im baaaaaaaack!

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0:44I have just started this podcast and felt dumb and restarted like 10 goddamn times. hi it's me pia i haven't recorded a solo in a long time i really want to do one with davide but we're so we've been so busy and tired i fell asleep at 9 30 last night like put myself in bed i don't know when he got home he is doing a photo shoot for a new collection that he's launching and you know he grew up on the water he's obsessed with sailing he's obsessed with boats he's obsessed with anything nautical like his heroes growing up were the fishermen in his village they still are that's you know who he that's like the archetype of like a real man to him and like soccer players obviously and race carers fucking alpha male stuff so he bought this like mini boats that was like on craig's life i get the info emails for gaya you know because i do.

1:50Obviously I'm a part of the company. And so, you know, I reply to emails and I flag emails and we answer things together and whatever. But I could see that there was correspondence happening. I didn't even tell him this, that I could see that there was correspondence happening with somebody on Craigslist. And I could see like what the title was in the subject line. And he came home yesterday or the day before. I can't remember. It was like, I did something. And I pretended like I didn't know. Like it was a total surprise to me because he was very excited. And he forgets that, he doesn't forget, he knows that I'm logged into his Instagram and emails and everything.

2:29Because he'll ask me, he'll be like, did you see that message? Like, can you respond to that? You know, it's a very collaborative situation, but it was really fucking cute. So he got this boat where he was like, oh, I want to, you know, this is, it's like for a campaign. So he like got this guy that always asks him if he get film set for the brand. And so they drove over and they met the cute old man who had the, but you know, he made it a whole thing. But he came home yesterday when I was giving the kids a bath. He'd hear his car pull up the driveway. We like ran outside excited to see him. He and Carlo while Carmelo was in the bath.

2:59And then he was like, I'm leaving to go get the boat. You know, it was in Miranda Del Rey. So it's far away. He didn't get home till like midnight. I got a text from him at 1030, but I had been asleep for an hour already. So that's like a little example of what our week has been like. Also something really fucking annoying happened this week and I'm not going to give details on it at all. There's obviously so much stuff that happens in my life all the time that I don't talk about. And I do talk about Carmela often. It's funny. I don't know. I don't, I mean, I really feel so free because I don't give like a shit, but anybody says it all.

3:38And I feel very like the messages that I get from so many autism parents saying thank you for sharing and therapists saying thank you for sharing. And so, you know, the little glimpses and little frustrations that I have, I'm so happy to share because I find so much community online and I don't want to put on some facade, like everything is perfect all the time, but I also don't want to constantly talk about negative things. And I also want to be respectful of, you know, other people involved. And there was a situation where it was made clear to me via like another child that Carmella's autism was like an issue for a parent.

4:25And I had to address it and I did very elegantly and mostly from an educational standpoint. but you know, this is where I'm really proud of like the therapy that I've done because, you know, 95 % of the time when these scenarios come into my life, I am so calm and I'm not reactionary and I wasn't in this one either, but it really upset me. And I had to talk to people, higher ups and have really good positive conversations. And my feedback always is not my feedback, but my solution is always to create systems. So this doesn't happen for the next kid. And so what are we learning from this? What could I have done better?

5:16What could somebody else have done better? How do we, you know, always just make sure that this doesn't happen again. So I felt really positive about that. And this happened a couple of days ago or the day before yesterday, really. And then yesterday, whatever, I had really bad allergies, which I haven't had in a long time. But yesterday I could not do anything. I was so, I felt like I was in a daze. I was exhausted. I was like driving Carmela to her swim lesson. Like, like, I feel like I'm too tired to even be driving right now. Like it felt like I just, I couldn't, I was like looking at my computer and my, I was like, I got to lay down.

5:55I got to take a nap. But every time I would try to take a nap, then I would get up, you know, it's a fuck I have. All my meetings were like spread out in an annoying way where I couldn't like bang them out and I couldn't get like a full rest in and resting during the week obviously is like, so it's just like an insane concept to me, like majorly insane. But it was such a hard day and I've never felt like that. And my mom brought up the situation in the afternoon and was crying. And it hit me that this is hard. and it had a real effect on my body because the thing happened and I had a whole afternoon of work that I was supposed to do, including recording this.

6:47And then I had to get on the phone with two separate 45 minute calls with two separate people. And then I had to curate a very long, informative, non-reactionary, educational, emotionally driven email that couldn't sound emotionally driven. And that took me about an hour to do it in a way that sounded good. And then I called two of my best friends and we had a three-way call about it. And if they felt the email was appropriate, and then I sent the email and then I'm waiting for the reaction to the email. And then I had to call Davide and tell him he was like the last one to know because he was in meetings.

7:34And then he, you know, it was just, and I'm so good about these things like flowing over me, but it had, it was something that had come up multiple times. And so I was like, well, this has now become like a consistent situation, which is calling for me to, you know, fix it. Well, how I described it is that like, this is the, something's happening repeatedly and there's tension around it. And so let's just alleviate the tension so everyone can just feel very light. And it fucking worked me. It fucking worked me. It wiped me out. It made me feel fucking crazy. I had to go to bed at nine 30 yesterday.

8:14And that was hard for me. And today I feel really good. And so I'm grateful, but fuck, man, like the process of that was, was really interesting.

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10:30Who doesn't love cotton? Who doesn't? I mean, denim and a white t-shirt. I mean, to me, it's just like the American uniform. Cotton is gentle on your skin. It breathes. So it keeps you cool. It's hypoallergenic. And what is better than putting on that perfect t-shirt that you've had forever or getting into a perfect, cool, yummy cotton bed on a spring or summer night? I always choose to wear cotton when it gets warmer out. And I don't know if you know how many different cotton fabrics there are. Again, we have denim, corduroy, and flannel. It's such a versatile fabric. You can wear it with any style, season, or occasion.

11:11Cotton is also so durable. It's easy to wash and care for. It keeps its shape. And listen, I love cotton for a multitude of reasons. One of them also being financial. But on top of that, the nostalgia that comes with wearing an item that you've had for so many years of your life, like my favorite jeans, the jeans I'm wearing right now. I've had these since before I had my daughter and I've worn them through two pregnancies. And my favorite, favorite, favorite white t-shirt I've had through my 20s. So I always think about when I put it on, like how many places I've worn it. Davide wears one of my dad's t-shirts, this cotton shirt that he loves so much that he wears every single time we fly for good luck.

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13:09so that's a little live update of what I've been going through this week let me see what your questions are that you have asked do you and Davide ever deal with burnout oh my god that's so funny yeah I mean that's what it was that was definitely it was like a burnout we're in a real I mean, we have been for a while, but we are in like a real building stage right now. And sometimes it feels like a really beautiful flow state, but sometimes it feels really intense when two people are going through it. And so this is where therapy really helps. Like I don't get, even with this scenario, like I don't, that scenario that happened this week is something that if I wasn't in such like a good grounded place in my life, the conversations I would have having would have been reactionary.

14:05I would have been screaming. I would have been mad. I would have, you know, I would have where instead I was calm, pragmatic, and then how emotional it was hit me later. But no, you know, I think, I think we're really, I think what's hard is it feels like, and I see where Davide will get really tired. It's like, there's no time for like, he needs like a nap, you know, because he works on Saturday. I say this all the time. He works go to the farmer's market. Let's go put Carmela on a horse. Let's like go out, you know, go out to dinner. We ended up having like a really good Sunday. Last Sunday, we drove an hour to Underwood family farms to have the kids go to like a pumpkin patch where there was animals and like activities and tons of stuff.

15:02And then we were close to Malibu. So we went to Lucky's and that little park. It sounds like such a douchebag, you fucking thing to say out loud, but Carmela's favorite park is the park in Malibu, but it's because it's the stairs up to the slide are super short. The slide's really short. And we've noticed when the ground is dark on a play structure for her, she doesn't have any depth perception and she doesn't have any vestibular input. So she always kind of feels like she's falling. So if the ground looks dark to her and she can't see, like it looks like she's scared. Like the park by her house, she's terrified.

15:35When she climbs up to the top, she has to hold onto the rail or she grabs my hand, like she's shaking or she'll grab on to a kid that walks by and the kids will get all freaked out. Like, why is she grabbing me like that? I'm like, Oh no, she just feels like she's falling. Like she's just looking for some sort of stability. And so, you know, when we can, we like to go to that park, but I'll tell you, what's really crazy is like, you know, you can tell when a kid is upset about something or like having a tantrum or they're overstimulated or whatever, but there's these cries that Carmela has, and this is where like some of, so many of you have asked me like, well, how do you know that she's when she's like tapped into something?

16:11There are cries that Carmela has that have nothing to do with her being tired or overstimulated or frustrated. There are cries that she has that are desperate and they are tapped into a deep level of sadness on a scale that is unimaginable to me. It's a level of empathy that I couldn't imagine carrying around. And we noticed it for the first time. Well, we've noticed it. She would have these episodes, but we noticed it from a physical place for the first time when we took her to the aquarium and she lost her fucking mind, like deep, horrible, like why, why, why? Like seeing the animals in things was more than she could take.

17:02She was fine with the little fishies and then she would count them and like say yellow fish or whatever like that. But so I don't know if the animals at this pumpkin patch are like unhappy or something, but she couldn't take it and was really, really, really, really fucking upset, which was really sad. Anyway. So the tangent I was going on was that like our Sundays ended up being a lot of that. And, and Davide was like, I just want to take a fucking nap. So our solution has been to have like quote unquote dinner at like three or four and then get everybody ready for bed, like right when we get home and, and like we go to bed as soon as possible.

17:46And then I'll see times where, you know, Davide is just really tired and, and he just loves, it's like part of his culture, like taking a nap. I noticed it when we first started dating, we would go to Italy and we would have like a Sunday or Saturday at the beach and we're like a big swimming day. And it's very common to swim, have a big lunch, lay in the sun after lunch and everybody take a nap. And it was really uncomfortable for me at first because sleeping feels so personal. So it's just like sleep in front of people felt like intimate and weird. And I mean, we've done it with like very bougie families that we're friends with in Italy where like we have like a big long lunch and then like a very elegant woman will just like cozy up on a lounge chair next to me and like take a nap.

18:37It's amazing. It's such a beautiful thing. And so I know I'll see, I'll track with him when I'm like, this man just needs to like lay on a chair and take a nap or I'll find him like a sleep somewhere. So I try to allow space for him to do that. So I think like in terms of burnout, I think a lot of the time we have a very good relationship with seeing what the other person needs. And so, you know, if he needs a moment and I need to take the kids when that doesn't, the kids doesn't bother me. And I noticed something the other morning, like the mornings will sometimes wipe him out. Like he wants to really start his day.

19:20He has a little routine and Carlo will be up here with him for the routine. But if he sleeps in a little late, cause he had a late night, you know, If he gets up at 7.15 and he comes with me to drop off by 9, but we leave here at 8.45. So it's like, and they need breakfast and they need, and he needs breakfast. And the mornings obviously go really fast. For me, the chaos of a morning is awesome. I love, I think like when people are like, oh, for me, how do you quote unquote do it? I can't emphasize enough that my personality is very chaos-driven. If I'm at a restaurant and I look around the room, I said this to a friend of ours who's opening a restaurant a couple of months.

20:10I was like, I want to work there a couple of nights a week. That's where I get my fucking rocks off. I love to scan a restaurant. That person, someone's entree came before the other one, that table needs to get, you know, we got a fire table 23 and these people have been waiting for too long. And those people definitely need like another cocktail. And like, it doesn't seem like that person's happy with their thing. And these people are waiting. Let me scan the room and see how long into like, that is a really happy place for me. This is just a personality thing. So the chaos of a morning to me and keeping the house clean, like I don't walk by anything without picking it up.

20:43I put things away. I'm constantly moving. And I find a lot of peace in that. And Dovin and I talked about it openly the other morning because we were getting dressed to drop Carmela off. And he was like, God, like the morning. And I was like, you know, the mornings, like the chaos of this morning is like where I feel so purposeful and I find such a flow in it and like so much satisfaction and being able to like make pancakes from scratch, make her lunch, get them dressed, you know, make the dogs, three dogs, fucking breakfast. They all have different medications, two different kinds of food, the water, you know, do all of that and clean up after myself.

21:29So after drop off, I come home and the house is like super clean. Like, oh, that's just like where I just feel so good. So burnout is obviously a very real thing and it definitely hits me, but I am really good about saying like, I'm going to put the kids to bed and like, I need to go out to dinner or I'm going to have fun with my friends. Somebody asked me a couple of weeks ago, which was really sweet and thoughtful, but somebody asked me a couple of the week, which I never go to, but obviously I will if it's a friend or a company that I want to support. She said, how do you, you know, with so much going on and Carmela's stuff, like, is there something that you do to like alleviate that?

22:16And I said, I drink a lot. And my friend who asked me this was sober and she was like, yeah, good. Like, no problem. Like, yeah, you know, I don't, I'm not like sloppy. You can't, it's like very, you know, I'm boisterous and I'm loud and it's very rare that you can tell when I'm like super, I hold myself really well when I, but I, and I, I'm a fucking tank. I can drink a lot. And like tonight I'm going to my girlfriend's house at five 30. Carmela's babysitter is coming to help my mom with both the kids bedtime and bath time and dinner. So it's not just all on my mom. It's job a day. We'll work late.

22:54And I'm going to my girlfriend's house with my two other best friends and we're having cocktails and Davide and I are going to go out afterwards. And like, I will drink a lot tonight and I'll fucking have a bad girl cigarette and I don't care because it's just like what I need and it makes me feel good. And I check in with Davide a lot. I don't drink during the week unless I'm going out to dinner, but I won't get drunk. I I wake up at 5.30 to work out at 6, you know, between two and four days a week. So I'm in bed early. But for me, I need that kind of like sense of relief every once in a while.

23:34And that's how I, you know, get rid of burnout. And I'm really good at, you know, and this obviously comes with a lot of fucking privilege, but like we're really good at like taking a night away or going out on dates and all that kind of stuff.

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