The Worst Prime Minister You’ve Never Heard Of: Alec Douglas-Home | Post War British Prime Ministers, 1945-1979

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1:28welcome back to fin versus history it's the big one the big one it's alec douglas hume time the one you've been waiting for you can rest easy we're finally getting to the goat it's here the big one finally don't worry we've we have listened to your your comments yeah every every week we have people begging us to do this topic douglas hume when yeah and we're like look we want to Establish ourselves first. We want to practice what it means to do a comedy history podcast. Douglas Hume, when? When? Cowards. Cowards. Release it. You won't do it. Release it now. You won't do it. You won't do it. You're scared of being censored.

2:04You're scared. You're scared of touching the great man. Sir Alec Douglas Hume. The man, the myth, the legend. Sir Alec Douglas who? Yeah, I guess so. I'd not heard of him before we started doing this series. I think I'd heard of every post-war British Prime Minister, at least in a passing way. Yeah. But this is the only one I had literally no idea. Genuinely thought it went with Mill and Wilson. Genuinely. We could have arguably skipped this one if we weren't doing the test cricket approach to the series. You can't skip a session of test cricket. There's lols. That's not test cricket. There will be lols.

2:36That's what makes it exhilarating when there's no lols is that it goes in and out. You don't know how exciting it is unless you've been bored for the previous hour. So this is a real... There's no wickets during this session. No, it's a rain delay. this is a yeah this is a very what would you say this is this is basically boycotts opening on a good wicket he's not scoring because a lot of the stuff we said about mcmillan being like the last vestige of the old world kind of one of the last edwardians yeah it actually applies to alec douglas hugh but he just just doesn't really count no i mean because he's an etonian old boy yeah our criteria for this series is if your portrait is in downing street then we're doing at least one episode on you.

3:18And, you know, the rest of history aren't doing this. No. Cowards. No one's touching this. Dan Snow's not touching this. Which has meant... Joe Rogan has not. Joe Rogan's not touching this. It has meant this series has been quite hard to research this episode. Yeah. Because I think we are the first history podcast to tackle Alec Douglas Hume. What is interesting is because we have so many thick so many listeners, a lot of people will not ever think about Sir Alec Douglas Hume apart from this podcast. So even though it's maybe not the most respected history, it is maybe one of the most popular histories of Sir Alec Douglas Hume.

3:53This will be the most complete history out there. This will actually add to the historiography. We're changing his legacy because I think before this episode, a lot of people would never know who he is, but they'll listen to this. If someone brings him up, they will just remember this episode. Do you know what we're doing with this? People who listen to this, we are giving them absolute weapons-grade hum-actualies for a dinner party. Yeah, yeah. clear a dinner party how many prime ministers are allowed if you don't have a smelly fart in you yeah bring up Sir Alec Douglas Hume to clear a room I think we went it went on Millen then Wilson dinner oh actually Sir Alec Douglas Hume for eight months exactly yeah Alec Douglas Hume was prime minister for 363 days now is that Charlie is that more or less than Truss it's way less way more is it Truss was 42 days was Truss only 42 days yeah you're having a laugh no 42 days Alex Keeley has that great bit about if she lives to like 90 she will have spent more days at the Cenotaph or Remembrance Sunday than she was in power wow because she gets invited back every year that's I mean god she shone she shone bright though yeah and she was the prime was she the prime minister when the queen died at the queen's funeral yeah she killed the queen in 42 days she was the from Churchill to Truss yeah Queen Elizabeth's story with the prime ministers yeah and in many ways sir alice douglas hume the biggest thing that happens during his raid is that jfk gets assassinated oh fuck so he's the guy right so he's he's kind of the only thing that happens yeah uh so we have you do some research on this and it's the premiership is sundown only served as pm for 363 days didn't implement any major policies or change anything yeah so it's it's um tough start it's a tough it's a tough start You're starting to get a sense of why Sandbrook isn't touching this.

5:42Nothing happens. Let's do average house prices. Come on. In keeping with the series, Douglas Hume comes to power in 63. Firstly, I'd like to play 63, if you would. 1963, this is after Hungary's been invaded by the Soviets. And it's before Alex Hurricane Higgins takes snooker by storm. And I do think that was that. so when was the golden age of snooker is that 70s late 70s into the 80s i think alex hurricane higgins wearing a purple fedora is how i imagine our listeners yeah when they get invited to a funeral or christening yeah you can find the picture of him wearing a purple fedora but there was a period in the 70s with uh that snooker was more popular than football that is how our listeners dress for a funeral they go well if it's smart if it's smart if it's smart i'm wearing then i'm wearing my multicolor i'm wearing my magic eye waistcoat my bow tie I had my purple fedora.

6:37Oh, coin behind your ear. Hey! Yeah, they're amateur magicians. World War II memorial coin behind your ear. Oh, lovely stuff. Tesco's 1998 World Cup. Memories of coin behind me ear. Alec Douglas Hume, 63 to 64. This is the last great establishment steering of the country, really. House prices. House prices. The average house price is£2 ,840, just about 50 grand in today's money. unemployment rate is 3.6 % it's going up the house has been built to a certain extent the jobs are getting less there's less to do and Macmillan is when you start to see the tension in the planned economy in that the trade unions are making a lot of noise about paying more and we're starting to get into the issues that will define the rest of Britain's Britain's political life until mummy comes to wake us up so mummy mummy's not around yet mummy's not come not come out she might be having have had her twins did you know actually apparently Dennis Thatcher her husband you know how he's portrayed as like the weakest husband ever it's because she kept him out of the deliberately portrayed him like that because he was the most racist man that's ever lived and had and he was he was pro South African apartheid that she basically like can you can you make it seem like you're a dithering idiot because if you actually get in front of the cameras you're going to ruin my life right right right so in 63 she was MP eventually London MP shadow minister for pensions mummy okay she's an MP she's in the house it's comforting to know mummy's in the house mummy's at home mummy's at home she's not yet she's not yet nursing us back to health but she's at home so in 1963 let's deal with Britain the 60s are in are starting to come on now the Beatles have got their first number one is that the first number one or it's the Christmas number one I wanna hold your hand so the music's getting recognizably good now But also, this is where music starts to get, like, sexual.

8:36Yeah. You're holding hands. This is where the girls are literally strumming themselves silly at concerts. But it's funny that they're strumming themselves silly at the idea of a Beatle holding their hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's not this, it's not whack. Four men with bowl cuts holding their hands. Yeah, and they're like, ah, ah. You know, they're like Freddie getting themselves. Zane Lo, like. Yeah, like, Zane Lo's there. Like, oh my God. he's just they're just banging it just throwing mucky pants at the Beatles and they're literally singing about holding hands yeah there's a really nice this is where I really like the innocence of pop with the depravity of fandom yeah because now it all lines up yeah in that now you know wet ass pussy and you have guys wanking the crowd or something I don't know it's all disgusting yeah but in the old days hold your hand was code for finger you probably I don't know maybe maybe it wasn't well that's what the teen but the teens are around now yeah the teens are an advertising group but the romance is holding your hand that's enough to get a woman off I guess yeah now was Wet Arse Pussy was that a number one Wet Arse Pussy was the number one hit Wet Arse Pussy which of the Beatles do you think was most likely to release a song called Wet Arse Pussy probably probably Lennon no it's Ringo it's Ringo it's 100 % it's Octopus Puss's Garden.

9:59This is why we don't let you write the songs. It's a yellow submarine. It's all water-based. The third one in that trilogy is Wet-Arsed Pussy. Soggy Tintin. I want to be down by the sea. With a wet-arsed pussy. Wet-arsed pussy on my face. The Beach Boys are around. Everybody was surfing. Surfing USA. W-A-P. The first episode of Doctor Who starts from Russia with love. BBC Two starts. Television is expanding. Yeah. we have bbc 2 explosion prawn cocktail strange experimental foods are coming in arctic roll yeah spotted dick spotted the arctic rolls is 63 that's the local calf does both arctic i figure spotted dick was much older because i mean i used to have that at school right as a renaissance the fittest woman now i don't know if we did this last oh we did who's the fittest woman uh gene shrimpton absolute 60s mega babe now what are they calling people People are getting fit now.

10:59People are starting to get fit. Yeah, they get it. Mary Quant's inventing the miniskirt. Yes, that's a British invention, right? That's a British invention. They've got fit, makeup. They're starting to wear makeup. And the miniskirt becomes a symbol of the sexual revolution. Yes. Yeah. People are walking past the miniskirt shop, shaking their heads. This is an absolute disgrace. Now, what are we calling Gene Shrimpton's boobs in this day and age? Puppies. Okay. There's a slang for boobs at this time. Because that's a bit groovier. or Chi Chi look at the look at the puppies on that it's a little bit more it's sexually aggressive puppies is a bit more kind of like velvet carpet it's a bit more smooth because it's the 60s there's a bit more I actually think puppies is the grossest one we've had so far I think if I was in the sexual arena yeah the sexual theatre yeah fight to the death it is a fight the sexual theatre is a theatre of death manga games I would I think I would more I'd be more confident about deploying chandelier.

11:57Deploying. As in... Go, go, go, go, go. No, I'm thinking about what word... What word... Norks. I'd use norks. That's what I mean. You're having sex with your girlfriend and I don't talk during sex because I'm British. Yeah. But what word for boobs are you more likely to deploy and it not end the session, right? Norks, chandeliers, bazookas, or puppies. I think puppies is disgusting yeah to call boobs melons i mean i think top bollocks is the worst top bollocks get your top bollocks out love get your top bollocks out baps i like baps i like yeah but using that in a sexual you do that from a building site oh look at those baps you've got such lovely baps you've got such sick in my mouth.

12:50Oh God. Isn't it horrible? Yeah. A pussy and some puppies. It's a fucking battersy dog's home in your bed. What about the twins? Twins is quite tame. Show us the twins. I prefer that to puppies. I think puppies is astonishingly gross. I think I coined twins. What do you mean you coined it? I think I've made up. No you haven't. No you haven't. I've heard it before. Have you? Yeah Charlie. Well I made it up out of my own head then. Show us the twins. Do you want me to play with your twins? Do you want me to blow on your twins? Do you want me to look after your twins while you go to the bathroom.

13:19Do you want some free childcare this weekend? Do you want to look after the twins? I'll take them around London. Do we take the twins to the... Drop the twins off at the pool? What's that? I don't really know. Drop the twins off at the pool. Shuff your boobs in the toilet. So puppies or melons? Melons is also coming into the parlance. So, I mean, just before we crack into the... You know, I know that people at home... The Potemic figure. And people are thinking, get on with it. People are thinking, why are you holding... You're edging us. Why are you dancing around? You've been waiting for six months to do that.

13:47why aren't you dealing with him because i just want to put a flag in the sand that in the space of six years we've gone from chandeliers bazookas norks to puppies right and by a chi chi i mean the slang for boobs you can you can trace spasms of change are happening shuddering change shuddering change men are quivering at the sight of norks puppies melons you know you can the permissive society is what i'm trying to get to yeah this is what we're tracing. Yeah. You know, and it's nice to know that Churchill never called them puppies. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything?

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15:14issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch. Terms and more at applecard.com. Propel Fitness Water with Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar and vitamins. Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade electrolytes. So when did the kind of prime of the, because the 60s transfers from swinging 60s London transfers to California, late 60s. The centre of culture for a couple of years is London. And it's not really like that kind of ever again in this century where it's like the beginning.

15:53Certainly not nowadays in London, Stan. No, God no. But it transfers to California, late 60s. Right. So it's actually a very small window where the newest fashions, the kind of, the most trendy place in the world is London. I don't know when that is. But also... When is the prime swinging 60s London? I think it's 64 to 67, but also, what Andrew Marr said in his book is that it's literally 20 people that are the London set. Like it's five rock stars, a couple of models of photographer. That's what Sam Rock's saying as well. Yeah, it's 20 people. Most people are living 50s lives. If you live in Reading, you don't give a fuck about swinging London because you're in boring Reading.

16:27Yeah, it's a couple of streets. It's a couple of streets in London. Anyway, let's stop dithering and get in to the big dog. Alec Douglas Hume becomes prime minister because Harold Macmillan, his predecessor his prostate his prostate's gone up like a hot air balloon he'd caved in it had imploded like a submissible in the ocean of not having sex he is he is a lord so this is a real establishment stitch up which paves the way in for Harold Wilson of course is that he has to reject his peerage and then he contests a constituency of Kinross and West Perthshire West Perthshire and so for two weeks he is a prime minister who belonged to neither the lords and all the commons.

17:11Right. So it's a complete, you know, if you think about the optics of Macmillan falling from, you know, losing the moral authority and then the Tory party getting in someone who's not elected at all for two weeks. True old boy. It's a real old boy stitch up. Jobs for the boys. Howard Wilson. Hand shanties for the lads. Oh, please. Please. Howard Wilson takes issue with this and describes it as a counter revolution. Yeah. so who is this mysterious man born in 1903 descendant of a long line of Scottish nobility and all the way back to Robert the Bruce went to Eton obviously now he mentions in his autobiography astonishing who's written that I mean who is reading not us you get a picture of Hume's autobiography what's it called what's it called what's it called what do you think it's called My Life in Politics At Home with Hume Douglas Alec Home well that's just how his name's spelled Alec Douglas' Home Alone, and it's like...

18:07Yeah. The Way the Wind Blows. An autobiography. I'd like to read the blurb of that, if you wouldn't mind. The book offers a glimpse into his life and political career, particularly his experiences in foreign affairs and diplomacy. While some readers... You're gone. While some readers find it a pleasant and easy read, others note a lack of depth and personal insight into his motivations. Right. I guess his career had no depth. Yeah. So... A key aspect of the book, he was a decent and genuine man. with limited personal reflection right so uh eton uh he talks about fagging yes which we touched on the last episode but i feel like given the sparsity of other things to talk about we should deal with fagging now was fagging is a thing at your school it was not was it a thing at your school i don't think i mean i didn't board so i don't i don't think it was it was maybe a boarding thing thank you charlie um if you're listening we've got we've got a homophobic steven hall Hawking in the corner.

19:07Detective Hawking, how to catch a homo. Stephen Hawking meeting Elton John. Get a photo of that up. Yeah. Get a photo of Stephen Hawking meeting Elton John. Can you just play the, play the sound again? Fuck. Yeah. That's what, that's Hawking meeting, um, that's Hawking in June. Yeah. In central London. Yeah. So basically in very old school, elite boarding school, there's not even all private schools. This is like top end, really traditional. born in schools to kind of uh make it as traumatic and grueling as possible which is what elite boarding schools are about yes it's about getting really wealthy privileged people to have also have really miserable lives as well yes but just by their own volition so fagging is is when you you make a younger pupil act as your sort of personal slave yes fag comes from apparently comes from weary which is interesting it is interesting because they're not they're not weary the right Right to fag carries with it certain well-defined duties.

20:05The fag master. When did the right to fag come in? I view myself as a bit of a fag master. That's under Wilson, I think. The right to fag. Right to fag act. I think that's 1967. People are trying to repeal it. Yeah, the right to fag. Would you say you fag me? I feel like I'm maybe. You're the fag of this podcast. I think you're the fag of this podcast. The fag master is the protector of his fags and responsible for their happiness and good contact. So what, is it just like your mother hen? I'd see myself as a fag master. fags had to black boots polished boots polished boots brushed clothes clean rooms cooked breakfast also so I read this in Roald Dahl's autobiography he went to a very fancy school as well yeah he was a fag yeah and but that's unrelated yeah anyway enough about a sex line he one of the main things that fags would do during the winter is they had to go sit on the toilets in the morning to warm them up so that because it obviously it's freezing cold oh I'd love a fag at home to warm my toilet seat because the problem at the moment is that my wife does that but then i have to sit in her funk i have to sit in her wife funk which i don't want to so she's got she's like a fag who's not uh shitting in the loo yes don't speak about my wife in those terms she admits a funk but she does warm the toilet seat yeah to the i'd say the perfect temperature because I think too hot makes my poo a treat.

21:28Does she, is it a service? No, it's just that her metabolism is faster than mine. Right, okay. I'm just wondering if she does other toilets. Oh, I'm sure, I'm sure I could. You could pimp her out? Yeah, rent a wife. And it's not pimping because it's purely warming toilet seats, which if you've just had a child is also probably the most action you're getting. What a warm toilet seat? It's the feeling of the warmth from your wife's buttock after she's had a poo. Yeah. That's the most I can get. That's what you need. In the six months I got first shot, that was all I got really. That had to sustain me three months of a newborn life.

22:04Just that, that buzz, you know. Yeah, that's all you need. That's all you need. No, I'd be well up for having, I think that's a very good service. Toilet bag. Yeah. He just mentions it. So he graduates with a third from Oxford. Fucking hell. So he's not remarkable really at all. Jobs for the boys. It is totally jobs for the boys. He plays county cricket at Middlesex County Cricket Club. Loves cricket. He plays international matches against Argentina on an MCC tour in 26, 27. He then takes a two-year sabbatical, of course, at his family's estates. So blah, blah, blah. Now, this is the last type of this sort of politics, which you get a bit with Reece Mogg, actually, I say.

22:44It's coming back a bit. Right. But there's a type of person who thinks, well, it's my duty as a proper bloke, as a gentleman, to enter politics. Yeah. It's the ultimate patrician, isn't it? Right. And this is where this ends. This is why he's significant, actually. Macmillan, you know, if it wasn't for this, you'd say it was Macmillan, but this is the last patrician. This is truly the last one. All the stuff he said about Macmillan, this is actually... This is actually the last one. Yeah. So 31, he's elected as a unionist MP. He married his headmaster's daughter. See, all of these, like, people who end up in power, they're always marrying the boss's...

23:17Yeah, they are. ...boss's kid. It seems to be a way to climb up the greasy pole. And then Macmillan's watching them fuck. Yeah. oh my word okay so his wife's not a looker um what's it hang on go up the lady home of the hercel my god so she's the wife she's the first lady at one point yeah proper scottish fair that now yes that is a scottish fair should we should we is it tasteless to rank um prime minister's wives yeah i think it is tasteless is it let's do it let's do it right can you get churchill's wife up get at least wife up get mcmillan's i mean so we're gonna have three should we discount mcmillan because he never it wasn't really his wife a bit of a beauty contest church's wife okay not bad right 17 this is violet okay i like violet she looks like she's got she's got a very kind face i like clementine yeah she looks like churchill eden had two wives so let's get them both up so this is clarissa she's a bit older there oh yeah oh but you can see she was a real smoke show in the early yeah yeah yeah but I mean Eden's Eden's gonna be who's Beatrice Beckett no her eyes are too far apart he made the right decision in divorcing her I'll tell you that now I think Clementine's beautiful Churchill's wife I think Eden's first wife Eden's first wife no Eden's second Eden's second Eden's first wife we will do a series on the wives of prime ministers we will rank them that's Lisa Ann Charlie that's Gordon Brown's wife that's Jane Brown that's why his eyes are like that

24:49too much motorboating

24:55the tits are so big that he needs his eyes to be able to what um what are we calling her puppies were too those aren't puppies they're fucking rottweiler sees her hands got my gordon brown's eyes are like that okay Christ anyway Neville Chamberlain makes Douglas Hume his parliamentary private secretary his fag if you will right and so he goes to the Munich Agreement he's at the Munich Conference he's there he's there he recounted that he saw Hitler walking with his arms hung low to his knees and they swung in unison giving him a curiously animal appearance like a sort of monkey Hitler monkey Nazi monkey Nazi monkey Nazi monkey lovely stuff he also said that Mussolini kept walking around with his chin up to conceal an unsightly carbuncle on the top of his head what's a carbuncle it's like a big wart is it let's get a bit it's a cluster of boils let's have a look right oh is that why Mussolini's like this yeah it's because he's got a massive spot on his head oh god that's disgusting so war record none because and this I have to say is the funniest thing about him yeah so in 1940 he signs up to go and fight in World War 2 yeah but his doctor tells him firstly to wait three months to settle his nerves because he I mean he's the right type of bloke that they go are you sure you want to do this yeah then he comes back he has a medical check and discovers he's got TB in his spine so if he had not been caught then he could have been paralysed are we sure that's true well well if it's not then what happens next is insane okay so he has a six hour operation to remove a bit of his spine and they replace it with a bit of his shin and for the next two years do you do that?

26:43it's not like when you get pubes for your hair transplant or something or whatever it is is that what they do? in Turkey? I don't know take your pubes and put them on your head I don't think they do that I don't think they do that you come back and you just got stinky you've got a bush you've got like a 70s deep throat bush on your head. You've been turkey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It did feel weird that they were doing that. Yeah, my head fucking stinks now. But my balls never smelled better. I got head hair down there. I got dick hair up there. Perfect. What would it look like? Because what you want is long, luscious shampoo and conditioned hair for your pubes.

27:24Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like Iggy Pop kind of like long blonde hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want the dick to be behind a curtain. And then you want a sort of a pube fro. Yeah. Oh my God. That's someone who glued pubes to their skin. Someone did it. Oh, they deleted it. So on Reddit, the thread is, I gave up slash I glued pubes to my head. It wouldn't look good. It's more like, it's just the eyebrows really, as opposed to hair. You just got big eyebrows as opposed to more hair. Right. You know. Anyway, what happens is they take a bit of his shin, put it in his spine. To recover, he is entirely encased in plaster.

28:02for two years. Was it during the war? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Lying on his back for two years. Like this. So Macmillan was playing dead at the Somme. Yeah. And Douglas I. was just going. He's literally in plaster lying on his back like this waiting for his spine to heal. On the front was it a shell? Was it a fucking shrapnel? Yeah. No. No. It's just a surgery gone wrong. I only even left my house. It didn't even go wrong. It's just that they took a bit of a spine out and they had to wait for it to fuse over two years. That's crazy. So he is lying in plaster like a mummy for two years. Yeah. And apparently he gains four stone, going from 11 stone to 15 stone.

28:42Then he has to lose the weight when he loves to walk again. He genuinely just read communist books and then became virulently anti-communist. That's quite funny reading it and going, oh, what a load of bollocks. Yeah, just while you're there. Oh, what a load of shit. I don't need anyone. I'm self-sufficient. Sorry, can someone help me piss? Can someone bring me some food? pull yourselves up by a bootstrap. Could you wipe my ass, please? Yeah, I can't wipe my ass, I've just done a big poo in the plaster. How's he pooing? People need to learn to stand on their own two feet. Yeah. I can't walk. Yeah.

29:16It's like, it's a free market hawking. Yeah. Who's just, who's just sort of in the, just lying there. Free market hawking. Free market hawking. Without the clever stuff. Yeah. It's Hawkins without the brain. It's just a virulently anti-communist Hawkins. so back to politics in 43 he returns to parliament following his his two years of being in plaster so he's out of the paper mache now yeah yeah he's been encased in paper mache I mean the smell of his balls when they cut that off oh do you know when you know when you cut like your arms in plaster you cut it off the stink is like evil it's like it's like an evil watch strap smell yeah imagine that but it's your like there's an ancient evil to it yeah it's like a darkness you cannot comprehend end so he loses his seat um in 45 which is quite funny given he's just he's just been able to sit up loses that so he gets out of a seat for the first time in five years yeah and then they go right you've lost your seat so 1950 wins a seat back after distributing a letter from the rival mp the letter oh the letter is so he snitched he's a snitcher because his rival for the seat was a communist blah blah blah in 1951 his father dies so he becomes so he then steps down from the commons to take up his hereditary period so he gets a promotion gets a promotion and he's he's done nothing and he's got a promotion all he's done is lie down for two years during the war basically every other prime minister at this point has done something to contribute towards the war effort he's lying down for two years yeah well someone's got to I lay down my life I lay down I lay down for a bit and then I got up again this episode is brought to you by PayPal you know how a mom's bag has everything sunscreen snacks a stapler the new PayPal app is like that but for your money shop pay manage your account and earn rewards all in one place and with purchase protection on eligible items biometric security and pass keys you're protected at every step Download the new PayPal app to get started.

31:23See paypal.com slash protection terms.

31:50issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch. Terms and more at AppleCard.com. Propel Fitness Water. With Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar, and vitamins, Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade electrolytes. 1960 becomes Macmillan's foreign secretary, which is obviously controversial because he's unelected. Does he have anything that he did which was good, like even politically? let alone the war did he have some success as a minister or is he just from good stock he goes back he becomes Heath's foreign secretary and I think he does something right then fine but even that I'm not sure yeah so the basically entirety of his year long premiership is dominated by the fact there's an election coming up right he left ministers to get on with the job because he didn't know what the fuck was going on don't assume didn't have any landmark policies so like the independence of Malawi, Zambia, Zanzibar, Malta.

32:51But were all developed under Macmillan. Yeah. So he literally did absolutely nothing. He may as well have been in plaster. Yeah. For his entire premiership. His entire premiership was just lying there like that. Come on, stop being, pick yourself up by your bootstraps. He accepts the report's findings on higher education. He accepts them. Yeah. If someone brings it, I accept it. I accept that. Brilliant. He's set in train a massive expansion in higher education. Okay. And then, really, the big thing is that JFK is assassinated a month into his tenure. He had a good relationship with JFK during his time as foreign secretary, but didn't continue with the successor.

33:32Oh, Lyndon B. Johnson. All right. Because the special relationship sours a bit under B. Johnson. Does it? Yeah. He like a... Enormous hog he had. Yeah, massive hog. You've seen those pictures of him leaning over people as well. I mean, he used his height to devastate him. When we do the equivalent series for the US, American presidents, Lyndon B. Johnson's arguably the greatest president, I think. Yeah, I love Lyndon B. Johnson. He's amazing. He's fascinating. Real bully. Bully, massive hog. So you do this thing, you just intimidate people where you stand right up close. But there's something to it.

34:03If you are the most powerful man in the world, fucking throw it around a little bit. And also, he'd have meetings where he'd just go for a shit halfway through and leave the door open and just carry on talking to like secretaries while he's pooing. He's like a power pooer. and he would always talk about how uncomfortable his suit was because his hog's so big bb once got bollocked by a director and then halfway through the bollocking he went for a shit and it took ages was he still bollocking it while he was having no no but it was like 25 minutes wow and he came back it stank they were all in the room and then he kind of forgot anyway you guys can go yeah so i think he's like i'm just gonna go to the loo i'll be right back i'm angry with you guys and then just like clear just he got just stank the room out he got so angry he pooed yeah i guess so wow 25 minutes just they're just sat there two women but do you think i think the average time of a shit has gone up since since smartphones yeah because i think now people i notice this myself a lot i'm having a poo and then i'm on my phone and then i finished the poo ages ago but i'm just on the phone yeah in the 90s you're having a poo you're getting on with it you're back out there yeah you have like red marks on your yeah legs from where you've been yeah I've got poo grooves I'm watching entire I'm watching entire TV series on the toilet yeah Netflix series entirety of the West Wing yeah I watched the entirety of Seinfeld I'm not doing that Charlie alright so he didn't get on with Lyndon B.