In short
Breathwork and “crying” as nervous-system regulation for trauma, anxiety, loneliness, and parenting/business stress; includes CO2 breath-hold mechanics, “Bolt Score,” and emotional release practices (e.g., “cry appointments”).
Guest backgrounds
MJ Renshaw is a breathwork entrepreneur and author of How to Cry. She grew up with severe family trauma (parent with addiction, brother died in a car accident, father relapsed and died by suicide). She studied philosophy, then osteopathy, then became yoga/breathwork certified after going to an ashram. She launched her breathwork business about five years ago; she’s certified 400+ people internationally.
Key claims
Holding tears and suppressing emotion raises cortisol and is likened to smoking 15 cigarettes/day; loneliness and emotional suppression increase health risks. Breath holds train the body to tolerate higher CO2 so the amygdala (fear center) activates less. Breathwork can shift sympathetic vs parasympathetic states (“remote control” of the nervous system). Fun/connection (dancing, pizza with friends) is also healing.
Notable examples
She used breath holds during marathon training (8 seconds; trauma-driven hyperventilation). She and her husband did “cry appointments” (bath + sad TikTok/animal videos). She describes her daughter’s night terrors and self-harm behaviors and later improvements after breathwork/woo-science approaches. She cites HeartMath studies on heart-brain responses to scary stimuli.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOThe Power of Breath Work
0:44 to 4:16
Exploring the benefits and practices of breath work for anxiety.
“I'm really happy to talk about lots of things, but especially breath work, because it's something that it's been hard for me to make it consistent.”
Processing Emotions and Trauma
4:16 to 6:12
Discussing experiences with emotional processing and trauma.
“And I'm not even like a big yoga person.”
Career Shift and Healing Journey
6:12 to 12:00
MJ discusses her path from a chaotic upbringing to breath work.
“good at processing a lot of stuff, but like really working on trying to process that.”
Career Shift and Healing Journey
13:03 to 13:39
MJ discusses her path from a chaotic upbringing to breath work.
“the country and they now have a new format, which is the Anywhere Pack, which was life-changing for me with Carlo.”
The Being Method and Entrepreneurship
16:01 to 18:06
The guests discuss the intersection of mental health and entrepreneurship.
“Has there been anything that you've learned?”
Connecting Science and Spirituality
18:07 to 21:52
Exploration of how our emotions and thoughts affect physical health.
“And you have a lot of really incredible facts about what happens in your body when you store these things and what trauma does and all of that.”
Experiences with Intuition and Loss
21:53 to 24:48
Discussion on intuition, loss, and the unique gifts of children.
“And I still do it around her because I think that she, I lost my brother and we went through this wild process where my brother kept visiting, which is welcome.”
Experiences with Intuition and Loss
28:57 to 30:03
Discussion on intuition, loss, and the unique gifts of children.
“IQ bar is the better for you plant protein based snack made with brain boosting nutrients to refuel, nourish, and satisfy hunger without any of the sugar crash.”
Parenting and Sensitivity
30:12 to 33:34
Discussing the challenges of parenting sensitive children.
“But my husband, who I've like converted into being more woo woo, like this man, one of our first.”
Experiencing Trauma
33:34 to 34:48
Exploring the impact of trauma on children and family dynamics.
Show all 21 chapters
Understanding Emotional Health
34:48 to 36:51
The consequences of suppressing emotions and the importance of connection.
“And even down to, I think there's patterns.”
Health Implications of Loneliness
36:51 to 39:26
Insights into how loneliness affects health, particularly for women.
“She said, the most questions I get, almost everybody says, I don't have any friends.”
Finding Joy in Life
39:26 to 43:28
Encouraging a joyful and authentic approach to life and healing.
“And the connection that I make with people is what's keeping all of this going for me.”
Finding Joy in Life
43:32 to 44:55
Encouraging a joyful and authentic approach to life and healing.
“That's therealworld.com slash best to get$25 off.”
Breathwork Program Insights
45:02 to 48:29
MJ discusses her breathwork program and its benefits for emotional healing.
“That is T-H-E-N-U-E-C-O.com and use code EVERYTHING20 for 20 % off your first order.”
Coping Mechanisms and Mental Health
48:29 to 52:16
Exploration of coping mechanisms and their impact on mental health and happiness.
“He was an athlete, hurt his back, got put on opiates.”
Navigating Social Media Positively
52:16 to 56:01
Discussion on the importance of a positive social media experience and mindful scrolling.
“Like I've had my own little things and I've been like, okay, it's time to like leave that behind.”
Understanding Children's Emotional Processing
56:01 to 1:00:11
Learn how children process emotions and experiences through play and conversation.
“It almost mirrors back to you your own mental health.”
Navigating Identity Beyond Profession
1:00:12 to 1:01:14
Discussion on how to separate personal identity from professional roles.
“I'm I would do I could do something else.”
Embracing Uncertainty and Change
1:01:15 to 1:02:15
Exploring the importance of being okay with not having a clear vision.
“out of school for osteopathy, I had to go through this process of like, I'm no longer going to have that career.”
Book Promotion and Aesthetic Choices
1:02:16 to 1:02:38
Discussion about the aesthetics and themes of MJ Renshaw's book 'How to Cry'.
“Where can people buy this gorgeous book?”
Transcript
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0:44I'm so happy to meet you in real life. I'm really happy to talk about lots of things, but especially breath work, because it's something that it's been hard for me to make it consistent. But it's really life changing. I mean as you know yes yes I can speak to it I'm a mom people are always like what's your practice and I'm like I don't have one I'm a mom like I wake up to people being like make me this do that for me so oh yeah I would love to share like I breath work has multitudes it's not always laying down and like doing this intense rebirthing and crying and you have to take 45 minutes to do it that is great and I do do that sometimes but there are practices that are so simple like breath holds just holding your breath for a little bit it's amazing for you cool it lowers your anxiety oh it does yeah it's really it's been really great for me and you can do it any I do it on walks I'll see how many steps I can take and I do that what does it do what's what's happening in our body how nerdy do you want to go like a five okay when we have a co2 buildup in our body so that's like your cell gives off co2 when it's done with the oxygen it will turn on your amygdala which is the part of your brain that's our fear center okay so if you are a person who's sensitive to co2 you could be breathing and
2:13MJ Renshaw:i know i'm sensitive to co2 i'll tell you okay you can be like another thing i have to worry no no this is not going to be about this is the thing you're gonna this is the thing killing you but a lot of people breathe in a way that can create fear and anxiety for them got it so if you could do something as simple as breath holds every day it would probably i mean it's really low like low investment yeah yeah it doesn't take much you do it while you're on your walk like it's brushing your teeth in the shower very very very easy simple you don't hold until you're like blue in the face. You just hold until your body starts to be like, I'd actually like some air now.
2:51And then you give it some air and then wait 10 seconds and hold again. But that can train your body to be more comfortable with higher levels of CO2, which will not turn on that fear part of your brain. So there is a test you can do. It's called your Bolt Score. I know. And like, it's a very simple test. You basically exhale out all the air and see how long you can hold. Again, it's not forever. Like you're not trying to go to your full threshold. You shouldn't be gasping after. You just kind of see. And if you're below 20 seconds, it's maybe an indicator that you're not breathing right. And that it's something as simple as breath holds can completely change your life.
3:33I can't wait to do that in the car on the drive-up. Don't do it in the car. Don't hold your breath while you're driving. But I remember when I did it, I was marathon training at the time. And I was like, I am going to pass this. And I was eight seconds. And the cutoff level for you have a respiratory disease was 10 seconds. And mine wasn't because of anything health-related, but because I had had so much trauma, my body had learned to kind of hyperventilate forever. Forever. So when I started doing that, my anxiety went down so much. And I was like, oh, wow, this is insane. I learned from doing yoga.
4:16And I'm not even like a big yoga person. But being consistent with yoga and seeing how following their instructions in class, I was like, oh, I don't think I'm breathing right. And I noticed how I would just take after that be so much more. Just being like aware of my breath and taking deeper breaths throughout the day. yeah for me i'm like i'm just this is me like helping my cortisol not spike like it really like i always say it's the remote control of your nervous system so we always think of nervous system dysregulation as like external stuff and there's nothing we can really do about it but it's not entirely true like we do have our breath and it can put you into a sympathetic state or a parasympathetic state which is like fight or flight or rest and digest and we have we have options you have a little bit of freedom and wiggle room there to kind of help yourself be like all right i'm in a stressful situation i'm gonna try to see if i can like help myself get a little bit more calm a little bit more grounded which helps with i think you know reaction what you're taking from the situation take it's really nice to ground for a second yes any any area of life whether it's like parenting relationships work like if you can
5:28MJ Renshaw:show up a little bit more centered yeah it's better I had a situation happen last week and I didn't realize how much it affected me and then the next day I was wiped out I couldn't do it I felt like I was sick but I wasn't sick and I was like oh shit like I took on a lot yesterday that was like really emotional and I didn't process it because I get very pragmatic because it's like if I sit down and think about my daughter's life with autism, I'll fucking die, right? So I'm just like, what's our next solution? Like, when's our next thing? What's our next thing? Like, keep it happy. Keep it light.
6:07Keep it cool. Keep it da-da-da. So like sometimes when situations happen and I just like crack right open, it is, and I'm really good at processing a lot of stuff, but like really working on trying to process that. It's been very interesting being like an evolved adult with lots of therapy who like really knows how to deal with lots of stuff and being like oh new thing here and moving through it in this like interesting way with more responsibility you know it's like when you're in your 20s it's like you can just be like chaotic and fucking nuts because yes you're not like there's not like children hanging on you yeah no I completely completely understand like I stopped as someone who's been on the path of like I want to feel things.
6:46I want to feel my life. I want to be a little bit more emotionally intelligent than I have been. When I had kids, it kind of shunted, stunted me a little bit because I was nervous to feel around them. Yeah, of course, because you don't want them to. But not even just that, just like I have to be in control. I have to lead you. I'm like making all the decisions. I was very in that part of my brain. And then my husband and I started doing cry appointments for me where I would go in the bath and he would take the kids and I would just watch animal videos, sad things on TikTok or whatever and cry and come out being like, okay, I got it out.
7:25And it was so helpful.
7:28MJ Renshaw:Is this how the... I mean, yes. Is this how your book, How to Cry came to me? My book is called How to Cry. You're like sad TikTok videos. Yeah. It's actually all sad TikTok videos. I mean, like whatever, music, like... No, obviously, movies. I cry every day on TikTok. Yeah, it is. Like it's like you're very good at harnessing emotion. And yeah, I've just maybe this sounds very, very pedestrian to some people, but I have come to learn that feeling my emotions is very good for me instead of being like, OK, I'm going to figure this out. I'm very cerebral. I'm reading all the nonfiction. I know all the things to do.
8:04I got this in my business. And when I just like kind of tune out that noise and drop into my body I'm like a better mom and a better CEO and a better author and I'm like oh there's this whole part of life that has been society hasn't cared for and I have not been taught to kind of come to terms with or respect that I'm learning is incredibly important how did this because this is not what you did for most of your life, right? No. There was a big pivot. Yes. So how, what were you doing before and how did you, you know, make this big career shift? Yeah. So I grew up in very chaotic chaos, like parent with addiction.
8:53I lost my only sibling, my big brother to a car accident and then my dad relapsed and like ended up committing suicide. And the first 20 years of my life were like chaos, horrible. I really shut down feeling like I was pragmatic. I was your mom surviving. She's surviving. Yeah. I would say if I had a trauma, like if something ever happened to my husband, which is like my biggest fear and that I cry about it all the time. I cry about it all the time.
9:21MJ Renshaw:Like with my mom, we all held each other and I was like, I can't, I will be, I'll just be surviving. Yeah. Yeah. My mom was devastated. My mom became a workaholic. sorry mom you know you did but she was in her grief too right and yeah I went to university I was just trying to figure it out like I think I was I knew I wanted to take all that negativity and do something with it I didn't want to fall into whatever it was my dad fell into yeah and I you know started studying philosophy and then I changed and went to osteopathy and ended up you know was on my own healing journey throughout this whole time of dealing with grief And I ended up dropping out four months before I was set to graduate.
10:05And that devastated literally every person around me. But I started this breathwork business where I was like, I really believe in this practice. Like, I really believe in its ability to help people process trauma. Who introduced you to it? I had. So as a white girl, when my dad committed suicide, I went to an ashram. Yeah. Duh. Duh. And I got, you know, yoga certified and breathwork certified. And then I wanted to do it again. I was like, I want to get certified again. I couldn't find a certification that was really science-based. And I was coming from osteopathy. I was like, I want to know, like, I'm curious.
10:43Like, I want to know about this. I couldn't find it.
10:45MJ Renshaw:I love this because you're like, I did the woo-woo. That was really cute. Now I'm an elevated adult who's been studying. Yeah. Like, I want to know that stuff. and it didn't exist. All of them were men at the time. We love Wim Hof. We love Patrick McKeown. I love them. But they're very intense. Like they got an intense energy. So I was like, my best friend was like, you should start one. And now we're here. Wow. Yeah. How long ago was that? Five years ago. Wow. Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. So it's kind of still new. It's a toddler. It's pretty new. But it was honestly, I always say this to everybody.
11:19It was a crazy idea at the start. My husband was like, what are you doing? My mom was like, this is not a career but in our first launch we did 100k which was like insane for me i was like i've never made money like that before yeah but i it was such a testament to like i don't care about money i you know i wanted to help people and whatever but it was such a testament to when you are doing something so aligned it is it works i know yeah it's such a beautiful it's like the puzzle pieces all just like fall together really, really beautifully.
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15:14Hi, I'm Natasha Leggero. And I'm Sabrina Jalise. And this is Good Enough. It's a different kind of parenting podcast where we share tips. We talk to our coolest parent friends. Only the coolest. and we roast trans. What do we do? In general, we... Talk shit. We talk major shit. Yeah. Watch out, Dr. Becky. Yeah, watch out. Wait, but we want her as a guest. Oh. So watch out for our invite, girl. New episodes every Wednesday. And don't forget to subscribe!
16:00The Being Method really is, by the way, I love the name. Thank you. It's such a beautiful name. Has there been anything that you've learned? I mean, I'm sure you've learned many things in this journey of creating the Being Method as like a new entrepreneur. That's a really good. It's been a spiritual process for me. there's a lot of my own mental blocks that I've had to come up against and work I go through that by the way I get triggered by yeah other things and other brands that are going to and I realize it's all me or emails all most of my therapy is me processing like where I'm at in work and like how to show up a happy awesome person that's like attracting what I want for my business 100 % so So yeah, no, it's not just like I learned that I need MailChimp.
16:50It's like. No, it's not. I mean, that's cool. But it is if you can't get your mental state, your mindset good, it all crumbles. Like it is your business becomes a reflection of you. Not to go to woo woo, but it is like night and day between how I'm showing up and how I'm taking care of myself and what's happening, the opportunities that are coming, the sales, Like everything is such a reflection of me and how I feel. And that's my favorite thing about entrepreneurship is it's not just you're trying to craft one thing that you're good at. It's like you have to be trying to get good at everything.
17:31Like you have to have kind of your finger on the pulse of everything. I had to learn to be a better leader. You have to learn about media. You have to learn about so many different things and it's fun.
17:42MJ Renshaw:Like all those different things. Yeah, totally. It is a really fun thing to do. I've always noticed in all the different companies that I've worked for and people that I've worked with, like the company takes like this personality shape of whoever the leader is in a very good and very bad way. Yes, it is so wildly important. It's also like having kids where it's like you have to be responsible for the energy that you show up in the space with. Right. So like I noticed that if I go to meetings or something, I remember like rushing into a meeting. It was last year. I was late. I was like super late and it was one of those days where like nothing was going right and I walked in and I said can I take a minute I need to take a deep breath because I don't want to I want this to be a good meeting I don't want to affect everybody's energy yeah and everyone was like whoa and I was like yeah I'm already late we can start and I was like let me collect myself because I was like you know when somebody runs into a room and then you kind of spill and then you're like yeah and I was like I don't want to be that no I don't either I have people like that I don't want that we all get that So your method, like you said, you're like an outlier for being able to combine science with spirituality.
18:51And you have a lot of really incredible facts about what happens in your body when you store these things and what trauma does and all of that. So can you explain like a little bit about the science behind like the importance of breath work and storing things and not releasing anything? Yeah, I think, you know, there's a field in medicine called psychoneural immunology and that it's basically it's very new. So they're trying to look at how are our thoughts and emotions affecting the body? Because we used to think Descartes said, I think therefore I am in that he philosophically kind of severed the mind from the body.
19:32We've always thought of mental health being very, very different than physical health. And now people are coming to realize like, I feel less anxious if I eat protein, you know, like little simple things. And we're starting to come to the realization that like they are very interconnected. And your body actually sends, your heart sends more information to your brain than your brain to your heart. Oh, I know. The heart is amazing. That's beautiful.
19:57MJ Renshaw:I could do this whole episode on just that organ. It's very cute. It's funny. I just volunteered with a bunch of children waiting for her transplants. Oh, my God. I am. Very. I feel like you need to meet those moms at some point. I would love to. A lot of moms that need a lot of love in there. And I just like felt that. Yeah, I didn't. It's so crazy because usually our work is with children that have cancer. And this time it was mostly kids waiting for transplants. And it just felt really different. Because we talk so much about our heart. Yeah. And we talk, you know, and it's magic and what it does for our body and the whole thing.
20:38MJ Renshaw:And so like to see like a child's picked up to a fucking machine. Yeah. There's a philosopher that I love named Joanna Macy. She just passed away. But she did Krista Tippett's On Being podcast. It's like an ancient podcast with poetry. And she has this episode where she talks about the importance of looking at the world as if it is someone sick. Like all the negative things that you don't like. She's like, you have to look at it so that that's how we heal it. We can't turn away. Like don't turn away from the kid waiting for a heart transplant. Don't be scared to look at them and be with them in that moment.
21:13That's how we, that is how we heal is to see that and be with that. It feels like that's like the least I can fucking do. Sorry, I didn't mean to make this, but it's the heart thing because I just think so much. It's like such a beautiful organ. It is. Our heart has an electromagnetic field that like extends meters outside of our body. So like mine can read yours right now and yours can read mine. Doesn't it? If you stand close to somebody, don't your heartbeats line up? Yeah. Yes. That's God stuff to me. It is God stuff. I mean, so there's the HeartMath Institute. They are doing crazy studies.
21:51So they did one where they had people hooked up to machines that were monitoring their brain and their heart. and they're looking at a screen and they were showing peaceful images and then images that were a little bit scary like a fire or a snake they got all the data and they're trying to just think how does your heart react to these things how does your brain the heart reacted to scary things milliseconds fractions of milliseconds prior to it even coming onto the screen it's fucking so it responded to it faster than the brain that's fucking insane and faster than reality and we don't know how or why our hearts are intuitive yes are you a medium yes well you like i've heard like yes prior to having kids i had an ability to see and feel be like say you had lost a grandmother like I would probably be able to hear her and she would tell me something for you it's not something I called to be it it's just been something I had since a kid since you were a kid I had a daughter I was actually I was telling Kaylee I'm gonna have her tested for autism soon so she has all these gifts but she also has all these struggles as well she's a very unique person she is her own being she's four and when I had her for whatever reason I stopped did she take all your fucking superpowers I don't know I have no idea I I mean not to go too deep into it I started waking up at night and I could hear things and it felt not good to me so I like went I did some sort of like I asked a friend who was very deep into that world and she was like just do a ceremony to close it I've had to do this for my daughter endless times Yes.
23:41I was a closet. And I still do it around her because I think that she, I lost my brother and we went through this wild process where my brother kept visiting, which is welcome. Matthew, you're welcome. But my daughter, like one day. She doesn't understand it. No. She looked at me and she was like, there's a guy on the floor there. He's just laying there and she was describing him. And at first I was petrified because she kept calling him scary guy. And I was like, I was taking videos and sending it to Ian. And I was like, he's my husband. and he's very skeptical. So he was like, yeah, she has an imagination.
24:13But scary guy kept coming up. And then I was on video and I was like, tell me what scary guy looks like. And she was like, it's Uncle Matthew.
24:19MJ Renshaw:He told me it's Uncle Matthew. I don't really talk about him a lot. He died when I was 14. Every fucking normal adult person that I know who is not woo-woo, who does not do any of the shit that anyone would classify as woo-woo, who has lost someone close to them, their child talks about that person. A hundred percent. Everyone. Yes. And it turned into this whole thing. Like she has no, we would go to my mom's house and she would point at pictures and be like, scary guy. And he visited all the time. He visits less now, but like it. We rebrand him to.
24:55I know. I was like, this is my big brother. I was like, this is very on brand for him. I'm going to come in and look. I'm scary guy. I was like, of course you would haunt me. but yeah I don't the your intersection of like science and spirituality hits me hard with my daughter because I approach everything with her from like a very scientific standpoint like even today I was like I wonder if she has some a little bit of like cerebral palsy like and so I'm like okay we need a brain scan like I'm very you know we do we measure everything in her body from the lead to everything her blood is doing her mitochondria you know she's a little mitochondrial but we went through a period where I was like this is not medicine this is her being cracked open to fucking every single thing and she's receiving way too much and she was screaming in the night yeah bloody fucking murder it was not it was it was crazy and she was like biting herself and pulling her hair out and losing her mind and a lot of autistic children do that and I knew you You can say, oh, if they have inflammation in their brain, 100%.
26:03But I had someone who is not like this in my life, and they were very embarrassed to tell me that her grandfather, it's one of someone that Carmella works with, one of her therapists, was like, I don't know how to enter this conversation with you. I feel really weird saying it. She's like, my grandfather is like tapped in and told me that there's like a little boy that's been playing with Carmella every night, and he won't leave her alone, and she doesn't know how to say no, and like gave me like a tincture to put on her. So I put her to bed every night with like, and one of the mobs in the telepathy tapes told me other stuff to put on.
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26:33You know, life changing. It's so good. Yeah.
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30:12we can try to run away from this shit as much as possible no and it's real like you know our story my daughter sounds very similar similar kind of being very sensitive to the world she had night terrors all the same things a lot of like self behaviors like she would hit her head on the wall and we again did everything and I'm not one of those moms that's like biohack the autism like I'm not like that it's just but you know I have met enough moms in the autism community to know that there there have been moms who have said to me we did this and the symptoms did change what was it no you know normally like detoxing that kind of stuff that whole world.
30:54So we did that. Yeah, we did that. We do that. But my husband, who I've like converted
31:00MJ Renshaw:into being more woo woo, like this man, one of our first. Every one of my autism mom friends has a skeptical husband who is now gently dipping their toe and now they're like waist deep. Like I'll never forget one of our dates were on a sound healing. He looked over and he's like, this is so funny. But now he's like, do you want to go to a sound healing? And I'm like, yeah. But he went to the seven-week Joe Dispenza with the goal of healing our daughter. I could you not? Things have changed. Okay. He had this vision. So he's doing like the six-hour long meditation. And my husband's very disciplined.
31:37Like he will stay and do it. Whereas I would be like, I'm going to go to the beach. Yeah, totally. So he did it. He had this vision of our whole family, buck naked, on the bed, like with our hands over her. Like even my son, who's like one and a half, healing her. And then he called me and said, I just healed Sunday. And I was like, okay. Great. Thank you. But my daughter has all these chronic health issues with like mast cell activation syndrome from COVID. And she would get rashes and like extreme anxiety or rage. and it was like all of it's interconnected. Absolutely. She was not able to eat bananas, avocados, bone broth, any of the basic foods and she can eat anything now.
32:21Her temperament is extremely, she's going to a Waldorf school. Wow. She completely changed.
32:28MJ Renshaw:Okay, I'm gonna need to do that. But she's still a very sensitive person. Carmela made a big shift after I saw a woman who I just went to see if Carmela was like sensitive to anything and she was like, your dad's trauma is holding her back and we had to do like this whole thing. And I was like, what the fuck? And like the receptionist came in and was like acting like my dad. And she was like, my head hurts. And she's like, your dad had brain issues. And I was like, yeah, he had horrible CTE from playing football. And she was like, they both have brain injuries. Okay, like we need to heal. I was just like, my husband and I were like, what the fuck just happened?
32:56I thought they were going to say she couldn't eat apples. Like we did not, we were not, we like walked out and my husband was like, I need a drink. And I was like, same, that was so much. But she like, it was like a lot lighter since then. I don't know. I don't know. I believe it. I believe it. When your child is acting a certain way. You do anything. You just do anything. Any person. Because someone's going to tell you. If I had to empty my body of my blood and have her drink it. Yes. Yeah. 100%.
33:22MJ Renshaw:100%. I had a thing happen last night where someone tried to follow me into my hotel room. It was a guy. And I like made this move. Like I felt it. He was like kind of following behind me. I pretended to go on the phone and I'm fine everything was fine but I like got out got down and went and got security I called my husband like shaking crying I spent the whole night crying it was it was horrible fun nice place huh yeah I spent the whole night like I was like really upset I'm so sorry what happened to you my daughter woke up she knew it same time yelling at my husband saying like I'm so scared I feel so scared right now she doesn't even have nightmares anymore she sleeps through the night and he was like Sunday felt it like the instant it happened and I was like god there's so I think there's so much that we are only just beginning to understand yeah like and I'm not I'm not the person who will just blindly believe anything same I love science but I'm also the type of person who loves science who thinks just because we don't have proof for it doesn't mean it's absolutely not real it just means that we don't know yet and how often in what you're studying do you have moments where you're like this is so beautifully designed the way that our all the time i felt that way when i was pregnant it's literally like i'm a god yes it's perfect i actually said that while i was in labor amazing i like had this moment where i was like what is a woman.
34:53I'm sorry. But yeah, I think it is perfect. It's so elegant and beautiful. And even down to, I think there's patterns. I think even when you go down to the microscopic, it's a beautiful pattern. And that happens all the way up. And I think even, I was with my friend at Topanga last night and I had this moment looking at the sun on the clouds and it was the most perfect pink. and I cried and I was like my whole life is the same pattern like it's just it all is perfect you have moments of like everything's falling apart nothing's perfect I'm going through this breakup or my business isn't working right now and then when you're on the other side you're like oh that all had to happen that just had to happen and it was perfect the way it was like yeah so fascinating I totally interrupted you we got on a tangent but I but tell me more about what store trauma does.
35:44Oh, right. Yeah. You said something somewhere where you were like, it's like, you mentioned something that said like, not crying or something
35:55MJ Renshaw:that was like just as bad as smoking like 15 cigarettes a day. Yes, that is real. So say you're someone who is not honest with yourself about what you're feeling. You just don't let yourself do it for a multitude of reasons. Usually social conditioning, the way you were parented, yada, yada, yada. You know, we know now that when you hold back tears, that raises your cortisol bad we don't want that that's stress hormone so they've shown that if you suppress your emotions to the point where you're like self-isolating you're not being vulnerable with other people you are not connecting with other people and you're not feeling your emotions that's like smoking 15 cigarettes a day i had a girl on the podcast yesterday who's very popular online and does a Q &A on the cut and like on her phone like people she's very her name's Teffy and she's the best and she's like been one of those people that like it's like internet's best friend and everybody asks her questions and we sat here yesterday and I said to her what's like and I thought it was going to be a dating thing but I was like what's what's the most like what's like the through line of all the questions you're getting because it's a pretty clear indication of like where many girls between 18 and 35 are, because that's like her target audience.
37:07She said, everyone. She said, the most questions I get, almost everybody says, I don't have any friends. I'm so lonely. I don't know. I'm going to go meet a friend and I don't even know what to say. Yeah, yeah. I was like, so can you explain from the science that you know how horribly dangerous it is to not have relationships?
37:29MJ Renshaw:Yes, loneliness. I mean, it's bad. We have like the male loneliness epidemic happening for that's been for them for a while. And like, what is it? 75 % of all suicides are men. And it's bad. Like, it's not it's not a good thing. And then we know men in particular, when they're isolated, can tend towards like violence, our extremist kind of groups and whatever. It's not good for women. Typically, like it would show up as disease. so for women i mean they've shown through psychoneural immunology if you are someone who's not comfortable feeling sadness or feeling guilt or feeling anger you probably have a like higher likelihood of cancer autoimmune diseases there's always the stigma of like women are more people pleaser like we will people please and women get people pleaser autoimmune conditions a lot more and it you know this whole never hear of men having an autoimmune i've never thought about that it's always my cute little girlfriends yeah who're suffering yeah and and like i think about the types of people i know like older married women who are sick they're usually the women who are like doing everything for everybody else very resentful of their yeses because they don't know how to say no and trapped like they're just like they're not being authentic to like how I feel I don't want to do that oh my god really sad it is really sad but like I don't want to be that person going on a podcast like making people feel fear so the way out of it is the way out of it is like it's a good path so the way out of it is just you know I love breath work but that's not the only way I always say like the way out of it is truly following the path of like your authentic expression of pleasure and fun like healing doesn't have to be this 10-step morning routine where you're waking up and whatever buying all these things it could just be dancing to ABBA in your kitchen yeah that's like my favorite thing to do when the house is like when the vibes are off I'm like kitchen dance party now mandatory and like that it's that easy and that is something that can heal you it can heal your generational trauma it can heal your nervous system in that moment it can heal your relationship with your family because you guys aren't all stuck kind of stressed out and it's those things are magical and those those are the healing things like having fun in life is important yeah I freed myself of the with food like when I had body such bad body stuff and I was like would you eat something and I'd be like oh I shouldn't have had that and I would like ruminate on it and I realized like that's gonna stick on my body more like eating is fun yes and like having fun is fun yes and if I like drink too much like every once in a while I have like a bad girl sick sorry it's like I don't care like I'm like this is how you gotta live 90 % of the time I'm eating properly I work out six days a week like I feel so good I'm so strong I'm proud of what my body's doing yeah but I'm not gonna I don't I and I'm trying to do that with I get like really bad like Sunday scaries sometimes I'll just be like god like that sounded so there's too much of me I don't need a podcast in the fucking and TikTok and I feel that way about everybody right it's just there's I can there's too much of me where I'm like can overthink I've been on the internet too long yeah but I'm like what if I don't think about any of that you know what I mean what if I'm like this is just It's all fun.
41:08And this is so connecting. And the connection that I make with people is what's keeping all of this going for me. I always tell people like, you know what? It actually might be better for you to go out and have pizza with your friends than go to bed early.
41:21MJ Renshaw:Totally. Like that's healthier because you're connecting with people. You're in the present moment. That's what life is. You're not going to look back on life and be like, oh, glad I was in the sauna. I know. you're going to look back on life and be like, I am so glad that I like rolled around on the floor with my kids and then went out with my girlfriends and had margaritas and a sneaky cigarette. And then, you know, had sex with my husband. Like that's life. That's those are the good parts of life. And you can just choose those things more.
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45:17Talk to me a little bit about like your program and what people get when they decide they
45:24MJ Renshaw:need to make a life change. Yeah. So we have an app, Being Method Breathwork. There's free stuff on there so there's like our most popular breathwork recording ever is one called emotional clearing you can hop in there do that recording it helps you just process whatever's stuck inside of you okay we've got free breathwork stuff on there there's a whole library if you want to do courses on like you know maybe you feel as if you've held in a lot you don't know how to cry or you feel like you just have trauma stored we've got a whole course how to heal your body with breath work, you can hop into there and do somatic practices.
45:58It's not intense. I'm not a girl who's going to make you work hard. I want it to feel good. I want you to feel free. There's journaling exercises. And then we also certify people on breath work. Amazing. So we've certified over 400 people internationally and they're out there living their dreams. We have girls that are doing retreats or we have girls who just work one-on-one, like come to my office and we'll do sound healing and we certify a lot of doctors a lot of naturopaths a lot of therapists it might function when I said doctor got really into breath work a few years ago he was like we got it we everyone needs to be doing this I know you get kind of hooked but once you realize that the core of a lot of problems for people is their nervous system and trauma yeah and that breath works such an accessible way like you don't have to fly to Peru and do ayahuasca because it can do that for you same result i mean obviously a little bit different it's not as intense but have you done that no i've never felt called to it but my friends i was with last night in topanga have a lot obviously yeah definitely the people in topanga went to peru i want to do something but you've done i've done acid i've done acid i've done measurement you know what i really wanted to do i didn't do it they invited me to do it in bowen island in canada which is i'm sure one of the most beautiful places ever.
47:15Canada is gorgeous. There is a place there, Steve Rio, he's amazing, but there's a place there doing 5MEO DMT. I think it's the tote thing, but they do a synthetic one, but it's this whole week where you're doing breath work and journaling and they have lots of entrepreneurs. They actually do special weeks where they invite only business owners. I'm sure because everyone's like, your trauma is ruining our fucking business. but they you know you have a hour long it's only an hour long I haven't done it I had I couldn't go because I'm still breastfeeding and whatever but I I when I was talking to him I was like yeah I will do that but I've never felt that way about ayahuasca so I think just people have to just follow your intuition you don't have to do it because other people are doing it but that is when I will do yeah I want to do something at some point there's a lot of people I know who have done I have a friend of mine's husband went and did something recently to like release something from his childhood and he was just like look at his family and he was like I just need like three days I'm gonna go see this woman in New Mexico you know and it's like these men come back like in a very I I it it makes me really happy when I see like an adult male do it because I'm like oh you yeah made a choice to like be happy yeah I got shit for my husband going to a meditation retreat for eight days they're like he's leaving you alone with the kids yada yada and i was like so weird i never thought to be upset with him for that i was always happy for him i just wanted him to go and like heal and be happy well that's just sad for their relationship i know i was like it's
48:50MJ Renshaw:not first of all he cooked for me and then put it in the freezer so angel that's so nice yeah yeah how did the book come to be at what point were you like we're writing a book i'm writing a You know, I've been on the process of healing my relationship with my dad for a really long time. Like, I really looked up to him. He was an athlete, hurt his back, got put on opiates. Oh, my God. He was just... Before Vicodin to get out of bed. Yeah, I just watched him kind of disintegrate. How old were you when that started happening? Five, six. So he kind of was a drug addict my whole life. You have fond memories of him being...
49:33MJ Renshaw:Oh, yeah. he's he was an amazing person like he the drugs changed him when did your did your mom how long did she stay with him not long she was like it was like three years and she was like i'm done yeah and they got divorced and you know when my brother passed away my dad had actually got sober my brother passed away and then that was kind of the end of the end for them like i couldn't imagine losing a child so my dad relapsed and didn't live much longer after that but i was on a walk with someone who knew him and they were like they were just telling me about my dad and when he was 15 he slept with the neighbor who was an older woman and the husband watched and it was like this lore of his and I'm I was like that's that's actually pedophilia like he's he was a child yeah and they were like no it wasn't he was he probably liked it and I was like no that's not normal for a 15 year old boy.
50:31I know. How does this process something like that experience? You know, when I came to understand, like, I've always wondered, like, why? Because I have people who have done opiates and they didn't get addicted. Like, why do people fall into these things? Usually they've got trauma, numbing something. Yeah. Trauma. And I was like, what was my dad's trauma? Well, now I know. And I've been on this path to just try to understand how do we get out of this whatever it is whether it's like addiction or just mental health issues or gambling whatever the thing is that people are using to numb themselves out social media to numb themselves out from feeling like for me I'll scroll on TikTok and then be like wait I need to feel what I am I scroll on TikTok for like an hour before I go yeah yeah I get in bed at eight and I fall asleep put that shit in my fucking hand.
51:22Yeah. I know why. But I'm living through right now. I'm very happy. I love my life. I love my life. Like, I've never been this happy. Yeah. But like the little things that happen during the day with her, they just pile up. And I'm like, I just need to zone out. And I'm aware of it. So I'm okay with it. And I know that at some point
51:39MJ Renshaw:I need to like. Yeah. But it makes me feel good right now. Yeah. I mean, okay. So that's a coping mechanism. I'm not taking Xanax every night, you know. Yeah. You got to do what you got to do. Like, I think there's this really beautiful quote. I don't remember who wrote it, but they were like, when we're going through life, you pick up coping mechanisms, whatever they may be, shopping, scrolling, alcoholic, whatever. And at some point in life, it no longer helps you and it hinders you. That is when you let it go. But you don't have to let it go before that time. Yeah. You know when it is. Yeah.
52:15I know. Like I've had my own little things and I've been like, okay, it's time to like leave that behind. It's no longer helping me. I feel safe enough to be a little bit more free. I don't need that, whatever it was, coping mechanism. But it is normal. And I don't like how we demonize people for the things that they do. Like, is it good? No. But it's probably better than what the alternative would be, which is you feeling horrible, right?
52:43MJ Renshaw:like you yeah you have to have some outlet i was such a pot justifying this as somebody the other day but they were like it's true i have such a positive algorithm me too i love my tiktok it's such a it makes me cry it makes me love people it makes me be like yeah i this is so random i'm so named robbery i got to interview gwyneth paltrow once and tinks who's like this famous tiktoker was before me and she was i was like oh my god it's tinks was before and i was like do you look at tiktok and she was like no she was like do you and i was like all the time and she was like i just she's like it's so confusing to me and i said instead of me being in a group around a bunch of strangers and thinking how like mean everybody could be or that could be somebody that's like making shitty comments it makes me think that everybody around me is like experiencing life in the same parallel way that i am and that they're so funny and creative and that like things that happen in people's homes are so cute.
53:41I call TikTok my TikTok therapy because my algorithm's the same. Everybody's so cute. So cute. Like very rarely do I get a negative comment. Like it's always, it's very positive. It's a very positive environment for me. There's some dark stuff.
53:55MJ Renshaw:If I see dark stuff, by the way, like to train my algorithm. I say, no, thank you. I don't want it. And then when I see positive things, I like, like, save, comment. I'm like, more of that, please. Listen, it's a part of our life. And so we just have to to learn to navigate the internet in a way that's responsible and to keep it to keep it light and nice because I feel like it's the same frequency as being like a shitty person in real life you know I 100 % really happy that you and I are TikTok a lot I love it I'm I'm kind of new I'm kind of new I only welcome like the last couple months and I was like oh this is amazing I'm learning a lot like I follow so many professors yeah there's really cool like the stem part of TikTok is also was so cool.
54:35MJ Renshaw:I'm like, should I like learn about math today? So I got onto magic TikTok. Lots of magicians. I came out of my office the other day to my husband and I was like, I'm becoming a magician. Oh, the amount of niche fucking topics that I've never considered. Oh my God. Of course, magician TikTok. Yeah. Now my phone. Magician TikTok. Yeah. As soon as I get in the car. my husband got a magician for one of my birthdays and it was my best birthday every year he's like what do you want I'm like I want that same yeah it's so cool I know how do they do it I don't know he literally shocked us like does the tiktok like show how magic tricks I don't want to know too much no you can just skip those ones sometimes they want to do the trick but then there's guys that are like I'm sure there are people that are like you can't do this and they're like exactly who you think would be doing magic on tiktok it's really cute it's amazing yeah I I love it I think yeah it has taught me to scroll mindfully because that algorithm is very simplistic it's not I think the Instagram algorithm I'll get things because of what my friends like oh Instagram but I feel like interesting TikTok gives me only what I like yeah so I can if I'm consciously aware of what I'm doing when I'm scrolling and I don't fall into like fear bait, I will have a good algorithm.
56:03It almost mirrors back to you your own mental health. Yes, it does. Because when I start getting kids are sick, kids are this, save the children stuff. I'm like, I'm not in a good place because that's my like shadow. I'm scared of anything. How many of my kids are kids out in the world? And I'm like, oh, I'm not mentally good right now. It's mirroring back to me that I'm in the vibration of fear or I'm, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have the kids do breath work yes but not in like a strict way would you have to like you know blow the candles out yeah we definitely do that and my daughter does it like she'd like does it on her own she'll be like okay i need to take like a breath yeah that's my goal is to have them i can't her mel is not aware enough of that she doesn't know how to blow out yet but like i'll i'll model it for her and i can see her eyes getting big to be like okay whenever i get asked that about kids i always say to parents like it's you do it yourself and if you want to have them do it make it a game yeah oh that makes sense make it fun like there's this book i really liked it called the whole brain child and it just really goes into like children the way children are going to heal from things is very different from us it's through play that's their arena they'll act things out you know my daughter my daughter my friend was in a car accident with her son and he acted out car accidents for like a year but that's him healing of course of course he's like processing that right and that's good she was like is this bad and I was like no no no this is good this is read the book it's good it's really good and when they want to talk about the same thing over and over again and sometimes it'll be months later my daughter will be like you know that thing that that person said isn't it crazy I'm like whoa and I'm like she needs to process this and I'm like yeah, go on.
57:47Say more. Yeah. People don't realize that their kids, that kids are, because this is part of what I went through last week. One of the kids at school like said something about Carmela and I was like, oh, this conversation happened at home. And by the way, who knows the context? It could have been like a really loving context. And in that way, like, thank God. But I was like, it's so funny. I wanted to like say to the parents, like, every kid is a snitch. Yeah. Whatever you're saying around them, they're going to repeat to somebody at some point. They listened. If you think they're not listening, they're absolutely listening.
58:20It's very interesting. I know. It's scary to think about how much responsibility you have. But you know what? Whatever. My dad smoked cigarettes
58:27MJ Renshaw:in the car with me. Talked shit about it. I loved him. He was the best. So I'm like, we're fine. You don't have to be perfect. No. You really don't. I think like my biggest thing is like I don't want them around someone who might say something because they don't, whatever. And Ian's always like, it's just us. Like we just have to model. Yeah. it it's not going to stick if you're modeling my mom's not going to be perfect his mom's not going to be perfect and i don't need them to be because when we can come home i can be like you know when nana was talking about how fat she is like just some weird stuff that people say around your kids and he's like what did you think about that or like we can talk and i can be like you know bodies come in different sizes that stuff doesn't really matter like whatever i can just like Riamma's with the body talk.
59:10MJ Renshaw:My mom said something the other day and I was like, what did she say? Or like, weird food stuff, weird body stuff. Yeah, it was like food stuff, body stuff. And I was like, I looked at her and I was like, no wonder I was fucked up. But we just like laughed about it. And I was like, Jesus Christ, mom. And she was like, what? No, I didn't. And I was like, but it was like, it's just, I was so normal for them. So she's 74. Was she going to change her behavior? It's totally fine. And I'm not going to, we made it funny. I kept it light. But yeah, I love that you're like, when Nana. You know when Nana grabs her stomach?
59:43But, you know, in my 20s, I would have tried to police my mom. You can't do this. You can't talk about that. And now I'm just like, she is who he is. And she is. And, you know, my kids are going to go out in the world and experience people with all different things they're going to say and different beliefs. And I just want them to know, like, that exists. Like, that stuff exists. There's haters out there. And we're not that at home.
1:00:05MJ Renshaw:Yeah. Yeah. So which creates just that's little loving people that get to go out into the world. Yeah. Like little loving people. What is your vision for the future of the being method? I don't know. I love that answer. I really don't know. I don't. I'm like, this is my first year. I don't have goals. I don't have a vision. I just. Yeah. I don't know. Magic. I think I'm nice and amazing to just be where you are and to let that happen we have a very goal oriented yeah especially with like entrepreneurship and everybody trying to like one up each other with this thing in the retreat or this thing and I think it's it's too much yeah and what you're doing is working I really love it I'm happy like if it if it didn't go at all that's okay I don't I mean, I love I also love the entrepreneurial journey.
1:01:03I love doing lots of other things. So while this business, I do adore it. I'm I would do I could do something else. Like I feel really it's not my identity and I don't want it to be because I when I dropped out of school for osteopathy, I had to go through this process of like, I'm no longer going to have that career. I had built up a lot of identity around it. A lot of my pride was wrapped up in that being that professional. And I had told everyone, you know, I'm the dumb blonde girl from high school. I'm finally doing something. Aren't all of you proud of me? And when I had to grieve that a lot and I learned not to let those things be a part of my whole identity.
1:01:45I'm more than a mom. I'm more than an entrepreneur. I love horses. I would do magic. So I think I'm really in a place that I don't know. Amazing.
1:01:54MJ Renshaw:Yeah. Well, thank you so much for encouraging all of us to be in a place that I don't know. Yeah, it's okay. I mean, everyone I talk to is kind of there. Yeah. Especially in, like, I feel like there's a lot of change right now. Yeah, I think the next year, the next few months are going to be very interesting. And I think a lot of good change is going to happen. Yes, me too. Where can people buy this gorgeous book? Amazon, How to Cry, MJ Renshaw. I love the way it's laid out. It looks like your tattoos also. Oh, thank you. I've got an aesthetic that I like. Yeah. It looks like used book. It's really beautiful.
1:02:33That's great. Our branding is good then. Yeah, it's really, really good. Yeah, the letters are really pretty.
1:02:38MJ Renshaw:I just did the rebranding for Baron Chaney and I've been looking at letters for fucking three months. Yeah, it takes a long bit. The publisher hired someone and I was like, actually, let me do your job. Yeah. Scrap everything we are doing. This is what we're doing. Yeah, it needs to be just the essence of you. Yeah. So thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Thank you.
1:03:00and that ladies and gentlemen concludes this week's episode of everything is the best i hope you enjoyed it please rate review subscribe all that stuff maybe leave a comment go ahead and follow me on instagram at pia baroncini and i hope you have a fabulous fabulous rest of your day love you ciao
1:03:27Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
From the publisher
Hi my loves — today’s conversation is with the incredible MJ Renshaw, founder of The Being Method and author of How to Cry. We talk about breathwork (and why holding your breath might actually calm your anxiety), the science of stored emotions, and how unprocessed feelings can manifest in the body. MJ opens up about her own healing journey through grief, motherhood, and the intersection of spirituality and science — from intuitive children to energy, trauma, and nervous system regulation. This one is deeply human, emotional, and surprisingly grounding. Take a deep breath and join us.
Produced by Dear Media
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