Hitler’s Farty Pig Forest Party | Dunkirk Part 2: Blitzkrieg

0:00Push your limits, train with precision, see the results. At Equinox, that's high-performance loving. Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox. Start today at equinox.com.

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1:27Welcome back to VimBus History. Beside me, some O-Show Gould. And today, we're talking about sniffs. It's Nazi sniffs. It's, oh my God, I'm excited. Sniffs before sniffs were sniffs. This has got me wet as buttered crumpets. I'm just, it's just seeping through me. So drugs at Glastonbury, you find that annoying? This is the opposite of that. The Blitzkrieg is the opposite of Glastonbury. both similar drugs similar drugs but used correctly to invade the french i'm on board um today this is part two of our series on dunkirk yeah um now we left off with churchill had become prime minister on the 10th only british politician whose bottom hadn't fallen out he didn't have a broken bum his bum was intact and as such he is the only one who can handle the job yeah and his darkest hour is when his bum comes close to breaking comes close to breaking but he holds it in Britain's bum that's never been so close to breaking that was in the end of May 1940 smelliest hour Britain's smelliest hour this is you know if you've just joined us stop listen to episode one this is key information if you're not aware of Dunkirk if you're Australian or New Zealand which is the same thing medically thick if you're medically thick or Australian as I like to call them, if you're American.

2:55These people don't know about Dunkirk because they weren't really around at this point. Well, France, Britain and America each teach World War II as they're the ones who won it. No, no, no, France don't do that. Oh, sorry. Britain, America and Russia. They each have a huge myth building about World War II. France go, that was a very dark time for cheese production. Yeah. And this is our, this is in the whole war, this is when we're most important this is britain's this is when we win the war yeah it's five years before it ends so churchill is prime minister now before we get into the the sniffs the sniffs krig um we need to talk about the lay of the land to the few ladies who listen this is going to get quite male yeah we're getting this is military history at its finest yeah this is arguably war doesn't get more exciting what are you doing in the shed in the garden go away linda i'm having my quiet time um i saw you alan i saw you you just sat in the car you got home from the shops 20 minutes ago what you do i'm listening to military history go away um this is this is real red meat for us men yeah the blitzkrieg hitler's high pressing you know revolutionary warfare yeah why why is it so devastating i mean it is a lot like football to be fair the tactical difference with Blitzkrieg and to how football used to be it is very similar to Liverpool and getting a press and coming into these rigid sort of formations and the only way to break down sort of Guardiola system football well you know how the Germans you know this is what the English recently like 10 years ago tried to remodel is the Germans after the disaster of the I think it's the 2006 World no 2002 World Cup they were like right we have to start again we just completely tear everything down they basically go what are we good at oh yeah invading people so let's flood the pitch forward let's go fast let's make a spearhead and then the defence can just sort of mop up at the back and remember when they beat Brazil 7-1 in their backyard and there was a feeling of like Germany need to keep a lid on it because this is this is not quite traumatic this is not cricket it's quite triggering the Germans doing winning that well you know in the same way that that match got uploaded to Pornhub I'd quite like this invasion to get unloaded to Pornhub what would the title be?

5:14horde of blitzed up krauts fuck France before it can turn around? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So why is it so effective? Well, on the French side, we've got to talk about the defence that they, or what they were planning for. Yeah. So we need to talk about something called the Maginot line. De Sely. They got great Turam. They got some great defenders. Yeah, the French do make good defenders. Yeah. Ironically. Gallas. Gallas. Well, no, it's so similar to Gallas. in that at the end of Galas' career, he sat on the bench and just like, if you play me, I'm going to score it and go, I want to leave.

5:50That's kind of what the French do here. So this is footage, if you're watching, of the Maginot line. Now, the Maginot line was built in about 1928, well, it started in 1928, and it was this, at the time, state-of-the-art defensive, what would you call it, like compounds? Like it's a line of... A line of fortifications, right? Yeah, it's a line of fortifications. basically it's intended to be a permanent defense against german attacks it's so world war one doesn't happen again which yeah so they they think that if germans are going to attack again it's going to be the same as last time yeah uh and it's going to be trench warfare it's going to be static yeah so they go well if it's static rather than digging mucky glastonbury holes yeah let's make a big line of like glamping it's a low block yeah it's yeah it's not a high rise it's a low rise and so it's tunnel systems I mean if you're watching they are they're glazing ham in there they're eating pate this is this is the most French this is a state of the art they tell us the art defense and then we have lunch and then we make chefs yeah again this is part of the issue if you're watching is that it is mainly a Michelin star restaurant what the fuck this is this is their army why are we showing a dumb waiter and fucking like this is the French Iron Dome right and it's literally a kitchen.

7:10This is why the Germans take France so easily is that, you know, the Israelis have got this system where it detects any object, missile, civilian aircraft, Palestinian family, who cares? Bomb it, right? The French are like, and then we take this sauce and we just, we add some butter, we take it off the heat. And then, look at that, we have a beautiful, a beautiful pan sauce made from the fond, which is the skin of the pan chicken that is burnt onto the pan. We use that flavour to accentuate to sauce what's that oh no the germans are here right so uh this line stretches for 750 kilometers along the french border with italy germany luxembourg why and um southern belgium luxembourg luxembourg they're the belgium i'd say yeah well belgium is france thank you for correcting me christ this is all france until it gets to holland yeah and they're lucky yeah they'll be lucky if they get their own country well if the dutch weren't such sex freaks they would be germans but they are they're on the edge yeah they're looking over their shoulders final warning if you act any more German you are getting anxious yeah exactly if Germany legalises prostitution it's all Germany it's all Germany yeah exactly so it is a state of the art compound as we've seen but it's state of the art it's a very satisfying form of like a zoom out military tactics map sense it's a very satisfying thing that happens it's beautiful it's unbelievable we are going to be There's going to be some map stuff this episode.

8:34Because it's actually very simple. That's why it's very... A lot of the time, it's very impenetrable military history. But this bit is very... It's fun for all the family. Yeah, it is. It's easy to understand. So if you look at the map, you've got this... France have gone right. The Germans are not going to invade over our main border with them. We're going to shore that up. Yeah, it makes sense. Plug that hole. Yeah. Can we make a Cote de Boeuf while we're plugging that hole? We can. Of course. Brilliant. Absolutely. is it one big wine seller? Fantastic. Is it just France underground? Great. Can we surrender from that?

9:07Lovely, lovely stuff. Then you've got Belgium, which is, now the start of Belgium and France, that start of that border is covered by the Ardennes Forest. Yeah. Charlie, get the pig off the screen. We're trying to look at the pig. There are lots of pigs in the Ardennes Forest. Thank you. Okay, that is relevant. There are a lot of pigs. We should make a lovely kind of boar stew. Lovely boar stew. Well, the Germans go through the Ardennes. So that's probably why, because they go, who's that? lovely piggies there's piggies in there let's go I feel quite hungry actually suddenly that would go lovely with some bitter pills and a beer and some kraut some kraut sour kraut and pig so then there's the Ardenne forest which it's quite hilarious how they leave that unmanned there's no defences there because they go well it's trees that one can go through there trees and pigs trees and pigs who's going through there that is impenetrable well that forest with a big road in it impenetrable not a restaurant in sight there's no restaurants there's no toilets there's trees there's pigs you'd have to be fucking mad to launch an invasion through there you'd have to be Hannibal crossing the Alps my god that's never gonna do you know what we'll have two blokes on chairs smoking rollies with a carafe of red they can watch that because it's just not worth putting any manpower in the Ardennes so is it why they did it is because the natural it wasn't because it was a natural barrier is it not because it was Belgian and that's not France anymore no but it is the it is the border with France it's the Ardennes forest right it's all it's air conditioned they're having wine they're making beef Wellington you know they're frying green beans and the fat of beef whatever so the BEF the British Expeditionary Force the BEF these lads I love BEF I love is it in a tin can I have some tin BEF these BEF-y boys these big beefy boys from Britain they've got 390 ,000 British troops have gone to France pretty much as soon as the war breaks out but they're not fucking doing anything and it must be stressed that this is the British army at this point is not infantry, really.

11:01We're not a great land power. We sort of - World War I, they basically kill all the blokes. Yeah. Like, dead. Yeah. And then they've gone, right, if we're going to have an army, let's be like, let's make planes and ships and machines and not just chuck men into a pasta machine for four years. Yeah, yeah. Turns out that didn't really work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the Expeditionary Force is sort of their entire land army as we understand it. And they're in France and they're, you know, they're just having a great time it's a holiday yeah these people this is before cheap air travel yeah people don't go abroad so they're like fucking hell you see what they've done to that goose french stick and butter lovely this bread's amazing yeah what's great about this bread you can shove it up your arse is that what they do over here do you reckon yeah because when you get a loaf and you had to scrunch it it's soft yeah I get the loaf and I squeeze it into pellets and it doesn't go off as much it's not as pliable this stick just goes straight up there did your nan call it a french stick yeah yeah absolutely the longest baguette ever baked thank you Charlie was 461 feet long near Paris by this guy that's only some of it I can't imagine how long it is wow again that's actually the Maginot line there it's a series of French bakers with a very long baguette covering from Cannes in the sands of France all the way up to the Ardennes Forest it's a very very long baguette and they think there's no way the Germans can get past that yeah you know unless we get hungry and start eating it's two days old that baguette so it's rock solid very hard so what the what the birth let's talk about the birth the our boys our brave boys yeah that are over there before and during the phony war nothing's really happening um so what is the phony war we talked about it briefly it's just like eight months which people don't really talk about because it was boring yeah no fuck all happens yeah we're at war are we narratively unsatisfying world war ii in general is very narratively satisfying you get the big explosion at the end there's a real rise and fall it like it really maps really nicely it's got a beginning a middle and end the phony war is like doesn't doesn't it doesn't work most of it works so well narratively you should start and then you should we should have started here well this is where it came but the phony war is just wetting the whistle it's tension it's the yeah i guess so it's the sound it's the sound that's always going up like in the slow day of test cricket yeah it's day one day two days i mean the test that's you know the india test it's like the first few days were fucking boring.

13:25The last few days, oh, hello. This is why we invested in it. Now it's getting spicy. But not too spicy. That's why you have to balance the flavours with the batter. You want to cut through the vinegar with some milk or some dairy, probably just to soften the sauce. So they're in French port towns, the BEF, and they're expecting the Germans to come through Belgium. They're not going to go through the big baguette that stretches from Italy down to the Berlin. They can't. They're not going to go through the forest full of pigs. They'd have to be mad. you'd be mad you'd be mad to go through it there so they come through Belgium like they did in World War I so we'll put all our boys there and they're in all these port towns and they're fucking having a great time the British great weekend it's a great weekend Ghent Bruges Brussels you see it in the afternoon yeah if you're going do all three in about two days if that if that it really is a whistle stop tour I reckon fuck off Ghent to be honest yeah I reckon just Bruges Bruges half an hour half an hour genuinely you do that in half an hour Bruges it really is tiny it's a square it's a square and it's everywhere does the same beer and chips and mayonnaise it is very pretty but it's there's a pissing boy is that in Brussels the pissing boy statue you rub his little willy and I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know if I was on that tourist tour guide you're immune from being a pedophile I don't know what the fucking thing is anyway yeah so there's red light districts in all the major port cities and in Cherbourg particularly prostitution was especially rife and there's a there's a quote from a guy called William Harding who's a British gunner who apparently in September 39 he's walking along the narrow streets of the town and goes, oh, it started raining.

14:57And then he looks up and realises it's all British troops pissing out of brothel windows. Right. And apparently the prostitutes would wear nothing but G-strings and high heels. Sex costs 10 francs, which is twice what a beer would cost. I'd be like, I'll just have two beers, please. Keep your mucky tun tun. You can keep your mucky tun tun. And I'll have a Cronenberg, please. Two Cronenbergs, no sex. and apparently while there's obviously there's queues of people waiting apparently what the prostitutes would do come out of their rooms between clients wipe their tuntuns with a rag and then throw it into the crowd what a rascalat?

15:33dirty rascalat throw it into the crowd of British troops and the troops would scramble for the rag like a rugby scrum fighting for a ball well we know what to do with our instead of a t-shirt cannon at our live podcast yeah dirty poop hand cannon we have a rascalat cannon to our entirely male audience. Yeah, we're going to wipe our bums. We're going to get French prostitutes wipe their tinte on a dirty rascal. No, we're going to wipe the production. It's going to be a limited edition Finvers' History rascal. We're going to spend the preceding hour wiping our ass. We'll say it's French prostitutes, but we've actually just wiped our ass on it.

16:09Yeah, exactly. We're a small team. We cannot bring French prostitutes into the fold. We need an editor before we need a French prostitute. We could do a call out on Instagram. Are there any French prostitutes that follow this who are willing to wipe their mucky tuntum with a rascal yeah but several rascal arts we need to be mass produced stinky rascal it's merch it's merch it's stinky merch yeah signed signed stinky rascal arts and then obviously a lot of men catch VD funnily enough right with the whole it's probably from being huffing all that that stinky tuntum well it's probably that tuntum tennis they're playing French rugby whatever it's called basically Montgomery Conry, who we'll come to, who's one of the British heroes of the World War II.

16:54Autistic. Yes. Double autism. Never has so much been done by one autistic guy. Yeah. That's that quote, isn't it? My God. Because this is the most British Brit. It's the most autistic autist. Monty, we'll get to - In a way that is like, the Frenchest French guy is the gayest gay guy. Yeah. The British British guy is the most autistic autistic guy. Yeah. He's like the Northern Lights for British autism. In the, you know, there's just, it's a miracle to witness. Yeah. Anyway, so a lot of men catch VD. and so Monty sends a memorandum about how to prevent disease and he advocates for French lessons so that the troops could ask the police the way to the doctors and the chemists.

17:27However, it was condemned by the Church of England because it basically meant you were just encouraging people to keep fucking. Now, there's also a guy called Lord Gort who we need to deal with. Lord Gort. Viscount Gort. The podcast I listened to sort of said that he should be given much more credit because it's his idea to evacuate Dunkirk. but Churchill removes the command from him quite quickly I think apparently he was quite he wasn't that good but apparently the whole thing is his idea the fallback to Duncan what's interesting about the British kind of upper echelons in politics and in because it's such a hierarchical society it is like there's a pool of 300 blokes who can do any of these jobs right yeah it's like you can't do it but it's going to be your mate down the road there's another I can't yeah it's just it's such a small pool of people that are actually going to have all the education's to actually do these jobs.

18:17Exactly. It's not like they've earned their way to be there. They've been born to the right place. Gort's called a glorified boy scout by people and he's more preoccupied with like birds. He's a bird watcher and tying knots. He's a quad appreciator. He is a quad appreciator but people say that he would yeah, the whole thing wouldn't have happened without him ordering the retreat. right okay anyway so that's the Maginot Line it's a big stick of bread and now we must get to the Germans so the Germans Hitler's wanted to invade the West since like October right because he's just like I'm I'm seeing the matrix now he's going in I'm like let's go to another place man he's going in I've got on Poland's whatever I'm bored let's go the music it's not quick enough we can go somewhere else man push your limits train with precision see the results At Equinox, that's high-performance loving.

19:15Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox. Start today at equinox.com.

19:24Hey y 'all, Kelly Clarkson here with Wayfair. You know my favorite compliment during the holidays? Your house feels so cozy. That's when I know everyone's comfortable enough to kick off their shoes, grab more dessert, and stay a little longer. Wayfair makes it easy, with everything from dining furniture to festive guest room essentials, all in one place. So whether you're hosting for an afternoon or all weekend, everyone feels right at home. Get holiday guests ready at Wayfair.com or on the Wayfair app today. Wayfair, every style, every home. Still waiting in line? Again? That's time you'll never get back.

19:59Save time and money with Stamps.com. Over 4 million businesses have skipped the line with Stamps.com. Join them to save up to 90 % off carrier rates from your computer or phone right now. Print postage for certified mail, registered mail, and packages in seconds. Then schedule a pickup right from your home or office. For a limited time, go to stamps.com and use code podcast for a free welcome gift. Taxes and fees apply. So his big thing is he doesn't have the numbers to invade France, right? Because the French... French have got so many troops. Millions. An amazing army. And they've got the biggest baguette ever baked, right?

20:37So terrifying. But Hitler, now supposedly you need invading force to be successful. You need a three to one over manpower, right? But in February 1940, there is a working breakfast in the Reich's Cancelery, right? Again, I'd love to be a fly on the wall. A working breakfast. A Nazi working breakfast. No, the French have never had a working breakfast in their life. No. Because it's like, well, we'll have breakfast. Sorry, are we working? Are we having breakfast? What are we doing? can you can you pick one it's a working lunch same problem are we working are we having lunch so uh in 1940 working breakfast where they discussed the arden plan now there are three generals guderian van manstein and some other guy right and these are like the head of the manstein manstein that's great i mean or von manstein he's a van man he's a van manstein um that's a straight name that yeah van manstein which is german for beer yeah yeah van man beer Fat Man beer.

21:37So they discuss how they're going to invade France because they're actually terrified of how big the baguette is. They're like, we can't get through. So they come up with this plan where they go, we're going to develop these panzer divisions, which are... Fast moving light tanks? Well, it's not actually that many about tanks. It's more about the motorbikes, the transport. It's mechanized warfare. Hell's Angels. It's Hell's Angels. Yeah. Which, again, this is all operating in the shadow of World War I where everyone just dug a hole and stood there. And everyone's assuming that it's going to be fought.

22:13That's what's going to happen again. But the Germans, what the Germans actually have invented, better than anyone, is radios. Yes. And so the reason that they can get in the motorbike or the little tank and bomb ahead is that they can then talk to their mate on via radio, whereas the French have got telegram cables. They've got baguettes in the earth. it's after lunch they don't discuss anything at lunch no no no they're eating exactly and then they've got they're still reliant on dispatch riders so people and they go hollow baguette and they shout down and that's the only way yeah and there's a guy hollow the baguette like this what are you saying and there's like two rolls and a bit of string I was amazed by how the Germans didn't even have that many motorised vehicles it's not actually that much yeah they didn't have that much gear less everything really the French are reliant on messages being conveyed by dispatch riders there's some cunt on a horse and he's French he's like oh I reckon you could eat that you know he's like trying to eat his horse so the message doesn't get across and what they realise is that if we were to use a panzer division to basically punch a hole really fast then they can establish through defences that are built for attritional warfare we can establish a spearhead and then the cunts with horses which is most of the German panzer divisions actually infantry they can catch us up and we can surround and all it's like penetrating from behind break through the rigid 442.

23:34And then, so they're going, well, how do we do this? Because they've got the big baguette, you've got the British Expeditionary Force by Belgium. We're not going to go through the pig forest because it would take three days and three nights of constant... There's pigs in there. I'm terrified of pigs. And there's trees. So you wouldn't be able to see the pigs from the trees. The longest orgasm in mammals is that of the domestic pig, which is on average 30 minutes, but it can last for as long as 90 minutes. So is it sort of British sitcom length? Or a 90s feature film. Or a football match. A football match.

24:05It can last 90 minutes. Yeah. It's like a short indie feature. Yeah. Right. Like the Ballad of Wallace, Ireland. Yeah, that's the length of a pig. A pig's just coming. Yeah. Pigs are really enjoying that film.

24:20Anyway. I thought it was good, but I would have enjoyed it a lot more if I was coming. If I was coming for 90 minutes, it'd be the best one I've ever seen. I mean, I find people eating popcorn at the cinema annoying. If there's a pig literally coming can you not do that christ can you come during the adverts and then stop anyway so this is this is my favorite bit right uh they're they're talking about how do we get from through the ardennes with the panzer divisions because we'd need to travel for three days and three nights yeah and then this is where they go have you heard about this thing called methamphetamine no i haven't no one has no well they're giving it to people they're giving amphetamines to people as vitamin injections to just be more focused and stuff biohacking they're biohacking in the 40s and so they realize that if you give the panzer division soldiers meth they don't have to sleep right and so that's how they go well we could go through the pig forest if we're all on meth so who gives a fuck i'm on meth i'm on meth everything's a big forest yeah everything's a pig forest when you're on meth so the german military then order with a german massive german pharmaceutical giant they they order millions of dosages of big farmer big farmer yeah big pig farmer pig farmer so uh there's a great book called blitzed which is a narcotic history of the third reich right uh which i've read yeah um goes without saying yeah call the guy call that their guy this guy called there's a historian called norman uhler who basically realized that historians had missed this entire aspect of the norman norman norway norway norman um absolutely brilliant book uh so what's the image choice because they could have gone so many different directions with the image and it's they've just got hitler like looking slightly yeah it's not even yeah subtle cover i think now uh there's great story as to what how hitler ends up uh on gear heil hitler gets ended up so norman erler in blitz has used a lot of primary sources of hitler's physicians okay um the nazi generals his dealers yeah yeah he's He found all the Nazi dealers.

26:46And so Hitler specifically, because everyone was like, oh, is he on drugs during the Berlin Olympics? No, no. Because he's clean living. He's Chris Williamson. He's Joe Rogan. He's like, my body's a temple. It's a Nazi temple. I'm vegetarian. I'm teetotal. Yeah. Then he has a problem with digestion and Hitler's farting a lot. Is he? Is Hitler's farting a lot in the late 30s? Blood! Like he's... Hitler's farting, right? right and he's like i really was undermining i'm an authoritarian yeah it's undermining his vibe

27:23yeah it does take away from the aura it takes away from the great

27:30brother yeah and we are the master the master what you can't even hold your bowels Everyone who is not white smells Yeah, that Danville scene is just him on the toilet What does Hitler's fart sound like, do you reckon? Are they like that? Or are they like I think they're more like

28:01I think they're more like a ranty fart Yeah, they're angry

28:09that's what it sounds like shit's hit the bowl

28:17he was a great orator of course devil-tongued arsehole hit the head anyway christ so he's farting a lot this is when charlie actually listens to the history yeah he was just as we start talking about facts he goes back on his check his whatsapp but then we're talking about that he was sitting out like this the holocaust now no hitler's farting why what hitler farts a lot i learned so much so hitler had a farty tummy in the 30s right so he goes he finds a new doctor called theo morel right uh and theo morel uh basically gives him probiotics which at this point is like mad revolutionary you know the idea of probiotics is very new yeah so hitler becomes like a sort of biohacking uh optimizing athletic greens kind of guy and germany are very forward looking right with a lot of their technology even their military things it's a lot about what's the newest how are we going to kind of innovate yes yeah yeah but also he is you know fascism health big big titted women yeah milk milk yeah oh nine you know you can't be farting after the yeah they're not going to be people talk about body positivity no get the fatties off magazine covers get them into documentaries again about how fat they are that's where they belong so he has this doctor called morale who starts curing with probiotics and then he you know morale is always like pushing the boundaries of medicine going well you should take vitamins which again is a new discovery yeah so he's injecting hitler with uh vitamin supplements which is like they're like fish oil yeah it becomes a euphemism for for speed later on in the 50s but at this point it's just vitamins then in 41 when they're doing operation barbarossa hitler gets russian flu which is a particularly bad, like a Russian salad is bad.

29:56It's pretty bad. Tinned. Tinned. Tinned, eggy. Anyway, but it's a really crucial military moment. There's like a military meeting he needs to be at because he wants people to, he wants to separate the invasion rather than just attack Moscow. Right, right. And so his doctor's like, well, I could sort you out and basically gives an injection of opioids. And then Hitler's like, fuck me, that's good. My headache's completely gone and I feel completely alert. Opioids aren't methamphetamines, are they? No, no. Okay, right. But Hitler was never on meth. Hitler was on opioids. Okay. So Hitler then gets hooked on opioids for the next like two years.

30:34Yeah. And then the whole reason he gets all shaky is because he withdraws and he's off them. And then he's just like eating chocolate and shit because he's trying to fill the... Right. So he's got his cravings. Yeah. He's got the munchies. It's like when he takes the glasses off, he's just like, you know, he's missing the opioids. So he took... Okay, fine. But he's not on speed because I guess he's not going through the forest. who's making the decision the troops are on speed that high is quite different to methamphetamine it's ecstasy is it's ex i think they're all that's an amphetamine there's lots of different they're all within the family but in general i think what it does is there's a chemical and it's all about the shape of the thing locks in causes um your brain to be flooded with dopamine yeah and then not let back in or something right so it's like it's it it's just stays there the sadness in yeah so normally dopamine kind of goes in and out yeah but it basically just charges it all out and doesn't let it back in so it's just fizzing around in your head yeah but this is interesting that so this is not ecstasy because it's not like i just fucking love you oh mate they'd be like hugging pigs because it's more cokey this because coke is like i'm gonna fucking take over business yeah but ecstasy is like we should just fucking invade france the fucking forest i'm gonna go for that pig forest fuck it fuck it do you think he hit on ecstasy do you think he'd have gone harder or do you think he'd have no no on ecstasy i think if it was the first time he'd come up next to me you go up to an orthodox gym be like fuck do you know what no mate i'm not do you know what mate i fucking love what you do with your hair i love it i love that hat it looks great on you it's really good man i want that hat i want that it's the come down it feels so it feels so soft kills them all why is it so soft that hat here in the morning kills them all all of them kills more burns the hats so anyway uh this guy norman earler this historian he basically he he he frames the blitzkrieg as meth versus red wine because he says so is it quite a funny book or is it quite serious history well what i can't work out is whether it's like because he's using primary sources you know it's several reasons why the germans are so successful right but it's not all meth but at the same time that initial ardenne surge could not happen without amphetamines.

32:43Right. So Eric Hosbourne's saying it's a story of factories. Yeah, this cunt's saying it's a story of fucking gear. It's gear versus red wine. The French are drinking red wine, which they are. Slows you down. Slows you down, sleepy. You got red wine drunk? Yeah. What's your red wine drunk? What do you get? What type of drunk are you on red wine? Oh, sleepy. Sleepy, yeah. I fall asleep. Yeah. Which is what the French are doing. Yeah. I'm not an amphetamine drunk. Yeah, it's all around your mouth. It's all claggy, your teeth. So this level of efficiency means the Germans can cover 120 miles in five days.

33:16Right. And, you know, to look forward to it, basically the Blitzkrieg is the German main weapon, but it's sort of their downfall in that when you're faced with Russia, which just has unlimited men. Yes. Your advance gets overstretched and you get... But also why they've had to develop the Blitzkrieg is a necessity. And it's part of the Treaty of Versailles, which basically meant they weren't allowed to build up these huge tank divisions. so they had to find ways to basically be far more manoeuvrable because they couldn't build up in the same way the French have. They couldn't just have two forces going at once.

33:46That's why they had to just choose one spot and really focus on things like motorbikes, which I don't imagine were accounted for in the Treaty of Versailles, which says a limited amount of tanks, planes, all that sort of stuff. I imagine they're allowed unlimited motorcycles. Yeah, and also unlimited meth. Yes. It's like that loophole in the Quran. Yeah, exactly. You can't drink. Can I have meth? yeah i don't know it didn't exist when i was so may the 10th this is when the fucking stag gets going go on it's 6 a.m right we're atst pancras we've got our passports where are we going belgium oh oh fuck yeah yeah right let's get some tins living la leffa loca okay.

34:33Adolf, sorry. Blood, bloop.

34:40So, 10th of May, the same day, Churchill, who at this point does not have a broken bum. Hitler's bum is broken, it seems. He's farting a lot. Churchill's not drinking red wine, he's doing whiskey for breakfast. He's whiskey for breakfast. Yeah. So, imagine how angry you would be having whiskey for fucking breakfast. So it's red wine versus meth versus whiskey. Yeah, that's essentially the allies are whiskey and wine versus the german and we're waiting for american rye whiskey to come into bourbon to come into the save us all good but then bourbon's fighting rice wine i mean it's terrifying luxembourg surrenders on the same day as the invasion obviously it's literally a doormat um it's a doormat into a doormat what is luxembourg i don't know who cares livid when they people correct me and say no it's actually luxembourg no it's not no it's not it's france yeah what are you doing so differently that you can't be part of France yeah using deodorant I doubt it Cuxenberg Cuxenberg it's pretty good Cuxenberg's pretty good yeah so they roll over immediately the Netherlands surrender in five days the Dutch royal family go to London right so at this point the what the we'll get a we'll get a military map up but the Germans have just shot through the Ardenne forest the pig forest it's gone right through me that that's gone right through me that stuff and these two French blokes with a carafe of wine like fuck yeah and then everyone is in the big stick of baguette yeah it's a vindaloo so what is so funny about this is that the French build the state of the art defences never the Leica which never been seen before and they leave one gap and the Germans go we'll just go through there then we probably should have plugged that gap I reckon we should have just not had a gap yeah you ever thought about that it's very satisfying because you can you don't need to know anything about military history or anything to realise they should have just plugged back they left a window open and the Germans came in through the window It's just like a long wall and you just didn't do it all the way.