A Podcast on Parenting and Becoming a Mom

30:27It makes him feel excited to go to bed. I sing, twinkle, twinkle to him. and then that's like by 7.30, like that's done. I can work, I can do this. By the way, after bath time, I was thinking about this and I was like, I have to talk about it in the bath. I leave every room, every activity I've done with the kids, I leave that room cleaner than when I arrived. So for bath time, I bring all their pajamas. By the way, I get them naked, clothes immediately. I put them in the bathtub, clothes immediately in the laundry hamper, diapers immediately in the laundry basket, in the diaper pail, period. That shit's not sitting around.

31:09Step one, I take one kid out first. Oh, I bring pajamas, diapers into the bathroom. I take one kid out first, wipe down, lotion, pajamas, boom, you're free to go. Next kid, lotion, pajamas, diaper, boom, you're free to go. While they like rip into their little like zoomy lap around the house after bath, that's bathroom. Every toy is put back in the backstit. Towels laid over the side of the tub. Both of their towels are hung up in their designated towel area. Lights are off. Everything, boom, spick and fucking span. I do not, I'm not leaving this till later. I, this is like a big mom tip this morning.

31:50Like when I go to school, when I take them to school in the morning, every dish that I used that morning, the pan, the mixer, the thing, it's all clean. It's clean. As they're eating, I am cleaning everything up. I'm cleaning it all up. I was early today. I just, I do something and I use something. I put it back. I do it. I put it back. I put it back. I clean up. I respect my space. So like even my nanny always laughs because she's like, man, when you're alone, like this place is fucking clean as shit. She's like, it's so clean in here. I'm like, I know the kids are early to school. I just like, I think a lot of people like to undermine, you know, moms that have help by being like, Oh, you have help.

32:31It doesn't like my nanny's not here 24 hours a day. I do full morning routine. I do full nighttime routine. I'm at home for work like all day long. Carlo runs up here and kicks it with me multiple times a day. Like I am not as locked into work as I should be. Like this podcast is turned in late again because I did a bunch of stuff with my kids today. So there's checks and balances here, but I will tell you, I run a fun, tight chip. And with me being really organized and cleaning up, there is no tension around that. I'm not like, we're not living until... I sing. There's always music playing in here.

33:13I'm always singing to something. It's always really light. And it makes me feel in control in a way that makes me happy and confident. I'm looking at my house. It's clean. That's done. I don't have a brain that's full of like, oh my God, it's a mess. It's a mess. It's a mess. My house is clean. My room is clean. I make my bed. Dominic makes our bed. Dominic makes the bed. I do my makeup. I put my makeup away. I'm like that in my life. so and that's good for my kids you know I clean up their room you know Carlo is good he'll clean up Carmela obviously you know still we're still working on it but like when she still like when my kids play with a toy when we're done with that toy that toy goes away there's not toys all over the place yeah they have their little play kitchen and that's packed with stuff and whatever but it keeps them interested in their toys to not have them splattered everywhere I get they get really excited when we take like a new thing out it keeps all the pieces together So in that way, like I feel very like myself, very grounded, very in control.

34:18I don't feel like things are chaotic because I don't have a chaotic environment. And that's really, really, really, really helpful with parenting.

34:34There are a few things that I've been doing consistently for the last five years that are like pertinent to this podcast, like where I mentioned, like you just find your formula and that could be a workout, a skin routine, your friendship, like it all comes down, you know, how you spend your time, these things that just make you feel good. And part of my formula, the last five years that has been life-changing for me is being consistent with Nutrafol because I was so panicked with all the different changes that were going to happen in my life with my body and I was mentally prepared for all of that.

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38:21What else did I want to say about parenting? I was like trying to think today. I was like, I'm going to do a podcast. Yeah. But I think like the top things that everybody always asks me are like, you know, fear over body changes. And listen, by the way, if you're somebody who's had like a rocking body your whole life and you're thin, like, like all of my friends found like just, they just like bounced back like in, not like in a unhealthy way, you know, they like your body naturally goes back, you know, mostly to the shape that it was. And they have to like work to get the extra 15 to 20 pounds off, which takes a few months or however.

39:02And then it's like, they're back to normal. I'm the only one that it took me like a year with both kids, but like, it's like all, no matter what the scenario is, like, you're going to get there. I think the heaviness is, and the times where I've felt overwhelmed by life in general is when I'm in like a bad place, when I feel physically bad, when I'm, you know, over severe, you know, I've been many weights, but when I'm really heavy and I'm pre-diabetic and I feel physically like shit and I, you know, I'm out of breath and it's hard for me to run and nothing fits me. Like, and that when you're in all of that, like it's awful.

39:50And like, of course you have that after you have a baby, you know, like you have that for a while after Carmela, I didn't lose. I was in such horrible. My body was in such a bad place after I gave birth to Carmela and people love to fucking pull up pictures of me from like two months after I gave birth when I was like severely pre-diabetic and had undiagnosed PCOS and couldn't fucking walk without feeling like I was going to die. It was like such a crazy low point. I was aching. I felt awful and there was nothing I could do. I felt like to get out of this space, you know, it took me, it took me a long time.

40:39And listen, did I have a good attitude about it? Sure. I worked with a functional medicine doctor and the privilege of doing that. And I was able to like get it under control, but I also had to make a real choice with myself. Like, you know, can I get up earlier and work out? Can I make sure that I'm walking 10 ,000 steps a day with Carmela. Like, can I, you know, once you kind of like put all these things together, work with the doctor, you know, I started taking some MEP4 when I started doing this, I was trying to Zemp, I go Zemp, it didn't work. We were trying like all these different things to like manage everything until we found a formula and you will get there.

41:23Every mom I know has their formula. Every mom I know has their formula. Some like Like, like, it's like, it's this Pilates or this online thing and this thing. And I have, I think like, by the way, I was going to say like, you know, it's really just like formulaic, like, you know, it's the same thing for lunch and the same thing for dinner. And I say, you just get into like these little kind of like routines. And so you just get your formula, get your formula and you, and you start to feel like yourself and you start to feel in control. And I think it's really good to have really wonderful friends and friends that are fun and friends that have kids that want to invite you over with your newborn, you know, whatever age you're comfortable and hang out and pour you a glass of wine or come over with a bottle of wine and talk and check in and make you feel like yourself.

42:11And, you know, there's, you'll get back to it like so much quicker, but I think your kids will adjust to your life a lot more than you think that they will. and having your children adjust to your life, for me, makes me feel like myself, makes me feel like I am not in a chaotic nightmare of a situation. I also have a very loving partner who is down to watch our kids so I can do the things that are important to me every once in a while. And same with him, same with him. I have no problem that he is traveling this long for work. I think it's important. I think it's good for him to feel in control of his work.

42:57I think it's good for us to miss each other. Like it's all, there's no resentment. Like I would never say to him, you were gone. And I watched the kid like, woof, that type of conversation is never happening with each other. Never, never, never, never, never. Always love and support. So listen, I hope that any of this is helpful. I mean, all of this is really helpful. I hope I'm not undermining like real struggles. Yeah. My mom living here obviously helps a lot, but I will tell you this, like, and this is dead ass. And my mom and Davide and I talk about this all the time. So our kids, like I've said from the beginning, since I had kids, since I had Carmella, you know, I've been putting Carmella to bed at seven for five years almost.

43:47And And Davide and I do go out on dates a lot. And everyone's like, how are you going out on dates when you've, my mom lives with me. Okay. So there are sacrifices to the fact that my mother lives with me. We are together in the kitchen in the morning. We are together. It's not like my mom has a job. It's not like my mom travels. My mom is here all day. All day. My mom is here. and she eats lunch with me and she sits down and has dinner with us every night. And when we go out to dinner, she comes with us. Like the next car that I'm getting, I'm doing captain seats because like my mom is in the car with us with the two kids all the time.

44:28Like she is a part of the group. So a lot of people aren't willing to do that in exchange for having like extra help. But I'll tell you why we leave the house to go on dates. This is we're never alone because my mom's here. So otherwise we put our kids to bed at seven and we'd sit in the kitchen or we would sit outside. Like we would cook together and have a romantic, you know, like we don't have that. And when my mom, like in the rare instances where my mom is out of town, I feel like I'm in high school. My boyfriend's over. I'm like, oh my God, we're alone. Like we can be like naked if we wanted to in our house.

45:07Like I feel like it's fucking teenager. and we like turn on music and we, we do, it just hit me. We do everything my parents did. You know, we like dance in the kitchen and we listen to music and we're romantic and we love up on each other. And that's not something that is available to us when my mom's here, you know? And I, I, and would I give that up? No, I know because I can't imagine, I'm not going to get into it, but I can't imagine my mom living alone. At some point, we would reverse that and move her back in because I don't think cognitively it makes sense for somebody in their seventies to all of a sudden live alone for the first time in their lives, right?

45:51Somebody who doesn't necessarily make food for themselves. My mom's like a caretaker. She does things for other people. I think that would be like a real big shock. So this feels right. and it's beautiful, but, you know, Davide and I do go have dinner. We have nightcaps or whatever often, not often, but at least once a week because we don't get that alone time in our own house. You know, we're done with dinner. My mom sits on the couch. She watches her shows. She likes to be in the mix. She wants to be on the couch downstairs. So God bless her. Great. We watch movies together. We watch shows together.

46:27My mom, you know, I had another mom come up to me once. I couldn't fucking believe it. I couldn't believe it. You know, you just never know what other people are going through. You just don't. But I had another mom that I've known before we had kids. You know, we've known her for a long time when we used to like party together and stuff. And she had had some drinks and then came up to me in an event and she was like in front of a fucking group people always like, well, you know, it doesn't count like, you know, it, like my entire world of being a parent. Cause like your mom lives with you. So you have help all day long.

47:03And I was like, do you think my mom is like, like the help? Like my mom is also like her full own person. I was like, no, babe, like I have a nanny that helps me. Like, sure. Does my mom help like pick up Carmella from school sometimes? She stays home at night with the kids, but like the kids are in bed. Like we make all of our plans. It's very rare that I say, I don't even think it ever happens anymore. I don't think I would ever have my mom do bed and bath on her own ever. I I have the nanny stay late. Like if we have plans, if we're going out, like my kids are bathed in their PJs, completely ready to go to bed.

47:51And I'll put at least one of them to bed. They're easy to put to bed, but I'm not, my mom's not doing that on her own. That's not left on my mom at all. The difference is that there's someone here sleeping overnight with the kids, but my mom is not doing anyway. So she came up to me and was like, it doesn't, it doesn't count or whatever. And I was like, that's like how you think This just works. Okay. Just remember me. I had to like, you know, I said what I needed to say and like, you know, I obviously am not like a bitch. So I wasn't like, how fucking dare you? But I was like, no, I was like, I think you kind of like a little misconception of like what our life looks like.

48:31Like that's not. So because someone who knows me was willing to come up to me and say that to me drunk, taking her face off at a fucking event. I can't imagine what people who don't know me are assuming about how that operates. And so now we all know how it operates. But yeah, I mean, I have a lot of, you know, I'm the only one that I know whose mother lives with them. And I have a lot of friends who have really thriving, beautiful relationships with their husbands and have, you know, all my friends have at least two kids at this point, if not three. And they have wonderful routines that allow them to have time with their husband and time with their kids and go on trips.

49:12And, you know, it's just all stuff that you figure it out. It's just all stuff that you figure out. And I think the thought of all of it and the potential for what could go wrong and anxiety and this and that, it's all, that is the worst part of it. And when you eliminate that and you just know that nothing is put in front of you that you cannot handle, it's all just fine. It's all just fine.

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53:25And I guess we could do just like a little rapid fire because I had a lot of you ask me about like parenting questions. I mentioned it like really quickly in my stories. I'll do a sub stack about this. My kids have boundaries. They have clear rules. They love their boundaries. This is also very much enforced with my gorgeous daughter because while she is autistic, she is smarter than every single person in the room. And if she didn't have sleep hygiene, if she didn't know that we weren't fucking around at mealtime, if she like know that she could push boundaries with us. Like kids want boundaries more than anything.

54:04So like we have strict boundaries. Like if Carlo is acting a certain way and we're in a certain environment, like we are picking him up and removing him. We are following through on, you know, we don't give empty threats to our kids. Like if you do that again, like, it's like, it's just like, we're not doing it. And you know, like I said, quick recovery is like really important. Like we're moving on. Like, I'm not going to harp on like what that you couldn't have chocolate at like two in the afternoon. Cause like, you know, like we're just, let's keep it moving. They don't need a lot of toys. They don't need a lot of stuff.

54:36Like Carmela has an abundance of like things. Cause she's my first and she's a girl. And like, I have the tiniest wardrobe for Carlo. He's so messy. I get shirts from Target. I get shirts from H &M. I get packs of stuff on Amazon. He has a few like cute, nice things. I try to get hand-me-downs. I buy things for him and her a year older. So right now I'm buying things that are size six for her and I'm buying size three for him and they're going to wear it all year long. And then they're going to wear it like we wear clothes a lot. We wear them for a long time. Oh my God. What else are my important parent roles?

55:13I touched on this a little bit, but like independent play is so important. And both of my kids are so amazing and independent play. I cannot harp on this enough. Like you don't need to be like overly entertaining your child. And I see these kids that I feel like are like over entertained a lot and they can't like, they're like not chill because they're looking for their next thing to get them all like jacked up. It's like this constant entertaining of your kid and constantly feeling like you need to do these activities with them, especially when they're really little like, and labeling them like they're touching grass.

55:53Like this is our Montessori act. It's like, it was just like normal. And there's like, like a lot of whatever. There's a really good book that I will link about this too. Oh my God. Now I can't, it's called the caveman something. Oh my God. I have it here. Where is it? But it's basically like your kid just does what you do. So whenever we're like doing an activity at home, like if Davide is washing the car, like the kids are outside washing the car with him. If I'm cooking, the kids are cooking with me. If I'm doing my makeup, like instead of figuring out how to entertain Carlo while I get ready, Carlo is always with me when I'm getting ready.

56:30That's why he knows how to do makeup. Carlo can like color match because he's with me when I do my makeup. It's a fun activity. We love it. He takes a shower with us. Like he's a part of whatever we are doing. He's not being like overstimulated with a bunch of activities, he's ripping. And he's like a free range kid. The front door is open. It's all gated in. Can't get hurt. My mom will be out there. I can see him from where... Obviously, I have my eyes on him and I can make sure he's always in my line of hearing. Of course, he's not far away from me, but I'm not on him all day wondering what he's doing.

57:11Another rule I have, like, especially at the park, but even here, like when he's trying to do something, I let him figure it out and I coach him from afar and I don't interrupt it. So if he's trying to climb something at the park, unless he asks me for help, I just coach him from afar and I'll say, lift your foot up or like, you got it. Like trust your body. You can do it. And I let him do it. And if he falls, you know, obviously from a very safe little distance at our cute little kid park, no big deal, but I'm not like, Oh my God, be careful. Oh my God. Oh my God. What are you doing? Okay. Like I'm letting him figure it out.

57:41That's very, very important to me. Food is important too. Like you get what I'm giving you. There's no other option. You are not getting a backup. That's what we're eating. You eat with us. We sit down, we eat. It's really important. It's not an option. That's what you're being served. I don't have kids that snack all day long. And unless we're on a long trip or unless I've like just woken Carlo up from a nap and we need to leave immediately, there's no eating in the car. My car is a place that is not allowed to be disrespected. It is a place where, you know, like we all have to cohabitate and like respect a communal space the same way that we respect our house.

58:24Cars are expensive. Like no No matter whether it's an entry price point vehicle or a luxury vehicle, it is a vehicle. I feel the same way about cell phones and iPads. Why do you have access to something that costs thousands of dollars as a child? It seems like there's no authority within that structure, and I don't like that either. I have a bag in the back of the car with extra diapers and extra wipes. I have wipes in the front of the car. I always have like a couple very small little toys in the car. But that's it. My car is clean and I bring them their waters and I pack accordingly, whatever.

59:05But my car is not a fucking toy bin and it's not a fucking place to have snacks. And there's not like shit all over my car. They need to respect my vehicle. I'll say like one thing that's really judgmental of me. but like when I see that parents like let their kids put stickers and shit on the windows of their car, I'm like, you're letting your kid put stickers on a vehicle that costs thousands of dollars. This is not their playhouse. It's a vehicle. Like we have to have respect for our things and the car, I, I, we really don't like, by the way, am I yelling at them about this? No. Did they have snacks in the car yesterday?

59:48Of course. These things don't control my life and make me a psychopath, but on a daily basis, there are absolutely no snacks in my car. We sit down, we have three meals a day. Every day we sit down and we have three meals a day. Do I love to give them some snacks in the afternoon? Of course. They get some veggies, they get some fruit, whatever, but they're not just snacking all day long to the point where they have disrespect for mealtime. But the sleep thing I think is really important to me. Like we teach our kids to do everything. I don't know why you think you wouldn't have to teach them to have good sleep hygiene.

1:00:26Like they look for us to have like balance and take care of our bodies and to take care of our minds and our brains. And like, it's clinically proven people need a certain amount of sleep and that we all function better when we were all well slept. So for me to be a present, happy mom that wakes up in the morning. Like I wake up in the morning and I jump into my kids' rooms. Like we jump in their beds, we lay in their cribs, we grab them, we grab Carlo, then we go lay in Carmela's bed. Like the morning, every morning in this house is joyous, fun. We are raging. Music is on. Everybody's well-slept.

1:01:03Everybody's in a good mood. We're ready to start the day. Nobody's like groggy and losing their mind. Is Carmela? Yes. because she is almost five. I think it's pretty typical for this age for them to have some sleep stuff. But she also is an autism angel that has trouble sleeping. But again, she will wake up and play. And I talked about this in my sub stack. Like she doesn't want us to hang out with her. She really wants to just be quiet and she works through it and she puts herself back to sleep. And her being able to do that and not turn like waking up in the night into a full-blown nightmare for everybody is such a beautiful gift.

1:01:45And it makes me so happy to watch her play. You know, I'll watch her on the camera. She'll get up, she'll grab, she has these like really big Legos that we leave out. She'll play with them. She'll grab a book. She'll chill, she'll sing songs and then she'll put herself back to bed. And it's just really magical to see that she's able to recover from like a little episode of waking up to get as much sleep as she can before she goes to school. because for me, especially like we pay for preschool and we have an ABA with her and then she's in multiple therapies a day that we pay for. So outside, if I'm just thinking like outside of the fact that I want and need my darling angel to get the therapy that she deserves so she can live a thriving, healthy life and learn to communicate with us.

1:02:33Like it's an investment in time. It's an investment in energy. It's an investment in our future and it's a financial investment. And when she is overly tired for these things, she is miserable and she's sad and she's unable to focus and it's hard for everybody. So her having good sleep hygiene, especially with her development and all the specialists we work with will say, thank God that we taught her this. And I met another, there are kids at the park that also are neurodivergent and they also have incredible sleep hygiene. And the parents and I are like very aligned with a lot of these things.

1:03:13And the nanny and I have talked about it so many times where she's just like, thank God, like that they are so well slept because it makes the days, like it makes them just like so happy all day long and it makes it just easier for everybody and they're happier and they enjoy their lives more when they're well slept. Okay, I love you guys. I hope that was helpful and not judgmental. And I hope that anybody who doesn't have a kid listening to this is, I hope that makes you like excited to have a kid. I don't know. There's like so much like parenting sucks shit on line right now. And thank God, you know, because people for so long didn't talk about the difficulties of having a child.

1:03:52But I also want you to know that it's fucking awesome. And like I laid on the couch with both my kids tonight. They were in their pajamas and I like love doing nighttime with them. and we were sitting on the couch. We watched one episode of Classical Baby before they go to bed, before we like go into the rooms and do the thing. And they were both sitting on my lap and Carlo was reaching across me to kiss Carmela. And then I like started, and I was just like, I can't believe I get to have both these babies. I'm so lucky. And I love, I love being alone with them. I do. I love it. I love it. It's, it's just, it's fun.

1:04:31And you just got to reprogram your brain to not be bummed about like doing dishes and picking up and like reframe it as like what a gift we get to do all this stuff. And I get to like nourish my babies with food and just it's all great. Okay, I'm going to go. Okay, bye.

1:04:52And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes this week's episode of Everything is the Best. I hope you enjoyed it. Please rate, review, subscribe, all that stuff. Maybe leave a comment. Go ahead and follow me on Instagram at Pia Barancini. And I hope you have a fabulous, fabulous rest of your day. Love you. Ciao.

1:05:18Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.