A Duke of Edinburgh Award With Live Ammunition | Margaret Thatcher & The Falklands (Part 4/6)

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0:33Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue, and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more. For a limited time, you can get a Big Mac meal for just$8.

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1:45Guys, Christmas has been and gone. Physically, you're in the worst state you've ever been in. Why not invest in some large, extra, extra, extra, extra large t-shirts? Yeah, with a lot of room to grow. Yeah. Well, probably not much room to grow after how you disgraced yourself over the Christmas period. No, but let's be honest, you're not shrinking either. So this is your new size, your new frame. And why not dress that frame in some Finn vs. History t-shirts? The store is active now. If you've got some absolute tripe for Christmas and you'd like to return it, why not use that money to buy a Finn vs.

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3:08welcome back to fin versus history i'm joined by horatio gould sorry christ i'm very ill but we we keep going we keep going the british never surrender no we will fight them in the podcast studios we will fight them on the boggy Pete. Yes. This is the Falklands War. This is the finale of the most climactic event in 20th century history. The turning point. The turning point. Everything goes from here. All roads lead to 1982. To Port Stanley. To Port Stanley. Except I don't actually know how many roads are on the Falkland. Can we find out how many roads are on the Falkland Islands? I imagine it's less than 20.

3:48What do you think has got the least roads? I think 45. 45. How many roads? There's around 536 miles of road networks. I think it's just one massive road. It's like Mario Kart. Right. I was just around the south. So it's a Mario Kart course. Yeah, it is. It's a pretty miserable Mario Kart course. They're normally quite like colourful. It's just rainy with a couple of penguins, I guess. Bogs. And can we just compare that with the road network length on the mainland of the UK? Just to give our thick listeners some perspective. A road network you probably know quite well. percentage wise don't get me started 262 ,000 miles so how many what was the Falklands 500 500 right so very few roads lead to Port Standard almost no roads lead to the Falklands but it is the southern part of the UK it's true it's a southern border 524 Falklands is the same amount of road as the UK but it's all one nation under God of course stop the boats and in 1980 in 1982 the filthy dirty Argentines invaded their fascists who electrocute poets.

4:59They're actually fascists. That's just not someone we disagree with. I know. They're actually fascists. Self-identifying fascists. It's not just someone on Twitter. No. No, they are genuinely fascists. This is pre-Twitter. We should place this. This is 1982. So this is what after is that, is this after Joy Division's first album? Wow. Yeah. And then it'll be before Blue Monday. New Order. So is what's his face has he hanged himself it's going to be post punk go on yeah 79 and then Blue Monday let's have a look so this is the music that's going on in this era is great like the response to the depression of Thatcher is some wonderfully miserable music well New Order is 1983 so that's that is that's probably one of the best the best placings we've had and also so Ian Curtis when did Ian Curtis kill himself it must have been 1980 I want to say did Ian Curtis kill himself we don't know it's the most pointless because no one has conspiracy theories I would like to question it 1980 I would like to question Ian Curtis's death.

5:54So Ian Curtis made two unbelievable albums, killed himself, and then they reformed his new order. Yeah. And that's all happening amongst the backdrop of the Falklands. And did he kill himself? Was this the first moment in the Falklands war? The starting gun. Was Ian Watkins... Ian Watkins... I don't think Ian Watkins killed himself. Now, no one's saying he did. I think Ian Watkins is Ian Curtis. He just changed his last name. I think the joy division is named after a phalanx that Ian Watkins is trying to start. Rest in peace, Ian Watkins, friend of the pod. Say his name. What about Ian Watkins?

6:37I stopped keeping up to date with him. He's a musician. Yeah, like 2010s, I stopped really focusing on what he did. But it's a shame he's not making the music anymore. They're still on Spotify, their music. Oh, great. Which is strange. Even if you're still out there. Given what's not on Spotify, it's weird that they go, nah. Messaging, we'll get you on a guest as a show. Rolf Harris music still on Spotify. Brilliant. What happened to Rolf Harris? Sorry? What happened to Rolf Harris? I don't know. He was brilliant. Animal Hospital, I think. Yeah. Yeah, well, great. It's a shame that stuff's gone.

7:06Won't kill it. Yes, exactly. Gary Glitter's music. It's funny that you can be an active paedophile, but if you're silent on Israel-Palestine, keep playing the music. Yep. Keep playing it. Keep playing it. Anyway, Ian Curtis is dead, and I think Galtieri killed him. But that's my personal theory. We are talking about the Falklands, which has been heating up. The Belgrano was sunk rightly. Thatcher, Mummy, has gone all out. She's moving all her troops. The task force land on East Falkland in, I want to say, the end of May 1982, the 21st of May. 3 ,000 Royal Marines. We can't sit there. we can know this is something we can know we can't know if ian curtis killed himself we can't know if ian curtis is now in watkins who then got killed yes we don't know we can't know did ian watkins kill himself did jeffrey epstein yeah are they all the same person what can kill himself by stabbing yourself loads of times in the neck with loads of different knives maybe yeah we don't know um roughly 10 000 ground troops are on the islands by the time of the final offensive final offensive makes me laugh for some reason whenever i say it because it just sounds The final...

8:17It just sounds like they're just doing racist actions. That's the last letter to this podcast. The final offensive. Just the offensive, for some reason, seems like you're underplaying shooting them with guns, for some reason. Well, it is weird, isn't it, that I cause offence, and yet these people are gunning down Argentines. Yeah, I guess it is offensive. From the Argentinian perspective. Yeah, as offensive as you can get. How dare you shoot me? Yeah. And the average age of the troops in the task force was 25. I watched a video last night of when the Falklands properly kicked off. All these young boys going into, I mean, many of them were unemployed.

8:49I guess that's part of, that's Thatcher's fault as well. But they were going to sign up and they're going, we're a great country. We need to, you know, all these boys, they're patriotic forever. Similar to like just after 9-11 and when everyone goes to sign up in America. To fight in the Falklands. Yeah. Yeah. I know who did it. Immediately. I know who did it. It's those argy bastards. They did it. So obviously we'd covered in the last two episodes, the naval skirmishes, the insane bombing raid via Ascension. I mean, what was really interesting in the last episode is realising that, yeah, a plane shooting a shit like that, like a sea battle, hasn't really happened.

9:23No. Since World War II. I don't know how, like, unique it was to have that sort of warfare. Well, no, well, this is a... Two big boats. You have no fights between guys with two big, big boats. No, I mean, that's like, that's the 19th century, gunboat war. Yeah. But this is in the 1980s. We're running that shit back. And we feel good about ourselves. Yeah, exactly. The Falklands, all of the vibe there is the 50s and the 40s. It's all just running that shit back. Yeah. So we are. Yeah. If you don't know, basically what happens now, the land war is essentially a Duke of Edinburgh competition with live ammunition.

9:55The Falkland is a model village that Britain desperately needs to protect from actual fascists, which to be fair, the model village is very close to. Yeah. So the task force moves to the amphibious phase. Landings at San Carlos Water on East Falkland. Now they land on the eastern side of the islands. And Vibius landings are very difficult. So that's the big advantage that the Argies have is that they're on land and it's very hard to - They're in trench, but they're expecting the landings - Create a beachhead. Yeah. Oh, the dads. Oh, the dads. Ah! Yeah. There's a soundboard of words that if you hit in enough, in the right, if you thread again in the right order, dads will come.

10:36Well, like their G-spot. Beachhead, redoubt, sandbag. silent at christmas you bring up beachhead dug in they're dug in in the sandbank beachhead yeah yeah dads are just like well you know at dunkirk it was like the the myth right is that there was like loads of fishermen who sent their boats but i think this is like there's loads of dads in the shed painting and then they put down their paintbrushes they hear the foghorn of war so uh they landed now the argentines are expecting us to land by port stanley so they've entrenched port stanley but we surprised them by landing at the opposite by flashing them yeah yeah we flashed them and they're probably into that these sick fucks but we landed the other side of the island um uh san carlos at night and obviously like landing for some reason that's i'm like that's what i would do yeah you always say this though yeah i know but you always have these amazing epiphanies when you realize what history happened yeah i'd probably do wait so they all think we're coming from there what if we come from there yeah it feels quite obvious yeah it doesn't mean it's not good no it's good it's good yeah well are you are you criticizing the british military generals for being unoriginal my problem is whenever i hear military plans because they've already happened yeah they assume and they worked yeah i'm like yeah that's why i would have done that i would have double i would have double bluffed i would have gone they they're entrenched there yeah so they think they're going to not go there but we are going to go there we're all gonna die so you're just that's not what they'd expect you get no points for originality here nuke peru surprise attack yeah they were not they weren't ready that would be very funny argentina wasn't ready for it if you were prime minister what should we do should we invade port stanley or the key thing in war is the element of surprise to nuke a neutral third party but the args are not ready for it they're not prepared crucially neither are peru just a bunch of people in fucking have nothing prepared for the the possibility imagine the press conference after you did that uh prime minister are you sure you know where argentina is confident i meant to do that i meant to do that i thought why not bring why not rain rain down we've rattled the argentinians they have no idea what we're going to do next peru is thousands of miles away from argentina um they don't do that they decide to land at san carlos and they do it at night and The thing landing implies it's very quick, but it's not because they're going to unload all their fucking kit and all their vehicles, you know, tanks, transport radios.

13:00So the Argentines work out eventually when they fucking wake up that the Brits have landed. What's interesting is that it's very hard for them to know where we're going to land. But that also, I feel like I would be able to find out where we're going to land. There's so many of us. Yeah, but also there is no distinctive like when you say like, oh, I'm going to Germany. Oh great, did you go to Berlin? Like I'm going to the Falkland Islands. Oh, I don't know. There's no - What, there's no landmarks? No, there's no like fun places to go. So that's why - Oh, you gotta go Stanley. You know, no one's saying that.

13:30Are you saying why the Argentinians didn't pick up where we were going to land? Because there wasn't like an Eiffel Tower for them to - Yeah. There was no fun tourist attractions. Oh, I know where they'll land by that massive, massive thing of hay. Look, I clearly got this wrong, but in my head, if I was the Argentinians defending spending this island. The key thing is knowing where Britain's going to land. So you don't give them a head start. Surely you have like big patrols the whole time. But this is what they do. What is it, Charlie? Is this the origin of, is argy-bargy from the Falklands?

14:00I think probably, yeah. That's a very good point. I mean, this is an argy-bargy. This is an argy-bargy. The argy-bargy. It's from Scottish. And it means a lively discussion, which I... I guess this is in a way. In a way. It's an incredibly mild way of putting a conflict where a thousand people... We had a lively discussion over the Falklands. We beat the Argentinians in the marketplace of ideas. Yeah, and of guns. So they eventually find that the Brits are unloading in San Carlos, and then they launch loads of air attacks, and this hits and sinks a lot of British ships, the HMS Ardent, Antelope, and HMS Coventry.

14:39Coventry's been through enough. Don't call it that. If you name it that, then it's going to get bombed to ship. You've been to Coventry? Yes, it's awful. You went to uni there. I went to Warwick and you don't find out you're in Coventry until you get there. Yeah. I went, I looked around Warwick and I went, you're out with me on here. This isn't Warwick. This is Coventry. I'll tell you what Coventry has is a massive Ikea. And apart from that, there's nothing there. There was a gig that used to run in Coventry. And my God, like the best thing about it is the underpass on the roundabout. That's the only bit of beauty.

15:07While I was saying that, this is Miss Coventry, is it? She looks lovely. Mr. and Mrs. Coventry. where's mr coventry your misogynist pig charlie it says on facebook there's a mr coventry oh hello hello mr coventry meet the new mr coventry uh anyway the hms coventry sinks this is where they fuck us the most right this is the apart from maybe the sinking of the sheffields but this is where uh they they take the most damage because they do sink a lot of sitting ducks we are sitting ducks uh but you can see on the map if you're watching there's a little inlet so it's sheltered It's not quite as windy.

15:43So they do eventually establish a beachhead. But I believe the key thing, though, is that they choose to put all their firepower on the ships in harbour, or the ships that are off the coast, but they don't know where the amphibious landing is. Right. And so they put all their firepower in the wrong thing. Even though they've damaged a lot of the ships. We get on board. The key thing is once you're on land, the war's basically tied up. But also, a lot of the Argentine bombs don't blow up because there's a sort of Argentine paddy factor. where they don't set the fuses correctly. Are you saying the bomb's having a siesta?

16:14But it seems that way. I'm saying that maybe they got the IRA to fuse the bombs, because a lot of the bombs don't blow up. So they could have absolutely pounded us. The sort of Pampas factor. Yeah, the Pampas factor. Thank you. The bombs are having a little sleep. Chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more. Botox, onabotulinum toxin A, prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they start. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It prevents on average 8 to 9 headache days a month versus 6 to 7 for placebo. Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor.

16:49Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. Allerge your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects.

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17:59Whether you DIY it or want a pro to handle everything from measure to install, we have you covered. Real design professionals. Free samples. Zero pressure. Right now, get up to 45 % off with minimum purchase. Plus get a free professional measure at blinds.com. Rules and restrictions apply. Now, so the men get on board and they have to basically wade through freezing cold water. The landing zone is essentially bogs. Wait, hold on, hold on. Sorry, what's this? An estimated 100 ,000 or more penguins may have died in the areas affected by war. Wow. Oh, it's because of oil spill. so it's over it's not 100 ,000 dying from helicopter fire yeah strafing penguins like Stalingrad for penguins penguin grad Christ fucking hell I mean when we talk about war casualties I suppose I guess if there's enough penguins then they do become a pretty key war casualty and three whales and three whales of course is that enough to have a monument?

18:55when it says so due to oil spills and general disruption but that's like passive smoking yeah general disruption Is that because they're like routines? You can't say that he killed, I've not killed you because I'm smoked near you. Yeah, but it's like my whole routine's off so I'm going to die. Yeah, exactly. Are they autistic? How much do they need a routine? Just swim away from the oil lads. Again, it sounds simple in retrospect. But they have to wade through freezing cold water with loads of kit. And I watched some videos of the war and the landscape is horrible. It's awful. There's like boulder fields.

19:27Yeah. And they've got to walk across it at night. And it's like, This is a sprained ankle waiting to happen. Sure. This terrain. It's wet. It's dumpy. Also, so they've got a lot of trench foot. Yeah. But I've got waterproof shoes. They didn't seem to have them. All right. I'm going to show off. But I guess this is pre... I've got waterproof shoes. But is this pre-Gortex? This podcast going very well. I've got waterproof shoes. Well, is this pre-Gortex? It must be pre-Gortex. When does Gortex start, Charlie? Surely now they wear Gortex, right? You would think the military have waterproof shoes.

19:57They're not all like gorp-cored out, though. Yeah, that's what I mean. that should be caught out. Founded, always slightly wrong. 69 Gore-Tex, but the first commercial outerwear product came around in 1978. Like just dripped out in the Falklands. Yeah. I guess North Face. Gork DeMarco's or Oregon. North Face Gore-Tex. I mean, really, we should have sent a phalanx of lesbians. Yes, they're the most waterproof of all sexualities. They are, they are. They are, but they would have, I mean, this is their terrain. Yeah. Falkland Islands is lesbian Valhalla. Because they're so used to going down Wow.

20:29Stinky. Stinky bogs. It's because it's hiking. It's like all this terrain is, it's hiking. Right. It's just women with sensible shoes and a couple of sticks having at it. What's going down in that little craggy little split there? My point is, the lesbians would have been perfect for the Falklands. I think this is... They're a vanguard. They are. They should be. They're a vanguard in gentrification as well. They're the first people you send in. We've spoken about this before. Lesbians are the first wave. They break through the walls. They turn a kitchen dining room into one room. They do all the infrastructural.

21:04The spearhead, much like Hitler's panzer division, we should have had a lesbian division. Yes. Going in, breaking through the lines. They don't sleep. They love hiking. They just walk. They hate men. They hate men. Famously. They hate men. They're thick set. They've got low central gravity. These are stout lesbian women. Powering through. Balding. Yeah. field marshal claire balding leads the forkline now speaking of national treasures prince andrew is uh yeah there's pedos from above like dragon we've got we've got lesbians the rgs don't stand a chance they don't stand a chance we've got air pedos andrew's flying sea king helicopter missions uh sea king um now this is we should spend some time on this because this is crucial in his defense against the slander that news night so of a veteran i mean of a war veteran i mean help for heroes were completely silent when he was going through all this where we're helping heroes where we need to shake our tins to collect pennies for the lesbian restaurants of the falkland islands now his role was to um evacuate casualties from shore back to the ship to transport supplies and personnel which was happening the whole time the The whole time.

22:23A key part of the conflict, right, was the helicopters moving things from place to place. So there's some of the constant... Basically, the aircraft carriers in the fleet were at the base, and he was shuttled running supplies. Now, he also participated in decoy missions to deter submarine and air threats. Right. In 2019, Prince Andrew claims that he developed a temporary inability to sweat following a traumatic, quote, adrenaline overload in the Falklands. So what's happening there is that he got so excited on a helicopter run that he could never sweat again. So Queen Elizabeth apparently can't sweat.

22:59So there's maybe like a... Can she not? She never could, apparently. There's some footage of her like in... She has to pant like a dog. Yeah, she pants like a dog. What's it called? Anadrosis, a condition characterized by poorly functioning sweat glands. It can be genetic. Prince Andrew's claim is that he didn't inherit it, but he contracted it as a result of adrenaline overload. when he was a helicopter pilot. Now, the only time this has ever happened, there's a science experiment where they tested whether this could happen. It was in horses. Right. So it's happened once to a horse. But Queen Elizabeth loves horses.

23:35Look, they're horsey people. So she could have been fucked by a horse. And that's Pris Andrew's half horse. Yeah. Anything's possible. I mean, they do look a bit horsey that lot. There's a horse in there somewhere. The only time I see her smiling is at the horse racing. Yeah. so um you heard it here first qe2 loved horse cock you heard it here first um so the andrew is shuttle running so he's doing decoy missions so people which arguably yeah his role with epstein could be a decoy yes he could be a decoy pedophile yeah people off the scent of a false flag yeah yeah i don't know what he's throwing people off the scent of though no no i was going so that people wouldn't wouldn't think wouldn't real pedos wouldn't go is that the defense yeah yeah no i was on the plane i was at the pedo island but i was there i was a decoy because if i wasn't there then a real pedo would have gone so think of it that way actually that's smart yeah that is really smart yeah what a legal mind this guy is now amongst the pedo communities they can now trust no one no because they're like one of you guys could be a decoy you could be a mole exactly now the other thing i should say is that doctors think that if that is a thing doctors hate it would it would result in more sweat not less which makes sense to me Was he sweating during the interview when he said he wasn't sweating?

24:50No Famously he was ice cold Is that the worst interview ever? Has there ever been a more disastrous interview than that? Why are you gay? Guy Gomer's up there He killed it Guy Gomer slayed That's the worst interview ever It's the most deluded because at the end of it he thinks he's nailed it and he shows Emily Maitlis around the palace and he's like I've absolutely I've hit this for four no more questions a man who's not really been told no ever or doesn't listen to no it's crazy anyway as I said they're allegations and he's a veteran and we should say thank you thank you for his service we wouldn't have won the Falklands without Prince Andrew no we get to the Battle of Goose Green the name that shudders throughout history now this is quite funny because this is a if you look at the map it's kind of an irrelevant position but the The British state needed a win.

25:46Politically, we need an early land victory. Yeah. We needed a big sun headline. Yeah. And Goose Green is not really near Stanley. It's not really near where any of the major, you know, RGs are. But a parachute regiment is ordered to attack Darwin and Goose Green. It's a small settlement. And historians argue that this was basically more symbolic. Yeah. Right. now much to the chagrin of the Brits the BBC broadcasts the news of the imminent attack on the World Service which I'd say given that we're military experts I'd say don't do that I wouldn't do that and they were listening as well planning a surprise attack yeah night raid it's like them saying we're going to nuke Peru before we do it don't tell them that they've lost the whole element of surprise the whole power of the nuke Peru policy is that they don't expect it operation llama exploder operation fuck llamas yeah lieutenant jones is in charge of the operation to um assault goose green he says after the broadcast he's going to sue the bbc whitehall and the war cabinet he's a lot of fun i can imagine so this was intense fighting close quarter infantry engagements mortar fire machine gun jewels it's at night it's boggy fun being that justifiably upset in the Falklands.

27:06Yeah. That's what British dads have that pitch anyway. But it's about someone not resealing the ham, you know, or do you know what I mean? For God's sake. No, it's about them having like too many black people on Newsnight. Right. I'm going to sue the BBC. But now he gets to say that, and that must feel amazing, having a justified... Yeah. The way he said it, he must have absolutely loved the way it came out. Oh, for God's sake. So what he does is the Argentine forces are dug into trenches and positions and there's lots of fighting and I think the British have already basically routed the Argentine forces because we're professional soldiers.

27:43And they're shivering conscripts. Yeah, and he leads a charge on an enemy machine gun position despite this and is immediately killed. But he was desperate to be in battle. Yeah. But he'd read all this stuff growing up and he thought he'd never get an opportunity. Just fuck it, do it live. We've already won the war. Leroy Jenkins. Basically, so yeah. he was desperate to be in a battle. So he goes, fuck it. You know, he just breaks cover, runs into machine gun fire, instantly killed. Later, all of the Victoria Cross. Right. And it's a bit of a controversial, because whether it was at all necessary, this whole thing.

28:15So military historians are still debating it, right? The goose green. Well, yeah, it doesn't seem, strategically doesn't seem that important. But the Argentine commander, Lieutenant Colonel Italo Piagi, surrendered about a thousand men to a comparatively small British, well, I think about 500 British forces. says the Argentine conscripts were so cold and underfed that they surrendered instantly um the civilians from goose green had been under house arrest they were released uh and this meant that the british troops could carry on advancing uh over their rough ground so this is what's horrible it's like 60 miles from where they land to uh stanley yeah and as i'm saying it's just the worst terrain possible so this is called yomping right yeah which is just a lesbian thing yeah we're going out yomping tonight yeah you're on the yomp tonight lesbians out on out of the town to get some pussy yeah calling it yomping we're yomping tonight we're gonna go yomp some puss i'm gonna get my sensible shoes on get my gore-tex my north face my big sticks gonna go yomping um now yomping is a term for uh it's also a term for walking in full kit right right this is constant wind it's rain it's 60 miles 60 miles everyone's got trench foot the troops are sleeping in their wet clothes um a lot of the major battles are on basically to take mountains yeah but they're not really mountains they're like they might something like dimmux yeah basically this is the most intense fighting this bit coming up right yeah and it's it is horrible like listening to um accounts what have you why you got what have you I used to have this.