Going Back In Time To Smush Hitler’s Cheeks | The Battle of Little Big Horn (Part 4/4

16 Apr 2026 · 46 min · 22 chapters

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In short

Part 4 of a “Custer series” covering the aftermath of the Battle of Little Bighorn (Custer’s death), the U.S. push to force Sioux/Lakota onto reservations, the Ghost Dance and its suppression, and the Wounded Knee Massacre (Dec 29, 1890), ending with how later U.S. policy and even Hitler referenced U.S. treatment of Native Americans.

Guest backgrounds

No formal guests are introduced. The hosts include “Charlie” and “Phoebe” (and “Finn vs. History” is the show). They discuss research they’ve done (e.g., “Google Native American swear words”) and provide commentary.

Key claims

Custer’s death shattered U.S. public confidence; Libby Custer became a paid “professional widow” who mythologized Custer. U.S. policy included “sell or starve” (1877), boarding schools with forced white names and English, and the Dawes Act (1887) plus blood quantum. Ghost Dance white shirts were said to stop bullets but didn’t. Wounded Knee is framed as a massacre, not a battle, with Hotchkiss machine guns killing about 300 women and children.

Notable examples

Grant’s “sacrifice of troops” framing; Crazy Horse killed after resisting custody; Sitting Bull’s death (Dec 1890) and later Ghost Dance; the Hotchkiss gun circle; Hitler’s later praise of U.S. actions as a Lebensraum model; Sioux Supreme Court settlement (Fort Laramie Treaty) refused; Native survivors joining Buffalo Bill’s Wild West show.

Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.

Chapters

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Custer's Aftermath

0:30 to 1:09

Explore the immediate reactions and societal impacts following Custer's death.

“With Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar, and vitamins, Propel hydrates better than water.”

Custer's Aftermath

1:14 to 1:40

Explore the immediate reactions and societal impacts following Custer's death.

Custer's Aftermath

2:00 to 4:00

Explore the immediate reactions and societal impacts following Custer's death.

“Don't get too excited for our World War II Pacific series.”

Mythologizing Custer

4:00 to 6:00

Discuss how Custer's widow Libby transformed his legacy into an American myth.

“People say Custer was arrogant and reckless.”

Custer's Legacy and Debt

6:00 to 8:00

How Custer's financial troubles affected his legacy and Libby's actions posthumously.

“And so you're on your deathbed, you have a patron basically wanks you off to your grave and then takes all your archive around with him, you know, for the next 20 years.”

The Recovery of the 7th Cavalry

8:00 to 10:00

Investigate the rebuilding of the 7th Cavalry and their future missions after the battle.

“When he rolls his sleeves up and he goes into Kosovo.”

Native American Struggles Post-Battle

10:00 to 12:00

Understand the challenges faced by Native Americans following Little Bighorn.

“Custer is in debt when he dies, so Libby just becomes a professional widow and essentially mythologizes him.”

U.S. Government Policies

12:00 to 14:00

Examine the U.S. government's approach to Native Americans after the battle.

“I wouldn't be surprised if you lived to 106.”

Political Context and Native Displacement

14:00 to 14:28

Discussion on the political implications of historical events and their impact on Native Americans.

The Impact of Assimilation Policies

14:28 to 17:26

Exploration of the U.S. government's policies towards Native American children post-Battle of Little Bighorn.

Show all 22 chapters

The Dawes Act and Land Allotment

17:26 to 19:21

Examination of the Dawes Act and its effects on Native American land ownership.

“I don't know why that's relevant, Phoebe.”

Eugenics and Racial Science in America

19:21 to 21:44

Discussion on the eugenics movement in the U.S. and its influence on policies and societal views.

“The moral justification for this, it's not even a moral justification.”

Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse's Stories

21:44 to 24:16

Narrative about the lives and fates of Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse during this tumultuous period.

The Ghost Dance Movement and Its Consequences

24:16 to 28:00

Exploration of the Ghost Dance movement, its spiritual significance, and the violent backlash it incited.

“And so he rides around the arena in a horse and he gets paid$50 a week, which is about$1 ,800 today a week.”

The Death of Sitting Bull and Historical Context

28:00 to 30:14

Learn about the events surrounding Sitting Bull's death and its implications.

“And following his death, Chief Bigfoot, that's his actual name, sounds like I'm making that up, they flee towards the Pine Ridge Reservation.”

Hypothetical Time Travel to Baby Hitler

30:14 to 31:56

Explore a humorous scenario involving time travel to stop baby Hitler.

“So this is what Hitler looks like at the point of Woodenay.”

The Wounded Knee Massacre Overview

31:56 to 34:49

Understand the events leading up to the Wounded Knee Massacre and its significance.

“The 7th Cavalry attempt to disarm Bigfoot's band.”

Analysis of the Wounded Knee Massacre

34:52 to 42:01

Discuss the events of the Wounded Knee Massacre and its impact on Native Americans.

“The Americans, they encircle the, you know, was it 300 Lakota, mainly women and children, they encircle them and they have these machine guns that are like Gatling guns, but they're called something else.”

The Aftermath of Wounded Knee

42:01 to 44:20

Discussion on the implications of the Wounded Knee event and Sioux resistance.

“God, it's like watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?”

Reflections on Native American Identity

44:21 to 45:34

Humorous exploration of contemporary Native American identity and casino culture.

“You were big enough for Charlie to bring you up if we deal with Sussex in the 90s.”

Reflections on Native American Identity

46:11 to 46:48

Humorous exploration of contemporary Native American identity and casino culture.

“The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring Fall's best dressed.”

Reflections on Native American Identity

46:52 to 47:07

Humorous exploration of contemporary Native American identity and casino culture.

“For a limited time, you can get a Big Mac meal for just$8.”
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Transcript

Automatic transcript. May contain errors.

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1:27Welcome back, fatties.

1:32to part four of our Custer series. We're here with Neverfall throwing poo. Are you joining me? I'm throwing the poo-poo. Eating pies, throwing poo, and Specky Four Eyes. Yeah. We're here, and Custer's been slain. Yeah. Colonel Mustard's gone. Colonel Mustard's been caught. He's been hit by a candlestick. In the conservatory, the council guard was asked. And it's the aftermath of the battle of Little Bighorn, and it's listen america's got a bloody nose and they always uh they overreact yeah they don't react well to a bloody nose no they really don't why are they so fucking tetchy they are tetchy so jumpy i think it just doesn't really work with their view of themselves basically this is america you poke them they go fucking that yeah you know 10 years of war exactly um so this is the long road to uh afghanistan iraq iwo jima you can you know it's it's all it all starts here Who's Iwo Jima?

2:27Oh, no, sorry. No, Iwo Jima's not a... No, that's an island in the Pacific. Don't get too excited for our World War II Pacific series. My God. It's a while away. We're working our way through. Let's get through the Western Front first. Anyway, we're talking about the aftermath of Little Bighorn and what happens after Custer's death. Now, Charlie, you've Googled Native American swear words. What have you found? I like Munya. White person. Munya means white ass. Munyao. Munya Chihuahua. Munyau chihuahua is is that slang for white arse? Am I feeling racially violated? I hope so. Wouldn't that be amazing?

3:04I'd love to feel that. I think we're forcing it a bit though. Yeah, it genuinely just bounces off me. The M word. The M word. Munyau. He said it with a hard W. Munyau. Oh, but squaw is a young woman. That's like a little piece. Or cunt. Squaw Or shagants means shitheads Shagants means shitheads Alright shagants Oi oi Classic shagants Here he is Bunch of shagants Apparently squaw is a racist and prejudiced Slur is it Well I don't want to hear any more of it Sorry Can I just take a minute to apologise to all the Native American listeners Shall we do a land acknowledgement Let's do a land acknowledgement Yes Where are we So we're in South London Yeah So I would like to acknowledge that this is the land that I rent and I'm British so I live here and it's mine anyway we're talking about how uh after the battle little bighorn custer is dead and the news reaches the uh new york a couple of days afterwards and it's pandemonium right their their hero their celebrity has been butchered and and the the aura of impregnability has been shattered yeah by the native americans uh president grant says i regard custer's massacre as a sacrifice of troops brought on by Custer himself.

4:24Yeah, the public opinion split, right? People say Custer was arrogant and reckless. Yeah. Other people think he's like a martyr, romanticizing him. You know, this is the era of manifest destiny, manifesto. Well, the New York Times, I guess, because New York Times is always trying, framing the conversation of the time it's in. They're not wokies at this point. At this point, no, they're not. They believe in manifest destiny. They're fucking... That's the editorial policy of the New York Times, manifest destiny. it's about you know settler colonialists right so uh his now libby his widow widow whose poem was called miss lizzie excuse me uh very very moving story uh libby whose poem was called miss lizzie she now becomes a professional widow she's paid for it basically she writes custer's biography she she mythologizes him she makes him into an american hero she writes three books goes on speaking tours I'm obsessed with these women I think it's such an interesting career almost because I went to see Singing in the Rain you know you know Singing in the Rain yeah it was presented by Gene Kelly's wife right right but then his she was about 60 years old nice so it was like nice this is a film that came out in the 50s I believe nice Kelly was a dog and just everyone was sitting there just thinking hang on how's this works we're just working out the time period just did that 60 50 and he died like 10 years ago and basically he she was his third wife and she married him when she was in her 20s and he was i think 82 and so and she was only with him for the last three years she wanted that gig yeah and now she's been touring his film for the last 15 years taking her but she was a massive super fan as well yeah so she was basically just like one of our patrons coming through.

6:17And so you're on your deathbed, you have a patron basically wanks you off to your grave and then takes all your archive around with him, you know, for the next 20 years. Well, we're doing a Q &A speaking tour after the podcast ends when I'm dead. Well, you're like 80. Right. We've been doing this podcast. And I marry a patron. Who's wearing a tuxedo t-shirt at the wedding ceremony, wanking me off in a deathbed. Wanking you to death. Yeah. Because you're right at the end. And I'm surrounded by Nazi memorabilia that the patron have given me. By the way, I've been offered Himmler's milk jug. And are you...

6:50I'll see some photos. I mean, I often get offered Himmler's milk jug. So jugs. But yeah, I imagine then he'd take your archive, the Finn Taylor estate. Yeah. And sort of do like... Christ, the Finn Taylor estate. For 20 years, he's taken it around. He's technically Finn's husband. I'd like to do a presidential library. Oh, right. Right, so you invest in like a public... Public records. Or like a park, the Finn Taylor Park. Not a park, no. People like Charlie will shit in it. I don't know a park. A presidential library. Or it's a library where you can't be quiet, you have to shout. So it's really hard to work in.

7:29Right, so Custer had left Libby with a lot of gambling debts because he was a big gambler, which I don't know if we talked about or not, but the rest of history did fucking 11 episodes on this. Yeah, because he also tried his luck in the stock exchange, blew loads of his money. So when he was going out, part of the reason he was under such urgency to get Little Big Horn done as well is because he needed a big win. He needed to make his money back. Yes, he wanted a win so he could go and speak as the hero of the American Indian Wars. Yeah. He wanted to be Blair in Kazakhstan. Yeah, totally. God, the Blair doc's so good.

7:59Oh, the Blair doc's so good. It's so, fuck it, fires me up. Thank you. When he rolls his sleeves up and he goes into Kosovo. Yeah. God. And you can just see the monster. You can see the ego escape from him. What's this? Is this... What's going on here? Is this Marla Brando? Brando and... Yeah. When he sent her up. So this is an Oscar where Brando accepted the Oscar by sending up a... She's called... Suchy Little Feather. Suchy Little Feather. And she's an Apache. Apache's the most brutal ones. Or is that the Comanche? The Comanche are the most violent ones, I don't know. I don't actually know.

8:33She looks lovely. She does. Yeah. She doesn't look violent. Well, they wouldn't send an ugly one up, I think. No. Because it... Yeah. No, but I mean like violent ones. They wouldn't have said raffling bag like that. Fall has never looked or tasted this good. Sweetgreen's fall harvest menu is back with seasonal favorites dressed to impress and made to be devoured. Warm roasted sweet potatoes, crisp apples, maple glazed Brussels, and crave worthy flavors in the autumn harvest bowl, maple glazed salmon plate, and roasted bacon Brussels side. The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring fall's best dressed.

9:12Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app. Propel Fitness Water with Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar, and vitamins. Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade electrolytes. Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-CONTACTS. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order.

9:52Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-CONTACTS.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-CONTACTS. Custer is in debt when he dies, so Libby just becomes a professional widow and essentially mythologizes him. She alone makes him... towards his estate. Yeah, basically, as we've said. Right, what have you found? Come on then. Come on. Leslie Lemon. A World War II veteran from Aylesbury. Credited his long life to eating custard and rhubarb daily. And he believed in eating it cold or in a trifle, often stating that you can't beat it. He passed away. Often staying. He passed away only last year. To be fair, you can't say stop eating all that custard.

10:32If you're 106, it's like do whatever you've been doing. Mug of custard. Every day. Every day. 106. Fuck me. Do you think he's going to have a young wife who's touring his estate? Like a 21-year-old piece who's with him for the last three years? The custard estate. God, imagine sucking off Leslie Lemon, though. Tastes like custard. Well, yeah, it must do, actually. Fuck me. Who's been sucked off right now? Imagine having his custard in your mouth. Christ. Jesus. Does it change as you get older? Or is it always... Does it come of a 25-year-old man? At the end, it comes out like dust. Yeah. Someone had a joke about how when you get to 80, it's like a little white flag comes out and surrenders.

11:17Yeah, supposedly. It's like if you smack a tube cushion really hard. Oh, what? The Bakerloo line? Yeah. And just fucking centuries of dust comes out. But I wouldn't know, Charlie. I wouldn't know. Nor would I. The only cum I've tasted is my own by mistake. Have you tasted your own cum? Well, no. but I've, you know, I've, I've had a double. I've, I've kissed, I've kissed women after they've been down there, truffling. And you get, you get a sense of what it might taste like. So you've got a sense of it. I've got a sense of it. Also, there's, there's bushes that smell like cum and I can put two and two together.

11:54You've had tried your own cum. Whereas you've actually drunk the stuff. You're Leslie Lemon, but for cum, you're drinking custard every day. A mug of it. Yeah. A mug of cum every day. And you go, you can't beat it. You can't beat it. You can't beat a mug of cum. I wouldn't be surprised if you lived to 106. You can't be a mug of cum every day. Mug of cum every day. You can't beat it. This is you, 106 podcast veteran in a chair, drinking a mug of cum every day. Still producing this pod. Yeah. Anyway, what became of the 7th Cavalry? Crucially, crucially. Now, the 7th Cavalry had been decimated, of course, but it was brought back into service just a few months later.

12:32and Terry, Terry, our friend John Terry needs a recruitment drive to hunt down the Lakota along the little Missouri River. Now quite quickly after the battle the Americans, the Native Americans scatter but very quickly they then separate and if they had stayed as a village they might have had some kind of leverage. Yeah, well they would have delayed the inevitable about two years probably. Yeah, because Together Strong. Yeah, well who's that? More known weak. Together Strong wasn't there yet. Okay. He comes into the story later. So at some point, they go back to Washington, the army, and they're like, we need a fucking, we need everyone.

13:13We need the whole army to come and take down these. Nuke the cunts. Nuke the cunts now. Nuke Peru. That's where they're from. Fuck it. So the life of the Sioux basically just becomes get these fuckers onto a reservation. So in August 1877, the government added the sell or starve clause to the Indian Appropriations Act, which nullifies the Fort Laramie Treaty, which had been void anyway, the Black Hills thing. It stops rations to the Sioux reservations until they stopped fighting and surrendered the Black Hills. So what I didn't quite realize is that you've got people who are just like minding their own business, roaming about, shooting bison, and they're forced to go to center parks and to live off the rations of the American government.

13:56which is very weird for like a libertarian country to be like no you have to live off the state and we're also not going to provide one for you it's mad but also we're not to get too political but it's like the the support of israel it is like obviously america needs to back that because it's the same methods that they've used i think you should leave politics sorry yeah of course irrelevant uh the u.s government after uh the battle of little bighorn they go for a policy of total annihilation native children are taken from their families and made to follow strict rules children are given white names which is very sad because these guys have some of the best names so you know sitting on sitting on standing rock is fucking john john sam's sitting sitting on man's face becomes you know neil and it's just not yeah nigel nigel um nigel williams that's not very that's not a very gay name though oh right oh to what you mean the gay white name yeah well there's not really gay white names because gay white people they go matty matty's pretty but normally it's like i'm no longer matt i'm estevan do you know what i mean what it's always like um yeah i'm i'm i'm new now i'm actually jose i'm not joe i'm jose it's funny you just reminded me when I went to that wedding I'm Nigel I went to a wedding I got sat next to a gay man called Diego bit of fun whoever did the seating plan anyway lovely guy he didn't click but he was a nice enough guy he didn't know anyone you know when you get stuck next to someone who doesn't know anyone so you're like okay anyway we were getting on getting off we were getting on it was nice and then I had a lot he wasn't drinking he wasn't drinking I wasn't getting off with Diego he wasn't drinking and I was absolutely hammering it uh because we got we got all these shots in between uh wait we got these shots in between courses for the speeches and i did all of his because he wasn't drinking um but you did uh and anyway it got to the pudding right and my lizard brain kicked in and i i was just so drunk and hungry that i i ate the pudding in essentially like two bites and while i'm eating it like faster than anyone else is eating their pudding he's looking at me you know the way um you know the way zane low looks at fred again like that i'm just like oh he's there like oh oh god oh oh wow let him cook everyone's looking at me like fuck me you're eating that quickly so when you say your lizard brain my brain my fat brain kicked in and i just ate pudding like so like it was anti-social how quickly i ate pudding and he was looking at me like we've just been having a polite conversation then fuck me like a dog like an animal come out like he looked away and he looked back and there was a golden retriever there and then he let me eat his pudding i did not eat someone's ass you mean mine ain't yours no anyway so So yeah, the Indian kids are given white names.

17:09Very sad. They're banned from using native languages. Very sad becomes John Smith. Very sad. Sorry, very sad is now John. Boys had to have their hair cut and they were sort of cut off from their family. And by the time they returned home, the children can only speak English and they're alienated from their tribes. And the children are subject to sexual abuse. I don't know why that's relevant, Phoebe. I don't know why you put that in there. It's a comedy podcast. And that happens here. That's just normal. That's our thing. That's our thing. Yeah, we're trying to get them to be Protestant. Yeah, it's a boarding school.

17:39It's called being white. It's a white boarding school. Just fagging. It's just being fagging. It makes the man. Yeah, exactly. Kill the Indian and molest the boy. So the Dawes Act, 1887, this basically turns all native-owned land into plots, as in farm plots for individual native families. So they're trying to stop them being nomads and start them being farmers. Put some bloody fences up. Put some roots down. And these guys are like, but we're not, we don't have roots. We're digital nomads. And this is during your favorite period of racial science, but this is social, because what's often forgotten because of World War II is that social Darwinism as a philosophy was massive in America.

18:22Huge. It gets a bit washed because they were anti-fascist during World War II. As we discovered. They said all that stuff, they put it into the Nazis because we all agreed Nazis are bad. Yeah. But America was like, the king for that shit do not forget there was charity eugenics foundations you would be running a marathon you do charity gigs a lot more i would do charity gigs every day of my life for the american eugenics foundation you did a charity gig last night who was it for uh a children's hospice fuck off yeah i know gay um in the 18x please in the 1890s you would be running a marathon who are you running it for oh it's this little charity that wants to sterilize people with down syndrome let me sponsor you i'll sponsor you 100 pounds you're doing the lord's work yeah you know that's what a charity fun run you know yeah that's a fun run you know this this is what charity meant in the 1890s and obviously as we discussed in the eugenics episode series um the nazis copy and paste uh some american yeah eugenics policies and that and that becomes the Nuremberg laws.

19:31So you don't forget that. The moral justification for this, it's not even a moral justification. It's just sort of like a historical inevitability, right? That they're like the bigger race kills smaller race. Civilization wins out over the less civilized in their words. Because it's pretty hard to like, they are just, you know, hunting on the plains and it's kind of hard to justify it apart from the fact that it's like, well, we're going to build trains. Yeah. And you got to get out of the way. Get out of the way of the trains. Sorry, brother. Yeah. Which is bad, but also historically, is kind of sort of true.

20:02Train, train, the train will. The train's coming. They're not going to stop. They're not going to build trains around the. Nah. It's coming, brother. Get out of the way of the train. Yeah. Don't stand on the platform. I hate it when people jump in front of a train. It's rude. Christmas time. Kill yourself at home. Yeah. Or at least not at peak times. Like that's fucking. No, because part of the. Well, yeah, don't kill yourself. Just fucking do it somewhere else. if you want my pity for killing yourself be like a cat take yourself off into a forest and die yeah yeah or don't kill yourself or whatever you know just don't get in my way someone's gone soft he's lost his touch yeah don't kill yourself

20:46anyway father's changed you it has you know what it has i'm a big softy now telling our listeners not to kill themselves so the doors act uh now the officials believe that natives wouldn't make good use of the land so they gave them shit land saving the better land for the white guys. White. The White. To be fair, the White knew how to farm. Right. They opened boarding schools that are for Indian kids, Native American kids and basically trying to make them American to quote, kill the Indian and save the man. Right. Not my words. Also my words. Sometimes. Regularly. so native ownership of land is reduced from 138 million acres in 1887 to 48 million acres in 1934 still sounds like quite a lot but the combined this can the the near extinction of the buffalo in 1880 means that the sews way of life is you know in a in 10 years it's just gone so the use of the buffalo and the bison interchangeably but they are different right they mean bison okay but the americans call them buffalo in the same way indians are not indians yeah it's that same thing yeah that's a big cow exactly right no americans look at that indian on that cow exactly the americans can't name anything that's why all their cities are new york or yeah there's hampshire new hampshire yeah christ yeah all these miserable places yeah why have you picked the worst places yeah new portsmouth yeah christ imagine um manchester by the sea yeah you know christ don't try and class it up the act also made it possible for native americans to get citizenship if they accept the land allotments and they adapt to civilized life yeah right so this also introduces a blood quantum which means people have to prove that they're more than half native by blood to be declared indian so what happens to our friends crazy horse and sitting ball crazy horse surrenders himself to the army uh and now he his story is quite sad he so he refuses to go on a reservation he will not go to center parks this country and rather he's like me actually I'd rather just hand myself to the army I'm not going anymore it was very stressful um and he he's in custody and then that someone grabs him from behind trying to restrain him to take him I think they're going to take him send him to Florida maybe um then he has a little knife and he attacks his guard and then uh a US guard just bayonets him in the back yeah and then they're like why don't you lie on the bed and he's like no I'm not lying on the bed I'm gonna lie on the floor and he just bleeds out on the floor because on the floor he's not like their property on the bed you know yeah it's very moving and poetic he said bury me at wounded knee he must have because that's that book about this whole thing it's called bury me at wounded well we'll get to wounded knee so sitting bull uh does the opposite of that he uh becomes an instagram influencer yeah he goes to canada yeah uh because in canada and this this makes me feel proud actually canada they call the grandmother's land right queen victoria nice they go to the british empire where they'll be treated better yeah because they this is one of the few things where we're like the good guys in this because compared to the americans you say this a lot and there's more than a few things by this point yeah you know but like they had time for queen victoria yeah yeah the native americans they got it so he returned from canada in 1881 because they ran out of food and he surrenders he just gives up and he in 1885 and this is extraordinary he joins Buffalo Bill's Wild West, which is like a traveling circus.

24:18Right. And so he rides around the arena in a horse and he gets paid$50 a week, which is about$1 ,800 today a week. It's pretty good money. It's decent. And he gives most of it to the poor idiot. Woke. Woke nonsense. At the opening ceremony of the Northern Pacific Railway, he allegedly told the audience, quote, I hate all white people, you're thieves and liars. You've taken away our land and made us outcasts. Well, that's racist. That is racist. and if I was in that audience, I'd be tweeting saying cancel Crazy Horse or whatever it's called. Sitting Bull, the other one. The translator changed the speech to praise the railroad and the crowd loved it.

24:53Clever. Sure got this guy at the BAFTAs. Now, in the late 1880s, he's on a reservation and he hates it because at this point, food's running out, the government aren't sending it. It's like really cold. He can't ride a tandem bike. He can't ride, yeah. I mean, you know, there's like an elephant and a lion and he's like, what the fuck am I doing? uh so they then he then hears that there is hope finally you know his way of life's getting decimated and then he hears of this weird mad cult movement called a ghost dance like a flash mob sort of it's basically like a sort of christian native american cross breed right uh religious revival collab it's led by a prophet named wavoka or jack wilson um he has this revelation in 1889 where he claimed he was died and was taken to the spirit world where the dead native people were all living happily and the land was once again teeming with bison and he met God who told him that war and suffering was ending and everything was going to go back to how it was.

25:57It's very sad actually. They started dancing and he got given a set of instructions to bring back the living and to recapture the life they had and there's something about how they all wore white shirts and the white shirts would stop bullets. Right. So this is how you do the dance, right? The people must perform a ghost dance for five consecutive days and nights every six weeks to ensure the arrival of the new world. It's like a millenarian religious cult. It's five days in a row and six weeks on a... That's a lot of time. Now, the original vision said you have to be pacifist towards the white settlers.

26:34Right. So you're not allowed to hurt anyone and they must not lie, steal or fight with one another. So the Lakota, who were living under very oppressive conditions, they interpret this with a sort of like defiant edge where they're actually a bit more violent towards the white man. Right. And they say, so the shift from like Wovoka's whole thing about, you know, internal renewal to sort of physical protection against the army. And then the media at this point are, the American media, are like trying to find a villain for the last bit of the Indian fight. So they're trying - To justify it. They're basically, they try and make this out to be a, like a guerrilla campaign.

27:17Right. Like a mad, you know, this is at the end of 40 years of like boys growing up hearing about the American Indian Wars and like the savagery of the frontier and stuff. This is the final bit. And by this point, the 7th Cavalry is like a new generation of, men who haven't fought at all, but they've heard all these stories. And so they're like, oh, brilliant. There's a new bunch of mad cunts that we can go and mess up. So Sitting Bull gets arrested because they're scared he's going to join the ghost dance movement. But his son Crowfoot mocks him for surrendering. Anyway, a follower of Sitting Bull who's called Catch the Bear shoots a police officer who's called Bullhead.

28:01is he called Bullhead a police officer a Native American police officer they had police officers yeah it's like when the black police officers who were involved in the violence in LA yeah it's the same sort of vibe right so Bullhead he gets shot by Catch the Bear and Bullhead falls and fires at Sitting Bull and then Red Tomahawks shoot Sitting Bull in the back of the head and so there's this mad gunfire that follows and Crowfoot gets killed as well along with shiny head and sore foot and big dick and head bone off and all that. Bareback. Bareback dies. So Sitting Bull dies in December 1890. And following his death, Chief Bigfoot, that's his actual name, sounds like I'm making that up, they flee towards the Pine Ridge Reservation.

28:54It's funny, Reservation makes it, they do sound like Centre Park Lodges. They all say it sounds like Pine Ridge. They sound lovely, actually. Pine Ridge Reservation. Now, they get intercepted by the 7th Cavalry, Custer's Old Regiment. Now, it should be said that they escort them to a camp at Wounded Knee Creek. Right. It should be said that just after Custer's death, they start a force called the Custer Avengers. Right. The Custer Avengers. The 7th Cavalry are looking for revenge this whole time. So at this point, it's the end of December 1890. 1890. This is, what, 14 years after Little Bighorn.

29:30We should place this. 1890. 1890. This is after Jack the Ripper. This is just after Jack the Ripper. And it's before... Hitler's an infant. Hitler's 18 months. 18 months. Hitler is just learning to walk. So it's before Hitler's second birthday. It's before Hitler's second birthday. Lovely. Yeah, it's not too bad. A toddler Hitler. You know, he's exploring things with his mouth. So if you were going to go back to kill... If there's been time travellers who have gone back to kill baby Hitler, they might be around at this time. Yes. It's in the window that someone would go back to kill baby. A steampunk nonce has gone back to 1890.

30:06And then said, I can't look at him. I can't look at him. He's so... Get baby Hitler up. Look how cute he is. Because baby Hitler's done nothing wrong. Done nothing wrong. He can't kill a baby. And do you think what he's going to... Think what he's going to... Look at him. That must... That could be... That kid looks about 18 months. Yeah. That could be from 1890, that photo. Pretty much. Click on that website. Let's find out where that photo's from. Blut blut blut blut blut blut blut. Blut blut blut blut. April 1889. Oh. He's born in 89. Oh, no, he's too. No, he's born in 1880. No, he's born in 89.

30:38No. He's born in 89. Yeah, April 89. So in... This probably is. Yeah, he's about 18 months. So this is what Hitler looks like at the point of Woodenay. Yeah. Adorable. Adorable. Absolutely. You just want to smush his cheeks, don't you? Blut blut blut blut blut. Do you know what Hitler's first word was? The ultimate goal must definitely be the removal of the Jews altogether. That's his first written statement. No, that's his first written statement in 1919. But I mean, if it was his first word, that's pretty impressive. It would be much easier for the time traveler to kill baby Hitler if baby Hitler was saying, the ultimate goal must definitely be the removal of the Jews altogether.

31:17Yeah, no. I think he grew into his anti-Semitism. What would Hitler's Native American name be? uh it's a good point actually what would it be gas juice or little tash little could be little tash yeah well angry tash angry tash bad bad man bad man real bad man um yeah angry tash is nice yeah yeah um that's not actually how hitler comes into this story that's that's just a byproduct that's just for free that's for free that one join the patron uh i feel we're to go in these that these pro bono sort of freebies out. I know. It's ridiculous. Crazy. So let's get to Wounded Knee Massacre. December 29th, 1890.

32:01The 7th Cavalry attempt to disarm Bigfoot's band. The atmosphere is very tense. That's what Phoebe's written. How does she know? Should we do a soundscape? We haven't done a soundscape for a while. Yeah. Okay. So bear in mind, there's Red Indians. There's no cowboys. Actually, cowboys come after this. Interestingly. me found that out yesterday the cowboys only come in when the indians have been decimated so cowboys farmers sort of yeah yeah anyway so it's very tense and the scuffle breaks out when a deaf tribesman called black coyote was reluctant to surrender his rifle so because he's like he's deaf as well doing that would he would he I think it'd be like it just wouldn't sound right it'd be like no I definitely well hang on it'd be because he wouldn't get the pitch right yeah well no because he's not going

33:03that's a disabled red indian that's a disabled red indian right a deaf one is probably

33:17that's a gay one that's a gay one he's just shoving it in his mouth

Read the full transcript

33:26that's sitting balls putting crazy horse cocks

33:32yeah brilliant Sorry about that. Brilliant. Great stuff. So anyway. Anyway. Fall has never looked or tasted this good. Sweet Greens Fall Harvest Menu is back with seasonal favorites dressed to impress and made to be devoured. Warm roasted sweet potatoes, crisp apples, maple glazed Brussels and crave worthy flavors in the autumn harvest bowl, maple glazed salmon plate and roasted bacon Brussels side. the season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring fall's best dressed. Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app. Propel Fitness Water. With Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar, and vitamins, Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self.

34:20What propels you? Propel with Gatorade electrolytes. Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-CONTACTS. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-CONTACTS.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-CONTACTS. Anyway, no, this is actually very bad. This is bad form. Very sad. The Americans, they encircle the, you know, was it 300 Lakota, mainly women and children, they encircle them and they have these machine guns that are like Gatling guns, but they're called something else.

35:13And they just fucking, they just have at them. Hot kiss mountain guns. Hot kiss, is that what it's called? I mean, it's not cricket. We'll say that much. It's baseball. Yeah. It's baseball. And it's not as fun to watch. and it doesn't need the same skill. Yeah, they just mow them down and actually, because they're in a circle, they kill some of their own soldiers. 25 soldiers died from friendly fire. It's very sad. So all the 25 Americans died from Americans. They're encircling them in a circle and they're just firing guns. Christ, that is... And so 300 women and children... During a ghost dance, is this?

35:52Yeah, no, there are ghost dancers there and they've got white shirts on, but it turns out the white shirts don't stop bullets. So is the ghost dance sort of like Gandhi with rhythm? I don't know much about Gandhi. Yeah, but like the non-violence, it's about resistance via like resilience and non-violence, but instead you're body popping doing the caterpillar. Yes. Right. Don't shoot me. Yeah, and you're wearing a big white shirt. Breathe. Yeah, I mean, if I had a Gatling gun and I saw that, I'd gun him down. Diversity. Oh, man. Go diversity, Britain's Got Talent vinyl. I would mow that down. My God.

36:34I'm watching. Elevator. Breathe. Yeah. If that's happening, I'm in like a gun nest like Germany's on D-Day. You can't. It's actually Banjo. Look at this. No, no. Banjo's getting his head torn. Look at this. Even the little kid. No. Flipping out of a rucksack. No, they're all dead. They're all torn. Torn. sorry. No, they kill about 300 women and children. Yeah. There's no kind of, yeah, you can't, there's no two ways about it. Yeah, the ghost dance wasn't affected against the Hotchkiss. Yeah. The Hotchkiss gun, and this sort of ends. It's a tough way to, you know, revisionist this one, to be honest.

37:13Well, at the time, they were asking for, well, yeah, I mean, the guy was asked to put his gun down several times, and he kept sort of, oh, whatever.

37:27um and i guess if you the only way you can view it favorably of the americans is a hatred of a breakdancing yes that's kind of like i completely understand that's the only way you could frame this yeah where the americans are the heroes yeah it's that they're doing their best to stop the scourge of public flash mobs and breakdancing and buskers god i'd love to gun down a busker yeah i'd love that how would you do it i'd machine gun them right yeah but in the tube yeah anywhere tube you'd be at the top of the escalator and you chuck a grenade that perfectly bounces down and lands into his hat like that would be the most satisfying way as he's shredding yeah no I don't I like the shredding guys yeah sometimes it's good accordion underground is a fucking hate crime whereas wounded knee wounded knee wounded knee was a battle so wounded knee kind of ends you know the ghost dance is shown to be what it is load of nonsense and this kind of ends all resistance from the the sue it's sort of symbolic of the entire conflict right yeah it's the final and but at the time they call it a battle the battle of wounded need the army uh call it a massacre but all the media who basically drum they made the ghost dance into uh something it wasn't this like rebel force right they start calling it's calling it a battle and the army are like no this was a massacre we need an inquiry and stuff so so the at all times the army is like this is not cricket and yet the civilians the media who are with the army reporting on it are trying to make it into a sensational tabloid story.

39:09No, it was fucked up what we did. No, seriously. No, it was great. No, it was brilliant. Just as a little coda to the story for our thick fat listeners, the US government's tactics against the Native Americans are having an admirer across the pond. By this point, he's man, he's flesh and bone, he's no longer a toddler, and Hitler... Sort of Elvis to the Beatles, wouldn't you say? taken from the states and maybe making it a European take on yeah it's the Beatles and Cliff Richard so in 1928 Hitler states that the US has gunned down the millions of redskins Hitler that's not the Hitler Adolf Adolf Native American please thank you indigenous sorry I apologise for Adolf's language here he is not of this time okay Hitler the US has gunned down the millions of redskins to a few hundred thousand and now keep the modest remnant under observation in a cage.

40:03Now, what's interesting about that is that very quote will be said by someone from Navarra Media, maybe not the Redskins, but he's saying that as a compliment. Yes. Which is quite interesting. The US has gone down many redskins to a few hundred thousand and I keep the modest remnant under observation in a cage. That sounds like you're saying it's a bad thing. Yeah. And he's like, brilliant. But great. That's fantastic. Yeah. And he said that the treatment of Native Americans was a model for his Lebensraum policy. Great album. Lebensraum policy. Yeah. Yeah, brilliant. that was one of you yeah um so also what's what's also should be said that now some of the native american survivors at wounded knee they get uh maybe they're not even survivors some people who are uh they're indian anyway they get they say they say rather than go to jail you have to join the buffalo bill wild west show and then they fucking get made to tour um europe fuck so it's diversity but isn't it mad how it's like the end of the war is to basically make it into a circus but that's america right yeah that's the american story exactly is you have all these like tribal things when you view the earth mother mother nature and you get captured by fat blokes with guns who make you dance in a circus like the difference in the culture understanding of america it's the gift shop also the you know montana being this beautiful part of the world being wasted on fat idiots yeah totally you know these people have complete respect for their landscape it's the gift shop at the 9-11 memorial we're gonna we're gonna you're gonna do this to us and then we're gonna fuck your country up and then after 10 years of war it's gonna go back to how it was but we'll be making money from the site that you initially desecrated on our land yeah you know crazy crazy horse sorry not crazy he's dead crazy horse but what's crazy horse's link to Wounded Knee then he doesn't have one he does he says bury me at Wounded Knee no he didn't say that they buried him at Wounded Knee after Wounded Knee because that's like the symbolic end of the resistance I think anyway 1980 representative of the Sue Borte legal case against the US government in the Supreme Court for the violation of the Fort Laramie Treaties and the court voted in favour of the Sioux and awards them a financial settlement of$102 million which would be over a billion in today's money.

42:28But the Sioux refused the money. Idiot. What are you doing? Take the money. Take the money. God, it's like watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? They won't take half a minute. Take it. But they're not planning to get more, are they? Oh my God, it's so frustrating. They don't get it. The Sioux refused the money and remained committed to processing their rightful ownership over the Blackhound. It's gone, mate. Take the money. Buy some new hills. Yeah, set up a casino. Oh, man. We've done four parts, and there's not learning. They don't get it. They don't get it. Anyway. So that leads us to now, where it's the long road to the Native American casino.

43:06Type in Native American casino. Let's get some visuals. It also should be said that there was a show in Glasgow, Wild West Buffalo show, where all the actors left and then a Native American stayed on the stage and told the audience that actually what actually happened at Wounded Knee and it was a massacre and it wasn't because they made them this was in Glasgow they made them reenact Wounded Knee with these Native American actors and then one of them stayed on after they'd left the stage and told the audience what actually happened but because he was speaking in his own language everyone was like ah get to fuck fuck off fuck off and then just threw tomatoes at him whatever right Which is a nice little code at the end of the story, isn't it?

43:47But even the fact that Native Americans are now casino owners, it always like, symbolically, it all kind of, they're fucking running slot machines for people in fucking mobility scooters now. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, slot machine and mobility scooter. Well, that's what modern Native Americans are called now. Well, that's what I mean. They're running a casino. It's gone from fucking crazy horse sitting ball. Now it's fucking... To a fat mobility scooter. And chubby slot machine. anyway anyway listen that's the end of our custer crazy horse and native american series if you would like more um do we have look do we have any charlie do we have any sense of the fattest native american baby ever well i'm surprised i did try and find that yeah but it's unclear there are i guess they don't there's an oral there is a there is a lot of people have been sending me on instagram a lot of listeners this new baby that's just been born about three weeks ago in new york new big baby just dropped he's yeah new big baby just dropped he's a 13 pound baby boy fucking erupted out of his mom there 13 pound baby boy and he already requires clothes for a six month old fuck straight nought to six months yeah guys i was 12 pounds fucking hell i was 12 pounds yeah 13 pounds isn't that much i mean i was fucking huge but that but if they're making posts about that that bums me out because that basically means i'm you're free i was big enough to be a Facebook post.

45:14You were big enough for Charlie to bring you up if we deal with Sussex in the 90s. I must be up there. Anyway, if you'd like more, we're on the Patreon. We are delving into the history of Mormonism. Lots of fun. But if not, we'll see you next week for a brand new topic. This has been Finn vs. History. Goodbye for now.

46:11We'll see you next time. and roasted bacon brussel side. The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring Fall's best dressed. Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app. Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-CONTACTS. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-CONTACTS.com today to save on your first order.

46:511-800-CONTACTS. For a limited time, you can get a Big Mac meal for just$8. That's a burger, fries, and a drink. They don't call it an extra-value meal for nothing. Get a Big Mac meal only at McDonald's. Price and participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.

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Join us for our final part in our epic Battle of Little Big Horn series. Apologies to anyone named Matty listening. 

 

 The Battle of Little Big Horn (Part 4)

 

The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.  

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Chapters:

00:00 - oi oi shaggants

06:27 - Mug Of Cum

11:57 - Don’t Kill Yourself

18:30 - #CancelCrazyHorse

24:12 - The Custard Avengers

27:26 - Bad man

33:00 - Gun Down A Busker

36:48 - The Travelling Circus

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