In short
The episode discusses the English “highwaymen” tradition and how it evolved into romanticized (but often brutal) armed robbery, focusing on Dick Turpin and the broader context that produced highway robbery. It also traces early legal controversy around “blackface,” beginning with the Black Act of 1723, and contrasts daytime acceptability with nighttime concealment.
Guests
Horatio Gould (co-host/guest). Bill Simmons is the host (mentioned as “Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast”); the episode is presented as Finn vs. History.
Key claims
Highway robbery’s “golden age” peaks after the English Civil War, when thousands of unemployed royalist cavalrymen are armed and travel becomes riskier. Turpin is portrayed as a real, brutal criminal later romanticized into a “gallant” figure. The Black Act of 1723 outlawed blackface at night as concealment for violent crime.
Notable examples
Claude Duval’s “courteous” robberies (including a recorder-playing scene) and his later execution; Hyde Park being lit by oil lamps in 1690; stagecoaches as targets; the Essex Gregory gang’s shift from deer poaching to violent raids; Turpin’s alleged assaults on an elderly farmer (300 pounds stolen) and an elderly widow threatened with being thrown into a fire.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOWhimsical History and Aesthetic of Highwaymen
1:15 to 1:29
Discussion on the whimsical aspects of highwaymen and their cultural aesthetic.
Whimsical History and Aesthetic of Highwaymen
1:46 to 3:59
Discussion on the whimsical aspects of highwaymen and their cultural aesthetic.
“I'm going to kill you and assault your wife.”
The Debate on Autism and Cultural Perception
3:59 to 4:48
Exploration of autism as it relates to racial and cultural identities.
The Peculiarly English Fascination with Crime
4:48 to 7:10
Analyzing the English fascination with polite crime and gentlemen thieves.
Dick Turpin's Legacy and Historical Context
7:10 to 9:33
Examining Dick Turpin's legacy and its place in 18th-century England.
“Because the entitlement to think you can lock a bit off.”
Dick Turpin's Legacy and Historical Context
11:05 to 12:12
Examining Dick Turpin's legacy and its place in 18th-century England.
“And I'd like to live as a fat transgender Mexican.”
Dick Turpin's Legacy and Historical Context
12:21 to 12:57
Examining Dick Turpin's legacy and its place in 18th-century England.
“then you will get four extra months of Surfshark.”
The Highwaymen in English Folklore
14:13 to 15:51
Explore the concept of highwaymen in English folklore and their cultural significance.
“So now the Highwaymen, the idea of a kind of noble robber has been central to English folklore for a while.”
The Lawless Period and Highway Robbery
15:51 to 17:59
Discuss the lawless nature of the English Civil War period and its impact on highway robbery.
“Comedian Finn Taylor plays whack-a-mole with the poor working actors at the London Dungeon.”
Stagecoaches and Their Vulnerabilities
17:59 to 20:34
Understand the role of stagecoaches during the period and their susceptibility to robbery.
“Now, what is it, Charlie, can you find out how many people are in a coach in this day and age?”
Show all 28 chapters
Dick Turpin: Fact vs. Fiction
20:34 to 23:18
Separate the myths from the realities surrounding the infamous highwayman Dick Turpin.
“Nonces who wear neckerchiefs kind of go to fancy dress parties.”
Claude Duval: The Charming Highwayman
23:18 to 28:00
Learn about Claude Duval, a highwayman known for his manners and unique heists.
“You have a sort of foreskin over your wrists, this huge floppy hood that you wipe your ass with, you wipe your nose.”
The Cow-Dog Prank
28:00 to 28:42
Learn about a humorous historical prank involving a disguised dog causing chaos in a pub.
“To be fair, if you had like a dog dressed as a fucking horse coming, a cow coming out of the fire.”
Duval's Charisma and Downfall
28:42 to 29:26
Explore the life of Duval, a highwayman celebrated for his charm but ultimately captured.
“And it says here, Duval was loved by women of all classes and was always impeccably dressed.”
Memorials and Myths
29:26 to 29:54
Discuss the memorial for Duval and the implications of his notorious legacy.
“Yeah, when you put burkas on chair legs because they're too...”
Highwaymen vs. Samaritans
29:54 to 30:44
A comedic debate comparing highwaymen to the concept of a Samaritan, touching on morality.
“The second conqueror of the Norman race.”
Understanding the Samaritan
30:44 to 32:48
Delve into the origins and meanings of the term 'Samaritan' and its cultural implications.
“Because there's a guy who's basically harassing you with good stuff on the road.”
Crime and Community Justice
32:48 to 34:58
Learn about the hue and cry system in 18th-century England and its role in community justice.
“I think they'll go with me for this one.”
The Black Act of 1723
34:58 to 35:49
Examine the Black Act of 1723 and its connection to the controversial practice of blackface.
“Well, talking about good stuff, this is phenomenal, right?”
The Black Act of 1723
36:35 to 37:04
Examine the Black Act of 1723 and its connection to the controversial practice of blackface.
“Avatar Fire and Ash is now streaming on Disney+.”
Introduction to Dick Turpin and Poaching
42:01 to 43:38
Explore the early criminal activities of Dick Turpin and the Essex gang.
“it's a rare moment in history where men were serving cunt more than women.”
From Poaching to Violent Crime
43:39 to 45:31
Discuss the escalation of crime from poaching to violent robberies.
“So Dick Turpin becomes useful as a venison fence.”
The Brutality of the Essex Gang
45:32 to 47:09
Learn about the gang's brutal methods and public reactions.
“which is the equivalent of tens of thousands.”
The Joseph Lawrence Attack
47:10 to 49:14
Delve into a notorious robbery and its horrifying details.
“the guy's got dementia or something, but he knows history or history makes sense to him, and he's been watching all the episodes in the care home.”
The Capture of the Essex Gang
49:15 to 51:00
Investigate the downfall of the Essex gang and their eventual capture.
“So, yeah, it's not really, it's not cricket, this stuff.”
Aftermath and Execution of Gang Members
51:01 to 56:00
Examine the fate of gang members and the concept of public execution.
“He used to go to my university, but he was older than everyone else.”
Exploring the Concept of Gibbet
56:00 to 57:26
Learn about the historical significance and implications of gibbets.
“What's, Charlie, difference between gibbet and giblet.”
Upcoming Guest and Patreon Promo
57:26 to 59:53
Find out about the next episode guest and the benefits of joining their Patreon.
“Avatar Fire and Ash is now streaming on Disney+.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Push your limits, train with precision, see the results. At Equinox, that's high-performance loving. Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox. Start today at equinox.com. I see you. Avatar Fire and Ash is now streaming on Disney+. It's the film critics are calling the best Avatar yet. Go, go, go, go! A true epic and completely jaw-dropping. This is the only purest thing in this world. Return to Pandora on Disney+. It will be an adventure for the whole family. And watch the Oscar-winning phenomenon at home. This is sick! Avatar Fire and Ash, now streaming on Disney +, rated PG-13.
0:45This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.
1:28Welcome once more to Finn vs. History. I'm joined by Horatio Gould. Stand under with her. Today, there was a little Asian. Yeah, no, it wasn't Asian. It was a guy with a sort of wisp. I've got a lisp. Oh, stand under with her. Put your hands up, please. Yes, because this is a sort of dandy-ish topic. This is Dick Turpin and Highwaymen. I'm going to kill you and assault your wife. Keep it light. Early doors. This is history for fans of Noel Fielding. yeah oh no jokes yeah just a vibe anyway um it's yeah highwaymen yes this is the topic it's it's dandies it's whimsical history fruity rapists fruity rapists i suppose i didn't know much about this and i still don't think i like people who like this no having having although it's funny i don't know if there's enough i don't know enough people are into it to say it's like a niche it's not like that.
2:23There's definitely an aesthetic that is a niche. It's an aesthetic, fine. People who say, rather than saying, do you want to go for a pint and they go, a flagon of ale, maybe? And you go, fuck off. Those people. Do you know who I mean? Do you know anyone like that? No. Come on. A flagon of ale? You hang out with people like that. I don't hang out with anyone who says flagon. You dress like people like that. Yeah, but I've never heard the word flagon. Maybe it's a mead today? And you go, fuck off. What are you? Mead stinks as well. Mead sucks. Yeah, it does. It really sucks. And also, I reckon people who like this topic really smell yeah is it the sort of person who says like my lord yes my leech yes my leech fuck off i hate i hate those people it's sort of on the road to steampunk exactly it's jack the ripper it's titanic it's on the way to it yeah that's something dick turpin the dandiest georgian highway because i guess like the sort of i don't know star wars artist there's like an honesty there you know the comic book guy there's a purity you know what i mean he's it's space it's like it's like you know figurines going into each other it's not he's not presenting himself as anything but a big fat nerd yes you know what i mean yeah but this sort of like i'm sort of a gentleman oh you know foppish yeah foppish wearing waistcoats and stuff like that it's like you don't know what you are is it gay autism is that why it's confusing gortism gortism well as i think we discussed this on a scale of autism i think if you're white straight it's the easiest to pick up autism yes and the further you get away from white straight the harder it is to spot yeah so black autism very hard what is what does that look like blotism it's big the blotism is big and to be honest there's a lot of people i think if you're white you assume every social interaction that you fucked it up with a black person right yes you're like i'm ned flanders i'm you know i'm a loser i don't actually i'm very confident every time i reckon i can say this but i'm not autistic but when you keep when i've met some of these guys a couple of times then you're like oh no he has autism yeah but you don't get white person out the gate yeah right obviously women it's more disguised so black female autists very hard hard spot takes a formidable yeah hidden figures yeah you votes black women with autism are the you boats i was gonna say i tell you what black autism is why are you gay that's black autism yeah because that's a mad thing to ask someone yeah i guess so that's an autistic question no but it's on the i think the black autistic uh culture is on the rise is it it's coming through the love of anime that's a very that's that's been intertwined with black culture yeah there's like a real like they're kind of like they get a lot of passes but they're they're getting really into nerd culture i think i think it's rising up tiger woods do you reckon he's autistic i think he's i think he's mixed race yeah i'm not saying it's not one or the other he's not one or the other no he's not he's not he's not he's not constantly wearing black tie he is black tie yeah yeah or black japanese blapanese yeah blapanese i think blapanese that's a lovely word to say blapanese staccato dick turpin and highwayman the now there's something peculiarly english about this fascination of um you know why is it that the english loved armed robbery when it's done politely yes there's a peculiarly english fascination there's something about a level of dissent but done within the rules of a gentleman's kind of code of conduct the idea that you are breaking the rules but doing it in a kind of in the fashion of someone who sticks to the rules it's a very english phenomenon sorry totally such in dick turnip which really changes the vibe it was dick turnip that's that's what i've got going on down there i've got a dick turnip it's the same letters but in a slightly different order completely changes maybe that was his name dick turnip dick no turnip dick that turnip dick that doesn't really work at all that's like is that what they say hitler had yeah well that's just come out that's just come out and obviously we might as well i have been assaulted in the last 36 hours with this uh reel from the times about how hitler had a micropenis uh they've sequenced his dna i'll be yeah i'll be getting sent at the whole time and uh apparently they've taken a bit of occupational hazard i guess sofa yeah it comes to the territory um i don't hate it no but i i almost i almost feel like i need to set up a separate email address for all hitler correspondents what would you call the email address would be like um hitler faqs at fumble ruski.com hitler news hitlerinfo um dot de obviously anyway um or dot nz no that's new zealand yeah anyway uh so the news is that they've got found an allied soldier in the 40s found a bit of sofa from the bunker with his blood on it and they finally sequenced hitler's dna and they think they might have this thing called calvin syndrome which is means you puberty are stunted and you he might have not it might actually only had one ball well that people have talked about that for a while yeah that's been around a micro penis yeah but i really find it funny how they presented the information as if that explains everything right oh okay we all know guys with small cocks are overcompensating he just did it in a very weird way i mean overcompensating is one thing i mean is that's over that's over over overcompensating i mean that's really overcompensating it's like as if the jews are in charge of penis size yeah like what as if it's like well you've proved it then yeah fine okay sorry you don't have a small dick yeah and he's what he hates jews because they're circumcising and they're taking length off and he finds that arrogant he's got a small i mean i don't understand what possible...
7:49Because the entitlement to think you can lock a bit off. You could lose a length. Who are these arrogant Jews? We must kill them! You know, it's crazy. Anyway, that we're not talking about Hitler's micropenis. We're talking about... But we need to deal with that. We're not talking about turnip dick either. Although we don't know whether Dick Turbin had a micropenis. No. He probably didn't. Or a turnip. Or a turnip for a dick. I don't know. Anyway, where are we in the world? We are in England, thank God, in the 18th century. this is the time that Dick Turnip fucking hell, Dick Turnip let's just call him Dick Turnip let's not always call him Dick Turnip his name but I do think not Braddish I do think that Dick Turpin if he was kimchi pussy sorry?
8:32go on he's already been ashamed say that again you were instantly ashamed what did you just say? kimchi pussy kimchi pussy do you think that's a Japanese Hyrum one is it? I don't know kimchi pussy fermented Fermented cabbage pussy. Yeah. Pussy kimchi. That's Korean highwayman. Yeah. Right. So Korean carjacking. Oh, bloody hell. Kimchi pussy's on the lose again. I mean, if it was a really terrifying guy, that would be a really scary name. Kimchi pussy. I don't think it would actually. I don't think I'd be that scared. Oh my God. It's kimchi pussy. Oh my God. Oh my God. Hide. Kimchi pussy's here.
9:07It's kimchi. I do think of Dick Turpin. Well, the name's pussy. Kimchi pussy. i do think if he was known as if he was known in history as richard turpin we would not be talking about right because richard turpin works in hr or like fucking data management my name's richard turpin yeah yeah my name is richard turpin i work in data management dick dick turpin again it's cheeky you know not cock turpin that's vulgar you know throbbing dick turpin but once again this goes in the lineage of uh the romanticization of rapists of the past it does yeah we talked about it in the piracy series yeah uh dress up uh for kids birthdays dick turpin definitely would be in the roster right yes highwayman of course goes pirates vikings you name it it's all this is a similar age to the golden age of piracy yeah is uh but i guess maybe the counter point of that point is maybe all men were raping all the time so it's sort of like anything anyone from the past yes yeah exactly put a flag anywhere men will be raping um yeah you're i guess you're assuming that we've kind of progressed past yeah yeah um yeah i don't believe we have i don't want to speak for all women but i i imagine there's still a bit of fruitiness going on put it mildly um what was he charged for fruitiness my word anyway christ we are in england in the 18th century uh in the 1730s so to place this for our thick fat listeners this is after martin luther and it's before martin luther burger king which is what i call body positive activists so before the body positivity movement yes yeah before um malcolm xxl martin luther burger king whatever you want to call them big is beautiful apart from if i had to sleep with another big person then it's not can i please the skinny person can i also take that drug that just makes me lose weight without me having to do anything thank you brilliant this episode of fin versus history is brought to you by surf shark now you use vpns don't you yes i do you have to nowadays you've got to in modern britain it's impossible to access anything that's not just mary berry cutting a cake exactly but you know the internet's changed it's not like you're not just surfing the web it's dangerous out there so much of life is out you know on the internet you've got to protect yourself but also i'm i'm a straight white man from the you know home counties.
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11:58It's not a holiday from your life. Yeah. You still have to live as you. Eventually, you'll have to log off the VPN and still be you. And still be you. But I don't think anything can really offer that service. You won't change your job. And if you do provide that service, we'll happily advertise it. So listen, head to Surfshark. And if you use the code FVH or go to surfshark.com slash FVH, that's FVH Foxtrot Vagina Hotel, then you will get four extra months of Surfshark. Yeah. It's a risk-free 30-day money-back guarantee. Gorgeous. Yeah, we want risk-free, but what you're looking up, that's on you.
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13:03Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox. Start today at equinox.com. I see you. Avatar Fire and Ash is now streaming on Disney+. It's the film critics are calling the best Avatar yet. A true epic and completely jaw-dropping. This is the only purest thing in this world. Return to Pandora on Disney+. It will be an adventure for the whole family. And watch the Oscar-winning phenomenon at home. This is sick! Avatar Fire and Ash, now streaming on Disney+. Rated PG-13. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work?
13:50It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. So now the Highwaymen, the idea of a kind of noble robber has been central to English folklore for a while. obviously Robin Hood is about, Robin Hood is fictional, but by the sort of late 16th century, Robin Hood is a familiar folk hero. The idea of stealing from the rich to give to the poor, you know, Kirstarmer, that's Londoner Stan, that's already a concept in the English psyche.
14:36But the golden age of the High Women kicks off because the English Civil War creates these conditions. Is a part of British history that I don't feel is that talked about? It's a bit of a transition period. Well, yeah, because you have the Georgian period You have the Tudors and all that Stuart stuff. And then Cromwell. Civil War and then Industrial Revolution, Victorian age. Or the Georgian, yeah. Romanticism. This period doesn't really... The 100 years or 1650, 1750 is quite... You can't really place it. There's not really many things to jump on. Yeah. Because it was a bit of a confusing period.
15:05You've got William of Orange, you've got the Restoration, and then you have the Golden Age of Satire. I might want you to use 15 years. But in 1651, this is when Cromwell sort of decisively... decisively so he's chopped off um charles the first's head at this point right and in 1651 there are now thousands of disenfranchised royalist cavalrymen unemployed armed to the teeth and very useful with uh horses and pistols so it's like the london dungeons closed down and suddenly there are a bunch of that's who these people are people who work at the fucking london dungeons i hate them they think they're so clever because they jump out you boo fuck off i'd love to go through London Dungeons with a cricket bat and just smack them all for four.
15:48I'd love to see you get arrested. It's like next. Comedian Finn Taylor plays whack-a-mole with the poor working actors at the London Dungeon. Boo! Bang! Cover drive. Next. Just walking through. Just shadow batting fucking unemployed actors pretending, thinking they're so big and clever because they've got a top hat on and they're scary. Anyway, what's this, Charlie? London Dungeons apologise for upsetting tweets. What have they jack the ripper just messaged he wants to netflix and kill right well so when was this 2017 because i live in jack the ripper land right so i've got jack the ripper tours outside my front door all the time there is a barber shop called jack the clipper yes that's pretty good it is good but it's also jack the ripper was what did rape a lot he raped his victims but it does seem kind of funny he also may have been a barber as we discussed in the series yeah so i mean it works but it is it's kind of funny the way that it's like he may have been the worst pun yeah if he was a hairdresser he was the worst hairdresser of all time like it's calling a barber shop hairy weinstein yeah yeah as i'm a bin taken if you could do like some have been taken taken what's what it's taken what's no what do you tell your barber like a bin man if a bin as i'm a bin taken as i'm a bin man yeah i'm a bin man yeah uh well you run a private refuse collection company called Osama.
17:08Yeah. I mean, that's pretty good. That's good. So the English Civil War creates these conditions. And so the great age of highway robbery, it peaks from sort of the 1650s It's quite a lawless period. Yes, it is. The kind of, the idea of a strong state has been, everything's up for grabs. No one really knows what's going on. No. There's a lot of changes in the air. And there's no law enforcement, really. And there's lots of roads. People are travelling more than ever because transport's getting easier. People are leaving the countryside to go to the cities more than ever. But there's no lights on the roads.
17:42There's no street. This is pre-street lamp, which is crucial. Isolated villages. It was so dangerous that travelers wrote wills before journeys. So if you went from London to Oxford, you'd write your will. That's how stressed it was. These big coaching routes. Now, what is it, Charlie, can you find out how many people are in a coach in this day and age? Because this is just, in my head, it's like four. well I'm imagining like a mega bus well I don't know what 87 no that's that's a you've just you've googled mega bus capacity I want to know in the 1650s how many people could fit in a coach you were just added 100 years to what Finn asked four horses yeah but design six passengers thank you so that's a that's a low bad economy almost that's a minivan isn't it it's like a four horses for six people that's an uber xl basically yeah yeah and so imagine an uber pool back then so you just had to kind of swing by, pick up random people.
18:35God, they're beaving. Have you got a will? Have I got a will? Yeah. Why do you point at me like that? You're not in it. Right. Did you genuinely think you were? I don't know. Have you written a will? Yes, I've got kids. We've been trying to get my dad to write a will. He's not written a will? That's hilarious. No, he hasn't. He won't do it. He's too scared of death. What, do you think wills will work nonsense? I think part of me, I think it's just like, if he does it, he'll die. Do you know what I mean? Okay, yeah. Otherwise he will it into existence. I see, right. I think he might have just written a will, but there's taken the will.
19:03I didn't know, that's smart to do it immediately. Well, it's not smart. If you just die, then the government just take everything. Do they? Yeah, basically. Is that how it works? Yeah. Should I write a will then? Yeah. I'm not writing one. I'm not, it feels weird writing a will now. Can you just put it in a Google Doc? It's funny to... Can I just write my final will in test? You have to leave everything to BB. Yeah. She wouldn't know what to do with it. Well, I don't have to. No. It's my fucking, I can do what I want with it right it's my work don't leave it to him he wouldn't know what to do with it either I'm not here anymore I just cause chaos yeah give me something yeah give it to give it to the free Weinstein jail fund fuck it is that is that a legitimate fund set it up set it up oh we're going to set it up alright we're going to use all my earthly possessions yeah sell them and set up the Harvey Weinstein free free fund fuck it I'm not here anymore yeah yeah you deal with it I don't care about legacy so So Hyde Park becomes notorious for highwaymen.
19:59So this is a period where London is so much smaller, right, that all of these areas that we're used to are the suburbs. Well, they're not even that. They're like villages. So like Finchley and Hampstead. Hampstead Heath, I think. Hampton was knocking about. Walthamstow Forest, Epping Forest, all of these. These aren't areas of London. These are nearby villages. Tottenham's a village. It still is, in my opinion. in 1690 William III orders Hyde Park to be lit by 300 oil lamps this is one of the first lit highways in Britain lit highway brother yeah because the danger is so bad so what is a stagecoach it's a four wheel public carriage and it provided scheduled passenger transport travelling in stages that's why it's called a stagecoach so it's the fastest mode of transport at the time but it became a huge target for gangs and thieves and one thing we must say about um dick turpin is that a lot of highwayman law yeah it's attributed to him but we need to separate the fact from the fiction that's quite a hard thing to do do we know much about him yeah we know we do okay well what's quite funny is this sort of you know the dandy-ish a flag of mead that nonce right what he likes about dick turpin is not dick turpin at all the actual richard turnip yeah was was a was a brutal murderer yeah of course but he's been romanticised to such an extent.
21:19Yeah, he's a fucking crook. He's Gavin Plum. Yeah, he is. Nonces who wear neckerchiefs kind of go to fancy dress parties. So the gallant highwayman sort of starts, we think, with a guy called Claude Duval. Right. Who's a French cunt. Sounds like a chef. Yeah, he does. But that's just because he's French. I mean, any French name sounds like a chef. No. Go on. Jacques. Bad start. In the box. Jacques in the box. Jacques in the box. Jacques in the box. Jacques in the box. That sounds like a toy. Jacques in the box. Yeah. So hang on. So you go to a restaurant and they say the chef is Monsieur Jacques in the Box.
21:53Oh, that sounds nothing like a chef. Yeah. That sounds like a chef. What do you mean? There's a cheap Christmas toy cooking my steak. Jacques in the Box. Jacques in the Box. Right. So Claude Duval is a French-born servant to Royalists who turns into a robber. And he's known because he sort of has this courteous style and he refuses to harm his victims. Right. The most famous episode, supposedly he holds up a coach with a nobleman and a nobleman's lady in it. And now this is quite a strange thing. Determined not to appear afraid, the lady takes out a recorder and starts playing. She was back to the corner.
22:30She had no choice. Which would make me just shoot her in the head. Because I fucking hate recorders. So it's trying to be a show of confidence. Yeah, I'm not bothered. Bang, how's that? But then Duval then takes one out of his own. I don't know why he's, why is everyone walking around with fucking recording? It's all the time. Everyone's got like a... An annoying time. And they probably pulled it out of a frilly sleeve. Like a magician. Do they have really big frilly cuffs? Yes, I think so. Oh, Christ. Because that would just get covered in food. Covered in, yeah. Food and piss. Imagine if I'm trying to piss with a huge foreskin over your wrist.
23:06A frilly cuff would look nice for one day. And then you'd have... You'd just know what I've done that entire day. It'd be awful. Written on my cuff. Difficult enough. You know how many times I've taken a shit, how many times I've pierced what I've had for breakfast. You're fucking wiping your ass with a frilly cuff. would be a nightmare. We don't have to wipe your ass with it. No, I mean, no reason, wiping your ass. Oh, right. Yeah, don't use it as... But how are they wiping their ass? Have they got a stick or something? No, they use the frilly cuff bit. That's rank. That's what it's for. It's just your...
23:27It's just toilet paper. It's a full toilet roll. You just have it. You have a sort of foreskin over your wrists, this huge floppy hood that you wipe your ass with, you wipe your nose. Yeah, it's like a... Yeah, it's a multi-purpose. Awful. Yeah. Anyway, so she plays the recorder. He plays the recorder as well. and then he comments and then the guy starts beatboxing this is the start of busking he comments to the noble that his wife played the recorder very well and would he like a dart would he let her dance with him this is like a beginning of a porno I know on the recorder it's and they dance on the heath and when they were done Duval Escorzo into the coach and then he says that it was like one of the nicest dancers he's ever had he was charmed by it But the husband had neglected to pay him for the music.
24:14And so he stole 400 pounds from him. So it's like a compliment sandwich, isn't it? Yes. I guess. Yeah. They're then thinking, oh, well, he was a nice guy. He's taken all my money. He's taken all my money. It's a bit like Nana's getting scammed. Yeah. Like, oh, what a lovely, what a lovely young man. Young man from India, that was. Yeah, a lovely young man. And then three days later, when they check the bank account, oh, right, it's all gone. That happened to Amanda once. That happened to my wife. Yeah. Really? Monzo. Yeah. How much? Quite a lot. and I had to call Andrew because he worked to get him to help but it was funny because she was on the phone for ages it was a family holiday she was on the phone for ages and I was outside listening to Ben Stokes thwack it about at Lord's on a sun lounge just ignoring everything and then that's what cricket's for that's what cricket's for and her dad and her brother were all random she's like there's something a bit weird about this call and they were like oh it's fine it's fine and then if I was in there I'd be like hang up they don't call you they don't call you that's what you've got to remember but Ben Stokes was absolutely hammering the Aussies at the time.
25:13I got, I got scammed out of 150 pounds. Right. That's all there was in the Mundo. And they were getting shitty with me as well. But I'm now so, basically if anyone calls me saying from anyone, fuck off, fuck off. And even if they go, if it's important, verify in the app, fuck off. No, don't call me. Don't call me. Don't call me. Don't text me. Oh, it's my money. I mean, I love people who scam scammers though. That is such good stuff. What? Like, um, cycling Mikey kind of thing. No, no, the people, are people who scam him? No, and he's kind of, he's a prick. I know he's a prick, but it's the same term justice.
25:45those mass scamming factories that in like the Philippines or India where they all are in one room and they're trying to trick old ladies out of their money. Yeah. But there's a guy who has like an old lady voice distorter and then just takes them on for like a two hour ride. Yeah. And then steals money from their bank accounts because he's so good at hacking. Oh, right. He like finds their information. He hacks into the CCTV of the building they're in and sends pictures of them to them. Who are these people? It's like, and then it has them beg. It is absolutely incredible. I've not seen it yet.
26:14But it's also great if, like, Paddy's mum, she always, like, keeps scammers on the phone for as long as possible. Yeah. And plays dumb. And then at the end, doesn't do it. And then they always, like, they'll be polite to you until the end. And they go, fuck you, fuck you, bitch. Fuck you, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck you, bitch. You've wasted your time as well then. No, but it's kind of, you know, it's fun to rile them up. It is fun to roll them up. Yeah. I do take a lot of my anger out. Oh, fuck off, bitch. I take a lot of my anger out on customer service people. Yeah. I do. Anyway, so this is another story from Claude Duval, not Jacques Inza Box.
26:46He sees a wealthy farmer with a bag full of money. At this time, people are just walking around with bags of money. So imagine how Charlie walks around just with cash in a wet plastic bag. I'm just going to the bank. Just coins. Just coins. you know when people go to Sains with a bag of coins to put in a machine to transmit that's Charlie's actual wallet it's a wet bag full of coins bag for life and leaves no that's your bag of life that's all your life is in there all my stuff keys coins will will sweets sweets anyway so he sees in Beaconsfield which again I've said this before the best services there is fuck T-Bay Beaconsfield's where you are okay so do you say T-Bay is considered the best T-Bay is aesthetically amazing.
27:32There's ducks, whatever. Beaconsfield, there's a fucking spoons in a services. Right. That is irresponsible. Knowing the people that are driving that route, that is irresponsible. The amount of DUIs that must be happening from Beaconsfield services. Right. Anyway, to create a distraction, now what's an Osler? It says he bribes an Osler. I don't know what an Osler is. A person who looks after the horses. Okay. A horse wrangler. Phoebe typed that in a very weird way after the horses he's capitalized after the horses the person who looks after the horses alright Christ I didn't know Phoebe came from a long line of oscillers and she's fucking livid I didn't know what an osciller was anyway so he bribes one of these horse botherers to lower a mastiff dressed up in a cowhide with horns down a chimney and then this mad disguised dog creates a panic amongst the people in the pub because they think it's the devil who's just come barking out of a fireplace.
28:28I mean, yeah, to be fair. And he runs in and steals the money. To be fair, if you had like a dog dressed as a fucking horse coming, a cow coming out of the fire. But this is like the original kind of like YouTube prank, isn't it? Right, yeah. Let's get a dog, dress him up as a cow with horns, shove him into a pub. Everyone would go, ah, fuck. And then he steals the money. Logan Paul in the suicide forest. And it says here, Duval was loved by women of all classes and was always impeccably dressed. Well, yeah, that's obviously he's written that now. This is when you know it's like, yeah, every woman loved me.
28:54Yeah, exactly. they can't get enough they can't get enough no matter who they are whatever you've got to tell yourself posh totty or tart they fucking can't get enough and he ends up captured while he's pissed at a tavern and executed despite attempts by Charles II to save him because I guess he's you know this idea is that true? we don't know I guess but then Charles this is yeah this is Dan Decentral this is Dan Decentral yeah and he was a bit the royalist with the fruitier side right this is the gayest England's ever been right yeah that's why I'm uncomfortable here I can't wait to get to the 19th century when it's considered an illness.
29:27Yeah, when you put burkas on chair legs because they're too... Get rid of them. I can't sit in a chair without getting a throb on. Chairs are too horny. Cover them up. Anyway, there's a supposed memorial for where he's buried, which says, Here lies Duval. Reader, if male thou art, look to thy purse. If female, to thy heart. Much havoc has he made for both. For all men he made to stand and women he made to fall. The second conqueror of the Norman race. Getting a bit racial there, isn't it? Yeah. Anyway. But at this point, in the 1600s, that's pretty light fair. I suppose so. What is it, Charlie?
30:06Is the highwayman sort of like a nasty Samaritan? No. The bad Samaritan? The bad Samaritan. Explain that thought. Well, they're both on the road, but the Samaritan's nice, and the highwayman is nasty. Well, I guess the fact that they're both on roads. Everyone's on a road at some point. Yeah. They're not defined by the road. Samaritans are defined by the road. No, in the original story, they are. And what about now? But actually, in the original story, a Samaritan is a tribe, right? And the word now means someone who helps you because of that Bible story. Yeah, but from the original thing, the good Samaritan, that archetype, it probably is the opposite.
30:42He's on the road all the time. No, no, Google what Samaritan is. Because there's a guy who's basically harassing you with good stuff on the road. Well, it's a charity mugger. It's with a tin. Spare a penny for the blind. fuck off what's the same no it's not the same it's the opposite it's bad Santa no it's not bad Santa Ty if you're if you're going to jump off a bridge you don't call bad Santa or good you don't even call good Santa you call the Samaritans yeah but if you and if you're trying to kill yourself you call the highway man no Santa doesn't stop you from killing yourself he delivers presents I can see what Charlie's saying yeah no I get what you're being obtuse no I'm not you're being thick Impossible.
31:23Can you Google who were the Samaritans originally? Yeah, but we don't mean the tribe. Obviously, we don't mean the tribe. No, but that's what I mean. These are like tribes. Why he's confused is he thinks the word Samaritan is someone who just stands on a road. But who was the good Samaritan? They're an ancient type of Jew, right? I don't know anything about that. That's what I'm talking about. You don't know anything. You're thick. They were an ancient type of Jew. Old Jews. And the parable of the good Samaritan is an old Jew who stopped by the road. And we say, when you're going to kill yourself, call the Samaritans.
31:55We don't say, call the Jews. That would be mad. Sort of like a Mel Brooks kind of thing. Nowadays, they're probably not going to help. Right? What's that supposed to mean? Well, it's satire about Gaza. Fair enough. Yeah. Do I need to spell it out?
32:13Thought I bet you were uncomfortable there. No. Fuck off. Nogs in the dungeons. Get to fuck. cover drive six it's about gaza fuck off fuck off next no i'm not writing a will i don't want to die if you write one you'll die um that's very funny your dad thinks writing a will will make you immediately die it's like it's not a suicide note is that what he thinks it is he thinks will is a suicide note it's not too dissimilar no so my point is that a samaritan is now not the word now means someone who helps you but originally it's someone who's a type of jew listeners will decide who's right. I think they'll go with me for this one.
32:51I don't think they will. We'll see. Let's hope. We'll set up a poll. Yes. High women are the opposite to that one bloke. The good Samaritan. Who's the only Samaritan anyone knows? No, it's not. Famously, Samaritans are now a charity. So we're named after that bloke. I think it's like a generational. Yeah, maybe it's a generational. It's a Gen Z thing. No, I think it's that you're fucking thick.
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33:16Anyway. 18th century england no formal police force much like today right so it's informal the police have been discredited you know when they say do a silly photo do an informal photo yes that's the police force they got yes the police are like walking around with their hats backwards you know nothing this is serious dress up there's crimes going on they've got their shirts untucked um so basically citizens formed mobs it's mob justice well yeah crime punishment at this point for for hundreds years in this country it's been the hue and cry you're a fan of the hue and cry uh there's a scottish band called hue and cry yeah but do you like the hue and cry as a concept i don't know what you know what it is so basically it means uh community justice right so if someone's neighborhood watch someone's been doing a raping or killing you go there's been a rape or a kill and then everyone chases after him basically oh fun yeah so that's how that's how justice was served and then the whole if there's a crook the whole village was just fucking well so if i'm on my street and there's someone at the bottom of the street who i think has done a rape i'd go there's been a rape and then everyone would come out their doors.
34:16Brilliant. It'd be like the postcode lottery ad where everyone's marching down the street. Get him. Someone's knocking on your door. Rapist. It's the postcode lottery. It's the lottery. We're going to turn off your door and call one of you a rapist. Get some images of the hue and cry up, please. Yeah, here we go. So this is the original. Yeah, it's raising the hue and cry. It's the original cancel culture. You'd shout at someone that they did something. Well, I guess this is how people like Gray and Lindenham would discuss how they're being treated. Yes. Okay. This is, yeah. This is a witch trial.
34:48This is a hue and cry. This is trial by combat. Yeah, I see. But medieval crime and punishment is great stuff. We could probably do an episode on it. There's so much good stuff. Well, talking about good stuff, this is phenomenal, right? Growing lawlessness in the start of the 18th century leads Parliament to enact the Black Act of 1723.
35:11Oh, she. it that's one that's quote from a famous parliamentarian of the time when he hears about the lawlessness um and they uh basically because people are going out at night and essentially blacking up to uh high camouflage so this is the the long road of the controversy of blackface yes this kind of begins here the null fielding controversy around blackface begins here right so if you're if you're wearing blackface at night it's not that it's a race thing far from it right it's that you're it's not cricket because you're concealing yourself for bad with bad faith because you want to assault someone at night.
35:46The long history of the controversial blackface. So blackface is outlawed in 1723. Wow. Interesting. Early that, isn't it? Yeah. I didn't know that. But during the day, blackface is fine. I think that's it. It's darkening one's face at night. So Matt Lucas is fine. Yeah. Somehow. We talked about this. He's somehow fine. Push your limits. Train with precision. See the results. At Equinox, that's high performance loving. Iconic spaces that inspire. Personal training backed by real data. Unlimited group fitness classes from yoga and Pilates to strength and conditioning. Elevate your post-performance ritual with saunas, steam rooms, cold plunges, and more.
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36:34I see you. Avatar Fire and Ash is now streaming on Disney+. It's the film critics are calling the best Avatar yet. A true epic and completely jaw-dropping. This is the only purest thing in this world. Return to Pandora on Disney+. It will be an adventure for the whole family. And watch the Oscar-winning phenomenon at home. This is sick! Avatar Fire and Ash, now streaming on Disney+. Rated PG-13. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.
37:28Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Now, who was Dick Turpin? Richard Turpin. It's so hard not to say turnip. Richard Turpin. I thought you said turd. Richard Turd. Richard Turbin. To Richard Turbin. He wasn't Richard Turbin. These days it probably would be.
37:53Richard Turbin. These days. I remember it's bloody Richard Turbin. Sadiq's London. Ahmed Turbin. Can't move for Richard Turbin.
38:16anyway christ he's born 1705 the height of the highwayman at the blue bell in in hempstead essex which is father all these areas are passing all of these places all the time he's a fucking halal butcher his father john turban if you gig if you gig if you're a gigging comedian in london yeah most of your paid gigs are an hour and a half from london yeah so all of this is just areas that have terrible horn church off the curb that gig in horn church fuck me that's bad that arts have you done that i've got a theory every off the curb gig off the curb great agency great agency but you and also i know the people who work there listen to this and you know your gigs are shit the the one in no but they're important they put that oh they're crucial you need to do curb gigs and not all of them are shit i mean i mean specifically the ones beginning with h i have a theory that if you ever accept an off the curb gig that begins with h and it's an hour and a half from london no no anywhere all right you're gonna for a bad time horn church right disaster yeah harper adams famously the worst yeah you would get eaten alive harper adams is an agricultural college in the midlands and it's like university for thick people uh they would say that themselves it's a farming university so you already literally thick people like their heads set thick built right literally now if you have the kind of energy of freshers week with with the kind of the ruggedness of farm life right you get this sort of baying mob of uggos and thick people basically and and there was a story of they they make you down a pint before you go on stage whether you drink or not.
39:57So like a Muslim comic, drink it. The story about someone who's driving, they're like, no, we're not going to pay you for this gig unless you down a pint of... He downed a pint of Red Bull, Joe Wells, and had to go on. It's crazy. The Portsmouth Wedge. I love the Portsmouth Wedge. That's all right. It's pretty fucking fruity, I feel. Yeah, it's Portsmouth. But Wedgwood Rooms, I've got a very special place. Coastal towns in this country. Special place in my heart, Wedgwood Rooms. I love that. no it's be anywhere beginning with h and it other ones haverhill yeah um where you're really high up on the stage and it's just you can you can hear your bombs echo around the room yeah you hear you bomb three times because the echo yeah one joke bombs three times awful i hate haverhill anywhere beginning with h yeah deadly anyway so his father John fucking I can't Turban yeah Daesh Turban his father Mohammed Turban is a butcher a turned innkeeper now turnips Turpins fuck Turpins early years are shaped by these trades and he becomes a butcher right a butcher's apprentice and he's described as quotes a fresh coloured man I don't know what that means no idea what that means What does that mean, Thames?
41:16Charlie, Google fresh-coloured man. I don't know. In today's, I don't know what on earth they're on about. Now, potentially offensive or antiquated, as did you describe a person's complexity as having lively, healthy, or ruddy colour? Ruddy colour. So red-cheeked. Red-cheeked. So drunk, basically. Big nose. Right. His most notable physical characteristic was that he was very much marked with the smallpox. Okay. Pockmarked face. Was that just like acne scars? I guess so. Right. And he typically wore a natural wig and a blue-grey coat, because this is wig central, right? This is when the hardest geezer you know will wear a wig.
41:48Well, this is when white guys were black women. You never know. Can I touch your hair? Is it real or not? You never know. It's a minefield. White men's hair in this era. What I like about this period, it's a rare moment in history where men were serving cunt more than women. Do you know what I mean? Like it was much more... It's the fruitiest England is. It's like the male peacock. Yes. and you know in some uh animals the man's much like yeah more flamboyant than the woman yeah lions you know a lot of uh male lions yeah well they've got the main the female lions are quite dull looking they are you're right yeah female lions also do make an effort love smile it might ever happen so anyway as a butcher turpin begins supplementing his income by poaching deer so he's he's a criminal from the off right and stealing cattle now there's something about you need a license to sell venison i think or venison is basically only only rich people eat venison venison license yeah i would love a venison i mean i love you get provisional venison license i don't think i don't think you have to learn how to eat it um but this activity brings him into contact with the notorious essex gang a violent group of poachers led by samuel the gregory gang jeremy gregory all right hello you cunts yeah so it's the yeah it's a long history of these guys.
43:09Cheeky chappies. And this is the one thing about highway robbery, I suppose, that it has, armed robbery has got less whimsical. In this day and age it's stand and deliver. Then it was stick them up and now it's just, I've got a fucking gun, getting a fucking ground. Fuck it. You know, it's much more aggy now. It's not even that anymore, really, is it? It's balaclavas punch through your window. Yeah, it's just sort of aggy. Yeah. Anyway, the Gregory gang, they start as deer poachers as well and they maintain this thriving trade in illicit venison, which I'd love to try some illicit venison but they can't openly sell dear meat because it exposes themselves because you need a license or something basically restricted to gentry so they need a fence they need a venison fence which again sounds like a slur for a gay person when they say fence is that somebody who fences money oh right but they're fencing venison so it's someone who can turn like your family used to turn gold money legitimate right yeah yeah right the old robbers yeah these guys are telling these guys are sort of turning butchered venison into legitimate venison.
44:07Laundering it. They're laundering deer. Right. If that makes any sense at all. So Dick Turpin becomes useful as a venison fence. So through his butcher's shop, he provides cover for the Essex gang to export illegal venison into the local food market. However, by 1734, the gang have shifted from venison poaching to violent breaking and entering. So I've always said, people who start poaching deer will end up killing people. It's a slippery slope. It's a slippery slope. you know you've got to crack down on these deer poaches early i know it's not cool to say but this you know you start with deer poaching and it ends where's the end tough on deer poaching tough on the causes of deer poaching that's my policy you need a license there's rules to the society anyway they get into breaking entering and robbery and so they know don't they no longer need turpin they don't need a butcher right and they're so turpin is like well i've been quite i've enjoying the fruits of this butcher fencing he joins them as a robber yeah this is his this This is an entry into the criminal world proper.
45:07Between late 1734 and early 1735, the gang start to carry out increasingly brazen raids. These gentleman robbers, what do they do? Now, this is the funny bit, right? They're actually insanely brutal. So it's very different from the flag of the veil, all that stuff. So in December 1734, the gang assaults a 73-year-old farmer and steals 300 pounds, which is the equivalent of tens of thousands. On the 1st of February 1735, Turpin and his mates threatened to throw an elderly widow onto a fire. They ransack her house and then stay there and feast on ale, wine and meat. Right. So they're beating up old women.
45:48Yeah. You know, chuck them out windows. What's that? There was a crime. They're in the news every now and then that somebody just fucking robs a pensioner and beats them up. Yeah. Awful stuff. Just beating up old people. It's real bottom of the barrel stuff. What's worse, battering a kid or an old person? Old person. Do you reckon? Yeah, have you ever seen an old person bruise? They're basically terminal. It depends how old the kid is. The kid is four, but it's a four-year-old boy or an 85-year-old lady. 85-year-old lady. Do you think? Worse. 100%. I've got a four-year-old. Right. Worse than backhanding a four-year-old.
46:18Yeah, backhanding a four-year-old's fine. But an 85-year-old, they've been through enough. They can emotionally deal with it. No, no, they can't. No, they're fucked. They'd be terrified. Yeah, but remember, a four-year-old, you backhand him, he could become a paedophile. because you could slap the pedophile bit of his brain. Do you know what I mean? You can like, no, if you like hit him wrong, but like that, all that builds a trauma that, but 85, it's like you're already dead. You've got time. You died 10 years ago. You've got time to turn the button off with a four-year-old. You hit an 85-year-old's button.
46:45The next day they're going out nonsense. Yeah, they died 15 years ago. What do you mean? It's not alive. What, an 85-year-old? Yeah, they're already dead. So you think past 80, they're just punch bags. Already dead. Have we got any 85-year-old listeners? Do you know how old our oldest listener is? If you're above, I reckon there's a lot of dads listening to this. So how old's your dad? 60. I reckon we've got some 60s listeners. Definitely, yeah. No, 70s. Oh, no. Someone wrote in saying that their care home, the guy's got dementia or something, but he knows history or history makes sense to him, and he's been watching all the episodes in the care home.
47:22From the care home. And then they've had to give him headphones because it's distressing some of the other patients. but he might have early onset style I don't know you know my granny's in a care home where the guy who founded the care home got dementia and is now in the care home that he founded but doesn't know he's in there fucking hell that's the plot of a film it's like a Christopher Nolan film the guy who built the care and the reveal at the end is like I wonder who made this care home you did sir what? and then it pans out and he's in it yeah that's crazy quite sad so he doesn't make is he named after him?
47:53no so that could happen with this podcast what? I'm here I don't know. Well, you're listening to a podcast. I'm listening to Vindor's History going, this is crazy. This guy's saying it's crazy. Who made this? What?
48:07So, Turpin's and the Essex gang's brutalities draw public horror because this is also the age of the pamphlet, the witty pamphlet. The beginning of the tabloid era. It's the long road to page three. Newspapers are reporting masked men with pistols roaming villages and attacking isolated homes. So the gang's methods, Bear in mind, these are sort of cutesy, you know, dandy-ish burglars. What's the rule book? What's the methods? What are the techniques? Yeah. You beat them up. You torture them with fire and boiling water. You threaten to kill them, and then you rape them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. What bawdy villains these people are.
48:42So the most notorious one is the Joseph Lawrence attack on the 4th of February, 1735, where they plan a major robbery after obtaining intelligence from a coaching inn in Westminster. So Joseph Lawrence is an old farmer who they think has money. and they beat him, drag him through the earth, humiliate him and torture him. They then pour a kettle of boiling water over him. Yeah. And then Turpin forces him to sit near the fire while kicking and beating him. And then one of his servant girls is sexually assaulted. Right. And then all this was for 30 pounds and some plates. Right. A flag on a veil, my league.
49:15A flag on a veil? A rape for a flag on a veil? So, yeah, it's not really, it's not cricket, this stuff. No, it's not cricket. Absolutely not. but maybe they're going but people are playing cricket at this time they are playing cricket but I guess maybe one of them's got a recorder and that's why it's considered fun or like cute you know the soundscape would be quite terrifying so the Essex now information for capture of the Essex gang the reward for information rises from£10 to£50 which is a lot try to Google how much £50 was in 1735 about£15 ,000 yeah fair play so the Essex gang collapses in February 1735 when the gang's horses are recognised outside Nailhouse now I mean how are you recognising I guess horses are like cars in this day and age number plates yeah I know they don't have people are staring at their horse's arse going I swear I've seen that have you got a description of that horse's arse did you get the horse's arse is that what the police are saying that's my wife thank you very much quick get that horse's arse write it down and they're just drawing they're sketching a horse's arse quick get the plates it's a woman that's my wife oh fuck sorry sorry back end your wife looks similar fuck sorry it looked yeah sorry um can see where the confusion came from um that's my wife's face oh apologies sorry um so uh they recognize the horses and then this sort of mob forms and i guess maybe a hue and cry goes up uh and so include oh including joseph lawrence's So the sons of the old man who had a kettle boiling water pool over him.
50:52Well, I guess the modern hue and cry is when people do lives catching paedophiles and the people in the local area start to... Yes. That happened to a friend of mine who was a paedophile. A friend of yours who was a paedophile? It wasn't a friend, actually. I shouldn't have led with friends. You've gone hard, haven't you? Yeah, I should have said... My best ever friend. My best man at my wedding. No, someone who was... I've known him for years. He used to go to my university, but he was older than everyone else. and you know I did a couple of gigs with him wasn't a friend but you know he was a nice guy it's okay if he was a friend but then yeah some vigilante pedophiles live streamed him outside and out of the car park literally but then the police why are pedophiles not just doing fucking orders like delivery and then the police took ages to come you're gonna get caught in a supermarket car park so this was on a Sunday get a fucking a car though Sunday 4pm I was watching the live by the way sorry where were you I was watching on Facebook live oh so you knew it was happening no because people have been sending it to me because we all knew this guy right if someone you know has been caught as a paedophile yeah it's going around on the group chat i'm getting in the attic i'm harboring him i'm out of my house on a sunday as the car park they call the police the police take age to turn up so the live stream is about an hour and 20 minutes wow but that goes out to everyone in the local area everyone's at home so literally like a mob starts forming everyone's watching it everyone's watching it i know that asda so they just it was horrifying to watch he's cornered in the Zasda car park and then people occasionally just come out and like the paedophile hunters are having to protect him from the crowd who are like occasionally coming over slapping on the face you make me sick yeah what's he doing oh my god I'm pooing it's you oh my god I mean what do you do if you're caught as a paedophile there's only one thing double down and what I'll do it again they were asking for it she was too old she was if anything yeah i've got autism oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and everyone's like whoa whoa whoa fair enough sorry sorry let him go back up guys give him a medal give him a knighthood give that man a knight arise sir nonce of pedophile shire it's a nonce of pedo shire um yeah anyway nowadays nowadays they frog march up to buckingham palace and King Charles arise to nonce of Piedoshire.
53:12Anyway, so the Essex gang are in a boozer and someone recognizes that their horse is arse and a mob forms, including Lawrence's sons, and they attack them and so several gang members are captured. The youngest, only 15, John Wheeler, he breaks and confesses everything which then, I think, does that mean that maybe he gets less of a punishment? He avoids the gallows and then most people are then arrested and executed so by summer of 1735 the Essex gang had been annihilated Wheeler is the one who's captured he confesses he's freed dies in 1738 so he dies three years later at age 18 of natural causes right Christ dying of 18 natural causes I don't think you can do that that's something a bit fishy going on there you can't die of natural causes at 18 yeah John F.
54:00Kennedy died of natural causes yeah alright mate yeah what's going on there Epstein died of natural causes like it's something a bit 18 yeah what could you possibly 18 what too many wanks how are you dying naturally naturally heart attack oh like when footballers get a heart attack on the pitch Fabrice Moamba yeah maybe Fabrice Moamba did it is that natural he lived though yeah yeah he lived I remember listening to that on 5 Live incredible absolutely incredible if you had the choice to know your last word if you know you don't know how it happens but if you were able to you have to lock it in now you get told it now you know for a fact your last word you don't know when you die or how you die but you find out your last words oh fuck yeah You don't want it to be like, sorry.
54:39Or like, ah. Yeah. Well, depends how you die. Something ambiguous, like trolley. Trolley. Or lorry. Well, lorry's quite obvious, isn't it? Lorry. Yeah. What lorry? Bang. That's quite obvious, isn't it? Bin. Bin. Taking the bins out. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, so you want something that kind of keeps the mystery. Imagine if it's Finn. That'd be scary, wouldn't it? No, Finn, please stop killing me. yeah because if you're in the if you're in the south tower in 2001 it's oh look at that plane yeah that's your last word plane my plane's a bit close yeah you can't part there mate that's what i would have shouted if i was if i saw nine left if i was down you can't part there ground zero you can't part there mate i neither can you what are you doing bloody hell god women drivers.
55:33That's what I would have said. Anyway. This has got nothing to do with 9-11. We've done Hitler and 9-11. I know. It's unlike us. Dick Turpin. Anyway, so Samuel Gregory, the head of the gang, he loses the tip of his nose in a fight, gets his nose circumcised, is executed by hanging in edgeware in chains. They all get executed, basically. A lot of them get gibbeted. Do you mean gibbeted or gibbeted? You get chopped up, is it? What's, Charlie, difference between gibbet and giblet. Oh, yeah. Oh, right. Gibbet's the internal organs of a bird. Right. It's not that. A gibbet is a public execution structure.
56:15Gibbet. Fuck. Gibbet. Quite a nice name for a horrible thing. So they're left there for everyone to see. For the crows. For the crows, I guess. It's like, there's a cage where you're hung as a warning. And then birds just eat you? Is that what happens? So you're just walking through town. There's a dead guy just hanging there. That would bum me out. Fuck you. Yeah, it's meant to bum him out, though. Yeah. Do you remember when there was a bin strike? It is, yeah. It's meant to make sure, like, don't fuck him out. That's going to be you. Do you remember when there was a bin strike? They don't have a former police force.
56:41Yeah, it was awful. Yeah, it was terrible. Imagine that. It's just dead bodies everywhere. Yeah. Fuck that. Mary Brazier was transported to the 13 colonies. So America. It's a penal colony. Only Dick Turpin and Thomas Rowden escaped. He abandons the butcher's shop, abandons the pub, and he fucks off into the forests where his legend continues to grow. Right. Now, in our next episode, we will be joined by James Buckley. Yes. Of Inbetweeners fame. Very special guest. Of the Buckleys podcast. Yeah. He will be - An icon, yeah. He will be on to discuss the rest of Dick Turnips. Because he's from Essex.
57:20Yeah. So that's the link there. Yeah, I guess so. We were trying to think of something. And he's a Muslim now. And he's a Muslim now. These days. He's famous. These days. Famously he's now Muslim. He was a J from the Inbetweeners. yeah Mohammed from the in-betweeners will be joining us and that episode is already on the Patreon where for£3 a month you can join one of the last remaining Christian institutions in this country £3 a month makes you instant access to that episode with James Buckley as well as a treasure trove of Patreon bonus episodes he will be sticking around a rich archive of knowledge he'll be sticking around for our Patreon bonus as well what have we got we've got the Zulu special we've got the geisha special we've got stonehenge special we've got lots of mythology on there greek myths uh north mythology north mythology was crazy yeah um the life of prince andrew did hitler escape to brazil yeah uh lots of fun stuff on there just three pounds a month if you sign up on the lap on your laptop not your phone then you avoid apple's uh excess charges which we see we see apple stick one pound 50 on it that's crazy yeah a month yeah she's fucking sharks and we see none of that evil that's going to steve jobs is as opposed to here it's supposed to this from the rich to give to the rich yes we want more suits anyway those episodes are already on the patreon and if not thanks for stopping by this has been dick turnip uh and we will see you on thursday mohammed turban mohammed turban the story with mohammed from the in between us goodbye
59:22I see you. Avatar Fire and Ash is now streaming on Disney+. It's the film critics are calling the best Avatar yet. A true epic and completely jaw-dropping. This is the only purest thing in this world. Return to Pandora on Disney+. It will be an adventure for the whole family. And watch the Oscar-winning phenomenon at home. This is sick! Avatar Fire and Ash, now streaming on Disney+. Rated PG-13. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.
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CHAPTERS:
00:00 Gautism and Blautism
04:05 Dick Turnip
09:12 Golden Age of the Highwayman
17:25 Pooey Cuffs
24:09 To Bribe a Horse Botherer
27:36 The Bad Samaritan
30:47 The Human Cry
33:34 Rizwan Turban
38:29 The Essex Gang
44:05 Joseph Lawrence Attack & Capture
49:39 You Can’t Park There Mate
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