In short
World Cup History (Part 3/4) covering 1974 (Zaire at West Germany), 1978 (Argentina’s title amid dictatorship and alleged match-fixing), and 1982/1986 (Maradona, Falklands fallout, and the England–Argentina quarter-final).
Guests
“The Upshot boys” (two male hosts). Backgrounds aren’t specified in the transcript beyond being co-hosts/football-history commentators.
Key claims
- 1974: Zaire (led by dictator Mobutu Sese Seko) qualifies but money is embezzled; FIFA pays them directly. Mobutu threatens they must not lose by more than three goals to Brazil or they can’t return.
- 1978: Argentina’s military junta (described as torturing/disappearing opponents) hosts a “sports-washing” tournament. Allegation: Argentina beat Peru 6-0 via a deal involving torture/disappearances of Peruvian dissidents and financial/grain exchanges; Kissinger is described as guest of honor. Allegation also includes Josef Mengele being invited to watch.
- 1982: Maradona is distracted by the Falklands war; Argentina’s campaign is framed as revenge and political cover.
- 1986: Colombia can’t host due to FARC-linked instability; Mexico hosts instead.
Notable examples
- Zaire’s defender Mwepu Ilunga boots the ball early; BBC allegedly framed it as “native confusion,” but the hosts claim it was time-wasting to avoid Mobutu’s wrath.
- 1978: Argentina walk off for seven minutes over an Israeli referee; FIFA replaces him. Argentina win the final with heavy ticker-tape celebration.
- 1986: England–Argentina quarter-final includes Maradona’s “Hand of God” and “Goal of the Century” moments; referee is Ali Bin Nasser (Tunisia).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOThe Zaire Incident in 1974
0:45 to 4:10
Discussion on Zaire's participation in the 1974 World Cup and the dictator Mobutu.
“Is there a nice story or supposedly this NBA player who he became mates with and went over there and then this NBA player Rodman?”
Political Turmoil in Argentina
4:10 to 9:05
Exploration of Argentina's political climate leading up to the 1978 World Cup.
“But the Argentinians would view 1966 as far worse than this, right?”
Allegations of Match Fixing
9:05 to 13:50
Discussion on allegations of match fixing during the 1978 World Cup involving Peru.
“in exchange for a favourable scoreline in the Peruvian government.”
Discussion on Suicide and Dark Humor
14:01 to 15:00
Exploring humorous takes on dark topics, including suicide and social commentary.
“If there's a car bomb going off every three hours then it was bound to happen.”
Mengele's Presence at the Tournament
15:00 to 18:22
Discussion of Joseph Mengele's rumored attendance at a football tournament and its implications.
Eichmann's Extradition and Historical Discourse
18:22 to 19:59
Examining the historical context of Eichmann's extradition and public sentiment.
“Argentina famously don't mind about Nazis.”
Argentina's 1978 World Cup Win and Its Controversies
19:59 to 22:20
Analyzing the political backdrop of Argentina's 1978 World Cup victory and its controversies.
“Anyway, so they protest that there's an Israeli ref.”
Maradona: The Cultural Icon
22:20 to 25:56
A deep dive into Diego Maradona's life, career, and his cultural impact.
“If we're doing ugly footballers, he's not scratching the side.”
Maradona’s Antics and the Vatican Visit
25:56 to 27:51
Discussing Maradona's notorious behavior, including his infamous encounter at the Vatican.
“But I mean, one of the great documentaries is the film about Maradona by the guy that did the Amy Winehouse.”
The Falklands Conflict and Its Impact on the World Cup
28:00 to 29:00
Explore how the Falklands War influenced the sentiment around the 1982 World Cup.
Show all 32 chapters
Maradona's 1982 Experience
29:00 to 30:10
Delve into Maradona's turbulent experience during the 1982 World Cup amid national turmoil.
“um so uh now in 82 uh maradona gets kicked to shit is 82 where there's a photo of him going through the Belgian team.”
Media and Jingoism During the World Cup
30:10 to 31:20
Discuss the role of media and nationalism in shaping public perception of the World Cup.
Maradona's Aggressive Matches
31:20 to 33:35
Examine the aggressive style of play Maradona faced and the context behind it.
“Are ballerinas doing coke in a Pope's bathroom?”
Maradona's Time in Napoli
33:40 to 35:00
Learn about Maradona's life in Napoli and his controversial lifestyle.
“We've ranked Pakistanis high recently, but let me tell you about Kharulian Indians.”
Drug Testing and Maradona's Tactics
35:00 to 36:20
Uncover the tactics Maradona used to avoid drug testing during his career.
Maradona and Controversial Practices
36:20 to 37:40
Explore the bizarre stories surrounding Maradona's life and his antics.
“Top 1 % of vaginas Imagine if she wasn't For acidity Do you want acidity or alkaline?”
Discussion on the Wizzinator
37:40 to 39:00
Engage in a humorous discussion about the Wizzinator and its reputation.
“Maybe you have to do it in front of them or...”
Maradona's Relationships and Personal Life
39:00 to 40:00
Investigate the peculiar aspects of Maradona's relationships and preferences.
Football and Personal Analogies
40:00 to 42:00
Hear a comedic comparison of football tactics to personal life experiences.
“The ideal goal will be, from a goal kick, two touches.”
Maradona and Fidel Castro Connection
42:00 to 43:10
Discussion about Maradona's friendship with Fidel Castro and humorous anecdotes.
Colombia's 1986 World Cup Hosting Crisis
43:10 to 44:01
Exploration of Colombia's economic struggles that led to them relinquishing World Cup hosting rights.
“Now in 86, Colombia were meant to host the World Cup, but their economy went through the floor because of the, like the FARC drug wars.”
Mexico's Role in the World Cup
44:01 to 45:05
Insight into Mexico's World Cup hosting after Colombia's withdrawal and political implications.
Tensions and Rivalry: England vs Argentina
45:05 to 46:28
Analysis of the intense rivalry between England and Argentina stemming from historical conflicts.
“Maradona said in his autobiography, it was like beating a country, not a football team.”
The Infamous Hand of God Goal
46:28 to 47:47
Revisiting Maradona's controversial 'Hand of God' goal and its implications.
“fought in the Falklands and as a result Tevez refused to ever learn English when he was at Man United.”
The Goal of the Century
47:47 to 49:15
Discussion about Maradona's iconic second goal against England in 1986.
“My mate lives next to the Bin Ladins in Dorset apparently.”
Maradona's Legacy and Challenges
49:15 to 51:00
Exploring Maradona's legacy, personal struggles, and impact on football culture.
“And let's get some Argentinian commentary up.”
The 1986 Final and Aftermath
51:00 to 52:55
A look at Argentina's victory in the 1986 World Cup and Maradona's subsequent challenges.
“Jack watched that final with his back turn like this.”
Maradona's Drug Controversies
52:55 to 54:08
Discussion on Maradona's drug use, tests, and the impact on his career.
“and fast food hunger strike between breakfast and lunch it's very healthy and by one p.m.”
Maradona's Polarizing Figure in Italy
54:08 to 55:16
Examination of Maradona's controversial status in Italy during the 90s.
“Is it performance enhancing as a producer doing the concoction of drugs you do on the weekend?”
The 1990 World Cup and Its Legacy
55:16 to 56:01
Insights on the 1990 World Cup and the shift in football culture and fandom.
“because he basically splits Italy in two.”
Italy '90: A Turning Point for Football
56:01 to 58:33
Explore the significance of the 1990 World Cup in Italy and its impact on football culture.
“So, Italian 90 is kind of England's great rehabilitation because the 80s have been dogged by hooliganism, which we're going to be talking about on the Patreon.”
The Upshot Podcast Insights
58:34 to 1:02:16
Join the hosts as they discuss various episodes and themes of The Upshot podcast.
“But no, I haven't been switch hit out of the studio yet.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:12Welcome back to Finverse History. It's part three of the World Cup story. We're still joined by the Upshot boys. Hello. And this episode we're going to the den of iniquity that is South America in the 70s. It's the sewer. yeah you keep leaving big challenges in south america this series you're really putting some crunching tackles in well we're gonna see why aren't we we're gonna see why something we missed out on the last episode was which i i thought it happened in a later world cup we should just animals the argentinians are animals uh and the brazilian the brazilians keep trying to fuck them no no you guys you want goats anyway uh in 1974 in the west german world cup uh we need to talk about Zaire because this is one of the funniest moments i only realized yesterday that it's not actually what i as funny as i thought it was so you wear this moment so brazil are taking it so zaire qualify and they're being uh led by a dictator in zaire formerly the congo called mabutu oh yeah have you guys done this on your yeah we've done mabutu and yeah so who's mabutu big dictator he organized the rumble in the jungle as well he's not doing the sports washing thing for Congo.
1:22Is there a nice story or supposedly this NBA player who he became mates with and went over there and then this NBA player Rodman? Disappeared. No, it wasn't him. It was someone else. This guy disappeared and the story is that he got eaten by Mabuti. That might have been Idi Amin. That's Idi Amin. Idi Amin also threatened Muhammad Ali as well. Yes, he did. But yeah, Mabuti, so it's Zaire as it's called then. And he's got some insanely long name. he's changed his name too you're right and it's sort of the ideal dictator look leopard print hat the all powerful warrior who because of his endurance and inflexible will to win goes from conquest to conquest leaving fire in his wake it's like that Welsh town that's my pet name big run up
2:07you off my heart yeah and he wears the iconic dictator look you know what I mean it's like leopard print sort of soldier's hat made of leopard print yeah yeah could look almost airline air hostessi Yes. Yeah, quite like the short skirt. You wouldn't say that to him, no? No, I can't. No. So anyway, so he's, they're promised financial rewards for qualifying. They get embezzled and then the squad say we're not going to play. So then FIFA pay them directly to play Yugoslavia. They lose 9-0. Mabuti then directly intervenes saying if they lose by more than three goals to Brazil, then they wouldn't be allowed to return to Zaire.
2:44So that's the context. That's great. So they're 2-0 down to Brazil. when Brazil gets a free kick so the 9-0 was a group stage game yeah so they yes I did not make it out of the group sorry to break that to you there's a game where so they're losing 2-0 to Brazil there's a free kick and then they're lining up in a wall and this must be like the last sort of 20 minutes of the game so you know never have there been higher stakes really for the Zayipers one of them a defender called Mwepu Ilunga just runs out before the whistle's gone just boots the ball upfield and the BBC spin this as like native confusion.
3:22Doesn't know the rules. Oh, doesn't know the rules. Now I genuinely thought that's what this was until yesterday. At the World Cup. I listened to a podcast and, oh no, it was because he was... Oh, this is brilliant. I love this native confusion story. No, because I remember this from watching the FIFA sanctioned box set, History of the World Cup, when I was a kid and Barry Davis goes, oh bless him he doesn't even know the rules or whatever uh but actually it turns out he was just trying to save his own life time wasting he was time wasted yeah because the other thing i heard there was it was like trying to humiliate and booty by maybe by by maybe he's the one that went to fifa and was like yeah i didn't sorry i didn't even know the rules i reckon you stick this on the dvd box set well i believed that until yesterday and so i guess it's not as funny anyway um let's get to south america uh 1978 argentina uh this is an absolute powder keg sure uh the you know the hiroshima of the invasion of port stanley yeah is only four years away yeah the one of many british hiroshima's yeah i've lost count of how many hiroshima's there's been in this series yeah um so there's a military junta yeah uh and these guys are not good guys they're not good guys they're they're chucking uh left-wing students out of helicopters yeah which i do to be fair is quite funny to get to get some new cross goldsmith students right out of the bin fuck off um uh they yeah they're bad guys inflation in 1976 exceeds 560 because the argentinian economy is just sort of like psychedelic at this point yeah it's kind of they started off being quite a powerful they're like a miracle of the south yes and now it's just like inflation is an insane it's just been spiraling for years now yeah it doesn't really get better in 1976 a bomb goes off in buenos aires on average every three hours uh there was a political assassination every five hours every five hours there's a political assassination god who's who's who's left exactly this is like the troubles on speed in argentina so this is like local councillors at this point though yeah i guess so yeah yeah uh they're bombing jackie weaver yeah with the country completely ungovernable the military junta come in uh hall gave ideya and they establish a regime which uh will you know will commit the original sin of invading our southern border the falkland islands they will also disappear an estimated 30 000 people sure but they inherit the world cup from the previous government yeah uh and they think this is this This is probably, apart from Mussolini's World Cup, this is, I suppose, the most corrupt, the most dirty, the most sports washing.
6:04But the Argentinians would view 1966 as far worse than this, right? Yeah. Because of the red card. Because of the red card. The referee incision. Yeah. Because someone didn't understand the order to be sent off. Right. They hadn't learned English. Yeah. But then underneath the ground, aren't poets getting tortured literally while people are playing? No. Exactly. When England lift the World Cup, there is not some left-wing students being thrown from a helicopter into the sea. A celebration. So that was the swinging 60s, so they were loving it. Exactly. Prime time for left-wing students. So this is also, I guess, this episode is Maradona's story.
6:41Right. You know, Maradona doesn't play in the 78 World Cup, but he is, was he 17? He's too young to play. But they're still a great team. They've got like Mario Kempes and Ossiar Diaz. and they've got Cesar Minotti as their coach who's like maybe the thinnest man I've ever seen just chain smoking a real kind of professor let's have a look at Cesar Minotti Charlie oh yeah it's Bruce Forsyth Argentine Bruce Forsyth he would just sit just chain smoking on the sidelines is this when I like that when did Maradona fall in a cesspit that was like when he was a child because he lived because he was a super poor upbringing right yeah he fell into a cesspit and almost drowned.
7:23So what is a cesspit in a literal sense? A huge tank of shit. The whole of Argentina. Yeah, do you mean he just walked out of the dirt and he just fell over in Argentina? What is that? It's a tank of shit. It's a tank of shit. All the shit flows into it. I don't know if it's even a tank. I think it was just a pit. It was a pit. A hole in the ground. Didn't it happen to some girl at Glastonbury or something? She fell down into the looms just swimming in it. Yeah, loving it. Yeah. Swimming it implies she's loving it. It's like those French toilets. It's also known as the healing fields. Um, so, okay.
7:53So Maradona falls in a big pit of shit. Yeah. So he doesn't go to the world cup. Yeah. But is that his kind of Spider-Man? Does he get bitten by a radioactive turd? There's probably a lot of coke in the shit. A kid explains it. Yes. That's right. Um, he's wandering around the dark. He falls into a pit. We're saved by his uncle Cirillo. Jumps in and pulls him to safety. Famously urging your young child to keep your head above the shit. That's a sort of moral life lesson, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. You're jumping in for a nephew? Yeah. No. I don't know. non-sea isn't it a bit non-sea to do that would you arrest him immediately arrest Cirillo immediately it was a test yes it was and you failed you failed it's like the old witch test so but now there's also a whole thing about like Operation Condor which was the American like sort of funding CIA CIA Hunter they're helping him out yeah so what is it so Argentina need to beat Peru by at least four goals to reach the final 78 and then they end up winning 6-0 and there are all these allegations about whether it was fixed as part of a human exchange.
8:58Because Vidal agrees to take and process, i.e. torture and chuck out the helicopter, 13 Peruvian dissidents in exchange for a favourable scoreline in the Peruvian government. Economic records suggest... It's quite funny calling it processing. Yes. You need to be processed. I mean data processing. You need to be processed properly. So Argentina allegedly ships 35 ,000 tonnes of grain to Peru, and then they release$50 million of frozen assets after the game has been lost 6-0. So that's the exchange rate. That's the exchange rate, yeah. In 1991, two hikers in the Alps found a body melting in the ice.
9:36They assumed a fallen climber. What they'd actually found was a 5 ,000-year-old murder victim. Welcome to Buried Evidence. Join archaeologist Professor Raksha Dave and me, historian Rebecca Radiel, as we dig up some fascinating true crime through history. Launching on Friday the 4th of September, you can find Buried Evidence wherever you watch or listen to your podcasts. Subscribe at thecrimedesk.com and get episodes a week before anyone else. Is everything we knew about warfare changing right before our eyes? The war in Ukraine began with tanks and infantry, now drones, network systems and low-cost weapons wage a battle for dominance.
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11:0225 years ago this week, Al-Qaeda's attacks on the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and a United Airlines flight killed almost 3 ,000 people, and set in train events that would kill literally millions more in war, the destruction of countries, and the spread of preventable disease. I'm Andrew Harrison, and this week, in a special miniseries from The Bunker, I ask experts and eyewitnesses how the consequences of the 9-11 attacks and the war on terror that followed still shape our world. from the rise of the security state to the tensions that still inflame the Middle East to the rise of an isolationist America first president who treats his allies with contempt.
11:40That's Terror Century, a three-part miniseries from the bunker, tracing the road from 9-11 to Donald Trump. Follow the bunker now on your favourite app. You won't want to miss it. And then Kissinger, this is where Kissinger gets involved. Kissinger and Vidalia enter the Peruvian dressing room just beforehand. So Kissinger, I mean, this is like, he's just been bombing Cambodia. He's shaking hands. He's shaking hands, pressing the flesh. Yeah, but Cambodia just needs to sign something away. Yeah, fuck off. It's fuck off. This is post-Watergate Kissinger. He's just, his footprints are over there.
12:11And is he kind of threatening them? That's the subtext, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. The subtext is that he's the puppet master. Good luck, lads. Yeah, exactly. Peruvian captain later recalled it felt like a silent threat disguised as a diplomatic greeting, leaving the players unsettled wondering whether the high-ranking officials weren't visiting the home team instead. There you go. Is that quite a good deal, though, for Peru what was it 50 million in assets and you get rid of those quite a lot of grain as well you probably won't win the tournament and you get rid of the distance this is pre-Nobby Solano it's like who's Nobby Solano come on Peruvian legend Newcastle winger it's like the only Peruvian guy him and Paddington Bear yeah that's that's all Peru have got you never heard Nobby Solano no Norberto Newcastle legend Norberto to give him his like Norberto Styles Norberto Solano name another Norbu yeah holder but this is this uh this deal is a bit like you know when uh britney griner that that uh women's nba player got arrested in the us for no sorry in russia she had a she had like a weed vape on her and she was detained it was like around the time the ukraine war and they were basically holding her hostage sure sure and they eventually got her released by exchanging her for a Russian arms dealer called the Merchant of Death.
13:27Yes, I remember this. The Merchant of Death. The Merchant of Death. He was like, we'll give you, you give us back our WNBA player and we'll give you the Merchant of Death or a woman's basketball player. Sort of. Yeah. What's more damaging to the world? Tomato, tomato, tomato. Abramovich gets him out. Yeah. He strikes that deal. So this is also the World Cup where the guy who had spent having many millions of pounds on the stadium so he had organised it gets blown up in a car bomb hours before the tournament starts. Now, was that a suicide? We don't know. We don't know. Cameras were on. I think he was killing himself.
14:07Much like Pickles the dog. We don't know. I think he just, yeah. If there's a car bomb going off every three hours then it was bound to happen. Yeah, that's true. That's the odd law of averages. To be fair, I do think car bomb as a suicide method is fucking hilarious. Yeah. It should be used more. Would you do it is a button or a timed one. Because if you time it 20 minutes, you just sit there. Yeah. Well, all that is, is just dad outside his house waiting in the car. But then the thing explodes. You can also pick who you want to traumatise. Yes. Drive-through. Six chicken selects and a Big Mac, please.
14:42Not quick enough. It's called fast food for a reason. Bang. I'd love that. That'd be absolutely brilliant.
14:54just traumatize some poor mcdonald's employee yeah next window please bang fuck it up um yeah so kissinger is the is the guest of honor at the tournament so i mean this absolutely stinks this this one this stinks like the cesspit maridon was found maridon was drowning and shit so is the tournament johan croif doesn't even travel because he'd been uh there's been a kidnapping attempt on his family is that right he says right the theory is his wife won't let him after the after he was fucking after the German four years earlier four year doghouse how is he not Cruyff turning out of the doghouse why isn't his wife like running out the pit draw on the shoulder she thinks you're in the Netherlands you Cruyff turn you don't like it he's on the plane and his wife's just stood there like where's your ankle breaker god this is where friend of the pod Joseph Mengele doctor doctor I apologise sorry can I just do this down the i apologize to mengele and his family the nazi war criminal doctors support health workers support this nation's doctors okay i'm i'm on the balcony bashing pots and pans for dr joseph first do no harm yeah there's a hypocritical that all doctors agree to yeah the original key worker dr joseph mengele is rumoured to have sat with the hunter during the final now our listeners are very very thick they will not might not know they're ugly as well they're very ugly and fat uh joseph mengle joseph mengle now if what was the um woman's basketball player called the angel so he's the angel of death okay right so uh i guess that'd be like a woman's ice hockey no but there's a difference the merchant of death you know that that's grubby that's financial the angel of death that's holy he was the guy in the concentration camps who was doing um nazi experiments yeah free yeah freestyling yeah yeah basement jazz yeah um so he's rumoured to have been guest of honour at the at the that's how dirty this is because he's the one that actually got away yeah he's the nazi the genuinely the one that got away he is the one that got away uh eichmann tragically uh illegally it was illegal illegal to extract eichmann back to jerusalem He did nothing illegal in Argentina.
17:16He was a very law-abiding. Upholding citizen. Yeah. Law-abiding citizen. So it is a disgrace. Yeah. And Israel needs to pay for that. Just a statute. Yes. Yeah. We need to, we'll deal with Israel now when we get to it, but there's a backlog of Israeli crimes. Yeah. We need a tribunal. We need the Eichmann trial trial, where we put judges on trial. Yes, but statute of limitations surely apply. Yeah, exactly. That was ages ago. 20 years ago. Can a man not change? what's happened to forgiveness in this age of cancel culture? Anyway, was he just like an upstanding citizen in Argentina? It was very boring.
17:51Eichmann had a family. You could set your watch by him because he'd turn up at the bus stop at the same time. Whose watch was it is the point that they're making. Yes. But yeah, he worked in a Mercedes factory and he didn't even want a promotion. You know? He's a humble guy. He just wanted to live his life for this family. And is that a crime? A straight man with a mortgage. Yeah. these days. Extradited by the Israelis. Oh, it's sickening. Absolutely sickening. Anyway, Josef Mengele is a hero who lives free in Argentina and is invited to watch the 78th final allegedly. Are they Nazis as well, the hunter?
18:27I think it's more... It's irrelevant. Yeah. It's more like you're a Nazi. It's like, all right, mate. Don't need to fucking like that. Argentina famously don't mind about Nazis. So they're just into him for his medical work. For them, they're small talking. He explains the entirety of the Holocaust. He goes, all right. Cool. So that's why you were banned from the 1950s? Yeah. All right, fine. It was a holocaust. Yeah. No, he was telling me he's holocausted. Yeah, he did the holocaust. Yeah, I studied history at uni.
18:57So what's all this stuff about the Netherlands ties with Israel made a referee unsuitable for the final? They've got an Israeli ref. Well, that is with Mengele in the crowd. That's a disgrace. Come on. Come on. Red rag to a ball. It's going to trigger him. Yeah, yeah. He's got a lot of trauma. And that Israeli ref is taking him right back to some of his darkest days. One of his best mates got extra by the Israeli government. In Argentina. In Argentina of all places. Yeah. Well, I guess male mental health wasn't a big thing. It's before male mental health. We should place 1978. It's before male mental health.
19:32I don't know. When is the key male mental health moment? Is it when Tyson Fury does a documentary about having being sad? What's the kind of the moment where male mental health... I think it's Alistair Campbell's rehabilitation from war criminal to podcast. Actually, it was mental health. Actually, I was depressed. Oh, fine. Okay, fine. No, there must be like a defining moment for men's mental health. Was it a show? Isn't it the Oasis reunion last summer, isn't it? Yeah, well, that's the end of it. I'm sorry. That was when it was cured. It's cured now, of course. Every man is fine. Anyway, so they protest that there's an Israeli ref.
20:07And so the FIFA, to be fair, it hears them and says, you're right let's put Natalian instead um Argentinian players walk off the pitch for seven minutes uh the crowd is is is chanting what's what's the thing with the so like literally next to the stadium there is the disappearing jail jail you can hear the crowd that sounds like an amazing event sorry it's not the disappearing jail the disappearing jail secret cinema with the magnificent Dr. Joseph Mengele. And his marvellous medicine. So yeah, just 700 metres away, the people are being tortured in the Navy School of Mechanics. So is that because the crowd drowns it out?
20:49It's quite a useful... Yeah, but maybe also the prisoners... Or is it just so much torturing you can't escape? And football stadiums are good for that sort of caper, aren't they? Yeah, that's that shit. And then prisoners are hearing the chanting and the guards are like, yeah, that's for our regime. Yeah. Right. Oh, okay. They're torturing, saying they're laughing at you. They're showing pictures of your tiny knob and everyone's going, yeah, that's small. So people are being tortured while, and the photo, can you get the photo, Charlie, of the ticker tape at the end of the 78th when Argentina win the final?
21:21It's like you can hardly see what's going on, the amount of white and blue ticker tape that comes out. It's glorious. Oh, right. I didn't know where you were going. It's pretty amazing. It's a bit you money. Torturing. It's pretty amazing. Oh, yeah, that's great. so Netherlands gets to the final again we've slagged Argentina off a lot but to be fair the ticker tape we've got to be fair astonishing use of ticker tape I think that's not probably not cricket none of our business none of our business the ticker tape we're a big fan of so fair play so again this is so this is Holland without Cruyff in their kind of the end of the so they made back to back finals yeah yeah and they lose both times and then they win it went to Van Bommels later that's way later that's 2010 yeah But the Dutch are not playing total football in 2010.
22:07It's awful. Dirk Kaut is playing. Yeah, it's a real idea. Is Dirk Kaut the ugliest man? Discuss. Wait, hold on. Let's get Dirk Kaut up. I mean, even the name. He's got lovely blonde hair. He... No, no. If we're doing ugly footballers, he's not scratching the side. He looks a little bit like he... Oof. Let's have a look at images. Come on. No. Come on. He looks a little bit like something out of Lord of the Rings. Come on. Nothing close to Jolene Lescott, Frank Ribéry. Not Dutch. Are you saying the ugliest Dutch football? Did you say Dutch football? I said the ugliest man. Frank Ribéry. Yeah, but these men are scarred.
22:41Oh, is that a... Come on. Yeah, I think the scar does a lot for him. I think he's... No, because Frank Ribéry's going like this. No, I got scarred. It's like, take the scar away. Yeah, same result. Yeah, same result. I actually think Bobby Charlton's got to be up there with that. Can I get Bobby Charlton up? Hold up. He's got a heroic 22-year-old hairline. Look at this. What are you talking about? He's pretty knobbly. Yeah. I mean, just that comb-over. As a 29-year-old with a comb-over, we have lost that as a society. This is pre-going to Turkey. That's not a woke hairline, that. That man has got right-wing views.
23:23Anyway, so Argentina win the 78 World Cup, which absolutely stinks. And this sort of starts, well, continues a tradition of complete Latin American shithousery. So let's get to Maradona. Born in what, on an onion farm or something? Cesspit, wasn't it? Born in a cesspit. Lived his life in a cesspit. Born in a shantytown in Buenos Aires. And you guys have done Maradona, right? Big time. Yeah, done a few. Yeah. I mean, there's the coke, obviously. Yeah. So I suppose we'll get to 82, but when did you go to Napoli and start really hammering? 80 i think he went to 84 okay so it was a bit before that he got into coke he gets into it in barcelona yeah he was playing at barcelona and like wasn't i think he got got a bad injury or something there and got really into gear right like apparently there was a journalist that went around to his house when he was out injured and went in it was just like 11 a.m on 11 a.m on a tuesday it's just like scarface just like they're they're they're at a ping pong table with just like mounds of cocaine and i guess it's having a great time if we talk about the cultural differences I guess especially from your sort of Calvinist upbringing this is something you won't be able to relate to Maradona had a close relationship with his immediate family.
24:37Disgraceful. Yeah. He spent a minimum of $15 ,000 a month calling his parents and siblings. Calling? Calling? What, a bar and a mobile? How are you racking up that kind of money calling your parents? I don't know if you can relate to calling your so basically you calling your sister I'm saving$15 ,000 a month on not speaking to my family. So you calling your sister nine hours a day racking up the bills mental waste of time what were they even chatting about at that point surely he's on a lot of gear at this point as well I guess that's why he's got a lot to chat about business like this so he's like he's from a 12 from a 12 year old he's like he's unbelievable Maradona he is probably the most naturally talented player ever to be he's my goat do you think yeah he's the most fun he's got a football character as well Because I guess the big comparison obviously is Messi, but Messi was mad enough without the gear, I guess.
25:33Well, he was sort of doing it without... He had the hormone injections. Yeah. It's not quite as fun. Yeah, I guess because Messi wasn't banging... Maradona did this all on shit pitches while banging coke and brasses. Yeah. And also had the build of a darts player. That's what's funny about it. It's John Belushi cartwheeling in the Blues Brothers. Yeah. He scored the greatest goal of all time, all time, while having a BMI of 40. Yeah. Yes, yes. But I mean, one of the great documentaries is the film about Maradona by the guy that did the Amy Winehouse. I always forget the director's name. And he showed this footage of this cycle he got into at Napoli where he'd be training for three days.
26:13He'd win a game single-handedly and then go out on a sort of coke and booze mafia field, four-day bender, not sleep. Then basically the next day on a Thursday, treadmill, oxygen mask, three days. clean film sometimes yeah bin bags start the whole cycle again that's basically how charlie this podcast he's in a bin bag now as if kapadi that's his name anyway that's a great dog there's another story the the book the doc is based on has a story that maradona did coke in the pope's bathroom wow in the vatican yeah wow he went on he was meeting the pope and he went on all night bender the night before and his agent was like, come on, mate, rein it in.
26:57But he stayed out. And according to his agent, he demanded to go into the Pope's bog and just put one away. Amazing. Doing lines in the... That's the most... Racking it up on the marble. It's the most Catholic thing I've ever heard. Doing cocaine in the Pope's bathroom. But you would... Because for that trip, I think he got invited and his family's all Catholic. It's quite a big honor. So all his mum and dad and he's been on the phone for them constantly. They know about it. So they come over and they're at the hotel and you see, you've seen the Pope tomorrow it's probably it's an early night probably but it's not his bag in 1985 the Pope invited Diego Maradona to the Vatican to promote an anti-drug campaign I mean that's absolutely hilarious I didn't know it was an anti-drug campaign as well is it more like look at the state of this yeah oh you want to drug scare well he's not a great face for anti-drugs because it's more like if I do loads of coke will I be Maradona that's brilliant I want it all he's up the face of cocaine yeah so now his first world cup is 1982 which is in spain which has just transitioned from franco from franco to democracy um so the main the main crisis that the tournament is defined by britain southern border britain southern border has been breached the argentines as if it wasn't enough yeah with their hosting a final of the RGs yeah it is overshadowed by the British Hiroshima and the British Nagasaki yeah the invasion of the Falklands Islands in April 1982 a century defining war crime yes biggest injustice to an century we live in the shadow of the Falklands Islands to this day as we've said the British government have to consider if they would participate in a supporting event alongside the aggressor I mean yeah it's a tough question there were calls for a boycott yeah as there would be but then thatcher goes well hang on that's not if we boycott then you're basically giving it yeah they've won haven't they um so thatcher says well it'd be good for morale so they send look at her there resplendent that's sports washing that's keegan on the left yeah great try brian may um so uh now in 82 uh maradona gets kicked to shit is 82 where there's a photo of him going through the Belgian team.
29:15There's an iconic photo of that 86. Weaving. Yeah. Well, there's a photo of all the Belgian defenders and he's like... Yeah. He gets kicked a lot. Yes. 23 fouls committed against him in one game. And so what had happened in the Falklands is that Maradona thinks he's playing for the boys. Yeah. And the Hunter in Argentina have put out like a news blackout. So everyone thinks it's going very well. Yeah. It's only when the team get to Spain that they read Spanish newspapers and they go, oh, right, Port Stanley has fallen. So he's 21. He's fully grown, 5 '5", and he makes his debut distracted by the true nature of the Falklands disaster.
30:02From his perspective, they lose 1-0 to Belgium. The next day, June 14th, Port Stanley falls and Argentinians surrender. Rejoice. Rejoice, rejoice. the world is safe the world is safe is it during the tournament that it's all you know the sun front page the gotcha when they sink the Belgrano is that during the World Cup allegedly allegedly there's no CCTV for that 15 minutes the cameras were turned off for that 15 minutes Belgrano had a hole in it gotcha gotcha up your junta yeah but I suppose this is all leading into the jingo it's a World Cup summer I mean the tabloids are never more rabid than if it's the World Cup so if there's a war on as well yeah it's the sun out there absolutely yeah it's peak sun so yeah Maradona now is this the World Cup where we get to the second group stage there's two group stages there are some weird ones out there we have a shit World Cup don't we well you say that but we have just recovered the Falklands so I think that needs to be put into the context of this shit World Cup we saved the world no one gave us any credit three world wars one world cup thank you Jack three world wars one world cup we stood alone again we stand alone the world expects us to be the global policeman for them it's not tenable we're stretched you know we've sorted out germany we've sorted out korea and now you're asked to sort out the fork i mean guys what is the un for if it's not to sort out the falklands so yeah as i said maradona gets kicked to shit and uh by a guy called claudio gentile who's is he um i don't know he's belgian or something when told he was playing too aggressively gentile They said, football is not for ballerinas.
31:38Not so gentile after all. Lovely stuff. Are ballerinas doing coke in a Pope's bathroom? That's my... Magriona gets sent off in a game against Brazil in their final match for violently kicking Brazilian midfielder Batista in the groin, which you can see a photo of there. Yeah, that's not cricket. It was retaliation. It's not Dave Bautista. Oh, right, Bautista the wrestler. Not him. But as you say, in the 80s, he then moved to napoli in what 82 wait who won that world cup then is it germany or is it it's it's it's it's it's it's it's no do we go out the group stage there's a second group stage that we go out brian robson starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times your to-do list may feel endless with new tasks and lists can easily begin to overrun your life so finding the right tool that not only helps you out but simplifies everything as a built-in business partner can be a game changer.
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33:12And if people haven't heard about your brand, you can get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. With easy-to-run email and social media campaigns to reach customers wherever they're scrolling or strolling. Start your business today with the industry's best business partner, Shopify. And start hearing... Sign up for your$1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash realm. Go to shopify.com slash realm. That's shopify.com slash realm. It's time for race rankings. We've ranked Pakistanis high recently, but let me tell you about Kharulian Indians. Oh, they're performing well at the moment.
33:52Listen, they are hot, sexy Indians. They are some hot property. And they are top of my list of my favourite races of people right now. Wow. I mean, this is big news. I mean, you're finding out here that this is the Screen Rock Podcast. This is a regular feature we do. We do a bit of race rankings. It's kind of like woke racism whilst talking about social media, really. That's our vibe. Exactly. We pretend that we want to talk about social media. Really, we want to talk about whether we prefer people from Pakistan or Brazil. And right now, Pakistan are winning, baby. So listen to the Screen Rock Podcast, if that's the kind of thing.
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34:22We'll see you there. Do you struggle to keep up with the news every week? The Bunker has got you covered. Every Monday, we release Start Your Week, where we go over the big stories to follow in the coming days. And then on Fridays, we have our weekly wrap-up, where we give you the context and the meaning behind the biggest and the weirdest stories of recent days. Search for The Bunker wherever you get your podcasts, and subscribe so you never miss an episode. Plays. Did we lose to Spain or draw against them? Anyway, we have a terrific kit at 82. that's the Admiral one that now has been resold and the most boring cunts in the world buy so it's ruined the kit so let's talk about Maradona in the 80s in Napoli you guys have done extensive research on Maradona so I mentioned the cocaine use but he dodged it with a fake penis because obviously you've got to take drug tests in the 80s so he had a thing, apparently quite a big prosthetic slum if you're going to get a prosthetic cock to dodge drugs test you're going to make it make it a biggie yeah no one asks for it's got to be realistic yeah yeah you can't be pulling out a massive fake shlong I mean maybe well I don't know it's more like in snooker when you get the big one that's what I'd want it's just like a big rest a big cocktail and it's not cheating to do that in snooker it's just sometimes you can't reach across the table it's just like it's a step up you need one of those to put your cocktail when you're going for a piss he fills it with like baby urine or something yeah where's he getting that from home right he sort of takes his son's piss to do drug tests it's sort of Brian Johnson comparing his comparing erections Brian Johnson compares erections with his son yeah there's a link with him and Maradona I guess but they live quite they have quite different philosophies they have different lives have you seen Brian Johnson's latest that he's measuring his girlfriend's vaginal pH well thank god someone is the new KPI is he getting one of those pieces of paper sticking it in and it's turning purple dip test yeah yeah checking the oil yeah you've got to you've got to change the oil She's top 1 % Sorry?
36:23Top 1 % of vaginas Imagine if she wasn't For acidity Do you want acidity or alkaline? I guess you want the neutral You want to be 6 on the scale No, that's water You want slight acidity, I think Whatever, she's got the best one You want it to be somewhere between 3.8 and 4.5 Yes, you want it to be quite Is that a vagina or water? Is that alkaline or is that acidity? That is highly acidic Which naturally prevents the overgrowth of a harmful bacteria Right There's a vinegariness to it. Yeah. It's a white wine vinegar. Sharpness. Yes. You don't want a raw apple cider vinegar with bits of it. No, no, no.
36:58But you want a very sharpness. You don't want basitry acid. You don't want a compooch your mother down there. All right? You want... Sarsap, sarsap, sarsap. Yeah. A bit of balsamic to just sort of drizzle over a bottle of ice. In the days leading up to your period, your vaginal environment slightly becomes more alkaline. Your vaginal environment? Your vaginal environment. Is that my house? Your ecosystem. My vaginal environment becomes more alkaline. Yeah. Interesting. Anyway, so he fills it with... More yogurty. Thank you. He fills it with baby urine and then just does the tests. And they just think that's him.
37:31Mike Tyson did it as well, didn't he? Yeah. It's a classic. It's called the Wizzinator. This device is big in the ATO. So it must be the precursor to the She-Wee. Yeah. Yeah, I think they've been repurposed. So now they're stopping... How do they get around that now? I think now you have... Maybe you have to do it in front of them or... So hang on, Billy. Well, maybe someone has to have a little tug on it just to make sure. like checking for wigs or anything. Yeah, quick search. But if he's using a fake penis, he must be doing it in the same room as the person running the text. Yeah, yeah. Because he does it after the...
37:57Oh, we're jumping ahead. Oh, he wears a fake penis all day. Yeah, maybe that's it. Anyway, it ends up in a museum and then someone breaks in and nicks it and it's never been found. Well, Pickles is dead. Yeah. Of course. I smell a rat. I smell a rat. So, yeah. So in Napoli, he goes mental. He gets in with the mafia. He's doing coke. He becomes a kind of hero. He's still. He's basically God. I think it's the most romantic player club combo. Yes. Because obviously they win the league under him, which they hadn't done. Yeah. I don't think they'd ever won it. And the UEFA Cup, I think he leads them to as well.
38:32The Wizinator, the original synthetic urine product. The original. Yeah, you can still get them. You're going bigger than that. Discreet. Not that discreet. Let's get a bit more. Just touch and go. so but is this a company that sells this for to fake a drug test yeah but I'm not who's falling for that no other prosthetic synthetic urine device or fake dildo matches the wizardnator or fake dildo right it's a multi-purpose it's a Swiss army knife of a gadget okay shout out to our partner black brown latino tan or white lovely let's have a look at oh latino what's latino that's maradona that's not that's not supporting anyone if I pulled that out I think Maradona could Latino let's see how white white goes because it's yeah even the whitest to be fair they've nailed it they've nailed it they know what they're doing so that's an extraordinary company that's our partner for this episode the Wizenator Touch what's the RRP on one of them?
39:36$129 $129 it's steep if that gets you to keep your job up of course it's cheap nationally yeah shout out Wizardinator they do fleshlights as well of course they do they do a whole range of stuff so is this website is it a sex thing or a drug test thing no I don't think it's drugs and shagging just chuck in a fleshlight because Baradonna was doing a lot of shagging then as well he wasn't fleshlighting and apparently according to one mistress in Napoli his thing was he liked to suck their big toe yeah makes sense he's a wrong man he's an absolute wrong it's unusual yeah for a footballer maybe that's his I reckon I reckon Chris Sutton and Gareth Southgate are fleshlighting before games yep no shagging's allowed but you can fleshlight you can fleshlight yeah with your socks on full kit shin pads as quickly as possible it's about my own relationship with my own fleshlight one of my favourite videos is Gareth Southgate when they talk about they're interviewing all the Villa team about the drinks yeah and they're all like oh yeah I have 10 pints of the week I like a rum and coke and he gets to Southgate and he goes well I'll mainly drink water but on the weekend I'll have a couple of parts I love water and stuff like that stuff like that like water Hugo Ehehog's doing Guinness 10 Guinnesses away there has how you approach foreplay changed with marriage or does it how I approach foreplay does it tactically tactically is it more kind of no nonsense or is it more I suppose I have got more Sam Allardyce yeah I think whereas it used to be more total football 17 I was a Dutchman I was a Dutchman in the bedroom yeah of course Switching positions.
41:12Sombrero flick. Overload on the right wing. You've got another guy. Where's he come from? That's a hired help. Substitutions. But no, now it's pretty much... It's meat and potatoes. It's gone back to the 30s, really. The ideal goal will be, from a goal kick, two touches. The perfect game. Touch, bang. The perfect game ends 0-0. Neither of us are coming. Neither of us are coming. No one comes. We're going to go. we go to sleep it's possession based hold on to it hold on to the orgasm don't let them have her don't let them have her they can't have one if you have one they can't have one come as early as possible and then they can't have one and then you win you shut up shop get into the corner flag but that means shove your dick in a shove your dick in a toe or something no no run the clock down wind it down Magdala becomes great friends with Fidel Castro in 1986 they're similar fellas though I think they have a similar they are is that a photo of him with bleached hair Christ didn't know he had he's got a massive tattoo of Che Guevara this is quite a big coke face the bleached hair yeah it's quite large though so Maradona is a but he's got a godlike um he's got can you get off the screen Fiddle Astro it's not good it's not does it not work it does not work get off the screen Fiddle Astro Fidel Astro It does not work Fidel Astro Fidel Astro But also we didn't say he was having anal So it doesn't link It doesn't make sense Charlie put on the screen Did Fidel Castro like anal?
42:51Yeah Because he wanted us to set him up for a pun That was Fidel Astro Yeah there was no tidbit or fact That Fidel liked anal He's pissing himself out there Absolute idiot It does not work It does not work Fidel Castrate baby Not even I like that It's not related to anything Nothing we were talking about. Anyway. Well, I came in this story about five seconds. Let's get, let's get to 86. Now in 86, Colombia were meant to host the World Cup, but their economy went through the floor because of the, like the FARC drug wars. FARC? FARC in hell, mate. What's going on here? FARC? What the FARC in hell, mate?
43:26What do they call FARC? We've got no FARC in money. What's the FARC? It's called FARC, isn't it? FARC? FARC? The country is FARC. this man oh fuck I'm gonna bust fucking hell we can't we've got no fucking stadiums fuck with a C Colombia what is it what is it it's the guerrilla it's the guerrilla army and stuff anyway fucking hell they it's the first it's the first time that a company first time a country's won the world cup and then resigned from hosting it because they just couldn't do it so Mexico take it again and I quite rate that though oh please can I have it please can I have it do you want it no I can't do it mate it's too fucking is it another iconic not today it is another icon one of the first iconic not today's was the Egyptians in 1930 missed the boat not today not this month no not this month not this World Cup and then again yep Colombia can't handle it so can you put it on I can't be bothered yeah can you do it do we have to do it I'm so hot um now mexico had a massive earthquake just before mexico 5 000 people died uh and then the mexican government basically used the world cup to mask their own faces every world cup pretty disaster relief yeah so um the key uh political tension is in the quarterfinal between england and argentina this is uh like dad law yes my dad still goes on about it my dad calls maridona fucking cheating bastard yeah my dad and my uncle they would still talk about this in the same conversation about like the war yeah did they talk about this as if it they thought them watching this was like them fighting on a dvd bitch i know you don't get it you didn't see it i could see on live he touched it live so um the argentina this is retribution for the forklifts right uh whereas for england it's just you know i'm sure it's retribution for us yeah i mean you fucking invaded.
45:35Maradona said in his autobiography, it was like beating a country, not a football team. Although we had said before the game, football had nothing to do with the Maldinas war. We knew they'd kill a lot of Argentine boys there, killed them like little birds. And this was revenge. You started it. Get off our southern border. Okay. So, uh, now there were, there were tensions from the off, right? Within the crowd. People are like, I mean, we're going for it. Yeah. Yeah. this is what the world cup's all about though isn't it yeah fighting a war on a football pit well that's what jules jules rume who founded it it fought in the first world war and he was trying to make a site for the war it's like an outlet yeah no it's another theater of war yeah let's open up a new front yeah you completely misunderstood it jules yeah it's about reinforcing existing wars yes exactly yeah i think um carlos tevez's dad or uncle was it was was at was fought in the Falklands and as a result Tevez refused to ever learn English when he was at Man United.
46:36He lived in England for like nine years. Tevez is kind of quite a fascinating player right because he seemed to hate football. We're talking ugly players. He's pretty hideous. He loved going to Disneyland. Yeah he's a simpleton. Yeah but he just like would he just hated football. He never seemed even though he's an unbelievable player he just hated playing. He loves Peaky Blinders that's the one time he'll speak English is to say by order of the Peaky Blinders. So there are these two iconic moments in the same game. The first is that someone kicks the ball in the air. Steve Hodge. And then Maradona fucking punches it into the goal.
47:15And Maradona is 5 '5 and Peter Shilton in goal is over 6 '0 and he gets out jumped. I mean you can see the photo of it now. It's clear as day. Yet another war crime to add to the list. First they invade Port Stanley then they punch the ball into the net. Who's the referee? Who's the referee? What nation is the referee? Let's have a look at that. Come on. Who is officiating the 86 game? Straight up, our dad's watching that game isn't it? Where's the ref from? Ali Bin Nasser from Tunisia. Tunisia. The Tunisian ref. I really like it. Bin Laden is refereeing. Where is it Charlie? My mate lives next to the Bin Ladins in Dorset apparently.
47:54A lot of the Bin Ladins live in Dorset. Yeah. Are you sure it's all the Vin Ladens? Yes. No, it's the Vin Ladens. The Vin Ladens live in Dorset. My mate Charlie is neighbours with the Vin Ladens in Dorset. What do they do in Dorset? They're pretty nice, yeah. One of them's like a sort of like Insta influencer hottie, isn't she? Yeah, and one of them's a painter, like an artist. They're like an aristocratic family. I know they're a rich Saudi family, yeah. But they just like to go to the beach. Yeah, and he was like one of 12. If one of them's like a terrorist, you shouldn't be judged for what your siblings do.
48:24No. Are you allowed to live in Dorset as a building? I feel like we're just rehabilitating Bin Laden out of nowhere. People listen to the story of the World Cup and go, well, let's just rehabilitate. Yeah, but he's just a bad egg. He is. Well, one out of 12, I guess. You buy 12 eggs, one of them will be smashed. Anyway, so Maradona punches the ball into the net. The Tunisian ref, I was going to say, I really like it. There's a particular type of dad who can't mention a ref without the nationality. Nationality, yeah. It's my dad's first question. Yeah. Where's the ref from? Oh, there you go. Will this game's void?
48:55Yeah, it's Tunisian. Yeah. You know what I like. The Tunisian ref. You know what I like. You remember that big stereotype. Yeah, what are the Tunisians like, dad? What do they do? Minutes later, he scores what is undeniably the goal of the century, which we should get on, because it is pretty glorious, where he runs 60 yards, basically from his own half, beats everyone. And let's get some Argentinian commentary up.
49:28Sorry, excuse me. Oh, that's cheating. It feels like, it feels like it's like the British defense is incredibly polite. Yeah. It's sort of like the organ. Sorry, can I squeeze past? Can I just stop you right there? No, no, no. Excuse me. Come back, please. Come back. No, I'm not finished talking to you. Sorry, are you allowed on this floor? Now, could we just replay the commentary and instead play footage of the Brits taking Port Stanley, please? Just for the listeners at home, I'd like to see Britain entering Port Stanley in June 82. Flag raise. Flag raise. Just play that, Charlie. Just play that and then put the sound of the Argentinian commentary on.
50:16Lovely stuff. Glorious to watch. oh and another one he's got past another one oh look at that
50:27brilliant absolutely brilliant as they tend to the wounded they tend to the wounded yeah oh helicopter it's a bit of a fun one England Argentina is a bit of a fun one because it's random yeah unexpected which is just like it's a bit of a like and the football keeps happening as well 98 yeah it's fun just like I guess we hate the Argentinians yeah Who'd have thanked it? Having a random rivalry. Yeah, it's nice. Did you want Argentina to win the World Cup with Messi? Yeah, I did. So how much does your hatred for Argentina weigh up against you? I didn't. Did you not because of this? Because I can't forgive.
51:02I like that, so that's for real. I like that. I respect that. No, you had to, Messi's transcendent. Jack watched that final with his back turn like this. Paul Golding. He's watching EastEnders. Yeah, but what, let the French win? That was a complicated one because he also got the Hundred Years War, which I haven't really I haven't fully got over that it goes deep with the French and the Argentinians supporting Qatar that tournament yeah exactly football won that tournament no yeah I but that was one of the great footballing finals but also what I liked about that final is that so this era and Maradona's the same as Pele is this was where a player would could win the World Cup almost on their own or at least a narrative of like you've ascended to the football gods because you won the World Cup Maradona's World Cup Maradona's World Cup Pele's World Cup Mussolini's World Cup Mussolini's World Cup you must send it to the pantheon of the greats and you think Messi definitely but by the time Messi won it that story was gone because you couldn't do that anymore because it was more about the Champions League whereas Messi winning the World Cup felt like when I was watching footage from the 1970 World Cup and it felt like a sort of a true sporting narrative it also felt like the closest to like true history watching it live it felt so historic because Salt Bay was there exactly the trophy literally this moment it's so emotional greatest game ever within 10 seconds he's just salting the trophy just salting it and then the guy and you're brought back to earth and you realise god everything is crap and then was it that women's world cup where the head of the FA started kissing the players yeah right after that she was giving him the eyes yeah what were they wearing what were they wearing football kit you can't be doing that red back to a ball come on now and his mother this is Luisa Rabales his mother went on the lowest stake hunger strike of all time time the shortest hunger strike in the church she went to church so she was hunger strike for maybe 10 hours not even sure she missed a meal actually that's just intimate and fast food hunger strike between breakfast and lunch it's very healthy and by one p.m.
52:59she went I can't do this anymore I can't do this please so yeah now Argentina go on to win the world cup in 86 a disgrace but again Maradona is a new trophy when's the new trophy coming is it for 86 when now 1970 I think that's the so there's been a new trophy since then the pick of him holding the trophy yeah it's great it's a and then Maradona's story to finish that off because he when does he retire from football he gets it all goes wrong in Naples he sort of loses protection from the authorities and he fails a drug test he fails a drug test flees to Argentina where he's then bust he gets banned from football for 15 months does he fail a drug test during a game I think it's after a game I think the Wizard Celebration the Wizard of Oz in the next year in 1990 or 94 in 94 he gets led off by a nurse in the celebration he's like he's burning because they drug test him after the Hand of God game as well and apparently he admits it to whoever's the England player called for the test he says yeah wasn't it wasn't the England player Steve Hodge who then got his got his shirt yeah they they so Steve Hodge like yeah they got called him for the drug testing maradona's obviously like smug as fuck he's just handballed it in and he asks him for his his shirt and he's like i'll just keep this goes back to the england dressing room obviously everyone is like fucked off that he's he's got married he got the fucking little cheating weasels shirt and a few years ago he sold it for what was it seven seven million nine mil does he is he doing it because he loves cocaine or is he doing it to be better he starts like that i think it's i think it's loving he's loving yeah it doesn't help it's not for the game I mean, you're not doing cocaine because you love football.
54:45No, I just love cocaine. You love cocaine, yeah. I think that's the thing with cocaine. There's no ulterior motive. Is it performance enhancing as a producer doing the concoction of drugs you do on the weekend? I think it's hurting my performance. Yeah, I'd say it is. Get the big bag on. Yeah, I think so. But yeah, he then goes to Argentina and they bust him with like 500 grams of coke. Yeah, it's a ridiculous amount. And he gets a bag of flour. Yeah, he gets a slap on the wrist, obviously. Right, of course. Now, when he goes back to... Now, Italian 90, this is where Maradona falls foul of the Napoli crowd because he basically splits Italy in two.
55:24He basically makes it like a north-south thing by saying to the Napoli lot, the north hate you. He says Naples isn't Italy. Yeah. And so they support him because he's just won them the league. Yeah, he's God. Yeah, he is God. So that means that when there's a game in Naples or in the south against Italy, a lot of the Italian fans are supporting Argentina. Wow. As a semi-final. They're like Scousers, aren't they? They are. Naples are the Scousers, obviously. Yeah. And they do a poll of most hate, worst villain of the 20th century in northern Italy and he wins it by miles. Wow. Yeah, Hitler's like distant fifth.
55:57Well, it's northern Italy. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, Italian 90 is kind of England's great rehabilitation because the 80s have been dogged by hooliganism, which we're going to be talking about on the Patreon. did a lot of stadium disasters some funnier than others this is the more romantic this is the more romantic Pavarotti this is the best World Cup isn't it one of them I think it's considered the most fun right because you've got the Maradona story Cameroon England do well yeah Cameroon Roger Miller's there Roger Miller what a player yeah what a player but this is when African teams like they throw off the shackle to the Zaire thing and then Cameroon actually perform well yeah it's the beginning of Germany ruin it by winning on penalties though yeah yeah is it the least corrupt one so far no because the mafia get all the government contracts and build all the stadiums uh and yeah it's a complete racketeering job so they put the money that fifa gives to italy basically goes all into the italian underground economy like the italian economy the italian sorry the italian economy yeah you're right in a way i like that though i think it's it's a bit more sort of it's italian it's very high compared to like compared to like the corruption today which is just just like state-sponsored stuff just you know hard-working yeah don corleone type corruption as opposed to corruption yeah i guess there's more it's more romantic in italy because if you're not corrupt in italy why are you going to we all like the godfather yeah you know we all like a holiday once in a while yeah go to italy i don't think you could do the godfather with gian infantino this doesn't really work as well today on I am gay you come to me on the day of my gay my gay daughter's wedding my disabled daughter's wedding my migrant workers daughter's wedding Don Gianni so it's known for like the gas is tears obviously and Lineker does a big sloppy poo on the pitch which is what he was going to name his production company he called it Goal Hanger yeah he's gonna be called big sloppy what I'm most known for sorry shit on the pitch or being a goal hanger yeah tough yeah anyway anyway that's when Maradona loses his protection from the Italian authorities because they're so angry at him for dividing Italy they're like right fuck this guy rip the wizardnator off let's have a proper test so by the end of the 80s 1990 Italian 90s like football is undeniably big business now England fans are rehabilitated television means the whole thing's watched globally uh the tournament's value no longer lies in the prestige but in its commercial right geopolitical influence uh and it's about to enter its most lucrative age yeah the 90s and probably the most nakedly corrupt yeah that's what i'd say the journey is is that or is there just more cameras now well yeah i'd say i mean imagine this 4k cameras but it's mussolini's world cup that's what i mean yeah there was like instead of like there's four photos of the entire 1928 world cup yeah like that's why it's not naked yeah imagine the shit they're getting away with i mean there was that one game when the referee was playing basically up front for the other team the referee intercepted a pass yeah just basically just yeah um so we're going to carry on the story uh in our final part we're on the patreon the upshot boys are going to stick around for our exclusive episode on hooliganism uh or rather they already have because now it's monday and they did that last week we don't know what's happened we can only apologize incredible um join the patreon and also watch the upshot check it out great podcast what are some great episodes you've done what are your most popular lottery one lottery winner that's a patreon one the lot that's an absolute favorite i came on to talk about kevin peterson really enjoyed it who he did now you're telling me that he listened to that episode yeah apparently kevin peterson listened to the episode yeah and he's not no he's quite thin-skinned as old KP.
59:51Not known as a laugh KP. But no, I haven't been switch hit out of the studio yet. Is it KP that didn't say his views on the episode? No, I bumped into this guy who is mates with Kevin Pearson and said that he'd watched it. I think he said he enjoyed it. England's arsehole genius. And then we just did a Roman Abramovich one that's gone down very well because his story is mental in Russia. How he came up. Murder every three days. What did you talk about, Charlie, when you went on? Robin Friday. Yeah, the LSD footballer sort of hippie guy I'd say my favourites are snooker yes gold major snooker and darts 80s we should get you back on to do gold major snooker I love snooker unbelievable I love snooker and then obviously we're doing a lot of world cup stuff yeah we're going to be doing a lot of that are you going out you're going out I've cancelled that because of the prices yeah just you know taking a stand against the politics no no we just we realised that we could just stay at home and eat a hot dog and then just set fire to$150 and have a similar experience We do an episode every week that's all the funniest stories this week.
1:00:51So there's a lot of gossip coming through about players. Yeah, I mean, you guys are, you're kind of bringing gossip back to straight men. Gossip and scandal and then life stories. It's straight man gossip. Yes, it's like you are carrying on the tabloid era. Because the tabloid, the golden age of the tabloid is dead. It's no longer the two halves. I mean, these guys are upskirting every night. Yeah, we're scummy hacks. We're doing your things. Gotcha. Yeah, you're doing upskirt. Yeah. When the freedom pletilla was captured by the Israelis. Gotcha. Stick out, me a junta. That's what these guys do.
1:01:18brilliant a brilliant pod check out the upshot anything to plug just just the pod coming to the spotify apple youtube at upshot yeah just wherever you find the upshot podcast whatever you get your podcasts um and if you're on the patreon um remember we are doing a live alternative commentary grudge match game of the century the big one the rumble in the jungle switzerland versus bosnia that will get spicy it will get spicy we'll make sure it gets spicy because they've got a lot of Albanians yeah you get real sort of sectarian terror it's white on white violence and it's live from the 18th of June on the Patreon we'll be doing that live that will go out as the that week's Patreon episode we'll carry on the World Cup story next time for now thank you boys to the Upshot thanks for coming on we'll see you next time bye bye
1:02:13Thank you.
From the publisher
Welcome to the weird world of drug testing.
The World Cup (Part Three)
The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.
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Chapters:
00:00 - Time Wasting
04:30 - Keep Your Head Above The Shit
08:33 - The Merchant Of Death
13:21 - Can A Man Not Change?
15:59 - Male Mental Health
21:21 - Pope’s Bathroom
25:50 - Port Stanley
32:36 - Wind It Down
37:18 - Farcing Hell Mate
42:19 - Bad Egg
46:17 - Red Rag To A Bull
53:02 - And It’s Live
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