Panenka-Assassinations and A Mid Range Hotel | Idi Amin (Part 4/4)

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1:24welcome back to finn versus history it's part four of the edmin story charlie just want to tell everyone what you've just eaten in the break uh five chocolate coins two gold bars and two vine leaves dolmadas dolmadas yeah two day-old dolmadas you were just saying how well you've done to resist the temptation of the cheap gold coins phoebe's put chocolate coins in our med and cheap chocolate coins there's one of my crypt i have several kryptonites and phoebe gave me some bread to the point where it's no longer a kryptonite isn't it because it isn't i wonder How many kryptonite you can have? Yeah, that's true.

1:51That's true. Is kryptonite just meant for your Achilles heel? Does it count if it's across your whole body? I have eight legs, so I have eight heels. Right. The heel's the only safe part of your body. The rest is the Achilles' rest of the body. Yeah, that's true, actually. It's easy to say that I have an Achilles finger, an Achilles head, an Achilles neck, an Achilles belly. Yeah. But no, cheap chocolate with expensive wanky coffee is one of my all-time combinations. I think expensive chocolate is work nonsense. It's similar to craft beer. Fuck off. I completely agree. Apart from straight rum with a bit of...

2:28Calm down. With a bit of nice dark chocolate is actually very nice. I live in Bethnal Green. I'm having straight rum with the honeys. Yeah. I'm drinking Henny and having lint. Yeah. I'm eating chocolate coins. Anyway. You're like a cash machine. I am. speaking of men who probably did eat chocolate coins part four of the idiom in tale uh and listen our boy's on the ropes uh he's been a great laugh yeah but people have starting to not find him as funny now yeah the joke is getting tired yeah uh the kaufman-esque you know playing on the racial stereotypes yeah of central africa you know it's starting to be like are you actually just mad yeah So in the late 70s in Uganda, it's a pretty fruity time.

3:18The economy's in the toilet. Is fruit a big part of the economy? Sorry? Is fruit part of the economy? I don't know, actually. I think it's mainly coffee. Right. Now, just to recap, Idi Amin had a dream telling him to get rid of everyone who's Asian, and he acted on it and expelled the entire middle class. Yeah. Done. Gone. That's the long road to Priti Patel. That's worked out quite well for us. But they also accounted for 90 % of his tax revenue. Right. I tax you more. Yeah. I get more money. Yes. You've seen that? That's the chancellor. The same guy that we talked about. Another, another. Listen, I tax you more.

3:52I get more money. So what is the context for him saying this? Money moving in the air. This is him, just the chancellor explaining. He's been accused of corruption. He's just explaining. Charlie did economics at UCL. Yeah. So this is a Ugandan chancellor. Just play this clip. Businesses expand. You people, you earn more money. I tax you more so because I tax you more I get more money so that's the kind of that's the Ugandan that's the true law of economics businesses expand you make more money I tax you more I get more money if I send everyone who runs a business away there's no money right which is what Idi Amin has done it's what Starmer's doing is it well I don't know it's what everyone says he's doing but he's doing it to whites yes everyone's saying that everyone's going to Dubai and therefore the tax base is going, right?

4:43Yeah. Because it's too hard to be rich. I guess you don't want to just judge the quality of a country on its tax base because the people that move to Dubai are to a man cunts. I don't want anything to do with them. Yeah, if they're like, I'd rather move to Dubai to evade tax. I'd rather pay more tax and not have to talk to anyone who wants to go to Dubai. How important is the economy? It's one aspect of life. Yeah. I would rather pay more money. Fuck the NHS. I'd rather pay more money to not have to hang out with 30 % of the population. I'd go private. Yeah. To not hang out. To private friends.

5:16I don't want these nationalized people on a Saturday night hanging around. Turkey teeth. Fucking Dubai's brilliant. Well, yeah, for you. Yeah. It's a culture as vacuum built by slaves. Of course you fucking love it. It's a skyscraper in a desert. Anyway. Real thick people shit. Real thick people. Mark Antony Fitness. What is it, Charlie? What's the thing that they're building in Dubai or they've given up building that big, that was Saudi Arabia wasn't it that's the tunnel oh the tunnel it's the line the long city HS3 HS3 of course they've given it up which is amazing because they you just can't do something where you you talk about something that's genuinely unbelievable and get everyone's like that's amazing that we can do that and say no we can't no actually it's ridiculous impossible you can't do that much branding about it and like get that no it's too hard of course it's too hard but then don't pitch anything like remotely like that it was what was it it was like meant to be 200 kilometers of a line city in the desert, perfectly air conditioned.

6:14You can get from one end to the other in 20 minutes. They start, then there was the pictures of the diggers. So I saw the beginning bit where they dug like a trench, which was about 500 meters long. And I was like, maybe like it's starting to, and then they went, maybe they dug another trench and they're like, it's going to take ages. It's going to take fucking ages. Nah. Nah. Why don't we just build a normal city rather than one line? Because actually, they didn't just cancel it immediately. They said, we've changed it, actually. We've been a bit too ambitious. So they've changed it from 200 kilometers to one kilometer city.

6:46And then they said, nah, just fuck it. Fuck it off. Fuck it off. Fuck it off. So Idi Amin's infrastructure begins to collapse. So he seizes properties and businesses, hands them out as rewards to his army officers. They then don't have any skills to run the businesses, which means industry declines, widespread looting, nothing works. The UK severs diplomatic relations in 1976. That's after Idi Amin has personally killed the most Jewish woman of all time in the Intibi air raid. Yeah, by overcharging her for a coffee. She takes her own life because she sees the prices of the sandwiches in the airport.

7:25Very sad story. Anyway, in 1978, the US imposes a trade embargo where they stop buying Ugandan coffee. And in return, they stop supplying oil. Coffee's big in Uganda. because it's a very, it's a wet. Do we have a lot of Ugandan coffee here? Wanky coffee shops, I guess. I prefer South American. I like Colombian the best in general. I don't know. It's slightly fruitier. And I mean that in the actual sense of the word fruity. I know that for me, fruity can mean gay, racist, you know, genocidal or fruity. And in this instance, I prefer Colombian coffee. Can you chat if you see the most respected coffee range in the world?

8:05Let's just see. Is there like a... Burundi and Rwanda and Central Africa is all very... Yeah, Kenya. East Africa, that's all, yeah. What have we got? Most respected coffee areas in the world. What's the kind of general... Ethiopia. Ethiopia's birthplace. Yeah, okay. Yeah, Colombia. But Georgia's the birthplace of wine. The gold standard. No nonsense ranking, that's what I want. Ethiopia number one. Undisputed goat. Then Panama. Panama, fuck off. Can we make our own coffee? Like, if I have a coffee plant, can I make my own coffee in the garden? Yeah, you need to roast the beans. Roast the beans.

8:36Would it be nice? And then you can then grind them and then you put them through a coffee machine. So I can have my own coffee. Yeah, you can do that. Charlie, you could do anything. Yeah. No, sorry. You can do something. You can't do anything. You can do some things. You can't do anything. No, you can't do anything. You can't do it. No, so that's what you meant. Sorry. You can't do anything. I meant you can't do anything. That's what I meant. I meant you're a fucking idiot and you can't do anything. You can't do anything. Sorry. I minced my words there. There's nothing you can do. No.

9:02So the US stops buying Ugandan coffee uh but there was also wasn't there a thing where due to some kind of some crisis it meant that even though the u.s stopped supplying stopped buying coffee stopped buying the coffee coffee still boomed i think so there was there was still moments of like where they could international uh conditions meant that the ugandan economy sort of similar to like thatcher privatizing everything but because of north sea oil we were sort of oh they found like a windfall there was oh that's it there was a massive global supply shortage because of a frost that destroyed the Brazilian coffee crop in the 70s.

9:39Right. So Ugandan coffee was able to still have a bit of a boom. However, by 78, that had sort of corrected. So anyway, so the US has stopped buying Ugandan coffee. There is hyperinflation. God, it's terribly sad. He's printing money to fund the military. Very sad. The cost of living for low-income workers goes up 531 % by 1977. Amin just spends all the money in the army. He does whiskey runs to bring in Scotch whiskey, stereos and watches for offices. A vast amount of foreign currency is basically spent on luxury goods and weapons for the army. But he's basically spending all the money on his army, who, by the way, he's killed a lot of, and the army's just his maids, which will become crucial later on in the story.

10:31What is it, Charlie? If he didn't tell anyone, and he just printed loads of money and then had spies going to different shops and spend the money but it didn't mean anything but nobody knows it doesn't mean anything apart from him and his team you did do economics then um you have a bachelor's no I know but if he did that then why could he not just make the economy fine again if he didn't tell anyone that he was printing loads of money because no one would know I don't actually know but I feel that's like the first thing you learn in economics is why you can't print money yeah do you know it's just fundamentals do I know to be fair to charlie you don't know i the printing money thing it doesn't quite make sense because i do also sometimes think what if you don't tell anyone how do they know right so if you print money secretly and don't tell anyone no one knows no one knows like is that tenner so like your granddad going your parents got spidey senses here's a tenner don't tell your dad he's a tenner but he's printed that tenner yeah he's printed it he's printed it right so he's doing that but that tenner's never existed it's counterfeits your granddad's giving you a counterfeit no you have to go and spend it on that it's not counterfeit it's official but no one the treasury the reserves don't know you have to go buy that mango with it you have to no because you have to because that means the mango guy gets money as well then we're all getting that's cleaning it that's laundering no it's not yeah it is I don't know so you don't know I don't know so if you print money but don't tell anyone then it's fine then it's fine so when it's like oh this country's broke we can't print money because everyone will find out about it There's so much of it on the fly.

12:02Yeah. Two extra billion that you found somewhere else. Does that immediately devalue all money? How do they know? Well, that's it. It's like, yeah, it is. If I get two billion, I put it in my attic. No one knows about it. That doesn't mean, that doesn't cause inflation. It's only when I start taking it out. That's because what you're meant to do when you get money is take it out of the economy. Go to Cain Islands. That's why the Caribbean exists. You're meant to just say, yeah. Take it out of the economy so they can't spend it on the fucking health service. This is everyone in the private members club.

12:29they thought like they had a stroke yeah that's right if you talk about money talk about the K-9 be a non-dom in the UK don't pay tax here exactly up to 90 days no I don't I don't know why Idi Amin's economy collapses but to my head it makes more sense that he just kicks out all the Asians and the economy goes through the floor because Asians are good at maths alright happy happy you've made Finn be racist he doesn't want to be you forced him to turn to racial stereotypes which he hates to do I hate that he's going to be beating himself up in the shower this evening. For fuck's sake. I can't believe Charlie made me say that.

13:03He's got a degree in economics and he's made me say... He brought me down to a level of... Oh, fine. Resorting to just buy the numbers stereotype. To be fair, my theory makes as much sense as what he says. Yeah. You get rid of the Asians, suddenly no one can count anymore. That's not really a theory. That's the truth. Thank you. That is literally the truth. Propel Fitness Water with Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar and vitamins. Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade Electrolytes. Fall has never looked or tasted this good.

13:42Sweet Greens Fall Harvest Menu is back with seasonal favorites dressed to impress and made to be devoured. Warm roasted sweet potatoes, crisp apples, maple glazed Brussels, and crave-worthy flavors in the autumn harvest bowl, maple glazed salmon plate, and roasted bacon Brussels side. The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring fall's best dressed. Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom scrolling? Smart move. Another smart move? Getting help from one of State Farm's 19 ,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto.

14:22Bundling, just another way to save with the personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. So suddenly, all the Ugandans that run shops are like, one, two, three, four, here we are. They can't count. So the economy's in the toilet. Okay. Idi Amin is on the ropes. All his army officers have massive gold watches. They don't have class. Yeah. There are several crises in the late 1970s that undoes Idi Amin. This is probably the most brutal. In February 1977, let's replace this.

15:02This is just before Star Wars. Or is it? Ooh, Star Wars might be 77. No, it is 77. But what month does Star Wars come out? May. Oh, lovely. It's just before Star Wars. Is it just after? No, I think that's later. Is it just after England didn't qualify for the World Cup in 1974? No, fuck, I know it. I know it. Sorry. It's just before Star Wars and it's after the first ever Penenka penalty. Okay, let's have a look. Which I believe is 76. Oh, that is nice. An army of unemployed men have just come in their pants. What a placing that is. The first ever Penenka, which is pretty amazing because everyone's just like, what the fuck, you can do that?

15:50It's a life well lived if you have something like that named after you. Yes, that's true. People won't even know it's a guy. Penenka will become, in a hundred years, people will still call it Penenka. Yeah. And not even know it's a guy. But it makes sense calling it Penenka. Something that surprised me recently, do you know Pilates is named after a guy? You're joking. John Pilates. John Pilates. Type in Pilates. Sorry? Anthony Gangbang as well. No.

16:14how do you come up with that hang on is that nominal determinism which which one of which one of them would you name after a gangbang because if a gangbang is more than one yeah but the ringleader yeah the guy who's i've never had a gangbang like campbell smith and gangbang i'll be like well let's use your surname i've never had a gangbang look at that joseph pilates are you joking it's a bloke joey pilates yeah yeah yeah yeah wait so joseph pilates so it's it's a sort of madman era 50s stuff right he uh politely started with the reformer machine that he invented and it's to get women fit on a but he's a bit of a creep like he's all just got these look at him tiny wife and look at him holding this woman's thighs look at that he's just grabbing her ass this is this is nonsense helping himself to arse.

17:03Right, so my wife does reformer Pilates. She took me to a class once and I thought it was mad. It's on this huge, it looks like a sort of sex machine. Medieval torture device. But this makes so much sense that it was a German bloke in the 50s going, I reckon I'm going to hold your legs like that. Right, Joseph Pilates, World War II. Let's come on. A German of this era. Come on. Is Pilates tainted by the Nazis? Is Pilates Nazi? Is it Nazi yoga? That's what I want to know. Joseph Pilates was not a Nazi. He chose to leave Germany in 20... Traitor! He left in 25. He's unhappy with the country's political direction.

17:40Creep. Traitor turncoat. To be fair, he has come... That's pretty good to leave in 20... Leaving in 25 is pretty nuts. Do you know what? I feel disgusting that I went to Palazzo. I'm a yoga guy. Is yoga Nazi? No, I don't think so. Charlie, why are you Googling Bukkake? Is it named after someone? Maybe it's Brian Bukkake. No, it would be Japanese, surely. Jordan Bukkake. Hideyoshi Bukkake. It probably is. Gordon. Gordon Bukkake. Gordon Bukkake. And Ian Buttstuff. And Ian Buttstuff. Right. So yeah, Joseph Pilates, shout out. Anyway, what's great about Penenka is that it's a vibe. Like you can use the term, should we Penenka these sandwiches?

18:25And it's like... What would you do? you go to look like yeah that's what I mean you go to look like you're about to eat it really disgustingly and then you actually eat it really politely

18:43yeah what were you going to say yeah I was going to say that yeah you could go on Charlie I think it's when you like talk up how good you are at canalingus but you actually don't know what you're doing there's going to be nothing left when I'm feeling Yeah, there you go.

19:01Yeah, no. No, I tell you what penankering pussy is. It's when men are like, I'm gonna fuck you all night long. And then you have sex with 30 seconds, you go, I'm so tired, I'm gonna go to bed. And you just fall. Yeah. But then it's not our fault. You say I'm gonna fuck you so hard, then while just geeing yourself up, you come in the condom. Before, oh, you're gonna have the night. Oh! Oh, fuck, oh, no. There's something very funny about a man perpetually ejaculating and immediately falling asleep. Oh no, it doesn't happen. Just so peaceful and happy. It's not our fault that the come button is the same as the sleep button in my head.

19:42You're going to have the night of your life. Wake up, wake up. Eight hours. Best sleep I've ever had. Came in my pants last night. I had the night of my life. Best night of my life. What a sleep. Came in my pants. Don't know who she was. Eight hours. Just trousers around your ankles. Bosh. Best match I've ever had. Anyway, in 1977, this is actually very dark. Sorry. Archbishop Janui Luwum, who I imagine is like, are we talking Archbishop Tutu vibes? Lovely smile. He is the Archbishop for, I think, Rwanda and Burundi, as well as Central African Archbishop. It's like a diocese that encompasses more than just Uganda.

20:22So is he C of E? Well, Church of Uganda is Anglican. Church of Africa. Right. So... He's got a very kind face. He writes this blunt, very eloquent critique of Idi Amin's rule and publishes it in February 1977. What's it saying? I don't know what it says. But it's blunt and eloquent. It was blunt and eloquent. He writes this critique of Amin's rule and Amin responds with treason charges and brands him and others agents of Milton Abote, who's still knocking about in Tanzania. Yeah, Abote is still about. He drags them to the Nile Hotel, where there are 2 ,000 soldiers and TV cameras. He stages a forced confession, which is broadcast to Uganda.

21:04And then the next day, Ugandan TV announces that, coincidentally, the Archbishop had died in a car crash. That's a mad question. Which is such a shame. It is such a shame. Who would have thought? But apparently, when they find the body, the body was also clearly beaten to death as well. And had gunshot wounds. but you know but you don't know yeah you don't know how the car wrapped around the tree you know had the car crashed into a gun maybe the tree shot the yeah i mean the tree clearly shot the the archbishop uh reports say that admi maybe shot the archbishop himself but this is this is kind of like beyond the pale for a lot of the people who at this point a lot of black africans a lot of ugandans are still supporting him yeah they because they love his vibe and a lot of the deaths have been like we don't blame him we love his i love his vibe yeah you know if i'm in uganda in the 70s i'm like yeah he's laugh yeah i guess beating an archbishop archbishop to death it's not like i mean riddling an archbishop with bullets yeah i mean i guess it's sort of like a monty python sort of sketch a little bit a bit a bit yeah like kind of making fun of me you know citizens of power maybe yeah maybe i guess if you're if you're the head of the power though that's not yeah can you do that yeah i guess i think that's when you punch down in comedy yes you need to punch up yeah uh so but the woman's death galvanizes opposition and sort of takes any remaining legitimacy he had kind of away from him uh and so a lot of the corruption inside the army starts to show uh and the fact that 60 of the army's top ranks come from the same tribe that he does it starts to be a bit icky i guess uh he he then supposedly boys club Supposedly, he's now, he's mainly getting drunk on creme de cacao.

22:48What's that? Is that like... That's like chocolate milkshake booze. Bailey's? Can you Google it, Charlie? Creme de cacao is a sweet chocolate favourite liqueur. It's like Cafe Patron. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Do you like that? It's fine. It's fine. It's a bit rich. Drinking it heavily is mental. Getting drunk off creme de cacao. Having a shot at Christmas makes sense. Oh, that's quite nice. But that being your like go-to. It's African Bailey's. I'll have the usual, and it'll be in a crimson cow as fuck as that. Why are you Bailey's? So he gets gout. He might have had syphilis. Yeah.

23:25Throughout his descent, there are many assassination attempts on him, which make him more paranoid. In June 1976, three grenades are thrown at his car. Now, that's also around the time of the first Penenka. So they might have gone like this. They might have gone like, oh, I'm throwing a grenade. Oh, they could have just done it with the foot, could have just chipped the grenade. June 77, there's a coup attempt called Operation Mafutamingi. Mafutamingi, who's that? That sounds like... Don't talk about Mafutamingi like that. Put your Mafutamingi away. Come on. We're talking about words for, you know, your daughter's front twat.

24:02Yes, yes. A Mafutamingi. A Mafutamingi. You can't go to school with your Mafutamingi sharing. What do Africans call vagina? Yeah, I mean, they must have that on lot. They must have some great names for it. African Ugandan slang for vagina. Operation Mafutu Minji, which is Swahili for too much cooking oil. What is? Mafutu Minji. Sorry, guava. Tonga. Guava is slang term for vagina. That's a fruit. Tonga, that's a bit unfair, calling a whole country. Pum Pum. That's West African, is it? Well, there you go. I like guava. Guava's a nice name. Now, the coup attempt, Mafutu Minji, is when dissident soldiers and pilots aim to eliminate Amin at Entebbe Airport, but he escapes to Kampala.

24:48He supposedly goes into hiding, and the State Research Bureau, his secret police with the quiz show contestant who iron shirts on, they then do a joyride of a body double through Kampala to show that he's still in control and unhurt. He gets into body doubles by the end of the day, I think. He's got loads of just massive black guys who's like, yeah, that's my body double. he then goes on a honeymoon with his new wife it would be great to have a body double that gets assassinated how smug would you feel? you would feel smug actually everyone thinks that you're dead and then you're like do you know what that's what Priti Patel's smile is that's her body double I've just had sex with her body double and she's like because you just you let them have it for a bit so that you know they're going to celebrate they think you got them and then you just do excuse me Lewis make pieces of his name Charlie's just googled Horatio Gould dwarf lookalike get him up Lewis it's very funny to have a body double that's just let's get the goat no I am a ratio type in Lewis Makepeace I wonder if people would know this wasn't me I hope so we should get him on the sofa one I mean from a distance a sniper they might not be able to tell his height it's like a kind of fuck boy fuck boy I don't know if he's a fuck boy we've got him up on this we're looking at him now it's a good it's a good moment to switch the video if you're listening because it does look it does look a lot like him but I'm just saying if I'm an African dictator I don't know if you'd have to be a sniper far far away to fall for this body double, I feel.

26:10Yes, you would. I mean, I guess if I made sure that all my bodyguards are the same height, so it seems in perspective, and it's a tiny car as well. Finn. Then maybe through it. Who's that? That's you. Charlie. Charlie's just got a hideous orc up and there's an attempt to razz Finn. And he's now laughing hysterically behind the microphone. He's got the ugliest orc he could find and said, Finn, that's you. That's not even close to me, though, is it? Dwarven and orc. Yeah, that would be your body double, mate. Right, brilliant. I mean, brilliant. You're ugly, mate. What is this? I'm married you go on Saturday night you go and watch Paul on St.

26:43Charlesbury Avenue yeah I'm going to meet the love of my life there really yes how did you meet we watched black and white French film where someone anal gaped in a garage it was Technicolor actually was it yeah are you sure it was from the 60s it wasn't gaping either you just got owned yeah you're right I did I take it back it wasn't gaping no you're right you are going to you are going to you are going to you are going to get a mortgage one day you're right wasn't gay piatchas just had her ass out yeah fucking idiot what's that loan denied

27:21anyway uh because when you get in a mortgage you have to show that what your expenses are you have to tell you have to tell the bank what you spend money on and is there a big thing about racial uh bias when it comes to sorry like loan denial it favors white people does it not I wouldn't know but I'm just saying Charlie I think squandered all of that privilege yeah totally totally because you go to a bank and you say this is what I did you have to show your bank statement from that weekend I go oh all right what do you do here I watched the French you spent 410 pounds on the Friday didn't you yeah got massive Turkish went to a porn cinema spent about 200 quid on cheap drugs that fucked you up for four days and they just be like yeah we're not giving you sorry you're not you need to buy this outright because we're not going to give you a mortgage anyway uh idi amin survives 13 assassination and coup attempts in the first six years there is a mutiny within the ugandan army in october 78 he they ambush him at his lodge and he escapes with his family by helicopter this is an ambush that's what i'll be saying you know when people just drop that into conversation get your hands off my penis that's what i'd say yeah to set up the final the final scene of Amin's reign he's always this is the entire time he's been he's been looking for a fight with Tanzania yeah similar to me I'm always looking for a fight with them fuck them fuck them fuck you they're smug you are smug with that huge mountain we get it we get it you've got a big mountain what else have you done Tanzania yeah what else have you done so Amin thinks that a war with Tanzania would rejuvenate his failing domestic support.