Dev Vader | Mahatma Gandhi (Part 2/4)

28:51So he's starting to be a bit of a hippy-dippy at this point. Now, in 1906, we have the Zulu Rebellion, okay, which is, again, the fragile peace after the Anglo-Zulu War of 1879 erupts again, and the Zulus kick off once more, and Gandhi immediately reforms the Indian Ambulance Corps because he is in support of the British Empire. He's still Anakin at this point. this is where we also start to get a sense of one of Gandhi's big shall we say blind spots or boo-boos which is that although he is an anti-imperialist he's a scholar and a racist again he really embraces the 1890s he's a man of his time and what a time it is to be a man so he says quote what is our duty in these calamitous times in the colony it is not for me to say whether the revolt of the kefirs now that's a racial term for the black it's not um a fermented yogurt that's good for your gut no that's kefir right this is kaffir right again this is gandhi's words i'm using sure which is funny to use gandhi's words i need to distance myself this is not me this is gandhi all right don't judge me by these i'm not racist this is just what gandhi's what gandhi said right we are in Natal by value of British power our very existence depends on it it is therefore our duty to render help now he loves the word kafir he uses it a lot so the rebellion turns out to be a Zulu chief Bambatha who's refusing to pay a new tax so the tax is an additional poll tax on top of the pre-existent hut tax you've got to tax people tax the huts is that a hut in there?

30:38and it disproportionately targets Zulus So Gandhi, in his retrospective autobiography, changes tune and says, no, actually, my heart was with the Zulus and we had to nurse the wounded Zulus because the white soldiers used to dissuade us from attending to the wounds, but we would do it anyway because they were being abused. J.K. Rowling saying Dumbledore's gay, sort of. Totally. Yeah. Actually, in a book 30 years later, oh, no, I was on their team. No, no, he was gay the whole time. No, but so in the end, about 4 ,000 Zulus were killed for resisting taxation. the British tragically lose 36 men.

31:11I mean, yeah. But what's the greater crime? I mean, you cannot resist taxation. How does a state run with that? Death and taxes. Those are the two things. So let's get into Gandhi's chocolate box of racism. Despite his autobiographical revisionism to the Zulus, Gandhi has a pretty tough history of anti-black racism in South Africa. Now, you know, when in Rome, et cetera. but um this is one i mean he's a very controversial figure we should say in india today he's been disowned very much so uh which we'll get into more in the next part but um uh it's why he's you know in our in our kind of stereotypical view of him as like this holy man this ascetic it's never stereotypical it's normally it's rich and full-bodied i'd say well our view yeah we don't have any stereotypical views on this show this is it sorry yeah i mean our us in the west right right sorry um we're scholars with we you know we're scholars and racists but i mean for the for the average drawn for the average listener uh when they've stopped fucking their lightsaber you know when they're thinking about gandhi yeah a man who never fucked a lightsaber in his life

32:22right uh they think of gandhi as a holy man an ascetic man a monk-like figure sure who could do no wrong a mother theresa if you will yeah in in south africa where he starts his whole activism really he his basic opinion is guys we're not black yeah that's his whole point is we're indian we're not fucking them christ we're better than them starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times your to-do list may feel endless with new tasks and lists can easily begin to overrun your life. So finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything as a built-in business partner can be a game changer.

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34:27I got you. One of the most extraordinary on-screen bond you'll ever see. Only the greatest dog to ever walk the earth. Brad Pitt. I'll get you home. Heart of the Beast. Colleen Theater, September 25th. Rated PG-13. Maybe inappropriate for children under 13. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.

35:07Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. So he's using the hierarchy to try, like Judo. though. He's using his opponent's weight of argument to try and... Is it not the genius of the British Empire, though? Is that you get to the point where you've got them saying, well, we're not them. That's what everyone's saying. And then the Brits are going, I don't say that. That's a bit racist. That's a bit racist. Gandhi? Please. Now get in there with them. Now get over there with them. You're fucking racist. No. No, you can't stand with the whites, but you can stand on your own.

35:35How about that? So this is what he writes in 1893. General belief seems to prevail in the colony that the Indians are a little better if at all than savages or the natives of Africa. Again, not my words. even the children of sorts believe in that manner with the result that the indian is being dragged down to the position of a kefir again that's the slow black africans um we could not we could understand not being classed with whites but to be placed on the same level as the natives seems too much to put up with uh they are troublesome very dirty and live like animals his words live like animals gandhi that's your that's your hero is it that's gandhi on black people they live like animals that's that's your guy yeah that's your hero martin luther king's hero yeah well genuinely martin did you read everything did you read his 1890 stuff his early stuff's a bit fruity for you martin um and now he's on the fuck he's on the money for the earlier stuff i prefer i'm early oh yeah i prefer gandhi's early yeah yeah before he went major street you know i think the 1920s when he goes back to india that's like kid a i'm like guys get back to the events yeah so he also demands that indians be allowed to use the white entrance at post offices so that they're not classed with black africans so he is you know um if you're more so than wanting indians to be uh respected by whites he's wanting indians not to be treated as badly as black he wants he wants the blacks to stay where they are right and he wants to try and distance yeah he's fighting for a third category yeah that's better than the bottom he's fighting for an indian middle class yeah right in a racialized society which which happens in uganda yes yes so um in 1904 during an epidemic he demands the segregation he demands segregation this is your hero really a pro-segregationist he's demanding it as well demanding i mean i you know you can't do that no apparently these days you can suggest but you can't you can infer but you cannot demand that's crazy he said that health officers in Johannesburg must withdraw kafirs in 1905 he says Indian men have no war dances nor does he drink kafir beer what's that is that is that yoghurt beer that sounds disgusting that does sound horrible a fucking IPA is it is that all that nonsense brew dog shit he demands again that black people and Indians be separated in hospitals during a plague he referred to the Zulu Rebellion as the Kaffir rebellion.

38:06This is all stuff he says before he writes his own autobiography and goes, oh no, I love them actually. An academic argues that Gandhi's blanking of Africans, I wouldn't say he blanks them, I'd say he goes in quite hard on them, is the black hole at the heart of his saintly mythology. Sure. In all his time in South Africa, Gandhi is described as not as one of apartheid's first opponents, but as one of its first proponents. Wow. Lovely stuff. that's brilliant. I love that. I think there's a statue of him in South Africa that's recently been torn down. really yeah i believe i mean if south africans are tearing your statue down what the fuck did you do you know you know i mean you could just be a fucking farmer and the bristolians will turn you to tell your statue just have leathery skin you definitely were an unbelievable racist back in the day but like you don't have to do anything for a bristolian to tell you such down but you're south african god um so he lived in the trans fall the trans fall the trans she's turned she's got in Schlong.

39:01She's Transvaal. Well, she's Cobb Knowledge, isn't she? And so we get to the Asiatic Registration Act of 1906. So this is where the colony's population in Transvaal is 74 % black, less than 1 % Asian, and 23 % white. And Transvaal passed the Act, which requires all Asian residents of eight years or older to put their names on a register, as if they're sex offenders. go door to door and say I'm Asian sorry I've just moved into your neighbourhood I have to let you know that I'm an Indian give fingerprints and they have to they could also they could be stopped at any point by a policeman and say show me your ID yeah which tells me you're Indian so I guess the policeman goes I think are you Indian just confirm that confirm that for me the police would also have rights to go into your house and like turn it over and look for stuff hang out in there sometimes if they want chill out I don't think it's chilling out I think it's I think it's basically robbing you they can eat anything in your fridge yeah And I think this is very, to kind of socially conservative Hindus, this is deeply problematic because their home is like sacred and women shouldn't be touched.

40:10That's their thing. Right, right, right. So in 1906, Gandhi is part of an association that seeks to gain a British veto to the register. So anyone who's a British Indian should be exempt. Again, he's not saying all Indians. He's saying, well, I'm British. let me I mean he's a fucking you know he's a snake on a ship isn't he yeah he's kicking a woman out of that boat on the Titanic yeah he's wearing the same thing yeah he is he dresses like he's trying to escape the Titanic while pretending to be a woman look I'm a big baby look I'm a big baby get me on the boat that's what he's doing he's a rat what he actually is is a nationalist he's fucking he's Rupert Lowe basically for Indians well you stop going on about Rupert Lowe you're sending me all his reels you're posting them all the time on your Instagram Restore Britain.

41:00This all kicks off because of this register. And he demands freedom for the Indian population. And they do succeed in stopping the law from being passed. Now, what also happens in 1906 is that Gandhi takes a vow of brahmacharya. It's hard to say. Sounds like one of Gaddafi's books. Brahmacharya. And it's about as useful as one of Gaddafi's books. why do you say that this is the vow of celibacy and semen retention I don't think you can cast dispersions on his semen retention because you haven't seen him without semen retention I think it's easy to say well that didn't help but you don't know what he was like if he wasn't semen retention I think we do know what he was like he was ignoring his dad because he was fucking a 15 year old exactly so I think it was very effective but see he this first means that he renounces sex with his wife did he announce him renouncing sex with his wife come here love come here love got something to tell you no more none of it you're done you're cut off done of it you know that thing you keep trying to make me do I'm not doing it anymore yeah he couldn't wait to start with sex with his wife though yeah it is amazing just how he clearly just despised this woman absolutely despised her but I think if anyone if anyone you know it's part of the manosphere now isn't it sebum retention if anyone undergoes this takes a celibacy of sebum retention if you're their wife you can't help but take that personally is it about me yeah is it something I'm doing we'll get to him testing his temptation it's similar to the OJ series in this in that every part it gets more and more messed up can you get close can you edge yourself can you just before I'll defer to my scholar on scene retention Horatio Gould who has read I have read a lot of literature I imagine you're playing a dangerous game if you're doing that and I imagine...

42:56Is that not the ultimate test of semen retention? I imagine the rules are the rules. So if you're not coming... What about your pre-semen retention, pre-cum retention? Well, I don't think you can control that. You can't. Well, I guess... I can. With enough meditation and holiness and you probably can get to a state of Nirvana where you can stop having wet dreams. Yes. But that's hard. Now, Gandhi had had wet dreams. Yeah. And he's lived it himself. He hates it. Are you saying that his cloak wasn't originally white? It was a brown cloak. It was a brown cloak. Every night, he'd wake up and be like, fucking hell.

43:36Like a garden hose. Like garden hose, yeah. Turn that hose off. Yeah. Immediate hose pipe ban. Yeah. Yeah, I think I could control pre-cum retention. Do you? I think if I commune... You're an incredibly arrogant man. wow wow i'm a holy man i'm a holy holy man wouldn't it be funny to make an argument that it turns out that all you're not god you're a mere mortal you should know that no i'm a deity wouldn't it be funny to argue that all a man's strength comes from his pre-cum right and the pre-cums actually i want to hear you explain why you if you hadn't masturbated for 15 years how you would also be able to control pre-cum do you think you'd have the mental toughness it's all in there it's test cricket right i'm playing test cricket pre-cum's the openers sure i've got good openers right some men they're having sex he probably they've got rory burns down there it's just fucking first ball mitchell stark pre-cum everywhere do you know i think gandy's strength is whenever he felt he thought he was going to bust uh he just thought of his awful wife he hates yeah that's just he uses that no if you marry that if you marry a woman you hate yeah that's like he's always got something there can we have a look at the can we have a look at the rabbit please charlie can we let can we see gandhi's wife it doesn't let the dog see the rabbit can we have a look at the rabbit can we have a look at the rabbit we're not we're not dogs though are we let's get a young cat stirber cat stirber gandhi not not older than when he marries her please because they do marry at 13 so they had four kids before 20 yeah she's always about but he's fucking you can just tell you look at that photo yeah he's just telling her story again she looks she just she looks quite nice just wasn't for him not for him well it is suspicious that as soon as she turned like 19 he's like i will never have sex with you again yeah you're cut off that's crazy literally as soon as she stopped being a teenager he was like i'm not interested yeah get out of my sight i'm not having sex ever again if you're 19 now that's disgusting i've gone off all women so he thinks that one who conserves his vital fluid acquires unfailing power i mean this is pre-semen this is what all these manosphere guys are talking about it's really the exact same stuff yeah but is is is he the innovator of this is it a long history of semen retention i don't know what's he building on is he building on a hindu thing is there a i'm sure there's something about there's there's a lot about like sexual i guess like catholics you'd not you're not meant to masturbate and stuff like that before marriage right yeah but they're fucking slipping it in goats fucking doing anal you know it's not exactly retention yeah when when has an italian ever retained anything it's true you know semen retention conserves vitality is essential for physical, mental and spiritual health.

46:40I mean, I disagree hard on this. Mental health, retaining semen. What do you think, Charlie? Do you think, do you find yourself sharper if you have resisted the urge for a while? Because I mean, I do, you know, I have a lot of friends who are - So many friends. Well, they're comedians who I'm deciding not to name. Yeah, fine. who find they uh i've got a friend who's on a diet of senior retention he says it's changed his life diet yeah right okay a strict diet he still has sex but he says uh masturbating he's he said he's masturbating every day of his life since he was 14 and now he's stopped uh and he says it's like it's changed his life the energy he's got like he's got a new lust for life maybe that's not watching porn no but it's not is the lack of porn actually the benefit porn obviously is bad um i think porn is the reason why it's obviously it's definitely not good for you but i the interesting question is if you can withhold does that give you an extra bit of bite in your day that's what i sometimes think about no you don't think so no i think it just it's just something that's looming over you like i'm gonna have to do that at some point so i may as well do it right now yeah but You're someone who's never resisted the urge.

47:56You've masturbated in these offices before. So you never resisted the urge. Not in the office. You've never resisted the urge for anything. Yeah. Eating, drinking, having a cigarette. So you're like maybe the least even retentive man ever. No. And I don't know how much. I don't think that's fair. I'm sorry, Charlie. I think it really hurt your feelings. I mean, you wanted to poo. You just pooed in your hand through in the toilet. The urge to sit in the toilet like a human rather than just sort of hurling it around. If the edit's taking too long, just pop off to the toilet. But that's how I get it done.

48:25It's like, go and do that. But you think if you took, would you be able to maybe do an experiment for us? Would you be able to take a week off? Would you be able to see me in an attempt for a week? I don't really want to be across that experiment. If I'm honest. I'm happy to do that. I want to see if there's any changes. He could come, he's in a suit, he's got a wife and kids. What, next week when we record? Yeah, I'm happy to try. Father of three, he's got a fucking Volvo.

48:54Right. I'd like you to be an experiment to go in if you wouldn't. Sure, yeah, yeah. I'd actually be fascinated. I don't think there's any benefit other than not watching porn. I don't think, unless you're wanking, unless you're one of those guys that wanks like every, I don't wank every day. You'd be surprised to hear. When I do it, I really do it. Yeah. You're a binge wanker. I'm a binge wanker. Yeah. Wake up four days later, where the fuck am I? Yeah. Shit in your pants. Right. So, following the Zulu Rebellion and the Asiatic Registration Act, Gandhi starts to articulate his key philosophies and its founding pillar, Satyagaraha, a combination of the Sanskrit words Satya and Agara, so truth and force.

49:32The force of truth. This is his conceptualization of non-violent resistance. So he believes that if you confront evil with non-violent refusal, it's an act of moral truth, and you're always going to have the upper hand. I want to put a pin in this argument for when we get to the 40s. Very, very, very funny. Anyway, so the teaching is Jain's teaching. Jaina. Jaina. As we said last time, Ahamsa, Aham actually, sir. Ahamsa, no, is the non-violence towards anyone. And Bramcharaya is the commitment to spiritual growth through sexual abstinence and other self-discipline. So let's go through the nine pillars of Satyagraha.

50:12So this is Gandhi's nine pillars. Non-violence, truth, not stealing, non-possession, body labor or bread labor, which is the moral obligation to perform physical work, to earn a daily meal, control of desires, fearlessness, equal respect for all religions, and economic strategy such as boycotts of imported goods. It feels like everything was pretty spiritual to that last one. I feel like he needed seven. If he needed nine. That's right. Get a deadline. He's trying to get to ten. Fuck. That took me out of the sort of more holiness of it. Talking about imported goods. Boycotting imported goods. so this is where like he now he's meant to be as africa for a year and he ends up being there for 20 23 years i love it i'll stay i think thank you yeah yeah so he establishes the tolstoy farm in 1910 which is where he begins to practice satya garaha and politically organized and above all it's a sort of safe space for indians and south africa a safe space away from all the black that Gandhi hates.

51:20So, inmates at the farm, inmates is a big word, are vegetarians, ascetics, and they embrace egalitarian politics. So, Gandhi's movement is supported by Sonja Schleschlein, who Gandhi labels as having led the movement single-handed in its absence. Blah, blah, boring, boring, boring. Right. Now, let's get to Gandhi and the miners. Wait. Gandhi and the miners is coming later. Not those miners. that's coming in part four. Gandhi's most notable political action in South Africa is the 1913 miners' strike. I mean, he does do a miners' strike. He also does a miners' strike, but again, we'll get to that later.

52:00This is the first time that his actual philosophy gets applied on an industrial scale. Someone else's philosophy gets applied on an industrial scale. Quite near to here, right? That's another link he has with Hitler. This is an age where philosophies could be done on an industrial scale for the first time. Yes. Oh, to be alive at a time where your philosophies could be implemented on scale. So this is Gandhi's Holocaust, go on. You were saying, Fintana. Sorry, I'm a Gandhi Holocaust denier. The strike is triggered by two specific insulting laws. An annual three pound tax on former Indian laborers who chose to stay after their contracts had expired, which is about three pounds is six months salary.

52:45God, how hard to fucking clean up there. Yeah. I don't know how much pints cost there. God, I mean, I do think we, you know. The 1p pint. In many ways, when you're talking about my generation having lived through like, you know, financial crash, Brexit, COVID, as you become an adult, I did miss out on the fucking house in days of exchange rates. What do you mean? Well, I could just fucking go to like. Go somewhere else and then just. Just fucking buy the place. Yeah. You know. You can still do that a little bit, I guess. Where, though? Yeah. Where am I hoovering up that's not a complete hole? i guess it's vietnam quite cheap i guess it's got all touristy you know do i have to go to fucking burundi yeah probably to clean up but then i was like what is there to clean up a lot well yeah there's a lot of work to do i don't want it to be like a charity thing i want to i want to i want fucking tempeh pints or whatever um anyway so the cape supreme court ruling of 1913 had invalidated all non-christian marriages which made indian wives concubines and children illegitimate in the eyes of the law.

53:49So a miners' strike begins in Natal, in Newcastle. So it's about 100 years before the, no, about 80 years before the miners' strikes in Britain. And I guess Gandhi's like Arthur Scargill at this point. Gandhi organises the Great March, where 2 ,000 people cross the border into the Transvaal, which is an illegal act of civil disobedience. The rules, the rules. And the goal is to get, if you get arrested en masse, then you will paralyze the colonial administration who have to deal with you. So he gets arrested three times during the march. He's released unexpectedly after the strike gains international attention.

54:28And the British government in India is horrified. And the UK government pressures the South African leader, Jan Smuts, friend of the world, to find a resolution. So the strike is a total victory, which leads to the Indian Relief Act of 1914, which abolishes the tax, validates the marriages and ends the system of indentured labor. And so it's a major achievement that Gandhi has proved that civil disobedience, i.e. being professionally annoying, being a wanker. 2000 Asbos. yeah basically it's the first time this is you know he's actually also it should be said he's quite inspired by what the suffragettes are doing he's inspired and he thinks the suffragettes are very good up until they start getting violent well it's interesting with Gandhi because in modern India a lot of the turn away from Gandhi by the current Modi government is because they're a bit more manosphere the world's getting more masculine and Gandhi is sort of like he looks kind of non-binary he's quite like effeminate he's like a baby And it's like, as effective as he was, this is chick shit.

55:34Yes, it is. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it is. It's suffragette shit. Yeah, it's girl shit. Yeah, I'm not eating. Yeah. Eat. Drink. Drink water. I'm not eating until you - I know you like horses, but you can't just go into - Oh, fucking hell. Until you agree with me, I won't eat. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's chick shit. It is. And Modi's a bro. Yeah, it is. So it's just like, we're not all pussies like Andy. Yeah, exactly. Everyone's trying to say now. No. so it proves that Satyagraha can successfully defeat rigid colonial government laws and as we end this part and go into part three Gandhi will return to India and he will really start to make his name as the Gandhi the Mahatma that we now know him for and he will become Darth Vader yeah he turns to the dark side that's him trying to hold that's him trying to hold on his car that's him edging with a lightsaber.

56:32But Gandhi's toes were like this all the time. Just... He sat down like this. Next time, we'll be dealing with Gandhi's return to India where it becomes Darth Vader. Though the next two episodes where he starts writing letters to a friend of the pod... The Gan job takes new levels. Yeah. That was already on the Patreon where for three pounds a month, you too can join an army of people who fuck their lightsabers. We are also doing patron specials on the history of Hinduism where we review the Kama Sutra, which I know our listeners will be fascinated to learn. But if not, we will see you on Monday as we get, as Mahatma returns to India full of cum, brimming with cum.

57:14Mano Fatma Gandhi. And what's going to happen? We'll see you next time. Goodbye.

57:36On September 25th... No one's coming for us. It's just you and me, boy. 58 miles. Part of the Beast is the must-see adventure of the year. An incredible story of survival. I got you. One of the most extraordinary on-screen blonde you'll ever see. Odie, the greatest dog to ever walk the earth. Brad Pitt. I'll get you home. Heart of the Beast. Colleen Theater, September 25th. Rated PG-13. Maybe inappropriate for children under 13. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects.

58:19And when you need more than just answers, Give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Hey, I'm running out to drop off a stack of letters and packages. Need anything shipped while I'm gone? Save the gas. Stamps.com lets you print postage and schedule pickups right from your desk. Sync your contacts into the address book. Get detailed accounting insights and get notified the moment your certified mail is delivered. All from my desk?

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