A Real Country Doesn’t Collapse Over Bananas (with Geoffrey Asmus) | The CIA Under Allen Dulles

31:52But you're doing uppers and downers at the same time. It's like coke and weed. It's crazy. But you've got the anti-Semitism to keep you going. Yeah, exactly. That's the glue that binds the two things. That's the energy, yes. The United Fruit start this... It's still funny. It's still funny. No, it's still funny. I'll laugh three more times at that. United Fruit, their public relations officer who is married to Eisenhower's private secretary makes a film called Why the Kremlin Hates Bananas. So trying to turn it into a, like, american right capitalists um they hate bananas so they then pay journalists to go and visit united fruit company sites in guatemala so like service station toilets and um praise the company and then they start dropping all these leaflets so looking through glory holes yeah can you get a banana through here they then call uh arbenz a communist um sure and then oh yeah they set up a radio station in Nicaragua and in Florida called the voice of liberation.

32:48It's like blasting propaganda, classic move. Yeah. And they claim, so they're trying to trick people. People are so thick at this point. They don't realize that it's, it's not, uh, Guatemala in Miami and he's just saying, they're like, he must be from here. Yeah, exactly. He's clearly one of us. Yeah. So, um, blah, blah, blah. Essentially they then, Arbenz then gets a bit, to be fair to him, he then gets a bit paranoid. and um so he announces billions of dollars have been poured against too much weed he can't be so he announces a 30-day suspension of liberties and then that's basically exactly what the u.s because then they're like we love democracy we can't have that we are free freedom-loving banana eaters yeah and this this this commie dirty dirty bottom socialist yeah is going to take our bananas away from us so then they initiate operation pb success really arrogant of them yeah an insane they already knew what does PB stand for yeah I don't know I actually don't know did it come up in your I don't remember what PB stood for power bottom power bottom success power bottom success but it's the revenge of the power bottom stands for the Republic of Guatemala does it?

33:56that doesn't make quite sense AI might be off on this one that might have been the code name they used maybe well it's tricked us yeah it has got us I have no idea what they're talking about and we're good we know what United it really means we can see through this stuff we've been up all night watching youtube right up the ass it goes all the way to the top of the ass goes all the way to the duodenum so um our bends basically gets driven out by cia-backed forces yeah uh and then this guy carlos castillo armas took power and six years later a 36 year civil war ensues killing over nearly a quarter of a million people.

34:39That's how you stop communism. That's the price you have to pay. To be fair, America went back into a corner here. Yeah. You know, it was an idea what happened, but America, their hands were tied. What are we going to have for breakfast? What are we going to do? We need bananas. Sorry, 240 ,000 humans had to die. But also, if there's a civil war over bananas, how much of a country really are you? You don't have bananas? Well, no, I just mean, if bananas are this much of a big deal. do you deserve to be a country yeah shouldn't we just take you over anyways well i'm just like guys chill out because obviously the cia put a guy in charge or whatever who's uh who's not a i mean he's got a hitler tash he does that's crazy it could be a chaplain could be a chaplain in 54 no if 54 he knew better 54 you got this tash i didn't see that that's wild that's that's pretty you know that's pretty stuff like doing blackface in 2016 i mean that's like you're really you're on the line now you're leaning into it yeah um but i just think if bananas are this much of a big deal off though yeah he rocks it if bananas are this much of a big deal i just think like should diversify your economy your economy should have multiple platforms yeah that's a mistake yeah melons melons maybe a grave yeah something um so this is very naughty from america dullers basically dullers dullers views the operation as success obviously and he lies about all the killing to Eisenhower and says it's a bloodless coup.

36:03Yeah. And Eisenhower was just like, great. Well, he was just like a drunk playing golf during his presidency. Yeah. He was like a really, near the second term. So maybe not actually at this point. He's fought in the World War II. So he's just sort of like, his retirement was the presidency. Yeah. Like bloody. He's seen the bloodiest. He's like, oh, you killed a hundred people. I don't give a shit. Has he actually seen the, because he was the. Well, he wasn't there. Yeah. He's tied out from the war. So his, his retirement was. So you see like the original Trump would be just playing golf. He was, yeah.

36:31At the end, he'd just play golf and got hammered and that's all he cared about. The 50s does sound amazing. But that's what every dad in the 50s did, right? It sounds like a good life. I think so. I mean, even Obama likes the 50s. I heard Obama on a podcast saying we need to go back to the 50s, just not with the racial element. That's his pitch. Would you disagree with one part of that? I'd say the first half of that sentence is excellent. And that's when he gets extreme. If you let him talk for too long, he'll say something insane. Yeah, he's a communist. He doesn't want to be a caddy. Yeah. Obama refuses to sue your caddy the way he was meant to be.

37:03I didn't make the members club rules. Yeah. That's the rules that Augusta. My granddad did. Yeah. And he's my granddad and those are his rules. So the CIA then conveniently lose all the documents detailing all the assassination targets. Because this is actually like the whole covert thing is basically all dollars, right? Yeah. Like he's the one who. And he has the, he's allied with all the newspapers too. so he knows like the guy who owns the new york times and every paper so he tells them to not publish certain stuff because doesn't he also so that's why no one ever knows about this because doesn't he also uh there's some kind of congressional he he stops the cia being oh and joseph mccarthy yeah he's like don't look at the cia because he would he would have been because he had a huge nazi dealing yeah he was so jeffrey our our listeners are very very thick ugly as well ugly and fat and smelly many many of them we don't live independently can you just tell us what mccarthyism was mccarthy it's like they thought there were it was there was the red scare and the lavender scare they thought there were communists at every part of the government and we were lavender scare that was that they thought there were gay people in all parts of the separate one yeah and they thought there were gay people all over that's why they called communist pinkos because they thought communism was gay i mean they're not you live in brooklyn yeah it's not wrong it's not crazy they're not wrong it's just a lot of stinkerton stuff going on they both got dirty bottoms they're all sharing each other's asses yeah that's how it goes yeah so there was they like they yeah they took down like thousands of government employees for being like for saying like one communist thing in college or yeah but what's a communist thing like can you pass the salt or something it's just like the most paranoid period in america they like jazz everyone is uh you know but it's also it's where it's where straight you know straight dads in suits are doing an insane amount of drugs for research purposes right so everyone probably is insanely paranoid yeah they are yeah they knew a guy he did the waltz with a puerto rican in college so now he has to he's a communist yeah yeah blacklisted yeah exactly um not great so there's indonesia which uh i don't know much about but oh the indonesian well i think that's what the act of killing is about you've seen the documentary i haven't seen that one yeah well they re they get the people who start who were like characters to yes are you serious no it's it's the most it's the greatest documentary of all time basically there was this awful um genocide in indonesia that hasn't been discussed or even like worked through it's like they killed all the communists right they killed all the communists and it was like a capitalist like kind of i guess it's disgusting if you're on the wrong side of history but then there's been no like public talking about that no one's been brought to justice.

39:52So all the people who killed family members would line people up and kill thousands of people. They're still in positions of power. They're still walking around town. So they follow a couple of them who are obsessed with American gangster films. They love it. They think, you know, cowboys, fucking Sopranos. Scarface. Scarface, that shit. And they basically, to G them up and say, let's recreate your heroic killings and make it like a gangster film. And they don't realise they're being duped. They don't realise. And then through this process of reenacting it, you see them finally come to terms with the fact that it's absolutely incredible.

40:30Is it a bit like the Fred Durst documentary? What's the Fred Durst documentary? Is it Fred Durst or Robert Durst? Robert Durst. Robert Durst. Who's Fred Durst? Fred Durst is the lead singer of Limp Bizkit. Right, not him. I was like, I don't know where this is going. Limp Bizkit, that's another game you guys play here. Limp Bizkit's when you lose. you have to eat the limb that's where you're soaking and playing soggy biscuit at the same time the jinx the jinx is a fucking amazing documentary where he admits at the end they catch him on he's in the shower he's in the shower on a hot mic going oh of course i did it i killed them i killed them all and they still didn't go to jail for like eight years so it's the jinx is this amazing documentary about this guy robert durst who i think is like a real estate real estate his family were real estate moguls and he's like the pariah son of this family in in new york city documentary so i don't want any more spoilers we did kind of just spoil it but it actually won't matter it's so good he's a serial killer maybe maybe he chopped up his neighbor he lived with his allegedly allegedly allegedly he's his neighbor was found dismembered and thrown in a river and he said he dismembered him but he said i found him dead already yeah and i just had to cut him up i like somehow that defense worked he's a meatpacker he's a meatpacker yeah yeah it's just fun to practice your butchery yeah it's like following a cardboard box before we get back on the cia sorry yeah um so in indonesia um now i don't know how much of this is to do with the cia but in the 50s there's a party that's like the pki which is the communist do you know about indonesia i know this sukarno guy wins but then they and then in like i think it's like 57 or something he says some general he's like you're plotting to kill me and then he kills like six generals and then the military goes crazy and kills every single communist yeah it's not communists it's anyone who's like any even remotely against him partly but then it's like it gets put in the hands of local because indonesia's like a thousands of islands it shouldn't be a country yeah it shouldn't be a country yeah and so you have people who are just taking out scores like these people in the act of killing right they're just killing anyone so it's just an absolute it just becomes this power vacuum just killing their enemies on the island and you can be a communist communist like a it's a broad term isn't it like if you if you like poetry communist exactly well i mean you you do great actually and no i would when i was listening when i was listening about what they did in chile about electrocuting poets i was like to be fair that sounds fucking excellent no more slam poetry i know that'd be great that's not a bad world imagine that go into a spoken word night spoken word night ideal I'm at the back of the cattle prod going go on go on then finish your fucking little slam poetry these poets who don't rhyme kill them kill them it has to rhyme if it doesn't rhyme what is it it's out it's out is this poetry right now if it doesn't rhyme it needs to rhyme this isn't poetry this isn't poetry this is racist podcast what are you talking about so what's this this is the 1958 PRR Permester revolt I don't know about this one it's an overt CIA backed rebellion intended to engineer a coup in indonesia it failed spectacularly once american involvement became public it was sort of like the coldplay kiss cam with the cia with the cia holding hands yeah if they hadn't reacted they would have been fine no one would have ever looked at it it's so funny it really is yeah just double down commit to your mistress aren't ceos just allowed a mistress yeah don't they everyone knows it how is this a shock yeah company mistress yeah that's what i mean in the 50s company bike ride them whenever you want exactly do you reckon he was playing devil's chessboard behind him that's why no but I mean as we're saying in the 50s you get rid of this stuff I think a CEO cheating on his his wife is getting caught on a fucking caught in a grainy cam at a Brooklyn Dodgers yeah that's not happening god the 50s were great it just looked like the best time to be a bloke for everyone good comedy too so the failed coup in February 58 which is then blah blah blah the CIA are still planning it.

44:43I think they bombed Indonesia. Yeah they did some bombing. That's all I know is they bombed them. I don't know exactly why. American involvement was meant to be a secret but was discovered when pilot Alan Pope was shot down over Ambon. Oh incredible. With documents tying him to the CIA. So this is like when that guy left the documents in a pub or on the train. There's all those MI6 guys that are always leaving dossiers. Oh, really? They just get too drunk. So Alan Pope shot down. He has his military ID for the US Air Force on him, which is insane. He probably has a thing saying this is a secret CIA operation.

45:18Yeah, don't read the secret files. Also, he's a white guy in Indonesia. A little bit of a... Yeah. They couldn't have found an Indonesian guy to do it. My dad lives in Indonesia, so he's a white guy. But now a white guy's in Indonesia. There's loads of them. But back then, this guy was a trailblazer. He was Christopher Columbus. That's how racist the CIA was. They couldn't be like, we could train an Indonesian guy to do this. And it would make more sense. Like, no, we got to have a white guy. Only a white guy could fly a plane. So then communist activists use the Western intervention as a main reason.

45:45And then it all basically just sort of kicks off. Oh, and that leads to the slaughter then. I think so. Because then the generals then go, right, the commies are coming. It's essentially, if you can't, you know, because you say this is how much you can trace the slaughter to the American, they're not making it better. they're going in there and being like well let's see what happens if you do this they shake it up kind of and just like but it's amazing how all of these things the ramifications for the countries once the cia leaves yeah it's like yeah 40 years of civil war that it starts a chain reaction that never seems to end yeah but at some point you have to say take responsibility it's just a banana i do think like fighting over killing your neighbors over bananas is insane yeah fair enough Push your limits, train with precision, see the results.

46:30At Equinox, that's high performance loving. Iconic spaces that inspire. Personal training backed by real data. Unlimited group fitness classes from yoga and Pilates to strength and conditioning. Elevate your post-performance ritual with saunas, steam rooms, cold plunges, and more. Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox. Start today at equinox.com.

46:57Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Way fair, every style, every home. Hey, I'm running out to drop off a stack of letters and packages. Need anything shipped while I'm gone? Save the gas.

47:34Stamps.com lets you print postage and schedule pickups right from your desk. Sync your contacts into the address book, get detailed accounting insights, and get notified the moment your certified mail is delivered. All from my desk? All from your desk. Join the 4 million businesses using Stamps.com right now with code podcast and get your free welcome gift. stamps.com code podcast taxes and fees apply they are good but this is I know would you say this is the funnest time to be part of the CIA because I guess maybe no one's had more global power ever at this point than being in the CIA being able to do this in the 50s post-World War II America fires me up they're all on LSD and we're going to do Project and Culture on a Patreon episode but by this point a lot of the CIA are on LSD all the time anyway let's do Lumumba Lumumba is oh man, there's a fucking incredible Politico article about this whole thing.

48:29So Lumumba is the first democratically elected Congolese president. Yes. This article is incredible. I recommend it to everyone. It's incredibly funny. I mean, what happens is obviously bad, but it's very, very funny. It's a funny article. It's a very, very funny article. So Belgium have left the Congo after doing big poopers everywhere. Really bad stuff. Have you guys done the Belgian Congo? not yet people are very throthing of the mouth for us to get to that well belgium short term basically belgium were trying to make up for lost time they didn't have any colonies so they got one and they're like we've got we've got to fill like 200 300 years when they got the biggest one yeah it's the biggest colony yeah it's got all the minerals all the minerals and it's so at this point it used to have all the people but not anymore yeah basically the worst the worst conditions of any colony ever yes the belgians are the worst yeah which is a british man it's funny it's like Belgium, you were the worst when you had one go.

49:27Yeah. But I guess that's because they didn't have anything else to distract them. Yeah. They put all their evil, all their ballots. Belgium's a fucking weird. You ever been to Belgium, Geoffrey? I have not. I know they got that Walloon French thing. They're always fighting, aren't they? You're French. Don't they have a big fight between the two ethnicities, like the Walloons and the Dutch or whatever are fighting? The Dutch are the same. It's like tiny countries that are split into five parts that speak different languages. it's like you're you're all one country hasn't Belgium like not had a government for like eight years it's like an anarchy or something they're ungovernable people yeah there's something going on there you can do the whole country in two hours Bruges is nice for 20 minutes half an hour you do Bruges Brussels in an hour you're done yeah okay anyway so the Belgians leave Congo in a bit of a pickle they go out quickly this is they leave like right away they leave like three they don't give them any time to plan if I remember no this is so this is 1960 they completely fuck them up and then pull out Essentially, African decolonization happens so quickly because all the other colonies are decolonized.

50:26And it feels, even though Africa is in a much worse state, they're like, well, politically, we need to get out of here. Which sort of means stuff like this happens, where it just goes fucking bananas. Although there's no bananas. That's the difference. That's Guatemala. Anyway, so Patrice Lumumba is elected as the nation's new leader. But very quickly, the country descends into arms rioting because there's no democracy at all. because they gave them no they they took away all the like intelligentsia so they had no one there's like a belgians read i can't believe i'm saying this there is a belgian brain drain where all the belgians leave and some that's how bad congo is like if all the belgians left britain now we'd be better off if all the belgians left belgium they'd be better exactly a better country yeah yeah that's how bad congo is that the belgians leave and they go we're on the brink of collapse yeah so um there's lots of racial tensions with the white belgians who have stayed in congo so july in july 1960 lumumba goes to the u.s but congo is not properly a country yet so the u.s haven't there's no like state like response to the visit so basically he arrives and they're like what are you doing here because eisenhower is on like a i think he's going to the republican congress because i think it's it's nearly the election year so he's on the trail campaign trail and he's like well i'm not fucking meeting him who is he because they're just like who's this guy yeah yeah um and then so they managed to roll out a red carpet and they they on the morning they make the congolese flag because they've got no idea what the flag is right he's then just like right i'm here for meetings i need some i need some aid because we got no money to we can't keep um we can't keep up to our payroll we can't pay government payroll so he's looking for funding and the american just like who the fuck's this guy so they put him in a cab and then um he basically uh he thinks he's going to meet eisenhower and the secretary of state of offense in the end he just goes shopping he goes shopping he looks at the washington memorial and he just does a sort of tourist trip little tourist trip and then they stick him with some senator and he's just asking for money for helicopters for cars and they're like nah um but they're but they're quite impressed with him they say oh it's not he's not an extremist he seems quite you know he's articulate he's clever he goes home and then dad dullers goes nice communist let's kill him let's kill him and Eisenhower I reckon kill him what time of the day is that is that break for lunch after let's kill him when's he said let's kill him yeah probably right after lunch when you get that food coma let's kill him I'm gonna take a nap I reckon it's 12.59 and they're starving starving oh right kill him let's kill him let's kill him because the Congo has all the minerals that you need to make a nuclear bomb yes and they didn't want yeah go on they didn't want the USSR to yes because then he turns to the USR to get, because the Americans have said, fuck off.

53:15So he's the only other people who are giving out money. That's what's so funny is that he's gone to America to ask for help and because they've gone, fuck off. Yeah. It's just like a self-fulfilling prophecy. So he goes shopping and then asks the US for the USSR for help and then they go, well, he's a communist, we need to kill him. Yeah. Like it's crazy. Anyway, so he goes. It's funny because where Congo is, it's in such a fuck state. It's like, this is beyond capitalism or communism where they're at. It's Belgianism. That's the problem. Yeah, they don't have, it's not ideology. It's like how, they're not even at that state where they can even discuss ideology.

53:51It's like. It's not even a, it's a failed state. Yeah, exactly. So the Congo basically becomes this sort of proxy war site with Soviets and Americans, but Americans are funding anti-Lumumba. They're funding the army. What's that province, Katanga or whatever? Oh yeah, what's that? That's like, that's the mineral rich province in the south and they're like we don't want to be part of congo either because they make all the money so that then the america allies with them this guy moses i don't know but no no this is moses chomp t-s-o-m-b i don't know how you say that word i don't know you can give it a go here no one's flagging pronunciation in this place what did he do what was moses chomby well he was like the guy he was full and funding like a separatist movement so america's like we like this guy yeah that's kind of who we allied with a little bit and mobutu too yeah anyone but lumamba so initially they try the cia's i think this is the first and maybe only uh time that a u.s president has directly ordered yeah a foreign leader to be assassinated because eisenhower i think by this point 1960 he's just wants to play golf he's done he's like yeah he's changed his first kill in casino royale is eisenhower no no lumamba but Do you know that the scene in Casino Royale opens?

55:06Is that where they're in the construction area? Yeah, no, it's in the toilet. Oh, yeah. And he has his first kill in France. In France? No, France is a toilet. It's in a toilet. Oh, sorry, right, okay. Yeah, that's kind of the beginning of his first kill, and that's like, he's on that road. Yes. So this is the beginning of them assassinating people, basically. So the CIA, initially, they think we're going to poison Lumumba's toothpaste. Yeah. But this doesn't come to fruition. Essentially, what they then do is just use propaganda and UN delegations and funding his political opponents, orchestrate this sort of mass media campaign.

55:39The booboo's gay. Yeah, they best say it. Probably a little gay, sure. He's gay. They do actually, in the article, all the Americans do call him Smelly Patrice. They just call him Stinky. Yeah. Stinky Patrice. So they just start, Louis Armstrong goes there as well. Why? I think, well, this is another thing. This isn't related to the coups, but what the CIA do is the CIA realized that america doesn't have any culture yes so they then fund um uh cultural tours of europe to try and show people that they are do have high culture so they the boston symphony orchestra go to play in europe clearly better than communism we have an orchestra but the thing is the russia has got the bolshoi and got all this rich history and you know can write novels whereas america is obviously just a big mac fucking you know we got steinbeck we got steinbeck come on yeah yeah that's all we got though that's it we've got steinbeck and that's it so what they do is they even fucking moma is cia funded do you know that really yeah that makes i believe that i believe that's not a bad thing cultural funding that's what lefties like right but it's just it's nice it's like um keep it fringe fund it's like a fringe is probably a psyop an mi6 psyop it's like and we've got to get the wackiest clowns we need an hour story about you getting molested that'll get the people yeah because the pedophile industrial complex exactly exactly so anyway the cia blah blah blah they they um they essentially just ride it up and then lumumba's captured by the army and then i think he gets done by a belgian congolese fire they send him to they let they let him get captured and then they send him to katanga in the south which is basically it's own country for a while yeah and then they got there they torture him and shoot him in the woods or something but a belgian like mercenary kills him i think fuck yeah so another big boo-boo a big boo-boo the belgians yeah they don't give up and then so that's in 1960 and dulles uh has so this is coming to the end of his tenure because the bay of pigs in 61 is what finishes him off yeah but we should probably do a bit of we talked about castro a little bit in cuba in the cuba missile crisis episode but in terms of they got the taste for assassinations yeah so they've been so castro had been in since what 58 59 yeah one of the two so and jeffrey just give us our listeners and this is code red for america because obviously they're sorting shit out in africa guatemala but cuba's right there right there right there they they got their own sandwich so they're really fucking yeah give us a taste of what the the cuban panic you know cute i think they had a dictator named Fulgencio Batista, bad guy, killing everyone.

58:21Then they revolted Castro, took him down. I think we actually liked Castro for a bit because we didn't like the Batista guy either because he was a little too evil even for America. But then Castro came to America and no one would let him stay in their hotel. And so he, except for this black Harlem one. And then like, so the black people really loved him and America didn't like that. If black people like something, it must be bad. yeah he's an extremist yeah and so then that's when we started trying to kill him was after he he had like a huge speech at the un where he made us look kind of like fools too i think what is it he's a very charismatic guy definitely women love him he was like he fucks everyone i mean they they sent um didn't he just like send a virgin from every village a female assassin to try and kill him and they ended up just fucking oh that's so cool that's awesome she's got to go i can't do it damn that's cool kind of fascinating looking at all these cia coups it feels like a lot of the like the worst ones they do is when like a left-wing um leader's coming in and he has good ideas and he's he's got like a humanity to him he believes in like right and he's got naivety like in chile in guatemala in in congo it's going to be people who take you for your word the only people that really know how to beat america is someone like castro castro's like the only guy who ever beat us really yeah he's like everyone else is like i'm gonna give you know give money to the poor i'm gonna fix things and then america can trick them easily because they're wide-eyed but castro is a fucking castro learned from the guatemala he really always talked about the arbenz guy he's like that he's like i don't want to end up like him and in chile he told allende is like you better fucking watch out you can't carry on like this yeah yeah you're gonna get fucked yeah so castro's like i'm not i'm not going bananas no no let's get on bananas so so the CIA try and assassinate Castro in a series of insane ways, which it turns out a lot of them, they got from talking to Ian Fleming at like a white house dinner.

1:00:18Really? Ian Fleming, cause he's part of the British establishment. They started writing Bond novels and tells either Dulles or one of the other guys about all the things in his novels and like the British. So they're asking him like, what's in your new book? What do you got? Yeah. It's brilliant. Which is, funny because it's the same as to fast forward in the iraq war when there was the dodgy dossier about sadam being having nuclear missiles that the way they described what he had was literally the plot from the rock in the official intelligence if you get the thing out from the rock where they have all the little balls where they take all the little little liquid balls out of the thing they say al-Sazam's got that and it turned out they got that from the rock it's a thing that doesn't even exist yeah exactly so the head of the CIA is like oh we should I think they do try and develop a poisoned knife in a shoe like this in the from Russia with Love yeah the exploding cigar his lover gave him a jar of poisoned cream he knew it was poisoned and gave her a gun and told her to kill him she couldn't that's so fucking he's such a fucking beast I love that I like Castro a lot.

1:01:34I think he's a good guy. They also did a poison chocolate milkshake, which failed because the assassin spilt the poison. I mean, who is? Is it Manuel? That's so funny. Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Horton. Mr. Castro, Mr. Castro, I'm so sorry. What do they do? They put like a bomb in a fucking seashell. Do they? They think he's going to look at you. Listen to it. I can hear the CIA. they threw a bomb painted as a softball at him and they missed i mean they threw a bomb painted as a softball there's the whole exploding cigar thing which i'm like is that just a stick of dynamite that you try and trick him into writing how did it not work how would the exploding cigar there's hundreds right like it's yeah they were obsessed with it yeah so in early 1960 eisenhower authorizes dollars to prepare a coup to alz castro because as we've seen by early 1960 they've had successful coups around the world so darlas is like yeah if there's a congress on the doorstep this is what we do and they're trying to get it all in before kennedy becomes president because kennedy's they don't know if kennedy or nixon are going to win because eisenhower can't be president again so they're they're like we got to do it now because kennedy was kind of anti-coup so they were trying to do them quick so this is deep state stuff yeah the limumba thing they did that like the day before kennedy became president because kennedy loved limumba and they couldn't have killed him if kennedy was president they did it like right when he right before he got inaugurated this is literally when eisenhower says warns about the military industrial yeah while he's doing it he's probably warning about this these these very things right here so he's like a prophet for the deep state yeah how deep up the ass does this go so because also wasn't all the presidential debates between nixon and kennedy he was all calling like kennedy you're a bitch you're a little pussy so nixon knows about the plan yes and kennedy is scoring points against him saying we need to be harder on cuba we need to like and then nixon loses because he's ugly on tv right yeah and he's got those jowls yeah it's unseemly uh so the plan is that they're going to invade the port of trinidad e brida with help from we haven't said it all serious and we've been in the area yeah fair enough you've both been asleep yeah um they would use trinidad as a port base to rally support and overthrow castro they get in loads of um what cuban exiles to make an army yeah but kennedy doesn't like so this kennedy comes to office and the plan's already basically in action but i think it's kennedy that moves it to the bay of pigs this is his big failure right the bay of pigs kennedy yeah so how much is it his fault no it was dulles's fault mostly they kennedy kind of took the blame but it was mostly dullest they like put all like the the worst cia agents on it they like kind of straight the barrel yeah they were like using like the dregs of the they were so like confident they're like we don't even need the good guys on this one yeah because i guess they've done so many by this point they're like we can't be stopped yeah we're gonna fail this is a generational it's a bit similar to blair in iraq in that by that point he'd done northern ireland kosovo sierra leone he's like i know what i'm fucking doing we're going in and he's like oh oh yeah oh yes there's a whole thing about air support yeah so they were like trapped on the beach and they like they needed the air force to come in and bomb and they assumed kennedy would kind of do it because they don't want to look like fools but kennedy kind of put his foot down like i don't want to start a war and so they got that's why they got slaughtered basically so arguably kennedy was a huge pussy yeah they were right if kennedy had just backed his men yeah we would have we Cuba would be the 51st state probably so yeah yeah if Eisenhower had still been in when they done this plan do you reckon it would have worked probably yeah yeah or Nixon Nixon would have yeah he would have sent him he would have nuked Havana thank god that disgusting pastel city have you been to Havana no I bet I would love to it's supposed to be beautiful supposed to be great yeah we were not really allowed to go there it's hard to go there I thought it's fine I thought it is fine but you have to go through some hoops it's yeah it's not just not you guys can go you can go there bad news agents there i hear yeah there's nothing in the stores it's like two things oh really yeah it's just this thing because we have a blockade on them yeah we've blockaded them for 40 years i think it might have stopped like two or three years ago i think a bomber got rid of it yeah so the operation fails because the cuban exile pilots they just basically they did they thought like the people were gonna like rise up and they didn't really because they kind of like because kestro was fairly nice to yeah they just misunderstood they didn't understand that he's actually popular yeah right okay so what happens to dole is then dole is i mean he it's like his greatest failure and then there's also another thing that happens with like france at the same time where like we sponsor a coup of the de gaulle right in algeria you know yeah like the generals in algeria were mad that de gaulle didn't want to kill every single algerian he's like let's only kill 80 of them and they're like that's not enough yeah and they were going to march on paris and it was very american funded right but it failed they like the guy like lost his nerve and the general like kind of like gave up he like had a mental breakdown because he was scared of de gaulle but that and then that was behind kennedy's back as well so that's why he slowly takes dullers out So yeah, Dulles is sort of blamed for Bay of Pigs by Kennedy and then he's fired.

1:06:54Kennedy takes the blame publicly, but Dulles takes the blame privately. But then, so Dulles had also in 53, I think he'd started Project MKUltra, which we're going to talk about. But the sort of this era of, this is where this 10 years under Dulles is where the CIA essentially has this reputation and it has no accountability. there's no it's all meant to be covert right it's meddling in things that it should i mean you could argue that basically it only goes wrong because one coup fails it got right you know he probably would still have the power yeah they were like their own government it was like their own country basically the cia could like do whatever they want but in the same way that like with the pinkertons they were completely unaccountable yeah at this point in the it's like it's like the global pinkertons yeah just over the entire world yeah yeah just over the entire world what's going on over there let's fucking let's get us fuck around in there 40 years of civil war oops yeah and then dullers uh i think when jfk is assassinated allegedly he could have just blown his own head off um because his mental health spontaneous combustion his wife started telling him about her dreams and his head just exploded um uh i think dullers gets involved in the like the he's in the warren commission to investigate it he's not even the cia guy anymore but they like bring him back to like head the commission even though he probably assassinated kennedy they were like the commission to look through the assassination and like be like what's going on you think he killed kennedy i think he was yeah he definitely because kennedy was trying to yeah this is a real there's a big gravity bong rip right here yeah that's the big one right here The YouTube thumbnail's got to have some big gravity bombs.

1:08:37Yeah. This isn't an apple pipe. This is a gravity bomb one right here. Yeah. Why would dollars kill Kennedy? Because he wanted to curtail the CIA's power, and he didn't want the Cold War to be like, he kind of wanted to stop the Cold War. He was anti-Cold War. He was like, we can get along. It's not really opposing theories. Right, right. We don't need this nuclear scare tactic. He was a libtard. He was a libtard. He was absolutely a woke, gay libtard. Absolutely. And Dulles was like, well, I just, I don't... Dulles was like, I like that you fuck Marilyn Monroe, but otherwise you're a huge person.

1:09:13How many women you fuck. That's the only thing we can call it. Otherwise, yeah. And so he's fired after the Bay of Pigs and then he obviously orchestrated the JFK assassination and then that's kind of the end of him, really. Does he live any, anything mad happen at the post? I don't know. Do you know anybody? I think he dies not that much longer after that. I don't think he lives that much. I think it's like 67, 68. Fair enough. But he kind of like pulls the strings still. people go to his house they're like what would you do daddy what would you do daddy CIA yeah exactly yeah he becomes like the disabled guy on the heist team who's like well I can't do the heist but I'll you should have seen him at Lumumba you should have seen when he did the Lumumba so but essentially that's kind of like what his operational tactics become the CIA's tactics for the next right that was really interesting and I think we'll do more episodes on the CIA we're going to leave it there just because there's just too much it's too much so this has been the CIA under dollars if you want to join the Patreon it's just£3 a month unbelievable what a deal what a deal less than the price of a coffee not these days I know well yes these days yes these days you mentioned you mentioned you're backing me up not these days that's really expensive actually for bonus episodes and early access god I wouldn't buy that that's really expensive things are cheaper here than in America you guys got a good really oh yeah you guys got a good what in London is done Londonistan is that what they call it that's what Americans call London that's what Tucker Carlson calls it yeah they're lynching Paddington from Buckingham Palace shoving marmalade up his arse it's like the end of Gaddafi but it's Paddington being sodomised by a jar of marmalade all because he wanted to privatise the NHS so join the Patreon we're going to do a big episode on MKUltra and the mind control that the CIA um but yeah emiculture is all very much this but it all happened yeah i know everything in there it's like it sounds like the maddest conspiracy theory and it's all fucking true yes yeah it's crazy yeah man and we're gonna reveal it for the first time on the patreon yeah we're gonna get into it jeffrey have you got anything to plug uh go to jeffrey atm that's my instagram jeffrey ass to mouth that's my instagram special you've got a great special i got a new special out on YouTube it's called 63 minutes of great comedy go on a YouTube he puts out 10 minute sets regularly that are so funny it's not just short form it's slightly longer stuff as well if you're looking for stand-up that's not terrible Jeff Asmus is the guy and I don't always sound like this I have actually a really beautiful tenor voice you do always sound like this but the stand-up you do it sounds perfect it sounds like I had a lot of bananas in my throat honestly I went to Guatemala recently yeah you're a member of the united fruit you're a non-exceptive shareholder anyway uh thanks so much for stopping by this has been the history of the cia we'll see you on the patreon and if not we'll see you next week for our biggest series yet bye

1:12:25push your limits train with precision see the results at equinox that's high performance loving everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at equinox start today at equinox.com who says halloween only lasts one day with wayfair one night of halloween becomes a whole season at home from larger than life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house wayfair has what you need to make halloween feel like magic all in one place because the best halloween memories aren't made in just one night they're made all season long shop halloween decor now at wayfair.com that's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com wayfair every style every home still waiting in line again that's time you'll never get back save time and money with stamps.com Over 4 million businesses have skipped the line with Stamps.com.

1:13:22Join them to save up to 90 % off carrier rates from your computer or phone right now. Print postage for certified mail, registered mail, and packages in seconds. Then schedule a pickup right from your home or office. For a limited time, go to Stamps.com and use code PODCAST for a free welcome gift. Taxes and fees apply.