Protestant Therapy is Grinding Your Teeth | The Reformation (Part 2/4)

0:00They say history is written by the winners, but it is kept alive by losers. Boring people with sad lives and body odor, National Trust employees are in a way their own kind of ruin. Much like this 12th century abbey, their genitals have long since been abandoned and now lie crumbling to be visited only by the very ugly. Excuse me. But if history is written by the winners, who is history written for? Well, the answer is obviously men. Not you. Go away. Women of course have fiction, novels, but that's not for men. Why should I care about some made up horny Irish people? History is about so much more than looking around a shit building staffed by sexless fatties.

0:43Mooring! What are you still doing here? History can get the blood pumping, things like tank battles, amphibious landings, the exploitation of indigenous communities. This is history that gets a man rock hard when we talk about things like slavery, war crimes or genocide. It's high time we realize that not all history is created equal. And that's why I'm delighted to announce that my first book, The History of Mankind in Its Entirety, an unsupervised PhD, is available now to pre-order in hardback or audiobook if you're thick.

1:21Oi, have you got permission to film here? This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Do you hear that? That sound, right? That means that summer's officially here. It means that grown adults just sprint into the street for a frozen dessert shaped like a cartoon.

2:01But this summer, Mint Mobile has a better treat. Every plan, including unlimited, is$15 a month. And unlike ice cream, it won't drip down your wrist or look nothing like the picture. Does anyone have any cash? Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three months, $90 for six months, or$180 for 12-month plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. see terms welcome back to fin versus history i'm joined by horatio gould and today is part two of our deep dive on the reformation yeah martin luther uh a great man loving this you're a pig in shit i am a pig in shit and i don't just mean in this episode i mean generally thanks to this man luther he has held up a mirror to me and i can see that i'm a pig and shit yeah and you like what you see it's my own relationship with shit i don't need some intermediary some middle man it's your own bureaucracity it's your own reading of what the shit means yes yeah um yeah i have uh i've been given a label finally to understand my own brain right yeah um presbyterian uh i'm an extremist and i'm just reading back my own history really yeah yeah but you're so hang on if you're mixed catholic so you're mixed race what how does that manifest though it's sort of like on the scale if you're it's all it's also in the straight gay scale isn't it yeah you know you drink back coffee i drink coffee with milk right i say no more do you know what i mean and it's like so i i definitely i enjoy subtext i enjoy poetry i enjoy art i enjoy visual things yeah but it does get too much sometimes right okay all right that's enough yeah yeah so i like a bit of gay stuff i like gay aesthetics to be honest i'm very visually gay yes you are just emotionally i'm straight as hell if you could yeah you would walk down the street in dungaree shorts wearing a little necktie but then the kind of uh crying at everything i don't relate to that no so that's the rare combination that is like i i want to be involved when we're gossiping it's all really fun yeah But when it gets too emotional, I'm like, well, I need to...

4:13When the dicks come out and they're putting people's hands... Yeah, I know that's my straight friends. So I drink black coffee. You drink coffee with milk. The Italians are putting ice cream in coffee. It's a new level. Okay? They are beyond repair. Who is working after that? Who's going to work having had a fucking affogato at 10 in the morning? Now, we didn't really deal with Martin Luther, the man. The man, the myth, the legend. The man, the myth, my king, my legend. But we find him now at the Diet of Worms. Yeah, I guess this is your love of German history as well. Martin Luther is a real...

4:49There's something intrinsically German about him. Yes, yes. The kind of intenseness, I guess. Again, he's the first sort of person... Is there a humorlessness to Martin Luther? Sure, of course. A serious, yeah. But also a... Groundedness to him. You know, there's no element of fantasy. No. Or like hope. Yeah. There's a realism. there's a coldness there's a logic but actually this I like it that you say these words as if they're positive that's the tone you're saying but they sound negative these are my prayer beads cold, he's boring it's fantastic he's difficult to be around, unimaginative he's not actually boring we're going to get into boring next episode you think Luther's boring hold my non-alcoholic beer I give you John Calvin but anyway now we're in the diet of worms 1521 in the first reich the holy roman empire and to recap martin luther has built on the work of friends he's been running his mouth he has been running his mouth he's gone viral yeah um he's been running his printing press running his printing press because this is not this is not him typing right no you have to build i don't know i think you you build it it's like a piano isn't it you push buttons and they i think how does the printing press work you build the type the type and then you press it all at once it's like a big typewriter it's like a piano and someone pulls a lever and a letter yes or do you build the whole you build the whole thing fuck so you you build the book yeah and then you press the book i guess you can do that loads yeah but it's once you've done it but then when did they work out when did they work out that a typewriter you could actually write the typewriter um invented because i feel like typewriters are quite late given how small a step it is in logic to go from printing press to typewriter 1868 yeah that is late very late because really i would have made that jump i reckon instantly i mean instantly i'd gone well hang on there's a we can make this more efficient i probably would come up with a with a macbook yeah i would you're right actually i would just come up with an iphone i'll just come up with chat gbt in 1600s and i would have been like done yeah uh yeah so yeah that is interesting that they hadn't quite worked they had they made the whole book the whole book was it just pages it's pages at a time but then they must have they must have like 200 plates i think they have every letter this is what i'm imagining they have every letter in the alphabet and they build each two pages at a time because it's a two-page spread yeah and then if you're making a thousand copies just do a thousand of those next two pages thousand of those next to the so it still takes fucking ages it is it's not actually that good is it yeah but what was the other option typewriter no no before this again you know what's this replacing because before this is replacing gossip this is replacing word of mouth yeah no but there's people writing the whole imagine if you want to make a copy of a book you had to write it oh god no to write it out but then no one's got anything to do also yeah anyway so the printing press has meant luther's ideas have spread and he has been summoned to the diet of worms by charles v the holy roman emperor now we should deal with charles v get a photo of him up because he looks insane charles v oh is this the guy with the chad jaw line yeah yeah yeah that's my guy so charles v is a hapsburg and oh it's got that fucking Habsburg jaw, which is now coming into fashion again.

8:23You're joking. Well, the clavicular, right? It's like jaw maxing. Yeah, but that's not... No, no, no, no. Surely that's not. You're saying this is the first... If you're watching, we're looking at a photo... In a way, it's a Lux Maxxer. Charles V. I guess he's incest maxing. He is incest maxing, yeah. But it means that he's jaw-mogging everyone in Europe. He is jaw-mogging everyone. I'd say he's also downs-mogging people. uh he looks like i mean he looks like richard iii if he had down syndrome i mean he's an astonishing looking guy but he's also one of the most famous people in european history that we don't really um yes because he was also was he also charles v of spain yeah he like owned most of europe and had the pope in his pocket and um fucking mexico the aztecs he's the emperor of Of course.

9:12When do they discover, when does that all kick off? It's around this time, isn't it? The Aztec nonsense, is that 1530s? The exact time of, just before the Dight of Worms, Cortez meets Moctezuma. That is weird, isn't it? So Charles V, and this is important, he's fucking busy. Yeah. He's a busy guy. He's also got the biggest jaw. Well, maybe that's from stress. I got so stressed during my debut at Edinburgh that my jaw has a click that has never gone. I had that, and it does go, Does it? It does go. Did you get, was it from Edinburgh? Oh yeah, I think so. I had a period where I had, yeah, I had, no, it wasn't actually.

9:48This is when I woke up. This is after I broke up with my girlfriend. I was, I was dumped and I. Dear reader, he was dumped. Dear reader, I was dumped. And I basically, I was grinding my teeth so much at night that at one point, now this is very, very Presbyterian. This is the kind of extreme as I am. Hustle grind set. at night, asleep, grinding my teeth so much with, I suppose, unprocessed stress or, I guess, love grief, whatever you want to call it. Charlie can write some kind of poem. I don't know. Anyway, I was grinding my teeth at night and then basically I heard this pop and I got a fucking black eye.

10:24I woke up with a black eye. Oh my God. That's about to be the most Protestant way to deal with the heartbreak. Yeah, exactly. When you're like, love grief, I don't know what the fuck you call it. No, I'm fine. But then you, bang. and so I thought I woke up I genuinely thought I'd punch myself in the face during my sleep and that's what I told people I went and did old rope the next night and they're like what and I went I think I punched myself in the face in my sleep they were like really I went yeah I don't know and then a doctor I basically had like a kind of locked jaw and I had a click and he was like you know that'll be and then a dentist actually said no your teeth you've been grinding your teeth haven't you that'll be what that is right so maybe it is a protestant uh clicking jaw that just happens from yeah i basically burst my eye socket from grinding my teeth but you know uh i didn't need therapy yeah it's fine it's fine you know you can just grind your teeth and you can just grind your teeth like that is always an option you know there is better yourself up by your molars there's better help there's also worse help i'm a representative of worse help where you just grind your teeth yeah black eye and then you know time passes and you're fine.

11:32Anyway, this episode is brought to you by chat GPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about chat GPT work? It's the new way to use chat GPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give chat GPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans.

12:26months or$180 for 12 month plan required$15 per month equivalent taxes and fees extra new customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes may slow and network is busy see terms at farmers our honesty is contagious wait am i gonna catch honesty well when you're with farmers it's kind of inevitable well how long does it take to i lied to you when you asked if i knew what a deductible was i don't know my dad's birthday and i thought umbrella policies were for rainstorms actual rainstorms i have it don't i you don't just have honesty you have farmers learn more at farmers.com underwritten by farmers truck or fire insurance exchanges or affiliate products not available in every state i don't yeah he is stressed but he also he looks absolutely clapped uh and this is what is called the hapsburg jaw which is really is that really coming back in no no just the jawline the kind of yeah there's jawline but that that is that's mad okay anyway so uh he's the king of spain and he's the holy roman emperor and he's sort of a huge figure in european history we don't really know much about him anyway um he is elected uh in 1519 yeah and he's elected partly by frederick the wise luther's sponsor at the university of rittenberg um so he calls this diet of at worms and he's like right uh it's all kicking off in the holy roman emperor a lot of empire a lot of the princes in the regions are like oh this would be great if this luther guy was right because that would mean we could have more power over our regions so they're kind of latching onto it as a political course yeah so he's like henry 8th eventually did it's all very similar yeah so and i should say actually we're going to deal with the english reformation when we do henry 8th which is coming up this summer yeah separate thing it's a separate thing so anyway so at worms luther's like i don't want to go yeah because you're blatantly gonna do what you did to goose yeah and and so 15 20 luther eventually goes okay yeah i will i will go to the diet and i think he um doesn't he go there christ-like doesn't he sort of walk there with like barefoot with followers and he's kind of mimicking christ he's very consciously this is like a salt walk sort of like a salt but he's consciously mimicking christ uh on that whatever march christ does so he gets guaranteed safe passage and then at the diet luther gets they basically like did you write this yeah and he goes yeah yeah and then and then they say what of it yeah and what and what and what mate uh but they say do you stand by your arguments and then he says uh give me a sec give me a minute i just need to go to the toilet and then he takes a day a day of prayer which is kind of an awesome way to like be asked a question and be like can I just can I have a couple days give me a day or so I'll get back to you so he says he's going to take a day of prayer before answering you say it's like the viral Russell Brand moment yeah roughly what he's just there just going through I mean that is absolutely extraordinary television have you watched the whole thing you've got to give Pierce his flowers I mean that's an unbelievable moment there it is Morgan's got him there.

15:33And also Morgan having the kind of instincts to let that sit. The man who interrupts people more than anyone in TV, knowing this is the perfect - To not interrupt. Oh, it's extraordinary. It's incredible. Hilarious that he interrupts any woman ever. And then a serial rapist, he just, no, give him, here's the floor, please. Don't interrupt. Don't interrupt a man while he's looking for a Bible verse. Don't interrupt a man. Complete silence. What's that? A woman complaining. Oh, excuse me. No, I've got an opinion to say. Yeah, but that was, yeah, the Brand Morgan interview, if you've not seen it, the whole thing's extraordinary.

16:07I haven't watched the whole thing. Oh, it's joyous. He's throwing every word he knows out there. All of them. Back against the wall. Back against the wall. Fucking shitting out. Just getting a fucking tessaurus to everyone. Yeah, it's amazing. Anyway, so Luther takes a day of prayer before answering the second question, which is, do you stand by all this stuff? And then he comes back the next day, and I think he's like literally there's a council of whatever bishops or I don't know they're all like the Star Wars people right they're in the clothes and the and and the Emperor the fifth Emperor Charles V is there and he says unless I'm convinced by the testimony of the scriptures I am bound by the scriptures I've quoted and my conscience is captive to the word of God I cannot and will not recant anything since it is neither safe nor right to go against conscience so he's basically he's basically the first person to like bring up conscience the idea of a conscience yes because there's an argument that luther starts individualism yes very much so uh so he's the first person who goes to the church and says also having morality being based on an internal yeah idea as opposed to being told to you by a church yeah it's the first person who ever said I'm going to speak my truth.

17:28My truth, my lived experience. Yeah. That's very positive. It's the birth of identity politics. Interesting. The idea of a bound conscience. The notion that an individual's conscience informed by scripture is superior to the authority of the church council. He didn't invent the concept of conscience, but he basically elevates it to be on a par with anything the Catholic church does. Which is very radical. Hugely radical. Yeah. Yeah, he says at this Diet of Worms, here I stand, I can do no other. This is like, this shatters, shatters the Catholic worldview. Yeah. So he's basically stood up to the Holy Roman Emperor.

17:58So then Luther kind of escapes, sort of, because Charles V... Seize him? Maybe they... Or is it like that? Like Lord Farquhar. Yeah. Seize him. God, seize him. Nah. But I think actually the diet ends and then they all go home. And then later, Charles V releases the Edict of Worms, which declares that Luther's an outlaw who needs to be arrested. Because I think they take time to try and process what he said. Yeah, they must do. Yeah. They go home and bloody hell. They should have killed him. They should have. Crazy, they didn't. But they say he's an outlaw. He needs to be arrested, charged with heresy.

18:37His works are banned. It is a crime for anyone to help him and it is legal for anyone to kill him. Which is an interesting way of doing it because have they put a hit out on him or they just said, if you kill him, you're fine. But if you give him safe passage, you're a criminal. Right, yeah. Interesting. The interesting thing to do that, just it's because no one does that nowadays that it's legal for anyone to kill someone because this is saying it's not like legal for law enforcement to kill luther like any old fucking farmer yeah it's citizens arrest yeah it's that guy tried to be kind of fun if there was people like that well there are people like that they tried citizens arrest tony blair every day there's the guy yeah but it's not legal to kill him no they made it so it was like if you fancied killing someone it was you had a complete what but it's like the purge but for one person this is kia Keir Starmer says it's legal to kill one person.

19:27Yeah. Or whoever. Get out of your system. Yeah. So in order to protect him, his sponsor, Frederick III, gets him kidnapped by men dressed as bandits. And so Luther gets taken to Wartburg Castle in Eisenach. So Frederick keeps him alive and protects him because Frederick wants the devolution of power from the Pope. But also he's a star academic and he doesn't want the university to be like disgraced. Right. So yeah. Because it is surprising that the most powerful forces in Europe don't kill Luther. But this is also, I think at this time, maybe the Spain are at war with the French or something. And there's the Aztec stuff going on.

20:09There's a lot going on. I mean, he's stressed. He's waking up with a black eye. He's grinding his jaw so much. So Charles V can't really deal with it. And also he doesn't have any direct control over the Holy Roman Empire. This is why this didn't happen in Czechoslovakia with Hus. Because they didn't have that local power. In Saxony. In Saxony. So Martin Luther goes into hiding at a castle, Castle Vartburg, Fatburg, Fatburg Castle. And this is where, look, we're doing our best to stay off poo. Yeah, this is what I was reading the plan. I was like, in general, we've had meetings where we're like, look it's too easy to talk about shit there's obviously been moments where we've had to talk about it for a while but in general we need to aim higher as a podcast we cannot keep being lost in the realms of shit but sadly the historic relevance of shit we found ourselves once again having to do probably another 25 minutes on shit we are a protestant podcast okay we are all caked and shit and it's fine okay so just so you know we are trying to move away from shit we can't just this episode we do have to talk about shit we can't just talk to a priest about pooing ourselves and then suddenly we're free from shitting no okay this is luther's great thing we're all in the gutter i have a poo if you like is that martin luther king saying he needs to go to the toilet yes uh anyway so he goes into hiding and this is where um he kind of goes mad he grows a beard and bear in mind he has been he has been he's an intense guy he's an intense guy he's obsessed with his own bowel movements yes very much like Gandhi very very very similar to Gandhi he's also it seems like any his go-to analogy when he doesn't like something is to call it like shit so basically he's calling the Catholic Church like oh well your guys are all really pooey poopy pants you mean the poop rather than the Pope and he's like Beethoven's brothering it the great poop in Rome.

22:16So he's quoted as saying that he was in the sewer when he realized that spiritual salvation was achieved through faith rather than deeds and actions. He was constantly constipated. Now, while he's in exile, he is basically on the toilet the whole time. Which it must shape, a lot of his work shapes the Reformation. It's hard to know how much it is actual philosophical conscience and how much is the second brain as we know now. You're right. Which brain was he writing with? The first or second brain? I don't know. I feel the kind of misunderstanding of kind of you need ferments, you need kefir and stuff like that.

22:52This is probably the frustration is where a lot of this writing was coming from. But I don't, so hang on, just talk me through the extrapolation of Protestant theology from being constipated. Well, if you look at the fury and anger of his writings, because he's hauled away hiding in a basement. all he's got is a printing press and he's just sending up mad things the frustration of being constipated not seeing anyone that colours the type of writing he's doing and the intensity of the writing and that means that the flame of the refrigeration spreads a lot further because of how intense and heavy the writing he is I suppose it's keeping things it's keeping things inside isn't it much like me just grinding my drawers and my face explodes I just don't let it out bottle it up but he's writing from the toilet Yes, he is writing from the toilet.

23:39Yeah. So he invents individualism. Yeah, much like Gandhi, he's doing test cricket sessions on the toilet and he is saying revolutionary thought that comes to him. He has divine inspiration on the toilet. Yeah. He's obsessed with poo. So he does go mad when he's in the castle. Now, while he's doing this, he's translating the Bible from the original Greek into German. I'm just saying, maybe if he wasn't contemplated, he might have forgiven the Catholic Church. or yeah he might have gone out it's actually alright I should see the shit yeah that would be mad yeah I thought it was because I thought it was the god and devil because he also thinks keeps having visions of the devil and he keeps thinking because it's such a superstitious age he's feeling all these things he sees a black dog he thinks that's the devil he chucks it out the fucking window he does chuck a dog out the window yeah he defenestrates a dog you know and I think he probably just interprets this gut feeling this must be the devil trying to but if he was if he had cleared out his bowels he might have been like oh that's brilliant so what is it so it'd be like that being called the diet of worms in your poo yeah he'd be like I don't know why I was so angry sorry guys sorry I just really needed a poo you're not you when you need a shit yes that's the sort of so he's in the castle he thinks he sees the devil everywhere the devil's in his bowels he does as we said chuck a dog out a window but he had no choice no he was he was backed into a corner is that the new phrase for pooing I don't know if it's a euphemism I think he actually no he does actually chuck a dog out a window but I think that's symbolic of his frustration that he can't chuck all his poo out his arse.

25:08Oh, you think it's a cipher? I think it's a Freudian thing where he, the idea he sees it as representing the shit and he throws it out the window. Right, yeah. That's what he wants. He wants to defenestrate his shit out his arse. Because this is pre what's the opposite of Imodium? Laxative. It's pre-laxative. We should place this, shouldn't we? The Diet of Worms is in 1521. Yep. So keep it German. It's a So this is before we basballed Dresden. Yeah. Which is in Saxony. Yes, it is. You're right. Yeah. Before Dresden got taken to the cleaners. Yeah. And it's after Caesar holocausted the Saxons in Saxony.

25:53Did he? Yeah. You're saying there's another... There is another holocaust. The Celtic holocaust. How many are we talking? It's pretty big. One million. One million. I don't know about that. a million such a big such a big number so 60 bc yeah that's a lot of people i don't know about that i don't know anyway okay so we're in 1521 uh betwixt the holocausts yeah um yeah lovely that's the name of my new book between the holocausts in saxony yeah between the holocausts um so he's throwing a dog out a window uh he's he's he's writing constantly he's translating the bible into german scatology yeah what does that actually mean that's poo is it yeah but i was thinking that's scatting oh right but funny funnily enough uh scatology is obsession with um poo are there any courses in scatology uh well charlie's a scatologist he's a professional scatologist uh or a coprologist yeah now coprology is filth is that is that fucking poo what's what's fucking poo fucking poo is a charlie's native american name of course it is yeah fucking poo.

27:00No, but you can also, what's funny is that scatology is obsession with poo, but eschatology is obsession with the end times, the religious end times. They're quite close. They are quite close, so yeah. So if you're an eschatologist, you're talking about the apocalypse. And if you're a scatologist, you're talking about the poo-calypse. Yes? What if you're a scat eschatologist? You're a scat, you're an, right. You believe the end times is poo. We'll drown in poo. Yeah. Yes, you're right. you believe that when you go to the toilet and poo the world will end yeah yeah let's let's save our poo talk for the immense amount of quotes we've got coming up as well yeah we've got a lot coming up just just to be very clear because we need to make sure that everyone's on our side coprophilia is the psychological term for a sexual fetish involving feces coprophagia is the specific act of consuming feces so you're a coprophagist copro copro copro it's co-production um scatter Neucephilia refers to sexual pleasure derived from feces.

28:00Often used in the phrase scat play. Scat play. Scat play does just sound, sounds too jazzy. Yeah, but it is pretty jazzy. It's pretty jazzy. There's no structure to it. But again, that is all Catholic stuff, personally. We are in the missionary only world. Okay. Doggy is the devil. Yeah, okay. Okay. Reverse cowgirl is the devil. it's just about missionary yeah get it done get it done and do it with a don't don't do it like yeah do it like you're doing your taxes be as bored yeah also the female orgasm is catholic yeah yeah okay if we're being calvinist about this it's just for procreation so uh he's a grumpy old poo guy uh stuck in a castle chucking dogs out the windows um and he also now does he marry when he's in the castle.

28:55Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. Tell the listeners what you just put on the screen. Tell the listeners what you just put on the screen. A man called Simon packs shit into condoms and fucks and sucks them. And that's... I mean, I don't think we can't show that. We can't show that. Charlie. I'm going to be sick. It's absolutely disgusting, Charlie. I'm going to be sick. That is awful. I think he's in a car as well. Who's letting him in the car? We've got actual historical shit to deal with. Let's not bring up pictures of shit on Reddit. We've got enough. Sorry, that's one guy, three shits, isn't it? That's one guy, three cups of shit.

29:32Come on, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. Get rid of it. Get rid of it. Get rid of it. So Martin Luther is in the car. Sorry, I'm going to be sick. Martin Luther marries Katharina von Bora. Bora. so he's a former monk and she's a former nun okay let the dog see the rabbit let's have a look at Catherine von Bora let's have a look at her let's see how von Bora-ing she is this is the original Ava Brown let's have a look at her a little bit of a von Bora last night fucking hell I don't hate it it's not too bad she's got a devilish knowing look oh lovely actually for the age I think I think she's a bit of a smoke show yeah so while he's in there while he's hiding obviously the Pope is supposedly trying to find him.

30:22Quote, Luther says, almost every night when I wake up, the devil is there and wants to dispute with me. I've come to this conclusion. When the argument that the Christian is without the law and above the law doesn't help, I instantly chase him away with the fart. He calls the Pope's teachings farts out of his stinking belly. Basically, if he ever has an argument in his head about Catholicism, he farts it away. I think he means he's constipated. The devil is constipating him. right and so him farting is an act of defiance against the devil right yeah the elimination is so hard that i'm forced to press with all my strength even to the point of perspiration he's sweating on the toilet trying to do a poo if it was mixed with blood then there was a relief and almost a pleasure in pooing so i was often inclined to defecate and if it was touched with the finger it itched pleasurably he's talking about the blood flowed but it's also like um Martin, why are you telling us this?

31:16He's talking about scratching his piles. Yeah, but Martin, why are you writing? Is he printing press in this? I think he is. He's in his diaries. Has this been put into the printing press? And the Protestant reformers are like, I don't know. Is this diary? Martin, I don't. Yeah, so I suppose. I guess we shouldn't be reading Martin's diary. No, we shouldn't be reading his diary. Dear devil, I have shattered my pants and breeches. Hang them on your neck and wipe your mouth with them. Is this what Anne Frank's diary is about? I've not read that one. Is she talking about this? anyway yeah he's he's going mad yeah right pooing in a castle he's married katherine uh uh and his friends say that he's just irritable and he's getting gout a lot yeah he's i mean listen a 16th century german diet yeah is not one that it's dodgy i mean we were talking about loose stools on the gandy episode this is some of the firmest stools you can get while he's in there starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times your to-do list may feel endless with new tasks and lists can easily begin to overrun your life.

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34:19Every plan to just$15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three months,$90 for six months, or$180 for 12-month plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only. Greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. See terms. the Reformation he's kind of like set he's set something in train so now I can't remember the names but there are these guys that basically start a kind of their own like violent Reformation in and around Wittenberg and this leads to the German Peasant War of 1525 where these movements are inspired by Luther and they're actually much more radical than Luther in what sense?

35:00they start toppling statues This is the first statue topless. Topless? Statue topless. They're like tearing out of churches. They're tearing down idols. They're more kind of towards Calvin than Luther. Luther actually isn't that boring. He still believes in bread and wine. He just doesn't like the political organization of the church. He just likes the match of boringness. Yeah. He's simply the, yeah. But what I find about the Reformation is it's not like, often with these revolutionaries they have like a a figure who's the figurehead who's the revolutionary and there's a cult of personality he just gets it going and then everyone's doing their own thing and it breaks into a million different pieces yeah it doesn't really have like a focal point in the same way well this is judean people's front isn't it because suddenly once he ultimately breaks the monopoly the church has on like authority yeah everyone starts coming out of the woodwork so these guys in uh wittenberg the zvikal prophets they preach ideas like adult baptism and the equality of all men yeah right so this is communist filth this is google adult diapers exactly um and so the wittenberg town council asked luther to return in order to calm the revolts so adult baptism which we'll get onto a lot when we talk about the amish which is that's quite interesting because that's basically saying that you need to be an adult so you can consent to your own baptism.

36:25Like Russell Brand. He was baptized as an adult. Right, yes. But then he doesn't... Because ironically, he needed to consent to the baptism. Yeah. Yeah, so this is the idea that you should know, go willingly into what you're doing. So Luther returns to Wittenberg in secret in March 1522. And he basically tries to banish the Zwickau prophets and work with the authorities to restore order. Zwickau prophets is a good band name. It's Vickhouse. It's Vickhouse. Yeah. So, but the problem is, is that all the new, more radical Protestants, they think Luther's going to lead them. Not even... Why is Ian Watkins on the screen?

37:06The prophets. The lost prophets. Lost prophets. That's why. The lost Protestants. He got killed the other day, didn't he? He got killed in October. A year ago, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Minute silence. Mm-hmm. For Ian. Friend of the pod.

37:25right so not the Zwickau sorry yes the Zwickau prophets not the lost prophets sorry I can see what happened there anyway Luther banishes the Zwickau prophets who were radical but I suppose not as radical as some of Ian Watkins ideas this is where it's ended up go on unpack that one take us from the 95 theses to Ian Watkins it's your own truth isn't it yeah is that how it's your own relationship you know he was framing it is that how he was framing it i don't know or was he like yeah i think it was more like that fuck you man which is which is it is no hang on hang on i'll explain go on i wanted to get onto this actually but i might as well talk about it now but being an emo is protestant that this is the long road to fuck you mum yeah to be fair ian watkins wasn't saying fuck you mum he was saying yes but he he had his own interpretation on the text right i see okay he read between the lines i think he misunderstood crucially i think he was a violently misunderstood man but no culture treats their parents with more anger than a protestant culture everywhere around the world be it africa china south america the mediterranean yeah you're taught to respect your parents no and to not question that in protestant countries you're taught to say fuck you fuck you mom because all the kind of where are you that is yeah you're right you are angst yes you know yeah hamlet is a very protestant character in many ways you're dealing with your own consciousness and like your own relationship with these things that that's not a catholic thing it's basically saying all my i fucking hate my family oh like that is yeah you know yeah you can't do that you can't you could it doesn't really work in the cultures it's about getting around the table together as one collective unit.

39:18But here it's like, no one understands me. Yeah, they're in the bedroom. They don't get me. Self-harm is prostitutes, I suppose. Very much so. Yeah, you're right. I still don't really like the idea that me and Watkins are cut from the same cloth. Yeah, well, you know. Where is Watkins? Different sides of the same cloth. He's born in Wales. Okay, fine. Fine. He's Welsh. Yes. so anyway let's get back to the German peasant war rather than the war that Watkins had with his own cunty mugshot sorry he's got a very cunty mugshot I think that's the least of his crimes yeah I think can we get him off please yeah come on Charlie come on don't know what's worse just the amount of Watkins you've had on the screen or a man eating three poos in the condom anyway so now he's trying to keep the peace but this is what's interesting is that this is a tension a um you know luther's sort of a my moderate conservative so it's a social revolution by moderate conservative right yeah right so he's basically saying he's trying to keep the peace yeah and yet he's let loose this sort of people who want to go much further yes yeah the revolts basically kick off uh and this is the largest popular uprising in europe before the french revolution really yeah so there's these guys called thomas munter munter yeah all the names are brilliant brilliant and andreas karlstadt uh and uh he now luther says these guys are is the work of the devil uh and he comes out they're protestant yeah but they're too far they've gone too far this is you know but this is this is um woke twitter culture right yes it is yeah easy itself they're not real they know they don't fit the exact thing exactly yeah so um luther comes out against the uprisings and many of the rebels then leave the movement but then uh there's these massive battles between uh the kind of authorities the the holy roman princes yeah and these uh rebels led by munster and carlstadt and there's the battle of frankenhausen in may 1525 which i think is the uh inspiration for the biggest painting in the world is that right the biggest painting ever he's gone for it i've gone for it i think he's hang himself out to he's left his belly open oh here we go no it's the peasants war panorama the largest oil painting in the world um it depicts the 1525 battle of frankenhausen with over 3 000 figures and it's an east german painting it's an east german painting because east germany during the gdr they try and claim munster and carlstadt as proto-communists yes well there's there is a there is a link i do feel between luther and marx and a lot of this these ideas the purity if you think about the communist aesthetic yes yes there's something quite protestant there is something like yeah purity yeah stripping back uh luxuries like there's a huge the fact that they're both german brutalism yeah yeah definitely um so luther comes out against the uprisings uh and they get defeated and so then uh after the uprising uh luther um So peace returns.

42:29That's when he marries Bora. Yeah. And he starts a new church known as the Lutheran Church. So... And the Lutheran Church, it takes off in Sweden. Like, where's the Lutheran Church today? Sweden? Germany and Scandinavia. Yeah. We don't really seem to have Lutheran stuff here. You don't hear that said. We're Calvinists, and we'll get into what that is next episode. But Lutheran is... So part of the reason, like, Scandinavia is so kind of always on a level... do you know what i mean temp yeah temperate yeah um they're also there's they're more happy with a sense they have a small sense of communalism than the the sort of rabid individualists of britain and america it's true but so i got a swedish friend and he said that the swedish mindset is different if you look at any society there's like you kind of can have two or three things which is the sense of you're all together as one state you're all together as one family and the individual, right?