19th Century Squid Porn | Feudal Japan (Part 3)

13 Oct 2025 · 1 h 5 min · 30 chapters

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In short

Part 3 of “Vindas History” on Feudal Japan, focusing on Toyotomi Hideyoshi’s rule (1588–1598), his sword hunt and weapon disarmament, the invasions of Korea (1592 onward), and the transition to Tokugawa Ieyasu and the start of the Edo period (1600–1615). It also covers Edo-era “cool Japan” culture: strict class hierarchy, outcast burakumin, gender/customs, and kabuki/ukiyo-e and prostitution-linked entertainment.

Guest backgrounds

No named guests appear in the transcript; it’s primarily the hosts (including “Charlie” and “Ian” mentioned as participants) discussing history and making jokes.

Key claims

Hideyoshi’s sword hunt disarmed commoners and centralized military power; his Korean campaign became a costly stalemate that contributed to his decline and succession crisis. Tokugawa Ieyasu wins at Sekigahara (1600), becomes shogun (1603), relocates government to Edo (Tokyo), and stabilizes Japan for ~250 years. Edo society rigidly ranks classes and marginalizes burakumin; kabuki evolves after banning women from the stage (1629).

Notable examples

Sword hunt weapon melting into a Buddha; Hideyoshi’s 1592 amphibious invasion; “righteous armies” under Gwak Jae-u; battles during the Korean campaign; Sekigahara (1600); Siege of Osaka (1614–1615); kabuki/ukiyo-e; funeral “rental mourners.”

Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.

Chapters

Tap a time to open that second in VO

Welcome Back to the Show

0:11 to 1:26

The hosts reintroduce themselves and set the stage for this episode's topic.

“Heart of the Beast is an uplifting triumph.”

Exploring Feudal Japan

1:26 to 3:22

Discussion about the cultural similarities between Scotland and Japan, and the historical context of 1588.

“It's part three of our feudal Japan series.”

Rise of Toyotomi Hideyoshi

3:22 to 4:50

An exploration of Hideyoshi's background and his rise to power in a rigid class system.

“An edict is that, can you make them an edict or is that how they're received?”

The Sword Hunt Edict

4:50 to 6:39

Discussion on Hideyoshi's famous sword hunt and its implications for society.

“and defend his former master's honor, Novanaga, but he defeats all of the rival contenders in the power vacuum.”

Stabilizing Warfare in Japan

6:39 to 8:03

Analysis of Hideyoshi's methods to stabilize Japan by regulating warfare.

“No, no, you're meant to be, but you're charging upfield.”

Stabilizing Warfare in Japan

8:10 to 9:18

Analysis of Hideyoshi's methods to stabilize Japan by regulating warfare.

Stabilizing Warfare in Japan

9:27 to 10:00

Analysis of Hideyoshi's methods to stabilize Japan by regulating warfare.

“Doesn't mean if a swap team comes in, you're like, well, I thought it was 30-day free money back then too.”

Samurai and Military Complex

10:00 to 11:19

Delving into the societal implications of Samurai culture and military warfare.

“Push your limits, train with precision, see the results.”

Hideyoshi's Invasion of Korea

11:19 to 12:07

A look at Hideyoshi's ambitious military campaigns and their historical significance.

“And so what Hideyoshi does in 1592 is he goes, do you know what?”

The Righteous Army and Resistance

12:07 to 14:01

Discussion on the Korean resistance and its historical context during Hideyoshi's invasion.

Show all 30 chapters

The Korean War and Hideyoshi's Ambitions

14:01 to 15:36

Explore the historical context of the Korean War and Hideyoshi's strategies.

The Downfall of Hideyoshi

15:37 to 17:52

Discuss Hideyoshi's mental state, his military decisions, and family crises.

“I do often think how you'd stack against a great warrior from that period if they're that much smaller than you.”

The Rise of Tokugawa Ieyasu

17:53 to 20:51

Understand Tokugawa Ieyasu's role as a unifier and the political landscape after Hideyoshi.

The Edo Period and Its Significance

20:52 to 24:28

Learn about the establishment and importance of the Edo period in Japan.

“I was waiting to see who's going to do better.”

Historical Longevity and Cultural Insights

24:29 to 28:00

Explore cultural comparisons of longevity and diet in different regions.

“To be fair, Bukkaki, Sabuku, that combination is a nice one too.”

Ethel Caterham's Legacy

28:00 to 31:32

Discussion on the longevity and lifestyle of Ethel Caterham, the world's oldest verified living person.

“I mean, Charlie's what's going to keep these women alive.”

The Rise of the Tokugawa Shogunate

31:33 to 33:10

Exploration of the Tokugawa shogunate's lasting peace following years of civil war.

“And thus begins the true beginning of the Tokugawa shogunate, the Edo period.”

Cultural Differences and Food Etiquette

34:21 to 36:40

Discussion on cultural differences in food appreciation and etiquette in Japan.

“At Equinox, that's high performance loving.”

The Dual Nature of Japanese Culture

36:41 to 39:24

Exploration of the contrasting elements of Japanese culture from politeness to adult themes.

Social Hierarchy in Edo Japan

39:25 to 42:00

Overview of the rigid social hierarchy established during the Edo period.

“The rigid social hierarchy, now this is developed under the third shogun who's called Iemitsu.”

Class Hierarchy and Bura Kumin

42:00 to 44:30

Explore the class system in Feudal Japan, focusing on the bura kumin and their societal roles.

“People walk past you and go, good Christ.”

Gender Roles and Marital Customs

44:30 to 47:50

Learn about the social customs regarding marriage and gender roles in Edo-period Japan.

“So in terms of like the social customs of the age, after marriage, women shaved their eyebrows and blackened their teeth to mark that they were...”

Kabuki Theatre and Its Cultural Impact

47:50 to 49:50

Discover the evolution of Kabuki theatre and its connections to societal norms and entertainment.

“So Kabuki actors become cultural celebrities.”

Prostitution and Social Perception

49:50 to 51:40

Examine the complex relationship between prostitution and societal respect in historical Japan.

“So this is kind of the gone age of the geisha is coming into this.”

The Emergence of Octopus Porn

51:40 to 55:50

Uncover the historical significance of octopus and squid in Japanese erotic art.

Cultural Significance of Shunga

55:50 to 56:02

Learn about the broader implications of shunga art and its role in Japanese culture.

The Allure of Tentacle Art

56:02 to 56:49

Explore the erotic symbolism in Japanese art and its legal implications.

Codifying Sumo and Its Cultural Significance

56:50 to 59:36

Discuss the evolution of sumo wrestling and its cultural impact in Japan.

The Tale of the 47 Ronin

59:37 to 1:04:16

Learn about the historical events surrounding the 47 Ronin and their legacy.

“So this is the start of the 18th century.”

Cultural Flourishing and Future Implications

1:04:17 to 1:04:49

Understand how urban culture flourished in Edo Japan and its future implications.

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Transcript

Automatic transcript. May contain errors.

0:00Push your limits, train with precision, see the results. At Equinox, that's high-performance loving. Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox. Start today at equinox.com.

0:33Get home. Heart of the Beast is an uplifting triumph. You're the greatest dog ever. Bread. I'll get you home. Heart of the Beast. Friday. Ready to PG-13. May be inappropriate for children under 13. When you think like an athlete, setbacks don't stop you. But mindset alone doesn't get you moving again. That's where Icy Hot steps in. Ice works fast. Heat makes it last. So when the rest of the world settles because of a setback, Icy Hot accelerates your comeback with fast-acting, powerful pain relief. Icy Hot. You're so back.

1:25Welcome back to Vindas History. I'm drawn by Horatio Gould. we're moving towards the heat part of japan um where this is this series really is the yeah um how did we get the story of japan yeah exactly exactly with a nuclear bomb explosion at the front yes on the on the cover night night straight to bed yeah uh supper this is the long sushi no sushi straight to bed no sushi this is the long road to the night night bomb the the winding road to squid porn. The long and winding night night. That's how that song goes. It's part three of our feudal Japan series. I've been having a good time actually going through feudal Japan.

2:09It's lovely. Absolutely lovely. They're kind of our sort of people. It's a home away from home. It is a home away from home. Scotland on sea. The most Scottish place in the world is Japan. Well you think about it they make whiskey. They love suicide. Yeah. Like the good fish. Yeah. I mean, it's Scotland. They don't know how to cook fish. They don't know how to cook. So we left off. We're in Scotland. We're in Japan. It's about 1588. Hello. It's 1588. And Tomato... What's his first name? Or his last name? It's upside down. Thomas. It's Ian. It's not Thomas Hideyoshi. Thomas Hideyoshi. Thomas Hideyoshi.

2:51Yeah, Brian Hideyoshi. Yeah. Brian Hideyoshi has outlasted Odu Nobunaga. Sorry, Ian Nobunaga. They've got some very pretentious names. Toyo Tomato Hideyoshi. It's part three. I don't know anymore. There's so many fucking weird names. Yeah, his name's Tomato. Tomato Hideyoshi has issued... Toyotomi. Toyotomi. Hideyoshi. Hideyoshi has issued some sweeping edicts. You ever issued a sweeping edict? Not yet, but I do hope to. It's on my vision board. I issue some sweeping statements. Yeah, sure. I wouldn't say they're edicts. An edict is that, can you make them an edict or is that how they're received?

3:30I think it's - Can just like a pissed tramp - Make an edict? Yeah. I don't think so. No, you can't. I think it's - Just because you say it, it has to be - It depends on the status of the person making the edict. Yeah, yeah. So his famous edict is a sword hunt. We should explain who, just a recap on Hideyoshi. Yes, we should. Who's basically like, he was a foot soldier, a peasant who was - The dirty gypsy monkey man. Exactly. Not my words. In a very rigid classist with Japan where there was really no social mobility because of Oda Nomenaga being quite a maverick who believes a bit more in meritocracy.

4:02Fuck you, mum. Fuck you, mum. He's a Japanese emo. He really went for that. I was there. Part three. He's gone for it. He's all in now. I can't believe it. They think it's all over. It is now. The podcast is now. They think the podcast is over. It is now.

4:23he climbs through the ranks and then in a stunning turn of events he defends we need to be you know we should be painting this for our listeners that's yeah that's a Japanese man with a speech impediment yeah with a lisp

4:47but he manages to not only come back and defend his former master's honor, Novanaga, but he defeats all of the rival contenders in the power vacuum. So he is the second of the three unifiers and in the thing, pounded the rice, he bakes the cake and we're not yet the person who eats it. So he's the cake baker. He's baking the cake. And that's not a homophobic slur. No, although, maybe he was doing some... What did our researcher call us? She called us cootie catchers. which i think is an hr issue anyway so he issues his 1588 he's been in power for about five years or so he issues a sword hunt like an easter egg hunt no it's not like an easter egg hunt he's hidden a couple of swords around japan and if you find them you get chocolate no it's not that um and it's not like pokemon go right walking through victoria park find a snorlax on the bridge some other virgins don't call me that i've done a lot of work to undo my nickname from school um bowser and snorlax um say you've done a lot of work you've just grown i've just grown taller you've been stretched out my eating habits are the same i've just grown taller genetics kicked in thank god um that's what they mean by privilege well it's like hand-poured noodles right yeah i guess at the beginning there's this big pot and then he gets stretched into sort of yeah yeah anyway a sword hunt is not an easter egg hunt it's where weapons are taken from farmers peasants anyone common weapons of minimum destruction minimum yeah yeah swords yeah and they're uh basically become you have to be a samurai to have a sword really so he's kind of he's taking it's like the gun amnesty after dunblane yeah or poor arthur to make an australian reference um so hideyoshi declares that all the collected weapons would be melted down and make a big fat buddha statue yeah so he's he's doing virtue signaling it's kind of it's quite woke isn't it give me your weapons i'm gonna smelt them down and make a big fat body positive one or something like that and so he he outlaws uh warfare by daimyos independent warfare yes so he can he can he's the only one that can authorize military campaigns indie warfare yeah so no indie warfare isn't done it's major label warfare um it's like emi yeah and he banned soundcloud yeah no soundclouds out of it and this stabilizes the realm somewhat so there's this huge samurai order charlie's googling yoshiport but there's a huge large laughing fucking hell so anyway um if this were the football team yeah we'd have absolutely no one protecting the defense Yeah.

7:29I'm goalie. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, no, you're meant to be, but you're charging upfield. You're the guy that Cantona kicks in the face. No, I'm this guy. That's me. He greets her, but smashing like... But missing the ball. Yeah, but missing the ball. And just face planting. Every time a shot comes and he tries it. It's not a shot, it's a back pass, and he does it, and it just goes in the goal. Goes underneath him. Yeah. And then he hits the ball with his head. That would be so funny. you just decided mid-game every save i got it anyway next time this episode of fin versus history is brought to you by surf shark now you use vpns don't you yes i do you have to nowadays you've got to in modern britain it's impossible to access anything that's not just mary berry cutting a cake exactly but you know the internet's changed it's not like you're not just surfing the web it's dangerous out there so much of life is out you know on the internet you've got to protect yourself but also i'm i'm a straight white man from the you know the home counties famously famously and i'd like to live as a as a fat transgender mexican yes well i can do that through my vpn address exactly surf shark will give you the opportunity at another life not only another country but you can also change your gender you can change your your weight yeah you can change your political leanings so you can just live out that fantasy with a vpn i would like to watch stuff they watch in mexico so i can live out my fantasy of abandoning my family you've seen the film the holiday yes you know they swap houses yes it's sort of like that it's like that yeah i must stress surf shark is not a silver bullet it's not a holiday from your life yeah you still have to live as you eventually you'll have to log off the vpn and still be you and still be you but i don't think anything can really offer that you won't change your job and if you do provide that service we'll happily advertise it yeah so listen head to surf shark and if you use the code fvh or go to surfshark.com slash fvh that's fvh foxtrot vagina hotel then you will get four extra months of surf shark yeah it's a risk-free 30-day money-back guarantee gorgeous yeah we want risk-free but what you're looking up that's that's on you have you have to take a level of risk so it's not complete just because they say risk-free money-back guarantee that means they'll give you the money back if you don't like it doesn't mean that anything you look up doesn't mean you can just join ISIS online.

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10:45They'll do the impossible. I got you. And get home. Heart of the Beast is an uplifting triumph. You're the greatest dog ever. Bread. I'll get you home. Heart of the Beast. Friday. Ready PG-13. Maybe inappropriate for children under 13. So there is a huge class of samurai who have been warring for 150 years. They're a warring society. It's all they know. There's a military industrial complex in Japan. Right. Yeah, of course. And so... It's the only way you can... It's a way of acquiring honour. So this is why they have to keep doing it. because they're so obsessed. It's been, what, four or five generations all they've known as war.

11:18So he needs an outlet for this war. And so what Hideyoshi does in 1592 is he goes, do you know what? I'm going to have a crack at the Chinese. And this is the first great Chinese civil war. Yeah. It's a war between China, Japan, and Korea. So just different regions of China. Yep. And I don't think we should get involved. I think we should let the Chinese people decide and work itself out. The right to self-determination of the Chinese people. i'm not getting involved this is a civil war anyway so hideyoshi launches an invasion from japan which is obviously a province of china to another province he wants to go through korea which is another problem to china to get to mainland china uh anyway so uh what he does what he does i don't know i think yeah is this one 1592 his invasion of korea is the biggest amphibious assault in world history until d-day yeah i read that on the way in it's crazy it's crazy 200 000 um chinese people in boats 200 000 japanese i guess well i guess both from japan and the uk that both came from similar sized islands so i guess that's probably why but i don't know in my head it was shocking but i don't know what else would compete with it really no but amphibious assaults i mean even when we get to d-day like the whole idea of a amphibious assault yeah is something that's only ever really been done properly at d-day right i mean they do it here but as in like until that point it was kind of impossible to right right ground invasion overseas yeah um now the korean uh have what's called the righteous armies okay which is like it's fragmented twitter mob twitter mob yeah it's a white mob it's pitchforks um and they are led by a guy called um guac jay u different names now we're getting into a different sort of sound different area of china yeah um guac jay u and he dyes his coat red with the menstrual blood of virgins which will give them magical protection yeah nothing to see here i think that's completely normal i too have a coat dyed with the menstrual blood of virgins yeah somewhere in the bottom of the closet somewhere oh no no pride of place that's my car coat that's what i drive in to protect me from crashes the menstrual blood of virgins wow i mean how many virgins do you think it'd take to dye the coat or is it one with a heavy flow well um japan the japanese are very or they're Korean very small people aren't they five foot so you had to use loads sorry so you had to use loads of virgins well they're small people so it wouldn't take that many where are they taking the blood from oh I see yeah well it's menstrual blood Charlie from the fanny fanny

13:52he says forlornly menstrual brackets from the fanny he says in a somber tone from the fanny from the fanny I see bushy clad from a bushy clad it's from a bushy clad yeah anyway the Korean menstrual blood virgin Superman he leads a guerrilla uprising against um so korean ninjas sort of yeah but but this is this is one of the original this is the original korean war maybe is one of the original ones but anyway the the japanese actually get all the way up korea they take um like busan and pyongyang and seoul same country at this point right yeah and similar vibes but interestingly what's he called hideyoshi yeah he wants to divide korea into two spheres of influence a chinese sphere and uh well another chinese sphere yeah a japanese sphere oh really so he's already thinking about dividing okay so it's already been like a um and when squid game is that when does that come in i think this is this is squid game i think uh in the and the guac ju the period guy he attacks all the supply lines and there's a famous battle at a river where they first defeat hideyoshi's army right by like ambushing them while they're in a river and because the samurai got such heavy armor right all these like um ninjas they come out and they yeah and this is during the mong china ming china sorry the ming china dynasty mong china yeah sorry no ming china too close what too close for comfort ming china i think right mong china is too it's just there it is there but the mong china was when genghis khan invaded wasn't it right there's too many chinas anyway but China enters the war and sort of grinds it into a stalemate so the Japanese were overstretched which is what happened with the Korean War yeah genuinely so the Japanese are overstretched their supply lines all the little fellas that's what I'm calling the Koreans guerrilla attack oh look at these little fellas look at these little fellas that's what the Japanese are going and Hideyoshi well the average height is five foot one yeah that's what I mean so they really are they're little fellas and it's interesting like these warriors these with amazing swords huge armour Do you think with our diet of, you know, steak and eggs in a way that...

16:00This is the Korean War. I do often think how you'd stack against a great warrior from that period if they're that much smaller than you. Yeah. Because there's so much... You have so much... Well, they talk about a box of reach. Yeah, weight and height are such big distinguishers. Yeah. So you're just imagining you're just like... Well, Genghis Khan was like 5 '3 or something. It just really changes the vibe, doesn't it? Yeah. Just a little fucking tiddler. So anyway, Hideyoshi, at this point, is kind of going mad. He may have syphilis. Right. He's fucking a lot. Yeah. He's got a lot. Of course, I mean, he can't believe it.

16:36He was a peasant farmer and now he's the king. He's a disgusting monkey gypsy boy, not my words. And now he's fucking everyone. Yeah. And he's the king. Anyway, so he... You can get away with a lot if you say not my words. Yeah. It's a nice get out of frame. But also, these are someone's words. Yeah. Maybe, I don't know. Long China, not my words. Not my words. My words. I know those are my words. Anyway, Hideyoshi is ill-informed or mad, and maybe the reports are being sugar-coated, but he thinks that he's actually winning the war when he's not. All the little fellas are there winning. So there's this humiliating episode in Kyoto where he basically thinks he's won the Korean campaign.

17:13Because he's mental. Because he's mental. So he then sends his emiracy to China, demanding to split Korea into two spheres of influence, north and south. The Chinese refuse and come to his court to ask for his submission to them, right? And then Hideyoshi is so annoyed that he orders a second invasion of Korea purely out of revenge. Even though he's already won the first one in his head. He's like, why are we doing this again? But it's just, it's like all the daimios who had pledged their men, they're losing thousands and thousands of men. It's an absolute disaster. The big problem with Hideyoshi is that there's a hair crisis, not like your hair crisis, which you could just go to Turkey and fix it and collect some pills.

17:50He's got an air crisis, which is that his infant son sunamatsu yeah again stupid name uh he dies yeah and so he uh designates his nephew he did hide his making them up at this point yeah they're just they're just pulling this out of a fucking barrel um his favorite concubine lady cha-cha fair enough she sounds brilliant she sounds british um he then has a son called hideyori yeah and thus the nephew hidey sogo uh becomes expendable but he'd already offered the line of succession to him so then he uh forces hidosugus to commit seppuku fucking nonsense and i'll be like oh no you can have it then no no i don't want it no no you've got to kill yourself i wish i accepted it then yeah don't accept anything i think if you're in free law japan just don't say yes to anything because you never know if someone's going to is and then not only that but 31 women and children so all hidosugus family they have to commit spook well they are they executed oh that's different it's different right yeah spook is like brilliant execution's terrible yeah yeah children don't do only samurai do spook women don't do spook no no no they couldn't couldn't possibly they do though don't they i think women do they try but he's the wrong a real a real woman used yeah but they use the wrong spoon doing it for a tent yeah just doing sapuku for attention oh come on love if you leave me i'm gonna speak myself you'd be so lucky have i given you permission um so there's even the formidable um date masamune who is called the one-eyed dragon masapune um not masapune um he blah blah survives only because of tokugawa ieyasu's intervention right more on him in a bit the korean disaster drags on hideyoshi's health collapses and they create a council of five elders to govern until the young hideyuri is the one that decided to take over becomes of age so he yeah they're sort of pretending they're propping up pretending he's still alive they got like the well he's an old fucking geezer and they're pretending he's they don't they say they hide his death yeah he dies in 1598 yes and so they had he has a five-year-old son but they're like he's still they've got his corpse they're going oh yeah but then he so then he says there are five regents that are looking after my son until my son comes of age to take ownership of and this is what uh shogun is based on is this setup oh right it's the five regents looking after a young boy okay so this is where shogun starts yeah okay and this is what happens next is real richard iii princess in the tower it's very similar a lot of this it is um so officially hideyori who's hideyoshi's son he's ruling but in reality the power is balanced between these rivals yeah uh regions one of whom is tokugawa ieyasu yes who's the third unifier who's going to eat this fucking cake finally exactly because it could all fall apart very easily so it's very rice flour it's very soft very delicate thing so many daimyo are now quietly readying themselves for some kind of reckoning yeah um and once again at any point just cut to the emperor and he's just making tea yeah like it's just completely irrelevant at all points so anyway now let's get to tokugawa ieyasu who is the ultimate unifier the man who's there at the end of it all the guy who outlasts it and the first shogun of the edo period yeah um he's uh he sort of maneuvers himself into position as the guardian of the air right so classic princes in the tower kind of thing and there's a battle in 1600 called the battle of segigahara right um which is decisive because it ends this 120 30 years civil war in a single day right and this is like the battle of bosworth but japanese okay yes in that there are three different factions three different armies uh it's ieasu fighting some other cunt and then there's a third army who are who are one of the They both pledged allegiance to...

21:55He's pledged allegiance to both. I was waiting to see who's going to do better. He's waiting to see who goes better. And he comes in at the last minute on Ieyasu's side. I'd like to think that's how I'd be. Well, the guy that's just scoped it out. Just wait. Just out on the hill. Just... All right. Yeah. Where do we want? Yeah. Another one. Tokugawa. What's his face? Ieyasu. He defeats whoever. I don't care. And blah, blah, blah. 21st of October. It's one of the largest battles in Japanese history. Damn. There's a lot of people involved at this time. 160 ,000 troops. Yeah, it just feels like the biggest amphibious.

22:26I didn't know there were so many people in Japan at this period. And Ishida, that's the guy. Ishida's forces collapse and Ieyasu wins a decisive victory. And so then what he does, he doesn't kill the little boy. Okay. He beheads a few people, obviously. But the little boy is sent to, I think it's Osaka Castle. 1603, Tokugawa Ieyasu is formally appointed the shogun by Emperor Go-Yuze. Yeah. and the shogun a shogun literally means that the general no it's the barbarian quelling generalissimo right that's what it actually means the barbarian barbarian quelling generalicia yeah that's beast and so Ieyasu is the first person to move the government of Japan to what's now Tokyo to Ido Ido and Ido is in the centre of Japan it's not really do you like Tokyo I love Tokyo you're an Idophile yeah I'm an Idophile yeah you're an Idophile yeah yeah i uh so edo at this point you do it's is it a nothing place and it just gets decided to become the capital he builds he builds edo castle sort of from nothing yeah so it's got no history really before no nice so uh and what he does he moves with the government there and then he says that the emperor can stay in kyoto but the government's going to be in edo but apparently there's so many earthquakes in Kyoto so just always just collapse and they just built it so they just they just rebuild it really quickly because it's so easy to rebuild them even though they all fall down i think it's another part of the Japanese psyche that leads to things like seppuku and bukake is that it's the same thing isn't it um seppuku becomes a ritualized thing under the Edo period and becomes Bukkaki eventually.

24:15I have dishonored my family. It's a similar thing. I must dishonor my family. Yeah. Bukkaki is the only way that you can make up for social football. To be fair, Bukkaki, Sabuku, that combination is a nice one too. I'd watch that. Because you dishonor your family and then you make up for it by killing yourself. That's it. Yeah, it'd have to be. Yeah, you wouldn't do it the other way around. well charlie would but well yeah charlie would to figure himself and then five planks to come on his face yeah instead of the second head thing yeah this guy chopping head off it's just a guy coming on your face yeah anyway edo castle becomes the largest fortress in japan and although it's a small castle town over the course of this 250 year period which is called the edo period yeah uh it becomes the largest city in the world which is kind of crazy people living there and this is policy of isolationism okay it's coming throughout but this is we'll get i think we'll get to that sort of come in during this yeah so in 1605 um ieyasu resigns in favor of his son tokugawa hididata

25:24yeah uh ensuring a kind of hereditary succession yeah um and in 1614 though continuing to wield influence as the ogre show which is a retired show that's kind of the dream isn't it to be just a retired boss man so in 1614 there are tensions rising because Hideyori who's Hideyoshi's son who's still alive not too confused with Yakitori not too confused with Yakitori which is a skewed chicken no that's you cannot get Hideyori on the Wagamama menu Hideyori comes of age in Osaka Castle right so he casts off his ninja pedo master Yeah, yeah, he throws, he thrusts. No more. I'm going to have sex with women now.

26:06I'm ruined. I've been ruined. And so what he does, because it's like a banner for discontent to the regime, he just goes in there and tortures the place. There's a big siege, goes on for like months. Eventually he defeats Hideori and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, the second, 16, 15, he forces Hideori and his mother to commit seppuku as the castle's on fire. Although they never, the bodies are never found. So there's kind of rumors as to whether they're alive. They might still be alive. Well, this is 1615, so. Well, where are the bodies then? Blue zones, isn't it? So you just don't know. These people live a long time.

26:48All that raw fish and friends, crucially. They're mates and they eat raw fish. So they could still be alive today. Charlie, what's the oldest? Can you find out what the oldest Japanese person ever is? Oh, it's going to be up there. I'd imagine, I think Japan is in terms of the longest living people. A fishy old woman, I'll tell you that. A woman who's eaten raw fish every day of her life. Oldest Japanese person ever, go on. 119 years and 107 days. Right, now let's get oldest person ever. Let's just see how that stacks up. French. Damn. She's 122. So not too much. Now, this is an interesting one.

27:18What country has the youngest oldest person? Scotland. Can we find that out? Surely it's Scotland. Will they have that? Because that would be really... Whoa, Morocco. the oldest person ever who lived in Morocco was 56 no that can't be right here we go can you set it by age yeah yeah and I've got the opposite yeah yeah there we go Fiji makes sense now that makes sense I've long said that Fijians have the worst most disgusting diet of anyone on this earth yeah they do and they're the most obese country basically all of those islands are the most obese people in the world by a long shot in Fiji they hollow out a loaf of bread fill it with ice cream and honey and then that's their breakfast so that's why they got the youngest old person 105 105 is a good inning not bad so clearly but then would you say that that sorry can you go back to the league title there he is that's Betu Prasad Betu Prasad would you say that that's actually that's more of an achievement because he had ice cream and bread every day where's the UK I want to see how high that UK is so what 160 Ethel Caterham living she's still alive let's get her on the pod Ethel this is like one of Charlie's mates what charlie's doing on the weekend hang on hang on hang on go back to it's the world's oldest verified living person oh damn shit she's the oldest person in recorded history she's still going no no it's not verified living living person yeah she's that's what i mean every day she's getting us up higher up that table come on ethel come on ethel keep going push through give that old woman some fish and some mates now.

28:51She needs mates. She needs olive oil. Charlie, get in there. I mean, Charlie's what's going to keep these women alive. Charlie, break into Ethel Caterham's house, but not in a way that gives her a sudden shock. Pump her full of olive oil, bust some fags, and you've got to take the French off the fucking... Fuck the French. I cannot believe the French are winning that. Are you joking? Hashtag come on Ethel. No. Do not come on... Well, to be fair, maybe that's Japan's secret his bukkakis oh look at her she's smoking that's not Ethel this is the oldest French woman yeah I know she's smoking if they're smoking I don't believe it 117 busting fags she's fake it's fake fuck her she's been accused of fraud a recent Russian study claimed that she had in fact died in the 1930s Géant Calment they claimed her daughter assumed her identity in order to avoid paying inheritance tax that's French that's French fraudulence right Ethel Caterham my god that doesn't look like a life there Ethel Caterham this podcast will now be sponsoring Ethel Caterham's bid to keep living let's send money to Ethel where is Ethel based?

29:59where is Ethel based? is it in Caterham? was that just her surname? yeah she is in a care home in Surrey Surrey? she's nearby which care home? uh don't know apparently the reason she's lived so long is because she never argues listens and does what she likes She's a good woman. That's a good woman. I could do an Ethel catering in my life. Right. Ethel, wherever you are, we're behind you. I don't care what quality of life you have. You keep fucking going. And you do it for Britain. You do it for Britain. You've got... How many more years has she got to live before we oust the French? I mean, the French is fake, I think.

30:33The French is fraudulent. But we can still beat it. I've got to beat the Japanese. Six more years? Six more years, Ethel. Six more. Come on. Okay, right. You've made it this far. You can do another six. We need to organise regular music nights. Cliff Richard tribute act. Yeah, yeah. Bingo. I'll go down and do some of my crusty jokes for the troops. We've got to keep Ethel Caterham alive. I will not rest until this podcast has sponsored the oldest living British woman to beat the fucking French. And once she's beaten the French, then she commits a buku for an honourable way out. The only way she can die is to commit a buku.

31:09Because isn't that awesome to what would be fucking amazing? She's 123 years old, oldest woman ever commit suicide. How powerful would that be? So good. Because it's like, not only... It's retiring after you won the World Cup. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Still on my terms. On my terms. The greatest to ever do it. Messi wins the World Cup. I'm retired now. Done. That would be amazing. Come on, Ethel. Anyway, what the fuck are we on about?

31:37Oh, yeah. 16-16. Tokugawa Ieyasu dies with an air. His shogunate is now fully secure. And thus begins the true beginning of the Tokugawa shogunate, the Edo period. How long is the Tokugawa shogunate last? 250 years. Damn. And so you have 150 years. So is that like the Plantagenet sort of? It's like an era. Well, what's amazing about this is that you have 150 years of civil war and that is finished. 150 years? Yeah, the Sengoku period, which is war and war and war. Oh, it's the one we've just been... Yeah, I guess that's just been... What we've been talking about. Yeah. And then that ends and then you have 250 years of peace.

32:13which is that in world history is kind of unprecedented for one country to have 250 years of no war at all. Internally? Both. That's kind of amazing, isn't it? I guess so. How long have we had internally? But then I guess both. Yeah. Falklands, World War II. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. 250 years. Amazing. Yeah. So damn. Anyway. Because this is the two sides of Japanese culture because even though as much as we say it's the night-night bomb that released they have always had the dual personality yes it's always been samurai and tea like they've they've they've had like the the love of peach blossoms and poetry as well as like fucking chopping heads off yeah exactly it's throughout the whole of their history they've had it's shoving an octopus up your fanny yeah and then it's also starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times your to-do list may feel endless with new tasks and lists can easily begin to overrun your life.

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34:55What in the night? This Friday. It's just you and me, boy. Two soldiers bonded for life. Made it! Made it! 58 miles no one's coming for us when anyone else would quit they'll do the impossible i got you and get home part of the beast is an uplifting triumph you're the greatest dog ever bread i'll get you home part of the beast friday pg-13 may be inappropriate for children under 13 um you know committing not cooking that octopus and play on a piece of rice or it's like um don't fart at the table or you kill yourself with or if you show appreciation of eating noodles you have to make a lot of noise I think that's more Chinese I think no it's Japanese as well the noisy eaters Charlie when you were in Japan did you have to show to show appreciation of the food do you have to eat loudly well I had to quite often ask for a knife and fork because I can't really use chopsticks spoons it was embarrassing I made I had a lot of barbecues I made friends with some Japanese families they took me under their wing and they took me out in Tokyo yeah they took me to like not the red light district but like the tiny little you know the the covered area the cupboard area the covered area there's a little area that's like loads of cupboards basically and i went in there with tiny bars and you have like yakitori grills yeah yeah i went in there with like with some families i met but japanese are very different cultures to chinese which shocked me uh but the chinese are quite rude loud and they shit in the street and the japanese are very polite kill yourself if you do it uh yeah hygienic and stuff and yet squid porn hentai it's the dual nature of Japan yeah inside Japan is too do you think if you're having anal in Japan to show appreciation you have to fart a lot

36:41now is that is that showing appreciation I don't know if that is showing appreciation oh he's liking this yeah I guess so I guess that's showing appreciation it's polite isn't it I guess it's polite I don't know you were raised right weren't you this isn't my this isn't my wheelhouse Charlie is that is that I don't think it's very polite to fart on the winning well in Japan it might be we just can't know we can't know we can't we couldn't know hey no we couldn't we couldn't possibly know we could go over I think I'd google it before I went over I reckon I'd trial and error it over there yeah let one rip I don't know about the anal physics of doing such a thing i'm just wondering if they want you to naturally fart because air will leave your bum right but then it was it depends how you define it yeah is it any air leaving your bum a fart we can't know anyway let's let's crack on to life in edo japan sometimes you wish you didn't have google just to let the mystery you know we don't want to be able to google some of these things well that's why we've got charlie there's some things we can't know it feels like we're living in fucking 1997 we might as well be we are doing this podcast from the 70s because we don't have any technology oh goodness me um yes it counts as a fart to release air from your bum to simply what did you google does it count as a fart if you simply release air from your bum i wonder if ai is developing like i think ai must be upset with like pissed off at us because then what we we make this super intelligence do we've said it back years machine learning has gone back years with what charlie's doing it yeah it does count thank you regardless regardless of whether or not you tried but it's more it's more about if it's polite in japan when receiving anal to fart to show your enjoyment i think it isn't i think i'm gonna and also i'd rather leave that as a mystery i don't think we need to know let us know in the comments if you're japanese let's let's get back we can't

38:57ai overview being so polite and thoughtful generally farting on a big is not considered polite tasteful or desirable in a sexual encounter however whether or not a specific act is acceptable is entirely dependent on the boundaries comfort and preference of the individuals and the nations the cultural wars of the nation we might forget we're talking about japan it's an alien culture to men in the west you're meant to you're meant to eat your food loudly you're meant to be bummed fartily maybe i don't know we can't know we can't know anyway so the piece that yasu has established means that edo japan flourishes and this is the real this is arguably this is where brand japan sort of really flourishes cool japan begins yeah yeah cool japan yeah yeah yeah so um uh now there are because the amount of japanese influence on culture now is too much you reckon i think it's too much yeah but it's extraordinary because you kind of it's so much that you forget you think about the american hegemony on all things globally it's probably japan's second oh yeah what you've got pokemon you've got pokemon you've got nintendo you've got sony you've got that's good porn um sony yeah any sort of animated stuff yeah studio ghibli but then even even fashion even taking uh something like whiskey or watchmaking they make the best yeah like uh mid-range stuff the key features of edo japan include a strict social hierarchy, which we should go through because it's quite funny.

40:30The rigid social hierarchy, now this is developed under the third shogun who's called

40:38Iemitsu. Ian. He's called Ian. Thank you, Charlie. Yeah. They've gone away with the pretentious names now, finally. The Shinokosho system. Sorry? Ian Itzu. Ian Itzu. He founded Itzu. Yeah. The Shinokosho system sort of minimal social mobility, just as I like it. So the samurai is about 8 % of the population. Peasants about 80. Intermarriage between classes. It's funny they don't really come to the story at all, the peasants. They're like nearly all the people. Yeah. Intermarriage is restricted. They also ban peasants from eating rice and they saved that for the samurai. Yeah. They weren't even allowed to eat rice.

Read the full transcript

41:14So you've got emperor and nobility at the top, then the shogun, then the daimyo, then the samurai. So shogun's below nobility. Yeah, but again, the nobility is all like, you know it's just people at the court but the shogun feels way more powerful he's the prime minister okay in the way that prince andrew still has some rank over kirstama you reckon but i mean it's like it's like a yeah socially socially uh then you've then you've got the peasants this is interesting then you've got craftsmen so builders right so craftsmen are below peasants yes right you got so basically it's samurai farmers craftsmen and artisans yeah then it goes actors and then it's merchants merchants so anyone who makes money is like deemed the bottom it's like you're taking other people's work and you're selling it you're not making your own thing so this is in respect it's not necessarily power yeah it's about just the respectfulness of it well it's kind of a class system yeah because then you also have these people called bura bura kumin uh and this is like an out the bura i'd say you're bura kumin no charlie's bura kumin you're an outcast group yeah and you're outside the official class system and you're physically indistinguishable from other japanese but you are considered unclean and uh okay because your job is associated with basically dirty things animal slaughter executioners right okay um so these are kind of seen as defiling buddhism because you're causing suffering.

42:45Yes, okay. By being Cesare-i? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. People walk past you and go, good Christ. This is before the invention of Roland? We haven't placed this. So it's before the invention of Roland deodorant. Yes. So that's why this class exists. Yes. And it's after, I guess it's, it's after Richard III fucked his horse. Yes. So again, horses are around, people are fucking them, but there's no role on deodorant. Yeah. I don't think there's even spray on deodorant. It's a very smelly time. Exactly. There's a lot of raw fish going about. Yeah. So these occupations such as tanners, butchers, undertakers, grave diggers, slaughterhouse workers, there's a hereditary oppression.

43:29So in like medieval England. You're born into it. You're born into being a butcher. Really? You're born an executioner. That's your class. Like negative Nepo baby. Yeah. And then people are abusing you in the street because you're a five-year-old executioner. isn't it crazy yeah but it's interesting because the medieval english feudal system like tanners stuff like that they wouldn't be viewed like this right no quite a lot not only merchants but like so many of these roles are so important to society runs yeah they're being so disrespected it's quite interesting so they kind of tolerated during the sengoku period because like leathers needed for armor and saddles and stuff yeah um but the peace during the edo period means that there's a mantle of leather drops.

44:10So then they kind of just like outcast them into their own little towns and stuff. They're treated, they're like prostitutes basically. Well, prostitutes. Like Christian prostitutes. Yeah, but prostitutes are actually incredibly respected in this. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But it's upside down. That's the class system. So now let's go, or should we go to gender? Let's do social, gender and social customs. That's good. So in terms of like the social customs of the age, after marriage, women shaved their eyebrows and blackened their teeth to mark that they were... Was it basically ruining themselves so no one else wanted to fuck them?

44:42I guess so. Not even their husband. Yeah. It's a weird one, isn't it? Yeah, sort of tattooing a burka onto your face, basically. On your teeth? Yeah. And then obviously divorce is common because men are feeling slightly ripped off. Yep, let's get married. Christ. Now I want to have sex with me. Oh, brilliant. Oh, brilliant. Now I'm definitely not going to cheat on you. Great. A husband could issue a, quote, which is a three and a half line divorce letter. Yeah. With little ceremony. So it's pretty like progressive women can ask for divorce. Like in Christian culture, that's pretty, that's a massive no-no.

45:21Still to this day. Until like fucking 20 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Basically. So suicide in Christian culture is a massive no-no as well. Yeah. So is it, yeah. It's upside down. It's upside down. So Edo, Osaka, Kyoto, So they become these big urban centres. Yeah, 1700s, the biggest city in the world. And then we get to, as ever when there's peace, there's boring theatre. The Kabuki theatre. So, sorry, early Kabuki is associated with prostitution. Women are banned from the stage in 1629 because it's too horny. Right, yeah. And this is a place to be boring. Yeah, it's, yeah, outcry for moral reform.

45:54This is more speaking our language. This is very Oliver Cromwell. Similar time. It is a very similar time, actually. It's restoration. It's mid-1600s. That's racist. yeah i think that's a bit much that's white face to describe that for the listeners yeah sorry it's just traditional japanese it's just kind of the stuff that me and finn do on the patreon especially this week yeah um and i think it's very inappropriate that they're doing that yeah that's a bit on the nose isn't it it's a bit on the nose we get it you're japanese calm down um it's like live action cartoons yeah uh so uh they had to there was moral outrage rage because there was only fights breaking out because men had never seen actresses with makeup on basically right like seemingly it's funny just seeing an actress on stage it turning you on so much that you start a bar fight especially in that makeup they just basically painted themselves white yeah yeah it's just we start going to the west end yeah to see wicked and someone turns you on and then you so you start punching the guy next to you i don't think i've ever been turned on at the theater no god no it turned off yeah switched off yeah completely just a reset button yeah um so although having said that young male actors called wakashu they took female roles in their in their place and the wakashu actors are admired for their beauty and often doubled as sexual companions for patrons right so you'd see them in a play and then get to fuck them that's quite interesting i mean i'd go to the theater more if that was the thing i could go and see like Michael Sheen and then fuck him afterwards.

47:33This is soon banned though. It's the same issues. But it's like the beginning of a porn video where they're trying to build story. Yeah. And you're like, skip, skip, skip. But imagine that's the live, that's live theatre. Boring, boring, skip. It's Michael Sheen and King Lear. At the Globe. And you're just there going, skip, skip, skip. Can we get to the interval? I want to fuck Michael Sheen.

47:54So Kabuki actors become cultural celebrities. Prince, the wooden block thing they carve wooden blocks some form of art a long history of that which is what feeds into the anime which is when the American Disney art of animation meets their long history of wood carving in prints that's what creates and they make a print that students now have everywhere on t-shirts yeah some waves exactly and that's what they did it for because they have a thing called oh yeah ukiyo-e ukiyo-e which means pictures of the floating world now the floating world is i think all the prostitution stuff it's seeing as it's upside down world it's the red light district but it's not seen as this seedy thing it's seen as a uh sort of like purgatory right so they would often sit as they'd have it floating literally on like a yeah there'd be a barrier of water yeah and it was like to get into this sort of floating brothel it not anyone was allowed in no to pass tests it was like there was like a lot of respect for the prostitutes in there uh that you'd often get rejected to see how much i mean respect respecting prostitutes it's upside down lads yeah the past is another you think about like jack the ripper where any unmarried woman is a prostitute and therefore awful yeah this is very far from like having a floating palace for i can't relate i just can't relate to it at all um and they have to come and bring gifts or like art pieces to try and you know help fund the brothel isn't that crazy like a national heritage site but isn't that crazy isn't that the exact opposite of a prostitute what you don't have to buy them presents isn't that literally in the west it all feeds into modern japanese culture because they do things like they have those like um companions the boyfriends you know the renter boyfriend well they're not just that you the um you can rent people to grieve at funerals in japan yeah if you if you don't have enough friends to go to your funeral you can pay basically like emotional actors to come and cry at your dad's funeral yeah to make it seem like he's missed more than he is that's nice that's a lovely touch but it's the same yeah um it's the same thing it's just amazing in the west we view prostitution as like a dirty yeah low life form where and yet in japan you'd have to go and you know you'd have to engage them in conversation yeah and these women wouldn't just be sex symbols they'd be uh intellectually very weirdly you have to woo them that's what i mean normal women and you've got to pay them as well yeah yeah but i mean it comes from the history because in in the 10th century in the other golden age it's very funny the courting stuff right where basically you wouldn't see because the early japan it was so delicate and elegant and everyone was writing poetry really advanced sophisticated social strange norms but it'd be like you wouldn't ever see the woman right so maybe they'd ride in like a carriage and just have like a gown hanging out that would be it and so the idea of that if you're a nobleman you'd start writing her endless poetry right and you just be write poems poems have no idea what she looks like and her house would be like a burka like she'd be hidden within all these rooms and then when she finally gives you the go ed you sneak in when the lights are off yeah and you have sex with her and you don't find out what she looks like until your wedding day i mean that's basically marriage now sneaking in with the lights off living outside um now the courtesans we will be doing on the Patreon we'll be doing a day in the life of a Japanese courtesan as our bonus episode this week.

51:17So this is kind of the gone age of the geisha is coming into this. Yeah geishas and courtesans are slightly different but we'll get into that. Peasant families would sell their daughters to pleasure houses to pay off the debts and they're expected to begin work as soon as they hit puberty. Bonnie Blue's parents. That's starting to read more. Yeah exactly. Prostitutes would amputate their fingers to give us presents to their favorite clients or show devotion and rather than waste right yeah that doesn't quite so prostitutes chop off a finger to the to as a present to their clients right not to call a prostitute easy in any way these ones are some of the most difficult prostitutes in the world in many ways you're going one and then she's got no fingers yeah i don't know if i'm special special if you've only got thumbs left yeah and also i might want a thumb up my ass not a fist so i would like to have some dexterity yeah it seems like a big show devotion but here we go rather than waste digits high level prostitutes would buy them off beggars or cut them from corpses that's just absurd that's brilliant and so an underground economy for human body parts develops which is quite fun nice um now geisha become sort of distinct from courtesans because they're more like entertainers and i guess they're more like cabaret yeah to the to strippers i guess that's the difference and japanese sense of humor so there seems to be like and entertainment uh culture growing in japan but they don't have like the japanese sense of humor is quite a strange one right yes like i don't think they're the the naturally the funniest people apart from on maybe their game shows that's where the real humor comes out yeah where they have all like there's an amazing japanese game show uh or like just a clip from it where it'd be like they they just filmed down this big alleyway in tokyo and they wait until there's one person walking alone and they have about 200 people waiting around the corner and 200 people run down at full speed yeah just screaming yeah and you just see someone what would you do if you're walking down anyway and everyone just runs yeah and that's good stuff that is good stuff um so the uh Takeshi's Castle when does that this is before Takeshi's Castle pre Takeshi's Castle I think Takeshi's Castle uh that's maybe at the end of this period of history Takeshi's Castle I watched that a lot as a kid i absolutely loved to crush his castle but very culturally significant because i do think that's the the precursor to squid game a lot of these things yes mr beast games all of these things come off the back totally to catch his castle um so the qo e wood block they are pictures of the floating world of the kind of um prostitute houses and they're affordable prints that are erotic scenes charlie could you find some shunga some woodblock shunga this is early hentai i guess carved into wood just imagine the horniness of someone carving an erotic wood oh man they've they've got wood they're carving woods they're trying not to bust and can you find charlie i wanted to see if you could find any squid chunga where does the octopus as a sex object come into japanese culture is it as early as the 17th century what's that is that squid porn you're joking fuck me we found it right is that ancient squid porn we found ancient squid porn this is from 1991 okay okay right nevermind are you sure I mean there's all sorts 1903 1903 that's pretty early this is I don't know when that's from so they've always had the horn 1870 1870 damn is this still the Edo period 1870 that's the restoration just but look a japanese woodblock print octopus shunga so octopus porn has been going since the the the mid-19th century history of octopus porn charlie could you ask chat gpt for a kind of cultural explanation of of octopus part why is japan why is japan unique why specifically japan so uh you know so enraptured with squid porn octopus but why is it a sexual thing, the octopus.

55:25Their view of sex as well is much more casual than British people's views, right? Because this is where British people... British people are much more concerned in the sense that it's a much less big deal. Yeah. Okay, that first one is actually the most famous root of octopus porn, and it's from 1814. 1814, the dream of the fisherman's wife. Wait, that first one, that's 1814? Yeah, the dream of the fisherman's wife. And that's... It's called Takotaama, wow it depicts a female pearl diver in a section embraced with two octopuses octopi the sea was mysterious fertile sometimes dangerous make it a potent metaphor for desire and fear pearl divers were already sexualized figures in japanese art young women diving nude pairing them with marine creatures was both erotic and otherworldly and the tentacles were a kind of loophole for obscenity laws oh that's it interesting obscenity laws coming after the restoration style yeah we'll get to it we'll get to in our next episode that makes so much sense so the tentacle becomes a loophole for penises because of obscenity laws right right we cracked it that's what i wanted to get out of this series i wanted to understand squid porn and i now i can yeah so now you're not allowed to show cocks i can tell my wife this is actually um there's a reason for this that stuff you found there's a reason why i've got this on the tv i'm a japanophile anyway shunga are wildly popular across classes depicting both heterosexual gay and octopus encounters um and uh we'll we'll get to we'll get to the sort of shockingness later so we know we need to talk about the dog shogun and we should talk about sumo as well yeah so sumo coming in at this point sumo becomes codified as in sumo has been happening for a while it's been like a kickabout you know when you're just like kicking a ball around yeah on your road it's just a couple of fat guys fighting for a couple hundred years it's funny idea of what is non-codified sumo is it just yeah it's a pub fight from two a couple of fat guys fighting and then some guy some genius goes uh i reckon people have paid money for that yeah stick a nappy on them stick a nappy on that fat bloke and see you did you go to see sumo when you're out no i didn't actually i didn't see any i think we tried to it's a seasonal thing i think yeah the noise they make it's like walrus mating think it's gorgeous it's amazing i've watched a bit of sumo because my my um old flatmate's a big japanophile yeah and he went out and watched sumo and then you could still watch them live they don't get paid very much they're nearly always from like mongolia or the stans or something like that and it's more of a folk thing it's all like morris dancing it's not like yeah the morris dancing that's what we've got yeah it's so not this you know where i grew up there was morris dancers yeah and it's fucking old blokes who drink cider with red nose skipping with bells on it's twee it's annoying this is proper this is proper bloke nappy flower also the body positivity it idolized the big fat fuck yeah a sumo are they sex symbols I would say there's a sexiness to sumos sort of charging into women yeah yeah there's something to it sorry is there a female female subdivision is there a female there is yeah there's female sumo please get that up let's see these units if there's anything I want to I never want to see anything more actually than two female sumo wrestlers oh these are western these aren't big enough these are you call yourself a sumo fucking hell that's like a fucking antenatal class anorexic sumo wrestlers come on I want to see some here we go yeah that's AI isn't it is that AI yeah it's definitely AI come on come on I want to see some big women I want to see some big women smash into each other world women sumo thank you okay still not as big as you'd want oh there we go Russia Russia go on go mother Russia mother Russia I want to see two I want to Big units smash into each other.

59:10I think I've just found my new fetish. She sat on your face. No, I wanted to charge at me. Oh, gosh, gosh. Well, I mean, that was a mismatch from the offer, didn't it? Yeah, I mean, what did you expect? What did you expect? Absolute unit. So the goal is to push the other one out the circle. Yeah. Right, so it's just the biggest one wins. That's it, yeah. Isn't it? There's not much skill, is it, really? No, I don't think so. Just seems to charge. Anyway, back to octopus porn. So we need to get to the 47 Ronin, which is a big thing that happens in this period. So this is the start of the 18th century.

59:43So Lord Asano Naganori, who is daimyo of a small region, he's tasked with hosting some envoys from the imperial court, and he's taught to learn etiquette. Etiquette, very important. But tensions escalate over some bribes and insults. And then inside Edo Castle, Asano loses his temper and attacks Kira, who's the other person. with a sword right and this is you can't draw your sword in um in the castle that's treason right so he's ordered to commit seppuku that same day uh and the convocator's lands and there's hundreds of people now masterless samurai fuck uh and so a year later 47 of the ronin or his former samurai uh they plot revenge and they they take menial jobs and like disguise themselves for over a year they're going to deep cover deep deep cover right they maybe they marry they have families okay suddenly on the snowy night of the 30th of january 1703 they storm kira's mansion in edo they kill kira presents his head at the temple where asano is buried and then after the ronin had avenged their lord by killing kira all the public opinions on their side because they're like the events of death yeah because they love loyalty loyalty is like they ever get fucking turned on by loyalty.

1:01:00And they turn themselves in immediately and the shogunate faces this dilemma because obviously the public love them because of their loyalty. But if you pardon them, it undermines everything. So as a compromise, seppuku. And everyone's like, that's a brilliant... Fair's fair. They've had to commit seppuku. That's only fair. Yeah. And we should just to end this episode deal with what seppuku happens now because what happens to seppuku now is that it becomes much more formalized. Like sumo wrestling, seppuku is codified in this period there is a ritual aspect to it so it's not so much just killing yourself to avoid capture it's killing yourself as a way of atoning for stuff and it's like it's witnessed and it's seen by yeah it's like witnessing a document yes exactly yeah yeah it's a legal thing yeah okay um i need my housemate to witness the signature and then there's the goodness world records there for the most seppukus you gotta get the guy you got the guy's got to witness that synchronized seppuku yeah um so you cut the abdomen open which is believed to house the person's spirit sure um it's not always private now the most recent seppuku so there's a there's a guy well there's an olympian who did it in the um in 2001 uh because he um his company went under and he just did it right this guy kimitake hiroaka right he's like an author who nominated for Nobel Prize in Literature five times.

1:02:21Yeah. He's also an ultra-nationalist. Yeah, yeah. Far-right ideology. And it's very controversial. So he's basically like Japan fully cucked over to America. And he was an outspoken against that of like going back to Japan's stance during World War II ultra-nationalism. Yeah, he's basically alive in the hee-hee-hee. And he wants to go back to the... Yeah, yeah. Um, so in, in 1945, after that night, night to bed after that, Japan, um, the Americans write a constitution for Japan and they say you can't have an army. And he, um, is trying to overhaul that and says that we should revoke that article, the constitution.

1:03:02So in 1970, he goes, uh, to a military place in Tokyo with four others, barricades the door to an office, gives this prepared speech on a balcony to the soldiers about how he's trying to inspire a coup to restore direct rule to the emperor over all the constitution um helicopters drowned out some parts of the speech yeah he irritates he irritates the soldiers who heckle him um he shouts where has the spirit of the samurai gone retreats to the office apologize to the commandant and there's a commits a book well that is the spirit of the samurai his chosen second was unable to cut off his head after three failed attempts someone had to step in and complete the task you don't want that but what's amazing is do you not reckon they just will have shot him or is it still like it's ritual that's what i mean is that once someone starts does someone else have to cut his head off i mean this is your big moment you want it to be and do they just have swords yeah it's not the same if you just get blasted in the head it's not the same as being part of this long line of japanese people cutting themselves open with a katana someone has to step in and be cacky him oh sorry oh sorry oh sorry right come on guys he needs help here he's out he's like no please no cut my head off oh what oh sorry anyway um so urban culture flourishes in the edo period what hip-hop and stuff hip-hop graffiti uh graffiti skate parks are flourishing everywhere the japanese doing some sick parkour yeah yeah um and you know trainers quarters and squid porn we found it woodblock prints all that stuff um but in our next episode our final part of this Fuel Japan series we will see how Japan's policy of isolation ultimately although it may make their culture very strong ultimately forces them to open up and restore the emperor yes now that episode's already on our Patreon where for£3 a month you can become a truther and get early access to episodes ad-free listening and also you get you make some friends who also 3D print katana swords onto the inner rectum the inner rectum of this podcast and it smells just as bad as someone's in the rectum uh anyway thanks for listening see you next time from our last part of feudal japan push your limits train with precision see the results At Equinox, that's high-performance loving.

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As war turns to peace, the Japanese find they have more time to shove anthropods up themselves 

The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened. 

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Chapters;

00:00 Hideyoshi is baking

6:48 The OG Korean War

14:17 Not My Words  

21:02 Edophilia 

24:45 #comeonethal 

29:03 Dual Nature of Japan 

34:53 Cool Japania   

41:03 Theatre is too horny  

46:35 Golden age of Geisha 

52:26 Stick a nappy on em

55:01 Turned on by Loyalty

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