simple way to deal with that is you take a deep breath. at the moment that you feel it, and then just allow yourself to feel that you're expanding. Doesn't that seem easy? It does. And because, remember, your subconscious is the one that's running the show. Yeah. And you have brain plasticity, which means you can always build new neural pathways.

13:16So if you do this thing around shame that I just suggested, then you're going to build new neural pathways and have new responses to familiar stimuli. Fire Nation, you can just see that Joan is a wealth of information. I mean, this woman is 84 years old and she is still rocking the mic. She is still delivering massive value. And if you think we're even close to done dropping value bombs, you have another thing coming as soon as we get back from thanking our sponsors.

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15:54She has a new podcast that's out. You can check that out and more. But what I want to dive into right now, Joe, because I'm just curious on some easy, inexpensive ways to help us cope with the chaos and thrive financially. You think there's a little bit of chaos going on? And, you know, I don't care when you're listening to this, whether it's now or a year from now, it's going to be chaotic for a long time. And for some, somehow in 1976, I was in meditation, I had started meditating in 1972. And I just had this thing come up that said, we're going into a period of great chaos. Many people will leave the planet.

16:38The chaos in the Middle East will get so bad that people will wonder how a benevolent God could allow that to happen. And that people were being trained to help people deal with the chaos. And at that moment, I knew that was my job. It was really kind of weird, I know, for some people, but in my world, that's kind of normal. and uh and and I started learning about feelings because I realized that chaos was affecting feelings so and I I realized that I had to figure out how to get calm within myself now remember I was a suicidal depressive so I know what the other side looks like and I had to figure out to get to the side I wanted to be on.

17:30And there are things like, I just read something, now people are getting into this, and I saw something by a psychiatrist where he said, when you're feeling the terror, when you're feeling the discomfort, think of just little micro moments that felt good. Like when you smelled a flower that was wonderful, or if someone smiles at you, at those moments, your brain changes from cortisol, which is the stress hormone, to oxytocin, or one of the more comfortable brain chemicals. Does that make sense? Yes. Okay. And it's that simple. And I have a system called the four R's. What are you feeling? When have you felt it before?

18:22What would you rather be feeling? And do you know how to feel that? And then if I say, do you know how to feel successful? Or do you know how to feel comfortable? Do you know how to feel safe? Those are all feelings. And if you don't know how to feel them, then your brain can't take you there. It's all about developing new responses to familiar stimuli. So I love to watch the news. And I've been watching the chaos since 1976 because I had to get ready for it. And so when I watch the news, it doesn't bother me at all because I feel as if I'm watching a soap opera. And every day is just a different episode.

19:15because it's not affecting me personally today. I have enough to eat. I have a place to stay. I have people who love me now. I feel loved. I had to teach myself that. And so it's a matter of asking yourself, what would I rather feel? And do I know how to feel that? And then teaching yourself that feeling. For example, if you don't know how to feel, if you feel you need to learn how to feel successful, there might be one moment in your life when you were six or seven or 10, when something happened that allowed you to feel successful. So at the moment when you're feeling uncomfortable and hopeless and all the things that come up with the chaos, then just remember that moment.

20:11Your brain doesn't know the difference between time and distance. You're like your dog that way. So when you show your brain that feeling, you're building up the neural pathway for success. Fire Nation, it makes so much sense when you hear Joan explain it in this manner, because again, this is an individual who's been through it. I mean, talking about 1976. I mean, I wasn't even born then and Joan's like experiencing life at that point. And now she's going through it. She realizes that, hey, you know, the news that is, it is just a soap opera. They're just creating drama and like it will, you know, cycles will come and go.

20:52There'll be ups and downs. I mean, we live in this world where everything is cyclical on a lot of degrees, but at the end of the day, like we just need to be focusing on the things that we can control. That's why I love going through the five main feelings that people act out through their money. We really focus on the first two. But listen, Jill, this is where I want you to kind of take us home, where I know you have a new show. So people are really digging what you're putting out here on this podcast. And they want to learn more about some of the things we talked about here today. What is your call to action for our listeners?

21:25Paying attention to your feelings. That's something you'll come to realize that feelings are what make your life and you don't need to avoid them. And I hope that you'll listen to my new podcast, which is called Prosper from the Inside Out, which is on Substack now. It'll probably by the time this is airing, it's probably going to be in all the different podcast places you get podcasts. So when you say call to action, do you mean what do I think people need to do today to move in a new direction? Yeah, let's just end with that. We'll say, hey, go listen to Joan's podcast and then give us one takeaway for people to do today.

22:12Practice feeling expanded and saying yes. Fire Nation, you're the average. Of the five people you spend the most time with, you've been hanging out with JS and JLD today. So keep up that heat. and for links to everything we talked about, including Joan's show, we'll have it over at eofire.com. Just type Joan, J-O-A-N, in the search bar and the show notes page will pop right up. And Joan, thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation today. For that, we salute you and we'll catch you on the flip side. It's been a pleasure. Hey, Fire Nation, a huge thank you to our sponsors and Joan for sponsoring today's episode.

22:47And Fire Nation, are you ready to rock your very own podcast? Check out our free podcasting course where I will teach you how to both create and launch your podcast for, you guessed it, free, freepodcastcourse.com. I'll catch you there or on the flip side. Fire Nation, this is your year to get unstuck and to grow a successful business. Attend the world's highest rated business growth workshop taught personally by Clay Clark and now featuring football star Tim Tebow and President Trump's son, Eric Trump at thrivetimeshow.com slash EO fire. Again, request life-changing tickets today at thrivetimeshow.com slash eofire.