No Bacon, No Beer, Loads and Loads of Gear | Dionysus & The Ancient Gods of Wine

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1:28Welcome back to Finn vs. History. Next to me is Horatio Gould. Read, read, whine. Today we're talking about wine. That's not the noise that your wife makes when you ask to put this podcast on in the car. That's whinge. That's not the history of whinging. It's not right whinge or white whinge. No. White whinge is definitely both of our significant others. Yes. We will be doing the suffragettes at some point. But not today. Not today. and then red wind we will be doing the genocide of the network yep and uh won't stop complaining about it red wind what about fizzy wind what's that i don't know what gay rights yeah that's the aids crisis orange wind is uh i guess is that like uh the boxing day tsunami holiday makers yeah i suppose that was a big yeah was it um blush skins yeah natural whinge anyway listen um that's all to come lots to look forward to but this is the history of wine are you a wine drinker yeah obviously i'm a wine drinker do you wine ponder club uh sorry do you want i don't drink i don't drink tonic wine no no but you do you know what whining you know what whining is you know i know whining is yeah explain to basically rub you're rubbing your bottom against the person behind you so nothing hill carnival you dirty dirty dirty poo it's working it doesn't have to be dirty it doesn't have to be a dutty it can actually be right what a clean a clean wine you know nottinghill carnival you know when they're aware of it yeah are you are you playing nottinghill carnival this year i'm not i haven't got that call no not got the call yet still waiting by the phone to be asked to do nottinghill carnival this is my accent this is a disgrace it'd be quite funny to me get me up in my accents yeah so when you want you wine it's like you're twerking it's when a woman twerks on a man's knob yeah sort of it's twerking basically yeah it's twerking but to music yeah yeah and you can do it at any sort of function you could do it at a wedding or any function yeah i'd refute that i've been to several functions where i don't think wine pondercock no yeah one pondercock i mean this weekend you were at glastonbury yeah it was my daughter's fourth birthday party uh there was no whining bonder cock there yeah um although mandy pills there's someone going around with a bucket hat saying mandy pills the toilets would have been quite similar i imagine um and then also weirdly the princess entertainment that we we bought at one point started chanting um death to the idf really yeah it was quite weird it's weird that she said that elsa from frozen virulently virulently anti-israel anyway today is the history of wine uh this episode we will be dealing with wine's ancient origins terrifying we will be going back further than we've ever gone how long have there been uh drunk wine mums yeah laying it all out this is interesting saying too much about your cousins and now next episode the actual father is next episode is we will be with um the gayest straight man i know yeah tom gilby so posh he's gay so posh he's gay yeah he will be coming in to fruit the studio up give it a woman's touch he's a fruit he's a fruit and he loves cement he loves cemented fruit um he'll be in to talk about wine the last 500 years um one of the i think probably still one of the the audience's favorite for us the internet guests and it's the closest we're going to be to a female guest will be yeah exactly a male sommelier we've had daniel sloss that was pushing it a lot um gilby will be in to talk about the last 500 years of wine in prison he'd do he'd do very well or very badly depending on he'd be everyone's prison um fruit i mean you'd probably be making prison wine prison wine's a thing isn't it what is true what is why don't you make you brew it in the toilet i would be giving up on wine i'd go for other beverages if i was in prison I just drink water, I think.

5:21I think that's part of the punishment, isn't it? I think you stop fighting against the dying of the light. Brewing wine in toilets. I think it's called hooch. They make hooch. Yeah. I don't know. They talk about... They must discuss good batches, bad batches. Oh, no, no. No, look. It's a process called pruno, which is a type of homemade fruit wine. Yeah. Often when I'm drinking alcoholic beverages that are based on fruit, I try to forget that they're made of fruit because you don't want to remember that it's just fruit juice, right? You're trying to elevate it. For me, it's the toilet that's the issue here.

5:47I don't mind that it's fruit. For me, it's the brood, not just any toilet, a prison toilet. And I think - Well, it's flushed beforehand, right? You'd hope so. But again, these people are criminals. They don't follow society's laws. So who knows how they're using a toilet? What's it called? A never-ending stew? What's the never-ending stew? What are those casserole dishes called in Jamaican communities? They have these, like a clay pot. They have a thing they don't wash and it's because it adds to the flavor.

6:20it's never been flushed it's never been flushed and it makes the best prison wine anyway this is not this is not the history of prisoners shits again we'll be we will get to the suffragettes at some point this is the story of wine now terrifyingly for me we are going back to 6000 bc christ i'm getting excited what you're getting very excited calm down now wine they think people discover wine or wine is discovered when people are monkeys ooga booga time and the ooga boogas um they stumble across a plum a rotten plum and they eat it and then they suddenly they go fucking crazy and they're like well those rotten plums are actually better than the actual than ripe plums that's how they discover boots okay so then you know the first female monkey eats a rotten plum and then it's carlidge right she's getting the plastic dick things out she's calling her husband you never yeah you know all that yeah uh and so in the year they think in 6 000 bc that's 8 000 years ago so the plum had rotted and fermented alcohol within itself yes right right So the juice was alcoholic.

7:40Right. So in the South - And it was a Georgian, that makes sense. Well, this South Caucasus - One of my dad's many ex-girlfriends - Georgian. I've been Georgian. Has your dad sort of done a sex tour of the Soviet Union? Yeah, he's been all over. Yeah. He has been done China, he's done Ukraine. Right. Georgia, Panama. Wow. Yeah, he has been all over, as long as they're incredibly thin. He does think fatness in women is a sin that should be punished. Right, okay. So it's like a sort of, yeah, anorexic Eurovision. Yes, 100%. Yeah, yeah, that's his absolute favourite. Well, it's good that someone's still flying that fag.

8:17Flag? Flying that fag? Oh my God. I meant flag. Sorry, we're talking about - We've had two weeks off. We're talking about wine, so sorry. That was a Freudian slip. She did try to kill him with a kitchen knife. The Georgian? Yes. Christ. Yeah. Anyway, we are in the South Caucasus 8 ,000 years ago. Yeah. Christ. Yeah, well, Caucasus, that's where Caucasian comes from. Is it? Yeah, so the white people, apparently, they first came from... This is patient zero for whiteness. This is patient zero. Wow. Don't know what the fuck happened. So that's nice. That's nice. So the esteemed white man drinking wine starts in the beginning of this Caucasian story.

8:53And now those people look down on the Georgians. Yes, of course. Well, so this is what's funny, is that in Georgia, in the South Caucasus, people discover that grapes could ferment naturally, and they start brewing wine. They start getting their horrible Georgian feet involved. stomping on grapes. They store the juice in these, what's called a kferis, which is a big sort of clay jar underground that they bake into the earth, which allows for fermentation. And they have found early residue of wine in caves in Armenia, Georgia. This kind of... Now, it's also quite funny that wine would start here.

9:29This is old as fuck, though. Old as fuck. It's the oldest we've ever been on the podcast. 8 ,000 years ago. Because this is around the time of the first city ever. So what then happens is that the wine gets put into barrels and travels on these boats down. Is it the Tigris and the Euphrates? Yeah, that's the Iraq. Down towards Iraq. Saddam's... And that's where kind of the birth civilization is sort of in. Yeah. If you look at it on the map, the Tigris and the Euphrates, that little bit, it's sort of like a fanny. Right. It's the reason why civilization started there. The Fertile Crescent. It's the Fertile Crescent.

10:05That's what I call it. It is a wet, fertile, dank little patch where it all sort of comes out. I've just remembered, because we were talking about Glastonbury before we start recording. The first time I went to Glastonbury, I was stood behind someone in the crowd and they had a tattoo on the back of their neck and it said, I'm going to fuck London in the pussy. And I still think about that sometimes. But it was on the back of the neck. Yeah. You don't know if there was more, right? You only saw the top of it. No, they were topless. Oh, okay, fine. That's the whole tattoo. I'm going to fuck London in the pussy right where is London's pussy that's a good question Bank is it Bank no Bank's not the pussy which is the most connected bit isn't it no I wouldn't yeah I don't know if that's the pussy I'd say Brixton's the pussy Wapping Wapping yeah why is Wapping London's pussy no no it's Brixton's the pussy Brixton's the arsehole surely Brixton's the arsehole come on Brixton's not the pussy well they London's given birth so it's the same thing right it's sort of that whole band Brixton and Clapham Brixton to Peckham is camberwell um i don't know where london's pussy let us know in the comments where you think london's pussy is yeah um i guess it's the wetter smelliest bit of london yeah or you could say the thames barrier that could be the pussy yeah anyway this episode of fin versus history is sponsored by manscaped horatio the summer's here yes and i can smell your balls from a feet away oh really i I wondered why you were pegging up your nose like that.

11:31Because they're hairy. They're too hairy. Yeah. And as we know from our many cultural analyses of the world. The surface area of the hair creates more stink regions. Tracks smell. Yeah. So I'm asking you as a colleague and a friend and a man. This is a HR issue. To shave your fucking ball sack. But you told me recently that you. I tried to. I fucking. I've only got one ball left. You're using kitchen scissors. well i'm here to tell you that the manscaped lawnmower 5.0 ultra is now available in special edition white hot color and it's available across uk and europe and australia this is not a silver bullet yeah but what it can do yeah we're not going to oversell it but it can handle your most sensitive areas with care and it reduces the risk of nick not your heart your ass your balls or dick it reduces the risk of nick's cuts irritation i really want one of these and genuinely because i i struggle that down there and i i don't know what to do with my pews when i'm shaving i gather them on my hand then go outside and throw them at my french neighbors the white hot 5.0 ultra brings the heat it's sleek easy to use and it's way less terrifying than those kitchen scissors you were using before use code fin15 for 15 off your entire order at finn15manscape.com that's 15 off with code finn15 at manscape.com hey stay cool stay smooth get those pubes off your body and into the toilet and i don't mean paris i mean the toilet in your house yeah seconded hey y 'all kelly clarkson here with wayfair you know my favorite compliment during the holidays your house feels so cozy that's when i know everyone's comfortable enough to kick off their shoes, grab more dessert, and stay a little longer.

13:15Wayfair makes it easy with everything from dining furniture to festive guest room essentials all in one place. So whether you're hosting for an afternoon or all weekend, everyone feels right at home. Get holiday guests ready at wayfair.com or on the Wayfair app today. Wayfair, every style, every home. Push your limits, train with precision, see the results. At Equinox, that's high performance loving. Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at equinox start today at equinox.com so we're in georgia 8 000 years ago and the wine travels down to nowadays iraq what are the first cities called the big cities yeah yeah and babylon or is that yeah that no babylon's real that's coming around this time as well right and slightly later but yeah so wine has basically been around as long as people have been in cities yeah so they had wine and beer at this time as well because beer was is just as old yes it is and mead and the the chinese are doing stuff with plums and rice yeah rice wine drinking rice wine rubbish rubbish absolute rubbish chinese are doing something absolutely rubbish as usual um and now wine is uh incredibly uh important and sophisticated in egypt obviously uh egypt's the main the start of everything yeah everything that's invented really gets done by the egyptians well they get the credit for most yeah but really what we need to get to i really am very uncomfortable yeah i can see we're racing through this yeah let's get to ancient greece because this is where we're going to start we're going to um focus most of this podcast probably would fit right in gilby would be lauded in ancient greece as the straightest man they'd ever see um ancient greece is at this point again this is 2 000 years ago yeah no more than that when's ancient greece ancient greece would be 4 500 years ago dizzying and uh the plastic chair is not around no um invented plastic no which was in the 20th century plastic something like that so they haven't sat down yet yeah um would you like to place when does the start charlie find out when ancient greece starts just so we can place this for the thickos that are listening yeah the thickos that don't drink wine yeah yeah they don't drink wine this so the idea of a wino that's an alky right yes but a lot of time they're not drinking wine are they it's a posh wino oh right so it's a posh alcoholic gilby's a wino right right my dad's a wine your dad's a wino yeah red trouser but like the key to a wino is that you're just as much of an alcoholic but you have a roof over your head rather than a bridge uh i think if you're drinking spirits out of a bag you're not a wino um ancient greece begins sort of around 1200 christ uh well no 1200 before sorry sorry um okay so would you like to place this with your ancient 1200 bc please right well this is this uh is after the invention of the helmet just verify that charlie no it's definitely before the helmet 3000 bc thank you very much well there you go before um diana should have wore a helmet in that crash that's what it said in the autopsy this would have been fine if you were wearing your helmet um i think all princesses should wear big helmets she should have been walking out like a like a delivery driver yeah with a big thing on her back big helmet um so dionysus is the greek god of several things he's god of wine yeah but he's also the god of uh partying yeah festivals uh release yeah release he's the god of release yeah so he's kind of the god of calm he's the god of calm because there's a god of sex but there's a god of love yeah he's the god of calm calm yeah he's the calm god but is release also shitting i guess so is it just kind of letting anything go yeah i'm not sure it's like a well to be honest if you think about it is he's sort of like a p diddy like figure dionysus yes yeah you know the freak-offs were you following the diddy um trial no i've not what's the so like a freak-off what diddy would do is he would get his girlfriend and maybe uh male and female prostitutes and sort of forced them to do sex acts for about four days in a row covered in baby oil yes and he'd watch and he'd call it free coughs free cough free coughs right like having a free cough oh free cough yeah so i thought you're saying three coughs a free cough right okay sorry so it's very dionysus sort of vibe i imagine complete debauchery so dionysus becomes this figure for madness and ecstasy and release which yeah as we say could be shitting could be i don't know sort of engineering term but but mainly it's about uh the release you feel from your boring uh sort of mundane life by having a glass of wine yeah so he let's deal with the the origin myth of dionysus he's son of zeus he's son different levels and tiers right yeah so there's the big 12 yes and some of them are sons of zeus and he's often called the 13th one is he yeah so uh zeus his dad fucks the mortal princess semelie he yeah zeus unbelievably horny the horniest god yeah yeah he's got a wife he's always dressing up i mean if we'd look back at this now it's quite problematic yes he pretends to be mortals just so you can fuck whoever you want.

19:03So it's a bit like Tom Cruise with a Mission Impossible mask raping people and then being like, oh, you're my husband. Yeah, exactly. No, I'm not. Well, to be honest, real bad man, Zeus. 23. Yeah, 23 babies, 22 baby mothers. Zeus is real bad man and he fucks this woman, Semele. And so Hera, Zeus's wife, hears about this, gets angry. again this is not the history of whining but she then forces Semele to see Zeus's real form and seeing that like the light from it basically makes her head explode or something right, will Indiana Jones melt in the face yeah it's that she just explodes because Zeus is so gorgeous ugly, no, he's a good looking chap I reckon, yeah he's just so ripped that her head explodes, fine but she is pregnant with Dionysus right so what Zeus does is he takes the fetus and sews it into his thigh and then when the fetus you're alright mate is everything alright when the fetus is ready to be delivered I don't know how it's sustained in his thigh if you took a baby out like about a day before it's meant to be born and you put it in your tummy or your bum what would happen what would happen Would it die or would it be alright?

20:27If you put it in your bum. If you took a baby out. But there's lots of premature births. I mean, my daughter was born seven weeks premature. She went into an incubator, not my bum. Did you stick her up your arms? Sorry, doctors. Sorry. Just before you put her in the end. She has an extra couple of weeks. Don't worry. I've got a hot oven here. Yes. Neonatal units are... I don't think they go in any... Premature babies don't go in anyone's bum. Right. I think we can safely say that, you know, this is probably bollocks what happened, but this is the story the Greeks tell each other. That he sews the baby into the thigh and then he's born as Dionysus.

21:08So he's the twice born God. What pussy does he come out of Dionysus? Well, Zeus's thigh pussy. The thigh brow. All right. So I guess it's like it's another thing. It's like a Caesarean, but in a thigh. So Zeus gives birth? No, I think he just cuts him out. Grin. What? Disgusting. Anyway. Anyway. Sorry, we must return to the Glastonbury of the ancient world. Dionysus. So yeah, so he's born out of Zeus's thigh. Yeah. Thussy. Thussy. Zeus's thick, stinking thigh pussy. I guess it's the outer thigh. Right. Rather than the inner thigh. Well, I don't know. Who knows? He doesn't, like Charlie suggests, go and live in Zeus's bum for a bit.

21:55and so he's kind of this outsider figure yeah so what happens is that this cult starts to emerge of his followers where it's kind of upside down land right so it's like women and slaves and you know the was Glastonbury almost exactly the oppressed of Greek society they start really buying into Dionysus because he's like the outsider god and they're outsiders yeah and they start this ritualistic orgiastic filth yeah um this cult of dionysus right where they all drink wine yeah uh which at this point is quite weak uh as we'd understand it well do you need to be closer to natural wine well natural wines natural wine they're taking out all of the chemicals and stuff there's no chemicals and it fucking tastes awful it does taste bad either it's my big thing that i cannot understand chemicals makes wine delicious i love normal wine yeah i think you've nailed it i think i'd rather have prison wine the perpetual stew prison wine natural wine natural wine and what's amazing if you go to like a really like hip wine natural wine bar they all have a million different natural wines they'll take your fucking tarot reading yeah they will like their eyes roll into the back of their head and they'll find the perfect one that matches you and it still tastes like absolute caca poopoo sour awful it just tastes like dirt i'd rather have lambrini absolutely I think my prediction 10 years time everyone's gonna be like what the fuck that was rubbish that whole time I don't know why we're pretending that was good what's the difference between natural wine and normal wine well we'll ask Gilby when he comes on but it's like something about there's less dirt and poo in yeah basically and you can fucking taste it yeah they leave the poo in basically I think there's a lot of pesticides to stop fucking bugs fucking your grapes and they like let the bugs have on it yeah it's quite weak wine what the ancient Greeks are drinking but Obviously, it's blowing their head open because they don't know about whiskey or anything.

23:48And these underlings, these slaves, these women, these outsiders, they are going into the hills and the forest and they're drinking this wine and they then start doing mad shit. They them. They them. There are a lot of they thems there. They them. They're doing mad, mad stuff. So they're all trying to conjure up this, what they call ecstasis, which is ecstasy, standing outside the self, trying to destroy the self. It's interesting that ecstasy pills are still harking back to the Greek myth. Exactly. Yeah, that's interesting. So the mynads are the particularly mad female followers of Dionysus. Right, I think I've met a few.

24:26Yeah, they were probably all at Glastonbury. They dance frenetically. So it says mynads, brackets raving ones. Yes. I don't know if that's like, if raving even comes from like. Yeah, I think it does. I agree. That is interesting. so what they do is these things called sparag moss and uh omophagia sure so this is where you get an animal and you tear it apart with your hands and then you eat the flesh right that's the ritual of that's what wine makes you do yeah but the thing is they're drinking weak wine yeah and their response is to rip apart an animal that's what's so funny about it i guess it hasn't been naturalized you haven't been grown up where it's like have a little drink of wine with supper your parents do it like it's not well it's not french culture is it yeah have a little wine with your bavette stage i mean they're lightweight by the sounds of it yeah they're they're all absolute lightweights imagine now if i had a glass of pinot noir and then just got a dog and was like you know and the table full of people with red trousers like what on earth is that guy doing you know and then you think about wine pairing what what you know what animal are you tearing apart that goes best with a yeah yeah an old goat with a fucking old goat would probably go best with a like a Barolo a big Italian hearty Italian yeah you want a hearty you want a rich and I suppose you're just tear apart a fish which would be very hard because it'd be flapping about I'd probably want a nice little shabley with that probably a shabley tear apart a trout how can you tear a fish apart I wouldn't be able to get any leverage in the gills if I go actually get my foot in a gill and then just fucking so there are these women in the woods in ancient Greece right having you know basically uh what is it eight it's like a Bacardi breezer right and then it's the original bottomless brunch you know the woman who fell behind the seat yeah this is what it is you know what I'm talking about Charlie uh bottomless brunch woman falls upside down

26:27it takes them so long so if you're listening a woman has somehow gone so far down the back of a restaurant couch there's like a corner of a room yeah it's taking with a small space yeah and she's gone so far it's only her legs are showing what this reminds me of is that video is that video of the cow being winched out of a sinkhole that's what this reminds me of yeah that's it yeah so this is what's going on what's going on in the forest yeah this is what's going on the cult or dionysers the mine ads they're having too much prosecco too early in the morning and they're going behind rocks. Oh, I don't understand the physics of it.

27:08It takes two men. It's really funny not knowing how she got there as well. That you only see her ending up there. Yeah. It'd be like us opening with my legs just there.

27:29we could open like that actually um cards right anyway so that's what's happening in the woods these women are they're tearing apart animals with their bare hands uh they're eating them they're gorging on their flesh uh and so and there's maybe some sacrifice going on yeah as well uh and this sort of morphs into a uh dionysia festival right uh which is devastatingly where theater comes from yes no this is what i learned this this is um so it's but by the parthenon in um in greece the theater dionysus is where it all started and it's just this fucking crazy orgy right they used to have parades every year and every year it just got more and more theatrical right and at the end of the parade it would kind of slowly turn into this sort of performance right because it was like a procession that ended at this the theater of dionysus before it was a theater right and people would just end up watching this final thing and that thing slowly turned into what we know as theater basically so theater starts with an orgy yeah makes sense well it does well not really well i think i'd rather go to the west end and watch an orgy than most plays i mean yeah i guess so yeah so the word tragedy uh they think derives from tragos which is a goat right so which may derive derive from a sort of sacrificial ritual right okay um i guess what's what i find interesting is that dionysus is this it's this frenzy yeah it's this frenzy of losing yourself of obliterating the ego of eating a fucking goat with your hands.

29:07Yeah. And it ends up with being stuck in a boring theatre show. Yeah. Drinking wine out of a plastic cup. Yeah. Watching the most boring thing ever. It's like, yeah, I guess it's a PC culture gone mad, isn't it? Yeah, it is. It's like, you know. It's like Channel 4. Channel 4 used to have Ali G on it. And now it's got some fucking, I don't know. But Virgin Island, I'm loving Virgin. Oh my God, I watched it last night. It's so good. It's the best. Virgin Island I would highly recommend there's one really funny person in Virgin Island basically it looks just like Jeremy Flea it does look like Jeremy Flea basically the premise of Virgin Island is they're shipping over it's the opposite of Epstein's Island well it's not actually no it's not at all it's if it's if the virgins were fucking it's the prequel to Epstein's Island yeah basically they ship a load of virgins onto an island and there's all these sex experts prostitutes yeah these kind of really like central horny kind of like um i don't know like hippie mummy some of them are absolute smoke yeah exactly they're professional you know i don't know boner wranglers i guess yeah it's like a snake charmer for for uh virgins in a way yeah they're sort of muff whisperers the men are always funny every sex expert man wears three-quarter lengths for some reason and he looks like he does yoga every day.

30:27There's just this something. They look like baristas, all the men. And they're all so, yeah, actually all of them are attractive, which is astonishing. Well, they have to be. You can't have a fucking ugly sex. No, thank you. Can I wait? Can I get a different person? Yeah, do you know what? Actually, I'd like to stay on to, I'd like to keep my virginity actually. Anyway, so all of the, what is quite interesting about the show socially is you learn a lot about the barriers that a lot of people have to pass their virginity. A lot of it's like severe autism. They can't be touched. There's like really psychological challenges a lot of these people have for just even getting over the most basic social interactions.

30:57There's this one guy who's completely fine. He's super horny and just hasn't had sex. Just an absolute incel. So while everyone, it's like having these sex experts learning how to just touch a woman's shoulder for the first time. He's just grabbing it. He just keeps trying to go further. He's just like, this is brilliant. He's having no problems whatsoever. He's just like, yeah, I just want to fucking come. There's an amazing scene where him and the sex therapist take their clothes off. That's him, number 12. Number 12. Zach. Zach's my fucking hero. They take their clothes off and the woman goes, so how are you feeling?

31:33And he goes, bet you're feeling pretty intimidated. What is that, Zach? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like the horniest incel sexually aggressive virgin. A sexually aggressive virgin is such a funny characteristic. Well, look at the size of that. You can't handle that. He's just so excited. You've never had sex. Yeah. it does feel like he's not a virgin and he's just blagged his way off yeah it does so he can shag all of these milfs yeah it's pretty funny um absolutely and he does look a lot like your opener jeremy looks like jeremy flynn shout out jerry shout out jess um i haven't seen him for a while i didn't realize he'd gone to virgin island but uh pretending to be a virgin right so dionysus the cult of dionysus these mad fuckers in the woods which ends up being theater is watered down in the roman times this becomes bacchus right um which is sort of the other name for dionysus the romans call it uh bacchus the god of wine he's often pictured so bacchus is dionysus yeah right he's often pictured with grapes around his around his bunts and again much like in greece it's a it's a sort of religion for outsiders so uh women and slaves but it gets the romans obviously run a much tighter ship they do run a much tighter ship and they're like we'll stop this fucking nonsense because they think that they're going to the woods to start conspiracies to overthrow the Roman Senate.

32:51So the Senate in 186 BC... If you saw what was going on, I don't think they're organizing much of a revolution. They're literally ripping birds apart with their hands and fucking each other. It's fine. It is Glastonbury. It is the... It's like... Yeah, it's Glastonbury. All the politics at Glastonbury, I don't know why people get so upset about Glastonbury because when I go there, it's very politically charged. They've obviously got these huge, like, broad slogans, love peace equality free every food stands free a different country but it's like you'd want that as opposed to like a right-wing festival and it's also these people aren't going to organize anything that will change anything they can barely organize glass but it's like it's a contained thing we'll just accept that's going to be the vibe because we're all escaping life we don't want someone who's like well it's actually about really sensible fiscal policy over like a 20 year I love that festival.

33:39I love that festival. It's like, that's not why we're here. George, George Barnes headlining the austerity stage. It's not about just sensible economic decisions with long-term investment in mind. That's just not. 10 p.m. bedtime. All right. No, no, no, no. Lights out. Noises off, please. Starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times. Your to-do list may feel endless with new tasks and lists can easily begin to overrun your life. So finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything as a built-in business partner can be a game changer.

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37:24Augustus Gloop. Augustus Gloop, the Roman emperor couldn't stop eating. Augustus Gloop, fell into a chocolate river. But obviously in the Jewish tradition, there's a big tradition of drinking wine and - Sabbath. Yeah, and like - Passover, right? Communing with God through this drink. So I guess the Christian relation of wine comes from the Roman Greek tradition, right? That's what I mean. It's the - Because the pagan idea of wine is that the feelings you get from it is a spiritual experience. Yes. and there's a god of wine that you're communing with yeah and so i guess how christianity just gets bits of every pagan god they just take that idea of the link between well nietzsche and jung right uh the philosophers they they're obsessed with dionysus because they think it's an archetype of like the the destroying the ego and destroying the self so that's a dionysus are they for it is nietzsche for it yeah yeah yeah nietzsche's like everyone should just get cunted all the time by the way nietzsche should have been on virgin island yeah he talked a big game for a guy who was basically cut out in a throuple.

38:21He travelled around Europe with a woman he really was in love with and she just fucked his best mate the whole time and then they both abandoned him in Italy. And then Nietzsche lost his mind. Get a picture of Nietzsche's, Nietzsche, crazy Nietzsche. No one looks more actually like cartoon insane. Just went cross-eyed. He saw a horse die in a square. He got so moved by it that he lost his mind. He went cross-eyed, right? Couldn't speak for eight years. Then his sister, who's one of the most, I really like his sister. His sister's one of the biggest cunts of all time. She then turned him to a tourist attraction and charged people to come look at, look how fucked my brother is.

38:57And then helped the Nazis turn his ideas into narcissism. I mean, you would be a nihilist if you went on a global cuck tour, saw a horse get killed, and then went cross-eyed. You'd be like, what's the fucking point? Yeah, but Nietzschean ideals are all about the power of the will. It's about imposing yourself in reality, shaping, like, lad, you couldn't even impose yourself on the woman you fancy so uh yeah but the idea is that when you drink a glass of wine you're drinking dionysus you are drinking the god of wine right and you're communing with him and christians take this and it becomes much less of like an orgy and much more about a sacrament and it's like oh we're drinking jesus's blood he died so that we could be really boring whatever it is he died to make sure that we're all really boring he died so that we could drink tea and eat cake on a Sunday with a bunch of other miserable cunts.

39:50Is your book club too interesting? Well, come and join ours. So little sippy wine. Yeah. You're not glugging the stuff. It becomes a sippy wine. Yeah. And it becomes a sacrament. I mean, even... Is the wine that you drink at communion, that's not even wine, is it? It did always kind of annoy me, the bread and wine thing, the bread thing, because wafer just doesn't feel like bread. No. It should be. It should be like a little bit. That's like reading Christ's fingernail. Yeah, like it should be like - I want his fucking thigh. I want a focaccia, a bit of focaccia. Yeah. Dip that in the wine. So wine is no longer really about ecstasy in Christian faith, is it?

40:26It's not about that. I mean, Christianity is not really about ecstasy. But what is it then? Is it just, because if it's not about ecstasy, then why is wine become a central part of the Christian faith? Because it's about sacrament. It's about tasting a little bit of the salvation that you will get if you don't drink loads of it oh so the sip symbolizes um moderation maybe but then it's about it's christ's blood it's a metaphor for drinking his blood yeah i get that but i i think it's interesting that christianity which is often quite a morally uh quite austere religion having wine at the center of it seems quite strange if it's not playing i think it's just about remembering the sacrifice is that it well yeah it's not it's as silly as wine red blood red i think it probably is that we can't drink blood till we drink wine instead yeah yeah i think so all right fair enough i think it's probably is that but that's also why we have such an alcoholic culture in christian countries probably is that wine is still so integral to the center of the kind of main moral religion that you can't you're banning alcohol well you say that but then obviously greek and roman culture is the that's it's all stems from that yeah they were like going they were getting pissed and going to all bar one and fucking throwing chairs everywhere and shoving flares up their ass yeah it's christianity that makes it boring right reading a book in a hall yeah what do you think it should be should it be like water and cheese what would be like a better water and cheese i don't think so water and cheese like as it as opposed to to the biscuit i mean a bit of um a little cube of manchego i'd like a brandy and a mince pie i'd actually like christmas christmas what's really nice nice uh dark rum with a cube of ice in it and then like dark chocolate on the side.

42:10I think that's like a nice little combo. If you're having a sip and a bite, I think that'd be really nice. I like really, really good, expensive wanky coffee and really shit chocolate. I like to be wanked off and have my earlobes tickled. I just have to be sucked off at the altar, I reckon. The body of Christ. Ah! Yeah, can you do that? They did do that. They did do that. Yeah, actually, no, don't do that. Have the body of Christ. Definitely. The dick of Christ. Yeah. So wine in this 2000 years, wine has gone from being this orgiastic, filthy community, ecstasy, blah, blah, blah. It's gone from being an ecstasy pill to a nice sit down.

42:48Right. And then we get to Islam. Right. Now, because there's a huge, obviously, Judeo-Hebrew-Christian, Greek-Roman history of wine. But it's still in the monotheistic tradition. So Islam is still, they still consider Jesus one of their... Yeah, so Islam obviously originates in the 7th century, I think. But it arrives into an Arab world that is incredibly sinful in their eyes. Gambling, boozing, they're loving it. They're loving everything. Fuddy loving it. They're drinking, they're fighting, they're gambling. And so initially, the Islamic law says, no, don't be drunk when you pray. Right. And this slowly morphs into don't drink at all.

43:38Right. Because in heaven, there'll be loads of wine. Oh, is that still part of the cell? In heaven, there is no beer. That's why we drink it here. Who says this? And when we are gone from here, all our friends will be drinking all the beer. It's a Jamaican song. So ideologically, that's quite opposed. So that's the opposite of Islam, is the Jamaica. So the Jamaica thing is that there's no beer there. So we have to drink it here. Yeah. so when we were in jamaica or we were in barbados they sat they sang that like in like a sort of festival they sing that song right and it just goes on and on and on it's just those four lines yeah what i find interesting about and then islam goes in heaven there is no queers that's why we kill them here um less fun less fun uh and the vibes a bit more intense they don't sing it either they shout it it's quite um quite aggy but what's funny is that so this whole idea of uh like wine and religion as a, wine's like a release, communion with the divine.

44:33Islam is not like a religion of release. No. Well, I guess. It's a religion of unity. I guess fundamentalist Muslims, I suppose they're releasing limbs everywhere when they blow themselves up. Yeah. I mean, it's a similar thing, isn't it? Yeah. They're technically divorced from themselves. I mean, one of the hardest comes of all time. Blowing yourself up. Yeah. Oh! But then you're getting to the 72 virgins. 72 zacks. 72 zacks. 72 virgins. I make you feel sexually intimidated. Imagine you got up there and it's just 72 of him. Don't you intimidated by that? It's Virgin Island up there. Well, that would be awful.

45:09I mean, it's like, you know, so many stand-ups have done this bit, but it'd be so awful when you see virgins who can't, you know, there's a woman on there who's just like, I just can't. The idea of penetration makes me feel sick. I'm just terrified of it. And then some come with a top knot, just fingers, and she goes, no, do you know what? I love it. Yeah. I absolutely love it. How did you guys lose your virginities? I lost it when I was 15, I want to say, 15, 16. I was 15. Oh, it was terrible. It was, it was really, I really struggled to get in there, to be honest. I struggled to get it in there.