Rasclaatputin & The Hebephile Prince | The Russian Revolution of 1917 (Part 2/5)

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1:28get rid of our mugs when I would send dick pics I used to put little get rid of our mugs would you mugs I can see our faces I would put like a little emoji on the bell end because I just I felt like it took the edge off like a little clock on the knob or it depends if it's solicited or unsolicited I'd never send them ones listed. So someone's asked for a dick pic and you put a little totem or a clock. But they're asking to see the whole hog, brother. Yeah, but I was just a bit insecure about it. Can you get Russian salad off while we're talking about this, please? When I send a picture of a dick pic, I just put a Russian salad at the end of it and go, that's what mine smells like.

2:03My dick smells like Russian salad. Anyway, welcome back. Cold open, I reckon. Welcome back to Finner's History. My dick smells like Russian salads. This is this is part two of our uh biggest series yet epic on the russian revolution the long road to gary stevenson uh the worst guy you know at a house party at 4am telling you about how to fix the world now our last episode was a big sweeping pile of context uh this episode we are digging in to the life and times of one of history's great characters ross putin ross clad putin um the jamaico russian monk yeah it's alternative universe putin yeah if he grew up in kingston jamaica yeah uh and he tries to seize saint bart um rasputin is one of uh it this is one of the fun ones yes this is probably my favorite bit of the revolution quite a unique historic figure really yeah i don't really know any any bloke like him he's one of those people where it's like you're a new kind of bloke yeah i mean i i guess russell brand is the closest russ russ klatsbrant do you reckon he should go into wrestle he should he should go into court with one of those hats with the with the dreadlocks attached and go i know russell brand me name rasklad brand fair enough yeah well fair enough fair enough it couldn't well if you let us know if you find the real russell brand yeah but we haven't found him anywhere so all right you're off sorry rasklad brand the old playing the old rasklad defense pleading the rasklad we not we not heard no russell brand my name rasklad bland me or lick a woman when she asks me to um anyway welcome back this is part two now rasputin yeah the closest we have really to him is sort of russell brandon that he is this you know on the face of it mystic quasi mystical sex craze you know for some men hate him women want to fuck him yeah like no one really has this piercing eyes piercing eyes this sort of yeah warped soul that women can't help but fall them fall over yeah um shape shifter shape shifter yeah um sort of quasi-religious but not yes vaguely spiritual yeah vaguely spiritual rapist allegedly yeah i sort of believe in god and stuff anyway on the shag yeah yeah i reckon god told me to for you to take your pants off or whatever you need whatever you need from me to fuck you you're muslim i'll be muslim i don't care whatever i'm into all that shit yeah so jizz bar sorry i'll just bar is that what you want that enough um so rasputin yeah we left off with the the romanov family in about 1905 they've just had a son and their son is a hebrew yeah the son is attracted to 13 14 year old girls specifically even though he's uh 11 days old and they think, fuck, this is terrible.

4:59How's he going to... Yeah, and it's also, it's been a long road to get this son, even though we touched on this briefly in the last episode. They've had four horrible daughters. They've had four, every time they just keep trying to have a son and she just keeps putting out daughter after daughter after daughter. there's no scans where you find out the sex. There's no gender reveal party. So it's just fucking disappointment every time. The gender reveal party and it's more than that because it's the air reveal party. It's whether you've got an air or not. Huge deal. Huge deal. It's like the new Pope, White Smoke.

5:26Because yeah, if they don't get a son the whole line could be devastated do you reckon mixed race couples would ever do like a race reveal party you know when there was that big fuss black or white smoke yeah like the Pope or brown black brown or white smoke is that why it's always white smoke because it's always a white Pope if they ever had an African Pope they'd put black smoke out and I'm like whoa it's a black Pope it's a black Pope shit why are you gay he's Pope fuck probably would be a bit like that Pope why are you gay the first yeah a black Catholic Pope probably would be like, why are you gay?

5:57Yeah, they would be. I reckon that's the next, because we've had quite liberal popes recently, haven't we? Yeah. The next stage is this massive, massive swing back to like hard, conservative African pope. Yeah, yeah. That'd be great. Literally the why are you gay pope. Comes out on St. Peter's balcony, you are gay, you are transgender. Anyway. Russ Gladbulten, we're talking about the four daughters and one son. There's no gender reveal party. Every, you know, Nicholas II is at the lady end of, he's looking at his lady being destroyed by another terribly useless girl. A useless daughter keeps flying out of his lady's lady.

6:35Yeah. There's lady upon lady. It's all grim stuff. And finally, they have this son, this heir, but he's even weaker than Nicholas II. He's a cuck inside a cuck. He's a cuck inside a cuck. He's a Russian cuck doll. What are those things called? Russian dolls, yeah. Yeah, but what's the name? Babushka. Yeah. The Bushka dolls. Yeah. The cuck fuck. The cuck fuck. The cuck fucks. It's a cuck within a cuck. And yeah, he cut me and he bleeds. He doesn't stop bleeding. Cut me and he bleeds cuck. You cut me and I bleed till I die. That's the saying. Rather than cut me and I bleed Russia, cut me and I bleed.

7:11Cut me and I'm dead. I'm probably dead. Cut me and I'll die. I won't stop bleeding. I can't. There's no blood clad in Alexei Romanov. So this is terrifying because they knew this was going to happen. because Alexandra's - The Hessian princess. The Hessian princess. She's got bad genes. Yeah. There's some haemophilia somewhere in the family. Yeah. And so pretty much instantly they know, fuck, he's got this. Yeah. He's not going to live very long. So they start looking around for anyone to help. And she's, you know, she's had five kids. She's, I don't know, she goes kind of full white woman, would you argue, Alexandra?

7:49Yeah. You know, she is paranoid back to the corner. so her personality sort of becomes crystals. Yeah, she goes full wacky. You know, I don't know if you've ever walked down Columbia Road Flower Market. I used to live on Columbia Road. Well, nearly all the shops there seem to be owned by women, wives of rich men who need a hobby. They all seem to sell the same things in different orders. Yeah, yeah. And it just feels like... It's mad. You can do what you want, just leave me alone. Yeah, they're all fronts for women to... fill the space yeah in between childcare and alexandra she nags nicholas a lot and he's like do whatever you want and she's like well i've got into mystical stuff the occult stuff but we should stress that around this time the russian elite were really into some messed up shit right like there's a huge uh it's hard to talk about without in my head i'm just imagining like footage of seances possibly doing seances with adam curtis talking over the top of it because that that's kind of to me you know at the beginning of the 20th century the true ghost was the the specter of the russian people in many ways they were rehearsing their own annihilation they'd lost the world had collapsed nothing comes strange yeah it become weird yeah they were they were they were talking to dead people uh they had lost any sense of themselves they no longer believed in the ronald so you've got this weird thing at the start of the 20th century in russia where the elite start going for seances they start doing ouija boards they're obsessed with the occult i mean there's a large we talked about russian orthodoxy there's a large mysticism in it as compared to the phrase straight down the line yes none of that please yeah it's wild asiatic i work i work hard and then i die and i go to a slightly nicer room that's that's life and death russians are like suffering peggy being pegged up the ass gives me bliss and then there's a kind of mystical wackadoo asian element to it as well so there's lots of mad sects as well of russian orthodoxy which we'll get into but there's also uh do russian monk who's never met a woman so this this seems to be one of these kind of like intense orthodox monks so i don't think we know as well because we kind of understand what kind of catholic sex look like yeah right the russian monk who is said to have never met a woman is milhail tolostos who lived for 82 years within the strict confines of mount athos a greek monastery but still orthodox where women are forbidden tolso is raised by monks after being orphaned and never saw a woman during his lifetime christ the dream the luckiest man the luckiest man who ever lived wow that is the ultimate incel well that's a man that's a man at peace who's never been that doesn't it that's a man who's never been asked to change a hoover bag never been asked for directions he's able to watch films entirely in peace.

10:39He's never been asked, who's that? Is that a bad guy? What's happened to him? Yeah. My God. What a hero. Go on. Are the people who don't wank or have sex, do they? No fap. Yeah, no fappers. Are they leaking? Do they just explode and leak all the time? I think probably, yeah. I think they're not all the time, but the wet dreams would be insane. You know how you talked about how your mum, was it your mum who used to be a nurse? Yeah. And the worst thing was about a guy vomiting or pink sock a guy pooing out their mouth yeah are you saying that a guy who doesn't wank can just sort of cum just comes out of his mouth he gets rushed into A &E and then he's chitting out of his mouth quick someone wank this guy off he's gonna just drowning in your own cum like Hendrix drowning in vomit there's a guy just who hasn't wanked for 80 years and he's just drowning in cum coming out of his mouth is that how this guy died yeah the wet dreams this guy must have there's no more but then he doesn't really know what a woman even looks like so I don't know where this horniness is sort of like but we don't know he's horny he's in this he's horny he's definitely horny what do you mean he's definitely horny he's never met a woman yeah but it doesn't have to be he could just look at a nice you know another monk or like he could have been gay also drippiest robes as far as Christian sex go so when he has a wet when he has a wet dream does he not know what's making him come.

12:05Yeah. Like, what's he dreaming of? God, probably. God. The sky. That's crazy. Do you think there are any monks who've kind of, you know, they hold it down for 50 years, but then they break and then they have, they wank and then they go on a big bender. Yeah, yeah. That's famously what happens. Do you think there's any monks? Yeah, I reckon there's a couple. Yeah. I reckon there's articles on a few. I mean, the archbishop of Canterbury has just had to resign because of all the naughty stuff. But fucking a monk would be quite, there's something quite sexy about that i think right what they're slapping their bald head you just finally get them grabbing onto the hair bit what you mean like it's a handle on spit on the bald patch in the same way that like men want to take girls virginities you want to take a monk's yeah so the monk would be like we shouldn't we really it's so sinful yeah and like that feeling you want to be the boy that corrupts the monk but to be fair fucking a monk from behind hold the ridge is like a pasty ridge that you can hold do you know what i mean and just hold in that little fuck handle like that would be great what if his hair he was holding it up or holding that bit up yeah the ring of the hair at the back or you'd just you'd make it a bunt like that yeah and you want to spit on his bald patch they'd be so ashamed afterwards as well they'd be so ashamed yeah because you'd ruin their life yeah you'd collapse their life well you're kind of saying when you rape a monk that they feel ashamed afterwards I don't know if that's no you don't rape them they want it but then afterwards they feel bad now you sound like Russell Brand no they wanted it right anyway so there's a huge turn at the start of the 20th century towards mysticism uh and so i'm my point is is that alexandra looking for mystics is not in a vacuum no this is this is kind of part of the russian elite and there is a uh a man born he's born out in the wilds in siberia rossky siberia deep siberia now what i do you know what siberia is what do you think siberia is charlie um mountains no but what do you think it is as an entity just like a kind of county yeah that's what i mean i think i know because i thought siberia was a region but it's kind of basically like the wild west yeah because the wild west you're saying our equivalent if you're naughty you get sent to worcester yeah i think worcester's lovely no it's siberia i don't think so i think siberia is like lincolnshire my point is siberia is not a county it's two thirds of russia right yeah in the same way the wild west is everything west of the mississippi yeah it's more of like an expanse so siberia i think is east of the urals right so it's just everything all of wild russia is siberia it's not a place yeah it's kind of a concept right city stop yes yeah so it's most of russia's siberia yeah it's not like this one region so rasputin is born in Siberia, a literate peasant.

14:49And quite early on, people start to... I think his mum, and this is classic Russian stuff, my mum's love suffering, Russians love suffering. His mum has seven children, all of them die in infancy or in childbirth. Rasputin is the first one to not. And she's obviously like, oh, fuck. He's lived. I was loving it when all my kids were dying. I never felt more alive than when every kid I had, seven out of seven were dead. And now I've been cursed with a son who's live past three christ well he's gonna have a terrible time i might as well kill myself to feel anything um they love suffering and so rasputin is the first one who lives and so people quite early on in his village are like this guy who's this who's this guy he's five he's five what devil incarnate is this um he's illiterate obviously everyone in this village there's only a tavern and a church that's the only thing and the rest is just 15 huts um he gets suspected early on of um being a horse thief uh he loves nicking horses he's sort of also uh he communes with horses i think he's got early brushes with religious visions which is kind of he's a he's a con man sort of he's russell brand you're right yeah he is i mean he's right but um which by the way russell brand recently it's amazing his grift is just getting he is an artist brand's grift yeah he's recently been on his ramble thing and after all the shit he said he's now did a two minute spoken ad for coffee that anti-aging coffee right that's called 1776 so it's like alpha yeah independent conservative anti-aging coffee right so it's wackadoo uh biohacking that's also built into conservative republican declaration of independence and he's shifting that's fucking mad along with his amulets that protect you from airport wifi that costs 300 quid so you've got conservative biohacking yeah because I guess like oil of ole is quite wet isn't it yeah and like anti-aging cream but that's normally seen as hippie that's what I mean and now it's got 1776 man anti-aging it's fucking bonkers but calling anti-aging cream after a year that's very old coffee it's coffee it's coffee but it's in which is even weirder yeah I don't understand this at all yeah look like you're from 1776 you look fucked you drink this you look fucking old bizarre anyway anyway so he Rasputin marries at 19 becomes a dad that's not the defining point of his life he starts to get the sense that maybe he doesn't want to be a stay at home dad doesn't want to go after his kids so he says oh God's quite convenient I'm going to become religious and he starts becoming this sort of wandering religious figure called a stranic pilgrim where you sort of wander around push your limits train with precision see the results at equinox that's high performance loving iconic spaces that inspire personal training backed by real data unlimited group fitness classes from yoga and pilates to strength and conditioning elevate your post-performance ritual with saunas steam rooms cold plunges and more everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at equinox start today at equinox.com

18:05Star Wars The Mandalorian and Grogu is now streaming on Disney+. What are you waiting for? Hop on. The must-see galactic adventure comes home on Disney+. This is the way. Our only chance is to work together. I like this kid. Always wear your seatbelt. Star Wars The Mandalorian and Grogu. Now streaming on Disney+. Rated PG-13. So you're not worried about hosting the whole family for the holidays? Why would I be? Wayfair had everything I needed to get the house holiday ready. What if Mike brings his cheerful dogs? My tree has tons of five-star reviews telling me how sturdy it is. But what if everyone's plus one brings a plus one?

18:49We'll see how extendable this extendable table really is. And extra chairs are on the way. Okay. What if there's a blizzard and everyone has to sleep over? Ready to go with extra bedding and towels. From guest-ready essentials to holiday decor you can trust, Wayfair delivers. There is a sect, a mad sect in the Russian Orthodox, it's called the Klist or the Klisty. And what these guys do is they have these mad rituals. Now, like what we were chatting about in the last episode about Russian Orthodox mysticism, suffering. These fuckers, right? It's speaking in tongues. So all of them, they get in a big circle and they wrap a rope around their neck and it goes around everyone's neck.

19:29And they basically all like chant and throttle each other. Right? And they're like... and they try and get high off the asphyxiation and then they this is all like so group strangle wanks group strangle wanks right like a chain gang strangle wank right and they go and then they all collapse when just before they all die and they immediately all fuck each other they just start fucking the person next to them and it's like the suffering the near death the pain there's also not a lot to do in siberia yeah i mean there's no yeah it's fucking boring so you're some mad stuff out there because there is nothing to do this is a real this is a real argument for tiktok and all this brain yeah because it's like yeah back in the day before phones we'd go out we'd make our own fun no we wouldn't we would we'd be out in the forest we would strangle wanking as a chain gang strangle wanks what a thing chain wank gang chain wank gang it's all in there somewhere um but they'd all pass out and just fuck each other in the snow with relief yeah that they lived even though it was like well you need to kill yourself because you're an idiot yeah so they also did self-flagellate.

20:32I mean, hard comes though. Oh, one of the hardest comes. Yeah. I mean, we've never... Ayahuasca ceremony level comes. I'm not coming this hard. No. Nowhere even near. I'm sort of coughing, sort of humiliating me into a toilet. I'm coming so weakly that immediately I'm like, I'm straight back to work. Right, back to work. Right, anyway. Anyway. Basically a sneeze. Yeah, exactly. I'm coming like a sneeze. These guys are coming like projectile vomiting. Oh! like like the doctor who regenerating that's how they're coming they become a different person they come so hard superman yeah they just they're turning into david tenet they're coming so hard but they'd also they'd self-flagellate which is whipping each whipping themselves this is how they're coming oh yeah right yeah yeah so charlie's got up the uh raiders of the lost ark scene this is this is how they're coming yeah yeah they exploding yeah that's how they're coming it's some pretty hard comes to be fair if i was in deep siberia with a load of peasants and serfs i bet i could convince them quite a lot of stuff yeah do you know what i mean hey guys i found a really long rope i've got an idea why don't we all tie this around each other's necks and fuck each other all right yeah oh sounds good what else are you doing today i don't know looking for bread yeah exactly

21:48yeah there's fuck all to do so um got anything else on no uh are you gonna do the um are you to sit at home and look at a wall yeah i don't really know it sounds like i'm gonna shiver in this heart on my own it sounds like a good way to stay warm if nothing else it's fucking freezing out here um so he's a he's a clisty so he's into some mad stuff right so rasputin meets this guy while he's wandering around called makari look at his photo look at these look at these guys so rasputin's on the right um makari is uh basically a like rasputin is not really a priest in the proper sense no he's obviously attracted to it because he's he's like i'm spiritual yeah he's one of those guys exactly he's vaguely spiritual yeah he's a sex addict yeah um he's which as yeah uh which i used to say a joke about russell brand he's a sex addict what he means by that he's a rapist but he's got a podcast right um so he's a sex addict and mackery what mackery does is he sits him down he goes no listen the thing about being religious spiritual is that you can only be holy if you if you sin yes like you only get to be an example of holiness if you live a life of sin as well and so here starts this kind of mad duality which is particularly russian orthodox i think where you are you have to travel in the world of sin to know anything about what sin is yes if you've not sinned you do not know what sin is how can you which is russell brand's entire defense yeah like he comes out and he says no i i have sinned i'm a dirty filthy sinner i was never a rapist but i've sinned of course i have you know that you know i had sex with women he didn't want to have sex with me i'm a sinner of course i'm not a rapist um but that's his whole he's you know to be fair to russell brand i don't know anyone who's defended themselves in court by building a world yeah like he's built this whole other universe that's his new reality yeah that is going to be well it's quite interesting to see where the legal system can punch through that I mean it probably can yeah that's why it's there but but so Macri convinces Rasputin that yeah you can be a priest because you can still fucking bang rocks man you can still do it because then you know you can tell people to not do that and you can keep doing it because you keep having to realise how bad it is but then if if someone was kept on fucking and sucking and kept being like no you wouldn't like this that would piss me off that's his argument A guy with an orgy is strangling himself.

24:17This is terrible. This is really bad. This is sin. I'm just experimenting with this to make sure it's not... It's basically like, you know, just saying, you know, let me just taste if that's any good. Yeah, yeah. You've eaten your whole pudding, then you don't want that. You don't want it. You'd hate it. It's not like, yeah, checking for poison. Yeah, it's that. Instead, it's with orgies. But checking for a good time. Yeah, it's brilliant. You'd hate it. You'd hate this. No, it's not for you. So then when he realises, Macri kind of unlocks that in his head, and he realizes he can still be a naughty fuck boy and be convincingly a priest.

24:47So he starts to enter the Tsar's court in the early 20th century. So he arrives in St. Petersburg in 1903, starts to gain traction with the clergy and an aristocracy that are looking for wild sex freaks. But yeah, but that's often, you know, it spices things up, things get stale. You want something spices up court-like. It's the decadence at the end of 300 years of Romanov rule, right? So he meets these Montenegrin princesses called the Black Crows. They were white. They just had big noses. Right. Beaks. They're big old hooters. And one of them knows the Tsarina. Anyway. Yes. And he's got a real attraction to power.

25:30Yeah. And like ambitions. And he has a real influence over people. He has a true charisma, deep piercing eyes. and what doesn't come in the photos every photo he looks terrifyingly intense you get some more photos up of him he looks literally like a devil but something to know about him is he had a great time he had a good laugh he was funny he was charming he might look intense in photos that's just his that's just his photo face well yeah apparently he was actually very funny and like sociable but he never you never saw this in his photos yeah I guess it's early photography isn't it when everyone looked boring and oh that's quite a fun one there where he's doing that but he had But now he had this awful, horrible, lanky beard.

26:12He'd eat with his hands. Huge man. Big guy. He'd eat with his hands. He'd always have food in his beard. Right. Apparently he smelled like a goat. And apparently men always used to say like, this guy fucking stinks. And women used to be like, I want to fuck that guy. Real man. Like they could smell, the smell of the man would drive them wild. Like he's giving off pheromones. Right. Only women are picking up. Men are being like, that guy, can you get that tramp out of it? And women are just like, oh yeah, women just want to suck and fuck him. Yeah. Because the horrible musky emits just fucking, he's like an animal.

26:48Sends their ovaries on fire. Right, right, right. So women in the, you know, elite women, the court, they're all loving him. And he introduced to Tsar Nicholas II and Alexandra just after Bloody Sunday, which is now what we ended with. Bloody Sunday. Do you want to, do you want to pick up where we left off with Bloody Sunday? On Bloody Sunday? Yeah. Yes. so bloody sunday it was a massacre from a peaceful protest and it kind of severs the myth that the of the czar is the little father yeah as the kind of like protector of the people farty he's not by farty anymore yes uh triggers revolutions all over the country about um bad conditions because this revolution is going through the country uh naturally forms these kind of local councils of workers coming together and speaking and trying to have some sort of representation and those are called in russian soviet means meeting yeah and so the word soviet comes from that basically union of meetings that's it christ fucking boring country the union of me the union of meetings yeah that's what that country means yeah the union of meetings of speaking together of bureaucracy of talking trotsky sets up the the most important moment to the St.

28:01Petersburg Soviet. But yes, basically they repress. They send all of the communist leaders, early communist leaders who will get to. They will get either exiled to Siberia or have to escape to Europe, right? There's a big crackdown from the army and it fails as a revolution in 1905. But there's a small concession that he sets up the Duma. Duma, Duma. Duma, Duma and Glooma. Duma and Duma. Dumb and Duma. He sets up the Dumb and Duma. Everyone, all their MPs have to have that haircut. And now a question from the MP for Zibir. He wants to undermine the authority of it. That's why he calls it the Duma.

28:43That's why he calls it the Duma. Yeah, the big stupid poopy head meeting. Yeah, you guys can have something, but it's going to be - the house is a poopy head. What do they think? Why do I have to wear a cock on my head whenever I make a point? I feel this undermines me. That's the Duma. That's the Duma. So Bloody Sunday - Creates the Duma, and it basically means that you can table ideas that he can reject yes so it's a very basic form i think the first thing he sets it up and everyone's like great we've got representation as a people the first thing he gets the duma to decide on is a like a new washing machine basically whether an area of siberia has its bin collected on a tuesday or wednesday and they decide it's wednesday he goes nah fuck it tuesday like he just does not give a shit about it takes the complete piss because zarnicholas II is a complete autocrat to the bones.

29:29As we said in the last episode, he's a little gay boy in hot pants with rollerblades and he sees that his granddad had his legs blown off. He hates the idea of any kind of revolution or anything that's not him as an absolute monarch. With that in mind, Rasputin arrives in this slightly surface reforming in about 1905 and immediately, while this has been going on, Tsarina Alexandra she's had this French butcher's son I mean Christ French butcher's my word everything's going on in there nose to tail this butcher's boy has been helping her supposedly with her you know he's been a mystic fine which is weird to think of a butcher's son as a mystic well there's a lot of guts he can fuck I guess is that what a mystic is?

30:19I don't know well for her probably like you know he's got access to a lot of pig hearts waving tripe all over the boy that'll do so the boy is you know the young son he's only about a year old and uh he has these kind of outbreaks of desperately wanting to fuck a 13 year old it's a terrible he's got um and so uh but the butcher's boy died i think quite suddenly and he on his deathbed predicts that a new mystic will arrive and fill his space and then uh the black crows the terribly ugly Montenegrans big nose bitches the big nose bitches from Montenegro they introduce Tsarina to Rasputin and the first and Nicholas II first thing Nicholas II does is go this guy fucking smells like a goat can we get him out of here and Alexandra's like I want to fuck I've never seen people on track do you want to see a lady do you want to meet a lady do you and just gets her legs open so immediately she's hooked on Rasputin and Rasputin has this sort of calming quality on the Tsarina and so there's lots of you know he's brilliant at manipulating people he is the boy would have these outbreaks of hebephilia yeah and and and it's only rasputin that would be able to be like hey hey hey wait for them wait for them to grow older it gets better arguably they're not in their peak till they're 17 18 cool it wait for the milf era wait wait till you're milf fuck gilf man because the thing about rasputin is he wanted to fuck anything and he was and he was skinny big no tits big tits no he didn't care he wanted it on him he no one loved muff more than this guy i mean he's moved away from his family he's got like two or three kids or something out in siberia he's like ah fuck that i'm going to beetsburg i'm gonna fuck the queen and do you know he had the biggest hog right now we're saving the hog no no we could i mean i was going to get to that but by all accounts he had he had the biggest hog and they put it in a jar and i'd love to see his hog you can literally see his cock pickled well there's a funny story there's two there's actually there's a rival hog that can so we'll get to his end but at the end supposedly they cut his dick off because he had this sort of massive hog and they pickle it and they put it in a museum but there's also a rival hog um there's actually inevitably it's pickled that turns out to be a sea cucumber so that's how big his dick is yeah is that it could be mistaken for a sea cucumber i don't know many peoples who have such a famous hog that it's pickled in a jar for everyone to see they're not doing that for mine for mine they're they're flying it into no man's land dropping it into the sea like bin laden it's done it's done too much damage get rid of it it can't become a memorial site it can't be a master dick look at that that's a sea cucumber that's the kind of girth look at that standing up at 90 degrees that's terrifying i guess if you had that sort of sea cucumber you probably would want to fuck your way tost petersburg yeah why not he basically fucked his way out the forest of siberia with a huge hog yeah a sea hog he's a bit of rough i guess in the high courts because these people have been with these kind of quite fruity uh you know limp-wristed dukes with their tiny cocks and then this fucking forest goat man comes out of siberia Stinky goat boy with a huge hog.

33:28Hung like a fucking horse. Yeah. And it's just a bit of rough. You get dicked down by this smelly mascot. He had this apartment where all these, there's a photo that we'll get up. We just had of like him surrounded by posh women. He's like St. Petersburg, it's a bit of rough as you say. So he would go into the room, he'd go into his bedroom and he'd say that I'm going to go commune with God. Does anyone else want to come and speak to God with me? And these women would be like, Yeah, I need salvation. And they just go and fuck him. Brilliant. Because they think he's the Messiah. They think he is Jesus reborn.

34:03There's one woman that had, a woman who had like a family with like three kids and she just left them to go move in and live in his house. She just wanted to be fucked by a stinky goat hog. I want to get railed by this horribly smelly. Rasklar Putin. Rasklar Putin. So, you know, he's becoming this catnip to a certain type of Russian woman. Yeah. and also at the same time you know the Tsar Nicholas falls in love with him in his own way yeah less than the Tsarina but no but he you know because I think makes his wife happy yeah and I think that's also like happy wife happy life yeah exactly that's why that's the cuckold's motto isn't it you know you're a bit concerned that your wife's getting railed by a massive guy as long as she's happy happy wife happy life I don't care I'm just I'll be in the wardrobe that looks nice there's been lots of discussions about why he is able to sort of cure Alexei's outbreaks of hypophilia does he well yeah so he there's a big moment I don't know when it is but oh fuck this is this again this is another reason why it's like a Russian novel this moment right so Rasputin is sort of spending time in San Petersburg fucking everyone apparently he drinks like an absolute fish and he's getting his hog out in the middle of and he's shaking and he's shaking and going oh the Sareena loves this blah blah blah anyway so he goes he commutes back and forth he's doing a phone gag with his massive cog he's going oh serena calling hello and that's how big his cock is that he can fill up to his ear happy tv starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times your to-do list may feel endless with new tasks and lists can easily begin to overrun your life so finding the right tool that not only helps you out but simplifies everything as a built-in business partner can be a game changer.

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37:16streaming on Disney+. What are you waiting for? Hop on. The must-see galactic adventure comes home on Disney+. This is the way. Our only chance is to work together. I like this kid. Always wear your seatbelt. Star Wars, The Mandalorian and Grogu, now streaming on Disney+. Read PG-13. So he's going back to Siberia and he goes back to Siberia and he ends up getting stabbed by a woman with no nose. Get a photo of her up. She's this prostitute who was given such a bad review that they cut her nose off. Right. Right. She looks pretty terrifying. Yeah. Fuck. So she goes back to Siberia and a woman with no nose stabs him.

38:05He'll fuck anything. Because he'll fuck anything. Because he's sort of becoming like, at this point I should say, the Russian public are aware of him and they're aware that, you know, he's holding all this influence over the court and although the Duma, which Sir Nicholas keeps shutting down, it's being shown as the mirage that it is and there's still no really reforms or people are still poor, hungry, thick, suffering, but they kind of like it. I mean, all the whole thing's a fucking mess. Anyway, on the day... But it's seen as the excesses of the court. Yeah, the excesses of the court, they've got this mad monk in there.

38:39On the day that he gets stabbed, repeatedly by a woman with no nose is the same day Franz Ferdinand is assassinated in Sarajevo, which will end up causing, starting World War I. And is it the feeling that he's like a voodoo doll? Basically, yeah. So while he's in Siberia recovering from being stabbed by the woman with no nose, how does she smell? It's because she was attracted to his pheromones. Probably terrible. That's why she was stabbing him. Yes, of course. Because she was the only person who was immune to his gifts. Yes, because she can't smell him. Yeah. Yeah. She also probably, in all seriousness, smelled awful.

39:14If we can be serious for a second, I think that syphilitic prostitute from Siberia stunk like hell. Yeah. On a more serious note. She had a hole where her nose should be. So maybe she smelled very well, actually. Maybe she got it more... Maybe the nose gets in the way of smelling... If you just got rid of it and had a hole... That's Daniela Westbrook who still has a nose but she doesn't have many nostrils, Charlie. Thank you. Anyway, Rasputin gets... Rasglart Putin gets shanked by Danilo Westbrook. While he is recovering in Siberia in a hospital, Alexei has a massive outbreak of fibrophilia. He's really horny.

39:51What the fuck? I'm a 13-year-old. And the Tsarina's going mad. Like, it's a near-death experience. The Tsarina's going absolutely mad. And she calls for Rasputin. And Rasputin sends her a telegram saying, calm down. It's not his time. Everything's going to be fine. And... Pussy glad. everything gonna be iry he said everything gonna be iry pussy glad and this calms the Tsarina and everyone thinks that the reason he could actually he did actually help the boy is that the miracle drug at the time was aspirin but aspirin's the worst thing you can take for hemophilia because it's a blood thinner so he says let the doctors leave him alone leave him be just calm down he's gonna be fine so they think that maybe They're defying him with drugs that are actually worse for him.

40:40Yeah. And actually, they think a large part of it was psychosomatic. And the fact that he calmed the mother meant the boy could stay calm. Right. And apparently, if you're bleeding a lot, if you calm down, have a cup of tea, you're fine. Fine. I don't know if I can. I'm not a scientist. Anyway, Rasputin desperately doesn't think Russia should join World War I. And he warns against the Tsar going to war. But the Tsar, he thinks this is his moment. And he thinks this is a great time. so he I think also he's like it's an imperial game and he wants to get involved is he William II's cousin? is he Wilhelm?

41:15yeah but and also he looks identical to the British King as well well they're related aren't they? or his wife is? so they're all related they're all related anyway you know the big incest gangbangs you know it's gone too far World War I to be honest is I don't know if you have cousins who have family fights in the comments on Facebook but I certainly do I have a whole side of my family who they will just get into huge public fights right One will post a status about the other one being a snake. And they'll just comment. That's kind of what World War I was. With all of Queen Victoria's grandchildren.

41:45Squabbling. You're a fucking snake. Well, you know, you don't even know you're fucking born. You know, that sort of stuff. So Russia joins World War I. And it starts going badly pretty quickly. And they start losing millions of men. Well, the Germans are the most modern army in the world. Yeah. and Russia have modernised a bit but not at all built to deal with machine gun fire. Yeah, they're ill-equipped, they're not trained, they lost to the Japanese for Christ's sake. So, at some point, Nicholas II decides, I think in 1915, to take control of the armed forces himself because that's how much of a...