did social media kill the party?

27:44It was incredible. We also threw this party in Paris one time that was 20 minutes outside of the city and Tremaine and Asai DJed and like everybody from Paris during fashion week showed up at the party. Like a Kendall, a Kylie, a Kim of like a Haley, like everyone was fucking there. It was to die for fucking sick. And the owners of the castle kept being like, hey, like the party was supposed to end at three. And we were like, what do we need to pay you to keep this going? like people didn't leave till six in the morning. It was incredible. And it was because I had spent many years partying and in the industry and like having fun people around and knowing that if you hire Tremaine and Asai to DJ an event, you're going to get the best music possible.

28:27You're going to get the best people possible. And we just had like a great group of people who were like so fun and had created this like amazing network. And so now you get a party where because people are paid to attend them, they have to make the entire party like their own photo shoot. And it's not fun to be at a party and watch everybody stare off at a group of people who are like getting content in a corner. It's just not. And we're all guilty of it. I'm a part of the problem too. But it's like, it's just like, get it before or do it quickly while you're there. But like, don't make the point like where, like, there's just no fun.

29:10It's not fun. And then a lot of these people who get paid to attend things, by the way, which really bothers me. And I think it's really bratty. And it happened at a party I went to a few months ago and I was like really disappointed because there was a girl that I followed who like just became a big influencer. And I thought she was, I mean, she is, she's a good person. She's like, I mean, sure she's, I don't know. But I was like, oh, she's so cute. I like love following her and I love her content. I'm so happy for that. She's made a career for herself and all of that. And then I like see her at the party and she's like, yeah, I was paid to be here.

29:38Like I have to contractually be here till nine. Like I'm leaving at nine on the dot. And like she was like flown out for the party and like Ben had like posted all day that she was like so happy she was there with the brand. And then she's like at the brand's event and she's like rolling her eyes at the brand. And I was like, Like you're so lucky, like in so many ways that we're alive and healthy and that your legs work and that you're an influencer and that this is what you wanted and you got it and that you get to work with such an acclaimed brand and be like flown out to LA and like put up in a hotel and like get drip, you're dripping in free clothing.

30:14And then you're complaining, like, it's not cool. Like I was like, fuck man. Like, I don't know. I guess the whole thing in itself is not cool. cool that whole concept itself but i was like this whole thing is so meta ugh so like what we used to do in new york dude oh my god i remember so alexander wang through like like i said the fucking sickest parties every fashion week it would be like luster rhymes or little kim or some crazy fucking band one of them was at one of the parties at a gas station which was sick as fucking shit one was oh my god where are the other ones they were always in these like crazy elusive places that were like he was like always trying to like outdo himself and like outdo the party and he always had a crazy surprise guest and like it was just so fun and i remember like again there were no influencers so the guest list was always like people who are friends with Alex, endless fucking models, like six celebrities.

31:23And then like the it people and the, and the people of New York, like, which would be like the cool, it would be like, I don't know, man, like even like hood by air used to have fucking sick parties. And like Beatrice would always have these parties. It was just like, always like a group of artists. It was always like a Lucian Smith, fucking God rest his soul. And young people who were like really creative, really inspiring. and a lot of those people now are doing amazing things like Catherine Holstein now has Kate and like she married a great guy that used to be you know it's like you see with how people now have these like you know Nate Lohman had a show in New York last week which I didn't get to go to because I was going to something else but I was like I'm so happy to see that Nate Lohman is still making art because the time when I lived there it was like oh my god Nate was on fucking fire you know And Supreme was always doing these really sick parties.

32:15Oh my God, they would have these insane parties. And they had one one year at Westway, which was on the West Side Highway, which our friends owned. And Johnny Famous would DJ there once a week. And like A$AP Rocky would come. And the bathroom was so dirty. And this is when I was peak designing for Reformation and we were making jumpers. And we would make these like backless wide leg jumpers. and I, mine was in fucking white. It was gorgeous. And like, it was really low as before I had fake boobs at these like perfect, like little saggy seventies boobies that I could wear, like really low cut things and like not a bra.

32:52And it was like very cute. And I had to pee, but I couldn't put my butt on the seat. I had to squat obviously cause gross. You always have to squat, but my, my pants were long and baggy and I had heels on, but if I were to pee squatting, my pants would obviously touch the ground, but there would always be like an inch of like druggy pee water on the ground of the bathroom at Westway. And so I couldn't just hold my dress up because it was pants. And so I had to hold my pants in my mouth. I remember like dying, laughing at myself being like, this is, I'm a contortionist right now. So I could pee and you would just like a dip dip set played like all the dips that with Cameron played at that party.

33:34And I mean, you were dripping sweat at these things. You were dripping sweat at Beatrice. You were dripping sweat at One Oak. You were dripping sweat at Up and Down. You were dripping sweat at Bungalow Eight. Dripping fucking sweat. Like we were wringing out our dresses and our hair as we were walking out of the club. everybody's smoking everybody's laughing everybody's doing something bad there's like one or two photographers going around that would take a photo of you that you'd be like oh my god it would be cool if I made it onto Cobra Snake or you know Purple Diary tomorrow morning and because they were cool looking photos because they were they wasn't a setup fucking photo shoot content driven, what's going to perform photo shoot at the club.

34:28It was the club and people dancing and vibing. And now I feel like people like set up like fake photo shoots to me. And it's like, and this is what I was saying. Like, it just feels like nobody's living. We were like living it. Like it, we were like, that was the campaign, right? There was no campaign. We were the campaign. And I remember like one of these Alexander Wang parties, it was, I didn't know. It was like, I couldn't, I didn't know how to get into one of them. Like one year I was like, oh my God, I have like no fucking hookup to this party. Cause usually you would know like a PR girl or like somebody doing the door or the DJ or like, and there was just like one year that his parties got so insanely important and like Aaron wasn't going.

35:13And I was like, fuck it. I don't want to get in. I was with my girlfriend, Alana. And, but I had been doing PR. And so I literally just, oh my God, it was so, we've talked about this often. So I was like, it was so ballsy, but you would just hear people say whatever you would say to get into the party. Right. And so I walked up to this door girl and they're all really young and they're all like always wearing all black and like they're panicking because, you know, the, the newest, youngest people are doing the fucking door at these things. Right. And so you're like really putting these kids out to the wolves.

35:46And sometimes there's like a hierarchy of a publicist where there's like a very chic person who has his or her eye on what's happening in society, in society currently. And they'll know who to pull in, who's cool. And they'll know who to definitely not pull in and they'll know who to pull in, who like looks great. And they'll have like a friend of a friend. And like, you know, there are these real like curators. And that's like what I did when I worked at the box, it was like, we'd get lists and there'd be people obviously didn't know everybody, but you know, I would be able, you know, I was allowed to obviously let in whoever looked extra sexy or who knew somebody who was cool or whatever was vouching.

36:22And so sometimes there was not sometimes, but a lot of times there are still often is, is some sort of negotiation at the door if you're not like on a list. And I remember walking up to this girl who you could tell was just like new and young and nervous. They had like paper lists at the time. Now everybody's fucking iPads and you know, whatever that are being like updated in like live Excel sheets. But like I walked up to this girl and I was like, I'm Pia Arobio. And she was like, oh, you're not on the list. I looked at her and I said, honey, you're going to have a very hard Monday if I don't get into this party right now.

36:57I know that you're new. I know that you don't understand. It's a mistake that I'm not on this list. I'm telling you, if you don't let me and my girlfriend in, you're going to have a very hard Monday. You're going to hear about it from your boss. Just give your, let yourself have an easy Monday. And she'd looked at me and was like, oh my God. And it fucking worked. And we got in and we talk about that. Like that was such a Hail Mary that I threw and it worked. But it's like, that's kind of the thing is like, you just become like a bullshit artist until you bullshit your way into everything. And then it's like, if you're fun and awesome and you have mutual friends, you know, then it's like, everyone's a part of the thing and it's so fun.

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42:12it was so fun and so I'm sad for a lot of reasons I'm sad that everything is so damn curated I'm sad that kids at a very young age are jaded by what they do for a living I'm sad that everybody feels like they're going to be dissected and pulled apart. And so everybody's leading with what they think is their best foot in order to not get ravaged by the internet. I'm sad that brands feel like they're not going to be relevant unless they curate people who they think are going to bring in numbers. And I think it's absolutely fine and 100 % appropriate and normal to have people that you work with who are contracted, who go to events.

42:58But I would hope that you would also mix in a great deal of people who are not. I would love to see somebody experiment with throwing a party that was perhaps not allowed to be Instagrammed. I wonder if there's a way that we can start doing that kind of activation where it's like Like you can maybe see it online the next day. And it's photographed by one person. And, you know, there's like a no cell phone allowed. And listen, we go to lots of events where, you know, people of importance are involved and it's at their houses and our cell phones are taken. I've been to weddings like this and I go to people's houses where you're not allowed to have your phone.

43:47and it's just a really fucking good time. It's a really, really, really good time because it's so, I have a very unhealthy relationship with my phone and I'm constantly like muscle memory, like looking at it even when I'm at a party and I'm guilty of all of these things. We've just morphed into this thing and now I'm kind of like objectively looking above it. Like, damn, where the fuck did we go wrong? And I just think that we have to get back to just connecting with one another and being in environments that encourage us to talk and laugh and have fun and dance. and moments that have like a carefree lightness to them because it just all feels really stressful and like really serious.

44:46And it's because these things are expensive and there's a lot of pressure and there didn't used to be this many brands. And now think about how many brands, every other person has a brand now. Again, I am part of this problem and contribute to it. But, you know, breaking through the noise is something that everybody feels like they need to do. We feel that we need to do that on Instagram. We feel that we need to do it on Substack. We feel we need to do it with our podcast. We feel like we need to do it with everything. And I think something that I really want to dive into is like the girl boss to like female founder pipeline, which kind of makes you feel like you're useless unless you don't have like three articles written about your$300 million Series A fundraise, you know?

45:31And that's something I've been thinking so much about lately. It's like, what are we doing with all this money? I'm not going to give my children any money. They'll have some safety net, but the people who my children marry will not have a cent of our money. And so I don't have this desire to have hundreds of millions of dollars. Like, you know, I don't, I just, for me, at all i'm just like that and so i think when we talk about like you know such a small percentage of people having so much of the money then i think okay like do i don't i should we could go off on a tangent and all this comes to perspective because i'm sure people listening to this and like again i'm contributing to the problem but for me it's like man if i had you know five ten million dollars and i knew how to invest that into i don't think you'd see me on the internet anymore.

46:24You know, I don't think that I would be like, oh, I have a hundred million dollar brand and I need to have the number one podcast and I need to have all the content and I need to, and, and, and by the way, I don't judge women or anybody who does that, but I'm wondering like with all of these things happening, like, when is it enough? When is it enough for all of us? When is it enough for me? When is it enough for you? What does make you happy? You know, Davide and my mom and I were talking about this at dinner tonight. We were literally talking about things that motivate you to stay alive in your old age.

46:58And he said that the pride of his 99 year old grandmother and my grandmother was the same, like sitting outside her little shitty apartment. You know how the known is all sit outside in Italy, you call them security, them knowing everybody's name in their neighborhood and having a watch on the neighborhood and watching people go by and being a part of the community. Again, I always reference Malcolm Gladwell's outliers for this because it's why the Italians and outliers weren't dying of heart disease like the rest of America because they were community-based people. So it's like, do you know your neighbor's name?

47:33Do your kids get to run out on the street and play? Like, that's my goal, right? Like that for me is when it's like, okay, we've reached, like, I don't have a neighborhood where my kids can run around right now. Like that's my fantasy for my family. And so, you know, those are our goals. It's like, how can I create like a more wholesome community driven neighborhood? And I don't feel that way in Pasadena either. Unfortunately, I don't feel like, you know, I just would love to move to a neighborhood where there's, we have our coffee shop, we have our few restaurants and families gather and you see the same people a lot.

48:05And you're just like in community and we can maybe ride our bikes to the town center or we could walk there or something along those lines. And I think, you know, I see a lot of people moving towards that. And a lot of people are, and by the way, that doesn't mean that you can't have financial goals and like want to be successful, but like, I just think like everything's gotten too serious. And so like, where's the fucking fun? And I have so many friends who are parents who have kids who, you know, are not online and they are so fun and they laugh and dance. And this is what my group of friends is like, like on a Friday night, you'll find us in Pasadena at our friend's house, just like having great conversation and dying laughing.

48:48And like, you know, last week I was in New York and I was at stuff and every night I rushed home because where I stay, my friend Chase has the bottom apartment and our friend Cassia, her best friend was staying above her. These are girls I've known for 20 years. Our friend Lonnie was staying in the building. Again, someone we've known for 20 years. And I would race home every night to sit in the backyard at Chase's and we would, I'd go into the Bowery and have, you know, buy a bottle of wine from Rico and we would smoke bad girl cigs and drink wine until three in the morning and die laughing. And that filled my soul up while I was in New York so much or like going to lunch with Courtney and Meg, minorly talking about work, laughing our ass off, telling stories about our husbands and our families.

49:36Then like court dips out to go pick up her kids from school, then goes to like a fashion show in the afternoon. Like she's living like a very full life. Like Courtney grows a really good example of somebody who's online presence is like a true representation of like how fun and vibrant and beautiful they are in real life. And she also has four children and is like such a good mom. And like that to me is like having it all, you know, I feel like she's doing such a good job of like taking advantage of what's going on in her, you know, how she's become really successful online, but it's like in such like a pure, genuine way.

50:12And it doesn't feel like calculated by any means. It's like, there's a natural attraction to her that gravitates people towards her. And she is a fashion girl. And like, that is what like the it girls in New York during my time were, you know, they were just these girls that you just gravitated towards and everybody, they were like these glowy, they were like the lights and we were like moths to the flame. And so I really feel like I, I'm hoping more for a little bit of that, like just people who you can, who you want to gravitate towards, things are a little bit less curated and that we're all like encouraged to just have more fun.

50:58And I would like to start creating more content like that. And that's the content that I would like to see, not like how to get your sub stack followers up or how to start a fortune 500 company or like how to hire properly so you can scale and like how to make your business to be like this number one business. It's a four or whatever. Like I want to see women who are like, and this is why I always really like and engage with like mom influencers on TikTok who create like really cute, fun, amazing videos about being moms. I like, I want to engage in their content to give them money so they can stay home and take care of their kids and get paid for it by creating cute, fun content that I'm ingesting all day long.

51:37That's like funny and awesome and inspiring. And that's where like the corners of the internet that make me super fucking happy. So yeah, that's my feedback about New York. And I'm not being judgmental. Like we're all doing our best. This has all happened like way too fast. We're not like it all happened to us, you know, and kind of like not really with us and everyone is doing, we're all surviving. And so I don't blame anybody for doing anything, but I hope that we can take a step back a little bit and just be like, wait, is this fucking fun? Like, does this serve me? Am I having a good time?

52:20Am I here at fashion week? Because, and by the way, I know a lot of influencers who were at fashion week and are consistently, and they are like, this is my job. I'm not here to party. I'm here to only get content. I'm here to be professional and get the best content possible. And you know what I say to that? let's fucking go stack your fucking cheddar 100 % like no big deal but I also just have to say like man oh man I miss when the girls were dancing on the tables and I miss when the sweat was dripping from the fucking dresses I just really do okay I love you guys next week's episode is gonna be really cute and fun Amanda's coming back and so I'll see you next week

53:11And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes this week's episode of Everything is the Best. I hope you enjoyed it. Please rate, review, subscribe, all that stuff. Maybe leave a comment. Go ahead and follow me on Instagram at Pia Barancini. And I hope you have a fabulous, fabulous rest of your day. Love you. Ciao.

53:49now.