The Hidden Cost of Custody: Legal Gray Areas, Family Conflict, and Protecting Children in Modern Divorce with Lauren Lapinski

0:01John Lee Dumas:Light that spark fire nation, JLD here and welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire brought to you by High Level, the all-in-one sales and marketing platform. Today we'll be breaking down the hidden cost of custody, legal gray areas, family conflict and protecting children in modern divorce. And to drop these value bombs, I brought Lauren Lapinski into EO Fire Studios. Lauren is a legal commentator and advocate for examining family law, custody disputes and parental child removal, highlighting the hidden financial, legal, and emotional challenges families face navigating modern custody systems. And we talk about the legal gray area, the hidden cost of custody battles when one parent relocates and owes so much more.

0:40John Lee Dumas:And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Lauren and our sponsors. Stop duct taping your business together. High Level runs your website, your funnels, email, automation, scheduling, payments, and memberships all in one place. And when you sign up at highlevelfire.com, you get a 30-day free trial plus my exclusive bonus stack that includes weekly office hours with me and much more. Visit highlevelfire.com. highlevelfire.com. Fire Nation, are you ready to build something special in the next 50 days? Check out my free YouTube series, 50 Days to Something. Short and strategic step-by-step videos by me, JLD.

1:20John Lee Dumas:On day 50, you'll have a valuable asset. And the best part is it's completely free. Visit eofire.com slash YouTube and start day one today. Lauren, say what's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with. Hello, thank you for having me. I am excited to be here, John. I thought about this and I believe that success often requires enduring extreme discomfort, loneliness, and failure over many years as it depends more on consistent systems than fleeting motivation. True achievement requires accepting that hard work alone isn't enough.

2:06Not everyone will support you and you must embrace failure as a necessary ongoing part of the process. I think that a lot of successful people don't know what it's like to fail. I think that they kind of have everything kind of handed to them in a methodical way. I don't know. And, you know, a lot of people just don't know what failure is or they're afraid of it. And I embrace it.

2:30John Lee Dumas:There's a great book that I love. It's called Anti-Fragile. and it really goes through like two different sets of many, many individuals. One set who grows up just, you know, getting beat down, having failure after failure, struggling, challenges, obstacles. They become what's called anti-fragile. And it's crazy that like they are able to take on life in a really incredible way, you know, when it comes to starting businesses and doing all the things. And then you have the fragile sect, like the ones that you were talking about, that were kind of in this bubble their whole life. They never really maybe were exposed to failure.

3:09John Lee Dumas:They were protected from it, or they were really softened by the blow. And they really struggled when they hit the real world because you're going to get slapped in the face in the real world. And if you can't handle that, there's some problems going on. So today, Fire Nation, we're talking about legal gray areas, family conflict, and protecting children in the modern divorce era. And I want to start with that legal gray area, Lauren. Why does parental child removal exist in such a legal gray area? And what do most parents misunderstand about the law? I believe it exists to feed a destructive and outdated system.

3:47Like, that is it. It's mind-boggling to me that this is even a talking point in today's world. How a woman can have her children taken for months or years on end due to this failed system, and then to have them placed with an abuser, I think it's all asinine. narcissistic abuse is something i never thought of i never would have imagined this outcome for my life i thought i was a pretty good judge of character but it is more prevalent than most are even aware of i believe it happens all the time it's a horrible reality and the perpetrators are getting away with it because no one's doing anything about it i think the gray area is there for a reason it's there for the system it's meant to be confusing expensive soul-sucking and it's meant to punish good people so that evil can get away with anything they want.

4:34I feel like law is not difficult to understand and we don't need to study law to know truth. So, you know, I just do as much research as I can going into all of these battles. It hasn't worked out in my favor yet, again, because there's just too much confusion and there's too much skewing of the system to benefit the corruption and the manipulation and the lies. So, yeah, I mean, law is very simple. You know, it really is. And we don't need a different type of language to understand it, nor pay for these lawyers to help us understand the words.

5:19John Lee Dumas:Well, Fire Nation, I really want to jump in here and just say, thank goodness that people like Lauren exist in this world, because we need people that are willing to go up against this bloated, corrupt, incompetent system. All of those things, it's just disgusting how much they exist and how prevalent they are and how nothing's being done about it. So first and foremost, Lauren, thank you for fighting that fight. And that kind of moves us into the hidden cost of custody battles because these custody disputes, they create this emotional and financial strain, far beyond what families initially expect.

5:56John Lee Dumas:So talk about that because it just crushes people's souls. Oh my gosh, absolutely. And thanks again for having me, Fire Nation. So shout out to you guys. But yeah, you know, for me, you know, when my ex approached me on wanting a divorce, he said that he wanted it to be amicable. And it has been nothing pleasant. It has been nothing fair. It has been nothing. You know, it's like that whole word is just annoying to me. Did it start off that way though? And then did something flip or was it just always? Yeah. So, I mean, really what happened was, um, you know, he wanted the divorce and I was raised in a home that, you know, when we took a vow, we kept the vow.

6:38And, um, so I really didn't understand. Um, now I know it's absolutely necessary because he's not the person I thought I married. I believe everything has been set on lies. I don't think divorce should be a difficult process. I think it should have two grown adults wanting what's best for their children. When my ex first approached me with papers, yeah, it was unexpected. it's like he had a plan this entire time, and somehow I was able to, like, see it in play. So I did things that most people wouldn't have done. You know, I fought it in ways people wouldn't have fought it, but I saw what was happening, and I saw that it was on their timeline, And I said, no, like there's other issues here under like, like aside from the divorce, like that's like the least of my worries right now.

7:41Like there's children at a school I used to work in that has, you know, I know these children are in trouble. And, you know, I raised concerns to the principal. I raised concerns to the community and my husband and no one seemed to care. And then it's like, now they just want to silence me because I am not okay sitting back knowing that there are children at that school in danger and my children go to that school. So I think, you know, our divorce got more fired up as I was unwilling to go along with things. So I said I wanted to homeschool my kids. And then that's when he filed an order of protection and kicked me out of the house.

8:23And I didn't even know what was going on. So, you know, back to like the emotional toll, like, you know, my kids don't know where I am. I'm not able to talk to them. It's been over three months. I mean, this is child abuse, you know, like I could care less what he's done to me, but it's the children, you know, and to think that this is a worldwide problem with 200 ,000 divorces a year in the U.S. alone, just like mine. It's like there's alternative motives, I guess, that people have. And I don't think any good person would ever know about that because our brains are not wired like that.

9:06John Lee Dumas:So what is like a real world consequence when, for instance, like one parent moves a child without clear court orders in place? Like, what does that look like? Well, I think that it's beyond dangerous. I think for me, when my abuser took possession of my children, I experienced a heartache like no other. There were nights that I seriously thought that I could die from a heartbreak. I mean, it's very real. But I know that karma is very real. And I know that karma isn't kind to those who are self-obsessed or egotistical. But yeah, like basically, you know, my husband lied about where he was taking the kids.

9:46He never came back. told me I had to leave the house, put an order of protection on me. Like, you know, it's like, I'm living out these consequences that I never deserved having in the first place. Um, my children, I, I, I mean, it is destroying me thinking about them and how much they are suffering right now. And to think that my ex knows exactly what he's doing and knows exactly how he's hurting me and hurting them. It makes me sick. Um, I, I feel like he's using them as leverage in his war. And, um, you know, I'm barred from seeing them. I can't go near the school. Um, despite me having talked or taught there, um, my family, my entire family, like none of my siblings can see my children.

10:33So it's like my children are experiencing like the death of a mother without their mother actually passing, you know, and they don't know what's going on and they're being fed lies. and um yeah it's just it's just it's destroyed me um and not me like I can handle a lot it's it's just destroyed you know like that was their father I mean I I can't see uh I can't see it in my head like a time where they would forgive what he's done I mean my daughter is nine years old And there was a night where I was having really bad feelings, bad vibes. And I got a call the next morning that my daughter's very best friend, her mother, passed away unexpectedly overnight.

11:20Like heart attack, God knows what. Yeah. But my daughter had to help her friend through losing her mother and not even know where her own mother was. Like it's so wrong.

11:31John Lee Dumas:I mean, Fire Nation, this is why we need advocates in this world who are speaking, who are out there pounding the microphone, making things happen. We're going to talk about system limitations, preparing before a conflict, improving the system, if that's even possible, when we get back from thanking our sponsors. When a simple landing page somehow turns into endless tickets, handoffs, and back and forth, frustration can quickly set in. Framer changes that. With Framer, your whole team can collaborate in real time, make updates together, and publish instantly. Framer is the pro site builder for creators, teams, and businesses that want a professional site and care enough to get every detail right.

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14:38John Lee Dumas:Stop piecing tools together. Start building momentum. Visit highlevelfire.com and start building your something today. So Lauren, we're back, and I want to talk about system limitations. I mean, why does the legal system often struggle to respond quickly in urgent family situations? And again, keyword here, urgent, but they can't even respond in a timely manner. Why? You know, that's a really good question. Having been through multiple different situations in my life where I have had to deal with mental health hospitals or, you know, jail. I mean, I was put in jail multiple times for my ex due to like free speech.

15:19I mean, it's the legal system's a joke. It is one big machine that doesn't work for everyday people. It's built to protect evil, I believe. The way that I've been treated is a disgrace. They haven't taken one second to hear my side or investigate all the details that I've told them about involving my ex's incompetency when he's with our children. um i i realize now that everything was purposely malicious like lying um convincing me to marry him i don't know it's like a sick conquest and every time i go to court it's just a circus act where they keep postponing everything and stringing me along in order to get their desired result and um you know again going back to like the urgency of it um the night that my husband lied about where he was taking my children and then he never came back home.

16:13I called the police and I reported kidnapping. And that was on, I think, January 12th or something. And nothing has been done or I have not been contacted. Like why, like, why do people look at me and say, oh, come on, your children weren't kidnapped. Like, what else is this? I don't have any communication with them whatsoever. And I know my husband knows how much that hurts me because like a woman is connected to her children and it's, it's a bond that really no man can understand. It's like, it's a piece of your heart is gone when they're not around. Um, so again, I just think that the legal system is set up to, um, you know, work the system.

16:57I mean, they, they have, you know, our whole entire government is a system and everything within it is just another reflection of that bigger piece, I think. So, you know, unless we kind of act with a bigger fire underneath us, nothing gets done. So, again, going back to like me acting in ways that I normally wouldn't act in, you know, I blasted both lawyers and the principal and my husband all in the same email because I was like, nope you are all turning a blind eye to child abuse and like what is going on and so I was like I'm not doing this he said she said stuff you know like I think having a lawyer in the first place makes no sense because you know then your words are misconstrued could be misconstrued through someone else like for me I speak I speak logically I speak clear I speak truthfully and I have nothing to hide.

17:53So I'm just really an open book. But yeah, the legal system has been one utter joke. Again, jailed four times for, you know, sending a text to my husband or putting a picture on a shared album. I mean, these are not offenses. These are not crimes. These are me doing normal things. Like, you know, but everything seems to be a slap on the wrist for me and he's getting away with everything.

18:18John Lee Dumas:Lauren, can we talk about preparation before conflict? So what can parents do early on to better prepare for custody challenges before things escalate? That's a hard one for me because I honestly don't think that many people are aware that narcissistic or systemic abuse comes directly from the system. We are fighting a silent war. there's two sides you know regular people disguise themselves as an alter ego and they choose a partner they don't marry for love they marry for control I trusted the man I married and no wife expects for her entire world to collapse because a man has a like different agenda than what he's always spoken for me yeah I mean I I I like I said I did everything thing I shouldn't have done.

19:14Um, so I, I don't necessarily know, like, God, I mean, I was told so many times by other women, like, oh my gosh, like my ex cheated on me or, oh, my ex did this or, oh, my ex is such a piece of shit. Like, I never thought that that would, that that was my own husband. So it's like, until it's right in front of your face, it's like very hard to see. Um, yeah, I, uh, I just, the best advice I have, I think is, is when you realize you're in a loveless marriage, like it's just not worth it period. Because, um, we all have one soul that's identical to ours in this world. Um, it's worth waiting to find that person because, uh, no one deserves just convenience marriage.

20:01Um, but yeah, I think the best advice I have is don't play their game their way. Don't follow the rules they give you Um, use your own wisdom to beat them at their old tricks, you know

20:12John Lee Dumas:Well, I want to talk about improving the system. I mean if that's even possible So what changes in awareness policy or process? Could lead to better outcomes for children and families that are navigating divorce? I think that there obviously needs to be more public exposure on the subject because 200 ,000 cases in the U.S. alone, that's a lot. And normally it wouldn't end well for the survivor, like someone in my position. I think that everything needs to change. None of it makes sense to me in my brain. I have the ability to see through people's bullshit naturally. So, unfortunately, except the X.

20:52That one was like a hidden block. but um i do have the ability to see through people's um and i know when a lawyer or judge is playing into a system rather than doing their job of listening to both sides so like um you know i've already fired my divorce lawyer that i wasn't happy with um and then i know that i'm not happy with one of my two judges that i currently have so i think it's important for everyone to do their own detective work um or their own due due diligence um because women naturally believe a man's words. But when they're pathological liars, you know, they do need to be put in their place.

21:28And same goes for any woman who does the same thing. So, you know, again, I think that with the system, like the current system is not functioning and it's very obvious. We need a new system with new leadership, with people who will bring about the changes that we need for our world and people who don't sugarcoat things. Like we need raw honesty and simple words, you know again because it's like I could look at a person and say nope you're not you're not the judge like you are not capable like who are you even like who gave you that responsibility to sit there and not listen to me and my side but judge me so it's like I just have a really bad taste in my mouth from a lot of the experiences I went with the way I was treated in the jail system like you know all of it is disgraceful so I think until we get new leadership and you know something very fresh and very understandable.

22:20I think that, you know, we can absolutely get to a place of peace. I don't think that would be difficult at all. Like in my brain, it's very simple. It just takes common sense, really.

22:31John Lee Dumas:Lauren, if our listeners today, they are feeling something kind of shift within them, they're resonating with the words that you're saying, or maybe they know somebody who's going through this and they likely do. What is their next best step? How can they learn more about you? How can they connect with you? What is your call to action for our listeners today? Well, my call to action is honestly making sure that everyone on this earth is safe and cared for. My mission is to make sure that all of the people who are doing wrong wind up in jail where they belong. I am reachable via my Instagram. I believe it's uh, footsteps to footprints.

23:13And then, um, I have an Instagram, uh, I'm sorry, a Twitter handle, um, or X, um, that is footprints, um, at footprints 1111. Um, so I can be found on social media. Um, I do have a Facebook page. Um, I'm in transition right now on my last name. So Lauren Thomas to Lauren Lipinski. So, um, I have some things under Lipinski, but, um, yeah, I mean, I'm just here to help anyone. I want to be an advocate. I'm happy to give my number out to have people reach me directly. I will not rest and I will not be happy until every perpetrator is behind bars and every victim is safe with their family, like their children, the people, you know, I want everybody rescued and I won't stop until that happens.

23:59John Lee Dumas:Fire Nation, you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. You've been hanging out with Lauren and JLD today. So keep up the heat. And for links to everything we talked about, visit eofire.com. Just type Lauren in the search bar and the show notes page will pop right up. And Lauren, thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation today. For that, we salute you and we will catch you on the flip side. John, it's been amazing. Thank you so much. And thank you to everyone at Fire Nation for this opportunity. Hey, Fire Nation, a huge thank you to our sponsors and Lauren for sponsoring today's episode and fire nation.

24:31John Lee Dumas:Are you an entrepreneur on fire? Who's going to share your amazing message with the world? If yes, we are now accepting applications for EO fire. So to learn more about becoming a guest, visit EO fire.com slash guests, and I will catch you there or on the flippity flip side. Stop duct taping your business together. High level runs your website, your funnels, email automation, scheduling payments, and memberships all in one place. And when you sign up at highlevelfire.com, you get a 30-day free trial plus my exclusive bonus stack that includes weekly office hours with me and much more. Visit highlevelfire.com, highlevelfire.com.

25:08John Lee Dumas:Fire Nation, are you ready to build something special in the next 50 days? Check out my free YouTube series, 50 Days to Something, short and strategic step-by-step videos by me, JLD. On day 50, you'll have a valuable asset. And the best part is it's completely free. Visit eofire.com slash YouTube and start day one today.