Stagecoach W*anker (with James Buckley) | Dick Turpin & Highwaymen (Part 2)

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1:28Welcome back to Finverse History. I'm joined by Horatio Gould. Your money or your wife? And, well, we have a guest, James Buckley. Look at this. Afternoon. A British icon in the studio. Look at this. Thank you for wearing the suits. We always comment on our guest suits. This is Essex black tie, I believe. It doesn't look court appearance. Most people look court appearance, but this actually looks a bit more stolen money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't mind a suit. It's stolen money, yeah. It's Brink's Matt. I'm not allowed to wear this suit very often because my wife said, and I did wear this, I bought this for a wedding and I did wear a shirt and tie.

2:02I wore a burgundy tie. Lovely. And my wife said, you look like Mr. Bean. Yeah, that's fair. And it ruined it. I was like, how do I look? Yeah. And she just absolutely destroyed me. But you do a podcast with your wife. I do. Which I find insane. Because I mean, that's the opposite of, for me, I do a podcast to not spend time. Yeah. She's my favourite person. Yes. Well, you can be gay about it. No, no, no. I'm sure she'd say the opposite. Yeah. Finn's wife's his least favourite person. No, that's not fair. But she's in the top three favourite people. But we're talking about Dick Turpin. Now, you were saying before that you've started a podcast with Joe, Thomas from The Inbetweeners, and he's a history guy, and you were hoping that he would come on with you.

2:45We were supposed to both be on, right? And he's also got a degree from Cambridge. Really? In history. Yeah. Really? So I thought, oh, I'll just be able to kick back and just enjoy myself. To be fair, we don't like degrees in this room. No, we're anti-degrees. We're anti-intellectuals, to be honest. I'm your guy. I'm right up your street. This is History Fan TV. But I do know with the suits and stuff that you guys like to keep it classy. So I got myself a little, just one of these. Oh, that's nice. That's very nice. That is very classy. Do you know what? I thought you'd like it, so I got you guys one as well.

3:17Are you joking? I did, yeah. They're brand new. They're not being used or anything. It's post-COVID. So I got you one. Oh, that's very nice. And a little sheaf. I kept it in its bag so that you knew that it's not... Yeah, yeah. I didn't just get it from a charity shop. I've got a pipe sheath. That's lovely. Oh, that's very nice. I've got one for you as well. Slightly different vibe. That's a lovely bit of business, that. I just thought we could all... That's a lovely bit of business, right. You're not much of a crack pipe kind of guy. I'm not a crack pipe guy, no. As pipes go, this is probably one of my lesser...

3:48But yeah, it shows the difference in what a pipe can mean. you know because you say like a pipe this is the the symbol of sophistication in class yeah but if harold wilson in the 60s is like talking to the sobers yeah it really changes the vibe once you put crack crack in your pipe crack in front of anything makes it bad baby crack whore core's already is already pretty fruity crack whore double down the press love the word crack yeah yeah it's some tabloids you know that um that stuff that you can suck out of a balloon thank you just just to complete the crack riff i like that that one there is have you seen john lennon's have you seen john lennon yoko's ass type it in this is phenomenal you've seen this james john lennon yoko did a naked shoot and it's the it's the greatest uh range in lengths of arses i've ever seen what the fuck zoom in zoom in zoom in zoom in crazy Look how long that crack goes on.

4:45And look how short. Now they need to split the difference. She needs some of his ass to be my normal ass and he needs way less ass. Look how big his ass is. How am I just finding out about this now? Now you think about when he - Guys, go over to the video. I don't normally say this, but you have to see this. When he wipes, he's doing, he's going up half his back. He gets through some papers. You know, those window cleaners or skyscrapers. Fucking give peace a chance. Look at that. And then her arse is way too small. Way too small. His arse is genuinely above his waist. Fuck. He could shit in a trough.

5:21That goes really far up, doesn't it? In the entirety of a trough. The press love the word crack. You know that balloon stuff? Yes, laughing gas. I used to know you. Yeah. It's legal, right? Hippie crack. Hippie crack. That's it. That's what the press call it. No, it's not. No, no. Is it not legal? Well, it's legal for like hospitals. Or whipped cream. Oh, I thought it was just... I don't think you don't get prescribed hippie crack. You can buy it, but you can steal canisters. And you can say, like, I just love making whipped cream. But I think if you're doing it in balloons, it's illegal. It is illegal.

5:49I just love how that's turned into hippie crack. Yeah. Watch out, the new... I think that's the only way that I would have a downfall, is if I got caught doing hippie crack, and my audience would leave me, I can't believe he's succumbed to hippie crack. Footballers love it, don't they? They're always doing it just before a big match and stuff. They're always like, oh, this footballer was caught doing hippie crack last night. Well, all over East London, you have all the canisters. People like drive with them. People like go joyriding and do hippie crack and then do donuts. Yeah. Not me. It's good stuff.

6:18Well, I don't think Dick Turpin was on, was on hippie crack. Dick Turpin. Dick Turpin. Yeah, these days. Before we knew you were doing it, before you knew you were doing this, did you, did you ever think about Dick Turpin at all? Not much. I do, I do enjoy, I do like history. Um, and what was really weird was. What do you like about it? Sorry. It's really threatening. Go on then, mate. go on then mate prove it what did you like it's quite interesting sorry Dick Turpin was around in the early 18th century sort of he meets his end in 1739 and what we like to do for us thick smelly listeners is place 1739 within the context of something either side of it you can choose any time so just say it was it was before it was after this and before this 1739 I suppose it was before the Range Rover yeah It was before the Range Rover.

7:11Comprehensively smash that. Let's just get a date in there. Let's make sure. 1970. Wide berth, but let's go. Lovely tour to do, Cushion. And it's after? After, I suppose after Chariots? After Chariots. Okay, he's gone quite a range there, but that's nice. I think that places it perfectly. It's right in the middle there. There's a good 4 ,000 years, and you've Dick Turpin bang in the middle. Bang in the middle. So post-Chariots, pre-Range Rover. Do you think people in ancient Rome had a stigma around Range Rover drivers? Around chariot drivers? I think, well, yeah, maybe. In the way that the Range Rover driver...

7:47Nowadays in London, you can't insure a Range Rover. I'm not even doing a bit here. Because it's got such bad... You get nicked all the time. Security gets the easiest ones to nick, right? I think it's just they're so attractive to nick. Right. So I've got something, I haven't got one, I've got a fucking cash guy, but apparently it's like 30 grand just to insure it for a year. really madness woke nonsense so what what what is the stereotype of a ranger over driver then uh because i don't know james you must know some is it like new money i've had a ranger over there you go that's what i was getting at it's sort of um flash yeah a bit flash but it's quite classy i thought i think it used to be classy land rover your new money that's the problem it's true it used to be classy when you you know chuck the dogs in the back of the ranger and head off to countryside or something i hated being a range rover owner because it's so it's so route one it's such a boring car that's that's it isn't it it's you go i've got money what's the car i need to have mine was mine was that i had kids right and i was like i want the biggest car that britain has so if i if i have a crash no i'm still women's bodies change when they're pregnant it makes sense it makes sense they they get but their hands get fat crazy you know that hands get fat and madness Anyway, sorry.

9:05So Dick Turpin was mainly stagecoach, stagecoaches. Stagecoach wanker, I guess, would be the... That would be the... Bit of fun. Bit of fun. You enjoying that? I think that's where we got that joke from. So now in our previous episode, we dealt with his... He was a butcher and he then turned to crime. He was fencing venison, which is what... In Essex, they used to launder deer. That's right, yeah. Did you wrap around a lot of crime? You don't have to say that's right. What's that? that's right you knew that it's fine yeah that's right yeah I knew that so the Essex gang have collapsed yeah so that's what we did in our last episode the Gregory gang now do their names still haunt the streets of Dagenham we still talk about them really yeah because there's been a lot of gangs since absolutely I don't know how much they're all just trying because that's the problem really the Gregory gang really sort of romanticised all that sort of thing and you get these young men in Essex now yeah and they want to live up to that sort of original kind of Andrew Tate stuff really the Gregory sphere yeah they were very alpha male yeah did you grow up around a lot of crime a little bit there was a little bit of crime there was always a little bit of crime there was always a little bit of crime there was one day where I was taking my young this is not this isn't a completely true story there was one day where I was taking my using it backwards I'm middle class James I don't know how to my instinct would be to shove this up my arse that's what I think it would do history fans this episode is sponsored by peter christian the gentleman's tailors yeah do you want to dress like an absolute slob with your fucking your jeans hanging around your arse with your shitty pants out or do you want to be satorially tailored do you have a court appearance coming up probably if you're listening to this yeah well peter christian is where you get a suit that means the judge might give you some leniency yeah i mean these these are peter christian suits by the way and they're lovely they've been tailored to us the shirt's Peter Christian to be honest the socks that we're wearing Peter Christian it is to be fair lovely suits now it's founded a British company but dates all the way back to the 19th century and they had ran a series of shops that was decimated in the Blitz really?

11:13yeah and he's rebuilt it from scratch it's a British success story and for Christmas they do these gift sets of the socks of luxury socks which is the perfect gift for your dad or for your boyfriend or anyone else with autism socks is a win anyone else who struggles to have a personality conversationally why not use colorful socks exactly do some of the heavy lifting that's what i do i genuinely these are white guy tips these are white guy tips and it comes in a really nice box so you don't have to worry about wrapping it i can't wrap for shit no well straight i'm a straight man so if you're a straight man and you know you're you're defeated by anything that's vaguely origami yeah my my pack they look like letter bombs i look like i've got them out of the bin to give to them for christmas happy valentine's day where have you got that a petrol station no i actually paid a lot of money for it but i can't wrap it just and it infuriates me wrapping because then they're going to rip it up immediately so any hard work i'm doing is exactly you go to peter christian.co.uk and enter the code fvh you get free delivery with no minimum spend yeah free delivery fvh fure vag hostel the perfect combination of style and comfort for the modern gentleman or the fat thick incel put yourself in a nice suit for once in your goddamn life take your mother out to dinner in a suit would you go to peter christian.co.uk and put the code fvh this is one pc that hasn't gone mad no so the gang have been shattered uh smashed the gangs starman smashed the gangs finally and uh so turpin and his companion is it matthew rodent rowden thomas turpin and his companion Thomas Rowden take to the roads and they rob travelers on um these are all areas that are like now in London but they're all like villages Finchley Common Hounslow Heath Epping Forest yes so Turpin gains notoriety right because the reports suggest that his ambushing is chaotic opportunistic incompetent his ambushing is opportunistic that's interesting I mean that kind of goes without saying he's a highwayman well I don't know how much opportunistic I mean you're planning an ambush because you think this is a good part of the road or whatever to as opposed to like an improv ambush.

13:23Yeah, fuck it. Fuck it. How much you got? Yeah, go on. I think he was a bit like that though, wasn't he? Because he was just an idiot. Everything he did, he managed to fuck up one way or another. I mean, he survived quite a long time for an idiot. Yeah, I think he... That part was really lucky. You're saying that when he poiled a kettle of boiling water over an old man, he was actually trying to make a cup of tea. It just got away from him. Oh shit, I'm really sorry, mate. He was trying to make a cup of tea. Back in, back out first. Old man, old man. Oh fuck, sorry. It's like a sort of Naked Gun film.

13:52Yeah, yeah. So apparently one report describes him as robbing a driver for only a few shillings. It's quite a high risk to rob someone who's only got a shilling, pence. He's doing it for the love of the game, though. And also you don't know how much is in there. No, I guess it's quite exciting, isn't it? I'm not knowing. So the first report that links Turpin and Rowden to highway robbery is July 1735. Turpin thinks he recognises the man they are trying to rob and then tries to kill him, but Rowden talks him out of it. So he's clearly a hothead. Yes. However, the violent exchange is enough to up the reward for their capture to£100, equivalent to several years' wages.

14:27Right. So by October, 1735 is where he's on one. He's fucking on one. Yeah. This is peak Turpin. This is peak Turpin. Yeah. He's around like the northern bits of London. Yeah. What's now what? The A1M or something? Yeah. And he's fucking everyone up. Right. He's jumping out in front of them, standing the liver. He's getting cocky now. He's getting cocky. Yeah. He's an absolute menace. he's not the image we talked about last time the image is that he's like dancing he's an old fielding fucking Apple TV show coming out it's all whimsy but he's pouring he's making old man tea and shit and he's well there's a lot of sexual assault to put it I don't think he did that though did he did he do that specifically or was it he was a lawyer I don't think you can prove he was in the vicinity but you need to not all highway men so so the pressure becomes too much for Rowden and he goes to Gloucester to start counterfeiting again.

15:24Right. And he gets convicted of it and then recognised as a robber but he avoids the noose and is sent to the colony. But again, the noose is tightening around Turpin. In more ways than one. What are you suggesting is asphyxie wanking? I was trying to add drama to it. He's got an orange in the mouth. The noose is tightening. There's a plug up his arse, an orange in his mouth and a bag on his head. Anyway, the police are after him is my point so this was funny the podcast series I listen to they say he goes to the Netherlands for about a year and a half and then he resurfaces and they go got no idea why he's in a pub with his wife we can't know why he comes back maybe he wanted to see his wife maybe that can't surely that can't be why he came back maybe he was trying to start a podcast with his wife maybe yeah Matt meet the turpins you're going to meet the turpins at home with the turpins is that what your point is that what it's called I think it's just called The Buckleys.

16:20The Buckleys. It took you quite a while to get the podcast name. You really search for that. I don't know, considering it's my name. It's not my finest moment. Me and wife. Do you turn the cameras off and then are you like, do you and your wife have a shtick on the pod? No, it's all... Crazy. We turn the cameras off and I carry on making her angry. Yeah. Because what we were saying was great is because your wife doesn't even particularly, seemingly want to be that famous she's kind of take it or leave it she sort of hates it yeah she's genuinely quite annoyed that's probably why it's been so successful she married a successful actor right it was at the time making a load of money right and um she could just potter about and um and she's the greatest mum in the world and she loves being a mum and stuff like that and then the old acting work dried up and i was like i've i've roped her into sort of forging a podcast career yeah and i think she's quite bitter about it yeah i think she's quite angry but it's quite nice because everyone's so desperate these days as you were saying yeah everyone's so cloyingly desperate for like any attention i mean you're not gonna you're not gonna like bring your you know your guests aren't gonna your kids aren't gonna guest on your pot no exactly we've done a we've actually made a point of making sure that because it's a seal that once you open that oh you can't because my kids they're 12 and 14 and they're two boys and at that age right now all kids want to be youtubers yeah me and my wife claire have got a youtube channel and they're always like can we be on it and stuff and we're like when you're old enough yeah to decide whether you want to do go down that road then i'll leave i'm not going to put this on you now well this is a new conversation for parents right it's the sit down are you sure you want to become a youtuber so dad i'm a youtuber no you're not get in the bin christ he comes back from amsterdam and he gets spotted at an inn and they're accosted uh it suggests someone's informing on him so he's he's famous at this point he's like he's like he's the thing held up in parliament they're talking about it's not knife crime it's not asbos it's highwaymen you know that's like the moral panic of the age Turpin escapes heading 40 miles north to Cambridge his wife and friends are released but the hunt for dick continues I bet you enjoyed writing that in the script didn't you filthy filthy researcher disgusting wash your mouth out with soap Phoebe disgrace you just made me say that on a podcast listened to by millions of people the hunt for dick continues what you do at your own time Phoebe is not should not come into the absolute disgrace who do you think I am I'm a father of two the hunt for dick well you've been caught in a couple of hunts for dicks haven't you my dick has been caught London Hughes caught your dick London Hughes to catch a dick you know London Hughes has a Netflix special called to catch a dick one of the dicks she caught was Finn and he was just I was flapping luckily she threw you back into the ocean yes yeah I was in Epping Forest found an Epping Forest in a net London Hughes is a dick trap floundering in a net yeah I took MDMA yeah once and then cheated on my then girlfriend with London Hughes in the same room yeah Dick twerping.

19:11Dick twerking. Anyway. Christ. So. My point is, Phoebe, you're fired for that sentence. The hunt for dick. Clean out your desk now. Sorry. Night. Just another euphemism. You haven't done MDMA since, have you? No. Because my dick was caught. That doesn't happen every time. You don't get caught. I don't know that. My data is telling me that I take drugs and my dick gets caught. i don't i'm not a drug person no right famously yeah so i can't tell

19:49famously charlie i'm anti-drugs anyway so we're now in march 1737 uh he's come back from holland he's fleed up north to cambridge and he forms a partnership with a guy called matthew king so he's come out from holland he's probably got a very boring story about um taking the an frank house then going to a brothel. Now, the Anne Frank house was probably... Telling you as if he's the first person to have done that. But he was probably there. Anne Frank house was there, but it wasn't called the Anne Frank house. It was just a house. It was just a house. And Anne Frank wasn't even... It could have been like Nigel Frank's house.

20:18Yeah. Because I don't know how long the Franks have been there. Let's find out when the Anne Frank house was built and when it got called the Anne Frank... Well, I know when it got called the Anne Frank house, but when did it... Charlie, are you searching for Anne Frank porn? I know, I can tell your face. You've Googled Anne Frank porn, haven't you? No. Yes, you have. and I bet it exists and actually I'd quite like to see it. Charlie, fuck off, Charlie. No, no, no. Charlie, Charlie, we've got a guess. This is kind of anime Frank porn. Don't, anime Frank porn. Ani Frank porn. Anime Frank. Look, Phoebe's absolutely redeemed herself.

20:48Right. She's washed her mouth out with soap and she's come back and said the secret rear annex of Anne Frank House was replaced with a large one in 1739, the year that Dick Turpin dies. Oh, the rhythms of history. So, Turpin orders this well-dressed traveller I haven't even I haven't even said what's happening on the London to Cambridge Road right which I guess what's that M11 I don't think the M11 was a road no I'm saying I'm trying to translate it for nowadays something like that what's the bit after the M11 when the M11 stopped it goes to the A1 doesn't it and then M1 two dads chatting it's like a Google and Alexa talking A1 A1M M1 that's a Scotch corner yeah lovely bit of business not enough services on the M11 though didn't drive um so on the london to cambridge road a lone well-dressed traveler rides towards town an easy target dick turpin's hanging in the trees he's been caught see the net to catch a dick turpin to catch a dick turpin that's my that's my uh rebuttal a caught a caught dick answers oh christ i'm still holding a crack pipe turpin orders the man to halt and the traveler unfazed approaches calmly now turpin threatens him and the man laughs right doggy dog come brother turpin if you don't know me i know you and should be glad of your company right yeah because you know rapists were quite jolly back in this time well that's one of the pubs in this story the jolly rapist of course yeah sorry that's where they met for a quick half down the childhood campus.

22:24Quick half. And he, he's Matthew King who is a successful highwayman who's looking for a buddy because it's like buddy cop. It's like good cop, bad cop, except they're both robbers. Right. Bad robber, bad robber. Yeah, bad, yeah. So Turpin prefers work. It's easy to work in tandem, I guess. Hmm. Because, I don't know, numbers. Lonely otherwise, it's a lonely job. It is quite lonely, yeah. It's like being a stand-up comedian. In many ways. What do you think the mental health of a highwayman is? Thank you. I'm glad you brought that up. I think that's where we should, you know, talk about our sponsor, Huel.

22:53Yeah. Or BetterHelp. BetterHelp Highwaymen. Are they an anxious people, do you reckon? I imagine they've got quite like a stressful life. It's not like a... It's not a chilled, lazy life. You have to go up and get... Quite angry. It's like people who work at service stations. I think, where do you live? Do you know what I mean? They stop existing. Yeah. It's like a sort of limbo land. No, it's like they're like NPCs in a game. Yeah, they are. You go press X and then they come to life and they talk. But once you're not looking at them, they don't exist. So really, but then they've got a commute down a motor.

23:24I mean, that must be rough. You ever thought about that? I've not. You're not all about that? I'm going to think about it probably for the rest of my life now. It must just be so bleak. No, I reckon you get quite fond of your station. Well, you'd love it. Yeah. You'd love anything. You'd love anything. Wasn't there a documentary years ago called, like, The Service Station or something like that? About George Michael.

23:47What's that? You're saying that the... He's cottaging, famously. He's cottaging. And that's the service station. That's what Careless Whispers about. Yeah. The fatal mistake is that King and Turpin steal this racehorse called White Stockings. Now, horses at this point are named quite sexy things. Like White Stockings, there's Black Bess. It's sort of all, you know. Fires you up. It does fire me up a bit. The Lorraine Kelly. His horse, easy now. Easy now. Shh. Easy. I am a Lorraine Kelly whisperer. Shh. The white stockings, the horse's owner, reports the theft to a landlord who uses his contacts to trace it to a pub.

24:21Tracing a horse, that's a strange thing, isn't it? Like a credit card. Again, I just feel like back in those days, there was only like a dozen people in the country. Yeah. So you knew what horse it was. Yeah. Oh, that's their horse. Yeah. Because there's 12. And you knew if someone's wearing a certain jacket, you'd be like, right, well, that's Dick Turpin. So Dick Turpin's got a grey-blue coat. Yeah, because I guess there was no brands as well. It's not like you wouldn't have like North Face puffers. It'd be like your nan made your blazer. So the horses, they trace this white horse to a pub and a mob then goes in to find Turpin and Matthew King in the pub.

24:56King's brother is found inside. Blah, blah, blah. They question him. But then they, at the sight of the mob, I don't really understand this bit. Turpin shoots King somehow. Martin Luther King. Not Martin Luther King. No, there was some confusion, wasn't there? And he went to shoot the guy that was coming after him, but he shot his mate by accident. But he was shot twice. So it's sort of... But it's very hard to shoot someone twice. Absolutely. In these days. Yeah, especially with... That's why you've got two guns, though. Yeah. With those little pistols. Yeah. Very inaccurate, right? They were inaccurate, but to shoot him twice.

25:30So it's been disputed. It's always said that Dick Turpin killed his mate and then fled. He went up north or something like that. Yeah, yeah. But a lot of people said it's nearly impossible to... To accidentally shoot him once is impossible. to accidentally shoot him twice. This is like a sort of 9-11 conspiracy theory. Jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams. The first one he thinks it's an accident, the second one, you knew it was a terrorist. That's when you knew it was a terrorist. When Turpin's second bullet hit, you go, right, well, he meant that. He clearly meant that. So Turpin flees, right? King dies days later, because in this day and age, if you've got shot with like, they're marbles, essentially, marbles and guns, you get shot by it, and then you basically die of sepsis.

26:06Maybe he thought, you know when you spill red wine and people put white wine on it? Yeah. Maybe that's what he was trying to do after the accidental first shot. knock it through he was just like oh sorry let me try and you know let's clean it up maybe what like those Newton's cradle you get a bullet and you get another one to get it out or you shoot that bullet out of you fuck sometimes if you've got a nail that you're trying to get rid of so you just bash it further in then it's gone then there's just the wall yeah you go right well that's just the wall now that's fine right so then then in May 37 Turpin's on the back foot now I'd say right so there's Robin Hood in there's a Robin Hood in he fears being recognised he goes into a cave in the woods and he gets followed by Thomas Morris, who is a servant of the keeper of Epping Forest.

26:44He's armed with two pistols and Turpin calls out and then Morris, this is in nighttime, he fires both pistols kind of wildly at the noise but obviously misses because I think basically pistols are around but people have swords because it's just way more accurate. Pistols are like EVs of today. Yes, exactly. People have got range anxiety about their pistols. Absolutely. It's not going to hit him. Yeah. I can't. My dad's got an electric car and he genuinely just doesn't drive anywhere. Why? He's just terrified. He's got crippling range anxiety. So he can't get back again, yeah. He just gets cabs.

27:18It's crazy. Diesel cabs. Explain it to me. It runs out, doesn't it? It runs out of battery. It's not a fuel. Wouldn't that be the same thing with a normal car? No, because you're a petrol station. So it's very rare to have a charging place. And apparently only one in three actually work. Oh, right. So there's a crippling mental health crisis amongst electric vehicle drivers. And they've got a lot of other stuff going on if you're getting an electric vehicle. yeah it feels like they're worried about everything yes they are oh no something's going on in fucking god knows where so um it's great to be jeremy clarkson who can't drive um so morris fires the pistols wildly turpin skilled pistol marksman one shot one kill turpin vanishes and now 200 pound reward is offered nearly 10 times a skilled worker's annual wage i was like that was like 60 grand you just disappear back in the day you just that is one thing change your coat no one has any idea oh is that a gray blue coat or no it's blue gray all right that's not dick yeah yeah i i do miss that a bit the idea that you you could just fucking yeah there's a feeling now if you get in trouble there's nowhere to hide there really isn't you can't go anywhere forensics has ruined the crime mystery but you're used to but i mean people have started traveling now but if you go back 100 years before this 200 years you just moved to the next village and no one would ever know where you've gone yeah you put a different hat on and your wife's like that's not him he would never have worn that crazy you just grow your beard out yeah you're done done so turpin supposedly flees to yorkshire uh now there's an apocryphal tale of him murdering someone in london and then riding 200 miles in like 20 minutes or something yeah His horse dies from exhaustion, apparently.

29:05And it was to give him an alibi, right? Because back in the day, what you do... Because then he'd say hello to the guy, and he was like, well, he was up here. If you make sure you're seen by the mayor of York, then he's like, well, he can't have. He's here, he wasn't in London. Yeah. But that must have taken... I mean, how long is York to London, if you're cycling that? 20 hours. So if you buy horseback, horses are faster than bicycles, do you reckon? What are they, about 40 miles an hour? I don't know. Not downhill, I reckon the bike's faster. Horse versus bike. Yeah, come on, horseless bike.

29:32This is what we want. This is what we want. A bike is faster for long distances, but a horse... Requires less space for storage. Thank you. Out of the view. Yep. Don't have a bike stable. Horses better traction on difficult terrain. It's true. And the roads weren't particularly good back then. What's the top... Go to the top speed. Because if this is true, then he's done it. He's not done it. You can't do it in 12 hours. No. Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. Yeah, 45 miles an hour. Right. Nowadays, it'd be absolutely fine going up the M1. Yep, yep. The amount of fucking smart cameras on that. any smart motorway stuff he's just leaving he doesn't know what it is don't even know doesn't can't relate to it it's a motorway it's 50 mile an hour pretty much all the way yeah it's crazy absolutely killing my right foot doesn't affect me you wanted to call me a slur just then I feel I did I was searching for a slur I was searching for what is the slur for a straight man who can't drive I don't know I was just going through my Rolodex my library of slurs it's a bus wanker it is it is it is Christ it's right there how often do you get do you get that James just whenever I leave the house really fine if I stay indoors it's fine my kids only say it a couple of times right yeah you're not getting it yeah but you have somebody might get it from like Amazon delivery drivers maybe if I set foot outside the house as soon as I but you lean into it I think there's a kind of a joy to you lean into it so much do you know what's really embarrassing is I just still think it's funny yeah but it is though I watched it the other day before you because we knew you were coming on because I watched Inbetweeners when it came out of course we all did we all did but then I I actually watched the scene again and I was like, well, that is...

30:59I was like, oh, is that it? That is funny. The scene where you just lean out a window and shout bus wankers and be waiting for a bus. Do it twice. And then that's your life. It's very funny that that's caught on that much. Have you ever had a day where you're just not in the mood and somebody does it and have you ever snapped? No. You know, you're a fucking wanker actually. I'm driving this bus. How do you find getting recognised? It's weird. It's really odd. You've been having it for a while. Sorry. Where'd you get your ideas from? just with all these these great questions for asking James you know I did a lot of research yeah I know sorry sorry go on James no it's fine yeah but seriously where do you get your ideas from where the fuck do you get your ideas from when I'm on the loo that's when I do my good thinking so somehow he ends up in Yorkshire whether he goes out there over a night or not I I doubt that but I don't think that's even I think it was just, that's myth, isn't it?

31:56It was that bloke that wrote the book. Yeah. So what we haven't said actually yet, thanks for bringing us on, keeping this on track, James, is that a book gets written in the 19th century called Rookwood and that sort of turns all these different highwaymen into Dick Turpin. And that's where the myth comes from. When actually he was a guy who probably raped people and poured boiling water over a man. Over your gang. And where are the police? We said in the last episode, there are no police. Oh, so it's lawless. They're informal police. Informal. Is there anyone who's just like trying to help people out?

32:26Yeah, the hue and cry. It's just... It's all vigilante. Everyone's Batman. Everyone is a pedo. Everyone is citizens arresting everyone. Everyone's a pedo hunter in a car park. For a long time, the public were against having a police force, weren't they? Yeah. They were just... It was overreach. Yeah, definitely. We can do it ourselves. Yeah. We've caught three nonsense in Asda this week. We fucking love it. Push your limits. Train with precision. See the results. At Equinox, that's high performance loving. Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox. Start today at equinox.com.

33:22Brad Pitt. I'll get you home. Heart of the Beast. Colleen Theater, September 25th. Rated PG-13. Maybe inappropriate for children under 13. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro Plans.