Turning 40, Letting Go & Manifesting More with Whitney Davis

26:20Right.

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30:15how many clients do you have right now right now I have nine clients and I'm still hanging with Dominic my little guy my 15 month old baby I talked to Fifi at PO about you yesterday you did I love her I think a lot of what I've learned and a lot of talking about parenting lately on Instagram is that a lot of people really expect, go into like preschool or these programs or whatever, like really expecting to make mom friends. And I approach this in the same way that I'm approaching dating. Like my cup is full. And if I attract another person, that's great. But like, I don't, I'm not, I don't have this expectation of like these moms that are going to like fulfill my mom life for me.

30:57Yeah. It's just been a very hot topic in pop culture lately. go into any situation with expectation. When I think I dropped this Tony Robbins quote last time I was on the pod, when you replace expectation with appreciation, your suffering disappears because you just have expectations all the time. You're bound to get let down and develop some sort of attachment to whatever that totally vision is. And anything that veers from that vision feels like a letdown. My vision only is she's happy at school. We walk in, I'm like, hi, high-fiving the woman at the, you know, the secretary who's at the front, who I met the other day when I dropped the check off, who was so cute.

31:37Like I love saying hi to other kids. It's community. Yeah. So even if it just ends there, I don't want it to, because I would like to be involved in the school and two cute things and, you know, just to get back and provide service and all of that. But it felt really good. And when we got out, first of all, she ran right in and they were like, well, that was easy. And I looked at them and I was like, I have to tell you, like, Carmel is very happy. And here's also where a lot of my gratitude comes in terms of like going back to what we're talking about autism. It manifests in so many different ways.

32:07I have won the lottery child that does not have out of control behavioral issues, especially when it comes to like new spaces or transitions. And I think that's because we exposed to a lot at a young age. I think it's because I true, well, I've had, you know, people used to tell me it's because we slept trained her that she's like really comfortable being like on her own. She loves being with her own thoughts. That's an autism thing anyway, but she's also like very well slept. She loves routine. She loves going, but she also loves going into new spaces. We're very lucky. And I know that there are so many moms that have autistic children that are like extremely violent, like very violent and physical and really and and so I feel selfish ever you know quote-unquote complaining about our scenario when I was given like a magical angel and do I mourn the idea of what I was going to have as a daughter somebody who I have reciprocal communication with or like can do ballet or like, you know, like when the first time my mom and I took her to ballet, we got in the car, we cried hysterically, you know, like there's a lot of those moments, but like, that's okay.

33:28If that's the worst thing that happens to me, I'm scared for her safety a lot. That's like where I'm really nervous, but I don't ever want to like even manifest that, you know? So we just stay on top of it. You, I feel like, and I wanted to pull your mom into this conversation, but we only got two of these mics. I feel like I've watched, you know, I've known you for over 25 years. I feel like I've watched you grow so much in the last five years. And after listening to the telepathy tapes and even having some understanding that, which you may feel intuitively that Carmela can read your mind or understand your thoughts.

34:10I'm curious how much of you think at least maybe the speed in which you've grown has been because of her and you being really mindful of your thoughts and how you're speaking to yourself in your head and shifting that narrative consciously knowing that your energy, even at the thought level affects her. Before we knew she had autism, when she was in my stomach, those were conversations we were having at the dinner table with my mom and Davide. day. Like, who do we want this girl to be? What do we want for her? That comes down to the way that we speak in our house to each other. That comes down to what we say, you know, like your kids are in the car and a friend calls and you're gossiping about so-and-so, you know, which is like normal to like, but it's like, yeah, they hear all of that.

34:57You know, like I still hear my mom being a little shit bitch on the phone with her friends. You know what I mean? Like, you're just like just a girl. But we were, we've always been very like, even the other day, I don't know. We were always just like, we need to be really aligned. Carlo now found his pacifier, wants his pacifier again. I saw that. So I'm like, whatever, you can have it a night. And then, because he doesn't have a bottle anymore at night. How we're going to take the pacifier away from Dominic. There's a lot of, it's, I know it's just the only thing that works for him. So we just stopped the way they're so little, they could have it for much longer.

35:32So this is what happens. So then I was like, okay, no daytime Patsy. And then Carlo had the Patsy and something. He's cuddling with Davide in the morning. And I said, give me the Patsy. And I took it out of his mouth. And then David said, no, give it back to him. And I said, I looked at him and I said, we are like earmuffed Carlo. Like he even understands, but he does. I said, we have discussed from the beginning, not being aligned as parents in front of our kids always. And speaking about our difference in opinion on something separately. Yeah. I was like, I'm with you on that. I said, do not disagree with me in front of him like this because, and I said, well, I'm going to nip this in the bud now.

36:11And it never really happened. So I was like, I'm going to nip this in the bud now over a pacifier. Cause we can laugh about it. And it's cute like conversation. But I said, we talked about this and he's like, I know you're right. It's a cute thing. I said, but you just undermined me in front of him. He's a baby. It doesn't matter. But I was like, this is the practice. We have to keep remembering that we can't be misaligned. And it was a light, funny way to have the conversation. Thank God. But we have been, our conversations about the kind of parents who want to be and what we want for our kids start.

36:37And this is the advice I always give on the podcast is like, have those conversations with your partner. What does the nighttime look like? If the baby's crying and we both have to get up at a certain time, like, how do we make sure that we're not fighting at four in the morning over who's getting up? Kyle and I just switch every other night. Within feeding, you know, you take turns at night or you do. How do you guys do it? Every other night when you're on, then you're off. You're on, you're off. Right. Dominic's not a good sleeper. So. You can't go multiple nights of getting up. What do you think Carmela understands about the world that adults often miss?

37:17Because it seems like she she gets it.

37:25trying to think of like, yeah, what adults miss. I mean, she leads with intuition. So a lot of us aren't in tune enough with our intuition and a lot of yucky daily things and many dramas and many soap operas and social media and the news and chaos and the phone and getting really upset about everything that everybody's like that type of energy, I think really distracts us from our intuition. And she's only driven by that, which is really cool. What has she taught you that you didn't expect to learn? I think I've been somebody who has craved like instant gratification from the time I was very little.

38:17And I, that is not at all something, this is patience because imagine like we'll work on something with her for like two years before she'll do it. Right. She still doesn't even use like a fork or a spoon. Right. You know? Yeah. And it's, her hands are messy and dirt, you know, but like the other day I was like, come on, let's use. So if I say to her, come really use your fork. Sometimes I'll be stirring with her and it's good. And she's receptive to it because she's smart. And so she'll just take the easy route. Right. And so I'll be like, come on, Carmela. And she'll do it. But or she actually roll her eyes.

38:52She will side eye for sure. Or she'll get fresh. Like the other day, she opened the cabinet and was biting through because she needs protein, but she likes those like beef sticks. She was biting through the plastic. It's heartbreaking to see her child biting through something because she's not telling it. And I'm like, I looked at her and I was like, I just like had a long day. And I was like, Carmela, enough. I will give you anything you want. You have to look at mommy and say, I'm hungry. You're eating plastic. This is so dangerous. And then she went, I'm hungry. So she, when you say that to her, she's understanding exactly what you're saying.

39:30Dude. And then she said, I'm hungry. Back to you. And I was like, see, but like, there's a lot happening in between. And I could talk about that for ages. she you know there's like a bilateral communication there's no bilateral communication or like now she's in this fucking habit of chewing on her hair drives me batshit crazy and i wonder if it gets her in touch with her body no it's just so much oral fixation she's she grinds her teeth she has she uses a chewy but vibration like a little vibration rabbit on her mouth i can even put like ice on her she loves it like she needs so much oral stimulation so her hair is right here so she'll just take her tongue out and grab her hair.

40:10Yeah. And I'll literally go. And you know, what's so funny is I get so much pleasure from having that kind of like Carmella enough, like stop chewing your hair. And then her going back to me because I'm like, this is us communicating like, and this is what kind of like a normal interaction is with a kid where there's like, you're frustrated with your mom. I'm so grateful for those, for her getting frustrated. Yeah. And

40:38And you're now parenting two completely different people since Carlo joined the team, two totally different nervous systems, two developmental tracks. What's it been like emotionally to experience a child who runs up to you, says your name, shows you affection? I thought it would make me a lot more sad. Sad. Why? Because... I you just realize this is not how I feel this is how I like it's just you I'm getting so much from Carlo Carlo's like hi mom hi all those curious all those that's her that's her all those cute things that kids say that like are on your home videos that you're that are like that that is pronounced a certain way and you still 40 years later saying you know like Like we, my mom and I said like, we like Wiener the other day instead of Wiener.

41:42Cause like my niece, Ella said it like that, you know, we have these like funny ways we called Levi Levi. Like, you know, we never got that with her. So I, you're getting so much fulfilled. Like for me, I'm like, this is what it's like having a kid. Like, this is awesome. Like, you know, one to two with Carmela felt like 10 years. Cause there was so little milestones happening. and now I'm just like this dude is like the ultimate patience and training and so I thought that I would yeah he's like working the room all the time you know he's the best that it would be a daily reminder of what I'm not getting from her you know that's where that that's where the and it is yeah like his 18 month appointment right which he rocked was the was her my most heartbreaking with her because my doctor wouldn't listen to me.

42:35Yeah. I remember she still wasn't walking. And then at the end she was like, Oh, she has autism. Like, you know, I was like, what she, you know, you do that checklist. She wasn't pointing. She's not doing that. Like it was just, so this is what she's not doing. This is how not on track she is. But this doctor who also, our doctor also has a person in their family that has autism. And, um, so it was very like sweet and attentive with me. And she like put her hand on me. And when she left the appointment, she was like, I want you to know that there is no red flag anywhere with your son, that he is doing exceptional.

43:09And, you know, I think she was anticipating that I would be less nervous about it because I can't care. I don't want the energy of being like an anxious parent. You're unbelievable in that respect that you have the ability. I don't want to be that kind of person. I know, but the fact that you have the agency to make that choice and then follow through with being really intentional about your thoughts and how they affect your emotion and your behavior. Think about how much energy that we all have as people in a room who take up space. Imagine if my energy was fucking uptight and frenetic and anxious.

43:45Yeah. It'd be a lot. nobody would want to be around me. Nobody, my husband would not want to have sex with me. You know what I mean? Like this was uptight. Like I wouldn't want to have sex with him. I would be like, I'm too, I can't think. Yeah. My kids would have nervous. You're choosing joy and happiness. It's choosing joy. I just want to acknowledge how graceful you've been. Thank you. And I think we're taught a lot right now to have a lot of anxiety. We are. Most of my clients have anxiety. And I had it for a long time. I had debilitating anxiety. I've had it in different seasons of my life.

44:20Elementary school, high school, college, panic attacks. Full panic attacks? Mm-hmm. Finger hands like this, like not doing it. Yeah, it's a choice. I mean, for some people. Because sometimes I'll have anxious thoughts at night and I'll think to myself, I can think about everything that could go wrong or I can think about everything that's going well in my life. And I put on something happy and I just try, you know, it's like, but listen, And it's many years of practicing that. The more, like you said, it's practice. And the more reps of practicing that you get in, the easier it is to do. And then over time, it becomes your default.

44:57And then every once in a while, like you said, especially if you're tired or you're sick and your mental facilities are weak, the door for those anxious or fear-based thoughts is a little bit more open than normally. And that's human, right? That's going to happen.

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48:49how is parenting both Carmela and Carlo expanded your compassion for yourself

49:04um am I supposed to have compassion for myself you tell me what do you think I think it just like is what it is. I'm like really lucky to be a parent. I chose to be a parent and I chose in making that decision, knew that there could be a lot of challenges. And I accepted that. I love what you said. It was maybe I've got no grasp on time right now. Maybe it was a couple weeks ago. It was a story and you were like, listen, I love being a mom. I chose to be a mom. I get so much joy from spending time with my children and doing fun things with them. And I think that's such a refreshing take to hear, especially for people who aren't yet parents.

49:45Dude, I posted that on TikTok. It went semi-viral. Really? And the comments. Yeah. And then my podcast last week was about loving being a mom. You would think that I told the world something they'd never fucking heard before. I know. It's just interesting that you don't hear that take more often. No. You hear that it's misery and it's so hard. And I see it become some mom's personalities. And this goes back to for me for manifestation, because if you know, there's always like Instagram accounts that have these like parody videos about how hard it is to have a kid. Right. And so I'll see certain moms like only posting that and like or they'll post like, of course, my kid threw up on me.

50:25And then the other one shit its pants at the point. It's all these like negative. They don't they're not meaning to be negative. I think they're trying to find community in what is to them a uncomfortable situation. Yeah. Or just the realities of parenting. But I think if you only talk about that and it becomes your default, like sarcastic, like someone was at Carmela's birthday party last summer and she was talking to another mom who was trying for her second child and had just had a miscarriage and was like, had just processed that miscarriage and was like trying again. And so another mom that had two kids was here and they were, I was, I was so happy I was there to see this, to like kind of interject and change the energy around the conversation.

51:13But the mom with two kids said to the mom with one kid, do you guys want another kid? And this woman who had just had a miscarriage said, yes, you know, we're trying, you know, hopefully, you know, it'll happen soon. But it didn't say she just had a miscarriage. We're really trying. And the mom of two goes, oh, I mean, you really want two kids? And I was like, yes, she does. And I put my hand on her and I said, I love having two kids. I can't wait to have another one. It's so much fun. You're such a great mom to one. You're going to be such a great mom to two. Like, I can't wait for that to happen for you.

51:46What do you think that other person was trying to achieve by saying that? I've noticed it's become this person's personality where it's a coping mechanism. this person's not trying to be mean or to be an asshole, but there's a lot, the way that this, that I've seen multiple moms speak about parenting is only in this, like, I'm exhausted. I've never, like, it's when you, when you're, when you're talking like that to like be funny and lighten up the load and to make a joke out of something that's hard so much that it becomes your default. it's just really negative it's just negative yeah and so part of me almost like a version of complaining and so 100 and so part of me is like wow like like i i feel like you're calling in your kid to puke on you in the car sure that's it's like you're a magnet for the negativity you're just a magnet yeah it's a chain reaction 100 and i remember thinking in the moment i have a choice right now.

52:50That's some higher conscious living right there. Most people are just lizard brain activates the trigger, the cortisol, the snowball is happening. I mean, we're 40. So I think what a gift to have lived a lot of life and to be able to lie. You're 40. 40 years old. It's awesome. I love it. It feels great. You look exactly the same you did in high school. I actually think most of us look better than we did through our 20s and 30s. I look better than I did at the beginning of my 30s for sure. You just posted this quote. I think it was yesterday. It looked like it was on a bench. It was at her school.

53:38Oh, that was at the school. That school's a feeder to our high school, I think. Totally. Right. Yeah. The quote said, it's not who you are that holds you back. It's who you think you are not. When you read that, what part hits you personally or what do you take from that? I just think that we have ideas of, I think like a lot of like negative self-talk, like I do it too, where I'm like, I'm not academically, you know, enough, or I could never do that. Or like, I have to do this thing. And then it just like removes autonomy. The agency. Yeah. Right. And like, I think if you like, that's a value.

54:23Right. And if you, if you go into like, you know, what autonomy really means, I think a lot of us would choose that we would like to be autonomous and feel like we have agency of our lives and that we're in control and that we're happy about the decisions that we're making. And we're not, we're not constantly having to do what we think we're supposed to do. I don't know. I felt like I saw that at a moment where I'm trying to move into this next chapter of my life as an adult and a businesswoman and projecting my own insecurities on what it looks like to be a founder that does this whole thing.

54:59And I was like, oh, that's a nice quote for me to read. It was a little message. It was a message sent just because I could have gone anywhere. I dropped her off and they say, come back in 45 minutes. and I could have got on my phone or I could have gotten my car or I could have gone to a different part of the school. But for some reason, I walked straight to that bench and sat down and saw that quote. I love that. I thought it was so cute. A little synchronicity. I also love that the school has benches like that there. That is very sweet. So sweet. What belief, when you think about that quote and who you've been telling yourself that you're not, that could be as a founder, as a mom, as a woman, what belief do you most wish to let go of or even just loosen a little bit?

55:50I've heard a couple just in this conversation. Yeah. I think my deal with Revolve has allowed me to have a business without having to do anything on the back end. Any sort of like financing or operations, which is for me the hardest part. And so having to like face that and having this idea in my head that like, oh, I could never do that, but I can. And now I'm really like excited for it. Yeah. Well, and you can also partner with someone who that's their strength. Yeah. And I think it's my strength. Exactly. And I think it's my strength to know what I am and am not good at. Yes. And to fill in those gaps.

56:30And I'm not a micromanagerial person at all. So I feel comfortable. And with, you know, I don't know, I'm actually like very excited. I've come to terms that I'm like more so just like really excited for this to come to fruition in the way that it's supposed to. Yeah. You've been building it. It's been slowly and organically being developed for so many years, but now you'll have a little more tangible output to share with the world. And it's such a creative process for you, obviously, which I think that's the part you love, right? You're energized to sit down and work on a deck for a couple hours because.

57:08No, no, doing a deck, put it, having to like take all my ideas and like put them into something is like really hard for me. Cause it's like, oh, I have to like sit and organize this when it's like all in my head, you know, like it's more, I work really well creatively and very quickly when I'm with people and we're bouncing ideas. Okay. Interesting. So do you, as it relates, this is going back to the beginning of our conversation, how do you structure your day? Do you sit down for a certain period of time and work on something and then stop when that time limits up and then move on to something else?

57:48I'm kind of all over the I am and I'm not all over the place I you know we do drop off at 9 a.m half the time I've worked out already if not I love to go I love to do like a quick workout after drop off so I'll go on a walk I'll get my steps in or I'll do Pilates and then one thing I would like to change is like and I don't need to I have this idea in my head that I should put like an outfit on and like do my hair and makeup, but it's like, I'm just sitting at my desk. So I'm in my workout. Where's that idea come from? You think that it would motivate you more? I feel like it would motivate me more, but I also, it would allow me to like create more content.

58:30Here's what I wore today. Here's what my makeup looked like today. You know, and I think give the people what they want type of stuff, like per, you know, performs really well. And I don't have like a lot of content right now in that way. You know, people love the shiny stuff as much as they love the deep stuff. So I sit down and then, you know, I'll always look at my calendar the night before to see what I have going on. Like this week, all my LPA meetings were virtual. Sometimes they are in our office, which I love. And so I try to make it, if I have like podcasts and I'm driving to the other side of town, that I'll stack the podcasts and take like calls on the drive to and from because it's a fucking hour and I just hate like a wasted hour.

59:14It's two hours of the day. You're also very good at keeping in touch with your friends and calling them on the phone or FaceTiming them. That I should do less of during the day. You feel like you're overextending yourself a little bit? No, I just will be like, fuck, I just chatted for 30 minutes and like I could have gotten this thing done, you know? Yeah. And then a lot of the time I'm sitting in prairie light my candle and I chew on my Neuro gum and I drink water and I sit up, I go downstairs for lunch. lunch I'll pick up Carmela and then which kind of like really cuts my day if I'm in like a work if I'm in like a workflow or a meeting my mom or the nanny will go get Carmela I don't want to ask my mom to do that kind of stuff but you know what the other day she took her and then they got ice cream her favorite which is really hard for my mom to do because just heard the physically physically that and I was so shocked by that that's the stuff that also makes me sad is like I thought I could see where my mom, it's very easy to not engage with Carmela because she's not trying to engage with you.

1:00:17And she loves to just like play by herself. So all the things that I thought that my mom, I think thought that she was like, we'll go to lunch together and we'll do this thing and we're going to, you know, she'll run into my room and we'll have like our little secrets we do together and our secret chocolate stash or she and I go get our ice cream. Like she couldn't do any of that with her, you know? And so, you know, that made me sad for both of them. But when the fact that she took her to get ice cream the other day, I was like, that was huge. How'd she say it went? Good. I was like shocked that she, it was so cute.

1:00:53And then I'll have lunch with Carmela and Carlo. And then after lunch, her therapist comes and then he takes a nap and then I come back upstairs and work and I work until five. And do you work off a to-do list, like a weekly to-do list and you pretty much have your days mapped out of what you need to do each day? And sometimes when too much time passes where I haven't done something, then I'll be too scared to do it again. So now I'm like, I'm like, what do people want to see? But then it's like, I just need, once I get into the flow, then it's like, no big deal. I'm coaching a couple of people right now who are, have ADD and have gone off their meds and are trying to develop the habits to focus and be productive.

1:01:36And like anything worth doing, it's a practice, right? And so it's the stimulation and the initiation. That's the challenge for people with ADD, like finding another stimulation. So if you can stack it with another habit that you know you're going to do, or also just 20 minutes in the morning. It can, you can start at 20 minutes to the Pomodoro timer. You can go up to 50 and work on something for that whole time. Move your body before, get your blood flowing, do a visualization of you doing the goal and how you'll feel once it's accomplished. And then you sit down, you get that rep in, you focus, no distraction, put your phone in the other room.

1:02:17If you can't have the self-control to not pick it up while you're sitting there during that time. And then when the timer's up, you stop. Cool. Even if you're feeling in the flow, you have to stop. Why? Because I, well, and I was listening, this was in the telepathy tapes. They were talking about like, even if you're getting a download or you feel like that creative idea is coming through you, you need to stop. Otherwise it can go away. Oh yeah. I remember her saying that. So crazy. But even from what I've learned from some of my coaches, it is to maintain focus. And what you're building at the end of the day, especially for people with ADD is self-trust.

1:02:59Yeah. Because also then you're not hyper-focusing and then you trust that you're going to come back to it. Well, and then you're setting a precedent like, oh, if I can't focus for four hours, even off my meds, then I'm not doing enough. I'm not being productive enough. So it's just getting that rep in, building that confidence back up, that belief that you can be productive off your meds. That's the work, right? And then figuring out the stimulation initiation hack that works for you and continuously. What's a habit stack that you have seen people use? James Clear talks about, yeah, in Atomic Habits.

1:03:32So like if you're, for example, I have my clients do morning pages and do the 10 minute brain dump before you have your coffee. You know, you're going to have your coffee. You're not going to skip that. So if in order to get the morning pages done, you stack it with your coffee to get it done beforehand. I like stacking therapy and walking. It's great. Well, and it's two birds, one stone, just like calling someone in the car when you're driving across town. I wish I had, I have a walking treadmill. I wish I could walk. I'm not going to do it, But I would love a scenario where I'm like walking and typing, but then I got to get the whole thing.

1:04:08It's such a big fucking setup. It is a thing. Yeah. That I think it's also good for me to get my steps in while I'm not on a computer or something. Like to be off a screen, I think. To be out in nature and to simply observe. I have one of my teachers. Walking is so meditative. I'll walk 20 minutes and over and over just say, to be blessed, to bless. each foot to be blessed to bless to be blessed to bless it's very simple if you're doing that and you're being conscious of your breathing you can solve a lot of shit in your head you know like you can really get into a deep meditative state and then come back from that and try to sit down and the open app is really good with that yeah you love that i haven't tried that as much great app i have a meditation practice that i learned a long time ago now it's vedic meditation but i have a teacher and I have a mantra.

1:05:01What's your mantra? You're not supposed to say your mantra out loud to anyone else. It's more of a sound. I wish you were drunk at a party in high school right now and watching a video of you saying, I can't tell my mantra. Okay. I was, I was wondering, I was thinking of some questions, other questions to ask you, because at the end of the day, your listeners really just want to hear more about you. Okay. But what we've already been talking for an hour. So it could be something recent or a long time ago. What's the most embarrassing thing that you've ever done?

1:05:34Oh my God. What was the, I was thinking about something the other day. I couldn't even, it like gave me the whole heebie jeebies. What was it? It was so embarrassing that it gave you the heebie jeebies. Yeah. It was like, oh yeah. Cringe. Like full cringe. Fuck. What was it? I've had some pretty epic falls. Yeah. You know, I haven't had that many. I just fell in Mexico. But no one saw it, unfortunately. Oh, my God. It's always better. And this is obviously me sober. Oh, my God. I'm revealing a pretty bad shinner. I wasn't paying attention. I just slipped on the steps. Embarrassing. And Davide is always like being embarrassed in front of me.

1:06:20It's like insane because I'm your husband. I've like watched you give birth. But there were two things. Oh, like pooping during birth or farting? Well, farting, and I never talk about it. Just to maintain some level of mysteriousness and sexiness. Yeah, he doesn't mean to hear me fart. I like put on a pretty nightgown. This is interesting because so many friends are split on this. I have a lot of friends who love farting in front of their partners. It's like a comedic relief. When I was giving birth to Carlo, he was sunny side up and he was like stuck. Not in a serious way, but he wouldn't come down.

1:06:54and they couldn't call the doctor in until he was like in a position where I could push him out. So this little sweet nurse named Lily put her entire fucking arm. It looked like when you see like a video of somebody like on a farm who like puts their whole arm inside a cow to like help position the fucking, to like grab the fucking legs. Well, like she was like elbow deep in my fucking pussy. And she was like, push towards my hand, like push towards my hand. And the room is just like silent and it's my mom and Davide. And every time I'm pushing, I'm ripping fucking ass. And I never fart or talk about it.

1:07:26And you're so gassy when you're pregnant. You're extra gassy when you're hooked up to Pitocin and all this shit. Where you're like, don't look at me. I said, you guys need to leave. The room? Yes. I said, you guys have to leave. I can't push anymore. And then Davide was like, then he went to Lily and he was like, Lily, can we talk outside? And he was like, what can we do? Because he was taught to advocate for me when I'm uncomfortable. But it was just about farting. It wasn't anything serious. you know? And so she looked at me, she said, how many babies have you delivered? And she said, that's what I thought.

1:07:56Let me do my job. He's like, she's uncomfortable because she's farting. She doesn't want you to hear it. Like that's a you thing. You know, it was like this cute little battle that they had. And then most recently, a few months ago, we were coming home from a party and I didn't realize how drunk I was. And I remember the whole party. I remember reading the license plate of the Uber being like, oh, that's our Uber. It's like GHJ, like totally had it together. Two blocks fucking Pat. Like we leave Chateau Marmont by the time I got to fountain, I was like, I don't feel good. Oh my God. I don't feel good.

1:08:31The Uber driver had hospital grade puke bags in his center console and handed me a fucking puke bag. And I pissed. Wow. I puked in an Uber at 40. Did you feel relieved after or did you go home and puke more? What did I do? I can't remember the last time I threw up from drinking. But I can't remember either. Yeah. I can't. I'm an adult person. What did you drink? Martinis. But I didn't really have dinner. Yeah, that can do it. And then I was being, I was like kind of nervous for the event. Because it was like a big kind of deal event. Do you get nervous for stuff? No, I just think I haven't. I mean, I was so social for so long.

1:09:14And I used to go to so many events. And I don't go to fucking anything now. and I don't want to at all. Why? I'm tired. I don't care. Sure. You know, and it would be better for my career if I was, you know, I get invited to like cool shit. I have an automatic response on my thing, on my email that says, I'm so grateful that to be included in the conversation. I know how important events are and how much work you put into throwing these events. I cannot be somebody who works out, gets my work done and is present for my children and also goes out all the time. Right. And so, and you still go out all the time.

1:09:49I go, I'm very social, but I go out to dinners with my friends and I hang, I have quality time, social quality time with people. Right. And versus just going networking and I need to be networking more and I need to, I also like LA is like a weird thing. Cause like when you walk into a space in LA, everyone stares at each other. That doesn't happen in New York. I'd be going out a lot more if I lived in New York. Right. I believe that. And so different, but I was a little like, okay, like I am now starting to feel like I'm older at these things. And like, there's a bunch of like cool young girls and I was like really chatty and like was so chatty and like uppy the whole night that I didn't realize that like, and I bombed and then I got home and I did my like hangover cure and I was like pretty fine the next day.

1:10:35Before we end, I want to ask you what's your favorite word in English that Davi says oh god i don't know how to pronounce it without it can't do it justice uh say it say it in english and then try to do squirrel squirrel let's hear you try to say it well now he can say it too which is annoying because like we would pee our pants and it's like it was like screw oh i can't do it and we do a great impersonation it was just like a sound but also air oven and air. So no words start with an H in Italian. Oh, interesting. So hair is air. But then my mom and I are always like, if you don't pronounce H's, then why do you call oven?

1:11:25Hoven. Yeah, that's great. But hoven, air, hair, somehow oven sometimes sounds like that. He mixes up those three things. I'm also dying because, and I have to read these to you because I was talking to Abby who is on the way to Mardi Gras in New Orleans right now in a church van with 10 people, 5 couples, no kids. How long is that a full cooler? 7 hours from Atlanta. That's a lot. I'm jealous that she's going to Mardi Gras. I told her I was going on a walk with you and we were going to do a pod and asked her if she had any questions. No way! Yes. And I just have to read you the list of her questions because they're so Abby.

1:12:11And I can't even believe what this first question is because obviously. Do you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert?

1:12:22Was she serious? I guess. I was like, how does she not know the answer to that? Extrovert. Yeah. Duh. You have wonderful friendships, she says. Probably more than you can count. how do you stay connected or maintain them i talk to my friends all the time you talk to your friends all the time you pour a lot of invest time into your i do too what's your superpower manifesting what's your secret to that i think it's like uh i just always been able to but it means i can manifest bad things do you feel like you were able to manifest from a young age yeah Were you aware? At what age did you become aware of that power?

1:13:03When I learned about manifesting is. How old were you? We're like 14. Wow. I definitely wasn't thinking about manifesting. My senior year of high school, I was like on the level that I am now with like being trusting in the universe, letting everything happen as it's supposed to, like knowing that I'm being called for something, listening to my intuition, being really good about working out. Like I was like, I was before I met my ex-boyfriend who I met when I was 18 and he fucking ruined my soul. I wrote him some, I wrote, I finally wrote him. When? Like four days ago. No. And he hasn't, I don't have any of his contact information.

1:13:43So I sent it to him on Instagram and I, he hasn't fucking read it. Wait, what did you say? I said, you fucking destroyed me. Wow. I said, because he said he was like at a party and someone like my name came up and he's like, yeah, I used to date her. But like now she doesn't want me to talk to her because she's got this like Sicilian husband. And I was like, way to fucking manipulate the truth into you looking some fucking type of way. By the way, we didn't date. You used me when I was 18 years old and introduced me to horrible people and drugs and put me in dangerous situations and like made me like treated my body like shit had no regard for me would go out all night and cheat on me and I would call him crying till five in the morning thinking he got like arrested because he was like a loser fucking graffiti writer and only now am I mad about it yeah it's interesting because after all these years because he's called you know he's done the steps so he'll call me and be like oh really you have not told me this yeah years ago he would call me like I'm on my 12th step I didn't know that.

1:14:51So he's sober. He's totally sober. Like really works the program. Good for him. Totally. And I love anybody who works the program. But like thinking that he like muddled. And so that relationship because he because I'd never been in love before and because he crushed my soul and like left me like vulnerable in like downtown New York. Like, I went on, he sent me on a spiral of self-destruction for like a decade. That would not have happened if my first boyfriend at 18 years old was like a nice, loving person. And I said, by the grace of God, I ended up marrying one of the best people on the planet.

1:15:34But you were a pig. Do you think you manifested him? A pig. That boyfriend? Yeah. You know, I don't know. it was so funny because I wasn't such a good place and we like met on like MySpace and he went to the same college I was going to. I remember the whole thing. And seemed like such a lovely guy, you know, and, but he was so gross. So gross. I'm going to read the rest of Abby's questions. Please. What drains you the fastest?

1:16:10this is going to go back to this being like a preventable thing that I don't need to absorb and it comes back to the phone. Let's I'm going to coach you on this off the pod. I will see someone post a video about anything and I will see a comment that someone makes that is just so narrow-minded, lacks all critical thinking, is mean, lacks any context, and it makes me sad. Someone DM'd me this morning and said, why haven't you spoken up about the Epstein files? Is it because the powers that be in your life will take away the money that pay for your services for your child. Whoa. And I wrote back and said, this is shameful.

1:16:57This was a shameful statement on your end. And I have posted about it. And by the way, like you, what did I say back? I said, yeah, I said, I said, I said, why are, does my child have, also if you're wanting to speak about the Epstein files, because you're like, we all are disgusted, especially over like the pedophilia involved and then you're bringing out my four-year-old fucking daughter like that's not protecting women and girls do you get dms like this rarely okay that's reassuring some hope in humanity well i was just saying this to to your mom earlier when she was in the room but after i came on your podcast last time i had several discovery calls with people who were interested in coaching.

1:17:47And they were all so lovely and they adore you. It's mostly just lovely, lovely people. It was amazing. Every single person. And I ended up coaching a handful of those people and I love them all. Read the rest of Abby's question. What's a habit you're proud of? My nighttime routine with Carmela. Tell me, what is it? It's so cute. She gets so cozy in her PJs. I like make the lighting a certain way. I give her, she has to, you know, autistic kids don't produce melatonin the same way other people do. So we wind down with melatonin and then we get in bed and we read her two favorite books right now and I'll take out the books and she like runs into bed and starts laughing and gets cozy.

1:18:29What are the books? The Rabbit Listens and Goodnight Moon. Can't wait till it's Everybody Breathes in Dreams. I know, same. Shout out to Witten Sarah's book. And then I give her a foot massage with magnesium lotion. And she like loves that. I'd love you to come over and do that for me. It's a really, and then we give her back and she goes, scratching Carmela's back. Cause she can't say, give me back. Will she fall asleep while you're in there? No, when I leave, she falls asleep, but I scratch her back. And then last night. Scratching her back. Will you say to her, like, you can say, you can tell mommy, give me back scratches.

1:19:02Like how often do they tell you not to do that? Yeah. I can't do that. Cause it makes her feel pressure and then she doesn't perform. So I have to feed off of what she's giving me. Yes. So if she's saying scratchies, then I'll say scratching Carmela's back. And then, and then she'll, she'll understand that I understood what she said. And then she'll say something and that's her learning to get pleasure out of back and forth conversation is what we're trying to engage in, but initiated by her. So, um, last night for the first time, I said, turn the page and she turned the page on the book. Wow.

1:19:34Usually she'll grab all of them or close the book or it's, you know, it's a fine motor skill and following directions. And she did it like three times. So what do they tell you in those moments to do? Celebrate? Yeah. I was like, look at you, look at you at the page. And she gets all like, like, I just get like really excited. And when she's excited, she gets excited. And she gives me lots of kisses and I play with her hair. And then we sing Twinkle Twinkle. And like, sometimes she'll like die laughing through Twinkle Twinkle. It's so cute. And then I walk out and I turn the light off and I close the door.

1:20:04and then I watch her, I'll open the camera and she just puts herself to bed. What time is that? Seven. Seven? Between seven and 7.30. What time does Carlo go to bed? At seven. Oh my gosh. But sometimes they'll like be like peak zoomies. And then David and I will say, they're not ready. And so, you know, then we'll let Carlo. But then like, you know, inevitably what I noticed is like, and it's, it's so fun, right? I don't want to like cut these like lovely life moments short, but sometimes he'll get zoomies. but then oftentimes like zoomies will end with like, we're too excited. So then he's like, stubs his toe or there's an accident or you trip.

1:20:38And then there's like a big, you missed your window to go to bed. And then he's, you know, it's a meltdown. So I'm like, I'd rather him go to bed on a good note than go to bed having a meltdown. Yeah. I get that. Where would you live with your family? If not Pasadena? Oh, Greenwich, Connecticut. Greenwich, Connecticut. Are you manifesting this? Yeah. I see that. I can see the house pretty clearly but just saying show me the timing that makes sense how does that fit into what you're building a baroncini perfectly because i'm gonna have seven vendors in sicily and i'm gonna have to go there more often getting to italy's with the car i don't know but also the thought of like leaving this house is like heartbreaking right so i'm just i'm like whatever happens is how i'm just open the door is open yeah you're in such a admirable i'm saying this as a mindset coach I'm saying it as your friend too your outlook is so strong right now and I can see that openness in you and I can see the work that you've done to release judgments and to overcome some of those insecurities and blocks that you have in order to get into that flow state and for so many of us the negative thoughts can be like velcro and stick to us our brains stick to them and the positive thoughts are like Teflon.

1:22:00They just slide right off and we need to reverse that equation, right? So that the positive thoughts are like Velcro and the negative are like Teflon. And it seems like that's where you're at. And I do, this is the work that I do with my clients to try to, you know, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. And so just changing your perception and how you perceive the world around you. And even in moments of stress, being able to zoom out and see the bigger picture and the choices that are available to you. But the stress is kind of like a finger in the ribs. It's all you can focus on.

1:22:33You get that myopic tunnel vision and you can't see anything else. You can't see that there's other opportunities around you and you just get hyper-focused on that. But you've learned over the years, I think innately you are this way. I mean, you're talking about manifestation in high school, you're able to do that and zoom out even in a moment, you know, so that it can change how you approach a situation. There's a foundational principle in the coach training program that I went to that says each moment describes who you are and gives you the opportunity to decide if that's who you want to be.

1:23:08And I find that so empowering because it's like in the moment, you're seeing yourself in third person and throwing your ego out the window. And in that moment deciding, okay, is this how I want to show up? If not, how can I pivot? And in just one moment, take a breath and choose a different approach to this situation. And that's so hard to do, but that's the practice, right? Of just having that in the moment, self-awareness. I think I've also had to do that in the moment a little bit more because Davide doesn't do it. Uh-huh. So we take Esther Perel always talks about roles, right? Like we all fall into roles and partnership.

1:23:45And that's definitely true. He's cute. Like he like, it's like when something happens to me or Carmela or whatever, he gets like blackout and there's full spiral. Yeah. Like, but think about what that costs you. And I think that comes up a lot in my coaching too, because the cost of that, just from an energetic standpoint to get back to equilibrium from that deficit of the spiral. It takes so much energy to get back there. But that passion that he has for things is what makes him so magic. It is. You know? So I always want to like help him for himself to not have like big reactions when I got my nose bit by the dog.

1:24:20Like I like led that hole. He must have just been dying. By the way, every other day we lay in bed and he'll touch it and he'll go, I was going to die. You have no idea when you are in pain. I can't even think about And I think he's blacked out. Me or Carmela. Carmela will like stab her toe and go like, and then move on from it. And he's like, do you think her toe is broken? And I was like, stop reminding her of what happened. She's moved on. He just wants all of his people to be like very safe. It's really cute. That is cute. Thank you. All right. Thanks for bringing me back on, girl. You should do this all the time.

1:24:57I love you. Love you.

1:25:03and that ladies and gentlemen concludes this week's episode of everything is the best I hope you enjoyed it please rate review subscribe all that stuff maybe leave a comment go ahead and follow me on instagram at pia baroncini and I hope you have a fabulous fabulous rest of your day love you ciao

1:25:30Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.