A Human Lasagna Left Out In The Sun | Idi Amin (Part 1/4)

27:55Yeah, he's a fucking unit. Yes. Now, a lot of the historians who wish to sling Amin's name around, drag it through the mud, they say that his taste for blood starts with how he was always rewarded for brutality in the King's African Rifles. So it's a Freudian thing, maybe. This is what they claim. I think, can't a guy just do a job well? But it's Pavlovian, actually. It's not Freudian. You know, Pavlovian response. He knows he smashes someone's head in. You'll get a choccy. You'll get some chocolate pudding. So yeah, they send him into the Mao Mao uprising in 53, which we covered briefly during the Prime Minister series.

28:36so the Mau Mau it's a bunch of it sounds a lot cuter than it is yes they're they're sort of they chop they chop people's heads off they're choppy choppy they should be called the choppy choppers the choppy choppers are have a go at the British in Kenya as it's then called Kenya Kenya my grandad still calls it that but I still called it that Kenya we're holidaying in Kenya this year now he Amin was nearly decapitated by a choppy choppy machete yes but he goes on to personally kill several rebels. It's all pretty gnarly. You know, long road to Rwandan genocide stuff. Hacky hacky. Yeah, Mau Mau, they were brutal rebels, but then the counter-insurgency was even more brutal.

29:20Almost as brutal as the British Empire ever got was the Mau Mau. Well, you're sending Idi Amin to fuck shit up. He's like Bane. He's the guy you call on. What is it, Charlie? It's all quite cute names. Idi Amin is quite a sweet name. You know, his full name is Idi Amin Dada. it yeah i mean dada that's nice yeah well actually it's not his full title which we'll get to in next episode um so commanders regard him as excessively violent and there's obviously a sort of uh racist lens that there's a stereotype that he's massive he's massive black he's strong what is that a stereotype yeah no sorry i thought i know yeah that's the truth he is though no i know yeah but but it's in their sort of viewing i think they they think he's stupid because that's the other part of that stereotype.

30:04Yeah. When actually I think he's much sort of more cunning than that. He's clearly got some street smarts. I'm just going to list some things that the British are accused of during the Mau Mau. Apparently. Apparently. Sexual assaults, setting people on fire, cutting off ears and castration. Make your own minds up. Sure. I've made mine up. We don't know what they'd said. We don't know what they'd done to provoke these things. Some of them may have said, please can you set me on fire? I'm very cold. Cut my ears off, please. Cut my ears off. I don't want to hear it. Yes, Charlie. Do you go deaf if they cut your ears off?

30:35We've had this discussion. One of the first steps. The first episode we had this discussion. What did we say? Nothing goes in your head at all, does it? I don't think you were. You don't need the outer ear to hear. We've had this discussion. So what's the point of the outer ear then? I think it catches the sound in your ear though. That was exactly the conversation we had. That was exactly the exact conversation. Now, Amin gets promoted to sergeant for his performance during the Mau Mau, the Choppy Choppy Rebellion, and he's praised by Superiors as, quote, a black man who can take on other black men.

31:04So this is when black on black violence was seen as a good thing? Yes. By the British state. They want to encourage black on black violence. You know, as a man, his other soldiers, he opens beer bottles with his teeth. He's that guy. Right. We all eat one. I can't do that. He opened beer bottles with his teeth as if that was enough. As if that was brilliant. But it's a very evocative note, I think. I think it totally describes who we're dealing with. Yeah, I guess it's a kind of mindset, isn't it? Yeah. It's a reckless. Fuck it. Fuck it. I'll do that. I've never been able to do that. I've always been terrified of breaking my tooth.

31:37Yeah, as you should be. To me, the risk reward of having to wait for a bottle opener versus like the humiliation of being seen to the owl and then still not have a beer to drink. You're not idiot, I mean. I'm not idiot, I mean. You've got a different mindset. I'm not idiot, I mean. You've got a mortgage. I've got a mortgage and I have several bottle opens. Not to brag, I have several bottle openers. Charlie, what have you just Googled? Tell us what you've just Googled. Tell us what you've just Googled. tell us what you've just googled can you open a beer bottle with your bum oh and what does AI of you say can you read that out please can you read that out please for the listeners it is physically impossible and biologically implausible implausible only implausible keep going to open a beer bottle using the anal sphincter muscle yeah I guess you could do it though if you've got the right clench keep reading keep reading the human body's anatomy and physiology are not designed for such a purpose the muscular structure and function of the anus are not capable of generating the specific force and manipulation required to operate a bottle opener or safely pry off a bottle.

32:33Safely. It does sound like AIO viewers tried it, though. Do you know what I mean? Well, it clearly knows who Charlie is because it's saying, please do not attempt such a feat. It would be extremely dangerous and could lead to severe injury, including rectal damage, severe bleeding, infection. I can work it. No, our listeners need to know. I can make the leap. They can't. They're thick, okay? They need to know they cannot open beer bottles with their bums. yeah it would be hard be very hard you'd have to have yeah you'd have to have a metal you could get a beer bottle put open it into put between your cheeks like i think i could open i think i could open a beer can with my ass yes i mean how do you get the leverage underneath well you need to prize it to 45 degrees well then yeah you're sort of cheating then why because you've already done you've already done half it would need to be a little it couldn't be one of those ones that's very stick stuck down but i think i could from there yeah i could squeeze yeah i open cans of my teeth because i haven't got any fingernails oh cans of your teeth like that you open cans what like even like cans of beans it's not sometimes yeah it's not that impressive opening a beer can with your teeth yeah well i just have i've got no choice opening a beer bottle with your teeth is cool opening a can of beans with your teeth is quite sad anyway uh amin is a laugh uh he's opening beer bottles with his teeth now uh memoirs by his officers describe him as a great soldier but also quote violent stupid and hypersexual which is a sort of cliche of black masculinity at this point but ameen leans into that he's sexy did you hear on the the noiser podcast we need to shout out the guy who does the noise it dictates because it is we have to listen to a lot of boring podcasts but they're very well done they are done well and we are trying to do more soundscapes and i am waiting for the right moment for us to do one yes um but did you hear when he interviewed uh like some female academic who just all she could say is how much he wanted to fuck idr mean basically she kept coming in just talking about how much we're hearing about a genocide and she's like yeah but he just had this aura yeah it's really sexy big man imagine that on top of you yes propel fitness water with gatorade electrolytes zero sugar and vitamins propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self.

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35:55On September 25th... No one's coming for us. It's just you and me, boy. 58 miles. Part of the Beast is the must-see adventure of the year. An incredible story of survival. I got you. One of the most extraordinary on-screen blonde you'll ever see. Only the greatest dog to ever walk the earth. Brad Pitt. I'll get you home. Heart of the Beast. Boline Theatre, September 25th. Ready PG-13. Maybe inappropriate for children under 13. He gets to Effendi, which is a warrant officer, which is the highest a black African can reach in the colonial military structure. Effendi, that sounds like a word for woke people.

36:35Yeah, Effendi. Oh, you're a fucking Effendi. now i've got like a slur for people who take offense yeah don't be an offendee chill out now in 1962 it's uh who's this mcmillan is uh mcmillan is watching his wife get railed and uh he's watching it like a cricket match right yes he's the lord's hum yeah nine hours it's peaceful he's not saying too much he's got he's sipping on a drink strawberries cream and champagne pimps pimps is a real cucks drink isn't it there's an upper class cuck drinking pimps drinking it all and just eating the fruit yeah uh 62 is when uganda gains independence from united kingdom shall we place this this would be the basis of edamine's uh story 1962 it's after the suez canal yeah what's that 57 52 uh it's 56 and it is before people started throwing rubbish in canals i think the canal has uh is a symbol of the west has fallen yes the canal has been is not held in the same esteem maybe since suez maybe i'm starting a theory wow where the suez canals uh loss yeah means british people go well i guess we don't care about canals i guess no canal is ours i guess canals don't mean anything i'm just gonna put a shop in short fuck it then that's a that's a tougher one to find as a historic thing i guess it's the general trend Charlie, could you find out when did people start littering in canals so much?

38:05When did the first shopping trolley go in a canal? Because I think maybe you have an idealised... Yeah, I feel in the Industrial Revolution, there's a lot of slurry in there. People saying industrial... Industrial rubbish. Okay. I think this might be all the nostalgia TikToks you're watching about the good old days. Yes. I think this is just LBC, really. Well, I do have a sense that in the 50s, people would not chuck a shopping trolley in the canal but maybe I'm wrong maybe yeah maybe it's because of the lack of shopping trolley but do you know what actually shopping trolleys weren't a thing because the supermarket comes in in the 70s or the 80s when was the shopping trolley British supermarkets the shopping trolley so it will work this placement will work we'll make it work if we get the first ever shopping trolley 1937 that's in Oklahoma in Britain when is the first supermarket in Britain open 1950 50.

38:5550.

38:59Okay. It's... Go on. Uganda becomes independent in 1962. This is... Right. Ah, ah, ah, ha, ha. There you go. The first shopping trolley thrown into the UK waterways. Became a major environmental issue. In the late 1970s. That's good. That's good. Thank you. Well, we've done it. And why is this... I can't remember why it's relevant. Is it because of all the strikes and just the general distrust in institutions? Our British Prime Minister series could also really be the history of shopping trolleys. Yeah. Yeah. They used to be a symbol of modernity. In the 50s, they're a symbol of modernity, right?

39:39The supermarket, the white goods revolution. Yeah. And now it's just fucking... Fucking in the canal. It's rubbish. I mean, I've never thrown a shopping trolley in a canal, but it does feel... Oh, you've not lived. You've not lived. It does feel like an amazing sense of reckless abandon. When I was 19 in Amsterdam, we met some Irish people on a pub crawl, me and my friend, and they tried to convince us to push a car in a canal. We didn't do it, but we tried for a bit. It was very heavy, though. That must feel amazing. Come on, would you get the car in the canal? Come on, would you? Come on! It's a very persuasive accent.

40:08Yeah, it is. You have a drink, will you? Yeah, chuck a... I'm trying to get the car in there, will you? Come on! You chuck a car in a canal, will you? Anyway, so... There's a lot of line bikes in canals. That seems to be the new thing. Well, this is what I mean. I mean, that's fun. If you just chuck a line bike in there, it is a lot of fun. Fuck off. Heavy, though. Big splash. My point is that Uganda becomes independent. You'd say probably the midpoint between the canal being a symbol of Britain's imperial pomp and it being littered with line bikes and shopping trolleys and condoms. It's the beginning of the speeding up of the decay of the British Empire.

40:41Yes. As seen through canals. Yeah. Now, his success sort of relies on the British colonial structure and the armed forces. So we now get into quite a complicated situation where Uganda's first prime minister is a man called Milton Obote. And he is well educated. He comes from the north. He's a different ethnicity to Amin. He is. It's not Milton Jones, Charlie. It's not Milton Jones. Milton Jones was not briefly Ugandan prime minister. I can't think of a comedian less suited to running Uganda than Milton Jones. I've got a lot of time for Milton Jones. I've played football with him. He's a very nice man.

41:18I think he would crumble day one. I don't think puns in a zany shirt. I don't know. I think cometh the hour, cometh the man sort of thing. Really? I think as soon as he puts the medals on, I think we'd see a different type of Milton Jones. I think he'd be the pun dictator. My granddad. I don't think it would work. I don't think it would work out of interest what kind of footballer would you expect Milton Jones to be can I tell you what it's not who he is right back goalie Michael Owen really bangs in the box bangs them in he fucking slaps them in and he doesn't celebrate either really yeah cold cold blooded he's like Miroslav Closer shrugs every goalie just shrugs off and goes yeah whatever very unlike his stage persona sure yeah anyway so Milton Abote not Milton Jones is um he's pan-African and he's a he's sort of a socialist and he wants to this is all the rage in 60s Africa because they're becoming independent they're looking at America yeah it's the decolonization era uh so he's pushing to nationalize major uh British industries there's a process called Africanization which the British hold a lot of the main positions but a Bote wants to Africanise all the institutions i.e.

42:43give all the jobs to black Africans that to be fair at the bottom of society underneath the Indians and the Brits. It's like driving a car and not teaching someone how to drive a car yes and then they're saying I feel I should learn how to drive a car fine and then you roll out the window go on then go on then fuck off Uganda and the you know this wave of decolonization happens far too quickly yeah and but again this is this is the the warm fertile breeding ground of the golden age dictators right very sexy it's the warm moist wet dripping dictators yeah do you know what i mean it's it's it seems like maybe we're part we're not having as many colorful dictators these days as we used to these days it these days.

43:29But it feels like once a colonial power leaves, the person who comes in and establishes power normally is quite a fruity man. Yes. Because there's a vacuum. Yeah. So Uganda does not have many highly trained senior officers. Promotions are moving faster than the training can handle because the Brits just fuck off. They're just like, we'll see you then. Fuck off. And so there's lots of ethnic tensions that the Brits just kind of abandon. Now, Abote quite quickly realises that he needs Idi Amin. Now, Idi Amin at this point is... To be fair to us, though, we are completely broke. No, we're fucked.

44:05We're completely fucked. This is during... We don't have any money. Alec Douglas Hume is in. Yeah. Not even he could turn the ship around. With his way with words, his ability to inspire the masses. I mean, in many ways, Britain's own Idi Amin was Alec Douglas Hume. A giant of a man. Figuratively and literally. Huge. So Abote realises that he needs the army to maintain any kind of authority. Now, Amin at this point is a lieutenant and he's one of the only two black commissioned officers in the entire force. And now in 62, Amin is sent to the Karimodong borderlands of Uganda and Kenya to deal with cattle rustlers.

44:48He, as is his way, threatens to cut the penis off every male Karimodong who refuses to surrender. he doesn't miss his words no it's a very ugandan it's an africa core i will cut your penis off i'll make you eat the poopoo if you do not surrender mama now he then kills allegedly 118 turkana tribes people by leaving them in cages stacked on top of each other and they suffocate in the sun so he makes a sort of people lasagna and then leaves it in the oven too long battery farm turkeys battery farm turkeys essentially but now they're all like he needs to be charged he needs to be court-martialed but they don't want to tarn it firstly they're terrified of him and he's so popular but he's a star he's a star but also it's one of the only black officers in the newly independent army the brits are fucking off they do not want to tarnish his reputation so in 63 he's promoted to major they're like just don't do that again don't make a people just fucking chill out don't make a people lasagna again look you wouldn't know what lasagna is because we're British and not Italian.

45:54It's not your fault. You're meant to layer ragu with bechamel sauce and then sheets of pasta. Not just put person, person, person, person, person. It needs to be a sauce in between. Yes, that might, maybe they would have been able to eat the ragu long enough for them to be released. We don't know. We don't know. We can't know. In 64, he's promoted again. He's now Deputy Commander of the entire Ugandan Army. Now in 61, there's a big wage dispute where Amin helps Abote to solve this. Amin comes in and basically tells them all to back down. They force feed. It's not Abote. Do they force feed Abote?

46:31Their rations or the general? They basically got shit rations. They turn their general into a suffragette basically and make him eat the shit they've been eating. A goose. Do they do that to suffragettes? It's force feeding. Do they do that? That's one of those famous things. Ladies, right? This is 101. They force-fed suffragettes. Yeah, I mean, how do you not... All I know is that they just couldn't stop... All I know is their fucking mouthy broads. No, all I know is that they just couldn't stop throwing themselves in front of horses. Yeah, no, because they all went on hunger strike. Oh, they were hungry.

47:04Oh, for God's sake. Well, I mean, my girlfriend often forgets to eat. It's girl dinners. It's just got to stop. Stop just eating crisps and then going to bed. You're going to wake up at two. I've got a headache. You haven't drunk water in three days. Yeah. No wonder they had to force-feed them. Where's your big sippy cup? I bought you a massive sippy cup. It's so ludicrously big because you always forget it if it's any smaller. Basically, women just walk around these days with fucking tankards of water. They're idiots. They need to be reminded by the size of their bottle that they have to drink water.

47:36You can lead a woman to water, but unless it's a big sippy cup, they won't drink out of it. And that's what the people who are force-feeding suffragettes are saying. Anyway, so Amin solves this dispute, but again, he agrees to pay their demands, but he is just more and more he's becoming the focal point of the army he's a guy that people like now we get to the 1966 buganda crisis now this is this is where it gets quite complicated you have the reigning kabaka who's the king of buganda as we said the sort of central central province in uganda his name is big deep breath sir edward frederick william david walugembe Mutebi Luagula Mutesa II.

48:14Fuck. That name really transitions. Otherwise known as King Freddy. It does transition, doesn't it? It's a good... It's four good old chaps. And then... And then they fall down the stairs. Yeah. It's a British colonial chap falling down the stairs. My name is Sir Edward Frederick William David Mutebi Luagula Mutesa II. That's when he gets up at the end. Yeah. but he's otherwise known as King Freddy they give him a Brazilian striker name yeah he's Fred he's Fred he's King Fred now he had been he'd been a very he'd been a much loved by the British and he you know he wore suits and he had been trading with the British both sides were enriching themselves off but Abote and Amin they're from a different part of Uganda they're from the north they resent how Buganda's elite power has survived the end of the empire.

49:11Abote is the first prime minister, but he doesn't really have any power over King Freddy, who thinks he's still the head of his region of Buganda. It's confusing. So it is confusing. The British have just fucked off, and they've left a sort of simmering, but no one really can claim. But the Brits don't like Abote because he represents sort of anti-colonial, potentially communist. He's uppity. Yeah. So there's a Simba rebellion, which is where a left-leaning coalition of insurgents called Simbas, they try and topple the central government during a, this is in the Congo. Can't deal with that now.

49:44Which we can't deal with that at the moment. The Belgium have gone, listen. The Belgium have done the worst anyone's done in Africa and then left immediately. The Belgians have managed the Congo fine. Okay, they've managed it. It needed managing. Yeah, it's a tough case. And also they're Belgian. They don't know how to do anything. I mean, I didn't read that Tintin book. Tintin in the Congo? Yeah, fuck me. This one's not really safe for work. Christ. Anyway, Abote backs the Simba and starts supplying them weapons. And the scandal that follows is known as the Congo Gold Crisis, where Abote and Idi Amin, together, as a bit of a naughty double act, they extract all the mineral wealth.

50:27Which is what you do in Congo. It's what you do in Congo, is you extract mineral wealth. Yeah, come on. When in Rome, do us the Romans. When in Congo, do us the Congans. Exactly. um i mean it feels like quite a nice male bonding experience to both extract mineral wealth together yeah it's like a nice day out it's a nice kind of i think it's a nice moment of platonic love what are you doing this weekend should go and extract some congolese mineral wealth making memories making memories that's all king leopold ii was doing okay i made some memories if that's a crime yeah i'm guilty then fine can a man not make memories anymore you know memories that last a lifetime now someone deposits 340 000 ugandan shillings which is about 200 grand into idiom bank which is more than he would have earned in a decade as the deputy commander of the army most officials right you don't get a great wage so you have to find other work but if i am part of that corruption i will defend it um he builds a large smuggling network and he's personally selling weapons for gold ivory coffee king freddy the bugandan demands an inquiry and this explodes into a political crisis, a constitutional crisis, where Abote and Amin double up and frame this as a Bugandan plot to try and get away with it.

51:40So Abote then cracks down on King Freddy. He arrests everyone loyal to King Freddy. He suspends the constitution. He declares himself president. King Freddy then fights back, and he ejects Abote and Amin from office. So it's kind of on the brink of civil war, which is important, Charlie. Is this going to be an important interjection? Is the money like Gringotts? Is it all physical money? Like, how do they do it back in the day? Now it's imaginary. Do you bank with Gringotts? No.

52:12What do you mean, how do they do it? Like, if you have 200 ,000 pounds, is it all just coins? Well, I think this will be wire transfer, I imagine. Really? Well, yeah. I mean, banking, you know, the international Wall Street crash of the 20s. You know, you wire someone money. Oh, yeah, yeah. Where are the wires? Electric money. I don't actually know. To be fair, it's not a terrible question. It does. You do wonder whether. Yeah, invoking Gringotts is quite. Yeah, maybe that was the wrong way around. Yeah, I don't think Gringotts got anything to do with Idi Amin's rise to power. But again, why would our listeners know that?

52:44Yeah, well, you know, we can't know. Now, Idi Amin and Abote are ejected from Buganda, which is where the capital Kampala is. So it's on the brink of civil war. So then we get to Idi Amin's sort of, I guess, maybe this is the origin story. This is like the big thing. This is Joker film. This is the Joker film. The Battle of Mango Hill. So 23rd of May 1966, England have got a good feeling about this. This year's going to be different. It's a home cup. It's a home cup. Nobby Stiles is at the back. We've got Geoff Hurst. The Charlton brothers. The Charlton brothers. I'm feeling good about this in deepest darkest Africa Idi Amin arrives in the capital Kampala at the head of a large military convoy he positions troops around the presidential palace King Freddy's palace, the Lubiri palace and begins pummeling it with 122mm cannons.

53:44Palace gets pummeled. Can we get a photo up of 122mm cannon? There's no two ways about it the palace was pummeled. Lubiri's pussy palace is getting absolutely pounded by Amin's massive cannon. Apparently he takes a turn himself laughing while he fires. He's a funny guy. He's a fun guy. I want to go. You know, if I was the head of an army, I'd be like, fuck up, you get all the fun bit. I just have to, I'm middle management at this point. I want to fucking go. Give me the cannon. Amin blocks the Red Cross from delivering aid. Soldiers then loot the palace, kill a lot of civilians uh and supposedly there are like lorries full of bodies uh but a boat just goes there's a few there's a few it's a police matter it's a police matter some of the loyalists to king freddy are buried alive um within an hour all the militia are dead and idi amin goes into the palace and takes king freddy's crown flag and uniform to a boat's office in a jeep so it is essentially like storming buckingham palace what's quite interesting about king freddy though is his escape right yes is that he manages to basically climb over the palace walls and he just hails a taxi it's very african escape isn't it he just gets an uber basically yeah yeah and then he he then gets given sanctuary by some catholic clergy uh disguised with a priest smuggling about the country and then he ends up in london where he dies of alcohol poisoning at 45 in rotherhive really yeah yeah so so he was those are some pretty gnarly pubs around there yeah that's That's Millwall territory, essentially.

55:13Yeah, but dying of alcohol poisoning at 45, that's serious, serious drinking, right? Yeah, but it's Millwall. He dies of old age in Millwall terms. That's like Sandro numbers, right? Surely. Yeah. 45. What are you drinking that day?

55:32Anyway. Can we get a photo of King Freddy? I just need to see. Let's see King Freddy. I imagine there's a bit of swagger. How much he looks like a booze bag. No, look at that. You can imagine him cunted. He looks small though. With a rollie. You can imagine him with a rollie in a pub, like kind of half asleep. Can you go King Freddy drinking in Rotherhithe? Let's see if there's... I wouldn't go on a pub crawl of Rotherhithe, put it that way. It seems like that's all he did. Rotherhithe tunnel, when was it? I know it's open currently. When did it open? I walked through it. There's no way. You walked through the Rotherhithe tunnel?

56:01You're not allowed to do that. I know. That's bad for you. It's really bad. No wonder you're ill. You might as well just be sucking on an exhaust for half an hour. I thought it would just be straight under well it is straight under but straight under is a while it's a while isn't it it hurt was it what the pollution yeah the pollution really hurt I just thought you could just you walked it's a really long tunnel yes yes I hadn't been under it before the one you can walk is in between Mud Street and Island Gardens that one's nice that one's nice and you can cycle it sometimes it's like 40 cigarettes I think in one trip I cycled on a line bike there about 11.30pm millennium done And there's no security cameras.

56:39It's pretty sick. Well, there was fucking like 10 teenagers who were looking. And it was like... And you're there going, excuse me. Well, I was just at pace and they were shouting at me and I was like, luckily the elevator came in time, but it was like, I could have... I thought they could have absolutely fucking... Oh, because the elevators are quite slow. Yeah. So I used to live in... But also imagine how pathetic that is. Because they're in the middle of the tunnel. I whizzed past... Are you on a line bike? I'm on a line bike. And then I press the button. You can't get it up the stairs. They're walking towards me.

57:12And it's like, if it didn't come in time, there's nothing you could do. You can't do that because you can't get the line bike up the stairs because it's heavy. No. So that would have been quite terrifying. What a way to go that would have been. Anyway, so he declares martial law, which is maybe his big error because it just means the army are even stronger now. The army are even more poised. So we get to the January 1971 coup. All the while... Sorry. Sorry. It's my dad. You know, it's my dad's coming to power. So after King Freddy's out of the way and Milton Obote's running the country, Amin starts recruiting soldiers from his tribal strongholds in the north of Uganda to shape the army into his own image.

57:55So he starts to kind of answer to himself rather than the state. Now, at this point, is he head of the army? Idi army. He's Idi army. Yeah. Idi army dada. He's the army dada. ID army dada ID ID army dada I mean I mean I mean dada well it's like it's either ID army dada or it's quite calm isn't it yeah I mean dada I mean he's he's a mean dada he's a mean dada he gets quite mean well that's why um dictators names they are just brilliant because they often Saddam Hussein is the perfect dictator name because it sounds like madman insane it's the perfect name. Idi Amin. Hussein the Membrane. So damn it, right.

58:41Yeah. Who's got the best dictator name out of us three? Charlie Milner's not... I don't think so. I think it's probably you. Yeah, Horatio Gould. That feels like there's a lot of corruption going on now. I defend it. Horatio sounds like a name. It feels like the name version of putting loads of medals. Yeah. That you haven't earned. Yes. Yeah. Now, Abote's head of the country. Amin's head of the army. It's the early 1970s. Abote is increasingly moving left politically. He's increasingly making anti-Western noises. And the Brits, who still have industrial interests in Uganda, are starting to get a bit worried.

59:18They start to think that Idi Amin would be a better choice for leader because he is someone who served in the king's rifles. He was very robust against the Mau Mau, the choppy choppies. And he's got a great affection for the queen and Scotland as well. He's a classic empire man in their heads. So the British, the American, and the Israeli security services, they start offering Amin assistance with the aim of maybe him taking power. Now, in 1969, it's the summer of love, but not in Uganda. I don't know how much love is going on in Uganda. So on the 19th of December 1969, Kabaka, that's Amin's tribe, loyalists try to assassinate Abote.

1:00:01They shoot him at close range. the bullet hits his cheek and goes out the other side which is kind of mental that is mental so Bote responds with emergency laws thank god his mouth is open I know the laws are anyone holding a gun in his presence instant death sentence throwing an egg is punishable by life imprisonment yeah I mean yeah and that's sort of fair yeah come on nah just fucking I mean Prescott's the closest we've ever got to Idiot Man I mean that's also so fair from Prescott fuck off you can't just throw an egg and not expect any retaliation. The Home Secretary is built like Idi Amin.

1:00:36He is our only version of Idi Amin. It's Prescott. Fuck off. Anyway, everyone expects that Amin's ordered this because it's his tribe that's done it. He was missing during the assassination. He claims that he fled without his shoes and left. Now, then a guy called Yere Okoyo tells Abote that Amin had organised the assassination attempt. Then a few weeks later, Okoyo and his wife a shot dead gun down on their doorstep. Authorities capture the gunmen. They claim that Idi Amin had paid them. Now, Bote still lacks solid proof, but he is now in between a rock and a hard place because he needs the army on side to keep this kingdom together, but the army is fully in the hands of Idi Amin.

1:01:19Now, Amin's corruption is becoming increasingly obvious. He has so much cash in his pocket that he's walking in a funny way. He's got like a limp. He looks like he's had double hip replacement. Just all coins rattling around. There are supposedly 35 million pounds worth of money meant for the military operations fund that have been misappropriated. Misappropriated. Cultural misappropriation. Could not tell you where they are. The money is in the air. Moving in the air. So in 1970, Idi Amin goes to Cairo for the funeral of Abdel Nasser. Who does he meet there? Our old friend, the colonel. this is this this will form the basis of a romance that we'll get into in the next few episodes in this series this is like better call saw when you see water white yeah it's like the crossover it's a great moment gaddafi and i mean bros you know that you know it's like when you meet someone new a guy man and they you know they finish they finish each other's sentences they call something gay and you call some retard and you're like oh you're down to fuck you're cool you know it's like you touch hands and this is how Gaddafi they're right it's a montage of them riding tandem bikes or they're they both maybe they name a random 90s Premier League footballer and they're like oh oh my god Phil Babb I didn't know other people knew about Phil Babb Charlie video of Phil Babb sliding into the goal post I know I know we nearly we had a lot of history this episode just quickly fire it up I want to see it again a waffy a thin mint a waffy a thin mint to finish us off Phil Bab Pelluigi Casaragi's first goal for Chelsea maybe the worst stream I've ever seen Phil Bab whoa god it's bad we're just watching footage of Phil Bab sliding into a goal post and it's I mean that's one way of having your tubes cut I suppose Phil Bab's not having kids today fuck me that's bad medieval vasectomy so whilst Amin is in Cairo meeting Gaddafi you know ooh yeah I met someone Einstein meets Oppenheimer.

1:03:30He's called the Colonel. Einstein meets Oppenheimer. Ant meets Deck. These great historical figures. These great historical figures. While he's away, Abote demotes him and assumes command of the army himself. So now, January 1971, Abote is away attending a Commonwealth summit in Singapore. And while he's away, he orders the Ugandan army to arrest Idi Amin. Now they then go, some of the army then go to Idi Amin and tell him, oh, we've been ordered to, arrest you but we're not going to do it because we love you yeah and so he didn't mean basically he's like fuck it let's go he's away let's have a fucking party while the parents are away and so he essentially then they i think the the guys just on the noiser podcast it seems like they hadn't planned this at all the guy's just like you know what we're not going to arrest you and we've we've also as a precaution we've just taken a radio station do you want to just do you want to just go and say you're in charge now yeah and then he's like yeah fuck it why not one of the key moves in a coup is to get on the radio yeah do a podcast but it's completely improvised yeah Amin just goes fuck it it's free form coup fuck it let's do it I'm gonna do it takeover is met with no resistance he goes to the radio what is it Hot FM Hot FM maybe yeah who knows absolutely he's chucked Roman Kemp out the window fuck off Roman I would like to chuck the Capital FM guys out the window I would Whenever I see them on the phone, I'm like, fuck, just fuck off.

1:04:53People are listening to this shit.

1:04:57You're listening to... Why are you so happy? It's 7 a.m. Yeah. So Amin promises to Uganda a fresh start. Lower taxes. We'll give King Freddy a state funeral. Clever. Nice. He's immediately... So he's got political instincts. He's the guy who fucking shot his palace with a cannon and nicked his crown. And now he's going, let's give the guy a state funeral. Get you a guy who can do both. Yeah. palace with a cannon yeah give an old king a state funeral it's the two sides of man the guy you marry idiom is in charge of uganda yeah in our next episode we will deal with why he has been come to know be known as the butcher of uganda i think unfairly i also i like butchers i think they're better than supermarkets it's true uh let's go back rebuild the high street yes we need more butchers of uganda more ugandan butchers we need more bakers of uganda we need more cobblers of uganda we need them all you know at the moment it's just fucking chicken shops of uganda and and we will get to his personality his admiration for a little man called adolf hitler he has a way of turning up in every single story he really does and idi amin god bless him is has been known to history as the black hitler yeah why are you blood and your dick here in the black hitlers my dick here no it's not it's just my dick here in black hitler is ronaldo celebrating a free kick it's it's naught to 60 the black hitler anyway uh the rest the entirety of this three-part series is already on our patreon where for three pounds a month you get instant access and bonus episodes uh there's a whole aladdin's cave instant gratification if you have if you are up to date with the podcast if you're someone who or is always listening to the latest episode and you run out, there is hours of extra content on the Patreon.

1:06:52Reams. Reams of the stuff. Reams of slurs behind a paywall. My God, the slurs are there. That's where they are. If you're looking to take us down, it's all there. Go there, find the Furman tapes. There's so much of it, you won't know what to do. It's a blizzard. There's about six, maybe there's about, I don't know, 30 hours, 40 hours of stuff on there. At least. At least. Anyway, that's on the Patreon. But if not, we'll see you on Thursday for the continuation of the EDMian story. Goodbye. Goodbye.

1:07:36On September 25th. Melee! Melee! No one's coming for us. It's just you and me, boy. 58 miles. Heart of the Beast is the must-see adventure of the year. An incredible story of survival. I got you. One of the most extraordinary on-screen bonds you'll ever see. Cody, the greatest dog to ever walk the earth. Brad Pitt. I'll get you home. Heart of the Beast. Baleen Theater, September 25th. Ready PG-13. May be inappropriate for children under 13. Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class.

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