In short
The host explains why she loves being a mom and how she stays “sane,” focusing on reframing fear, avoiding fear-based parenting talk, building routines, and using mindset practices (autonomy, mastery, purpose). She also discusses guilt from anxiety during pregnancy, the impact of others’ fearmongering, and how she and her partner handle disagreements in front of their kids.
Guest backgrounds
No guests. It’s a solo episode by the host (Pia Barancini).
Key claims
Motherhood can be joyful even with special-needs challenges; negative motherhood “PR” is valid but should be balanced with positive perspectives. She argues parents should not let others’ “bullshit” become their own anxiety. She emphasizes partner alignment, sleep hygiene/sleep training, and respectful conflict management. She uses therapy-informed reframing (e.g., “flashlight” attention focus) and gratitude to reduce stress.
Notable examples
A party worker told her about a miscarriage; friends warned she’d “never sleep again”; she describes her partner redirecting a nurse who dismissed her. She describes her streamlined solo mornings with her kids, and reframing her partner’s Paris schedule meltdown into boundaries and priorities. She also discusses waking at 1–3am and using Wish Garden Sleepy Nights.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOEngaging with Solo Episodes
0:14 to 1:05
Discussion on listener preferences for solo episodes versus guest episodes.
“Okay, the numbers don't lie in you little angel pumpies.”
Motherhood: My Love and Challenges
1:05 to 2:15
Exploration of the speaker's love for motherhood and associated fears.
“I'm going to just talk about that for a second.”
Pregnancy Fears and Guilt
2:15 to 4:22
Reflection on the fears experienced during pregnancy and guilt related to anxiety.
“And then everybody's posting everything and everybody's a different thing, you know, whatever.”
Managing External Pressures
4:22 to 7:46
Navigating societal pressures and comments during pregnancy, and how to cope.
“It's not nice because when you tell someone you're pregnant, they'll tell you some fucked up shit.”
The Privilege of Parenthood
7:46 to 10:27
An insight into the speaker's reflections on privilege in motherhood.
“So we did this podcast and I was talking about that, how, you know, everybody had me scared shitless my first pregnancy and that, you know, everyone gets really scared of birth.”
The Joys and Challenges of Motherhood
16:52 to 22:28
Exploring the fulfilling aspects of motherhood and the reality of family dynamics.
“I see a certain mom who like will have a child and only talks about how difficult it is online and like only reposts things about how miserable they are or these like videos where parents are frazzled and crazy.”
Parenting Strategies and Personal Growth
22:28 to 28:00
Discussing effective parenting strategies and personal growth through challenges.
“And in the moments when I'm alone with the kids, which has happened, you know, my mom went out of town recently and then Dabba was out of town and I was like alone with the kids.”
The Joy of Motherhood and Growth
28:00 to 29:24
Explore the beauty of watching children grow and the evolving dynamics of family.
“You know, it's a good way to approach work.”
Healthy Conflict in Parenting
29:24 to 31:51
Learn about the importance of demonstrating healthy conflict resolution in front of children.
“And by the way, it's very healthy for your kids to see fights.”
Creating a Positive Home Environment
31:51 to 33:55
Understand how to maintain a positive atmosphere in the home while parenting.
“You can't let these little fuckers see your weakness.”
Show all 14 chapters
Practicing Mindfulness and Intentional Living
39:24 to 42:01
Learn how mindfulness and intentionality can enhance your parenting and personal life.
“Jones is FDA approved and available for those that are 18 or older.”
Navigating Overwhelm in Parenting
42:01 to 45:31
Learn strategies for reframing overwhelming situations into positive experiences.
“And it's like, I want to be intentional with what I am flashing my light on.”
Finding Gratitude in Challenges
45:32 to 49:28
Discover how gratitude can shift your perspective on parenting struggles.
“But I also do this with the kids because, you know, sometimes he'll get overwhelmed, get overwhelmed.”
The Three Keys to Happiness
49:29 to 51:28
Explore the three elements that contribute to happiness: autonomy, mastery, and purpose.
“So I hope that like, you know, it's hard every day to remember to be so grateful, but my God, does it change your life?”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00The following podcast is a Dear Media production.
0:14Okay, the numbers don't lie in you little angel pumpies. You really like my solo episodes. so two in a row are you kidding me but then I look at like Emma Chamberlain's podcast and she only does solos and then what else is confusing to me not confusing it makes sense we'll do podcasts that I think are so good with other guests and you guys don't care I'm like, what? Come on, you guys. I guess you just want to hear me yapping over here. Okay. I thought I'd cover two topics based on the questions that you angels submitted. I want to talk a little bit about my love of being a mother. I'm going to just talk about that for a second.
1:13And I think this is equally as important or maybe even more important to my ladies who are single and, you know, or people who don't have kids yet. I'm going to preface this. I'm going to tell you something. You guys wonder why I get nervous to say things. When I was pregnant with Carlo, I did a podcast with Dobby Day and I, we were talking about the difference in the two pregnancies. And this is very common, right? With your first kid, you're very nervous, you're really sensitive, you're reading a bunch of shit, you're scared, everything seems fucking insane. Insane, like beyond insane. And, you know, the second kid is a little less, you're a little more, you know, you got a little bit more fuck it in your system.
2:02And I really think that we are now like inundated with a lot of, no, I don't think, we're inundated with a lot of information in regards to parenting and children. And then everybody's posting everything and everybody's a different thing, you know, whatever. And thank God that we are able to shine the light on the hardships of motherhood because women were not allowed to do that for a very long time. So what a gift, right? But I will also tell you, I think there has been a great deal of like negative PR around motherhood lately. And by the way, that is valid. And those are valid experiences, but I want to tell you some positive stuff.
2:47And so in trying to keep with like the lightness of the topic, just to not instill fear in this podcast I did with Davide, we were talking about the difference in the pregnancies. I spoke about the great deal of fear that I had with Carmela. And I have a lot of guilt around that fear because while Carmela has a genetic mutation that, you know, we do not carry on our family, it was sporadic. I have some guilt around the extreme nervousness and anxiety I had while I was pregnant and the effects that that had on her. Because while I see neurologists and geneticists and functional medicine doctors and, you know, a pediatrician in Santa Monica, who's incredible, like while I see very science-based doctors, cause I believe in science, I also see a lot of fucking woo-woo people because you know what, let's fucking go.
3:47Like I'm just trying to do whatever I fucking can. And a couple people that I have seen, like have, you know, been doing work on me and Carmela or her and have looked at me and said, did you have a lot of stress in your pregnancy with her? Her soul was clearly meant to be an empathic, sensitive angel. And her being in my womb and feeling the fears that I had, she was very sensitive to it. And I feel guilt for it. And I will tell you that a lot of that fear came from the fucking bullshit that the people around me said. It's not nice because when you tell someone you're pregnant, they'll tell you some fucked up shit.
4:35Like even when I was pregnant with Carlo, we had a party here and I couldn't even, you know, I was like a 10 or 11 weeks, but I popped and I have a belly and I hide it really well, but I have no problem showing it. I've been thinking lately, I need to like show my belly on Instagram because I've had PCOS since I was fucking 10. And so, you know, I store fat in my lower belly area. So being bloated from pregnancy and then, you know, my uterus expanding from pregnancy and then having that cute little chunk on my tummy made me look very pregnant, like right away. It was really crazy. And so I couldn't hide it.
5:10And I was trying to, but I was in the comfort of my home. And one of the people who was working on the team that was doing the food for said party looked at me and I was like, yeah, I'm pregnant. And she said, I hope you're not telling anybody my friend just had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. And I was like, why the fuck would you tell me that? You know? And by the way, do I think people have bad intentions? No. And understanding that most people are good makes me wake up feeling like I don't want to blow shit up every day. Right. So that's, I operate from that. You know, I let that, I let that roll off my back, but I still sometimes think about like, damn, like, did you need to say that?
5:51And so imagine like, like whatever, you know, I am a adult who can handle anything that comes towards me. I handled that well, you know, I I obviously have had miscarriages before, so it's not anything I didn't know. It was just something I didn't need to hear in the comfort of my home from somebody that I really like, but it's okay. And she didn't mean it, but people say shit like that. And so when I was pregnant the first time, I mean, I had like a friend of mine who I remember like him flat out being like, you're never going to sleep again. Like soak it up. You know, that's like you get a lot of that.
6:33You get it. You hear a lot of, you know, fear mongering around the hospitals and horrible things that happen when you go down like a medical K hole with them giving you all these drugs and this and that and too many interventions and that can ruin your child. So then you go into a tangent of all I want to have a home birth. And then, you know, I opened tick tock and here's a story from a woman whose child died during her home birth. And she would, it's like, you just go with your gut and you do your best. You know, it's, everyone's doing their best. I don't, I don't believe in one thing is better than the other.
7:05It's, it's all very, it's a lot. So I was inundated with fucking horrible shit and I was scared and I would cry and I would sit at dinner with my mom and David and I would say, I do not know how I'm going to carry this workload and have a baby. and that was more so from like what people were telling me. I was questioning my own abilities and I was questioning what I know to be true, which is that I am able to handle anything that comes out me and things always work themselves out always. So by the way, just advice for me is like, don't let anybody's bullshit be your bullshit. Okay. Because whatever gets thrown your way, you're going to be able to handle it.
7:46And let's just try to manifest the best outcomes. So we did this podcast and I was talking about that, how, you know, everybody had me scared shitless my first pregnancy and that, you know, everyone gets really scared of birth. And I said to Davide, I'm not scared of giving birth this time. And that clearly entered some group of mothers who became outraged that I made that statement and that I was selfish and not considering what is to be very true, which is that a lot of Black women have horrible experiences in the hospital because we very much know it to be true that Black women's feelings are dismissed often.
8:30We just saw it go viral on the news a couple weeks ago that a Black woman had to give birth outside because she was sent home from the hospital when she was in active labor. So, you know, I was majorly attacked for this. I meant that I'm not scared of birth. I didn't mean I'm a confident white person who is going to have a really good experience. That's not what I meant. I meant I'm not scared of birth the same way I'm not scared, which everybody asked me, of having a second child if they will also have a disability. The same way I'm not scared of getting in my car every day. I know that things are statistically true for, you know, that I have a great deal of privileges like a white woman that walks on this planet.
9:21Like, I think that's all. I think we can like assume at this point that, you know, where my morals and values stand. I was speaking from the perspective of I'm not scared. Like I'm not waking up having anxiety every day about giving birth. I'm not doing that to myself or my child because Davide has been prepped extensively on making sure that I am heard, that if a nurse isn't listening to me, and by the way, he was so trained on this because of people making me so scared about it that he did it at the hospital. It was actually really cute. I was having a moment and I felt like nobody was listening to me and Davide pulled the nurse aside and he said, I don't think you're listening.
10:03And she looked at him and said, how many babies have you delivered? And he said, none. And he literally looked at her and he said, you need to be quiet. I know what I'm doing. And like, let him have it. And he like came back in the room with his tail between his legs, but he did a good job. He did what he was supposed to do. But anyway, so I haven't spoken up about my love of being a mother because I understand that there's a great deal of privilege that comes with it. But I have recently said that I enjoy being a mother and I was overwhelmed with the amount of messages that I have received. And I have my, you know, your ability to respond to my stories is turned off.
10:40So people like went out of their way to send me a message. I got, I got like a hundred messages of people thanking me and then the TikTok I did. So, you know, I think I'm going to talk about this while acknowledging that my perspective comes from a great deal of privilege. But I also will tell you, you know, if we're speaking about financial privilege, Davide grew up getting one pair of shoes a year and, you know, his mother on her deathbed would tell me that they couldn't afford meat. And she told me how she would make stale bread taste like meat and that they would have maybe one or two pieces and that she would split it amongst, you know, her three, she had six children, but there were three living at home, the three younger ones.
11:22And, you know, Davide speaks like with only fondness over his childhood and, you know, and, and reverence for how much his mother did and how much she loved being a mom. And he had, he misses his childhood. And so, you know, I think about that often about like how, you know, a lot of kids, a lot of kids don't, you know, I know a lot of people who talk about being unaware of, of, you know, how much money their parents didn't have. Anyway, this is all nuanced and everything. Everyone's experience is very different.
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15:35Hi, you guys. I'm Mackenzie Foltz. I'm a private investigator of 20 years. I'm Hannah Anderson. I'm a writer, comedian, and armchair sleuth who is not a PI, but I do know my way around Instagram. I can find anybody. Uh, close enough. Together we host The Dating Detectives, a true crime podcast about the scammers, con artists, and heartbreakers hiding behind your favorite dating apps. Every week we investigate real cases that are sent in by our listeners, and these are stories of matches that seemed perfect until, well, they weren't. We've had fake real estate moguls. We've had OnlyFans pimps. We dig through it all, the lies, we follow the money, and we expose the truth.
16:12And the truths are usually crazier than fiction. If you've ever texted good morning to someone who vanished by lunch, for instance, you're going to fit right in. It's true crime. It's heartbreak. It's a public service announcement for anyone with a Hinge profile. So before you swipe right tonight, make sure you've got your detectives on speed dial. The Dating Detectives. New episodes every Monday, wherever you get your podcasts.
16:51I will say, I see a lot of moms. Not a lot. Actually, I don't see a lot. I see a certain mom who like will have a child and only talks about how difficult it is online and like only reposts things about how miserable they are or these like videos where parents are frazzled and crazy. And, and, and I know that, that that is, can be very true. I would like you to operate from the perspective of like, if you have a partner who you have discussed at length, what parent hood looks like for you, and you are able to share responsibilities and come up with a plan of said responsibilities. And if you're aligned with your partner, what a gift, you know, and by the way, I know a lot of single moms who are fucking crushing, but I want to say like, I just love being a mom.
18:02And I know that some of you could say like, oh, you have help. And like your mom lives with you. Totally. I would like to not have help. You know, I have a lot of pressure to keep our family together financially. It's a lot of fucking pressure. And by the way, we're in this position because I didn't want to move to Italy. I made Davide give up his job there where he would have made a great amount of fucking money. And we would be in a town that does not cost a lot to live in. We'd be making great money for the very low cost of living. We would have August off. We would be in a very safe, beautiful place.
18:40Like it would have been an idyllic life and I didn't want it. And so I chose to take the harder route as did Davide so we could be close to my family. if you have the privilege of being able to live close to your family or having a family or have any family that can help you you know that's not by any means always the case but if you can it's very very helpful and we talked about the possibility of not having children we talked about you know that we would have to work a lot and you know what would it look like like and we chose to live with my mom, which by the way has is wonderful, but it's not for everybody.
19:21It took us years to adjust that. You have no fucking idea the fights that I have. I, a full other person lives here with like, I can't, I've never like had sex with my husband on our couch. You know what I mean? Cause my mom's here. Like she's downstairs. Like there'll be times where we'll like watch a movie with her and then come upstairs and I'm like, let's go. And he's like, we just watched like seeing it too with your mom. Like, I can't, like, it's hard to like switch on and off. Like it's definitely, and there will be times where Davide will be like, I'm so frustrated. I'm so frustrated. I'm so frustrated.
19:56And he will have to work through that and then come to me and be like, I just have to let it go. Like I can't let, you know, we, my mother is 75 years old. she's not going to change I don't want her to change I want her to feel loved that requires like a great my mom's an incredible woman I know a lot of people couldn't do it because they don't have moms that are as loving as my mom again this comes with a great deal of privilege but I can't live knowing that my mother is in a shitty little apartment that she's alone that she's been a caretaker for 40 years, that she, that, that gives her purpose, that she doesn't make meals for herself, that she is so not used to making plans with friends that like, she has best friends who live between like 30 minutes and an hour away from here that she hasn't seen in 10 years, because that type of woman doesn't make plans like that.
20:53My mom never like went out to dinner with her girlfriends. So like, we're here, like cooking her meals and taking us out and taking her on trips with us. And, you know, like we sit down every day, like it gives her, I think, I mean, from what I know to be so true, it's like people when they're older and they start to live alone, bad habits, you know, really start to form. Like a lot of things just can go like really downhill. I'm just like not willing, you know, I feel like she'd live alone for a while. And then I would go and like, see how she, and I don't want to undermine her, but I, I love her so much that And I'm just not willing to watch her live a life that doesn't.
21:35I don't want to like offend her, but like she puts herself last. I can't imagine her living alone and like me going over there and seeing that like her fridge isn't full or like being like, did you eat lunch today? You know, or like, did you leave that? Like, I just I think at some point I would be like, you need to move in with us. And then that would be a, it was like, let's do the harder thing now or do the harder thing later. And like, we love all living together. It's great. It's, and hopefully I can build her an ADU soon. We're working on that. I have to, like a lot of stuff needs to be done to this house that I'm working on and you know, everything's very expensive, but anyway, yes, my mom lives with me.
22:17So I've, I've never talked about how much I love because I can picture everybody being like, you have a husband and you have, but anyway, you know, I would rather be at home with my kids. And in the moments when I'm alone with the kids, which has happened, you know, my mom went out of town recently and then Dabba was out of town and I was like alone with the kids. Like I am, I love it. I'm a beast. Like there's not a dish out. I wake up, I burp the house. We turn on music. Carlo and I wake up Carmela with kisses. We go in the kitchen. I make them breakfast while I'm singing songs. I clean up after myself.
22:57I get them in cute outfits. We get the day started. We're at school early. There's almost too many cooks in the kitchen when everybody's here. And I'm so streamlined. It's like the bottle washer's on. The laundry's fucking going. Imagine what I apply to work. When I run my household, I'm in fucking heaven. Heaven. So that's like a happy place for me. But anyway, like I just need to stop giving excuses and just explain that I like being a mom. My kids are so joyful. I have such an amazing understanding understanding of the world and faith and love and like the reason behind every beautiful piece of writing and every love song, like in every fear that a mother has that like, you know, it's also healthy to be fearful of your kids.
24:03And, you know, I think that's like a great thing to be scared to lose what you have. Right. And I am in awe of my children. And I'll tell you what I think we are doing. That is very healthy. Number one, like I said, we had a very clear vision of what parenting looks like. We, every time we would leave hanging out with our friends or their kids, we would talk about like, did you like how, you know, did that feel good? Like, what did you like that so-and-so did? Like, we always will be like, Oh, I love when, you know, Sarah and Patrick, like my friend, a lot of my friends, I love how they parent their children.
24:42And so, you know, I'll be like, Oh, I really loved how so-and-so handled, you know, that situation or like, Oh, did you hear how cool that was when the kid didn't do this? But then, you know, Patrick said, well, Hey, you know, like, like getting into like problem solving with your kids and knowing it's like an opportunity for them to become better people and like mind fucking them into like choosing the right thing is like a really cool part of parenting, which I like really love. We knew we wanted to sleep train. We knew we wanted kids that had really good sleep hygiene that had routine, you know, like I'll, I'm now the one that's like, let them stay up a little bit later.
25:20They're not ready. And David is like, Nope, you know, we got to be asleep. Like it's a school night. And like, I love that about him. Like, I love the sternness of the routine and that sometimes they can go give him kisses and it melts him. But at the same time that he's going to be like that pillar of strength for our family to like, keep us on track. I find it very attractive. I love how, like, you know, when we are all together, like Davide will have moments where he'll just look at me and be like, I love that you're the mother of my children, you know? And same thing with him. Like, I love the way he plays with our kids or the way he talks to them, how he tells Carlo every day, mama brava, Mama Grande.
25:59Like, you know, he really explains to Carlo all day long how much he needs to love his mom and how women are the most important thing in the world. I'm excited for Carlo to be a good shining little star. It's fun. Like I like the chaos of it. I love waking up to them in the morning. I love throwing them in bed. I love seeing them at the park with their friends. I love it's like it's all just like I'll be up here working on my computer and like Carlo makes his way up here and he goes, hi. And he like sits on my lap. And I think, you know, I love not just saying no to him all day long because now he's into fucking everything.
26:36And so every time he like does something, I love discovering a new way to parent him. Like, I don't want to just say no to him all day long and he's not going to respect me if I'm just saying no to him all day long. So like, instead of like yelling no at him, I'll say, okay, it's time to close the drawer. And he loves, they like to accomplish things. So like if he takes something out and like messes something up, I'll be like, okay, we made a mess. Like now it's time to clean it up. Can you put that away for me? And he just gets so excited to like accomplish that task and like do something good for me.
27:07And it teaches him to clean up. Like there's just like little moments that you can lose your fucking mind over all day long, or you can choose to approach with lightness and brevity. And did things get hard. Oh my God. Yes. Of course things get, I mean, I have a special needs child and a boy, you know, and, and I just, I'm very calm and content and I feel good about how I respond to them. And I look for the joy in things. And I love hanging out with my friends and their kids. I love us all going to the park together. Like, you know, I love watching my friends become parents. I'm so inspired by them and how happy they are and how cool their kids all are.
27:49Like, it just doesn't have to be this thing where your response to everything that happens is like, oh, another thing. And this is such a good way to live life. You know, it's a good way to approach work. It's a good way to approach your relationships. It's a good way to approach getting cut off when you're driving and not letting it destroy your fucking day. Like, I don't let the kids destroy my day. I feel like I've never been more of myself. I can't wait to have another one. That's going to be insane, but it just feels really right. And it feels exciting. And Carmela's already approaching five.
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28:27She's like a little person. I think when it'll get hard is what I talked about with one of my best friends today who has been my best friend since like eighth grade. She has three kids and they're much older than my kids. You know, we're the same age and I'm, you know, hopefully having another one. Her kid's already 10. She has three. And I was like, wow, what's this age like? Cause now they're all like little people. They're like eight, 10 and five, I think, you know? And, and she's like, yeah, this is their personalities are coming out and you can't like, you know, you have to be very attentive to what they say.
29:00So they feel heard and you're not, they all have like really individual needs and some of them are sensitive and they have schedules and these things and that. And it's just, but it's like so beautiful because you're watching your child grow into a person. And I just feel like, you know, my body has changed, but like, I don't care. I feel hotter than I've ever felt. and it, I can say the same for a lot of the people that I've met. And so I think like the law of attraction, I've just like applied to being a mother and it's worked because I think when you go down this rabbit hole of like, everything sucks and this is awful and it just keeps going that direction.
29:53And I will tell you something. I think it's really important to not... And by the way, it's very healthy for your kids to see fights. It's very healthy for your kids to see parents work through problems. No, David and I obviously will have major points of contention or like arguments in front of the kids, but we have also agreed to not speak to each other in a certain way, to not raise our voices constantly. Of course, a fight will happen and like, we will raise our voices. Is that something that happens all the time? No, we speak to each other with respect. Like there will be times where we'll be in the front seat of the car and we're like, the kids can't hear what we're saying because they talk like that and they feel it.
30:37And, you know, I don't know. I think Carla was like six months old and he was laughing and having like such a good time. And I looked at Davide and I said, do you think this is his personality or do you think his person, like how much of this is like nature versus nurture? Do you think that he's happy because we're happy? And he was like, he's happy because we are happy because he only sees joy. You know, of course there are moments where we fight or there's moments. And by the way, like, you know, if we fight, like Carmela will get upset and it's like sad, but it's okay. It's like good to see mommy and daddy, like work through things.
31:09But that is not like, we really go out of our way to make sure that like, we are not using language in front of them or snapping at each other or disagreeing. Or like, what's really important is like, if I say like, oh, let's go do this thing. And he'll be like, well, I don't think you should do that. Like we agreed always that if we are going to have disagreements about how a parent, how a child should be parented in a moment that we are not disagreeing in front of them. Once they see your weakness and they can see that you're not divided, they don't know who to trust and they don't care. And they're like, well, there's a workaround for that.
31:49Like they can't see your weakness. You can't let these little fuckers see your weakness. So like if Davide does something that I don't agree with, I am not bringing that up in front of the kids. Like when we are alone, I will say, Hey, like, you know, and by the way, because we've discussed that it doesn't happen very often. I think also what gets really uncomfortable is like sometimes, and this again is very normal. If you're like out with another couple or out with your kids and like you get snappy with each other, it like creates this like awkward tension. again, it's very normal, but I see it become very common with certain people where they're just like so much contention over like everything that's happening with the kid.
32:33And you just, it's like sucks the joy out of everything for everybody. And it's just like, woof, like the kid's uncomfortable. The parents are uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable. Like things are awkward. I don't know what to say. So like, I will choose in those moments if like Dobby day says something or like handle something with the kid and we're in front of people, like I'll get in the car and I'll be like, Hey, you didn't mean it. But like when you did blah, blah, blah, or you like undermine me, or when you said this in front of the kid, like, please don't do that moving forward. And if I approach him like that with love, but as he does with me, he'll be like, you're right.
33:08I'm so sorry. I absolutely didn't realize I was doing that. And I'm like, thank you so much. Let's just, you know, we'll move on. And it's like, it's such a different way to live. It gains respect. I'm not trying to win a fight. Because if you approach someone with like a shitty attitude, even if you're really mad, you're going to kind of, you know, people get defensive. By the way, are there moments where I'm like, I'm going to fucking kill you? Duh. That's like totally normal. Of course. But I think I just try to breathe like brevity and lightness into a lot of these situations and bring joy to it.
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39:36I've learned the last like 15 years, I think that like how I want to live, how I want the world to treat me is a practice. And I've been learning a lot of this through my therapist, which is, you know, how do I want to be in this world? And now I'll talk to you. is like going to be like part two of loving being a parent is like coming from like me being like my best self. Right. So what I have like down for work right now, I'll give you like a work example. I get really distracted and I will get on my phone or I'll get on Instagram and I'll look at TikTok and like I have mountains and mountains of work to do.
40:14Right. So every day, like I wake up and I like set my intention for the day, that little practice of just getting up, having awareness, looking at my, Davide and I say good morning to each other every morning. Buongiorno. And he gives me a kiss before either one of us get out of bed. Like if I'm kind of moving around and he's awake, he's like, buongiorno or like vice versa. You know, you just want to like greet your partner. It just sets the tone. And I close my eyes. He doesn't even know that I'm doing it. And I just say to myself, this is going to be a great day. I can handle anything that's coming my way.
40:49And I take a deep breath. If I really want to get into it, I'll do some prayer work or I'll pull out a notebook. But like, oftentimes I don't have time for that. You know, like, let's be realistic. But just this moment of settling in. So now I do that. I try to do that like all day long. Close my eyes when I'm about to write a big email or when I need to like put a deck together or when I need to get some inspo together or when I need to get on a call that I think is going to be, you know, something I need to focus for. I am very distracted. I have lot of ADD. So I can't just be pulled in a million different directions and like feed into the chaos.
41:27I need to pause, take a breath, put my hand on my heart, realign and focus. And what my therapist said, which is really, really fucking cool. He said, imagine being in a dark attic and it's filled with stuff, but you have a flashlight. Wherever you're pointing the flashlight is what you are seeing. That's what I try to think all day long is like, what am I pointing my flashlight at? Like I'm in charge of where that flashlight goes. I'm going to flash it on what I want to focus on. So I pretend that my eyeballs and my brain is a flashlight. And it's like, I want to be intentional with what I am flashing my light on.
42:11This comes down to like having, you know, focused in our brains. And by the way, having a daughter that I pretty fucking much think can read my fucking thoughts, like what I have to be, you know, I'm kind of like forced, it's forced me to be very cognizant of what I'm thinking and like not having fears and not being negative, not having negative self-talk and not creating chaos for her and her little brain. Right. So it's been very helpful because we all have an intrinsic drive, but we just have to fix our habit patterns and we need resourceful thoughts and we need to understand like what fulfills us.
42:57And this comes down to also how I speak to myself. So if I say like, well, I need to do this or I have to, it becomes an obligation and obligation is not fulfillment. So I have to trick myself into how I accomplish my tasks. They aren't things that I need to do. Even the other day, like Davide was getting really overwhelmed on his last day in Paris because he had a lot of fucking meetings. He had four suitcases in a tiny room. He's bringing these suitcases back and forth from the boat that he rented as a showroom. He's there alone. He doesn't have any help doing this. The last night, he had like three conflicting meetings, people that were all there at the same time that live internationally that he really needed to spend time with.
43:40And then he had one of his best friends in town from who's was also there for work from Sicily, who he never sees, who he like really needed to see because it was something that really like fulfills him. But because it felt like an obligation, he started having a meltdown and he was texting me. He's like, I'm being pulled in a million different directions. Like, I don't know what to do. I'm really frustrated. I haven't even had time to myself. I can't collect my thoughts. and I wrote to him and I said, let's reframe all of this. What a gift to be so wanted by so many people. Let's do a quick gut check of what's important.
44:18You know, this person that wants to see you is going to be in LA in two weeks. You've also spent a lot of time with them this week that you are allowed to tell this person wholeheartedly that you, you know, that you have things that are in people to see meetings to do meetings to have that you can only do tonight. And so thank you so much. I'm so happy we spent so much time together this week, but I will see you in a couple of weeks. There, you know, we just like one by one. I was like, what are the chances you think that this meeting with this person is going to lead to anything? Great. So why don't you go stop by with that person, set a boundary there, say, I can absolutely come and meet you, but I have to do, you know, I can only, I have, I have a hard out with what it up.
44:59And And then I said, by the way, the second that you're with your friend, you're going to, you guys are obsessed with each other. The second that you're with him, you're going to be so happy to be there. Pick a restaurant that's in between where he is, where you are. So you don't have to go to the other side of town because traffic in Paris is fucking insane. It was too cold for a line bike. Boom. Then guess what? He reframed his mind. He reclaimed the evening. Everything felt like it was fulfilling him. He had a great meeting. he went to dinner with his bestie in a great fucking mood because he didn't you know because he had a clear communication with the other things that he had going on he facetimed me with these fuckers dying laughing having the best goddamn time stayed up all night talking to that you know and it was a great you know besides his delayed flight the next day it was like a great close out to this trip and this is the practice and by the way you know sometimes you need a partner or a friend or someone or yourself to check you to, to redirect it.
45:55Cause life gets overwhelming. But I also do this with the kids because, you know, sometimes he'll get overwhelmed, get overwhelmed. And it's like, Oh, there's so much going on. And like, Carlo's crying and dah, dah, dah. Now I get to reframe it. Oh, this is going to make me emotional. You know, Carlo has been really whiny because he doesn't have words yet, but he knows everything he wants. So he's pointing and whining a lot. It gets annoying because he's constantly, and that's like, you know, this is a very, this is the exact appropriate milestone for 18 months. It can drive parents, you know, a little bonkers because all day long, it's, you know, if you take something away, there's a big reaction.
46:34And so, you know, I don't react to those big reactions. I say, I'm sorry, that's obsessed with, you know, we're going to go over here now. And by the way, if you change your mood really quickly, your kid will stop crying. They'll stop crying. They cry over fucking everything. This is why I don't understand when people are like, oh, when you sleep train your baby and they cry, By the way, you let them cry for two fucking seconds and you think that that is going to ruin them. They cry when you take a fucking knife out of their hand. Like all they do is fucking cry. You know why? Because they don't have any other way to communicate with you.
47:04So it's not taking a knife out of my kid's hand and letting them cry is not causing psychological damage the same way letting them become people, little people who self-soothe and get 12 hours of sleep, which is so detrimental to their wellbeing and whatever. Anyway, I'm going off. But I also understand that co-sleeping is like heavenly and gorgeous and amazing. And if you can do that and still be high functioning and you guys are all happy and sleeping well, and that's not causing exhaustion, which can affect your relationship with yourself, your husband, your kids, whatever, then do it. Amazing.
47:43Whatever makes everybody happy. Anyway, Carla's now whining all the time. So I had to reframe that to, I would do anything for Carmela to whine at me. And by the way, parents that want to conceive, they would do anything to have a whiny child. Children who, you know, I know parents who've lost their children, they would do anything to hear their kid whine. What a gift. What a gift. So when Carlo does this thing or it's, and Davide will come home from a long day of work and he'll look at me and go, is this normal? I say, it's so normal and we are so lucky. And that reminder just shifts everything very quickly.
48:27I do think that having a child with special needs has like grounded me in a really beautiful way and made me very grateful that, you know, she doesn't like that. She's not in a worse situation because her genetic mutation is really scary. And it can, you know, like I haven't connected with other parents who have the mutation because I think there's this natural like drive to compare neurotypical children and then like seeing the development or lack of development or amazing development that like someone else is making that has like a neurodivergent child can be like really heartbreaking. It's like, why are they making that progress?
49:18And like my kid's not. And then, you know, these mutations are also on a scale around a spectrum. And there are kids with her mutation that like don't walk. So like, why am I going to fucking complain? Like, I'm so lucky. I'm so lucky. So I hope that like, you know, it's hard every day to remember to be so grateful, but my God, does it change your life? And so, you know, the positivity that I implement in my life on a daily basis has inched its way very beautifully into parenthood. And it's just been a really great experience. Oh, no. That I am endlessly thankful for. Okay. I hope that makes you happy.
50:12I'll tell you also and this with the three things and you can sit on this the three things that make people happy is autonomy mastery and purpose so if you feel like you are in control and there is like you know that manifests for me in like a schedule and creating boundaries and feeling heard and fulfilling, you know, doing things that are fulfilling to me, parenting a certain way, making, you know, I feel really good when I work out at six, you know, these things that, you know, my work brings me joy. I'm really lucky for that. So take some time to like, you know, I think we can, we still have time to think about what we still have much time to think about what 2026 looks like for us.
51:02I feel like at the end of January, I feel like we're all psyched up at the beginning of January. And then at the end of January, just kind of like goes down the shitter. And so I think this is like, should be like a monthly practice to be like, do I feel like I have autonomy? Do I feel like I have purpose? Do I feel like I have some mastery? Like, am I accomplishing things in the way that I want? Which by the way, you know, like when you say things like I have to, or I need to, it removes autonomy from situations. Right. So So just got to like mind fuck yourself a little bit into pure joy and happiness.
51:35And this applies to, by the way, like confidence, like fake it till you make it. Thank you so much if you're still listening. I also would love if you don't mind making a positive review on this podcast. That would mean the world to me. Thank you for listening. I love you guys all so much. And, you know, here's to more solos in 2026.
51:58And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes this week's episode of Everything is the Best. I hope you enjoyed it. Please rate, review, subscribe, all that stuff. Maybe leave a comment. Go ahead and follow me on Instagram at Pia Barancini. And I hope you have a fabulous, fabulous rest of your day. Love you. Ciao.
52:25Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
From the publisher
Hi my loves!! In this solo, I’m opening up about something I’ve tiptoed around for years: how much I genuinely love being a mother. I talk about choosing joy over fear, parenting with intention, navigating privilege with humility, setting boundaries with Davide, reframing overwhelm, and the little mindset tricks that help me stay grounded- even on the days when Carlo is whining nonstop and Carmela can basically read my thoughts. This one is equal parts vulnerable, practical, and rooted in what’s brought me the most happiness: autonomy, mastery, and purpose. I hope you enjoy!!
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