SOLO! Toto, Politics and How I Manifested Davide

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28:17This is a good question. Balancing using your platform to speak out on issues versus not adding to the political noise or chaos that only pushes people further apart. So I have very strong feelings on this. The first being that I watch people with very different political views screaming at each other all the time, or I'll see someone, you know, I obviously am not obviously, but I am a Democrat. But I'll see my fellow Democrats, especially lately, acting in a way that I would never act, I don't identify with, but also is really pushing people further into their own agendas. I went to a concert a couple of years ago and God, what did she say?

29:12It was Like some girl was like trying to be like really supportive of Planned Parenthood. And oh, I remember what she said. It was so fucking dumb. She got on stage and was like, I love abortion. And I was like, technically, so do I. Right. Because I believe that everybody gets to choose what they get to do with their own body, especially when it comes to fucking rape and incest and medical issues. Right. I don't I don't think that people should be using shmum shmartians as birth control, whatever. My point being, if I'm a Republican and I am very pro-life and I go online and I see a clip of a Democrat screaming to a crowd of young people, I love abortion.

29:57It's fueling my fire as a pro-lifer. Right. It is fueling me, as I am assuming a lot of pro-life people are very Christian, saying things like, Democrats have no problem committing murder to unborn fetuses. So in my head, regardless of what you think, and I know a lot of people are like, maybe you don't know how you feel, but the extremes on both ends are really unhelpful to everybody. So there are times where I'll post something because it's just morally the right thing to do. But I get frustrated when people are like, use your influence to, because there's not anything, there's not anything that I'm going to fucking repost on Instagram that's going to like sway someone's political views, like at all.

30:52But I like to continue to show what values I'm aligned with. than what I am and I'm not okay with. And I like to do that in a way that's elegant enough to not trigger other people to be over reactionary. And so we lose kind of all context and it just becomes yelling. So that's really important to me. And I do every day truly think about the fact that I live in my world and my world surrounded by my like-minded people are all pretty similar, right? So, you know, a lot of my friends are working mothers. A lot of my friends, because of that, have done sleep training. A lot of my friends, because they travel so much for work, also don't really mind traveling without their children and want to have alone time with their spouses.

31:51But I am sure that somebody in a different part of the country who is also is not a working mother and couldn't imagine spending two days away from their child for anything would think that it's irresponsible of me to like go travel without my kid, whether or not it was for work or pleasure. And I don't blame them for that being odd to them. Right. This is just an example. So I try to think before I post strong opinions all the time, is this opinion totally sheerly, totally only because this is normal for my very small particular bubble, right? Or is this something that we can say is pretty common in like the average human?

32:40And so I think about if you didn't live a life that was, you know, if you live a life that's not at all similar to mine, what would this be offensive? Would this be? And I'm sure that, you know, me posting the fucking skincare and, you know, or I don't, I don't, I have, you know, I bought a bag for myself recently. I have not posted the bag enough so you could see what it is. I have not linked it. I, I don't need to share it. It's for me. I don't need to make anybody fucking feel bad about like something that I did financially, especially in this current fucking financial in this economy, you know, like, you know, I'm pretty, but then I also have to be like, okay, I can't fucking triple think about everything that I think and, or that I say all the time, because then who would I be that I'm walking around as somebody who's like scared to talk?

33:37Cause I'm scared of, and so I found like a really nice balance, I think between like, okay, is this going to make somebody like feel bad? I would don't want anybody to feel bad ever. so yeah and then the rest of it is kind of like fuck it and then I also am like stay out of a lot of shit because I'm like I don't want to fucking hear it I don't have this conversation I'm exhausted I'm exhausted by it you know and so you know I don't know if I've ever like said how I feel politically but you know I'm definitely a democrat but I am definitely really super disappointed in the democratic party for a multitude of reasons and I'm really concerned for the Democratic Party.

34:14And I think a lot of the mishaps of said party is why that we are in this interesting fucking position that we're in now. And I think it's really time for Democrats to stop being so hysterical and to get smart and be more aligned with each other and start being, you know, and I'm only speaking for my own party. So that's all I can speak on. But I definitely, you know I'm a I talking about it with my cousin Heidi the other day we were just like we just feel like we've like common sense like it's that we've lost like a lot of common sense and things become so politicized and so yeah you know thank you for the question and I hope that that answers it but yeah you know I think when it comes down to like what I will and won't say I think more comes down I always talk about this obviously it just comes down to like posting things that align with my value system.

35:07But I, for the most part, really want to stay out of it. Okay. This is where I want to focus on this question because I haven't talked about this in a long time and it's really helpful. So someone asked for advice for girls who, independent girlies in particular, who are looking for a love like Davide. I'm attracted to men with traditional values, but I'm scared of shrinking myself. So I think this is a really harmful thought process. And I had to undo this when I met Davide. So you being in your feminine, and I'm going to say something, anyone can be, you know, I think, you know, if any of my children ever came to me and said that they felt like they were in the wrong bodies, I obviously, I love my children.

35:50I want you to be happy. Let's work through this. But that doesn't mean that I also am dismissive of like traditional gender roles. And I am a white cis female. My husband is a white cis male. And this is how we've grown up. So I can only speak for my context as somebody who is loving and open to any decision anybody makes. Our children are gay. We will fucking hang flags everywhere. And we actually already do have flags in this house because of Pride Month. We celebrate that in here. But I will say within that context, because I obviously want to explain myself, it feels very good to be taken care of by a partner in fucking general.

36:37So if you say like, oh, I'm an independent girly. I don't want to shrink myself. I'm not going to assume this about you. I used to describe myself in that way. So what I would do when Devin and I were dating is pull out my credit card or open the door for him or take control of our dates by dictating where they were and me ordering and really trying to take a role to show that I am independent and not small and powerful and that I didn't need him. And that just made him feel like shit. It made him feel unneeded. it removed everything that he had learned about taking care of women and I made him feel small he felt like he had to shrink himself for me and it didn't make him feel good and it was eye and heart opening to know that I was just projecting some narrative that I had been taught that that was not conducive to building a relationship for him at all.

37:43And I think I hear a lot of women who are also very independent and feminist who will say like, you know, well, I'm not going to date someone unless he's this, this, this, this, this, this. And so, you know, if you want a strong man who treats you really well and is polite and is a gentleman, like if those things are important to you to make you feel valued and taken care of, then you have to allow space for that person to do that for you. By the way, do I take care of Davide? Abso-fucking-lutely. I leave him notes. I cook his favorite fucking meat. Like if I've had a crazy full work day, I cook dinner because he also deserves to come home from his crazy long work day where he's been gone all day and like maybe hasn't had lunch or had like a shitty lunch to come home to a meal that I cooked.

38:34I like cooking and I like making him feel good. So I can still have had a day where I have been nothing other than a fucking badass woman who made a shit ton of fucking decisions and a shit ton of fucking money in a day and then come home and put on something beautiful and have him come in, see what I've prepared, look at me and go, God, like it's wonderful coming home to a meal that you made to nourish me and me get all like, oh, thank you. And like, I love to be swept off my feet. So it's like, we're just, we're just doing service for each other. Right. And it makes him feel so loved. And then in turn, our relationship grows.

39:15So you don't have to, you know, accepting love from another person should never mean shrinking yourself. And I do think it's a very feminist act to sit back and be taken care of. That's not shrinking yourself. That's you being a fucking little queen.

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41:47sorry Diet Coke I think that you can be a confident mature powerful woman and you can you know expect to be treated a certain way and you can still be powerful while being taken care of. I mean, not, I think it's what my life is like, and I can only speak for myself, but I would hope that you don't ever shrink yourself for anybody. But I would also really hope that when you are on dates, that you are aware of allowing the person on the date to have moments where they are allowed to express kind of, you know, what their dating love language is and that you are not being so overbearing to like prove that you're strong, that you are shrinking the other person.

42:39Because I absolutely did that endlessly. And I would ask him often, you know, like, what was it like dating American women before me? Like, I was just so curious. And he would be like, it was just so much of them like talking about themselves and like proving how powerful they are. And it made me feel like I couldn't, there was like no place for me and I had nothing to teach them or offer them or do. So, you know, I find that to be very, very interesting. And again, this is nuanced in particular to our life, but I, I, I think if you can find that balance, I really, really hope that you can, because when you are truly in your feminine, you can really call in a lot of beautiful things.

43:29And I will tell you what I did a lot. And I was talking about this with Davide the other day because I sent him a video and I posted it on my Instagram about this girl made a video talking about how the Bible and science were like aligned with the fact that what you tell yourself reflects in your body. and that we have a lot of control. And so we walk around saying things like, oh, I can never do that, that your brain doesn't know the difference between this actually happening and you saying it. It enters your neural pathways the same way. So your body responds to the thought the same way it responds to the thing happening.

44:16So we are completely in control of a lot that happens around us. So, you know, I was using this within the context of a few things the other day. One, Davide, when he kind of gets a cold, he's like, oh my God, I'm dying. Where I don't do that. And I don't do that with lots of things, right? I try to be really positive. I do speak poorly about my body to myself. And Davide will say to me like, your body can hear that. And so he's like aware of this too, right? So I think it's a lot of like, this is ultimately, if you get down in the nitty gritty of this and like follow this girl's train of thought and I'll repost this video again, your brain could just manifest way more than you think you're capable of, right?

44:58So instead of this overthinking, like you've now approached the scenario of dating through the lens of, you said, I'm an independent girly. So you felt like you needed to label that. But by the way, being a girl defines your gender, right? But your gender doesn't mean, like being a girl doesn't mean that you are or not innately feminine in itself. So like being a woman, being a girl looks, has like endless ways that that looks, right? So So I think you're currently, by saying independently, you're assuming that by talking about yourself as a girl, that that does not mean, that that inherently doesn't mean that you are independent, right?

45:48So you're like projecting your own narrative there, which by the way, that outward projection is you manifesting that, a narrative that you don't even want to be true. And then saying shrinking myself, now you're also projecting a narrative that to be seen as independent, you have to shrink yourself, right? So you're almost like manifesting, not almost, you are manifesting scenarios that you don't even want for yourself. So you shouldn't think that way by any means. You should just know every day what your value is. and you should call in only exactly what is perfect and right for you. So if you want to find a partner that you don't have to shrink yourself for, if you want to find somebody who is an equal or somebody who lifts you up or whatever it is, you need to start saying that literally every night before you go to bed.

46:45Every night or every morning, whatever it is. but you need to be saying constantly, I hope you had a great day. Wherever you are, I used to say this every night before I met Davide. Whoever you are, wherever you are, I hope that today you had a wonderful day. I hope that you love your job, that you love your family, that you love your mom, that you are safe, that you made decisions that are going to propel you into the future to meet me in the perfect way at the perfect time that serves us to be our most happy together, right? Now you're putting outward into the world exactly what you want. You're visualizing that.

47:27You can see this entity in your brain. I mean, I would literally picture a person and now like, you know, after I met him, I was like, that was him. Like I just, you know how you like, you think of like a man and like, I didn't build what he would look like. I never had a type. I didn't care. I cared about somebody who loved me. And I was telling somebody this yesterday. They were like, oh, how did you know Davide was the one. And I was like, we didn't even like, like we loved each other. We had definitely had like a love at first sight, like, oh my fucking God. But he didn't like me. I was, I was like the kind of girl that fully was like, well, you know, I have a brand and well, I can pay for dinner and I made a dinner reservation and like, oh, I'm going to go buy us this.

48:06I left no room for him to do anything. And he didn't like that at all. And I didn't like that he didn't like that, right? Or that he was really private. And he thought that my internet presence was way too much for him. And he didn't like that at all. And I was like, this guy's great, but I don't like the way he lives his life. He was so Italian and so traditional with certain things. And I was like, oh, I don't like how neurominded he is about certain things or how we always have to do this thing because that's what he's used to or whatever. And we were really good about communicating those things.

48:48And we grew into each other so perfectly that, I mean, he's my perfect person right now. But I remember laying in bed next to him at night. He had fallen asleep and I could feel in my body so intensely that he was my husband and that I was having children with this person and that he, outside of being a great husband to me, would most importantly be a great father to my children. And I urge you to take it a level further when you're picking your partner, not to just think like, I don't want to shrink myself. You need to, I'm sorry, using an example. I'm not trying to, I don't know who you are, but I'm sorry if you feel like you're being picked on.

49:33I would urge you to think, I can't wait to create a unit on this planet, if you want to have kids, that brings special, kind, happy, hardworking, smart, caring people into this world that are going to make this planet a better place. Children that are going to be loved and happy. And they're going to be so loved by us that they don't have to be hateful people on this planet because they're fulfilled. And that type of relationship is my personal dream. That's my goal, right? So instead of just being like, oh, well, I need this and I'm worried about myself. It's really living in like a world of one where I would also encourage everyone to think, am I a good partner right now?

50:28Like, am I in a place where I'm able to be a good partner? So while I was saying these mantras every night and talking to who is now Davide, I was in therapy and I still am. I was working out every day. I was working a lot. I was having so much fun. I was open. I was like truly felt, and I feel this way again now, and it's ebbed in Flood of Korska's life, like my feet were in the ground and I was just, my feet were in the ground and I was rooted so hard in who I am and my branches were just swaying beautifully because I was so rooted. So the advice that I would give you that got me to call in Davide is this, and it's how I feel now.

51:15And obviously in between feeling this way when I met him 10 years ago and now, this energy and this feeling has shifted many times, but hopefully the goal is you come back here and you keep coming back here. But life sucks and it hits you things and things are hard and challenges happen. And sometimes we get uprooted. But if you have a good foundation, I'll tell you where you need to visualize yourself. And I am currently here and I was here when I met Davide and it puts you in a really beautiful place to call in everything you can. You have to visualize yourself as a tree and that your feet are rooted so beautifully in the soil.

51:57And they're rooted so beautifully and so strongly in the soil that you get to flow, that your branches are just vibrating and flowing and being fun and sexy and gorgeous. because when you are rooted and you know who you are and you are happy and you're working on your stuff, all you have to do is flow beautifully. And you know what you attract? Everything. You grow more. Your chlorophyll is pumping. You're a place for birds to land and squirrels to build nests. You are a stable, beautiful home. And what do trees do? They fucking make our planet ground. They create oxygen. So your energy is just creating air for people and your neighbor.

52:49It's just a beautiful... So I urge you, instead of thinking like, I'm independent or my person needs to do this or I need to do that, worry about yourself. And you're going to call in exactly what you deserve. You're going to call in a beautiful partner. Every day, you need to send him intentions, him or her. You need to say, I hope you had a great day. I hope that you're rooting. I hope that your branches danced in the wind today. I hope you had a wonderful day. I hope you love your friends. I hope you love your family. I hope you love your job. I hope everything is happening for you, leading up for you to meet me.

53:21Okay. But you have to do that too. Otherwise you're not, you know, it's all about like, well, I want my partner to be this. But I think if we switch the narrative to, I need to be the best partner. I need to be in a place to be the best partner for the person that I'm going to meet. What a beautiful different scenario. And what what a better world we're building, right? I think it's a much healthier place to approach that from. I hope that makes sense. Sorry, I went off on a tangent there, but I just want everybody to be happy. And I think we're overcomplicating it. It makes me so sad that we're overcomplicating it.

53:57And it's just because we have so much information, but we're also trying to like undo, you know, fucking a lifetime or a lifetime, excuse me, like hundreds of years of people being, women being totally fucking oppressed. So I totally get it. How do you make room for the holidays with their already busy schedule? It's the last one I'll answer. You know, I love chaos. I love being busy. I love ripping around. I don't like long moments where I'm stagnant. So it works for me. I love going to holiday parties. I also keep thinking, you know, like it's so sad that we have like a month to enjoy this and then it all kind of goes away.

54:43And then January, February, March, April, worst time of year. It's a long time, which is why I think that Valentine's Day and Christmas should change dates, but you can't really change the date of Jesus' birthday. But I think we need something to look forward to at the beginning of the year to like, because it's, but like further into the beginning of the year, not right away because all these holidays happen. And then we have like nothing for months until summer comes and it's such a blase four months. But so I look at it like that, not in a negative way, but like, oh, I'm so lucky I get to do all these things right now.

55:22And even like, you know, I really wanted a relaxing Thanksgiving. We ended up having so many people, but like, look what I got to do. I got to have all these people at my house and I got to, fulfill the fantasy that I had of this house, which was that it would remain full of family members and be a place for people to feel like they had a center to come back to. So it's like my sister's husband is here with his stepdaughter. I love that now another person has found this home is a consistent place for them to celebrate. It makes me really happy. She comes here and swims in the summer when I'm not home, when it's hot.

55:57She is available to come in and out of this house anytime she babysits for Carly. You know, it's like, it's just, it's lovely. It's a big, this house is like full of community. So I think, you know, I really view being busy, not as like, oh, I can't handle all this and this is stressful. Like I get to do these things is how I kind of view it. And this is something that Davide is really working on because the poor guy works, you know, really, really hard. And I say this all the time, he works on Saturdays. And so, you know, like last weekend, we had this really beautiful wine for wine. We had this really beautiful event for mascot wines, which I love.

56:36It's a vineyard in Napa, but from the Harlan family. And the wine is fucking delicious. And they organized this like awesome day for us. But, you know, it's Sunday and Davide worked all day Saturday. And then we had a dinner Saturday night and Friday. I had a photo shoot here at 7 a.m. So he couldn't sleep in. So he had to get up and rush out, you know, not even sleep in, but he couldn't even sleep until eight. And then he had to go have a full work day. And then we went to Napa the two days before. It's just like, was never like, he couldn't, felt like he couldn't catch your breath. But every time we have something and he's like, oh, we got to go to this thing.

57:09And then during the thing, he's like, I'm having the best time. Like, look how lucky we are to do this. And at the end of the day, he's always like, oh, what? I said, just save yourself the fucking bullshit complaining at the beginning because it's negative. And I get it. He's so tired. He's like, when do I get a break? I'm like, don't even put that energy out there. You get to do all these things. And the more that we do these things, and by the way, also, it's very healthy to say no, of course, and we can, but these are things that he was excited about. So I'm just kind of like, it's just good to find the balance, right?

57:42It's really good to find the balance, but I'm available for all these things because I like it. And so my, you know, narrative with that is that I get to do this. All right. Okay. Thank you for listening. I hope everything I said made sense. I love you all. Bye.

58:02And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes this week's episode of Everything is the Best. I hope you enjoyed it. Please rate, review, subscribe, all that stuff. Maybe leave a comment. Go ahead and follow me on Instagram at Pia Barancini. And I hope you have a fabulous, fabulous rest of your day. Love you. Ciao.

58:29Davide:Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.