AMANDA HAS A BOYFRIEND! And she's back with advice, laughter and how to call in your person.

30:40Like neither does anybody else. Like it can be a hundred percent. Getting to know him every step of the way felt right. And it felt easy and effortless. Yeah, you weren't having to make excuses. No, it was so nice. but I just tried to take it slow. Dude, I was like, I was very proud of myself. I took it very, for me, because we were like so obsessed. You're so our neighbors, babe, what? Like, it's so - That, I mean, that made it the easiest. I would be like on my couch and I'd be like, he's just down there. I'm like, I'm trying to hang. I'm trying to have sex. I'm trying to talk. I'm trying to make out.

31:14Yeah. Well, it made it easy to date because not everything had to be like dinner. Yeah. Would be like, do you want to like - Yeah, do you want to just like sit and hang out? Yeah, like come over. I was like, I ordered Goop Kitchen, like come sit in my backyard. for an hour like do you want to like go on a walk or whatever so cute it made it really chill but yeah it just was like slow and but like so steady and he just made me feel like such a prize and like such a catch and would tell me that all the time and now we're in love it did kind of happen it happened i mean it did happen quick but like it felt so right yeah A lot of my friends were like, wait, what?

31:55You have a boyfriend? I know. He met my family four weeks in. But I get it. I remember you being like, I was like, what are you doing this weekend? You were like, he's meeting my family. And I was like, it was just like, yeah, why not? Yeah, I had plans to go. You're so close with your family. It's a part of your life. I'm like, just bring him in. I kept like trying to, I kept second guessing it. I'm like, fuck it. Like, let's throw it out there. Like, I'm like, I want you to be my family. I'm like, are you down? He's like, I'm so down. Fuck it is one of my favorite sayings when it comes to dating in a relationship.

32:26And I think it really allows for a lot of movement. Yeah. And a lot of... If it's feeling right and like things are going in the right, fuck it. Yeah, because then you're getting out of your way with all your weird head stuff, you know? Yeah.

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36:48We're here now. We're like five months in, which is crazy. And it's just like... Whoa, that happened fast. I know. It's just, honestly, 10 out of 10. He's like a sexy baby angel from Canada. Canadians are great. He's the best. So many people DM me asking, being like, like, how did you do it? Or what happened? And of course, in true Virgo fashion, I prepped a list. I just was like reflecting because I actually was talking to Jeff about this. I was like, how did we find each other? I was like, how did we both get here? Like, what happened? What did he say? I mean, his journey is different than mine.

37:28Like, boys are, he's such a boy. He's such a boy. I'm like, did you manifest me? And he's like, not really. I'm like, oh, oh, okay. But he was like, I knew I wanted a serious relationship. And he said, I knew I would know when I felt it. Oh, he's like, I didn't know the specifics. Yeah, he's 40. He's like, I didn't know the specifics, but he's like, I knew when it came around, I would feel it in my body. And he's like, and I felt it with you on our first date. I felt it in my body with Davide. I remember you telling me this. And I would look at him and be like, oh, like it's you. I didn't think you were going to look like that.

38:07And I would like watch him sleep and I'd be like, there he is. Watching someone sleep is so cute. Like not what I thought he was going to be, but like that's him. And I was like, I can't help it. It's like, this is my body. You told me this before I went to Paris on like a romantic trip long ago. You were like, you'll feel it in your bones. And then I came home. My bones were aching. I came home single. I did not feel it in my bones. I was like crawling out of my skin. Of course, boys are easy and boys don't do anything. And all of us girls preps. but this is this is a list of the things i feel like moved the needle to finally like meeting my person i'm gonna literally recap this on substack i'm so excited go ahead okay first one is give it up girl and this is about surrendering when i want to know the context in which you wrote this were you laying in bed last night or you were talking about this actually i went to lol i went to chaconis are you fucking i'm like i'm literally giving me stock sat at the bar with jeff and we like had a conversation like how did we get like how did we get perfect you know and i'm like what was your journey what was mine so the first one is give it up girl which is just about surrendering i was so fucking sick of myself by march this year i took a full month off of dating i don't even know if i said that you did and you were like i can't you're like i'm done like dude i was so oh my god like my nervous system was shot we when we had lunch at jones on third you said i can't you were like i have to take a break from this i can't do this it's crazy and i know like so many girls are out there just being like i'm so fucking over it and i'm i got to that point i was sick of complaining sick of it i was like sick of going on bad dates i'm like i gotta take a break took a break which was really important i i gotta i gotta reset and then i finally got to the point where i was like, you know what?

40:00Like, I don't know what the timeline is. So I'm going to like stop sinking my claws so deep into it, which by the way, that we all know like works for every part of our life. We want anything, if we want anything career wise, it's like, we can't like be so obsessed. We have to do the best we can. And then it will come when divine timing, when it's when the timing's ready. So that's the first one. And then the next one is thank fuck for today. Truly, you have to be happy and grateful for your life as it is in today in this moment and you gotta mean it you gotta mean it you can't fake it no because who wants to be with a la miz weird person doesn't like their life and you have deserve to be happy of course and happiness isn't like this thing that comes later when you get the things that you want it has to be today and then i took my little break and I was like, actually, I like my little life.

40:55I like my little friends. Like, it's all good. Next one was, oh, this is such a good one. This is co-written by Jeff. Cleanup shop. This was big. So before I met him, I kept, I had like a couple situationships. You did, you would go back. And also I had a couple like inappropriate friendships that were like kind of flirty. you know like guys i never like hooked up with but like maybe we had like a little you know whatever and i had i remember thinking once if i have a boyfriend like i can't be friends with this person or if i have a boyfriend like i can't have this person in my life and i was like fuck it like we're gonna clean up shop before he even comes really good idea yeah and which is awkward like it doesn't need to be so like like I'm sending you a text like I can't have you it doesn't need to be that if if you don't want it to be that but it needs to just be it could be as simple as like not available anymore yeah or even like blocking someone's number like not them not having access to you or just letting them yeah like maybe communicating like I'm taking a little break from a friendship whatever but I remember cutting off this one situationship and I was like, I can't believe I'm doing this.

42:16Like this person had been around for so long and so many years. It was just so comforting to know he was there in the wings in case. And I clipped. I've said this for a long time. Those things close your portal. Big time. But you forget you got to clean up shop. You got to clean up shop before the opportunity even arises. That was a tough one. And like, this is silly, but you got to like, also make some room in your life like my schedule was fucking packed like when we first started dating I was like oh wow I'm gonna have to really like reprioritize some stuff because I'm like I don't even have time what are you doing all the time I don't know I would either have like me time or work time or friend time so I had to you gotta like you're so busy you gotta like shift I'm busy you you're like 10 next I'm not I'm not out a lot at night though I need to be can we hang out soon yeah i'm out i'm out you're out you have plans at night you're good about being social you have like you have like you've met like also you have like more i've done this too like we're older now so we have like our new adult friends yeah that like and a lot of friendships at this point in our life sarah lanny's really good about saying this are oh my god what's the worst it's like people who live close to you on proximity it's like yeah unfortunately like friendships become I get it about proximity I get it like if you and I lived 15 minutes we'd be having lunch yeah texting being like I I'm gonna pop in let's do this I totally agree a quick drink more dinners I'm gonna put the kids like I put the kids to bed I'm like do I want to drive fucking an hour to West Hollywood right now like no I don't want to get in the bath it's it's too much of a lift I I agree yeah so I can get with my Pasadena people I know it's like it's not like a bad thing it's just like we're adults okay what's and then the last one is be your own mentor which is it's kind of like a twofold first one was i was i caught myself kind of like over indexing on like my friend's advice yes i'd be like hey what do you what do you think i should reply here totally i'm like the gut too much the gut is a muscle you gotta train it it's gotta be This is so important.

44:25And if I keep checking in with my counsel on what to do, I'm never going to learn what to do. So I like straight up stopped asking my friends how to react or reply to people. And I figured it out on my own. And then another one, this was like, this was like - By the way, do you want to receive a message that was curated by Jeff and like three of his friends? No. It's like a show. Like if I'm asking you, hey like what should I do in this situation like your answer is going to be based on your entire life and your prior experiences it's not mine I think dating is filled with so much disappointment I would say it's actually more disappointment than it is joy and that can really like bring you down and mess with your mental and I started to do this thing where I was like so pissed so disappointed I would be like I would try to access like the smart, wise version of myself because I know she's in there.

45:25And I'd be like, what would she say to me? You almost like talk to yourself as if you're your own friend. Absolutely. So I'd be like, I'm like, you know what, girl? You don't even like him anyways. It's all good. Keep it moving. People don't have capacity. Like, it's not a reflection on you. I would just have to like therapize myself. I love the word therapize. Me too. Yeah. That's adulthood. And it's good because it's, But it's not when you and you see with friends like this where like ask something will happen. You'll ask like all your friends, like, what do you think? What do you think? It's like that's too much information.

46:02Like your intuition is going to drive you there. I don't know. I like I would always get conflicting answers. Always conflicting. I feel really good. Like when I don't take someone's advice. Almost. Yeah. I know that sounds awful because I love all my friends and I get it. But like, I'll be like, like, no, I'm gonna do me. I'm gonna do me. Yeah. Like, I know the context and like, I know that this feels right. And like, it's the same thing as looking at social media. It's like, you're getting four minutes of somebody's life and you're making an entire, it's like, you're not in my home with me. You're not like feel the feelings.

46:37You're not smelling the smells. It's different. I love advice. Great. Thank you. But like, I can do it. Making your own decisions is this funny thing that sometimes we lose touch with. Like we always want to ask people, what do you think? What do you think? Even in everything. So we grew up with sex in the city as our Bible, right? Yeah, of course. So our frontal loves are being developed, like watching four girls workshop every single aspect of their relationship. Sitting at lunch, bringing their issues to the table and having three people. Yeah. You're so right. But I think it's like, it's the biggest unlock.

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51:20Those are my tips for sad girls out there. Because I feel like this was not the summer of love. Like in terms of dating, like none of my girlfriends had any sort of things popping and percolating. What happened this summer? I don't know. But like, I don't know. It's rough. I feel very grateful. I think we're all too much on the internet. Very grateful. I found my mans when I did. Yeah. I'm happy to be out of the game. Oh my God. I'm honestly happy to not be on here telling some crazy shit. I also really love that you guys are neighbors and you don't have to like be like, are we moving in together?

51:57Are we doing this? That's the best part. I'm always like, when are we moving in together? I mean not we're not we're not going to do it anytime soon because we're going to probably move but yeah we don't have to no he's like a whole he's like a closet like two and a half minutes away with like all his stuff you're we have so much of like moving in together comes down to like finances and logistics and like taking that out of the equation is really incredible no I know I mean it would be nice to like split some split like utilities with someone but it's not that deep no really nice you're fine i i ain't got room i ain't got room in my in my house no that's your house built to the brim with all your beautiful things that you bought for yourself because you're a successful adult woman i know i i shop too much i need to get rid of things my closet is bursting yeah mine is too you have to have a closet in your back house of the things that you'll never get rid of i know and then you have a little closet in your room for things that You're circulating.

52:57You're right. You're right. And the real, real has to come bimonthly. Yeah, it does. So does Revolve and Forward packages. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, bimonthly. Did people send us questions? Yeah. They did? What do you think? Oh, my God. I'm just talking to nobody online. This is a long one. My husband and I have been together for 17 years, married for three, and we have a three-year-old daughter. It was love at first sight when I was a freshman. We didn't get together until our mid-20s. he's still the handsome kind selfless smart artistic man that i've that i've ever met and he has a big we have a eggplant emoji on top of that honestly bragging about the size of your man's dick is fucking fire after 17 years like hell yeah we've been able to work through our differences but we've been fighting a lot lately like a lot a lot perfect segue Mm-hmm.

53:51The only appropriate metaphor is death by a thousand cuts. He's a micromanager and I'm type B. I've been reeling from mom brain and rage and probably some perimenopause. We've always been able to talk and work things out, but have reached a I can't take it anymore level. The other night after our toddler went down and since we don't fight in front of her, I had been stewing all day and so had he. By the time we actually had time to talk, Equilibrium and him yelling, one of us needs to leave and I think it needs to be you. He's not a yeller. He apologized later, but the The second the words left his lips and had crossed over to I'll show you territory.

54:24I packed a bag and stormed off to a hotel down the street at 10 p.m. It was an out of body experience. I couldn't believe I went there. I also could not will myself to turn back because I couldn't believe that he went there. I bet I get that. I was hoping he called or text come back, but he did not. I sobbed all night and walked home at 6 a.m. Oh, we haven't recovered from that. And I apologize. But he is stunned and enraged that I actually did it and left. He told her to. also i don't think it's that big of a deal to go blow like go like go to a hotel room for the night they were both sad and away from each other and even one of them wanted to be away from each other by the way this started because i usually forget to collect the used popsicle sticks after bath time so by the time the morning came the ants came i get it oh no question just help p.s i live for amanda sessions they've seriously gotten me through so thank you oh that's really sweet this is the type of shit that builds up in a relationship like being like yeah you didn't pick up the popsicle stick and others ants in the bathroom yeah this is why i'm saying also single girls it's just enjoy it and enjoy it for a multitude of reasons one being it's fun two you're only going to call on your person if you're having the time of your life and you're happy but three like all the other side stuff happens yeah i was yeah i was gonna say being single is actually easier.

55:47You know what I would tell her? Like I would just do a check-in with him and this is crazy, but I would just be like, let's say three things that we love about each other and just reconnect to the positivity. You know, sometimes you got to remind, like it's Death by a Thousand Cuts. It sounds like they've been bogged down in that for a minute. Sometimes you just got to take a pause on the negativity and be like, let's sprinkle some niceness in because maybe they can like reconnect. We have a code word. Well, what is it? Tiamo. Oh. Which is right on my hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's from Moonstruck.

56:25Yeah. You've seen that? Uh-huh. Do you remember the scene when the parents are fighting? Yeah. And like he's like, but it's not a good scene. Like the dad's like cheating on the mom and she's like, I don't want you to see her anymore. And like it's all this chaos and she just looks at him and she goes, and she's like, and then she goes, look at our life. It's the white flag. It's the white flag. And she goes, Tiamo and he just goes Tiamo and then they just and then he holds her hand and she sits next to him and they go and it's like over it's the white flag okay then she needs a moment where she just looks at him and she's like it's a white flag he needs a white flag that's a great and I like what you're saying and that should happen and I almost think during that conversation should be like we need like a white flag by the way I'm only saying that because that's how all couples therapy starts I know they start by being like how did you guys meet and tell me how you fell in love and then you start to go back to the the good the good times it's a grounding reminder like what are we here for you're not here to like are you over popsicle sticks no you're your popsicle is there because you were so in love you made a baby together yeah but it does get daily life gets really hard i feel really grateful i'm still in my honeymoon period and we don't live together yet like it's nice i'm i'm trying to like like just like people should love being single like I'm loving this this part can I say something though you're like a very fun like not to like when you like had a house and stuff like you were still like yeah I'm just like a light fun you're a very grounded person like these things are gonna happen but for the most part like you like are a really light fun person so everyone's drawn to you so I'm not worried about you and your honeymoon phase being over you know what I mean yeah and you are a therapist so you do know how to like reconnect reconvene totally totally i mean i'm like i'm so i feel like i'm so in tune with myself right now we're all like we don't we don't see each other every night of the week because i'm like i need nights off and you're really good about that and i would tell these people that they need a date yeah and i'm gonna dm her after this and i'm gonna see like does she have any help does she have yeah like maybe we need to like donate a babysitter for her for a night or something because she needs to go on a date she needs to go on a date they need to go they need to have like a romantic moment and it does get really hard but we carve that and that doesn't it's like yes my mom lives with us so we but we so we do dates at home a lot where it'll just be the difference of the two of you dining together yes versus the whole family and we like set the table yeah and light a candle and just where do you guys sit in the back outside in the back yeah i love your front yard we do that too like that little that little bistro table it's it's a dream the three of us the bistro table's a dream thank you it's a dream do you remember when you came over after my dad died and we sat out of that bistro yeah you and stuff yeah like a bag of stuff i know it's really nice but my mom i mean because my mom lives with us like we have the three of us i've dinner i love your mom though so she'll like back down and And she'll be like, you guys, because she's she's all she'll be like, are you guys like I'll leave.

59:30I'm like, she's like she and my dad were like constantly touching each other. So she gets it. But it is really important to it really takes you out of those moments if you can go on a date. And I know that it's not possible. So I hate giving that advice to like a parent. But it seems like we got to get back to the basics here a little bit. And I even put the kids to bed and go on a date. I at home I when I was pregnant with Carmela was like I had like a month what during my pregnancy where I was a fucking psychopath and all for valid reasons for sure but I went to I went I drove to shutters and I got a room on the beach and I didn't cry I was shocked that I did it but then I needed a night then I got there and I was like I'm ordering a sundae and a burger and like Like I took Chi Chi.

1:00:23Club sandwich to Caesar. Yeah. And I was just like, I need space from everybody. Yeah, I get it. You know what I mean? Yeah. But I hate that she was sad and crying and then he was sad and crying. Bad. Good luck to you guys. I hope you figure it out. Okay. I saved this one for you because I love this and you're going to answer this really well. I dead ass don't know how to flirt. What the fuck do I do and how do I even go about it? Oh my God. I mean, like tale as old as time. like just especially with a man, I would just neg a man where you just make fun of them, like pick something and make fun of it.

1:01:02Like that means you like them. Yeah, because we are 12 years old again. And it makes you feel like, guys love it. They love it. Guys love it. It shows that you're confident enough. Totally. To kind of brush up against them. I think giving like a man a compliment, like doesn't necessarily track. I think I think I think the power of saying hi to somebody like oh yeah like just like hey like hi like it's totally no big deal and then if there's someone you want to meet and you haven't met him but he's in your vicinity eye contact but like not creepy but hit him at least three times with the eyes he might come over I love when you make eye contact with somebody and then you turn around you're both looking at each other oh it's like the best feeling yeah my friend Julia has such a good easy pickup line like i've i've seen her do this so many times and it works every time and it's not weird what is it she'll go up to a guy and if like she'll be like i really like your shirt where'd you get it or she'll say something about his like clothes she'll be like oh what's on your uh like what's on your shirt or like what is that but she'll say something about like their shirt and they just and they're like oh my shirt's whatever and i got it here then the conversation and it's not weird no it's not weird it's cute yeah i wonder if that guy would be weirded out to be like you smell good i mean they have to smell good in order to even get that compliment but if they did smell good you know what i mean i'm gonna be like i think that's a good one i sat at the bar at saint ambrose with lonnie the other night in new york and this single guy sits there every night and was just working the bar so hard i hate that and i hated it so much like draconis and i like sat down and i was wearing like a suit through lace dress and he was like oh lucky me and i was like i'm married i have two kids and he was like you know what he said to me what i hope david never hears this at the restaurant i got so mad what he said you're married he goes just so you know i would fuck the shit out of you oh my god i said you know i said don't compliment yourself babe what are you talking about because you're so lucky my husband is so fucking inappropriate and then and then i was like are you eating here as i get and i was like i'm gonna fucking tell every girl who sits at this bar all night long to go on a date with you who does that i saw it work on a couple girls well it works until he tells them that he lives in staten island because that's where he lives and they have to like get in his car and drive over the bridge i do love staten island but but imagine waking up in that man's bed i said i literally what scary just on an island scary staring at lady liberty and lower manhattan and you're like how do I get there?

1:03:40How did you get there, girl? That's the question.

1:03:45Anyway, I want to name drop him because I was so upset about how he behaved, but I'm a nice person. Okay. Last one. I'm 32, haven't found my person, been through some duds, but also had some good ones. I love myself. I love my life, my career, family, health, all A plus. But how does a girl keep up the stamina and faith, frankly, when it comes to dating in this daunting era? I think we covered that we did she needs to surrender to the timing and she really needs to fill her cup with all the things that make her happy right now that are not boy related and what was the other thing clean out clean up shop clean up shop i was gonna say clean out the garage but like she needs in terms of having faith like unfortunately i i know that it's very very hard but you have to believe you got to believe that he's coming in due time and you just got to what brings you joy it's like going out with your friends is it like laying in bed watching earl meets world is it god i have to watch that tonight yeah oh my god dominey's out of town i get to watch bad tv yeah whatever it is but unfortunately you got to do all the things that are non-boy related wait there's one more question that i want you to answer okay i'd love styling advice to feel like your most confident self after a body and life transformation.

1:04:57I dropped 10 pounds and I built a lot of muscle and I want my style to reflect my new me. I've kept the weight off for a year. It's time to toss out my frumpy clothes. I live 40 minutes from Italy. So help. 40 minutes from Italy. Cool. I mean, for that, I would just do some massive shopping haul from whenever the local store is. Like I would do like a massive like Zara haul, revolve haul, try on a bunch of different things different and then see what you feel the best in because I didn't know like even after like I got smaller I had like this idea of what I thought my vibe was going to be clothing wise and it's actually much different but what did you think your vibe was going to be I thought it was going to be more like plunging necklines yeah a lot of decolletage yeah and now I'm actually like I'm a tube top girl had no idea and I love like tight like turtlenecks and things like that I don't know why.

1:05:49It just doesn't mean like plunging more. I think a Zara Basics Hall is really important. And people are like, you have a mass corporation. I don't know what to tell you. Find wherever it is affordable in Europe. There's Calcedonia's and Intimissimese and Massimo Dutti. And obviously lots of vintage shops. I mean, I always just love for me. It's like I always just feel the most feminine and beautiful and like a vintage dress. Yes. that's my thing but i think like yeah like going somewhere where you can figure out like what type of like are you a low-rise girl are you a mid-rise like once you figure out your like i just started wearing jeans again i have such a big fupa but like when i find the right gene i do it's it's okay you love you love to grab the foops i had to my belly was really big when i was pregnant i have a long and i had i've had pcos since i was 10 so i've always held like weight in my belly and then And I was, my children were so small for how big I was.

1:06:50The math didn't math at all for the size of my belly. Yeah, yeah. Oh, at six months, people were like, twins any day now? And I was like, no, I have so much. She's only six pounds. She's a single one and she's small. She's tiny. It was awful. It's okay. Okay, well, I love you. I'm really happy for you. Thanks. and thanks for letting me always come on here and tell my crazy stories. I think that we, the audience would be, whenever you are willing and able, would love for you to come back and give dating advice. Oh, sign me up. Because you have a good head on your shoulders. Thanks, girl. So do you.

1:07:30Okay, love you. Love you.

1:07:36And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes this week's episode of Everything is the Best. I hope you enjoyed it. Please rate, review, subscribe, all that stuff. Maybe leave a comment. Go ahead and follow me on Instagram at Pia Barancini. And I hope you have a fabulous, fabulous rest of your day. Love you. Ciao.

1:08:02Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.