Your Happiness Choice with Marilyn Tam

0:01Boom! Shake the room, Fire Nation. JLD here and welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire. The only daily show interviewing the world's top entrepreneurs seven days a week. Today, we'll be breaking down your happiness choice. To drop these value bombs, I brought to Marilyn Tam and EO Fire Studios. Marilyn is a speaker, author, consultant, board-certified executive, and corporate coach, formerly the CEO of Aveda Corp, president of Reebok Apparel and Retail Group, vice president of Nike Incorporated, and a successful entrepreneur of four companies. Come on, Marilyn. Today, we'll talk about the five decisions that will determine our happiness.

0:37Fire Nation, get fired up for this because it's a lot more coming your way as soon as we get back from thanking our sponsors. Is now the time to grow a successful business? Attend the world's highest rated business growth workshop taught personally by Clay Clark and now featuring football star Tim Tebow and President Trump's son, Eric Trump at thrivetimeshow.com slash EOfire. Again, request life-changing tickets today at thrivetimeshow.com slash EOfire. Marilyn, say what's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with. What I believe that everybody has is the ability right now where they are to become successful.

1:25They already have what it takes. So you don't have to climb six more mountains and do whatever all. You right now have the ability to become successful from where you are. And we're talking about your happiness choice today, Fire Nation. We're going to be really diving deep into this because Marilyn has a list of five decisions, count them, five, that will determine our happiness. Marilyn, let's start with number one, money. Exactly. Because actually most people focus on this one. In fact, they think that is the only reason or only thing that's going to make a difference on whether they're happy or not.

2:07If I have so much more money, and it's usually more, I've never heard of anybody who says, I wish I had less money. They focus so much on this decision, which is important. Yes, you need money for survival in our economic world. But that is not the only decision, but it's how we look at money and how you balance that with the other four decisions that you need to make to determine whether you're truly going to be successful or not. Well, we're going to dive into all five today, but what I want to do is talk about each one, one by one, individually, and then give us a real world example. Maybe that you've experienced, Marilyn, or somebody that you know has experienced.

2:52That's a good example of that in real life. So money, what is that example? I'll give you a perfect example. You know, one of the things I do is I coach top leaders in business as well as nonprofits and as well as government on their life balance, their choice, their success, all the aspects. You know, I'm an executive coach, but then I actually integrate all aspects of it. So I won't name this person because obviously it's a sensitive information and I never talk about who I coach anyway. But this person is a very high level, in fact, a C-level executive in a Fortune 100 company, Fortune 50, I should say.

3:35And this person has achieved what we, in Western society particularly, think of as success because they have several houses, their own plane and helicopter, personal chef, and all the different accoutrements one would think would make a person happy. including being on their third spouse, who they think is now the one. But then I'm sure since I've gone through some years ago meeting this person in other circumstances, that's what this person thought also was his life made with the second one. So obviously something isn't working because in all monetary aspects, This person has all the things that one thinks needs to be happy.

4:37And he confessed to me, how come I'm not happy? Because I've got everything that people say I need to be happy. So having incredible amounts of money does not guarantee happiness. There's got to be something else. And in this case, that's what we worked on to shift his perspective of getting more money is not going to get him what he's looking for, which is happiness. So it was something that our society has very much conditioned us all to think about, which is if you want to be happy, just get more money. and he really bought into that and has accomplished that in all aspects that people in other levels of economic well-being would say he's got to be a happy guy because he's got everything but he doesn't he doesn't have something inside of him that would bring about what we call happiness which is an overall sense of well-being of peace and of feeling like there's a balance in your life.

5:58He didn't have that. There has to be something else, Fire Nation. That's such a powerful phrase. I mean, the first 2000 episodes of Entrepreneurs on Fire, I asked my guests who are all successful entrepreneurs, what's your worst entrepreneurial moment? So many of them said, the day that I sold my company. It was crazy for me to hear because I'm like, well, I thought that'd be the best day your life because you sold your company. Now you're rich. You have all this money. That wasn't it. That wasn't what brought them happiness. In fact, not having that brought them unhappiness. And that was really interesting to me.

6:32And I want to move on to number two, body. How does body play into happiness? That's what most people, when they're on the climb to make more money, give up. They abuse their body, not consciously, but they work too hard. They drink too much coffee. They may drink other beverages, which also lead to more damage on the body, as well as other ways to stress out the body, whether physically or with medication, whether prescribed or otherwise. And they don't take care of it. They eat badly because they don't have, they, quote, don't have time. They don't exercise. They don't do all the things that when the body is not in balance would hurt how we feel, would be a total deterrent on how we perceive life.

7:36because if we are taking medication to calm the ulcers that's coming from distress, uppers and downers just to get going, all the different things that we can do to our body, which results in unhappiness. And when we are in sole pursuit of what society tells us is happiness, which is, as you mentioned, money and how that is going to shift our thinking and giving up our body in the pursuit of it is one of the first causes of unhappiness, no matter how much money we have. And Fire Nation in 2015, I can remember so clearly looking in the mirror and just feeling puffy, feeling bloated. I was out of shape.

8:31I wasn't eating great. I was at the computer all day, scrunched over, just staring at a screen, trying to build the business. I was like two and a half, three years into Entrepreneurs on Fire. I was in the grinding stage. But man, that didn't mean I had to give up body. That didn't mean I had to do that. So I mean, luckily I made a change because I visually saw that I had to. My energy levels were low. So I hired a trainer, started eating better, started doing the right things. And listen, your body, man, it will be magical. It will recover from abuses you give it quickly when you start doing the right things.

9:03I prioritize sleep. There are so many great things you can do so quickly. Just give your body a chance. Marilyn, let's talk about relationships. And it's so funny because I can kind of tell about how these all tie together. Your money, the body, and relationships. Because that's another thing we sacrifice when we focus on making money. And even if you're just also focusing on, as you say, taking care of yourself. But we have other people around us, or maybe we don't have anybody around us because we're so focused on the first two. So it's a matter of saying, how do we combine not only our physical life between money and body with relationships?

9:49Because relationships is really what causes us to understand that there's more than us in the world. When we're young, we depended 100 % on other people to take care of us. Those are loving, caring relationships to bring us to where we are now. And when we get very old, again, we're going to have to depend on other people to take care of us. So in between time, all we have is a time to cultivate and appreciate that we are not alone. we are social animals human beings are social animals when we don't have relationships we don't have that connection that we all need to thrive and that's really the word without relationships we cannot thrive because the old saying no man is an island no person is a person without other people so relationships whether it's the single one your love interests, or is it your friends, your neighbors, your children, if you have any, all of those relationships that bring us either joy or loneliness.

11:09And so like the other two, we talked about money and body. It takes time. It takes dedication. It takes attention to build and foster these things, relationships. And Fire Nation, that's why I end every episode of Entrepreneurs on Fire by saying, you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. You need to be very intentional about your relationships. You need to foster those relationships. You need to surround yourself with the right people. And we have two more to talk about when we get back from thanking our sponsors. The job market is constantly fluctuating. Did you know that according to a recent ZipRecruiter survey, 76 % of employers plan to expand headcount for 2025?

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13:55Marilyn, we're back and spiritual life is the next step in this process. Talk to us about that. It's a funny one because some people think that I don't need spiritual life. That's abstract. That's something not real. But that is so real because... When we have no connection to something else greater than us, then we feel like that we are here alone. Yes, we have people around us, but there's got to be some bigger reason because all of us, everyone, and sometimes in our lives encounter hardships or great success. Do we think all that was done through our own efforts? or is there something greater, some bigger connection to something that brings us that sense of divinity?

14:51I've talked to people who are atheists. They really believe there's nothing other than what they are. But even then, it is a sense of spirit because they're believing absolutely there's nothing, but there is a conviction of sense of being. And so I'm not advocating that anybody needs to have a particular religion or even a religion. It can be nature, but there has got to be a sense of connection to something greater than us that is intangible. And that is something that we enjoy in a way that gives us an anchor to something greater, to something that makes us feel that we are here for a purpose, that there is some reason for our being.

15:48We were just born, put on this earth for so many years and just die. This could be something greater. And so in that sense of wonder, of connection, you have a sense of belonging that doesn't come from just all the other aspects, the physical aspects of life. And it's intangible that it's difficult to talk about, but I think anybody, I would offer to anybody just a chance to stay quiet for a little while and feel the intangible that we all at times have felt, to know that that is there to support your life in ways that cannot be measured in dollars, in physical measurement, but it's there. It's an abstract but very powerful aspect of life.

16:43Marilyn, let's talk community. Why is that important? As I mentioned earlier, we depend on people when we're young, and we didn't pay on people again when we are old. In between time, when we think we're so independent and forging forward, isn't it time for us to connect and give back? Because we didn't get to where we are without community, and we're not going to end our lives without community. It is only the circle of life when we connect them all together. And I want to give back that example I talked about earlier about my client. who was so focused on money and had all these things. He not only had money to focus on just getting another plane or another helicopter, he had his personal trainer came every day to help train him.

17:39He, as I mentioned, was in his third marriage. And when that wasn't enough, they hired personal coaches to work on the relationship and bought lots of things for his children so that they had all, quote, things that they needed, whether they needed it, but it was all about financial. But only when he realized that he needed a spiritual life, meaning there's something intangible that he can connect with and also truly give back and involve himself with the greater whole, giving back, connecting, and raising awareness of making a difference. all these things is what finally got him to a place where he said I'm truly happy now I have all the aspects that make for happiness I have the money I'm working on my body my relationships I've changed from just using money to buy them whether it's from counseling or presents or more stuff and to having a relationship with something greater than myself, some spiritual life, and giving back to the community, now I am complete.

18:55I have connected to all aspects of what life is about. Putting all this together in some dynamic balance, which we all find at different times of our lives, how the balance works, but we need them all always. Marilyn, let's wrap this up in a nice bow. In a concise sentence or two, how can we live so that we can be happy, healthy, and successful all at the same time. Recognize that we're here as a member of a community working together collaboratively to create abundance, health, joy, and fun, and in line with the greater good. And when you have all that together, you definitely are happy and in a way to more and to creating more happiness in the world.

19:48Marilyn, if Fire Nation wants to connect with you, wants to learn more about what you have going on, what's your call to action for our listeners today? I have a lot of information on my website that's free for anybody who you call to learn more about what I stand for because I'm really, as you said, ready here to serve, to help. Just go to my website, MarilynTam.com, and look up the information there. I have a blog, a medium, which is also free for you to look at. So there's a lot of material, whether it's on my website, on my blog, on my YouTube page. There's lots of ways for you to just enjoy and learn, support each other and grow.

20:38So, of course, I do give keynotes and coach high-level executives on how to have a happier, healthier, and more successful life. Fire Nation, you're the average. Of the five people you spend the most time with, you've been hanging out with MT and JLD today. So keep up the heat. And for links to everything we talked about, visit eofire.com. Just type Marilyn in the search bar and the show notes page will pop right up. And Marilyn, thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation. For that, we salute you and we'll catch you on the flip side. Thank you. Enjoy it. Hey, Fire Nation, a huge thank you to our sponsors and Marilyn for sponsoring today's episode.

21:19And Fire Nation, successful entrepreneurs accomplish big goals. That is why I created the Freedom Journal to guide you in accomplishing your number one goal in 100 days. And we're talking step by step. Visit thefreedomjournal.com and I'll catch you there or on the flip side. Is now the time to grow a successful business? Attend the world's highest rated business growth workshop taught personally by Clay Clark and now featuring football star Tim Tebow and President Trump's son, Eric Trump at Thrivetimeshow.com slash EOFire. Again, request life-changing tickets today at Thrivetimeshow.com slash EOFire.