lil solo with pp

0:00The following podcast is a Dear Media Production.

0:14hello my ladies oh my god i said ladies but i wonder if there's any men that listen to this hello boyfriends or husbands that are in the car being forced to listen to this podcast how are you someone today i ran into said you do so much how do you do it all and i said i'm behind on everything not everything i'm sorry one you know one thing is always kind of behind and oftentimes it's the podcast and so i want to issue a formal apology to my producer olivia because this podcast is getting turned in late and it's because of my, I was going to record a podcast with someone and then they had to change their schedule.

0:58And then today was crazy, whatever, long fucking story short, this podcast is late. And so if it comes out late, that's why, because I was going to record it last week, but then someone was like, oh, we'll record one this weekend. And for some reason I have in my head that these podcasts need to be like completely up to date. So I don't record solos or episodes of Davide in advance because I like, you know, you guys all see what I'm doing on Instagram. And so I like the updates that I give on here to be time sensitive. Pressure I would just put on myself completely.

1:35So for all of you saying, how does she do it all? I'm fucking behind. And this episode is an example of that. Okay. So last week, all of you submitted questions in my channels, and I think I'm just going to kind of like plow through those. Although I will give a little update that we went to Pebble Beach for the car show with Cadillac and they gave us their new electric Escalade to drive up there. This car is a fucking like private plane boat on wheels. I've never seen anything like it. There's captain seats in the back, which is like my favorite thing ever. And something that I do very much need in a car because I have both my kids and my mother usually in the car and they're all squished in the middle seat.

2:30And so I have a captain seats. Carmela can be cute, cozy, climb over, like have the whole row in the back to herself. And then my mom and Carlo are comfortable in the middle. this is just me you know turning into a soccer mom but that's something that needs to happen and david and i it was truly so unbelievably nice to just quietly connect with my husband and i hate bringing that up because i know not a lot of people have the you know ability to do so but if you do i mean it's really wild once you're just in a alone in a car with the person that you love. And it's, you know, you're not talking solely about what's happening in the next two hours because it was good.

3:15You know, we like were in the car on a road trip and it was like a five hour drive up there. And it's such a beautiful drive. And Davide loves cars so much. I mean, and he grew up being obsessed with cars. Like his uncle was a mechanic and he had a Fiat and that It was like such a big deal to Davide. And he taught him so much about cars at such a young age. Obviously, he always watched Formula One. And he knows, I mean, he knows so much. If like I point to a car, he'll be like, oh, that car was this, you know, the Porsche was had this engine until this year. But then that year they used engines from this manufacturer.

3:56So that's why, I mean, it's just, I wish I cared about fucking anything as much as I care of these dudes care about fucking cars and watches and so it was very beautiful to watch him have this experience with the level of gratitude that he does you know i think i could also like talk candidly about like the experience of a of like i don't like to call them i wouldn't i don't think I would, I wouldn't call this an influencer trip because we were with people who, this is an interesting topic, right? Because the word influencer can be used with such a negative connotation. And I don't want, it's such a, it's such a real thing, but people use it in such a negative way.

4:53But this was a trip. This was a brand. I'll call it a brand trip. The people that we were with are people from industry, people who are photographers and writers and published books. And being around this group of people who I really love, like Yolanda from Yolo Journal and her husband, Matt, and their friend Dewey, who's a photographer and the Hudsons who do Hudson Wine and Zachary Weiss and, and like Paige and Riley, who we love, who are like good friends of ours who also have a one-year-old. And then we, my really good friends, Steve and Erica Malbon who have Malbon Golf, like now they live up there.

5:36And like, I just spent the weekend And giggling, like having such good conversations that were so interesting. And then giggling like teenagers. I smoked weed, which I have not done in so long because it usually gives me like a raging panic attack. But this person was like, this is like the lightest, yummiest, like it'll make you feel like you're 14 again. and she was like one puff of weed and was so giggly and felt so grateful to be in such a beautiful place, like surrounded by these people and watching my husband look at all these cars and like wake up in this hotel room. And from our hotel room, you could see like they line up all the cars on the green, you know, so we're like looking over Pebble Beach.

6:33My dad golfed there once. He talked about it. Like it was like such a big deal that he like got to golf at Pebble because it is such a big deal. And, and I like, I have a video I really want to post it of David. He's like looking out the window and he's like eating his little yogurt and he's watching all the cars and I could see him getting choked up and watching him revert to a five-year-old watching all the cars. And, you know, he's, he looks at me all the time and he's just like, I can't believe my life. You know, I mean, he really, we need to have a pop. We need to do a podcast about all the different jobs he had because he sold phone contracts door to door and then he installed air conditioning.

7:26What else did he do? He sold light fixtures. His dad is an elevator mechanic. And so, you know, his dad wanted him to follow those footsteps and like repair elevators. And so, you know, I think not that those are by any means not wonderful jobs because his dad worked so hard, you know and built a house for himself and raised his children but money was hard for them at times and so I mean really hard and so I think it all it hits him in those moments like fuck I left and like look what I did it's like watching him like live the American dream like right in front of me it's really sweet he works really hard and he deserves it because then you know we were gone for three days and then he worked the whole time while we were there and he had 40 orders over the weekend which is fucking awesome so we woke up really early this morning the store supposed to be closed on mondays but obviously he always works and he was in there working he's been there for 12 hours because now it's 8 30 and he just got home and so sometimes people also ask me like why do you like you know you have a full day of work and then you make dinner and whatever and it's like I don't make dinner all the time, of course.

8:43And I didn't feel like making it tonight because I also had to do this podcast, but I knew my podcast was going to be extra late because it was important for me for him to come home to dinner. And I didn't, and just, that's like what I could do for him. That's a love language for me and for him, you know, and I want him to feel appreciated in that way. Would he care if I ordered out? Absolutely not. He's never said a single thing like that. Does he notice? Does he feel good coming home to a home cooked meal? Yeah. At the end of a 12 hour day, it makes him feel good. So I'm happy to do it.

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14:10Okay. I'm going to power through the questions you submitted in my channel. The first one, I haven't read any of these. Fitness, traveling with kids. How do you keep your dad's legacy alive with your children when they never got to me? No. Okay. Can I tell you something crazy, which is why it's making me cry? I need to not fucking cry on the fucking podcast. There's a portrait of my dad. My parents' wedding portraits are in the hallway outside of Carmela's door. And when she was little, we used to always stop because we would hold her. Now, obviously, she runs out of her room, but we would hold her and we'd say, look, it's Grandpa Chuck.

14:45Grandpa Chuck. And she would put her finger on his face. So today, I walk in the TV room and she's holding a framed photo of him that sits on the bar. And I was like, Carmela, are you looking at Grandpa Chuck? And she was looking at him like she knows him. so specifically. And I said, that's Grandpa Chuck. And she looked at me and she said, Grandpa Chuck. And like pointed to him. I said, yeah, baby, that's Grandpa Chuck. Like, that was cute. And I tell my mom, my mom goes, oh my God, Pia, when you were out of town, we have this babysitter that we love that comes here. She said that Carmela was walking around with that framed photo.

15:40like pointing to him. Like, fuck, because I know he's in, I know he plays with her. I know he does. So, you know, how do we keep his legacy alive? We talk about him and there's obviously photos of him around here and we live in this house and we keep the tradition alive, all of them that he, we're like so important to him you know do I think we'll stay in this house forever I don't I don't think I don't think so but I don't but I don't not want to I just don't want I don't want to be like I don't I don't want my I don't want it to be like if we don't have this house then like like we can make a home wherever we are you know and so sometimes it does feel like there's a lot of pressure to like have this house, which is interesting, right?

16:43But like not everybody, it's very rare to have your childhood home. They've almost sold it many times. You know, clearly it works for us right now and it's amazing and what a gift, but you know, my siblings are all wanting to move out of California for financial reasons and quality of life reasons. and I don't blame them. Anyway, my cousin, who's like a sister to me, moved two weeks ago and her sister is moving. There's also like a sister to me and she's moving to Tennessee because her two girls live there because one of her daughters married someone from Tennessee and it's great quality of life there, of course.

17:29My cousin moved to Colorado for the quality of life. her children didn't even, her children are like, can we live where there's mountains and clean air? My brother has looked at property in Georgia. My other brother lives on the East Coast. My one brother is never going to move. He'll always be in California, which is awesome. And then, you know, my sister talks about that being something that's like far in the future. And so, I mean, you know, in the next like 10 years kind of thing. And so, you know, there won't be any of my family here. And so it'll be time for us to start our traditions like in a new place.

18:10And that feels really scary, like not having your family around. And that'll be a very hard for me, but there will always be a through line of what my dad taught me, which is cooking and cooking with your significant other. And I think like I see my parents were extremely affectionate. So I think about like what their love language was and how it's exactly the same love language as Davide and I. And so I find that to be a part of his legacy. We talk about him a lot. We tell stories in a really prideful way, funny stories. And so it's beautiful. It's a nice, sad thing. I always, you know, I always had my parents were always telling me about people that I'd never met grandparents of theirs or parents of theirs that I didn't get to have that much time with.

19:05And we spoke about them fondly and it creates like a really beautiful conversation and kind of always have this warm, fuzzy feeling knowing that there's this person being spoken so highly of that hopefully is looking over you. And that feels really nice. And I hope my kids feel that. Okay. Friendships changing as an adult. Oof. I've been, God, this has been such a crazy major topic of conversation lately. I had a long conversation with one of my best friends who I've known since eighth grade. We talked about this extensively the other night. And she was like, you know, it's so interesting that you get older, your friendship becomes kind of about like three things.

19:47I think the first one she said was kind of like, you know, your, your values, you know, if you're just aligned and click with someone, I think it was about, but then the other two that she said that really, I was like, fuck, it's true is proximity and ease. And the ease thing is hard, right? Because sometimes like you'll be best friends with someone or close to someone forever. And then all of a sudden you like realize that they have shifted and they maybe have become really type A about lots of things that you aren't, or they are, you know, being super gossipy and you just don't want to spend your time like that.

20:35Or marriage is such a fucking thing at our age, right? Like, fuck. People marry. It's not very common. And I always talk about this with my girlfriends, how lucky we are to just all have such wonderful husbands and all love each other's husbands so much. But there's clearly every once in a while where you're like, fuck, like that guy's kind of rough. And maybe he changes the dynamic of his wife or his partner, you know, that I've seen that's happened. That happens all the time. Proximity is really real. I mean, there are people that I love so deeply that like live on the East coast that if we lived in the same place, I would spend endless hours a week with them.

21:23You know, proximity is like a very real thing. You get close to who you get close to because, you know, being able to just hop over to somebody's house or have your kids hang out together easily is really real. And when your kids really love each other, that brings parents closer. So blah, blah, blah, blah. But I just want to say, you know, I'm almost 40 and I have watched a lot of people that I love that have been friends for so long have major falling outs. And it is unfortunately just a part of life. I went through it a couple of years ago. And like, sometimes also Davide and I will like connect with another couple and like think they're really great.

22:09And like, this happens so funny at my age with like, you get like love bombs from like another couple and you're like, oh my God. And then all of a sudden you're like, ooh, like at some point you're like, it starts to feel because you didn't get to know them very well, then like things will pop up and you're like, ooh, wait, maybe I shouldn't be spending, you know, like maybe I got to reel it in a little bit or like this person actually said that thing. And like, I didn't know that they thought that way, like that happens too. And so maybe it'll be, you know, I got to take a beat or create a boundary.

22:43But I said something to Davide recently in terms of like, I'll give like a personal story of like a falling out that I had in particular with somebody who I've known for a very long time. And it had to do with this, with like a relative of this person. and only one of the relatives of this person, if they see me, will be cold to me. Does that bother me? Absolutely not. That is a loyal soldier. And if I'm the enemy, like I get it. Like that's a loyal person. And he was like, well, that person should be cheating you that way because they clearly don't know the full side of the story. And I said, people it's very rare that people make a decision

23:40out of with one goal which is to like i'm gonna hurt that person right it may be a byproduct of a choice that someone's making but i don't think a lot of people unless they're sociopaths walk around being like i'm gonna fuck this person over People each have individual experiences and individual thoughts and a unique database in their brain based on past experiences that make them all fucking unique. And when the situation arises, people all deal with things completely differently. Again, there are both sides of the story and then the truth. There are always three versions to everything. So I feel light because I don't think that the person, the particular person that I had this falling out with, in their mind, for one second thought, I'm going to hurt Pia.

24:51Never. and if that was that kind of person, that shows bad judgment on me because I was friends with this person most of my life. But I think if you were to hear everyone's side of the story, it makes complete sense hearing their side of their story, right? So what I said to him is going around this planet and trying to convince people to be on your side or to believe the same things that you believe or to be completely aligned with you when we're all such vastly different people is a very naive way to experience life. So I know, and just because I believe in the good of people, that this person made the best decision that they thought in that moment.

25:46and that decision had from our perspective a very negative effect on us and we can scream at each other till the cows come home but it's almost like we're speaking a different language because they're doing what's right for them and we were doing what's right for us you know and so sometimes you just got to call it and be like, it is what it is. And continue to just send those people love because that's what's good for the world. And if friendships are meant to be back together, they totally will come back together. Absolutely. But if they're not, then, you know, it's like, it's so fucking unfortunate, but I just see it happen all the time these days.

26:36I'm telling you this trick, not trick, but this way of viewing things, it frees me. I even had a conversation with someone today where like, you know, this one person had another, had a falling out, you know, one person had falling out with like a couple of people that I'm friends with. And so this one person's the outlier. And then this other person went and like spent some time with them this summer. And someone else was like, well, they're spending time together. And I was like, let them spend time together. Because if this person is spending time, by the way, talk about proximity, they were in the same place this summer.

27:16And so they spent time together. And then we all see this shit on Instagram. And so it's like, oh, it looks like they're all... And I was like, we don't know what the fuck is happening behind anybody's photos ever. Number one, number two, if you're in the same place as somebody and you spend time with them and you're reminded of all the things you love about that person, the thing that maybe bothered you about them or the thing that happened kind of just like goes into the past. And then if that person is being apologetic or trying to get back on track or whatever, and you start hearing their side of the story, then you're like, then you hear a whole different perspective.

27:58And obviously, unless you're like dead inside or this person like murdered someone or did something actually horrible, then there's obviously like someone's going to reconnect. And so you can't like also judge people for just like moving past something because I think it's also really healthy if you've had a falling out or it's someone like to just take the L and be like, you know, I don't want to feel this way. And I'm just going to believe that things are, you know, that you're going to be better. I don't know. It's tough. Right. But I think, I think therapy helps. And I think what's really helped my, what's really helped me lately.

28:34And it's like very real. And like this large group of friends I've met, I've talked about it extensively. It is very normal and very healthy to vent and talk about your friends. It's never, it's a, it's a fucking part of being a human being for sure. But you know, sometimes when someone gets like obsessed about it and it's like all they talk about and they're constantly like searching for information and they like can't move past it and it becomes toxic and you're like, we have other fucking things to talk about. Like that's also like a real thing that happens when you're at all with friendships because you can tell the people that like really don't have like much else going on because they're like obsessed over certain things.

29:25And it's just like, that also happens in like adult friendships when you're like, I don't know why this thing is so, I do know why this thing is so big to you. You don't have that many other things going on where for me or life experience where you're used to like these like traumatic fucking things happening, you know? So it's unfortunately a part of life. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I'm sorry it happened to me. I'm sorry it happens to anybody. Losing friendships sucks. But I remember my parents went through like a falling out with one of their best friends when I was in high school.

30:02And like watching them go through that also was like a real humanizing experience. Just part of the human experience. And I'm sorry for it. Okay.

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