EBB 405 - Navigating Unexpected Turns in Pregnancy, Birth, and Postpartum with Emily Cook, EBB Childbirth Class Graduate and Preeclampsia Survivor

0:00Emily Cook: Hi, everyone. On today's podcast, we're going to talk with EBB childbirth class graduate Emily Cook about her birth story, including high blood pressure and a late preeclampsia diagnosis.

0:14Emily Cook: Welcome to the Evidence-Based Birth Podcast. My name is Rebecca Decker, and I'm a nurse with my PhD and the founder of Evidence-Based Birth. Join me each week as we work together to get evidence-based information into the hands of families and professionals around the world. As a reminder, this information is not medical advice. See ebbirth.com slash disclaimer for more details. Hi everyone. Today, I'm so excited to welcome Emily Cook to the podcast to share her birth story. Emily is a high school educator in Chicago and a woman of deep faith who always knew she wanted to be a mother, even though her journey into motherhood didn't follow a carefully mapped plan.

0:56Emily Cook: Giving birth at the age of 33 in a traditional hospital setting, Emily had entered pregnancy with both excitement and uncertainty, navigating high blood pressure for much of her pregnancy before ultimately being diagnosed with preeclampsia in the final weeks of pregnancy, and her birth experience quickly shifted from what she had envisioned. Despite these challenges, Emily remained grounded in her faith, her strength, and her voice. Her son was born small but healthy, avoided a NICU stay, and Emily went on to breastfeed him for 13 months, an experience that was deeply meaningful to her. Emily took the EBB childbirth class with instructor Lindsay Seeger.

1:36Emily Cook: As a Black woman, educator, and mother, Emily brings a perspective to us that's rooted in honesty, strength, and empowerment. She hopes today that her story encourages other women, especially those navigating high risk or unexpected turns in pregnancy to feel informed, supported, and confident in their ability to advocate for themselves no matter how their journey unfolds. Emily, welcome to the Evidence-Based Birth Podcast. Hi, thank you, Rebecca. I'm so happy to be here today. We're so happy that you're joining us to share your journey, your experience with our listeners, who I know are going to learn a lot from you.

2:13Emily Cook: And I was wondering if you could start off by telling us a little bit about how you found out about evidence-based birth and the ebb childbirth class. So actually one of my friends was pregnant at the time she delivered nine months before I did. And so when I got pregnant, I asked everybody, everyone I knew who had babies, what are the must haves, must do's. And she listed this podcast as one of the things that helped her tremendously. and it's one of my dearest friends. I follow her advice with everything. So this was no different. I downloaded the podcast immediately and just was very intrigued and interested in the podcast and learned a lot.

2:56And then of course, by listening to the podcast, I learned that you also offer classes. And then I started looking into those classes.

3:05Emily Cook: And what was your experience like taking the class with Lindsay? I had a very good experience I actually took the class very late I fun fact I didn't finish the course because I delivered before the course was completed and our cohort was very small it was only three of us but that allowed for us to build community very very quickly there was also another person that was pregnant quite there was due soon around the class so that was also very comforting and I found immediately like I said that community I appreciated all of the resources and the ease of access and then because it was so late there were downsides to it but the positives was I was learning important information right as I was solidifying my birthing plan sometimes when you create the birthing plan early on it gets different when you are right close to delivery so I actually found that by being in a class so late, the information was very fresh and I could immediately apply what I was learning to the birthing plan.

4:07And especially I didn't know that I would need it because I did get that late preeclampsia diagnosis. And so just having those lessons of advocacy, the scientific research to back the decisions that I knew I wanted to make was very helpful. I didn't have to recall it. I literally just went over it like the week before last week. And so I really enjoyed that.

4:29Emily Cook: And you mentioned, you know, both then and in your bio about how things changed for you throughout the course of pregnancy. Like, did you have a shift in what you hoped or wanted for your birth, like earlier in pregnancy versus what you had to figure out what you needed to do later in pregnancy? Like, what were your desires at the beginning of pregnancy for your eventual birth story? So at the very beginning, even before I found EBB, I knew that I wanted a natural birth just from the limited information that I did have. And I just don't love a lot of interventions in general outside of pregnancy.

5:08My mom is in the health care profession. And so you sometimes you have the insider information. It's just like I wanted I knew that I wanted as least interventions as possible. However, early on I had high blood pressure, but it wasn't preeclampsia It was just high blood pressure I was put on medicine and we were monitoring it every two weeks So early on I started to grapple with the fact and come to terms That it was likely that I may have some interventions just due to high blood pressure and how dangerous that is And already with me being a black mother and the black mother black maternal mortality rates safety was paramount for me but I still wanted and approached the burden and plan with as little interventions as possible moving forward though when I realized it was preeclampsia that's when I knew that induction was probably going to be highly likely as well as epidurals are also often recommended because they offset that high blood pressure and so just coming to terms with those things towards the end of the pregnancy.

6:16It was a lot to grapple with because all of this happened like within a week, I found I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and then delivered my son within a week. Understanding those changes really quickly was a lot. It was kind of difficult emotionally. However, I did feel very empowered with my choices. My class instructor had really helped me understand and release this need. Like I wanted a natural birth and I was holding on to that. And she said something along the lines of there is no wrong way to deliver a healthy baby. And so that just allowed me to say, yes, I had this idea and I had this original plan.

6:55But the most important thing and the reason why I'm getting all this information, I did this class and did this podcast was not so that I can tell I birth naturally. It was to make sure that I got my baby here safely, that I survived and that we were able to live and live healthy. And so when I released that need to have this natural birth or to do it a certain way and just realized to keep the important things important, ensuring that I survived one and that my baby got here safely, then that helped me come to terms and accept the interventions that I needed because I knew it was for a good medical reason and to ensure both of our safety.

7:36Mm-hmm.

7:37Emily Cook: And I'm sure we'll get into this more later, but I think what it sounds like is you were like, I'm open to the interventions that are needed for my safety, but I still want individualized care where I'm informed and empowered and choosing what I'm having in this birth. Yes, exactly. So I still asked so many questions along the way as they were talking me through the epidural. And like I said, we probably will talk about it. I asked and was able to advocate for a lower dose. I was very adamant about wanting to deliver on my hands and knees and be as mobile as possible, even when they hooked me to the magnesium.

8:13And I did not realize that that was a portion or intervention that was a part of the preeclampsia diagnosis. I still advocated heavily for myself to get on the ball and it did take a lot of advocating because the nurses were like you're a far risk They didn't want me to move from the bed. I felt very tethered to the bed However, I knew and learned about the mobile monitors from the class and from the podcast And so I was able to ask about those and I just continued to ask very politely but continuously Can I do the mobile monitors because at first they were like, well, we don't know if we have any we don't know if we could find them and I just continuously asked well I'm interested in the mobile monitors are is there a way that you could hook me up to the mobile monitor so I could at least sit on the ball so I wasn't able to be completely mobile like I wanted to and walk around but I was able to get out of the bed and sit on the ball and walk a little bit around the bed because I was a fall risk and they were like watching me like a hawk to make sure that I didn't fall but it was nice to be able to get out of the bed and get on the ball.

9:16And I was very proud of myself for having the knowledge and being comfortable and able to advocate for myself in those small ways.

9:23Emily Cook: Yeah, I can only imagine how it could be quite different if you didn't have that information and were confident in speaking up. You could have been stuck in bed, like you said, the whole time. So let's rewind just a little bit. Can you walk us through what happened towards the end of your pregnancy with the preeclampsia diagnosis? Yeah. So at 35 weeks, I went in for monitoring my son in utero. They had some concerns about his kidney. So I actually was there for them to take an ultrasound of his kidneys. But I felt I knew that I had blood pressure problems and I felt a little off that day. So I asked that doctor if she could check my blood pressure.

10:04So this wasn't my OB. This was somebody like I said that was monitoring for my son's kidney when she took my blood pressure It was elevated. It was like in the 140s, which had been slightly higher than it had been Like I said, I had been on blood pressure medicine from the first trimester and my doctor was closely monitoring it every two weeks And up until then I had very, you know fairly normal readings and this one was a little bit elevated And so she was like I do not feel comfortable with letting you walk out of here. You're pregnant I know I don't know you I'm so sorry but I'm going to take you to triage and so you know I was late in pregnancy and I do know that high blood pressure is a factor again I'm thinking about the black mortality rates all of this is happening so I you I said okay it's you know I'll go into triage and so they um kept me they were able to give me a dose of medicine and then I was able to come down and they released me that was um at 35 weeks and this was the dates are easier for me so that was September 23rd.

11:04On September 30th, so a week following, I went in for my check-in with my OB-GYN. She took my blood pressure and it was elevated again. And she said, I just saw that you were triaged last week. It's elevated again this week. I'm going to send you back to triage again. I don't feel comfortable when you walk out with these readings. So I went back to triage. This time they had a little bit of difficulty in bringing my blood pressure down Um last week they were able to give me the dose of medicine and went back down They sent me home this week. They gave me a dose of medicine. It did not go down And again, I was approaching I wasn't quite 36 weeks.

11:42I was approaching 36 weeks and so They informed me that they wanted to keep me overnight I panicked and I do what we all do call my mom and was like mom. I don't know what to do again And I told you she's a nurse. Actually, I'm lucky that my godmother is an OB-GYN herself. So we three-wayed like girls do. And they both told me that they felt comfortable with me staying, that they really wanted me to stay overnight. And that is when I got my first take into what preeclampsia monitoring looks like. Because they monitor me every 10 minutes, then every 15 minutes, then 30 minutes for a couple of hours, every hour for four hours.

12:22You're trying to make your blood pressure? Yes. So that was, and I was constantly, I was attached to the cuff the whole time. So that limited mobility. So overnight, that's what the monitor was. Also, I was allergic to the most effective blood pressure medicine. So that was a whole thing. And them figuring out another medicine to give me that would be as efficient at reducing the blood pressure as well as safe for the baby. However, throughout this whole process, my son was perfect. He was on the monitors. Um, and they were bragging like your son is textbook. Um, his monitors look great. And so I stayed overnight and I was, they were finally able to get me down and that was on Tuesday.

13:04So in this discussion, my original due date was October 26th. And when they had to triage me, my OBGYN told me that she was going to push, she was going to induce me on October 19th. Then after I triaged again, so this is on September 30th when I went back, she told me she was pushing up the induction to October 5th. They really wanted me to get to 37 weeks. Right now I was still, I had just turned 36 and they really were trying to avoid delivering me then because they didn't want my son to have to go to the NICU. And just the health or it was just better to deliver at 37. And so I was planning on that was a Saturday.

13:44I was like, OK, I'm wrapping my head around. I'll get induced on Saturday. But then when they released me on Tuesday, they told me they gave me a blood pressure monitor and monitor it at home. And if it was high, then they suggested that I come back. on Wednesday I took my blood pressure and it was 166 over 113 so that is crisis and so I knew that when I went back that they would definitely keep me um and so I just kind of packed it back mind you I wasn't prepared for any of this I still I had just had my baby shower like the week before so things were still being delivered I hadn't set up the nursery I hadn't wrapped up my loose ends at work so all of this was just a lot um but when I saw the crisis number I went back back to triage once again they were having a lot of difficulty bringing it back down and went up to like 175 over 90 so my it was actually climbing instead of um going down and so then the nurse calmly came in and said hey um I know we said the induction date was Saturday but we're actually going to induce you now.

14:52And I was like, okay. And so I was induced on the evening of October 2nd. And then I ultimately delivered the morning of October 4th.

15:03Emily Cook: Okay. So how did the induction begin the start of your birth story? So they started with the Foley ball, which zero out of 10 do not recommend. And but luckily I had taken a course. I had listened to a lot of the episodes that you have on inductions and a different the different ways. So I was familiar with the process. They did do a really good job in explaining. I will say I was I had my defenses up about delivering in a traditional hospital setting just because of the stories that I've heard and some of the stories from the podcast. But I think that comparatively, my team was very open. I really did appreciate my Obi-Wanee throughout the process.

15:49She is traditional, but she was very, I felt heard and listened to. And I did use those. There were guides in the class and in the courses about how to kind of understand and read if you were really being listened to by your care provider. And so, you know, I listened kind of for those telltale signs and really did feel honored in my request. And so they explained how the induction process will work, but it started with the Foley ball. And then it took like four hours and then they were able to break my water. And then a little after that, they started me on a Pitocin. And that is when it got quite uncomfortable that my contractions when I did start filling them.

16:35I still because I still was trying to aim and advocating for no epidural if possible. but when the contractions came um it was like one continuous contraction like i knew from the course to expect the break and to expect the wave and it would be like a release in a wave and there was no i felt no release and i'm i'm know that that's probably due to it being the pitocin um i know that they make the contractions a little bit um harder to bear and i then i had the blood pressure issue and so with those things combined I did say okay to the epidural however once again I advocated and told them over and over again that I did want to be able to deliver on my hands and knees so I still needed I needed this to be low enough so that I can still feel um my my legs and again the anesthesiologist the team was just very helpful and they listened and they uh she made they gave me the first dose.

17:32And it's like, is that okay? Does that work? And so we were able to find a dose where it did ease that pain, but where I was still able to feel my lower body so that I could deliver in the way that I wanted.

17:43Emily Cook: That's amazing. And what was the experience like getting the epidural? Do you remember like what it felt like? Or, you know, for those of our listeners who haven't had one before, maybe thinking about getting one or thinking it's in a backup plan, Like, can you describe that process? Yes, it was very scary. I'm not, and I don't want to scare anyone into doing it, but I didn't realize, and maybe this is just lack of preparation on my behalf, that they cleared the room. And so I thought that my mom, because that was my birthing partner, would be able to be in a room with me the entire time. And she was, but I didn't realize that they asked them to leave and that that was standard practice when they did give the epidural.

18:23So just me and the doctors in there. and again I know I keep saying that but this was important to me too because my mom is a nurse though she was really like my grounded factor not only could have been there she could have been in the room right I wouldn't so that's that part I didn't know so that so advocate for that because that would have made me feel a lot better um but she cleared the room um and then they I didn't know about the needle and the length of the needle um but the fact that you have to be so so still and then it's you know it's going into the back so it was it was a scary experience um the team did talk me through it pretty well and they were able to tell me what to expect and as they were um putting the the needle in um you know they talked me through that they talked me through the fact that they would give me like a numbing shot first so that was helpful but um I would have Like I missed that part, but I would have liked for my mom to still be in there.

19:22So I do suggest that that you advocate for your burden of partner to remain that if that will make you comfortable, because that would have helped me to feel comfortable. But luckily, there were no issues with my epidural. I didn't have any pain. I don't have any back pains or anything now. So it went well. But the actual process of getting it done was very nerve wracking for me.

19:45Emily Cook: mm-hmm and after you received the epidural and it started working did you feel a sense of relief yes I did I I did the the wave finally subsided because it was just tight the whole time prior to that so I did feel a sense of relief and I was actually able to go to sleep um after receiving the epidural okay and you were able to get some rest at that point yeah I know um when you wrote and you mentioned you had magnesium during the labor. Did that start like early in the induction process or later on? Can you tell us a little bit about the magnesium? It started right away. So as soon as they connected me to the blood pressure monitor, they also connected me to the magnesium.

20:33So the word that always comes to mind during my story and labor and, um, yeah, labor and process is tethered. I did feel tethered to the bed. I felt tethered to those machines it was very overstimulated for me and when you have preeclampsia the monitoring does continue after you deliver and so that was extremely extremely overstimulating I was having this newborn I breastfed I was trying to breastfeed but the cuff was on my arm continuously because they had to monitor for my blood pressure and um because like I said I am black preeclampsia is a uh kill you know a killer of black mothers I knew that that that monitoring was necessary but it was hard to have the blood pressure cuff on one arm the IVs for the you know magnesium drip on the other and when I did like I said I did advocate for myself to use the ball through labor but it was a whole process my mom had to get up and help When we moved the IV to the other side of the bed, I had to make sure that I didn't knock the cup off.

21:40It was a lot. I felt tethered. And so I'm glad I made it. But having preeclampsia, I think, complicated my labor story for me. I think without having to have the extra monitoring, it would have been a lot more pleasant. I made the most out of it. I wouldn't say I had a bad experience. but I did like I just that's like trapped or tethered to those machines the bed the entire time like I said anytime I did get up it was like a really big to do from the medical staff because when you get on a magnesium you automatically become a forest and I had to either advocate for myself to be able to get up and use the actual toilet because they wanted me to use a bedpan at a point and that just really was uncomfortable so it was it a lot came with the monitoring due to preeclampsia i'm grateful because i do feel like they took great care and listened to me and um and prioritize like my well-being as well as the baby sometimes when you're a mom you feel like people prioritize your baby but don't really you know care about your health as much but i did not feel like that with my team i do i do appreciate the care it's just you know at the same time it also was a little annoying i'm like you can agree something agree

22:56Emily Cook: Free to something and know it's necessary, but still not like it. Yeah, so that's where I found myself. Like, I do want to make it out here live. I'm grateful, but I also just feel tethered, stuck, and I just want to be free. So that was a lot. Well, and for our listeners who aren't aware of what magnesium is, how did they explain it to you? Why you needed to be on the strip with this mineral? I don't really remember. So for our listeners who aren't familiar with magnesium, it is a medication that it's administered through an intravenous drip. If someone has preeclampsia and if it's needed, it's because they're trying to prevent seizures.

23:39So what one of the ways that preeclampsia can kill someone is through causing eclampsia, which are sustained seizures.

23:49Emily Cook: So preeclampsia means it's the part of that disease process before you start having seizures. so they want to prevent the eclampsia so that's what the magnesium is for but you mentioned the blood pressure cuff and i think one of the things that i think is is tricky is because i think it has to do with staffing and the ability for someone to be with you because ideally if you have preeclampsia and you're really high risk and you're having um all of these medications you would you could have some you know somebody with you to take the blood pressure as needed instead of leaving you hooked up to the machine that automatically pumps up every how often.

24:28Emily Cook: So just something to keep in mind is that I think people do feel tethered to the blood pressure cuff, but you could technically take breaks from it if you knew how long in between it is pumping up to check your blood pressure. And I think that is something people don't realize. Of course, if it starts pumping up and it's not on your arm, sometimes the machine will alarm and it creates kind of a little bit of chaos. And you have to be able to put it correctly back on your arm. If you have somebody that knows how to do that, but it's just something I just wanted to mention. And I was able, because my mom was there, there were times where I was like, you got to get this off of me.

25:08So we weren't able to do that, but it is, it's the constant beeping. That's another thing that was overstimulating, constant beeping on the machine. And then the noise when it pumps up and then when it's not on you it alerts and then you have the beeping from the monitors and as they're watching the baby and then if the magnesium goes out that was another beeping and because I was in labor like I said I went I was induced um Wednesday night didn't deliver until Friday morning so that was over 24 hours and the monitor continued after I had the baby I just was over it when it was all said and done right that's a lot that is a lot and especially some

25:44Emily Cook: people when you're sick with preeclampsia you're you're literally sick right your blood pressure is high you're having all these symptoms from this process that's going on in your body it can make you tolerate those things less like yes you know plus you're sleep deprived plus you might be experiencing pain from the labor process so it's a lot to put on a person at once was there anything that helped you stay more comfortable during the process i know you mentioned the epidural and you mentioned movement, getting on the ball, and that your mom was there. Was there anything else that you two did together that you felt really helped through the process?

26:21Just her presence was really helpful. And then what is it, the peel, where you can put your legs around that ball?

26:29Emily Cook: Oh, the peanut ball? The peanut ball. Yes, I'm sorry, the peanut ball. That was helpful, and that provided a lot of comfort throughout the process. And then, like I said, advocating for myself, too, even though I was a far risk to get up and I did walk around the room when I needed to because I had also been very active during my pregnancy because I had high blood pressure. I worked out during my pregnancy. I walked a lot during my pregnancy to counteract and, you know, prevent it from being an issue. And so then from one from being very active, even while pregnant to being stuck in his bed, That just also didn't really align with like my lifestyle.

27:09My mom is also very mobile and works out a lot. And so that really helped. And I wish I could have walked more throughout my labor. I was planning not to even go into the hospital until after my water broke. And so that was another change. I did not want to labor long in the hospital. I learned that that was a option that I had through the courses. And so that's what I was planning to do. I did not want to be there that long. And so to be induced and I wasn't dilated at all when they induced me. So that was really starting from zero. Yeah. Yeah.

27:50Emily Cook: Was there anything that helped you emotionally, mentally, spiritually during the process? my friends and family I had a couple of uh group chats going on and I know for some people that doesn't help um they don't want to connect with the outside world but for me that was actually a source of a comfort throughout people checking on me um and then they didn't necessarily contact me all the time they called my mom but her saying you know such and such called and checked on you to see how you were doing that really helped me also my grandmother was um alive at the time she um prayed for me you know I am calling and pray and offer so really wow for some people that might be distracting if they're like in the zone for me having my friends and family and that support system really lean in and know that they were like rooting for me throughout the process was very helpful and comforting.

28:51Emily Cook: Yeah. Especially cause you were, like you said, in a setting where you didn't want to be hooked up to things you didn't want to be hooked up to, knowing your community was still present with you, but from a distance. It was very helpful. So earlier we were talking about the epidural and you said you fell asleep. What happened after that? After I fell asleep, shortly after, that's when it was time for me to deliver I woke up and I was I did not feel good um I felt actually like I had to have a bowel movement and I was really crabby and I heard my mom um joke with somebody like I think she's ready to deliver she has an attitude which at the time wasn't funny because it was annoying but I just felt like really snappy really crabby and a feeling of like whatever this is because I was like, I have to go to the bathroom.

29:48I have to go to the bathroom. And the nurse was like, you've been on a liquid diet. It's not food. It's not a bowel movement. Like you don't even have anything in you. I said, well, whatever it is, it has got to get out of me. And so, um, and they were like, okay, well, we're going to check. And then they checked and they were like, yeah, the baby's right here. I said, I know it's something. And so, um, the doctor came in And I really appreciate the doctor. It wasn't my doctor. Um, she wasn't on call at the time However, she was willing to come in they the team called my personal doctor for me And they said that she was ready to come if if I wanted to wait for her But I was like no this this whatever this is has got to get out of here Um, but the doctor was also very, um, like I said welcoming and she told me she said well mom If you feel ready to push you can go ahead and push she was still scrubbing in and preparing And she said but you don't have to wait on me you can push whenever you get ready Um, and then again, I told because I was still on my back at the time But I advocated again that I wanted um to be on my hands and knees And so she was like, you know, okay, so they helped me get into that position And then I started pushing and it literally took only like 10 minutes.

31:00It was like three pushes And about 10 minutes. It was very quick. Um, and he was out, but my baby was very small So I know that that probably helped. He delivered at five pounds, three ounces. But the actual delivery itself was extremely quick. It was kind of, I'm not gonna say anticlimactic because I got my son out of it. But it's like you prepare this whole time. I was in labor this whole time. And the delivery was very, very quick for me.

31:29Emily Cook: So how long did the induction take then from start to finish? I was induced about 10 p.m. on Wednesday, October 2nd, and I delivered him at 3.06 a.m. on Friday, October 4th. Wow. Okay. So it took almost two days. Yes. Over 24 hours. Yeah. Maybe close to 36 hours, 30, something like that. But the actual pushing phase only took about 10 minutes. Yes, that was very quick. That's incredible. And what thoughts or feelings were going through you when your son came out? Pure joy. I was going to sound so cliche, but I never experienced a love or feeling like that. When they set them on my chest, I cried, I boohooed.

32:29But then quickly I just thought about like the golden hour and everything that had to come with that from what I learned in the course So ensuring that we did have the skin to skin and luckily even though my hospital is a traditional hospital They um also favor uh the golden hour and not bothering mom Um, and they did all of his um checks the things that they had to check him for They did do a bedside in the room So there was no separation of him from me, which I appreciate because that, you know, would have freaked me out. And then my mom was able to, you know, look at him on his side, you know, while they were doing a check.

33:08I didn't while I still delivered the placenta and everything. But I just felt so much joy. I felt so accomplished that I did it. I was very proud of myself that I was able to push on my hands and knees. Then just like I'm here. I'm a mom. Like what is, yeah, this is the new normal, I guess. A lot of emotions at once.

33:31Emily Cook: And your baby was small, but healthy, correct? So he didn't need to go to the nursery or anything. Right. So they had told me that there was a high probability that he would, he might have to have a NICU stay because I was what he was, what they call late preterm. So he wasn't a preemie, but because I deliver on the 37th week. So October 4th was when I would have turned 37 weeks in pregnancy. And that's when he came. So it's considered late preterm since it wasn't technically after 37 weeks. But when he got there, they checked him out and everything. And they were like, good news, mom. He doesn't have to go.

34:11And so that was a big relief. I know that's a whole nother journey when you have a NICU baby and those questions and that monitoring. and I was just glad that that was wasn't anything and then because I wanted to breastfeed that would have been a concern about mine with him being in NICU how quickly would I have been able to get him a latch but because he didn't have to go I was able to breastfeed right away he did I laid him on my chest with the skin to skin and he did do the crawl and then um and like I said even though it was a traditional um hospital they also supported breastfeeding they knew that I wanted to breastfeed and so they had somebody help me latch um they um were able to connect me with a um breastfeeding consultant right away so I did get that support as well and luckily he latched breastfeeding I'm not it wasn't easy but um he took and latched fairly well we didn't have many difficulties of course it was the first couple days you wonder if they're getting enough or how do you know that they're full but the hospital staff um what was very helpful and a lactation consultant was very helpful in reassuring me and allowing me to feel empowered in a breastfeeding journey and letting me know that you know even though I couldn't tell that baby is fed and they

35:34Emily Cook: were really helpful in that way that's amazing that you know he's born at 37 weeks and still did what we've talked about it before, EBV, they call it the breast crawl, the instinctive crawl towards the breast, and then that he was able to latch and feed right away. That's so amazing. Yes, I'm so grateful. Yeah. What was the rest of your experience like in the hospital before you went home? Because you mentioned earlier that, and I want to make sure our listeners know that But the risks of preeclampsia don't just go away postpartum. You got to keep being monitored. So what was that experience like?

36:13When I went to my mother, baby, that was a good experience. First, they moved me into a really cramped room. And I know that's like, what does it have to do with anything? But I needed space. I didn't like it. But I was able to advocate about that. And they were able to move me to a bigger room. I also have a really if you can't tell throughout a massive family a lot of people luckily love my baby and I so people we need a space for people to come and be able to see the baby and again I know people have different preferences some people don't like a lot of visitors and I didn't have a lot but I did have like my parents my grandparents um my partners some of his family came my aunt it was important to me that there was space for family because that's what I needed to get better in my postpartum.

37:03And I wanted to be surrounded by those close friends and loved ones that I did want to join me at the hospital. So moving to that room and having that space was very helpful. Again, I spoke about it. The staff was wonderful, but the constant monitoring was still very overwhelming. And it was even worse than when I was in labor, because now I was trying to feed my baby, bond with my baby. And I spoke about it before, but that constant like beeping of the machines and then after I delivered they want to make sure that you're getting the blood flow so then they added like the vibrating things on my legs so that was another thing to plug so my it was one point my legs were plugged up and that that was vibrating the magnesium was in my arm with the IV and if you move you know that's very sensitive so if you move one kind of way it's weird they tried to put it in my hand I think they did one in my hand to make it a little bit better so that it wasn't in my arm but it still wasn't ideal and then that went out at some point so that machine was beeping because it needed to be refilled then a blood pressure cuff was going so I had something on my leg something on my left arm something on my right arm at the time I was trying to breastfeed my baby and at one point the poor nurse she was trying to do something I was like i'm trying to get my baby it was just like a lot of she was like okay i'm gonna come back later i was like thank you i'm like please unplug this so she like she saw her my exasperated cry was able to kind of take me off of some of the stuff what she could at the time was left me to be able to feed my baby and kind of you know come back down later after i regulated a little bit more I was like you know I'm sorry but that that was a lot and so that like I said made the stay kind of uncomfortable I did appreciate though when you have preeclampsia they add a day of your stay I can't imagine going home so quickly and so I did appreciate the extra time because um the lactation consultant was came in and so I got extra time with her she was amazing I can't speak enough about her like teaching me how to use the pumps teaching me if I feel like the baby isn't getting enough how to feed him through the syringe if that would have been necessary showing me the different ways um to latch just all of those tips so I did appreciate the extra time that I did get in the hospital with the lactation consultant but the mother baby nurses they were very very attentive they were very very kind I did do delayed um bathing and so I didn't feel any pressure or anything from that perspective they just asked you know when when would you like to bathe I was like not right now it was no like well you you sure you know they accepted it and when I was ready to bathe him because he was a boy they talked to me about um circumcision and just the pros and cons and really went through the thorough explanation um of that I did have a lot of questions I felt.

40:03And again, I didn't feel any pressure. They were very patient. I appreciated that support. It was the, any supplies that I needed, they helped out. They made sure that I had enough. So I can't speak enough about those nurses. I really, I felt well taken care of. I felt like they care for my baby a lot. I felt like they really supported me spending time with the baby because sometimes you don't want to handle the baby all the time or take them and that makes you feel uncomfortable. But I feel like they always ask, do you want to do this? Do you want us to do this? We can do it. But if you want to do it, then you can do it.

40:42And so just having that level of support was very helpful throughout my recovery.

40:47Emily Cook: And how was your blood pressure doing this whole time postpartum? Postpartum, it was doing really well. After I had him, I it the issue kind of almost went away um immediately so it did it was able to stabilize fairly quickly and that's why they were able to release me when they did because I was trending in the right direction so it literally was the pregnancy and once I delivered and delivered the placenta that you know I didn't have um many issues and I actually was able to come off of blood pressure medicine. I went to see my primary care doctor in January. So the next, and within six months of delivering by April, I was able to be off.

41:31I had talked to my OBGYN, he talked to my primary care physician. That was my goal to be off of blood pressure medicine. I did lose a lot of weight after I, um, delivered because again, I was active prior to delivery. I was able to return back to the gym once I cleared of course the six weeks but I was able to lose the weight and my blood pressure was able to uh settle back down so I was able to come off the medicine because that was a fear of mine after having it would be chronic or something afterwards and then I might be stuck on there um but luckily that wasn't an issue yeah what about the rest of

42:08Emily Cook: your postpartum experience what was it like taking your baby home and settling into that life as a parent? That was a lot. So I delivered, like I said, on October 4th, unfortunately, three weeks later on October 30th, my grandmother died unexpectedly. And as previously mentioned, I'm very close to my family. I was very close to my grandmother. It was one of the fears that I had being an older mother, like when I hit 30 and didn't have children as she was aging, I was wondering like will my grandma be here to meet my children and I was kind of coming to terms with she might not be here but then I got pregnant and then I delivered and she was here and she was healthy and I was so excited and then unfortunately she passed away and so my postpartum experience was coupled with grief and I'm not even sure that I fully processed my grandmother's death in a way um that I probably should have just because I was juggling being a new mom um while it happened and then unfortunately I also had a difficult time at work so before I took maternity leave and luckily I do my job does have a very good maternity leave policy we get 12 weeks paid so I'm grateful but prior to me leaving work it wasn't an ideal situation and so while I was at home with my baby I was bonding with him but that was in the back of my head like I have to go come back to work and it's not a great situation and I was not ready even though it was 12 weeks and I don't mean to sound ungrateful because I know a lot of people get less but I did not feel ready even after those 12 weeks going back and so the first day I got back to work I sobbed and then I at my desk like that was like half the day and then I was breastfeeding it was just it was just a lot I don't even know how to explain it because I don't want to say it was like I enjoyed being able to bond with my baby I'm glad he was here but it was coupled with so many other mentally and emotional taxing things and then with him being so small I would say the newborn phase and that first three months was not my favorite time I know a lot of people talk about like the toddler phase but now he's 20 months and I feel like this is my time to shine this is a much better time for me and my personal motherhood journey after he hit about 10 months is when it got better it was it was very rough for me and not him my baby was he's always been sweet like we never really had issues breastfeeding like I said he took well he's always been a good sleeper so those things that I was counting on to kind of be tricky in postpartum those weren't the issues it was the things that were pertaining to me when I was pregnant I thought so much about Delivery being the finish line.

44:59I didn't really do a lot of considering what that meant for me as a woman After becoming a mom and after having a baby and so it was a lot of things with like my identity And then especially after my grandmother died. So it was two very life-altering experiences that happened for me That did a lot for me Like emotionally and mentally in a way that I didn't anticipate like I anticipated the pumping I anticipated anticipated the sleepless nights of the newborn I anticipated some of the crying um but the transformation and what it meant now for me to be a mom and not have my grandma and now be a working mom on top of the crying and on top of the breastfeeding and on top of the pumping and then I nobody could have told me the beast of pumping while working that was not good um so when I was able to get rid of that pump when he turned one I breastfed until 13 months but when he turned one I stopped pumping and that really is when life got a lot better trying to pump and work at the same time and keep that schedule was a lot so I can't I know that's a lot to say that I don't really know I'm still trying to kind of process that postpartum experience at first that especially you that first six months it was very trying for me because like I said of those emotional things and I really had to just do a lot of thinking about like what does this mean for me who am I not with a lot you know a significant loss and then a significant gain and holding those things and the beauty of those things and the difficulties and intricacies together it was it was a lot um luckily I did have a therapist and I went um and I still go to therapy so that was nice to be able to process that and because my family is close we were able to process and grieve you know my grandmother collectively in a way it was just still very trying for me emotionally on top of doing the day-to-day newborn things but I am grateful that my baby was healthy he was gaining weight as he should he was eating and nursing like he should we did go through a spell of purple crying which was a lot but that didn't last long luckily like I said he's always been a fairly good sleeper was able to sleep through the night.

47:18So I'm grateful for those things because had that not been the case on top of everything I had going personally, I don't even want to think about what that would be.

47:31Emily Cook: And just for our listeners who don't know, who are maybe haven't entered parenthood yet, what is purple crying? It's an acronym and I don't remember all of the letters, but basically just they cry for no reason. And even though you check to see if they're changed, you they may be fed they may you know all the things you go through the list and they still just might continue to cry and there's really nothing you can do about it you just kind of gotta wait it out and so you know that's not the most fun thing um but and because I checked I was like I don't know if it's college you know you do all the things and they still cry so that was that was a lot and that was like a phase of development that he went through that was hard for you and probably him too yeah and it only in retrospect it was only like a like two weeks but when you're going through it and you don't you don't know on the front end and it's only gonna be two weeks you also don't know what's wrong um you know and it's just you had this little baby and like I said he was really small when um when we brought him home he was four pounds and 15 ounces because you know they lose the weight so it was just a lot but like I said in retrospect it was only a couple of weeks.

48:40And so it wasn't horrible, but when you're in it, it feels like it's forever. Yeah.

48:45Emily Cook: Yeah. And looking back, you know, you have a little bit more perspective now since it's, it's been a while since your pregnancy and birth and your immediate postpartum experience. If you had any words of advice or wisdom to share with our listeners who are approaching this milestone, what would you share? I would just let people know that there is no returning to a quote unquote normal. Like I said, I thought that, okay, like I'm pregnant, but once I deliver, we'll get back to like normal. Right. And then like, no, there's, it's no going back to who I was before I had the baby. And this was my first, I know that that was like very different, but I would like to believe that even after, even if you have multiples, it's no going back once you have a new person you know into your life you just stretch and become different and I think that's okay but that was a big thing that I had to process that I on the front end wasn't like I said I thought I prepared for the baby things and all the technical pieces but really emphasizing that impact on me and what that meant for me as a mom and as a mother and as a person moving forward was something that I didn't think about beforehand.

50:00I also think, unfortunately, the way that we think of people being pregnant, it's like so much focuses on the baby that there's not always intentionality about the support for the person who is delivering. So my advice would be don't lose yourself either. You do put a lot of care into the baby and preparing for the baby but give yourself space to understand what that means for you and and with that new identity marker if this is your first time being a parent you know how does that go from being somebody that's childless to not having a child because that's different how people perceive you the conversations that you're able to have the spaces that you're invited in or now not invited into all of those things are different and people I hadn't realized how much I would realize that and that would impact me and it's been beautiful in some conversations I felt as suited from with friends who had children now I'm like oh no like I can talk about this and I have a right to be in this space and then some spaces where my identity was I was childless and that's how we bonded That has shifted and that's been a big a large impact and I am a firm believer that Your child And the health of your child is directly correlated to your health and your personal well-being And so that's why i'm just emphasizing for people who are childbearing to really My advice would really be to To hone in on what you need because I don't think anybody else has to tell you to to take care of your kid That's that that that information is in abundance, you know, make sure that the baby is okay I think there is a gap in an area of growth for people to really encourage Those who bear children to really take care and pour it to themselves and not feel guilty about doing it

52:03Emily Cook: Those are really good reminders about you know reflecting on your identity and while you're it's like you're creating a new family unit but you're also still yourself like both can exist at the same time and and I love your advice on yeah just the reflection on who am I now and I'm I'm still me but like you said I loved your words about growing and stretching that's really cool well thank you Emily so much for sharing your story. It was wonderful hearing how you, you know, overcame some of these challenges and advocated for yourself and for your baby. And, but you're also still yourself, like both can exist at the same time.

52:47Emily Cook: And, and I love your advice on, yeah, just the reflection on who am I now? And I'm, I'm still me, but like you said, I loved your words about growing and stretching. That's really cool. Well, thank you, Emily, so much for sharing your story. It was wonderful hearing how you overcame some of these challenges and advocated for yourself and for your baby. And I loved also hearing about how supportive your family was and how you found meaning throughout all these experiences. I think our listeners are really going to leave this thinking about some of those things. Well, thank you so much for having me.

53:28It's such a pleasure to meet you. I've heard your voice for several hours as I've listened to the podcast previously. And I'm so happy to be part of this community and so honored that you all chose me to share my story today.

53:41Emily Cook: Yeah. And if any of you are listening or pregnant or giving birth soon, or if you're taking the EBB childbirth class, you too can be like Emily someday and share your story on the podcast. Perhaps. I'll talk to you soon. All right. Thanks, everyone. We'll see you next week. Bye. This podcast episode was brought to you by the evidence-based birth childbirth class. This is Rebecca speaking. When I walked into the hospital to have my first baby, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Since then, I've met countless parents who felt that they too were unprepared for the birth process and navigating the healthcare system.

54:16Emily Cook: The next time I had a baby, I learned that in order to have the most empowering birth possible, I needed to learn the evidence on childbirth practices. We are now offering the evidence-based birth childbirth class totally online. In your class, you will work with an instructor who will skillfully mentor you and your partner in evidence-based care, comfort measures, and advocacy so that you can both embrace your birth and parenting experiences with courage and confidence. Get empowered with an interactive online childbirth class you and your partner will love. Visit evidencebasedbirth.com slash childbirthclass to find your class now.