Rich Relationships: Create Your Million-Dollar Network with Selena Soo

0:01Boom! Shake the room, Fire Nation. JLD here and welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire. The only daily show interviewing the world's top entrepreneurs seven days a week. Today, we'll be breaking down rich relationships, create your million-dollar network. To draw these value bombs, I brought Selena Su into EO Fire Studios. Selena is an award-winning business and relationship strategist. For over a decade, she has elevated the world's most important people, messages, and ideas. And today, Fire Nation, we'll talk about rich relationships, the top five that will accelerate our success, the Six Circles Framework, Relationship Red Flags, and oh, so much more.

0:40And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Selena and our sponsors. Is now the time to grow a successful business? Attend the world's highest rated business growth workshop taught personally by Clay Clark and now featuring football star Tim Tebow and President Trump's son, Eric Trump at thrivetimeshow.com slash EOFire. Again, request life-changing tickets today at thrivetimeshow.com slash EO fire. Selena, say what's up to fire nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with. Hello, hello, fire nation. I am so happy to be here.

1:21And something that I disagree with others regarding success is that I think our weaknesses are actually our superpowers. I believe that weaknesses are over-functioning strengths and that we really should be embracing the fullest version of ourselves when we step into entrepreneurship. Well, I love this. And Fire Nation, you're going to love this episode, all about rich relationships, creating your million-dollar network. And I want to start by just breaking down what rich relationships are and why does Fire Nation need them? Absolutely. So a rich relationship is one that massively enriches the quality of your life and business.

1:59And everyone needs rich relationships because rich relationships are like rocket ships. They help you reach your end destination so much faster. So they help you reach your goals and dreams, but they also help you solve every problem and challenge you have in your business. Whenever you have a challenge, instead of saying, what do I need to do? The real question is, what is the rich relationship that I need to tap into that can help me solve it? That's really the fast path to success. And I can tell you, Selena is somebody who practices what she preaches. I mean, she just has done this from really the moment that I've seen her, you know, whether it be sending me ice cream on San Diego after our interview or putting together a dinner in New York City years and years ago, or just even recently when this book was coming out, she came down to Palmas de Mar where I live and she took me out to dinner.

2:44We had a great conversation about everything that was going on and we kept up our friendship, our rich relationship all these years. And it's just a wonderful thing to say, to see. So let's run through the top five rich relationships that will accelerate our success. Absolutely. Yes. So for us to accelerate our success, we need a variety of rich relationships. So here are the top five. So number one is a mentor. We all need people who can show us the fastest way to get from where we are to where we want to be, who has figured out the challenges that we're about to encounter. So that's one. Now, number two is peers, because in addition to a mentor, you want people by your side who are on that same journey that can really relate with what you're going through.

3:30So we all need a network of peers. Number three, we need people who are promoters. And there's different kinds of promoters. A promoter could be someone that works in the media. They could have a popular blog or podcast or newsletter, and they can share your work with other people. A promoter might be someone who is an affiliate or referral partner, but we're not going to be able to really get our message out there. We're the only person saying, hey, I'm amazing at what I do, right? We need other people carrying that message forward. And then number four is we need team. So when we start off, you know, we start off by ourselves, but the reality is to grow and scale our business, we cannot wear all the hats.

4:09You know, whether it is a virtual assistant or a sales professional or a copywriter, we really need to work on assembling a dream team of people that can help us reach our goals. And then last but not least, number five is a confidant. So we know that the entrepreneurial journey is a tough one. It's full of highs. It's also full of lows. And we need people where we can share the messy sides of entrepreneurship, where we can let our hair down and really be our full self with. So a confidant might be an executive coach, could be a business coach, it could be a therapist, it could be a best friend.

4:44But we definitely need, and I would recommend at least two confidants, because if we only have one person that we're sharing every problem with, it can be quite a burden, unless that person is a paid consultant. But that being said, I feel like, you know, business, there's just so much that comes up that we really need a network of people. And so for each of these five categories, ideally, there are multiple people in each category. You're not only learning from one mentor. There's other sources of information. You don't just have one business peer. You have multiple business peers. And similarly, you have multiple promoters, clients, and confidants that can really support you with your business.

5:21Fire Nation, this is absolute fire. I mean, let's go through this real quick. We've got the mentor. We need peers. We need promoters. We need a team. And we need a confidant. And, you know, in a perfect world, we'd have at least two for the reasons that Selena just shared. Now, you, Selena, have an incredible way of managing your network. And you've called it the Six Circles Framework. And I know that you love this. So let's really spend some time here because this is gold. Take it away. Absolutely. So I love the Six Circles Framework because when it comes to networking, people often say to me, you know, I feel so overwhelmed.

6:00I don't have that much time. I know a million people. I don't know how to manage my contacts. And so I like to think of our relationships as, you know, belonging in these six circles where circle one is your innermost circle. So for most people, circle one will be anywhere from zero to maybe three people. These are people that you're doing life with. They are on the pulse of what's happening day by day or week by week. So this might be a life partner. This could be a very best friend. It could be a business partner. It could be a coach or therapist of some sort that has been by your side for years and years, and they know exactly what you're going through.

6:42And these are people that you trust completely. You are comfortable sharing every aspect of yourself and your business with them. So those are our circle ones. Now, the next circle, circle two, these are our treasured connections. And these might not be people that are on the pulse of what's happening on the daily or weekly, but these are people that feel like soul family. You know that if you said, I need help, I'm struggling, hey, can I talk to you tonight? It would be their priority to rearrange their schedule to be there for you because you are their circle two relationship, that treasured connection.

7:18So that's circle two. And then circle three, these are the broader connections in your network. This is what I call the active network. So these are people that care about you and you care about them. You respect each other. You value each other. There is a values alignment. With Circle 3 people, you are comfortable reaching out to them. You are comfortable recommending them to others. If you had a party, you would happily invite a Circle-free connection over to the party. So this will be typically multiple, multiple dozens of people, perhaps even 100 or more people. And then we move into circle four.

7:54So circle four, these are distant connections. And there's a couple reasons why someone might be in circle four. So someone could be in circle four because you literally just met them. And after one or two conversations, they're still a stranger. There are still things that you have to uncover to really understand who they are as people. Right. So there isn't that trust and knowledge and immediate access that you would give to them after just a handful of conversations. Now, another reason why someone might be in circle four is that you may have known them for a while, but there's a little bit of a values misalignment.

8:28Maybe there's someone who is always down in the dumps and complaining and people putting down, putting other people down. And you're like, this is not the right vibe. Or maybe they are someone who you're like, you know what? They seem like a nice person, but I have to be honest, my circle one, two, and three are full to the max. And I just don't have bandwidth to really pour into that relationship and make them a priority and really learn about them, right? So that's why someone would be in circle four. So that's a more distant connection. Now, then there's circle five. And so circle five are people that have typically betrayed you in some way.

9:05They are disconnected from you. Maybe they have, I don't know, lied to you, stolen business from you, whatever it is, you just literally don't feel safe or comfortable around them. Maybe you've had multiple conversations about the issues and then it just never changes and you're like, okay, there's just nowhere where I can really go with this. Or sometimes it's someone that you may not know, but others have warned you against them. For example, I know someone who's very successful, has an incredible platform, very charismatic, but I know this individual is very litigious and she enjoys suing people and creating all kinds of drama and you know my friends would be unsafe if this was someone that I let into my world and frankly I would feel unsafe letting this person into my world and so while I am nice when this person reaches out to me in my mind I have put her in circle five so I don't accept invitations to get closer and be a part of her inner circles and last but not least there is circle six so this is the rest of the world these are the unknown connections where you don't know each other or If you do, it's a one way knowing, but you haven't actually spent time together and had an actual conversation.

10:16And so this is a mental framework. You're not telling people I've moved you from circle two to circle four, but it's something where you know where they are in your network. I remember hearing this saying once from my colleague, Sherry Salata, maintaining a friendship not rooted in your truth keeps you out of integrity. and I'll say it again because I found it so powerful maintaining a friendship not rooted in your truth keeps you out of integrity and at the time when I heard that three years ago when I was looking around me I had a number of friendships and relationships that were out of integrity for me maybe it was somebody who was a close friend but I realized that they were really emotionally volatile or they were presenting themselves to the world in one way but they were acting a different way and it was hard for me to be that true blue friend and like diehard supporter when there was this values misalignment.

11:06And so I just find this framework so incredibly helpful in terms of managing your energy. And when I think about the rich relationships, I'm not thinking, oh, the richest relationships to prioritize are the people with the biggest followings or the most money or the most fame. I'm thinking the richest relationships are the people that are going to show up for you, the people that care about you, the people where there's values alignment and where there's trust, and therefore you can give than proximity to you. So, um, yeah, I can't wait to hear what you think, John, because I actually use this framework in my everyday life.

11:36I think these are absolute value bombs. I mean, as you were going through these six, I was actually placing people in my life in specifically one, two, and three. And of course I thought of a couple of people in that five category as well. I mean, cause listen, these are people that is like, I just, man, that person is just not a person I want to get closer to, to have any type of a closer connection. And I do love that quote. I wrote it down. I'm pretty sure I got it right. Maintaining a friendship not rooted in your truth is living out of integrity. Is that close? Yeah. Living out of integrity keeps you out of integrity.

12:11Absolutely. That's it. That's so good. I love this. And Fire Nation, we have so much more to talk about around this topic. When we get back from thanking our sponsors, there's a lot to to consider when starting your own business and protecting your identity and privacy are top concerns with Northwest registered agents. You get more privacy, more guidance, and more freedom to run your business from anywhere in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Northwest registered agent has been helping businesses launch and grow for nearly 30 years. If you want to build your business while keeping your personal information secure, Northwest is the partner you need in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes.

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13:24Is this your year to grow a successful business? Are you looking to learn the proven processes and success systems that have been used to create thousands of millionaire success stories? See thousands of success stories and testimonials from real people just like you, who Clay Clark has mentored and coached into prosperity at thrivetimeshow.com slash EO fire. Clay's proven business coaching program is month to month and it costs less money than hiring a minimum wage employee. Yes, it's month to month and it costs less money than hiring a minimum wage employee. Schedule your free personal 13-point assessment with Clay Clark himself today at Thrivetimeshow.com slash EOFire because Clay only takes on 160 clients and only allows 300 attendees to each business conference.

14:06You will interact with Clay directly. See thousands of real success stories and learn about attending the Thrivetimeshow two-day in-person workshop featuring football star Tim Tebow and President Trump's son, Eric Trump today at ThriveTimeShow.com slash EOFire. Become the next success story. Schedule a free consultation and request tickets to join football star Tim Tebow and President Trump's son Eric Trump at Clay Clark's next business conference today at ThriveTimeShow.com slash EOFire. Selena, we're back and let's be honest, there are relationship red flags. It's out there. I mean, some people are waving them.

14:41Some people, you know, might be a little more hidden, but they're there and we need to watch out for these. What are a couple of these red flags? Yeah. Oh my gosh. I love that you mentioned that they can be hidden because that is so true. Well, I would say one of the biggest red flags is when someone tries to rush the relationship, right? They barely know you, but they're looking to create all kinds of deals and transact with you. And, you know, I've had situations where someone got on the phone with me. She was like, I'm a good friends with your friend. And so I was like, okay. And I got on a call with her and she saw that I was doing a publicity mastermind.

15:15And she was like, well, I was thinking that we could partner on a mastermind together. And I thought like, wow, like I didn't say this out loud, but I remember thinking like, well, that's a really big request when I don't even know who this person is. Like I wouldn't really want to align my brand with a stranger. And then, you know, we were talking and I mentioned, you know, she wanted to visit me and I was like, oh, yeah, I mean, I travel a lot. But I did mention I was going to be in New York City. And she's like, oh, I could just fly up and meet you. And I'm like, oh, you know, and it was just like too much too soon.

15:43So after that phone call, I definitely, you know, kept my distance from that individual. But I've also had experiences, John, where I joined these, you know, high level groups. And when I joined right away, people are like, oh, I'm so excited that you joined the group. And hey, you do publicity and I do branding. How about we hop on a call and see how we can, you know, refer business and trade clients. And to me, again, that's too much too soon. And it shows that somebody doesn't have judgment because if you're just going to look to, you know, build these really deep relationships and send clients to somebody you don't know, it's like, well, I don't know if you're like a safe or discerning person in business.

16:20So that's definitely one. But, you know, there's so many different flags and they really have to be revealed over time. You know, like I said before, you know, our weaknesses are strengths, but also sometimes some of these weaknesses do have to be, you know, worked on or just kind of, you know, be aware like, okay, maybe that's something that I need to be careful about. Right. So, for example, there was a time in my life that I was really drawn to people that were really charismatic, but some of these charismatic people were also emotionally volatile. or maybe you've encountered people that are so kind and they bend over backwards to support you but then they lash out because they're like these people pleasers that don't know how to take care of their own needs and so the truth is in order to spot red flags you literally have to give yourself time and I used to be that person that would get very excited about people I'd meet someone and think like oh my gosh this is my new business bestie or oh wow this person is so amazing We should like hire them right away or, oh yeah, I just had one conversation, but no need to hire anyone else.

17:21You know, this person, um, I just feel like I hit the jackpot. Um, and so there's a lot of potential red flags that relate to values misalignment. Um, the biggest thing is really to slow down the relationship and you can be positive and optimistic about where it could go, but also keep your eyes wide open. Eyes wide open fire nation. And again, this is why you have numbers one and two, because those are individuals that can trust to have conversations with about maybe these other individuals that you're thinking about moving up the chain a little bit. And you have this concept, Selena, called breathtaking generosity.

17:55You write about it in depth in your book. Can you tell us more about that? Absolutely. So this is one of my favorite concepts. And it's this idea of supporting people in a way that is so generous that it literally takes their breath away. They almost don't even have words to say. And so there's two primary ways that we can do this. So number one is really understanding what someone's biggest goal and dream is and aligning yourself with that, right? When I think about these busy individuals, which we all are, right? They're like a train, they're going full speed ahead and the train may pause for a few moments to open the doors and let people in the train, but then they're going to keep going to where they're headed.

18:33And I think a lot of times when people try to build relationships, they try to pull the train off the tracks and they have their own agenda in mind when really the path of ease is understanding what that person needs, what their dream is, and how can you be a giver and someone that supports them in reaching that, right? So let's say someone has a book coming out. Like whenever my friends have books come out, I automatically know that they've got a big lifelong dream. And so I'll just reach out to people. I'll send them a little voice note. Hey, I saw that you just announced that your book is coming out and I wanted you to know that you can count on me to support you with your book launch.

19:09You know, and it looks different for different people because, you know, with the six circles of connection, there's different relationships. For some people, it's like, yep, I want to do a bulk buy. I want to send an email to my list. I would love to make connections to the media. I would like to leave an Amazon review. I'd be happy to jump on a 30-minute brainstorming call. I'm happy to share resources, right? So it just depends. Whatever feels easeful and abundant and aligned. So that's a way to, you know, support someone with a dream. And if you're like, I don't want someone's dream is, well, if they're an entrepreneur, which, you know, everyone listening here is someone who is a current or future entrepreneur, most likely they're looking for more visibility.

19:47They are looking for more clients. They are looking to get connected to an incredible network of peers. They are looking to hire people for their business to make their lives easier. So I would challenge you and say you do know what people want. You just have to take a moment to really, really put yourself in their shoes and think about it. So number one way is aligning yourself with their goals and dreams. Number two way is being what Joe Polish calls a pain detective. So a pain detective is someone that is really attuned to other people's pain. And if you were to say to me, Selena, I don't know what people are struggling with, I would challenge you again and say I believe that you do know what people are struggling with.

20:24I think that, you know, if you're in the United States, you probably know people that were affected by the wildfires in L.A. or homes were hit by the hurricanes in Florida and North Carolina. And, you know, for all of us, we probably know people that are going through divorce. Right. And that is a huge change in their life circumstances. And maybe they're having to give up 50 percent of their business. Maybe we know someone whose business is not doing well and now they have to reinvent themselves and they feel like they don't even know who they are and if they're relevant anymore. Right. So looking all around you, there are people that are in pain.

20:59And I think that one of the reasons why I've been so successful at building rich relationships, it's not because I'm the social butterfly. I'm actually the opposite. I'm like the wallflower in the corner that talks to one person. It's not because I have boundless energy. In fact, I have a lot less energy than the average person. but what I am really good at is tuning into people and really caring and being able to just like very easily identify because I care what their biggest goals and dreams are and what their pain points are and showing up in the moments when it matters. And if you become this person, trust me, you're going to be everyone's favorite person.

21:37And when you have dreams and when you have goals and when you're in pain, they're going to want to show up and support you too. Fire Nation, if you're not fired up by everything that Selena has been sharing here today, then you really need to check yourself because this is how you become successful at this process of creating your million dollar network. And this all circles back to Selena's book, Rich Relationships. So Selena, take us home. Tell us what this book is all about, why Fire Nation needs it and where they can get it. Yes, absolutely. So the book is called Rich Relationships and the subtitle is Create a Million Dollar Network for Your Business.

22:16I believe that all of us can create a million dollar network. And for me, I've had people who have literally sent a million dollars into my business. I have also sent a million dollars into someone else's business over the years, right? Lifetime revenue. And I've also had coaches who have helped me create a million dollars, right? So I think it's realistic that we can all have million dollar networks and there's different ways that people add value. So financial abundance is one, but also just having that million dollar support. Right. And those people that care about you will be there for you in your lowest moments.

22:51And so this book is extremely comprehensive. It's it's really like a manual and it shows you how to build, nurture and activate a rich relationship network, because you might be like, OK, I know how to build a network. You know, I go to events or people that I know I've got, you know, my contacts on LinkedIn and Facebook. But having contacts isn't the same as having a network you can rely on. So you can build the network, but then you actually have to nurture the relationship so that there's depth to the relationship and that they're familiar with you and your work. And so they can become advocates for you.

23:23And then part three is you have to know how to activate the network. And most people I know don't know how to activate. They say to me, you know, Celine, I'm really good at giving to others. But when it comes to my most important goals, I don't know how to get support. And they find themselves, you know, in these one sided relationships. And in part, sometimes it's because you don't know how to advocate for yourself or you don't know how to create win-wins where you make it easy and natural for someone to want to step up and support you. So this book really goes through all the steps. If you believe that relationships are important to business success, then you definitely want to get your hands on this book.

23:58And so you can get this book on Amazon. Another thing that you can do is you can go to my website, richrelationshipsbook.com slash EOF. So rich relationships, plural, richrelationshipsbook.com slash EOF. And I'm actually giving you the first four chapters of the book for free. And I'm also giving you a bundle of 20 plus rich relationship scripts I've used to make millions in my business. And I've used these relationships, these scripts to manage and nurture and activate my rich network. And then also when you sign up to get the first four chapters and the scripts, you're also going to be entered to win a thousand dollars.

24:37So every reason why they go to richrelationshipsbook.com slash EOF. I can tell you what, Selena knows how to put together a package, Fire Nation. So you're definitely going to want to make that happen because you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And you've been hanging out with SS and JLD today. So keep up that heat. And for links to everything we talked about, you can visit eofire.com and type Selena, that's S-E-L-E-N-A in the search bar and the show notes page will pop right up. And one last time, Selena, what is that URL? Yes, go to richrelationships, plural, book.com slash EOF to get all your free gifts.

25:16Selena, thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation. For that, we salute you and we'll catch you on the flip side. Hey, Fire Nation, a big thank you to Selena and our sponsors for today's episode. And if you're thinking about launching a podcast, check out our free podcasting course, freepodcastcourse.com. I'll catch you there or on the flip side. Is now the time to grow a successful business? Attend the world's highest rated business growth workshop taught personally by Clay Clark and now featuring football star Tim Tebow and President Trump's son, Eric Trump at thrivetimeshow.com slash EO fire.