You are More than your Addictions with Steve Olsher

0:01Light that spark fire nation JLD here and welcome to entrepreneurs on fire brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals with great shows like The Product Boss. Today, we'll be breaking down how you are more than your addictions. To drop these value bombs, I brought Steve Olsher into EO Fire Studios. Steve, aka DJ Mr. Bold, is a 30-plus year DJ and entrepreneur, co-owner of Bravo Family Mortuary in San Diego with his wife, Lena. He's the original founder of Liquor.com, Podcast Magazine, and other endeavors. In today's foundation, we'll talk about the real secret of life, addiction destroying everything, anti-fragile, cold plunging, exercising, finding comfort and discomfort, and so much more.

0:46And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Steve and our sponsors. Nudge, hosted by Phil Agnew, is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. Ever notice how the smallest changes can have the biggest impact? On Nudge, you learn simple evidence-backed tips to help you kick bad habits, get a raise, and grow a business. Oh, and it's the UK's Fast-Growing Business Podcast. A recent episode on how to win any argument shares decade-long research into persuasion from a world-leading neuroscientist. Listen to Nudge wherever you get your podcasts.

1:18Ever thought about giving a TEDx talk? It's one of the most powerful ways to share your message with the world. And four-time TEDx speaker, Taylor Conroy from Thought Leader can help you get there. Visit thought-leader.com slash fire to join Taylor's free training where he teaches you how to land a TEDx talk and spread your message to millions. Steve, say what's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with. What is going on, Johnny? Good to chat again. And, you know, I will simply say that a lot of people talk about your network, you know, reflecting your net worth and having that be sort of the strong basis, if you will, of being successful.

2:11And I would actually say that it has truth to it. But in my way of thinking, success is not reflective of who your network is. It's reflective of your intrinsic work in terms of how you actually feel about yourself. And how you feel about yourself is going to far outweigh any network that you might put together. Well, Fire Nation, on top of this, we're talking about the reality. that you are more than your addictions. It's important to realize, it's important to know, and we're talking to a person that can speak directly to this topic. But I wanna first start off by just the reality, Steve, which is a lot of people, they think they know the secrets of life.

3:04They don't necessarily think that they are living that secret, but they think they know that if they can just make X number of dollars, or if they can just get to this net worth, or get this job, or find this significant other or have that child or buy this car or that house, that they will then have the secrets of life unlocked to them. And they will be forevermore, forevermore happy with no more problems, issues, or struggles in their life. Let's talk about the real secret of life. It's a good point. I mean, it's sort of the when-then syndrome, right? It's like when I'll have this, then I'll have that.

3:43or when this is in my life, then I'll feel this way about my life and so on. So there are some truth to that. I mean, there are some things that do bring happiness. But I will sit here as a 54-year-old man now and say that for me, really, the real secret of life is finding something that is, is the best way to put it is it has no there's no conditions tied to it in terms of it doesn't have any emotion it doesn't care whether or not you've had a bad day it doesn't give any thought or credence to what you have in your life something that loves you unconditionally at the same time it doesn't love you at all and as an example the real secret of life, in my opinion, is finding something that ultimately is there for you day, night, 24-7, 365, and puts fire in your soul.

4:52As an example, perhaps something like I've been doing jujitsu for 24 years, something that is an inanimate object, right? Again, it's not a person, place or thing necessarily. It's something that you can live your life by, whether it's a code or a credence or an activity or whatever it might be. But at the end of the day, it's something that you have an affinity for. It's something that you can always go to, you can always turn to, no matter where you are in your life. And that thing, whether it's jujitsu or music or, you know golf or whatever it is in of itself there's nothing to it it's it's definitionless but it's something that really and and again i've been doing you know this life thing for a long time i will tell you that for me having something that ultimately reflects what puts fire in my soul is going to make the biggest difference between just simply trying to solve this equation and having something that's purely grudens your joy, fulfillment.

6:05Fire Nation, this is coming from a person who has been there and done that, who's seen the highs, seen the lows, been on cruise control for a little while, and then figured out what at least his version of the secrets of life is. And you've seen personally, Steve, addiction destroy everything. You've seen it with your own eyes. Give some examples of this reality. All of us have some degree of addiction, whether we admit to it or not. And obviously, there's varying degrees of impact that addiction can have on your life, whether it's a quote-unquote good addiction, like addictions to fitness and nutrition, or whether it's an addiction to shopping or whether it's an addiction to drugs or alcohol or whatever that might be.

6:56In my case, for years, I was addicted to porn. And frankly, I didn't even know how bad it was until I got to the other side of it. And I will tell you that when you are under the thumb of addiction, no matter what that addiction is, it really impacts every aspect of your life in ways that you can't even imagine. But the most important way that it impacts your life is in your feeling of self-worth and your feeling of contribution and your feeling of actually being able to have meaningful control over what takes place in your life. And I've seen addiction of all kinds with people in my life throughout the years.

7:47And it was a shock to me, honestly, to wake up one day and have a very rude awakening and recognize that I had been put under the thumb of addiction for more than a decade. and it's a period of my life that I look back on now and I can really see how it affected things in so many ways. Now, can we kind of dive into this a little bit more because I think there's probably people within the audience right now who are thinking to themselves, no, wait a second, I'm drinking like, you know, five Coca-Colas a night. Like, am I addicted to Coca-Cola? Or, you know, maybe I'm, you know, looking at porn from time to time, maybe three times a week, five times a week?

8:35Like, am I addicted to porn? Like, does that qualify as being addicted to porn if it's on a casual basis? But, you know, where is that line? Because it's obvious that maybe you can start casual and then it's just kind of before you know it, like you said, you kind of blink twice and you're like, oh my God, wait a second, I am addicted, but how did you know that you were? Like, how did that process happen? And how do people listening know if they're starting down that path, already down that path? What does that look like? The easiest way to define addiction, for me anyway, is compulsion. And so addiction is a word that kind of gets thrown around a lot for a lot of different things, some good, some bad, whatever.

9:14But at the end of the day, if you have a compulsive behavior, whatever that behavior might be, that's where the line is drawn, where you say to yourself, I don't want to do this. and yet you still do it. Now, that to me is where the line is drawn. If you wake up one day and say, you know what, I'm not going to have a drink today. Today's the day I start, I'm not going to have a drink. Five o 'clock comes and you start getting that feeling, that sensation of, I need to have a drink. If you can't stop yourself from having that drink, you're under the thumb of addiction. It becomes a compulsive behavior.

10:00And again, there can be good addictions, so to speak, in terms of health and nutrition and so on. But even those things, when you think about it, you really break it down. At what point do you live in a way where you're no longer truly at the wheel and you're being driven by behavior that, frankly, if you took a step back and you looked at your behavior, objectively, you might say, you know what, I think you've taken this a bit too far. So for most people, you have to really sit down and look at your life and say, where am I demonstrating compulsive behavior? And even if that compulsive behavior is quote unquote beneficial, what is that behavior costing you?

10:47So anything that you want to add to this addiction thing before we move on? Because again, I really want people to leave at least this part of the conversation really with an understanding of like, okay, I'm not addicted to this, but I need to keep my eyes on it. Or man, maybe I have already gone down that path and I need to seek help. And maybe share what a person could do once they kind of find themselves in that situation. Like, okay, I do need help. What does that look like? The first step in anything, I mean, it doesn't matter what it is, whether it's in business, it's launching a podcast and developing a relationship.

11:21I mean, whatever it is, it doesn't matter. The first step in any situation is to be able to turn on the light switch and have a sense of awareness in terms of what's going on. And that to me is the most important step is so many of us just work on this, almost like on a sense of autopilot, where we just simply do things and we don't really stop to pause and give consideration to the things that we're doing. It just becomes routine. And so that would be my first suggestion is just simply stop, take inventory on the things that you're doing on the daily and then begin to create awareness around those things and ask yourself, is there any degree of compulsivity here behind these behaviors?

12:09and if you're not able to see it, I guarantee you those closest to you will be more than happy to help you see what you potentially are missing because those who love you and those who know you best are going to see what's going on daily with you and they'll have a pretty good sense of where you might want to start paying closer attention. Fire Nation, I hope you're getting some clarity from what Steve's sharing. I love what I can bring people on who have experienced the struggles, the obstacles, the challenges, learn lessons from them, come out the other side, and are now willing to be open and vulnerable and talk about them to help others.

12:46And we have a lot more to talk about in this area of discomfort when we get back from thanking our sponsors. Welcome to the world of entrepreneurship. More things added to your to-do list every day and less time to accomplish the things that matter most. Add to all that the number of tools it takes to run your coaching programs, online courses, growing team, and your physical product sales, and you've really got your hands full. Doing business has never felt harder. But what if there was a way to simplify everything, a way to manage your entire business with a single platform? Sounds like you'll need a miracle to make it happen, doesn't it?

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14:37Find out how much at airbnb.com slash host. Do you have a message inside that you know is meant to be shared with the world? Giving a TEDx talk is one of the most powerful ways to share your message with the world and Thought Leader can help you get there. Thought Leader is a speaker coaching company that has helped over 550 and counting coaches, speakers, entrepreneurs, authors, and experts land TEDx Talks. Thought Leader is not affiliated with TED or TEDx, but they're able to get these results because their founder, Taylor Conroy, is a four-time TEDx speaker himself and past EO Fire guest. You might be thinking a TEDx talk sounds great, but where do you start?

15:14Taylor has put together a free training that's going to teach you how to land a TEDx talk in as little as 90 days. Join Taylor to learn exactly what TEDx organizers are looking for in their speakers, how to write a talk that goes viral once it goes online and more. Visit thought-leader.com slash fire. Join Taylor for this free training and get your message out of your head, out of your heart and out into the world where it belongs. That's thought-leader.com slash fire. Steve, we're back. And one of my favorite books of all time is this book, Anti-Fragile. And it's just all about becoming an anti-fragile person, of course, meaning not being fragile, not breaking.

15:57You know, there's a lot of people that talk about that's one of the problems with some of the younger generations. Of course, older generations are always complaining about younger generations and that will go on for eternity. That will never stop. They may be right. They may be wrong. Who knows? But you know, one of the big things is, hey, the younger generations, they're fragile. Like, you know, they're just like in this little bubble and then because their parents are like little helicopter parents and they have everything and they never get challenged and you know oh no like don't raise your voice to that five-year-old when he did something wrong you might hurt his feelings and so then you're creating this like anti-fragile sorry this fragile person that when they go into the real world and experience the real world they're fragile they break they can't handle so I'm a big believer in this world of being and becoming anti-fragile.

16:43I do believe that my time in the army was a huge reason why I became anti-fragile. You know, when everybody was saying, you know, back in 2012, John, your podcast idea is stupid. You're a bad podcaster. I can't stand listening to you. Like your voice sucks. Like your podcast sucks. I was like, that is totally your opinion. And you know, deep down it hurts, but it not enough to make me stop because I'm anti-fragile to a degree. And that's why even to this day, if we kind of shift over to other things like nutrition, in health and wellness. Like I do a cold plunge every day, 41 degrees for five minutes.

17:15And man, it sucks. Man, I'm uncomfortable in that thing. I never like it. I love the after effect of it, but I don't like the actual act of it for five minutes. But man, that helps make me more anti-fragile. Exercise, weightlifting, fasting, doing difficult things in health and wellness can really be beneficial to you long-term health and wellness wise. and I have found that I've really been able to find comfort in the discomfort of those things that I mentioned right there, both business and health and wellness, relationships, et cetera. Talk about that. Talk about finding comfort in discomfort.

17:54Yeah, and I still can't believe your mom said all that about you. It was actually my dad, but yeah. Oh, that was your dad, my fault, right? But no, I mean, look, it's a really interesting conversation because I could definitely see how your time in the military absolutely pushed you to the brink of discomfort. And of course, when you get into that point and in a place of discomfort, what happens, right? Something breaks. And when something breaks, that's not necessarily a bad thing, right? When you think about, as you said, weightlifting and you build muscle, you build mass. Not to get too technical here, but to build mass, you actually have to destroy the existing tissue for it to regrow and become bigger, faster, stronger, whatever that might be.

18:47But you're literally breaking down the muscle, if you will, when you weight lift in order for it to grow. So it's a really good analogy, actually, in terms of this conversation. And when you think about comfort, most of us, you know, we just do the same things day in and day out. Like, let's say, for instance, you love turkey sandwiches for lunch. It's just what you do. Most of our lives are spent in a state of rewind. Like if you think about an old tape recorder, like we just keep hitting that rewind button and hit and play, rewind and hit and play. very few of us live our lives on the record button where we're experiencing new things and doing new things and establishing new routines and so on think about before you like the turkey sandwich that turkey sandwich was new to you the first time that you tried it after you tried it you're like oh i really like this this is something i can eat but the first time you tried it that was all new to you.

19:48That was putting you in a place of discomfort. And so very, very few of us as we get older, use the record button anymore. We're not trying new things. We're not experimenting. We're not willing to break out of this sort of set pattern and set path that we've created for ourselves. And yet, what I have found personally, is that the biggest degree of growth, and those growth stretches, growth periods that I have in my life, are always as a result, always as a result of having something come into my life. And Brendan Burchard talks about this, you know, he's been talking about this for years, you know, people change because either something new comes into your life or something new comes out of you.

20:40And for most of us, when something new comes into our lives, like a cold plunge, for example, I agree with you, John, I've been taking cold showers. I don't do a plunge, but I've been taking ice cold showers. It's going on about two years now. And there's not a single day, not a single day that I turn on that shower and I go, oh, you know what, man, I'm looking forward to getting into this cold shower, this icy cold shower. And you used to live in San Diego, man. So, you know, it's not crazy cold here, but in the morning... I had a space heater under my desk for the entire winter, for sure. Right?

21:14And so in the morning, you know, it's not 33 degrees like some cold plunges, but the water temperature still can be in the 40s. And, you know, that's pretty chilly. But the point is, there isn't a single day that I get into the cold shower and think to myself, man, I'm really going to enjoy it. But it's a mental victory. And I know we can't speak too many words here that are back. It's a family family show. But one of the things that Joe Rogan said quite a while ago that I really resonated with is he talks about his cold plunges and the activity of the cold plunges, taming the inner beep, you know, beginning with a B and ending with an H.

21:56Taming that inner beep, right? And there's something to that that really resonated with me because it's almost like a small victory every time that I get in. Because the body is telling you stay in comfort, stay in comfort, stay in comfort. The mind is telling you stay in comfort, stay in comfort, stay in comfort. And so you almost have to go against yourself in order to have that victory take place every time you step into the cold plunge. And so how does that translate? Well, if you think about it, it translates in a number of different ways, not the least of which is, let's say you've got to make a phone call to somebody that you're scared, you know, to make a phone call to, it's a business thing or whatever.

22:39You make that phone call, you ping that interview, you know, beep, right? And it makes you more prone to be able to take on those activities that, frankly, you may have been concerned about taking action. And so, you know, that's just one of the examples that I can share with you in terms of finding comfort and discomfort and how, you know, how that will play out for you in your life moving forward. But at the end of the day here, so many of us would benefit from extraordinary ways from just simply being open to doing things that, frankly, they've already written off as being something that they can't, won't, shouldn't, don't do.

23:26Fire Nation, a lot to think about here as you go through your life. Hopefully not just seeking comfort, just looking to Netflix and chill, just taking lukewarm to hot showers every single day because becoming anti-fragile, which by the way, again, a fantastic book, I recommend it, can be the best thing that you can do for yourself and for those whom you love. So Steve, you've dropped some value bombs all day here. Let's end on a high note. What is the one key takeaway you want to make sure Fire Nation gets from our conversation today? The one key thing I would ask that Fire Nation takes away today is just to take a moment or two every day to journal.

24:10And I know you've got a great journal, the Freedom Journal. I know you've been a big part of this scene of journaling for years now. and kudos to you for being on the leading edge of that. But, you know, I really think that it's important if you're not comfortable sharing your thoughts for the day or whatever, that's fine. But at least take inventory in the things that you did and really start looking at where your time is going. Because at the end of the day, and this is the key takeaway, at the end of the day, there's only two ways to use your time. You can spend your time much as you would like a dollar if you wanted a bottle of water, whatever you spent a dollar and that dollar is gone and you can't use it again.

24:51Or you can invest your time, much like you can invest your money in and hopefully in a dollar invested today, it'll be worth$2, 20 years from now, whatever. But it's the same thing with your time. The time that is spent is time that you'll never get back and it will have no benefit for you in the future. The time invested allows the you of tomorrow to give thanks, right? Looking back to the U of today for the activities that you've taken on. To really just look at that journal, even if you keep it for a week or two, where are you spending your time and where are you investing your time? And I think you'll find that those numbers are pretty scary.

25:33And very few of us invest enough of our time to make a dramatic enough difference So if the you of tomorrow looks back at the you of today and gives thanks for the activities undertaken. Steve, if Fire Nation wanted to connect with you, learn more from you, what is your call to action for our listeners today? It's so funny because I've been, quote unquote, out of the space for a couple of years now already. And I used to do so many interviews and used to have my own show and so on. And way back in the day, I owned my own nightclub. I DJed in clubs and I lost my way for about 30 years man. I finally got the bug again and got back into it and learned the new technology.

26:19And I started DJing again about a year ago and I'm just really excited to see where this is going and to be able to play the festivals and do the things that I'm doing now that I didn't think I would be doing. So for me it's all about the music. And if you're interested in house music, at DJ Mr. Bold, M-R-B-O-L-D, at DJ M-R-B-O-L-D on Instagram is the best place to connect. And that is my life. That is my world. Fire Nation, you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And you've been hanging out with S-O and J-L-D today. So keep up the heat. For links to everything we talked about today, visit eofire.com.

26:57Type Steve in the search bar, S-T-E-V-E. And the show notes page will pop right up. And Steve, thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, being vulnerable with Fire Nation today. For that, we salute you and we will catch you on the flip side. Hey, Fire Nation, a huge thank you to our sponsors and Steve for sponsoring today's episode. And Fire Nation, are you ready to rock your very own podcast? Check out our free podcasting course where I will teach you how to create and launch your podcast for, you guessed it, free, freepodcastcourse.com. I'll catch you there or on the flippity flip side.

27:32Nudge, hosted by Phil Agnew, is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. Ever notice how the smallest changes can have the biggest impact? On Nudge, you learn simple evidence-backed tips to help you kick bad habits, get a raise, and grow a business. Oh, and it's the UK's fast-growing business podcast. A recent episode on how to win any argument shares decade-long research into persuasion from a world-leading neuroscientist. Listen to Nudge wherever you get your podcasts. Ever thought about giving a TEDx talk? It's one of the most powerful ways to share your message with the world.

28:04And four-time TEDx speaker, Taylor Conroy from Thought Leader can help you get there. Visit thought-leader.com slash fire to join Taylor's free training where he teaches you how to land a TEDx talk and spread your message to millions.