Screw The Should Life: Transform Your Everyday: Live Like You're on Permanent Vacation Without Sacrificing Your Responsibilities Or Your Self-Respect with Marni Battista

0:01John Lee Dumas:Boom! Shake the room, Fire Nation. JLD here and welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire, brought to you by High Level, the all-in-one sales and marketing platform. Today we'll be breaking down screw the should life, transform your everyday and live like you're on permanent vacation without sacrificing your responsibilities or your self-respect. To draw these vibe bombs, I brought to Marni Battista and the EO Fire Studios. Marnie is an entrepreneur, author, transformation coach, and podcast host who helps women in midlife get off the have-it-all treadmill and start living life according to their own terms.

0:33John Lee Dumas:And today at Foundation, we'll talk about the should life. We'll talk about life costs. We'll also talk about burnout and overwhelm and oh, so much more. And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Marnie and our sponsors. If you are building a real business, you need real infrastructure. High Level gives you website hosting, funnels, email marketing, automation, calendar booking, payments, and course hosting all on one platform, plus award-winning 24-7 support. Get a 30-day free trial and my full bonus stack that includes a 50-minute private call with me and much more at highlevelfire.com.

1:06John Lee Dumas:Highlevelfire.com. Fire Nation, 50 days will fly right on by. The only question is, will you have something to show for it? I created a free YouTube series called 50 Days to Something, a step-by-step path to build a real product, service, or offer in just 50 focused days. Start today for free at eofire.com slash YouTube. Marnie, say what's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with. That the experts and the gurus are always right. I feel like my early part of my career, the first 10 years, I didn't feel like I had enough information to be successful at business because I at first was a stay at home mom and then I was a nursery school teacher.

1:59So I jumped into being an entrepreneur and believing that I needed to be shown how to do literally everything. And I think that that got so ingrained in me that I stopped listening to my own intuition and my own talents and my own beliefs. And that Frankenstein business that I built ultimately wasn't me. And that's why I needed to get out, even though I had the money and the success, because I was like, it was like living with a bad boyfriend. So I needed to break up.

2:28John Lee Dumas:Fire Nation, screw the should life. We're going to transform our every day. And Marnie, I just want to dive right in. What the heck is the should life? The should life is the life that you lead that has been designed by your childhood upbringing, by social media, by culture, by your DNA, by your ancestry, by legacy. It is this pre-programming that shows up in our life. And I actually think it's getting worse, the should life. I think that people are shitting on themselves younger than ever before. And so you are following this prescribed life plan that isn't yours to begin with. And you wake up one day and you're like, this isn't really even for me.

3:16I also believe that what we may have loved doing or thought we wanted to do a decade ago isn't necessarily who we are, what we want now. And I think there's so much escalation of commitment and like shame around like I should be happy. I did the things. I checked the boxes. Why am I not happy? and all those shoulds like are a ton of bricks. They just fold it in on you and you feel suffocated. And that sticking it out or waiting until you retire is no way to live your life because it's short.

3:44John Lee Dumas:Marnie, you're a woman and you've found that a lot of professional women wake up one day and they realize, wow, I am stuck in my should life. How the heck does that happen to so many women? What happens is that women believe because our emotional capacity is so great and we are generally leading from that place first that our job is to make other people happy. And I think that we lose ourselves. The do it all mantra that we have been raised with is so inbred. And so we end up over-functioning at work, over-functioning in the home, over-functioning as caretakers for our parents, for our friends.

4:33And I've worked with so many women, and it's like they have this perpetual voice of their mother in their head, you know, whether it's you should write the thank you note, you should be nice to your boss, you should stay late, it's just never-ending. And the shoulds, John, are so ingrained that actually people don't even question them. They just believe these are the rules by which I will live and that someday maybe I'll be able to do life for me.

5:01John Lee Dumas:Well, let's talk about life costs because I mean, there is a cost of keeping a should life beyond its expiration date. And what are those costs? Well, your nervous system starts to burn out. I was just talking to someone who's a really, really successful, ambitious, high-level executive coach. And she was telling me that because she is so good at being high-functioning and being there for other people, she can feel some joy and she can feel some peace at work. But what's happened to her is that when any negative emotion comes around, a loss, a frustration, a disappointment, she's covering it up.

5:41So she doesn't have a partner, anyone to share her life with. She drinks a lot of extra wine. She walks a lot, watches an extra lot of TV. She, her physical body isn't the body that she feels comfortable in. She's lost relationships with friends. She feels very isolated. And the, the joy that being a workaholic used to give her, there's just nothing there anymore. Right. And so it's impacting all of those things that when your nervous system is dysregulated at that level, people don't understand that the burnout gets so strong that over time actually will stop also being able to feel moments of joy and happiness because your nervous system isn't built to only choose like one emotion and feel that only.

6:28They all start to shut down. That's not a meaningful life. That's not a fulfilling life. And it might not be a long life.

6:35John Lee Dumas:So take a step back, because I love that example that you just shared, because I think a lot of people can maybe resonate with that, you know, single, overworked, unhealthy lifestyle kind of thing. And that's obviously, you know, going to lead in one direction. And that is a struggle. What's another example of this maybe kind of less obvious? Because I mean, there's a lot of people who are, you know, in great relationships, they seem healthy, they seem like they're fulfilled, they seem like they might be balanced, but they're still living a should life. So what does that look like? And what are some signs that we can maybe identify within that?

7:09Yeah, I love that question. So I just talked to a client. She's very successful. She worked for a big consulting firm. Now she's working for a top fashion brand. She's in marketing. She's at the top of her game. She didn't get married until her late 40s. She finally has her child that she wanted after years and years of fertility, right? Like super finally checked the boxes. Um, she was told when she was younger that, um, that she should never get into the healthcare medical field because that's like no place for a woman. And she wouldn't be able to like, you know, be a good wife and a good mom.

7:44Um, and she's ignored that feeling for decades. And so when she came to me, like she felt so much guilt because she has all those things that she thought she wanted. and she believed that she should not pivot, that she should not pursue something else, that she should just continue to earn the money and suck it up for another decade or so. And so I think that that's the hidden shoulds where you don't want to tell anyone that you're unhappy because from the outside, you have everything that you want. And the guilt and the shame of, um, of that is so profound. I think now in our world situation as well, there are so many people that are struggling in different ways that those people who have what, you know, everyone wants feel really bad when they, um, aren't happy in that life.

8:39And so, um, the should is so profound in her life that she was afraid to even entertain the idea that she could do something different and pivot after investing in a career and a marriage and a family. And it's hard that the voices to say, why bother are really, really loud.

8:58John Lee Dumas:I love that example. And man, that would just frustrate the heck out of me if somebody was shooting on me in those areas, like, you should not do this because of these reasons that I have decided are good reasons for you not to do this. I mean, I would be like, whoo, that is probably exactly the reason why I'm going to dominate that thing because man, I am going to go all flipping in. And Fire Nation, we have a lot more to talk about around this topic when we get back from thanking our sponsors. Fire Nation, if you are building a real business, you need real infrastructure. That is why High Level is Entrepreneur on Fire's featured partner.

9:34John Lee Dumas:High Level gives you a website builder and hosting funnels and landing pages, email marketing, appointment scheduling, payment processing, course and membership hosting, and so much more. Everything you need to succeed, all under one roof. No duct tape, no juggling five platforms, just one clean system for your business, and their award-winning 24-7 support has your back when you need it most. When you sign up at highlevelfire.com, you also get my exclusive bonus stack, a 30-day free trial, a private 15-minute call with me, JLD, access to my weekly live office hours, a digital copy of my book, The Common Path to Uncommon Success, my 50 days to something execution roadmap, and more.

10:13John Lee Dumas:Visit highlevelfire.com and start building your something today. Fire Nation, if you've ever thought, I know I'm capable of more, but you're not sure where to start, I've created something for you. It's called 50 days to something. Not 50 days to perfection, not 50 days to overnight millions, just 50 focused days to build something that matters. Maybe a product, a service, a course, a coaching offer, something real and something that will generate real revenue. 50 days to something is my passion project. Each video is short, is tactical, and it's designed for you to take one meaningful step forward each day.

10:51John Lee Dumas:Picture this, in just 50 days, you will have built an asset. And the best part, it's completely free and is on my YouTube channel right now. If you are ready to create something that matters, visit eofire.com slash YouTube. That's eofire.com slash YouTube and start your 50 day journey today. 50 days will pass in the blink of an eye. The question is, will you have something to show for it? Marnie, we're back. And a pretty common issue these days is that women are increasingly feeling overwhelmed and burned out. Men are, of course, too, but you're going to speak directly to the women I know here on this conversation.

11:30John Lee Dumas:So what is happening in that area? So the overwhelm comes from this belief that we can't say no. And I believe, write this down, if you're listening, if you're in your car, like just remember it forever. Overwhelm is self-imposed. And so what happens is all those shoulds stack up and we start to see that long list of those shoulds. We don't know how to prioritize. We don't know how to figure out what it is that we really want or desire in our life. And so what happens is then that overwhelm comes. We don't know what to do. We can be really in our head. We can shut down. We can freeze. We can just forget it, shut the laptop and just have another glass of wine.

12:16And so if you remember that overwhelm is self-imposed, it actually forces you to take responsibility rather than blame your circumstances. So the first thing I tell people to do is, and this is like, I think most people don't ask the question this way, is what's the experience you want to have in your life right now? And to look at that list of things that are overwhelming you and to actually start answering the question from that point of view, because that gives you the clarity about what you really want to do versus what you should do. A perfect example, last night I finished work. My friend said, hey, do you want to go to this women in networking event?

12:59You know, it'd be a great place for you to talk about your brand and your business. My other friend was like, hey, do you want to go to yoga? And right. And I was like, I'm so and I just got done work. And part of me wanted to stay home and do nothing. But I thought, like, what's the experience I really want to have right now. And I knew that even though I quote unquote, by the old standard of success should go to the networking event, my internal clock said, you need to go to restorative yoga. That's what you really need. And so in the old days, I would have automatically just said, oh my gosh, I'll go to that event or I'll do that thing, right?

13:36That performative thing and not really ask myself, what's the experience of my life I want to have tonight. And that was rest, relaxation, and treating myself after a really intense day of work. So when you get overwhelmed, remember it's self-imposed. What's the experience that you want to have right now? And then prioritize based on that. That gives you the clarity.

13:54John Lee Dumas:Now you have a unique remedy for transforming the quote unquote, should life into the dream life. Let's break that down. So the dream life starts with, it's an acronym because all of us experts like acronyms. The first thing is that you have to dismantle and disrupt the pre-programmed shoulds. So there's the awareness of what the shoulds are is really an important step. And that's why I say question every assumption, especially as an entrepreneur. When I first blew up my, you know, multimillion dollar business and decided to turn into a solopreneurship, I started questioning every single belief that I had about what you're supposed to do to be successful in business.

14:39And literally everything, I dismantled everything. So you want to start questioning every single assumption that you make about what you're supposed to do. So that's number one. Number two is the R, you have to kind of release all those beliefs that you have and start to rewire your neural pathways and then reclaim who you are at what I call the soul level or your essential self. The you that came into the world has a set of points, like a map. I call it the soul map, whereby it describes what you love to do, how you best carry out those things, and your core motivations. And so when you start to reclaim designing your life according to the points of that map, the pieces start to move really, really quickly.

15:39So that's the R. The E is to actually embrace that part of yourself. So when you embrace who you are, you start to embody it and you start to live it. That means you start having difficult conversations. You start setting boundaries. You start saying no to things. You start saying yes to things. You start to become in alignment, I would say, with like the frequency of success, manifestation, all of those things. So you start to embrace this new identity that you have. And as you start to shed that old skin, what I want to point out, because this is an important piece, the momentum from the old timeline and the old identity will definitely come back.

16:24Some people would say the universe is like testing you. I just say it's like the accumulation of however many decades and years of all the choices that you've made. So that's where you really embrace your new identity and you start making those new choices. A is you get into action. So you start in implementing all the plans, the ideas, the experiments that you want. A great example of that is when I was unhappy in L.A. I was blowing up my business, deciding that this wasn't really who I am anymore. I wanted to test out the idea that I could live in an RV full time. I didn't just like sell, you know, sell the house, move into the RV.

17:03And so the actual implementation, getting into action was like renting an RV for eight weeks and testing it out. It made the now life like more joyous and more fulfilling and also gave me feedback about how I might redesign my life so that it really actually is not a fantasy. It's a reality. And then the M is like maintain. And I say that living a dream life is a lifestyle. It's how do I work and also feel like I'm living a retirement lifestyle. And then you become a creator. And a creator is not just someone who creates content. A creator is someone who is constantly following this dream process and iterating and evolving their life based on who they are now.

17:47And when you feel like you're maintaining this lifestyle and you're a creator, you're freaking every day is your best day ever.

17:53John Lee Dumas:Fire Nation, there's so many things I love about that DREAM acronym. The one that I just want to repeat that I loved, Marty, was E, which is embrace that part of yourself. Like, embrace who you are. I really feel like a lot of people are not doing this to the fullest extent that they could. And it's costing them. Like, it really is costing you. Because when you just embrace you, like your personality, who you are, what it is that lights you up inside, things just start to happen. Now on that note, Marnie, how does someone stop living the should life and build the dream without blowing up the life they have now?

18:28John Lee Dumas:I mean, there's a lot of people that are pretty happy. They're kind of happy. They're sort of happy, or maybe they're even really happy, but they know there could be more. Is that even possible? Yeah. So this is what I love about this dream process. So when I was going through my own reinvention. I had broken my back in seven places. I was sort of incapacitated for many months. And I thought like the universe is telling me I need to do something different. I didn't know how to do it. I couldn't find anything. And that's why I honestly wrote my book, Your Radical Living Challenge, because when I found the design thinking framework out of Stanford University, which is how products are developed pretty much globally, I thought, But what if I add a spiritual element and I say that the product we're trying to develop is our ideal life and I'm the user of that product?

19:18Well, if you know anything about product development or product design, there's a prototyping space where you actually test your big ideas on a small scale. And so what happens is if you're kind of happy or a little happy or even really happy, but you have a dream, like I talked about my client who got talked out of being in the medical field, what we just did was we mapped out her soul map. We got a bunch of ideas where she could pivot and start bringing that desire to work in the medical field. Also, she loves children and family, but also use her background as a marketing expert and consultant, design consultant, and start to figure out, well, what are some experiments she could do to make sure that she might like a pivot for her career in this particular area?

20:04We came up with a list of like five things. And I said at the end of the call, John, like on a scale of one to 10, 10 being like, oh, you're so excited. You totally will make time to do this. She was like, well, I've been trained to never say 10. But honestly, like I'll say eight or nine, but low key, it's a 10. Right.

20:23John Lee Dumas:And she's like, and this is a person who used to come to our calls being like, I'm so busy. I'm sorry. I haven't done the work. Like, I'm so upset. I'm so miserable. I feel so trapped. And she actually got that inherent organic juice because when you have a soul map and you're like, this is exactly what I want. She's like, I'll get you my updated resume by Sunday. You know, we like mapped out all these like small scale experiments she can do to actually test this out. She doesn't have to blow up her life. She still needs to make like over six figures. She's so excited about these possibilities.

20:53John Lee Dumas:Marnie, you've dropped so many value bombs. Give us the biggest key takeaway you would really love for our listeners, Fire Nation, to walk away with today. And then give us a call to ask on how we can connect with you. Absolutely. So here's the thing. I did that RV thing, John. I lived in an RV for a year, traveled around the country. I met a lot of people in their 70s, even 80s, late 60s. I was in my early 50s, mid 50s. The piece of advice that they all gave to me or the feedback they had was, you know, what I really love about what you're doing is you haven't waited to start living the life that you love until you're retired, until you're older.

21:35And they all had regret, every single one of them. They didn't do what they're doing now when they were younger. And that is my takeaway. Like, you know, instead of waiting for one day, make today day one. Do one thing that we talked about on this call. You know, get my book, RadicalLivingChallenge.com. Start taking action. You do not have to blow up your life. Do not feel guilty. You deserve it. Your next day isn't guaranteed. So make today day one.

22:05John Lee Dumas:And how can we connect with you? Go to RadicalLivingChallenge.com. Two L's. Fire Nation, you're the average. Of the five people you spend the most time with, you've been hanging out with MB and JLD today, so keep up that heat. And for links to everything we talked about, visit eofire.com. Just type Marnie in the search bar and the show notes page will pop right up. Marnie, thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation today. For that, we salute you and we'll catch you on the flip side. Thanks. Hey, Fire Nation, a huge thank you to our sponsors and Marnie for sponsoring today's episode.

22:37John Lee Dumas:And Fire Nation, are you ready to rock your very own podcast? check out our free podcasting course where I will teach you how to create and launch your podcast for free free podcast course.com I'll catch you there or on the flip side if you are building a real business you need real infrastructure high level gives you website hosting funnels email marketing automation calendar booking payments and course hosting all on one platform plus award-winning 24 7 support get a 30-day free trial and my full bonus stack that includes a 50-minute private call with me and much more at highlevelfire.com, highlevelfire.com.

23:11John Lee Dumas:Fire Nation, 50 days will fly right on by. The only question is, will you have something to show for it? I created a free YouTube series called 50 Days to Something, a step-by-step path to build a real product, service, or offer in just 50 focused days. Start today for free at eofire.com slash YouTube. Thank you.