Nazis Are No Match For Knobbly Knees | Monty vs Rommel (Part 1/4)

0:00Fall has never looked or tasted this good. Sweetgreens fall harvest menu is back with seasonal favorites dressed to impress and made to be devoured. Warm roasted sweet potatoes, crisp apples, maple glazed Brussels, and crave-worthy flavors in the autumn harvest bowl, maple glazed salmon plate, and roasted bacon Brussels side. The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring fall's best dressed. Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app. This Labor Day at Lowe's. Get up to 45 % off select major appliances. plus deals on select materials and tools to keep the job moving right now get a free dewalt 20 volt max battery two-pack when you buy a select dewalt 20 volt max tool at lowes we have what you need to keep your job moving valid through 913 while supplies last selection varies by location see lows.com for more details on september 25th Me, me, me!

1:03No one's coming for us. It's just you and me, boy. 58 miles. Heart of the Beast is the must-see adventure of the year. An incredible story of survival. I got you. One of the most extraordinary on-screen bonds you'll ever see. Only the greatest dog to ever walk the Earth. Brad Pitt. I'll get you home. Heart of the Beast. Pauline Theater, September 25th. Rated PG-13. May be inappropriate for children under 13.

1:42welcome back to fin versus history i'm joined by horatio gould and we're back in world war ii we're in the desert it's happening lads the knees are out the knees are out i'm getting brutally tan mugged you are getting you're getting just come back from tenerife i've been in the desert and then you've decided that we're going to wear shorts and he humiliated me you're being skin mogged completely i mean i look white the best of times but i chose my podcast partners on their whiteness and now you've gone and tanned yourself turns out turns out i've got some uh got some heritage it turns out this is absolutely humiliating and also i've got tiny knees and you've got big knees and then i've got a big head and you've got a small so it's like a weird combination well but this is the beauty standards of of most of the most of history is a small head big thighs because you want a head that you can your head's too big to be to drown in a man's thighs yeah or a woman's thighs right okay and my head's the perfect size okay to fit in perfectly yeah to be cracked like a walnut in between a woman's thighs yeah but then also another fin taylor could fit perfectly with the jeans i could tessellate with myself whereas my massive head is not going to be crushed by these knees your thighs aren't going to take the edge of your fucking massive what's a man meant to do with thighs like that but also you're more historically accurate in that you've you've got the british knobbly knees you look like you look like i've got a patriot's knees i don't know what's going on you've got you've got some not today fucking knees going on i do i've just come back from the western sahara yeah tenerife but it was close to the um yes well i suppose it's before and after isn't it you're you're monty before yeah and uh this is monday world war one this is monday world war two today we're talking about monty and rommel it's the start of an epic four-part series it's a homoerotic love affair it is it's i'd say this now we're monty and rommel the north african desert is my favorite part of world war two this is basically all of us strangers you know that the film with um andrew scott and paul mescal I've not seen it I've not seen it no you can you can assume there's two Irish guys fucking right you can is that what Monty and Rommel's in basically yeah that's why I got out of the research that's not why I like it Monty and Rommel the North African desert they're not two Irish blokes fucking that's not what this is that's the opposite conservative dad at a barbecue getting triggered this is what I'm wearing as well as the barbecue no it's not that actually they're not fucking you're dressed like my dad on some early holidays in the 90s because this is what i love about the north african desert campaign it is the highlight the high point of big shorts yes this is where big shorts beats the nazis it's true it's not something that happens again no i guess big shorts have been a mainstay of the british empire yes but they've normally been mowing down indigenous people with a gatling gun well well so which is Your words.

4:37You know, they've been bravely fighting off insurgents. Yeah, so I guess this is the highlight. They've not been blowing down citizens. This is the highlight of Big Shorts because it's up against another foe that's kind of equal measure. This is like Scouts. You know, this is the high point of brownies, of Scouts fighting Nazis in the desert. The Nazis are on meth and it's sober men in Big Shorts who are saying no. Would you say arguably underrated theatres of the war uncovered like i don't know if it's in the popular imagination that much north africa when it's one of our big thing we've got dunkirk yeah you've got normandy you've got d-day no but this is the this is the only time in the war where the britons actually win without the americans yeah and it's also the high point i guess that's why no one else talks about it exactly yeah and the americans also when they land uh in 1943 they make everything that monty does completely irrelevant yeah and they just didn't need to happen yeah so i guess this is a semi-irrelevant theater in a way it's not irrelevant no it's not irrelevant it's relevant for morale but it's like the the russians aren't saying thank god monty won in el alamein no they're not they're right they fucking saved us yes maybe no this is the most important in big shorts this is the most important part of world war ii is the north african desert okay libya is the key front Libya cannot fall.

6:00Libyan desert must remain in British hands. Yes. Now, we're going to be dealing with Monty and Rommel. What's great about this theatre of war is that it is, firstly, it's the most gentlemanly part of World War II. There are no war crimes. No, you're right. There's no Einsatzgruppen. Yeah. There's no Holocaust. There's a couple of Bedouins who get blown up by field mines. Get out of the kitchen. and he can't stand the heat. Do you know what I mean? It's like I grew up in the kitchen. Get out. Get the fuck off. It's not a kitchen, it's a desert. Take your pyjamas off and put some big shorts on like a man.

6:36All right? It's true. It's the most gentlemanly theatre of conduct. It is genuinely an end-to-end ding-dong for the neutral, of which I'm one. It's the closest World War II gets to football, I think. Yes, it is. Because it's across a pitch, it's expansive, and it's managerial styles. Yes, it is. It's sort of Luis Enrique's PSG versus Arteta's arsenal. I'd say it's closer to Cruyff versus Mourinho. Yeah. It's like Pep versus Mourinho. It's like the most stark iterations. Studying this, we'll get onto it. It is so similar to football. Yes. It's like creating overloads. Going right in behind, beating an offside trap.

7:15Yeah. It's desert warfare. It's the high point of World War II for the Brits, I'd say. And in Monty and Rommel, you have these two personalities who kind of embody styles of warfare and cultures. Although, interestingly, Rommel is not a card-carrying Nazi. Is he not? No, he's a sort of German military man who kind of, he's there all the way, he's in the military before he's in the Nazis. Well, there's a lot of revisionism about Rommel, where he's like, he was kind of a good bloke or something. It was like he was still... Yes, which I disagree with, because he was not a Nazi. so there's always like yeah but he was you know he didn't really he just he just loved tanks no it's like a high one of the most important generals and nazi commander was like you know but he didn't his heart wasn't in it i think his heart was pretty in it what's the badge on his hat what's the badge badge on his hat say there's been less nazi people than that's true it's not the grand scheme of all people who ever to have lived romwell is still one of the most nazi people that's ever been um but uh we're gonna get it's a it's the start of a four-part series an epic world war ii summer yeah the knees are out for a couple of weeks get the knees out we're gonna be joined this is the can can this is this is straight male can can we're gonna be joined in part three and four by pierre novelli finally we're gonna get blown out of the water autism wise our autism and also our legs will be blown out the water we'll never look more or less autistic than we're Noveli's here.

8:42He's going to be like, fuck, we really don't have any of that. We don't know what's going on. Turns out. Also, yeah, is he going to have his legs out? I don't know yet. Because if I'm getting knee-mogged now by you... I'm going to get knee-mogged by him. Noveli. These knees are like, these are top-tier knees. I think Pierre Noveli might be the only man who could drown your head in his thighs. An unstoppable force. An unstoppable force. It's unmovable. Sign up to the Patreon to see that happen. Pierre will sit on Horatio's face and smother him with his... I mean, I think maybe both of my thighs equal one of his thighs.

9:15Yeah, it's pretty extraordinary. People always comment on my thigh gigantism. You don't... You haven't seen anything. You haven't seen nothing yet. All right. Thigh Thanos will join us in part three, part four. So in this part, we're going to deal with Monty and Rommel's early lives. Now let's start with Monty. Bernard Law Montgomery. He's as kind of a British man as it gets, isn't it, this guy? Bernard Law Montgomery. Monte. He's born in 1887. Let's just place that for the listeners. Right, so this is, fuck, this is before, just before Jack the Ripper. And he is born after, he's born, thank you, Charlie, what have you found?

9:58He's born after the first kipper. The first kipper was created in 1843. Created? So what is a kipper? It's a smoked herring. It was before Jack the Ripper, it was after, it um first kipper uh john would just kipper john would you created the famous delicacy is it a delicacy of kipper yeah my parents and grandparents are absolutely hammering kippers hammering hammering them you went to hammer delicacies like seals what is it charlie i love kipper yeah i have them with uh with my eggs you're a smoked fish guy i am yeah i had smoked fish uh i pickled herring with my eggs on holiday and i could probably i did i did it once and i thought i'll go back to bacon actually do you know what i mean in tanneries yeah all inclusive buffet because there's a lot of germans there so there's a lot of smoked fish going on right right right was it nice to have a proper breather yes it was but we're back at work now charlie um fall has never looked or tasted this good sweet greens fall harvest menu is back with seasonal favorites dressed to impress and made to be devoured warm roasted sweet potatoes crisp apples maple glazed brussels and crave worthy flavors in the autumn harvest bowl, maple glazed salmon plate, and roasted bacon brussel side.

11:11The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring fall's best dressed. Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app. This Labor Day at Lowe's. Get up to 45 % off select major appliances. Plus, deals on select materials and tools to keep the job moving. Right now, get a free DeWalt 20-volt max battery two-pack when you buy a select dewalt 20 volt max tool at lowes we have what you need to keep your job moving valid through 913 while supplies last selection varies by location see lowes.com for more details so uh monty is born uh before jack the ripper after john woodger's kipper yeah um that's pretty lovely it's lovely stuff that uh he's the fourth of nine children his dad Henry Montgomery he had met his mother Maud when he was 30 and she was 11

12:10the actual it needs to be a little bit more playful like the angry dog I don't think it does need to sorry when she's 11 I'm not sure it is playful

12:23he proposes to her sorry sorry I just want to get this out before we go to what Charlie's found he proposes to her when he's 32 and she's 14. Now you are... Now you're... Romance is not dead. You're 30? You're 38? I'm 29. Can you imagine proposing to a 14-year-old? Can you imagine the... Give me a second. Just... What are you... How are you... The cognitive dissonance of trying that. How would you do it? Give them some millions. Box of nerds. Box of... Proposing to a 14-year-old. Yeah, I don't know what you... I guess they make them insecure and then like... Well, no, no. They don't need to neg them.

13:04They don't need to assault them, Charlie. Do I give them body image issues? I guess so, yeah. And say, you'll never find anyone else but me. Yeah, maybe. At that age, we mean this because of how vulnerable they are. Yeah. What have you found for us, Charlie? Somali man aged 112, marries a girl of 17. Those are pretty good numbers. That's quite a small age gap for the Somalis, I think. That's five years. He's old enough to be her great, great grandfather, but Ahmed Mohamed Dore claims that it's a dream. and he already has 13 kids by five wives. And what's interesting is that... This is a dream.

13:33This is a dream come true. What's interesting is that this is in The Guardian and they're not making any judgments about it. But also when it's that much, it ceases to become like an icky age gap. Do you know what I mean? Because it's like... Fair play. It's sort of past being... It's something else now. It's transcended the creepiness. There's also a 105-year-old Malaysian man, Sudha Amato, who married a 22-year-old in September. This is nice. We're moving on from the fatter's baby. We have done all the fatter's babies. We're finding out the pervious guys, the biggest age gap. Astonishing. This episode is sponsored by Surfshark.

14:02Oh my God. I love Surfshark. They are our most loyal sponsor. Yes. We can do nothing to lose them. They're a VPN. Vagina Pussy Network. They're a Vagina Pussy Network for you basement dwellers who want to - Viral Pedophile Network. Viral Pedophile Network. There are many things. They will enable you to access whatever disgusting content you'd like to in the comfort of your own command center. how many screens have you got? They are your mother's basement, but it's your command center. When she's gone shopping. When she's gone shopping, it's your command center. How many screens do you have down there?

14:38How big is the chair? How big is your neck support? Do you have a slushing machine down there that you stole from a regional cineplex? How hard is it for you to save when you spend it all on katanas? Do you 3D print your own swords, your own throwing stars? If you're struggling to do all this, Surfshark can help. Wow. I don't know. I still don't know what Surfshark is. I do actually use a VPN. I use Surfshark. Do you? Yeah. Well, please tell me. And it's great. I was just on holiday. I tell Surfshark, I say, tell the internet I'm in Britain. And it believes you. And it believes me. I can be a patriot away from home.

15:10Can I be in my shed, outdoor in my shed, and I set my find my friends down the road so my wife doesn't know I'm in the shed, but she won't bother me. Can I do that? I don't know if that's how VPNs work. When you change your VPN, it doesn't mean that your find my friends just zooms into like India or something. I would love that. Can you scramble my wife's find my friends without me turning it off. If Surfshark can unlock that, they've got my full support. That's what Surfshark does. It means that you can get past block content. Now I set my VPN to Moscow. What's Russia Today saying? You need a VPN, a Venal Piles Network.

15:42I want to look at pictures of people's piles. Yes. I want to look at pictures of celebrities' piles. Is that a crime? It's not. Is it unwise? Definitely. It's unwise, but it's not illegal. VPN, very pooey Nigel. Very pooey Nigel. You know, you need one in your life. Secure your digital life with Surfshark's very pooey Nigel. Risk-free. It's not risk-free. We must reiterate this. Surfshark do not take any liability for what you Google and nor do we. My God. You can go to surfshark.com slash FVH. You know it. Say it with me. Check into the Foxtrot Vagina Hotel. Click the link and you get four extra months of Surfshark.

16:22Do not let the online threat catch you off guard. So, yeah, Monty has a fairly brutal childhood. His dad's a religious man and becomes Bishop of Tasmania. Aww. They all moved to Australia, and his mum, Maud, is an absolute cunt. Sure. She beats the kids because she does not want them to speak with an Australian accent, which I think is absolutely fair enough. You've got to be careful. You know, we're talking about Bernard Montgomery. We're not talking about, oh, Monty, oh. This is sort of like Whack and Oz sort of thing. Like as soon as it pops up, and he's like, aww, aww, aww, ma 'am, shut up.

17:00Yeah. So he goes back to London when he's 13. He's nicknamed Monkey at school because he's mischievous. Monkey! And in 1908, he is appointed to his first role in the army, the Royal Warwick's first battalion. He's posted to Peshawar in India. Is that where the Peshawar Naan comes from? Must be where the Peshawar Naan comes from. So I imagine it's quite a fruity place. sure Peshwari naan is my naan of choice if anyone's ordering me a curry it's like a pudding it's like cake yeah can I have some cake with my curry so he goes to Peshwari and again this is what we'll learn throughout this series is that their personalities they really do have an impact on the on the actual conflict 100 % and that's what's so interesting about the commanders during World War 2 is it's like literally your Myers-Briggs test personality shapes the theatres of war so many people's lives so what does that mean about um hitler what we're saying about what hitler's what do you mean what you're saying about hitler well you're saying his personality shaped the war i'd say so well i'd say there was a lot of ideas going yeah sure i think yeah there's definitely some temperament um that maybe shaped the the first stage of the war potentially possibly possibly uh it's too early to tell i think it's way too early now monty goes to to india uh and again this is you know we're in india this sounds like a fucking a film that i'd watch again again he now he you know this is the high point of the empire this is you know he's putting on big shorts the first time born in the late 1880s so he is literally born at the height of british supremacy they think that it'll never end he's born in surrey as well so it's like he's right at the heart of the heart of the big empire at that time so he is like the most british man best time and place ever yeah but he does live till the 80s so he's 70s i think yeah he's the longest living of all of them so he does get to see it all go to shit yes he does yeah but he he's been sold that it's going to carry on forever and he well yeah he arguably he saves it in many ways sure because this is the most important part of world war ii yeah um so he struggles to fit in with his battalion socially, which is sad.

19:14And this is, you know, this is in sort of Edwardian Britain, probably the most autistic time that there's been. Maybe Victorian. I think Victorian more autistic. Edwardian gets frayed, yeah. It does. But, you know, it's still by today's standards. Sure. And yet he is, historians think he almost definitely had Asperger's, which makes Piano Belli's appearance even more relevant. Yeah, of course. Even in an autistic time, He was too autistic for that time. He stuck out. So he didn't drink. He didn't share banter. He liked getting his big knees out. He kept the banter to himself. Banter to himself.

19:51You've got to be sharing the banter. No, no. That's my banter. That's my banter. My banter, please. Get your own fucking banter. I'm going to have banter with myself in a dark room. In an attempt to integrate with his peers, he had both of his forearms tattooed, which he then later became very ashamed of and hid. Okay. so he's so my point is that both monty and romola professional soldiers which is quite uh rare when we think about world war one and two and then we think about conscription and the heroes are all conscripted but uh in world war one uh they're both professional oh really would you say that most a lot of the other big commanders are no no not the commanders i think when world war one the actual fighting force that's professional is minuscule compared to you mean everyone fought of the war but he was already there exactly he's fucking he's up for it they're up for it these two right the world one was just completely normal it's just completely what he expected yes he was he signed up he was already there yeah he was already in a trench in the song yeah and then everyone just else had joined him yeah what are you doing here i'm collecting bugs in my big shorts um so uh he's uh in india uh but he's in he's in the army and uh he's that's the best way to cope with his bitch mother sure um rommel johannes erwin eugene rommel that's a german name that's a lovely name he's born in 1891 uh two years after hitler uh and he is born in heidenheim and brentz and this is you know you this is what 15 years 20 years after germany's become a country um uh he's not intellectual but he's very sporty yes similar to monty he's a man of action he's not man of thinking he's not a man of thinking yeah uh he's impulsive gets after it he this guy loves it yeah he loves he loves drugs he loves pints he loves tail yeah yeah yeah he's the opposite of monty uh monty likes to get his knees out then go to bed at 9 30 as you said it's autism versus adhd this is clear adhd as you've ever seen yes so he won't let anyone finish the sentence i get it i get it yeah yeah let's just go okay okay um so age 18 he gets accepted into the 124th Württemberg Infantry Regiment.

21:58Calm down, ladies. Ladies, calm down. It's a very important part in anyone's life. Yeah. When they are accepted into the Württemberg Infantry Regiment. Okay? It's like the... It's a coming base. It's like a bar mitzvah. The wasp bar mitzvah is when you're accepted into the 124th Württembergs. Now, he... Now, what's interesting about the German Wehrmacht at this point, if you can call them that, the army... If you can even call them that. If you can call them the Wehrmacht in 19... Fucking 1910. They didn't even call you them the Wehrmacht. Can't say that these days. Can't go about these days. They are, so there's two very different schools of thought with the military in that the Brits think regimented command, bureaucracy, chain of commands.

22:39Because they've had to maintain a vast empire using a relatively small amount of people. So it's all about order. It's also about stuff that you can apply globally to loads of different, you should be able to read a booklet that explains you how to run a colony. It's scouts. Yeah. Tell him off if he looks like this. Fuck off. You know, have you got your race war badge yes i have yes how big are your shorts i would i will defer to the man with the bigger shorts yeah so it's actually very clear whereas the germans are they're that imperial insecurity because they haven't had a massive colonial empire they're a new country so they they're kind of got a blank slate yes they're a modern force but also they they think that war is chaos and that you capitalize the fucking north fucking yeah they've got the spirit of Woden.

23:26So they think war is chaos and you capitalise on that chaos by giving individuals on the ground freedom to make decisions. This is Jürgen Klopp. He's a German. Well, yeah. This is the long road to the Gagin press. From an early age, he is getting used to the idea of an individualised command and a sort of improvisational warfare, which is quite rare at this time. Improv. So he's into improv. he's yes anding and by yes anding i mean he's bayoneting uh italians okay straight improv that's the kind of improv that i like i like improv yeah i like improv he's talking about rommel's um use of the panzer division oh you're talking about um five nonces in the basement in the Edinburgh fridge oh no i don't want to go and say that sorry i'd like to see improv in the north african desert in the 40s anyway so um now rommel falls in love with a woman called lucy Mollen in the summer of 1911.

24:22Come on, let's have a look. Oh dear. She looks nice. You don't know what, you had to see her back in the day. Yeah. She looks a bit like Miriam. Your massive crush. Yeah. No, she looks like a colder Miriam Margulies. She's not, she's not hiding any Jews in her attic. Put it that way. She's got a cold face. If you know what I mean. If you know what I mean. What she won't put out. Never heard it called that before. Yeah, a bit of a prude, she's not hiding any due in her attic.

24:53So she, okay, no, better there, better there. But it's got that hair where you can be in your early 20s and you have like sort of six-year-old woman hair. no one looks that fuckable in the 1910s. You know? Because the racial science is so good, but the women are so ugly. It's such a... Help, this makes sense. The ideas make sense, but then the evidence is so... You know, no women did not shave their pubic hair during World War I in fact removing body hair was not a common practice for women at all I could have told you that Charlie it's the 70s and the 80s it's a reaction against the 70s bush if we're tracking it's reactionary shaving your pubes is reactionary it's daily male stuff okay it's male online filth right because the 70s is the height of the bush okay is it the height of the bush really yes history has been going in a straight line upwards with women's pubic hair or is it the stylized bush because you're saying, this is saying before, no one's shaving it.

25:53It's not stylized down there. The problem is the 70s is when the porn starts and you see the angles that you'd never seen before and you think, that looks like a dead dog down there. You've got to do something about that, ladies. And then you get the 80s, which they just overcorrect and they just start getting rid of all of it. That looks mad. It's crazy. Crazy. It's crazy. It's extremist. Terrorism. it's genital terrorism it's genital mutilation yes do you and Amanda shave each other's pums okay well let's carry on let's move on each other's pums what's 69 shaving sorry what's my pums is that my arse your bottom yeah right no anyway so he falls in love with Lucy Moline but they don't wed because he's busy with the army so he goes back to his umit and then he has a bastard baby with a woman called Gertrude right No, Gertrude is the name of the kid.

26:49What's the woman called? Valburger. Her name is Valburger. Stemmer. Keir Stemmer. Keir Stemmer. Her name is Valburger. Right. Gorgeous name. Oh, beautiful. Beautiful German name. Valburger. Valburger. Yeah. Irwin and Valburger start a whirlwind romance. Of course. And they had a bastard baby called Gertrude. um now uh lou uh he then goes back to uh lucy mullin and marries her uh and val burger kills which you know is obviously sad yeah val burger didn't kill herself but i think if your parents are calling you val burger i think there's only one i think you really snooker i'm gonna leave this gun on the table you know what to do when you turn 18 you you can't you cannot live a life called Valburger.

27:44Valburger. Awful. Art the Valburger, please. She dies quite young, I guess. So it's sort of, it's in and out, Burger. Yeah. Anyway. But Gertrude and Ronvald maintaining a good relationship throughout their lives, which is nice. That's lovely. So his bastard daughter. Now, they both fight in World War I, Monty and Ronvald. Now, Monty is deployed to France in August 1914. and the book I read about this there's a story of his first sort of supposedly what he does right in combat is he runs in with a sword he trips over and falls over with his sword there's another story that he gets a medal for it well there's another story that he essentially likes they're charging and he scissor kicks like a German and stabs him and then everyone's like yeah I don't know if that's true if this guy this guy with knobbly knees just runs out and then fucking he got to canio is a german um but i mean with all these stories there's no var there's no yeah it is all oh i just went down that hill and like fucking killed like you should have seen me yeah and i like i had no weapons they had loads of guns but i had the kung fu and i'd like matrix down she goes to a different school yeah it's like it's all that like i didn't know any of that supposedly his first charge at lakato uh he charges uh he falls over by the time he's he He stands up.

29:02Everyone's dead. So, yeah, well, is that the one where he, um, gets shot in the lung? No, that's slightly later. So that's in October at Meta then. He gets, um, shot in the right lung. The script says shit. A German shits in his lung. And that's not cricket. How is, how does that happen? The dyslexia of our researcher is spreading profound disinformation about a national hero. There's enough disinformation on this podcast already. A lot of guys wearing Star Wars t-shirts saying, did you know that Monty actually had a shoot in his way did you know that in World War I actually the Germans would shit in our commander's lungs did you know that I don't even want to conceptualise that what does it say in AIO review yes it's possible though very rare this serious condition usually happens in specific specific emergency situations rather than from inhaling particles airborne particles meconium aspiration syndrome aspiration it's not very aspirational fucking guzzling shit this is anal rail gun.

30:00I don't want to see this. It makes more a butt plug to an MRI machine and unbeknownst to them it contains some type of ferromagnetic metal and it kind of flew up into their lung. Okay, I don't need to see it. And it's called an ale rail gun. No, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck me. There's an X-ray of a butt plug. Speed of sound. A concord up your arm. The greatest personal injury case you'd ever heard. A butt plug which was advertised as 100 % silicone but it had a metallic core and it accelerated at the speed of sound into the client's chest cavity. Does he do it? No, he survived with major injuries.

30:34Major injuries. Right. I mean... So be careful if you're... I do just want to say, if you're going to an MRI with a butt plug, I think you deserve whatever you get. It's like having a Caesarian because you've had such a bad... Because you need a shit. I mean, guys, just... Can you fucking leave it at the door? For once, you take a day off. You're going for an MRI. How regularly are you wearing butt plugs that you forget to take it out? Or just like... phone wallet keys fuck my oh my butt plug's still in yep great it's an mri it's serious you know take it fucking take a day off mate right so yeah you get a fucking gaddafi done an mri because you've left a butt plug i think you get you deserve it frankly anyway i can't stress enough how that's not what happens to burn at montgomery in world war one he is short in the lung his world experiences are all pretty funny they're all kind of like bernie hill clowny moments none of them are that heroic they're always just him slipping and that's what's terrible world war one is that it is just calamity yeah in that there's no heroic because it's all just blokes you're running running and then getting shot so he's shot in the right lung all of the war heroes are the people who just managed to slip at the right time by chance basically so in this instance he's shot in the right lung dead bodies fall over him he survives uh he weekend at Bernie's right yeah basically and then British forces um try and um they they think he's dead and then they hear this and then they basically someone is lying on him on top of him for hours being riddled with bullets yeah because he's just taking it see that he's alive and it's just fucking yeah and he just takes it he gets shot again in the knee by the way when they're railing bullets down he still gets he's shot get shot twice and his butt plug goes through I mean, this guy is the sniper puts me in an MRI and he's like, oh, great.

32:23No, wait. Fall has never looked or tasted this good. Sweet Greens fall harvest menu is back with seasonal favorites dressed to impress and made to be devoured. Warm roasted sweet potatoes, crisp apples, maple glazed Brussels and crave worthy flavors in the autumn harvest bowl, maple glazed salmon plate and roasted bacon Brussels side. the season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring fall's best dressed. Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app. This Labor Day at Lowe's, get up to 45 % off select major appliances. Plus, deals on select materials and tools to keep the job moving.

33:07Right now, get a free DeWalt 20-volt max battery 2-pack when you buy a select DeWalt 20-volt max tool. At Lowe's, we have what you need to keep your job moving. Battle through 913. All supplies last. Selection varies by location. See Lowe's.com for more details.

33:25On September 25th. Me, me, me. No one's coming for us. It's just you and me, boy. 58 miles. Part of the Beast is the must-see adventure of the year. An incredible story of survival. I got you. One of the most extraordinary on-screen bonds you'll ever see. Only the greatest dog to ever walk the earth. Oh, no! Brad Pitt. I'll get you home. Heart of the Beast. Pauline Theatre, September 25th. Rated PG-13. Maybe inappropriate for children under 13. Anyway, so then, this is so funny, he goes to recover. He thinks, right, well, that's the worst it's going to get. And he rejoins just in time for the Somme.

34:06I mean, this is what I'm talking about World War I. So my great granddad fought in - That's nice. Rejoins just in time for the SOM. Oh, phew. I wouldn't have wanted to have SOM FOMO. My great granddad, this is what's brutal about World War I, is that he, so he got shell-shocked at Gallipoli, wrote a book about it, absolutely fucked, Gallipoli. Went home, recovered, comes back, brilliant, SOM. Hates it, obviously, bad time. Goes home, recovers, comes back, Ypres. I mean, it's like, can the guy not catch a break? Did he fight in Ypres? I think he went to Ypres. I think it was mainly done by the time it was - Yeah.

34:37What was it? the 20s that's the 20s by that point you know Spanish flu anyway so what he realizes at the Somme in particular is that because he's a courier from the front lines to the generals is that these generals are nowhere near the front and he's he's like this isn't working this chain of commands with the men and big swords which is a difference with Germans to British it's right yeah the British there's a lot more the class system it's a lot more hierarchy whereas the German commanders are much more well they're not at this point but Rommel is So this is where Rommel starts to come into his own.

35:09So Rommel, he's a platoon commander in the 27th Division who fights in France and also Romania and Italy. Which is a theatre of the war that doesn't get talked about much as well. So is this Northern Italy? Is this sort of like a southern front? Yeah, because Italy joined the war quite late and then Romania did something very funny. So because it's Austro-Hungary, so all these countries border Austro-Hungary, which is actually... Yeah, and it's where the war started. If you get that, it's actually where... So Romania joined the war quite late on the side, they're fighting Austria-Hungary in order to try and get territory from them.