The Internet, My Identity & Why Some Friendships End

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27:55In popular culture, I feel like a few of you asked me about where I stand about the Alex Cooper, Alex Earl drama. And I just, I don't, I'm not going to like shit talk another woman, but I will just say I am absolutely an Earl girl. I love her and I love that she did not address at all what Alex Cooper tried to get her to address. And I know that there's conspiracy theories as to why and a lot of it comes out of politics, but I just don't care. I'm just really, really into Alex Earl. And I think she's like, you know, it's a really positive way to look at things is just keep it moving. And that honestly comes down to a lot of your questions were about how do you move on from a friendship breakup?

28:50And my God, you know, I think there's some of you who are in a really tough spot. Some of you are in a really tough spot right now, and I can see it by your messages. And I think you have to approach a friendship breakup how you approach like a partnership breakup. You know, it's, you have to like mourn and grieve. And, but I think you also have to understand the same way I would encourage all of you to understand with like a boyfriend, which is that unfortunately, like not everyone is for you and people change. People change. I've gone through it for sure. And I've seen other friends go through it really bad.

29:30And I think first of all, what I'd like to say is like, I want to normalize the fact that unfortunately, like friendship breakups happen and they're very common. And it's somehow the same way as a relationship with a male feels like a failure. A friendship breakup feels like a failure, feels like embarrassing and it can feel shameful and it feels like, what did I do wrong? And how could this have happened? And everybody wants to know why, the why and the what. I'll tell you what, when you ask about a breakup with a partner or a breakup with a friend, a breakup with a business, anything, Everybody has their side of the story and everybody is right.

30:10Unless you're totally wrong, you know, unless somebody did something fucking stupid, like cheated or whatever. But what I'm saying is like, we can free ourselves of so much overthinking and judgment and low vibrational bullshit if we are not so fixated on being like, well, if she just did this and then just, like the worst thing in the world that you could do is expect somebody to act how you expect them to act. That's like just so unrealistic. So unrealistic. And so, and what I've said a million times, and I've talked about it on this podcast extensively, is that everybody's version of what happened is viewed through the lens of their own personal life experience.

30:55And so when you view something like that, if you view something in those terms, it really like frees up your judgment of other people. I'm going to throw something out there, for example, say like whatever, what's the most basic thing? Somebody cheats on someone, right? So if somebody comes from a parent who has like, I've had multiple marriages and multiple divorces and some cheating was in their family, their family's going to be upset about it. It's going to be a big deal. It's not going to be as big of a deal as it's going to be to somebody whose parents met in high school and are still together and doesn't know any infidelity in their life and has been with their husband since college, right?

31:35I'm just giving an extreme example here. Everyone's viewing, yes, is what happened wrong? Yes, nobody should ever cheat on their partner in any scenario. But how everyone reacts to it and deals with it is completely different based on their own family experience, their life experience, morals, values. it's just completely different, completely different. So sometimes I'll look at situations and I'll be like, damn, like what makes sense for, or like this person's reaction is this way, but based on how they grew up, that totally makes sense to me. So you can't like blame them for this thing. Right.

32:20So I try to do that for the people that I think have quote unquote wronged me or people that I've grown out of having a relationship with. Friendship stuff is really particular because you're not going, and same thing with a boyfriend, you're never going to, you're not always going to grow and have your life end up in the same place as your friend. First of all, marriages come into play, boyfriends, husbands, parenting. You know, these are big opportunities. to have a big breakup. What if you don't like somebody's husband? Or what if you think somebody's too good for their husband? What if one best friend has a really strong opinion about parenting in a certain way and maybe says something to another friend and it rubs them the wrong way and it can slowly build up over time?

33:14What if somebody has kids and somebody has kids maybe like 10 years later and has built a career. And then maybe the person who had kids early wants a career later in their life. And like, even though they have kids already, maybe they look at this person with a career and they're like, fuck, I want that. And it's like, it's all so nuanced and it's so layered. And I've heard, and also like, I've heard of girlfriends of mine late recently that have literally just said like, it happened to me a couple of weeks ago when my girlfriends call me, she's like, I think I've just like really grown out of this friendship.

33:50I don't feel any ill will. But when we go to dinner, I don't leave feeling fulfilled, loved, joyful. And we all recognize that. I mean, there are couples that we hang out with when we leave. We're just like, man, I just want to spend so much time. I mean, I am so enriched by the conversation. And really, I've been noticing this for myself like a lot lately. I've been trying to like venture out and go out a little bit more. And, you know, sometimes when I do, I'm like, I'm so happy I did that. And sometimes when I do, I come home and I look at Davide and I'm like, I just spent the whole night. I spent money on a fucking meal that was made at some stupid fucking restaurant in LA.

34:30We cook much better at home. And the conversation at dinner was all kind of shallow or had to do with a bunch of stuff that I don't, you know, I didn't really, I didn't feel like it was, you know, anything that like I kind of made me feel more self-conscious about, you know, whatever. And then, you know, maybe sometimes we'll go by a bar or a party and I'm like, I didn't feel good when I left that place. I felt like I went to a place where everybody's kind of staring at one another and it didn't feel. And, you know, it's good to put yourself out there and just be like, you know what, maybe that's not for me.

35:03Where I'm really thriving right now is when we have people over, when I kick it at my friend's houses over here, when I go on little, you know, it's like, it's just like some things just feel better. And those things for me felt really good six months ago, a year ago, three years ago, 10 years ago, for sure. And you just like, we get older, you just get older. And so just recognize like those feelings and be aware of them. By the way, nobody's a bad person for being in a different place in life than you are. It's all, this is what I'm, it's all fine. So the way that I think about like a friendship breakup that I've had is like, feels like I got, I went through a divorce.

35:44I, or in a death, like I want to message this person almost every day. Like still, it's been years. And I still am like the only person who would think that this is as funny or get why this is funny to me is my ex best friend, you know? And I would just die to send this fucking TikTok to her right now. Truly. And then I'm like, you know what? If we're meant to come back to each other at a moment in life, then we will. And if not, it's not meant to be. And I just view it as like a little death. And I'm so grateful that I had this person for the years that I had them. And this is exactly how I view boyfriends.

36:27I'm so grateful to have had the boyfriends in my life, the exact time that I needed, set me up in the exact way to meet Davide, right? It all is just stepping stones and paths and journeys and shit changes. And we're all human and we are all doing our best. And so I just really want to encourage you to like not be hard on yourself and to go through like a really yummy grieving process. Okay.

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41:08All right. One of your questions is, do I speak Danish? I know Holkeft, Tisaman, Paspominteske. What are the, oh my God, I know songs. Why can't I think of them? Flu baller. Will groom flu is a dish. That's the extent of my dish. My mom got Alzheimer's and didn't speak any real language for the last decade of her life. I was really close with her. And then when she got Alzheimer's, it was hell for me. Because I used to just like sleep over at her house all the time. She was my whole person. And she had to like live in a home and took her dentures out and never put them back in. She was speaking like a mix of English and Danish.

42:00and we just kind of abandoned it. My mom speaks Danish and Daveni makes fun of her language often. They have like language offs and it's like really funny to see them compare words and laugh hysterically about the difference in their languages. And that's about it. I wish I spent more time in Denmark. It's such a cool place. My mom made smorgasbords growing up. I ate Danish pancakes all the time. we do have a lot of, you know, it's just like my dad had like, it's such like an overwhelmingly big Italian family. And my mom was so good about like leaning into that and loving it. And, and she did a lot of Danish stuff too, my God.

42:45But like, you know, she really like leaned into that. So I grew up definitely with a little bit more, especially because I had both of my grandparents on my dad's side for much longer and we spent much more time with that family. and I had more siblings on that side and they really leaned into the Italian traditions too. So it was more like Italian heavy growing up in this house. But I have been to Denmark. I have not been in a million years. I'm dying to take my mom, just the two of us. Logistically, that seems really difficult because I don't know, I need to like fly my cousin out to help with the kids.

43:22Yeah, I gotta like figure out the logistics of that. I also wanna go with my cousins because they're cousins on my Danish side. so I got to figure it out. But Denmark is just an unbelievable, fabulous place. I'm getting a lot of questions about being updated on Toto and circling back to the conversation that I just had with Davide. Chi-Chi's notorious for picking fights with dogs in our house. And usually the dogs kind of look at him and they're like, okay, Danny DeVito, we get it, you're the alpha male. And Toto and Chi-Chi have been getting in these like little tussles that have just been getting progressively worse, which has simultaneously happened while Chi-Chi has just been aging so rapidly the last like six months.

44:10Like we've been to emergency with him because he couldn't catch his breath because he's just an almost 10-year-old bulldog. And he's been unbelievably sprightly and healthy his whole life and has not had any issues. And he has downshifted the last few months in a way that is overwhelmingly heartbreaking and has me panicking for the well-being and mental health of my husband because I've never seen, I'm a dog fucking person. I've never seen a human and a dog have a bigger connection than my husband and Chiro Barrancini. and I have no clue how he is going to handle whatever happens to Chi Chi. But right now, it's just sad.

45:02It's sad. And so I heard a scuffle. I looked outside. It happened on the stairs in our backyard. So Chi Chi, like, definitely he didn't hurt. He, like, nothing's hurt her, but he's sore from the fight in his legs and he got a puncture wound in his neck. We cleaned it out right away. I took him to the emergency. They cleaned it up. They said they don't sew up puncture wounds. They're just going to give him antibiotics. They cleaned it out. But they gave him drugs. And he came home tonight and couldn't catch his fucking breath and was all high and drugged. And they can die from heavy breathing. Gavaday's in fucking Italy.

45:38And I just, like I said on my Instagram, feel like it's time for me to start collecting a different kind of animal. And then I'm like, should I not? like the fact that Toto is willing to fight with Chi Chi, like, should I not have this fucking dog here? Like someone sent me a nice message and was like, babe, like no one's going to judge you if you rehome this dog. And I love Toto so much. But yeah, I don't know. I mean, right now I have to like, they're going to have to be separate. They're going to have to be separate. It's a lot. There's a lot. I like, I just am constantly, yeah, I know it's a constant.

46:12I want more kids. I want more dogs. Like, I don't know. I, at some point I have to be like, take a beat, Pia. But every time I open my phone and I see it, and then I just keep thinking like, fuck, Toto. I could send you to go find a beautiful farm to live on and make room in my home for another dog who needs to be saved, who is not aggressive with Chi-Chi, or is not bit me. I'm just like, oh my God. I mean, it's very interesting. And by the way, it was totally Shishi's fault. I saw it happen. Shishi launched for him, you know, and this dog has lived on the streets. He's like a fucking, he's a fighter.

46:50One of your questions, and that happens a lot, is the cultural differences between Davide and I. And that's a real question. And it took a lot, a lot of fucking learning and unlearning. I think a lot of it has to do too with like us being like, I'm a woman, hear me roar, which we should all be doing because no offense to certain wonderful men like my husband, but men are just can be such a fucking joke. And so I'm really happy to be alive in the time that I am to be a woman in a country that allows voting and us to have powerful jobs and be entrepreneurs. And every woman I know is so successful and self-made and comes from a family who encourages them to do and be whatever they want.

47:47And like, what a gift. But I, you know, in my 20s was like overly zealous and cocky about that attitude. and would like try to lead like dates with him and like me take care of everything. And I was being, it was very in my masculine in the way. And he and I have talked about this a lot and I'd love to get him back on to talk about this again because I think it's important because as soon as I, first of all, instead of being defensive about the minor feedback he would give me, which is like, he wants to drive, like he would love to make the dinner. And I'd be like, well, you're in my town. like I'm in and he'd be like, I, you like break down and be like, I'm just like trying to take care of you.

48:30This is like how I was raised. And it's his love language. It's his language. So, you know, we still have a little bit of that when it comes to think kind of like work stuff. You know, when we talk about work, I think I'm obviously is just like such a straight shooter. and he works, but he balances me in like a great way because I'm like, grow fast, go hard, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, no, like, I'm going to take my time. I'm going to do it right. The right people will come to me. The right partners will come to me. And they are, and they have been. And it's what he's been able to like call in with his talents and doing things in the right way to not make the wrong business decisions has taken a much longer, slower path, but the one that will win for our family in the end in such a better way and for him and for everybody.

49:28And so I'm thankful that he slowed me down. But like when I get in my mode of like, we need to do this and we need to do this and we need to do this with him, you can get very like, how does he word it? He always says it in a way that's like very sweet, but he'll kind of just be like, I'm like the man here. And this is like my thing. And like, it seems like you don't respect me. And when he says something to me like that, and he gets like vulnerable with me in that way, I'm like, man, like, am I talking to him? Like, I think he doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't talk to me like that. Even when he knows what he's doing, he makes, he says it to me in a loving way.

50:15And so I think it hits him harder too. And he'll tell me like, I didn't grow up this way. I didn't grow up with women talking to men in this way or being this snappy or being this intense. And so it'll just like when he responds like defensively, he'll be really good about taking a second and then just being like, yeah, this is like culturally like very different for me. I think in terms of like, like actual work, like working with Italian people is just a totally different pace. I am, have been able to work with a lot of people over like Zoom and WhatsApp and like, you know, revolve for 10 years.

50:56Like we, I've been working with factories. They used to come to the office all the time too. They don't even come to the office anymore, but like we have factories that I've been working with overseas or, I mean, one of them like made my veil for my wedding. Like, you know, these are people who I've known for like so long, but have like never met. And it's just such a streamlined, quick way to communicate. You send tech packs, you do this, you send that, you know, it's like, okay, great. But one more, like, you know, when you enter business with a lot of people in Italy, like these are very serious relationships that need to be, and this is not in all cases, but that need to be respected and harnessed.

51:36and that requires a lot of in-person and that requires a lot of long meetings. And like, you know, there are times I've been in factories and I'm just like, oh my God, like we have to stop talking. Like this could have been an email, you know? But like, then it's like, who the fuck am I? Like, what am I missing that I want to rush through this process so much and skip out on all the like yummy, beautiful moments that make these connections and these relationships so special, right? Like it's very American and capitalist of me. Do I wish there was something down the middle? Absolutely. And, you know, I'm reaching out and testing a lot of different vendors for Baranchini right now.

52:19And I've been able to find, you know, factories that have people that are, you know, it's their family factories, but the younger person runs it and they, you know, we're on WhatsApp and we're sending photos back and forth and we have our own easier line of communication. But I think, you know, what makes Italy amazing is this like very slow pace. That's just really beautiful. But living that every day culturally is like really hard for me. It's like, it's really hard. It's really hard that everything is closed at a certain time of day, not having, you know, if I run out of tampons or diapers for my kids, it's like, yeah, I'm waiting hours for a store to open.

52:57There's so much emphasis. This is going to sound crazy, but like there's so much emphasis on spending a lot of time together and that comes, like if we have been on the road, if we've been traveling with our kids in the car for like six hours, there's no like, you go to the hotel and relax, like we'll see you tomorrow. We are like expected to show up, sit down, have a four hour meal, keep our kids up till 1 a.m. because that's just like what you do. There's no, and so there are times where I was like getting arguments at Davide where I'm just like, Like, hey, like boundary, like boundary for my kids, like boundaries for us.

53:38Like we haven't, we need to fucking have a moment to ourselves chasing after Carmela's a lot. Like I need to catch my breath for a second. Or like when he goes there for work and he's like expected to land and go like straight to coffee with someone and go straight to this. And I'll be, and he'll call me and he's like burned out. And he's like, I want to fucking cry. I'm so tired. And I'm like, yeah, you can tell these people like to take a beat for a minute. And he's like, no, I can't. you know, and it, and, and, and he shows up and then what, you know, he said, it was a great time and it, it, it just can be, it's a beautiful way to live.

54:13It's really magical. And those are moments that you're really grateful for, but you are absolutely expected to not have an agenda. What you want to do doesn't matter. You are doing what the group is doing. You are having coffee and then the coffee is followed by another dessert and then the dessert is followed by another two hours of conversation and it is a whole day thing and it doesn't matter if your kids are screaming or if you got off a red eye or that you have to work or like there's just none of there's just none of that you show up and it's a beautiful thing and you show up and that when we're traveling it's really hard for me because I will just be like I need to like breathe and be alone for a second with the kids and the kids need a break.

55:02And he's just like, try telling that to my family. And I'm like, you're right. It's rude. And they think it's rude. And of course they think it's rude. And I get it. I don't see them enough. So that's like a minor example of like, I think like the cultural stuff comes down to these like little moments where just based on how we were raised, we would do things completely differently. Like, and I don't want to offend anybody. I also want to, you know, show up and be, and I'm so grateful to be in these places. But I think like when it comes to like female male dynamics, and by the way, like, nobody like gave up his job and moved here and started a company and has like, you know, had a life that was like totally offline and like Like he has been like nothing but like a wonderful husband who has gone completely out of his comfort zone compared to like how he was raised to have, you know, interned to this relationship with me and have it be something that like lives on the internet.

56:08And so I think in that sense, like, yeah, that's like a big cultural difference. All right. I love you guys. Thank you for listening to the podcast. If you are still listening, please feel free to leave a review. You're so inclined. And I will talk to you guys next week.

56:32And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes this week's episode of Everything is the Best. I hope you enjoyed it. Please rate, review, subscribe, all that stuff. Maybe leave a comment. Go ahead and follow me on Instagram at Pia Barancini. And I hope you have a fabulous, fabulous rest of your day. Love you. Ciao.