Buzzt-a-Nut Aldrin’s Lunar Land Acknowledgement | The Space Race (Part 2)

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1:14I think Charlie would be good to send up to space as the first man. Do you think? Yeah. Like Leica. Yeah. It's a good test. It's a good test to see if it's worth it. Welcome back to Finn vs. History. I'm joined by Horatio Gould. Hello! One small dick for him. one giant hog for the rest of us. We're talking about the space race and this episode we're dealing with the moon landings. The moon landings. Allegedly. Yes. Did they happen? We don't know. This episode we're dealing with them as if they did. Yes, sure. On our Patreon we'll be talking about if they didn't. So we left off in the last part with the Nazis were first in space.

1:58Yes. Blot! Nazis and commies have been leading all of this basically. They have. Yeah. They have. And the free world have been lagging behind. Yes. So this episode will be dealing with the human space flight race. The 60s. The 60s. Because this is all the 50s. Yeah. And the Soviets unequivocally dominated the 50s. The Nazis won the 40s. The Soviets won the 50s. And now the Americans will take the 60s. Yes. But there is another participant in this space race, which we teased at the end of the last episode. I don't know when we'll bring this in, but just say that - Maybe throughout we'll go check on what - Check on what this third participant is doing, because I didn't know about this before.

2:35It's very, very funny. So the Soviets have been firing dogs into space, and now they are testing people. So Korolev, who's the genius in the space program, he wants to put a human in orbit before the US even get close. So he designed the Vostok capsule. So the Vostok capsule, let's get a picture of that up. That's like a sort of cannonball with no controls, idiot proof. so it's the opposite of the spaceship Charlie's currently flying it looks like those underwater suits yeah it's just a big sort of fucking yeah it's a big grapefruit you get in fire it up there so this is to fit a person in and the cosmonaut as it was called would have to eject and parachute down because it couldn't land safely it was just a fucking ball so this led to the Valentin Bondarengo accident everything's so secret that a lot of this comes out later especially on the soviet side it's like there's so much you know disinformation so he was a young cosmonaut trainee and he's in an isolation chamber filled with pure oxygen yeah and after a long shift um he removes sensors from his body using an alcohol soaked cotton pad the pad drifts onto a hot plate why is there a hot plate in the fucking grapefruit bacon bacon you're right I'll take it back yeah it drifts onto a hot plate ignites instantly and pure oxygen means the fire that's got to be one of the worst ways to go just an absolute fireball watch this Charlie this is the bacon is good for me kid do you remember him?

4:08I don't think I know this yeah it's good this is a classic bacon is good for me this is very good she's the queen and more the sword right well I actually completely irrelevant wait wait this is quite good actually is that a deal? No, I keep losing it, dudes. And I don't want to make a deal anymore. I am leaving. And you can't stop me. I'm packing my bags. She's telling us how to stop it. It is great. I do find this quite triggering because when I was in my fat, fat, fat phase, I had a bacon sandwich every morning for five years. So probably more than that, actually. Eight, nine years. So bacon is good for me.

4:49That was my catchphrase. You were built on bacon. I was built on bacon. This is the temple that bacon built. It's the opposite of most Abrahamic religions, funnily enough. Yeah, if you eat a bacon sandwich every day for five years, you would have eaten the ground. I've eaten four pigs. Surprisingly little, actually. I don't know how many pigs I imagined, but I imagine it being slightly more. Pigs are fucking massive, man. I saw one yesterday. And you ate four of those. I've eaten four of these. It's big pigs. Big. What's the sort of cholesterol damage I'm looking at? How much sort of in the red am I?

5:25for uh health benefits primary health issues it's habit uh it's cancer lovely stuff yeah similar similar similar to like smoking having that with bacon it's light you're having a fag 20 a day yeah yeah i did have a dangerous bacon there gut health colon cancer that's living though isn't it bacon sandwich and a sick that's fucking fucking that's going like fuck you doctors fuck you fuck off i'm just going outside a gp surgery fuck off yeah fuck off i'll see you in there yeah i'll see you in there in three years patriotism it is it's pure patriotism if the uk had a space program the first thing you'd turn up is a bacon sandwich of course yeah tim peak's not he's fucking boring isn't he is yeah yeah again gone woke has he no but all no but all astronauts are like that right that was that that was the big uh realization there was it was quite good actually in the crown when um king philip wanted to meet the astronauts because he projected so much onto them right yes that these were these amazing men and he felt because he was a royal he wasn't able to achieve anything yes like sort in a gilded cage yeah so he met them had all these questions and they were like this palace is nice wow you know they because they're just very dull people because they're that's what makes it so good is there's not much going on they're like yeah i listened to audio of, this is skipping ahead in the timeline, this guy called Ed White, who's the first person to do a space walk, the first extravehicular activity in space, American guy.

6:54And he's like, he doesn't want to come back in the capsule because he's having so much fun, like looking at space. But the transcript is literally like, gee whiz, I feel like a million dollars. I don't ever want to go home. Wow. I mean, it's classic bourgeois. It's like just, it's utterly like, but what do you say? Yeah, because to be at that, forefront of history, I think it's hard to nail the lines. It's funny that Neil Armstrong's line wasn't, oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! I'm on the moon! What would you be saying on the, you'd be saying this is mad. You'd be busting, as we said last time. I'd be the first man to bust on the moon.

7:31Yeah, you might still be. Anyway, some Soviet cunt has a very bad time in a capsule and dies instantly. The Soviets suppress it to preserve the illusion of perfection is what we'd be saying last time. Now we get to April the 12th, 1961. Yuri Gagarin Gagarin Yuri He orbited the I believe that's how you pronounce it in the Russian He orbited the Earth once aboard Vostok 1 and becomes instantly world famous He's like 27 or 27 He's 27 at the time He's one of the big stars of this story And he was selected partly because he looked good in propaganda posters Right Interesting And he's tiny He fits in the tiny capsule But he basically when he was launching apparently the scientist Kolarev was like I don't love this because he's literally it's 50 50 so whether he's going back or not but he was he had like an air of invincibility about him he was just like a fuck it let's go kind of guy we'll do it live we'll do it live yeah yeah bill o'reilly so he's what's his background he's like um fighter pilot they're all they're all they're all kind of ex-fighter pilots right okay yeah um before launch he said boy golly let's which is let's go yeah um like sort of like yoshi almost yeah let's go boyakasha

8:42which is ironic of course because he's flying from borat space center which is the uh soviet one um now he wasn't allowed to steer because the soviets didn't trust human pilots yet does that mean that the dog was allowed to steer yeah i don't know uh the dog's just sniffing which way to go yeah anyway after he ejects from the capsule and lands uh in rural russia in an orange in many ways he has been in an orange space suit just sort of scares a farmer and her daughter just out in the nowhere so the US responds to this and this is like a month later it's crazy how quick it all is Alan Shepard makes a 15 minute suborbital hop so he wasn't in orbit but it shows the US is in the game so Gagarin gets to orbit so Gagarin did the first space flight and then this is not really anything apart from showing Americans are close to achieving that.

9:39Yeah. So they're still way behind in 1961. Yeah. If you're born in space what nationality are you? What? You can't be born in space. You can be. I believe in. Sorry in outer space you're just you're dead on arrival. You can't. No you get born you're in a ship out there. Right in the space station. Yeah you can't. Yeah maybe in the space if you're born in the space station what nationality are you? That's a very good question. I don't know I don't think it's ever happened. Yeah. Where are you from? Can you just space? Yeah. Can you just pick? Yeah, well, your Wikipedia page would say Born International Space Station, wouldn't it?

10:11Yeah. It's like being born in no man's land. What would happen there? International Waters. International Waters. It must be the same as International Waters. Right. And you can just pick a country. I don't think it was probably your parents. I'm from where I'm from. Yeah. Marley, that's where you pick. I'm from Marley, yeah. You're from Marley. Right. Charlie from Marley. Charlie from Marley. but surely like the gravity of a baby coming out the the lack of gravity it's gonna be awful well the shit's going everywhere for starts well well yes that's one thing they don't tell you about when women give birth is that shit comes out yeah i know but you can you can be discreet with that but in space that's fucking going it's like a fucking bowling machine lots of stuff it's not just shit it's loads of stuff loads of stuff shit piss just baby flying out like that i wouldn't recommend giving birth in space no zero gravity birth there's got charlie google zero gravity one of these hippie woke things though that's the next fad you know when you can go zero gravity for like 10 minutes you know those flights yeah that's women are doing that just to give birth because apparently it's better for the baby zero gravity birth is a hypothetical scenario with significant challenges including the messy and complicated logistics of floating fluids and difficult pushing yeah you can't push without gravity yeah so the baby would you know oh Christ imagine the hardest poo you've ever had and then double it hey double it at least at least double it currently no woman has ever given birth in zero gravity we've got a lot of history to crack into so Alan Shepard well funnily enough pees in his space suit before launch because no one has thought about astronaut toilets no they're rushing it out the race is heating up they've got no time to lose so the mission control granted him permission to piss himself by shutting off his suit's electrical sensors to prevent a short circuit from pissing.

11:57God. Imagine dying because you piss in your space suit. Imagine you're so excited, you just piss a bit. You know when you like piss a little bit? Or having to be like, I'm also embarrassing to have to speak to NASA mission control about needing the toilet. Yeah. There's a whole room of people. Can I go for a toilet? Yeah. No, you'll die. How old was Alan Shepard? Can you Google it, Charlie, when he went in? Because if he was over 30, you know, he's going to put his willy back in his space suit and there's piss just going to fly out everywhere. 37. Yeah. I mean his prostate's fucked and also this is a 1960s 37 year old so he looks about 50 of course but his prostate would have been absolutely knackered my prostate's gone absolutely gone shot to shit I haven't got one yeah I'm terrified what my prostate's going to be like when I'm older I've already got an old man's prostate is that weak bladder?

12:43yeah weak bladder finish pissing put your dick back in piss everywhere down to your feet I'd pee the bed for years we know this that's a completely separate issue that's psychological we're the same we're connected no you're fucked in the head that's why you're pissing the piss yeah I don't piss like a racehorse I piss like I piss like a dead horse just falls out yeah it falls out yeah it's so annoying that the piss falls out and the shit I have to push out and I get piles it should be the other way around yeah it feels like one of those like those myths where man gets cursed yeah for hubris yeah cursed to you know force out piss and whatever piss out shit they get the idea the urine is absorbed by his underwear and eventually evaporates there you go shepherd was asked what he was thinking about as he sat waiting for liftoff and he said the fact that every part of this ship was built by the lowest bidder so interesting yeah so what because of how just trying to cut just trying to cut corners is just going to get ahead now we get to a crucial moment 1961 john f kennedy in between fucking his interns and several other women.

13:49We choose to go to the moon before this decade is out. He says decade. Decade. Decade. So he basically says in 1961, we're going to put a man on the moon before the end of this decade, which is insanely ambitious. And given the state, given how far behind they were at this point, it's like, John. Yes. John, you're fucking us here. You're having a laugh. Yeah. You've lost your head. But this is very important because he actually, he was not that into the space program in private. In public, he was. but in private he wasn't. In private he was saying that we're putting so much money on it he kept trying to cut funding.

14:22Oh really? Right. He was just, this was his public face but he kept on speaking to his, you know, to people about cutting money for the space race. But when he dies in 63. Allegedly. Allegedly. Because he so publicly supported it, it really put a lot of funding behind it because it was in his memory. Right. Did they name the Kennedy Space Centre after he dies? Yeah, it just felt like because he had such an iconic speech like this it was like we need to get he based they viewed this almost as a dying wish and that's what put a lot of thrusters in the space race because it's then in 62 where he addresses rice rice university uh stupid name for university and he says we choose to go to the moon not because it's easy but because i'm hard someone fuck me he's so horny this guy yeah it's a good speech that one it is but this is my point is why i feel quite melancholic about this topic is because it's the last sort of time that you really felt like politicians in the state were doing great things and like ambition has sort of yeah there's no you know we haven't i don't know it just feels like it's interesting as well what i like about jfk as a president is he wasn't folksy in the way that because there's folksy presidents right yeah in a way barack obama had a folksiness lincoln has a folksiness to him uh reagan had a folksiness which is kind of like you relate to them but i also yeah clinton but i like what i like about jfk is he's not folksy he's not trying to relate to you he's like aspirational it's about dreams ambition but he's not doing it in yeah he is yeah blair's not folksy it's like yeah blair's very very kennedy you're right yeah and i do quite like that lead it's not being like a wet blanket or giving politicians answers like starmer or something like that yeah it's like looking above the crowd and saying you've not seen the clip of blair on question time where someone has a go at him and he just fucking fights goes for it he's involved he's fighting back yeah no one does this anymore he's just there with his jacket off yeah yeah he loved rolling his sleeves up blair just fucking get stuck in yeah yeah you know women bring back aspiration enough with the folksiness bring back blair i don't relate to you i'm no i'm far different than you i'm much smart i'm much richer much better looking than you but this is what we're gonna do we do i'm spending your money on this because i'm better than you yeah anyway so So 1962, John Glenn is the first American in orbit.

16:42He orbits Earth three times in the Friendship 7. Again, they've got to stop. Why are these names? Cook was in the Friendship. Cook, the ship that will never sink. Yeah, interesting. A sensor said his heat shield was loose, meaning he could burn up, but NASA kept this from him during the flight so he wouldn't panic, and the sensor ended up being wrong. That's nice. Crazy, that, isn't it? Don't tell me. If I'm fucked, don't tell me. Don't tell me. Don't tell me. I'll just die. Yeah. Push your limits, train with precision, see the results. At Equinox, that's high-performance loving. Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox.

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17:59Another smart move? Getting help from one of State Farm's 19 ,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling, just another way to save with the personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. Now we get to, we mentioned this in the last episode, Valentina Tereshkova, who's the first woman in space. She orbits the Earth 48 times. That's way too many times. She's doing donuts. Yeah, she couldn't park. She got lost. Orbiting the Earth 848 times does imply she was screaming the whole time.

18:34Is it not? Orbiting once is like, what an amazing achievement. But 48 is just, fucking... Yeah. But then she gets forced to marry another cosmonaut in a state ceremony afterwards. So basically, I don't really know... Forced? Yeah, because it's like a fairy tale. The marriage was encouraged by the Soviet space authorities as a fairy tale message to the country. Nearly one year after her space flight, she gave birth to their daughter, the first person whose parents had both travelled into space. I guess they're just trying to notch these. It's a lot about these milestones, isn't it? Yeah, but you can already feel how the USSR is starting to lag behind when they're like, okay, we'll put a woman in space.

19:07It's starting to go for novelty once. As a child, you know. Later in their marriage, the couple grew apart and refused to even stand next to each other in photographs. There you go. It's like forced marriages. I guess so. So now we get to the Woskot program, which is mainly like sort of political stunts. Yeah. Like the first - Like Evel Knievel. Sort of. like just doing fucking wheelies over the moon first multi-person spacecraft three cosmonauts squeeze in there's no room for space suits so if the cabin pressure goes they die instantly now the first spacewalk is by alexei leonov in 65 he nearly dies because his suit balloons so much he couldn't get back inside fuck me so this is terrifying stuff this is so terrible but all this stuff is you know even when you've got a planetary exploration like people going to the other end of the planet it's still it's a sea isn't it just another sea how terrifying being like the first people to be fully wait for the first spacewalk would he be the first human to be actually in space outside of craft yeah i get can you google that charlie alexi it's either him or it's ed white yeah because i mean that's pretty big yeah that's huge and we don't talk about this guy we talk about gagarin a lot yeah yeah he's alexi that's pretty big so the first person to feel what it's like to be so he floated in open space for 12 minutes and nine seconds and then the Americans do their version, I think, next.

20:28Yeah, so the American have a project called Gemini, which is now what, is that what Google's AI thing's called? Yes, yeah. Right. So Gemini is, they're training the astronauts to, these are all missions that have to be accomplished before they can think about landing someone on the moon. Right, right. So there's like a spacewalk, there's docking, that's where people get two cocks. Two cocks, yeah. So the astronauts are putting their cocks together. Right, we need to get these done before we even think about getting on the moon. You've got to wank each other off at the same time. With one hand.

20:56Yeah, and get your dicks together. But that's because what they do in the moon landing is they send a thing down and then some cunt is just lapping the moon and they have to re-dock to get back. Yes. But that is when a gay couple see that and think we could do that with our dicks. Yeah. So this is the long road. The gay space walk. The gay space race. Now we should place this. We fucked it so badly last time that Charlie had to do it. Which I had to step in. So 1969 is the moon landings. do you want to have another crack at this so another 1969 yeah I would say 1969 it's July 1969 is after the building of the BT Tower let's just confirm that 61 65 it's completed in 65 okay right so the BT Tower it can be seen from space can it probably not but the BT Tower is there as the astronauts go in yeah and it's before Alex the Hurricane Higgins won his first snooker tournament yes won the first world champions right he only won one tournament i think but is he wearing a purple fedora yet that's the key question let's see what higgins is that 70s that is 70s yeah 72 that's nice that's a really nice placement that's lovely unironically nice placement uh he's crying holding his baby and the snooker trophy and the beattie tower is there a man is on the moon yeah it's interesting from beattie tower to higgins in between there a lot got done yes um i choose to see the moon landings as the bridge between the bt towers erection and alex hurricane higgins storming the snooker world in 72 so uh ed white is america's first space walker he's the guy who uh didn't want to go back in and the transcript is very very lame can you get charlie can you chat gbt the transcript of trying to kill himself what no he didn't yeah he'd kept it yeah he'd kept it under wraps he was suicidal he was out there and then he just opened his helmet and just went fuck this no he was having so much fun oh right yeah that he didn't it wasn't like a sort of Switzerland thing now what the though the Russians were first the Americans had a much better spacewalking technology because they had thrusters yeah he had a little gun that he could like power himself yeah so the spacewalker could actually control where he was going where the Russian guy was all just basically fuck it yeah he was fucked he said I'm coming back in and it's the saddest moment of my life that's kind of cool I like that this is bullshit yeah genuinely so he's outside he's he's like seeing yeah the earth view i love what you do i think that's he's in the grip of the overview effect or whatever where you you know suddenly think that you get all wishy-washy and think that you know we're all the same or whatever yeah nonsense anyway right so at one point he's he's walking he's going wow i feel like a million dollars and then at one point the guy in the capsule goes come on let's get back in before it gets dark it's quite funny ed white goes it's the saddest moment was he saying that's a joke i guess so i mean that's or do i misunderstand how space works yeah i think it's always dark right depends which side of the earth yeah well where's the sun in all this they must be in between the sun the sun's back there is it yeah are they ever staring into the sun from space because that must be quite bad yeah their eyes but maybe they've got uv protection you'd think so like a bit massive sunglass lens yeah I'd do that if I was involved what's that I'd suggest that oh what just putting a UV do you have a test sometimes I just look at this as like a test in my eyes yeah makes sense what are you saying you're struggling with basically seeing and hearing you can do a couple seconds and then it gets really unbearable yeah and how often do you do that out of interest when the sun's out do you also put your ears next to drills to see how how much they can last yeah Ed White is the first American in space not on the craft Neil Armstrong on Gemini Mission 8 sends the spacecraft into a deadly spin but he calmly activates the re-entry thrusters and saves the mission and he's cold as ice Neil yeah he is that's why he's boring but he he's not Buzz Aldrin punching a conspiracy theorist no no no you've seen that that's great stuff he gets there's a guy just pestering Buzz Aldrin this is like when he's Buzz Aldrin's like 70 or 80 like pestering him he's like he's just constantly saying yeah that guy never ever leaves him alone no and he goes up to him he's like why aren't you honest about not landing on the moon why aren't you honest and he's like just please leave me alone and then at some point he just fucking it would be fucking annoying though yeah but does that make him seem more or less guilty because are you more or less likely to punch the one in the face if you've done it or if you haven't done it I don't know if you also you can see he's in fucking good nick for like a 70 year old Buzz Lightyear named after Buzz Aldrin yes that just there's two things now you've learnt what he's learnt today we know what Charlie's going to take away from this episode yeah Buzz Lightyear it's yeah why have you Because no one else is called Buzz, are they?

25:38Oh, yeah. Yeah. And Woody's named after Woody Allen. Really? No. No. You can't do that to him. You can't. You can't do that to him. So the fact that Neil Armstrong is so ice cold, that's why NASA want him to land on the moon in 67. So now we get to the start of the Apollo program, which is having successfully proved that people can live in space for 10, 12, for 14 days. Yeah. They can shove their dicks together and have all the fun they want up there. what's the yeah it's like i guess it's space dogging isn't it wait what docking is space dogging yes it's in going somewhere you won't be judged because there's no there's no kind of um judgment about gay stuff yeah you've got someone shouting at you over a radio what are you gonna fucking do i'm up here and no one can hear you come as well yeah yeah if you want to tell me off come up here yeah when you come up here yeah exactly you'd hate what i'm doing up here it's yuri that's when you start firing out the slurs yeah because what what are they oh i love such fun in space because we're like we need to stop him this is all what you can do the first thing 650 million people around the tv listening and i'm just screaming homophobic slurs racism you're old do you smell you smell i can smell you from here just imagine that someone getting down from there we can't we can't have him oh my god it's gonna take us a year to get up great leap for the white man imagine that his mics off we can't so funny i'd be so if i imagine i mean like armstrong the missed opportunity to say something so hilariously funny would be so good like if he'd farted as he came down the one oh no like it's live isn't it it'd be me at live anyway do you think he um i mean when do you reckon he wrote that line do you think he prepared that line well there's a whole thing about it because he actually gets it wrong well there's a dispute as to whether he says one small step for a man once giant leap for all mankind or no i think he does say that i think he'd planned to say no he says one step for a man he's he maybe says one small step for a man one giant leap for mankind but it's better the other way right it's it's more doesn't make as much grammatical sense but it feels more no but when you're writing you're meant to cut all the words you don't need right so it's much more literally literary right say one small step for man one giant leap for mankind and you want that to be a little tight yeah you don't want you don't fat it i would have been like it's like one like it's one kind of like much smaller than big yeah kind of like step forward from a person yeah that's me slash man well nowadays British guy nowadays you'd have to do you'd have to be all woke like well so obviously um this is a great victory for all genders and all I do a land acknowledgement obviously I'm here on stolen land the moon I acknowledge the original moon people of the fuck they are the clangers the clangers stolen this from the clangers that's their language yeah you do a clangers land acknowledgement and then you'd say something how you recognize all genders and uh even though you want to decolonize the moon you know you're you're a white man i'm doing this to make sure that no one colonizes it yeah i'd say i said the moon belongs to the aborigine people yeah give it give it to them they've not had much recently let's give them this but also it's just like you'd probably just be like oh fuck fuck i'm a fuck the moon's fucking fucking on the fucking moon this is fucking terrifying crazy yeah yeah um well that's probably what they said in apollo one actually let's get to that now on the launch pad of apollo one so this isn't even uh they're not going up anyway this is just like a test this is not even a joke this one this no this isn't funny actually it's not funny uh it's not funny because it's american boys who die yeah uh they're on the launch pad and then they're testing with pure oxygen which seems to be the running problem here yeah maybe cut that with something i would i would learn from my mistakes they're in the they're in the uh launch pardon a fire starts in the capsule and then in the in the film in a is it first man or is it apollo 13 i can't remember but they they show this and uh they're trying to undo the fucking hatch with like a radiator key basically and they can't undo it and the fire just engulfs all three of them it's a pretty terrifying way to go yeah it's awful uh so to gus grissom ed white who's the first space walker and roger chafee they all die um instantly just on a test launch pad and so nasa pauses for 21 months as they kind of rebuild the spacecraft and you know uh give everyone a bit of space this is the big moment one of the big moments is the death of korolov basically korolov out of nowhere dies from a routine surgery but he was arguably weakened by his years in stalin's gulags so this is where kind of the two different ideologies are starting to really form a little bit and the kind of flaws in the sort of soviet ideology which is if you put everyone in a gulag yes when you're trying to do a space program if you could potentially risk falling behind you know he had kidney problems lung problems because he'd been in siberia what was the routine seen me talking dental oh no i think it was more serious than that he was i think it was under he was under general i think a benign polyp removed from his large intestine just like fucking oh shit uh so he dies and uh as you said earlier how it was split into uh competing factions yeah who was going to get the finance the person who koralov was against was like they hate each other so much it was like a deep deep rivalry where they kept trying to undercut each other and would like fall behind to make sure the other one didn't get something yeah and that competition is what basically took the space race down and to be honest if they'd got all of their uh finances in one um together operation they probably would have done it first yeah and if koralov had survived yeah so after koralov koralov's death the soviet moon program disintegrates their giant n1 moon rocket explodes four times yeah uh one blast was so huge it was visible from 50 kilometers away yeah well well we were and they're basically they're out the race yeah 1968 i don't think america knows they're out the race but they are basically from corallor's death yeah they're out so um again we must stress that this is the race for uh second place the nazis win the space race now uh while this is all going on there is a third country that is uh competing in the space race and that is the newly founded country of Zambia.

32:03Who are a bit of a dark horse in this race. Yep, your words. They are in more ways than one. In 1960, there is a guy called Edward Mukukun Koloso and he envisions a Zambian-led mission to the moon and eventually Mars with his chosen astronauts or quote, Afronauts. Right. That's not something I've made up. That's what he calls them. That's what he called them. That's not me being racially sensitive. He calls them that, Afronauts. And these are a group of 12 teenagers trained on an abandoned farm. So their Gagarin, right, that would-be lead astronaut was a 16-year-old called Mather Mwemboawa. Why are you Gagarin?

32:49Mwamba. Un Colosso founds the Zambia National Academy of Science, Space Research and Philosophy in 1960. Nice. With philosophy as well. They're chucking a lot in there. Let's get it all in there. Let's do it all. So obviously the 60s in Africa is a huge... Independence movement, decolonization. All that stuff. So what he wants to do... There's a huge desire in Africa to modernize, right? Yes. But I feel this might be sort of running before you can walk. Yeah, slightly. Yeah. Now, they have a specially trained space girl, Martha Mwambwa. They're going to send two specially trained cats and a missionary.

33:27but I have warned the missionary he must not force Christianity on the people of Mars if they do not want it. That's okay. So this is where people start to think maybe he's not serious maybe this is a satire although he has maintained until his death that he was serious. Well this is it yeah. I think this is people around it have said it's a joke but he's never dropped the bit. And when you see the footage of the training camp it is hard not to think it's a joke. It's kind of amazing. It is pretty funny. It's a good bit. It is a very good bit. So they're on an abandoned farm. Because it was getting very serious the space race.

33:53So it was nice to let someone let a bit of pressure out. Yeah. he wears a cape and a helmet right um and so what they're doing is there's one guy in a helmet who's in a sort of um an oil barrel yeah and he's being floated down a river so this is their rocket which is a um it's generally just a big kind of tin can it's a tin can um and they uh and they also have their training and bear in mind at this point america and the ussr have sent several trips to outer space yeah they've they've lunar probes the gemini programs in existence and they are rolling a man down a hill in a in an oil drum they're going the wrong direction which is meant to simulate weightlessness they're also they're on a tire swing um they're going to cut the ropes to try to simulate the weightlessness you may feel for like half a second oh this is great gear it's pretty funny stuff yeah um now so that the training as i said they would roll down a hill inside a 200-litre oil drum.

34:53When they hit a big bump, N 'Coloso would celebrate saying they just experienced anti-gravity. They would use a tyre swing. He taught them how to walk on their hands, claiming it was the only way people could walk on the moon. Yeah, come on, he's having a laugh. He is, yeah. And the centre of the programme was the D-Kalu-1, a rocket named in honour of President Kenneth Kanda, which is actually a 10-foot oil barrel with an air hole in it.

35:18And they were going to launch it in October 64, which would coincide with zambia's independence day this is before america is they were winning the race in many ways until until the mid to late 60s um but the government ban him from doing it because they think it's going to be humiliating and they're not wrong yeah fair that's kind of if they actually went through the launch of a guy in a fucking oil drum so some people think that it was like pure media provocation uh because time magazine did cover it and stuff. But in later interviews, one with the president in 2016, the space program was described as, quote, it's not a real thing.

35:57But N 'Coloso maintains that he was being serious for the entirety of his life. Which is, yeah. I mean, he's just, it seems like a great comic. Yeah. He's counting all the way to the end. He's committing to the bit. Yeah. Don't back down. We are going to get, we're going to get someone in space in a tin can. Lovely stuff. Starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times. Your to-do list may feel endless with new tasks, and lists can easily begin to overrun your life. So finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything as a built-in business partner can be a game changer.

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38:39anyway back to the the other space race what are you saying what are you saying we say enough of this what are you saying if you were on your first moment on the moon just it's an opportunity to say something deeply problematic yeah just having really if you just have a user it's a really conservative talking point platform it's just very funny yeah the whole world's come together for this moment and you're saying no we are different and we should close our borders yeah I am pooing I'd go Britain first I am pooing I'd go England for the English England no it'd be funny if buzz aldrin cornered neil armstrong and said who are you here to meet that would be funny if he caught a nonce on the in the car park of the moon right that's the funny that's the funniest thing to do yeah uh apollo 7 is the first successful crewed flight which designs tested the redesigned command module yeah apollo 8 is the first humans to orbit the moon and this is where the famous earth rise photo is taken.

39:35That's the big one. That's the big one. Apollo nine is a couple of months later. And that's the first manned test of the lunar module in earth's orbit. Right. And then Apollo 10 is the dress rehearsal for the landing. And these are all with different crews. Yeah. So I met, so the thing I said that Apollo eight, Charles Lindbergh is the guy who flies across the Atlantic. Yeah. The male Amelia air crash. Yeah. He was talking to the crew of the Apollo eight and, And Apollo 8 was like, ah, I kind of wish we were going to be on Apollo 11 though, because that's the one where they're actually going to land on the moon.

40:09And he was like, no, no, no, you're the most important one. You're the most important flight there's ever been in human history. Because that was the first time they worked out they could go around the dark side of the moon and they could actually get into the orbit of the moon. But it wasn't the most important flight, was it? No, that did come later, yeah. Yeah, the most important flight was when they landed on the moon. The most important flight was the second plane of 9-11. That's the most important flight there's ever been. If we're being dicks about it, that was actually the most important one.

40:33And then we get to Apollo 11. So you've got Buzz Aldrin, who is, that's who Buzz Lightyear is named after. He's a bit fruity than Neil, right? Aldrin and Armstrong. Mr. Potato Head. You've got the three astronauts, Buzz Aldrin, Mr. Potato Head, and Slinky the dog. And was it Bo Beep? Nunu. Nunu the Hoover. Noonoo the Hoover's in there. No, that's Noonoo the Hoover's the spaceship. Right. Yeah, right. That used to be my one impression I could do. Really? Yeah, before Hitler. But now you can do so many impressions. Noonoo and Hitler. I can do Noonoo and Hitler. What kind of party is it? Is it a Noonoo party or a Hitler party?