Asian Son Brings Dishonor To Family

0:28You have a good CPA in your corner? 20s during your mid 30s yeah it's still a long road to get to pay yeah 14 000 for large purchases so what do you do here in austin for a living uh stand-up comedy i travel outside of austin to make money and then i come back and spend it here i'm like a reverse you don't make any money in austin i make a little bit but not really most of my money is from the small towns and cities that i'm pilfering small towns and cities you don't get the big you don't get the big boys i think i the big boys sometimes yeah but yeah i was in springfield missouri you're mostly known for for uh at least exposed from kill tony uh-huh do you make anything from being on kill tony uh i plead the fifth this dude told me he wanted to talk income before coming on here and the first question about income you don't you don't want to tell me well that's not really to do with me i'm willing to reveal anything about me wait not about you know the thing that made me so you're not allowed to tell me how much money you make from there yeah okay is it survivable

1:37okay all right well how much money do you make on the road uh one weekend probably like an average weekend is like 10 000 kill me dude that's incredible 10 000 that's your average weekend and that's most weekends yeah 52 weeks of the year no that's usually uh that's usually like uh maybe three weekends i mean i've been taking a break now but i used to work it really depends okay but like last year i was working pretty much every weekend running myself ragged um making enough you know sometimes it's five sometimes it's 20 so i think average 10. hmm you're taking a break now yeah i'm taking a couple i'm going to tampa on friday but i've been taking a couple weekends off i've been going out with tony yeah uh on his tour on his theater tour and that was fun and uh yeah but uh yeah i don't like to travel too much on the weekends it takes a lot out of me that's when the shows are right yeah assuming when people are going to go out to shows on the weekend yeah when taking a break how long are we taking off like two weekends max oh okay so that's not really a break that's you're taking a vacation not a break yeah okay because you make you make me immediately worry when we start to do well in your financial situation you're starting to make some money and then i hear you say i'm gonna take a break it's like no well you're in a what can be a limiting career sometimes like youtube this is like a three to five year type thing i i don't know for comedy as well but you know some people have their peak and then they're off yeah it's like i would want you to just make that money man yeah as much as you can get so i mean after the two weekends you're gonna start you're gonna start hitting it again really yeah okay cool so how many weeks do we think a year that we can average out that 10k a weekend um i would guess i make like 300k so 30 weekends maybe over half dude that's insane how many people have been making 300k a year maybe a year and a half okay how many have you been on the the podcast three years so it took a year and a half of grinding and then you started to bring in some money what what went from the not making any money to all of a sudden making money where was that transition what my agent oh my agent really helped me out he did the dirty work of calling the clubs and getting me in there yeah if it wasn't for him i would have to do it all myself it would be a pain in that get the deals right whatever i give him 10 and it's like well i assume you have a ton of connections being a regular yeah right yeah what took you so long to get an agent year and a half you gave up a year and a half of brain potential yeah i guess so yeah i just was lounging on my ass um but uh yeah i mean i guess just having the agent the agent came to me the thing about it was that it was so easy i didn't have to do anything yeah he just called me he's like you want me to do it i said yes he did everything else because it's easy for someone in your position to make decent money and they want to make not off of you so it makes sense uh what's your overall goal what are you what are you trying to do so in general your financial picture we're gonna have a lot of cash to look at and that's kind of where we are decent amount of spending but a lot of cash you bring in cash but you're not doing anything with it so in your overall financial journey your financial life what are you trying to get to now that you're actually starting to make those monies i just want a house a nice house i just want to be like yeah or anywhere uh like tim dylan rich or like andrew schultz or like you know all these amazing comedians how rich are they i don't know they must be super rich just knowing how much i've been doing just little baby sips in the fountain so yeah they must be balling but yeah just to have like normal life you know just like a house and you know like i don't know i don't want that much might be like um you know like a nice house and that's pretty much it that's it what about like set up for like cash flow in terms of if the comedy career falls off you know being able to sustain yourself till the end sure i mean i think that's on a different level but like actually being able to sustain yourself if the career peaks at some point and we start to taper so that's like one thing that's really important to me in this career it's like i'm just like saving like every penny right do you think i'm saving you're we'll go through okay i think what you're doing with your money is stupid yeah you're setting an okay amount aside but the most you're getting on your money is like two percent which makes no sense because you can get in treasuries right now for 5.5 and that's like basic level yeah where i would want to see you like averaging 10 a year over the course of a decade in the market that's crazy this is this podcast is paying for itself for me right now well i'm confused uh wait but you have connections in the industry so a lot of people have gone through this has no one sat down with you and been like here's how to navigate this the financial part of this career no it's like not even tony because he makes a ton of money he didn't he hasn't sat down you're his boy he hasn't sat down and been like yo take care of your no he's just concerned about joke writing and you know well that's fair other stuff like that okay that's interesting well i wonder i wonder if they're all too now no they're probably doing great i'm just an idiot i just it's just never happening i don't trust anyone what's your parents who doesn't have a podcast have they not helped with this who doesn't have a podcast um they i don't really talk to them that much yeah i should talk to them my dad is like investment stuff he does like houses in korea he i have to like sign papers every now and then they call me up from korea and they talk in korean and i have to be like okay and he like bought an apartment for me in korea or something i don't know what's happening what are you why haven't you asked him any questions to just like try to be somewhat successfully financially I should call him.

7:38I actually just think it's awkward to call your parents. I think it's kind of gay to call your parents. Oh, okay.

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8:56Rocket Money, helping you achieve financial freedom let's let's deep dive into this deep dive or well actually you're taking a uh sabbatical from kill tony kill tony which is your like main you know plug into the artery of american comedy yeah like a million people tune in a week right something like that at least yeah so which is incredible and you're just depriving yourself from that i assume that's like the easiest way to get your ticket sales hans kim from kill tony come to my show and you're taking a few months off why uh just because uh i played the fifth again on that one well you got i'll tell you that also maybe that's why i was there oh nice the arena hans versus rick embarrassing by kllws squirrel the crowd decided hands the comedians and anyone paying attention saw that rick won based on the minutes alone hod's emotionally and uh emotionality and sore winning was disgraceful not funny just acting like a total even when rick was a good sport I was already tired of hands, but now it just looks like JKE, a huge piece of shit for the way he acted after that.

10:24What a loser after even winning. Drama. Oh, wow. Now, what do you think? Confronting my haters. Yeah, do you ever go on every creator's favorite platform Reddit where everything's very positive and constructive? Not anymore. Did you witness the drama? I assume you witnessed the drama. Yeah, of course. What did you think? How'd that feel? I thought it was unhinged and it just made me grow stronger in my conviction that I am God's gift to earth. Yeah. Do you think you honestly beat Rick? Like legitimately? Joke on joke? Yeah. I don't know. I didn't even listen to his set. I listened to it later.

11:04I know my jokes. I don't know how they did on that night. but i think i like those jokes and they've done better in smaller clubs not arenas um i think on that night i might not have had the better set but i don't think his set was very good so i'm not that worried the audience was obviously tilted towards you though because you're the boy because i've been showing my face for two and a half years so yeah mere exposure effect so did it like seem fair from an objective perspective as someone who very much likes you and loves the show i thought rick won yeah it's subjective and i think that like you know a lot of people think he won i think that he might have but that's not because he's such a great comedian but because i had a minute the feud's not actually real though it's very real no come on he was so nice to you what he was he was like oh good job man good job that's so what that's all it takes to forget about all the betrayal so it's okay yeah like i invite him into my house and then he tries to take away my job i was nice really yeah what do you think he was doing the whole time honestly from an outside perspective it felt more like a bit it felt like it was like kind of it's a bit where he's pretending to be a little friend he couldn't actually take your job though no one would fly him in every week that would that would like bankrupt the show well he's just acting like he's uh wants to challenge me and so like yeah if someone challenges you it's not a very nice thing to do yeah so yeah i mean he's doing it for himself i don't respect that like he's just doing it so that he raises his profile at the expense of me and my emotional stress and my career my parasocial relationship i legitimately thought it was fake the whole time but everything on the internet like feels fake that's so interesting knowing that it was real i think like prank culture ruined that you know where you see anything online you're like oh it's fake yeah but yeah i think like uh his set wasn't that good i'm not afraid of it i'm afraid of certain people rick diaz is not one of them yeah like casey rock is very funny liz splatt very funny cam patterson i'm afraid of these people rick diaz i want cam on this show they don't even stand a chance next to those people like and his minute wasn't that good i know my minute sucked because i was like preparing in this weird way but like what was your what was your process why was it weird i guess i just picked a joke that i liked two months two months ago and then i just worked it in clubs over and over again and didn't realize that an arena would be a different situation where they're also listening because the joke that i did about squirting requires like a suspension of disbelief and it's uh um it's kind of it's not really logical but i mean that joke does well in clubs yeah i can yeah i i like that joke lots of people like that joke i just don't think it was a good joke to do in an arena because it's just didn't make sense you think the sabbatical is going to hurt your financial situation i don't think maybe yes in the short run but in the long run no where do you think your career is going to go in terms of income like what's your overall arc and plan uh just to keep making money on the road getting exposure from doing different shows someone who doesn't like to travel on the weekend though how long do you think you'd do it until you're burnt out well i don't hate it i like doing it to a lesser degree than i have been doing it yeah so it's just like a lot i don't want to do it too much but yeah it is it is fun like as a comedian to travel yeah for sure yeah okay so you never carry bounces that accrue interest because you pay it off which is good so you did talk to your dad a little and he taught you some good things so that's that's good you paid off your previous balance of 2 ,886 but you purchased 4 ,991 dollars which again we're making 300 ,000 dollars a year so is that really that bad it's all about percentages right so we're looking 20 first of all taxes how was that for 2023 it was brutal i paid like 20 ,000 i think in taxes how was it only 20 000 oh maybe more unless unless you just wrote off because a lot of stuff is travel and you're probably eating on the road stuff like that but even still man it's like i don't know if it adds up so what 25 000 hours a month i'd see you closer to like maybe a hundred thousand yeah in taxes well you want to set 30 aside oh you said 300 000 so maybe you got it down to about 75 or so potentially depending working with your cpa you have a good cpa in your corner no cpa oh my gosh what do you do nothing i did it myself last year doesn't make any sense did you claim everything i claimed like three months and then i got tired and i just sent it in

15:56you're not gonna be able to tour on the road you're going to jail is it that serious irs is not the people we f*** with oh god but i'll get you connected with someone like legitimately after this amazing i'll help i got you some guy wanted like uh five thousand dollars is that a fair price well potentially because he probably could save you tens of thousands okay uh instead of you just going through like turbo tax or something yeah what you did that's what was my plan for this year what do you mean for this year i mean for claiming your 2023 taxes yeah you haven't even claimed your 2023 no we got till april right What's the filing deadline?

16:34So I always just do my shit. So as soon as the year ends, you do your taxes? Well, first of all, you're self-employed. You've been self-employed for three years. So you have to pay penalties if you do not file them quarterly. Oh, shit. I assume none of the taxes you've done have ever been correct. So I'm not sure. Yeah, I need the CPA. April 15th. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Monday, April 15th. so someone in your situation if you're sitting down with the cpa it's going to take you weeks to gather all have you saved literally a single receipt from this last year um like i didn't know i just thought the credit card thing would be fine

17:22okay so people in very wealthy positions which you're headed towards can face some serious consequences they are the ones who face the serious consequences if the irs comes and knock and a few years later and you're your taxes for a few years and it looks like you're uh essentially hiding taxes um and just not paying them in general and people have gone to jail for it not saying that's something that's going to happen that's usually a wealthier position than you anyway but for the direction you're heading i i want that to be on your radar it's like a legitimate fear okay and something to get ahead of you're only a year and a half into making money man but this is something i need you to take care of now so let me give you a contact of a cpa who i work with personally that'd be awesome yeah it might just be a little too late that's what i fear is that like it's going to require so much work that he might not take on someone in your position we can try but so we're going uber the roxy the roxy amazon uber uber uber uber uber uber uber eats uh amazon doordash doordash amazon doordash do you think is most of this when you're on the go is this when you're home uh amazon and doordash is when i'm home uber is usually when i'm on the road but i had my car in the shop for a while so i was ubering everywhere who are you subscribed to on patreon uh the chapo trap house and uh nick mullen and adam friedman show stopping at 7-eleven gets a bull taquitos doordash doordash amazon doordash amazon doordash doordash tacos amazon amazon doordash mayako amazon doordash dude you're lazy with your food delivery amazon amazon doordash doordash amazon parcel doordash doordash papa john's i get poke house too it's pretty good it's the best poke in austin doordash sidebar uber doordash uber uber uber uber it's crazy halal uber trip doordash uber trip uber trip amazon amazon doordash amazon paramount plus what the there's nothing on there are you watching the new halo because that sucks the daily show I pay for paramount plus daily show but it's pretty much all uploaded to youtube I just paid for it again yeah I like watching the whole show though casino amazon asus computer oh yeah I bought a thousand dollar monitor and then it broke and I had to pay $700 to fix it that's probably not financially good did you buy it on a credit card yeah yeah it was on like this yeah did you uh how long in between purchasing and it breaking like five months yeah okay fair enough i was like man might be able to dispute something but five months amazon uber it wasn't even like a who'd you buy through uh i think i bought it from amazon or asus directly i don't know about asus but amazon did you talk to support man yeah okay usually they're pretty lenient but it depends on the product doordash uber trip amazon doordash amazon amazon amazon amazon amazon shakespeare's pub amazon it's a crazy amount of spending but does it really matter potentially not because if you're making a lot of money if you don't have any bad debt in credit relations you don't have any bad debt it's okay to spend money if it's in within certain percentages but you don't own a single stock do you no zero that terrifies me because you're losing compound growth in the market man yeah so you're already like 20 is like the perfect time to start investing with even if it's just pennies you being what 34 you've lost a decade and the best decade and a half of your life at compound growth meaning you're gonna have to work overtime essentially in terms of throwing money in the market to get to the point where you want it to be for you to withdraw three or four percent a year in order to sustain yourself yeah in a long form like social security yeah which probably won't exist by the time we retire but so do you think like because i'm asian i'll live longer so it's like 34 so the new 24 for me it could so you can start throwing extra maybe you have a little less ketchup to play yeah ketchup yeah ketchup in the market oh time okay then we purchased$5 ,925 on this credit card.

21:48That's my business card. How nervous do people get when you're looking over there? Are you nervous? Yeah. Oh, I'm nervous. You're nervous for me? No, I'm nervous because I watch Kill Tony. So, we're both nervous. It's okay. You don't have to kiss me. I don't get to? Uber, Uber, Hotspot, Uber, Facebook, DoorDash, crows uber trip man this is food food food smash burger united but again i bet a lot of this stuff except for the i mean the transportation around the different areas do you have an llc form just for the sake of okay good because that at least makes organization easy are these okay that's my business card yep so everything business related i use that so at the end of the year i can just be like hey this is all this stuff okay but sometimes i forget and this is eating out an uber trip and eating out and uber trip and hotels and it makes sense though because i mean so many position you can't do it now what is this mercedes-benz that's the repairs on my truck that costs a lot of money 1400 bucks yeah they called it in again for two thousand dollars more what is it what's your car uh sprinter van i drove it here today like a year and 2014 and freightliner how many miles 250 000 kill me but you'll be able to buy a car in cash pretty soon yeah that's probably what you're gonna have to do okay i wouldn't lifestyle inflate yourself yet i mean you're not a millionaire status not yet i saw a lot of speculation online that you're a multi-millionaire which was interesting um so i i wouldn't want you to go like too crazy and buy something fancy but we could get you a halfway decent car in cash which you'll have to do pretty soon like a mazda or you think i could get a lexus well really if i could just keep you in like the 30 to 40 000 hour range i'd feel comfortable uh more price range versus the car itself uh that we just you just write a check man because right now you're going debt free and i'd like to keep you debt free unless you can manage it and well actually you can because you pay off your credit cards every month yeah and that's actually automatic yeah and that's great that's great so what do you think about like the people that are like hey get a loan so you can pay it off like at the dealership they're trying to get me to get a loan you think that's a scam or what kind of like interest rate were they offering you i don't know it was like 300 bucks more i don't know i have no idea well okay well you can finesse it right and you demonstrate that you're a credit card person you know how to utilize credit there is the potential that you could finesse it if you got it if you were able to get an interest rate that was like three percent or less which is what i like to go for for cars in terms of finessing so if you get an interest rate at three percent or less the money that you put down instead of paying the whole thing in cash you can throw the rest in the market and it will beat that three percent plus depreciation of the car most likely oh which is good finessing but you don't know anything about money so i probably wouldn't want you to do that anyway just buy the car in cash yeah like dealer but with my new cpa in my corner yeah he's for taxes oh okay not investing so i gotta get a different guy for that you gotta get a different guy for that okay so wells farmo prime checking this this this is what's wild to me this money's losing to inflation 127 895 dollars is sitting there and platinum savings which what are you getting like two percent or something 118 000 and then certificate of deposit yeah so you got a cd 62 000 why'd you choose that uh i don't know it seems like the safer option and it's at the bank and they told me to get it they told you to get it yeah they're strong-armed to me who told you to get it like the teller yeah one of the tellers maybe two thousand dollars in like six months yeah it would be making buddy if you two thousand dollars how much now past performance is not indicative of future results but when'd you put it in uh six months ago i have no idea you want me to check no six months is great i can do six months s &p 500 in six months is of 64 points i'm so nervous it is my instinctual thing we can leave this into i it is my instinctual thing in a situation where like i know you're good with just like knocking back and forth to make some what i find to be funny and i think you would be too racist joke but i can't because i'll get canceled by these by who everyone one is that happening there's sensitive people out there oh my gosh well it's good content is the death of haters yeah no that's so if you have a great asian joke just chink it up i don't have a great one prepared okay but in the moment oh your control panel on your iphone has a lot of stuff on it is that like does it you got something on every little space it's really efficient what am i doing what am i doing i got distracted so your cd you put in six months ago 60 how much did you put in you made 4 000 so you made 2 300 okay i put it in february 22 so it's been almost a year oh it has been a year oh a year all right let's do one year which is up 27 point 28 okay that's 1.28 it would be worth 76 800 if it was in the s &p 500 instead at that exact time nice so 16 000 almost 17 000 yeah free money so this is just showing that you're in such a conservative investment like that sure over the short term yes the s &p 500 could have lost money and i'm not advising to buy any specific stock but historically s &p 500 take all the down years up years combine them it evens out to 10 a year and comparing that to where you're getting 2 a year on this that's bigger 10 or 2 you like to go with the bigger one yeah what about the apocalypse like if the stocks all fall apart yeah you know what happens in that situation money won't matter none of this matters you won't be doing stand-up people are killing each other so it doesn't matter invest while there's no apocalypse happening go buy a gun invest in a gun when the apocalypse happens oh i bought a gun also so like if you're playing the money game you might as well play like it's not gonna fall apart in five days I don't know I bet in the American economy yeah what do you think I think it's good what do you think about the Chinese economy well their population pyramid is terrible they're having terrible growth rate and no one is immigrating into China because no one wants to live under that kind of rule so their whole social safety net's gonna be and their economy is already starting to grow slower so they're gonna have good years ahead of them but long term no where we get a decent amount of immigration to help with our low growth rate of population of people banging yeah so so what do you think about i think america's still on top baby usa okay is there like that's that's cool are there any other economies that you would like invest in like france look at france like france i don't know what's going on in france uh i'm just india yeah india you think india's better i like to throw kids in a room and make close i feel like that's good for the economy okay and then okay so here's your cd 62 ,333 yeah and it's at 2.48 percent like what are we doing like that's not even you could throw in a treasury for 5.5 you can throw in like i put my money the my tax money i put it in sofi high yield savings which is 4.5 right now that's just a high yield savings account and it's making almost double what you're locked in at like your bank teller making ten dollars an hour that doesn't know anything about money gave you really bad advice you essentially asked the cashier at mcdonald's what you should do with your money well how do i get it out let me see if there's any information on this term six months maturity date uh 7 22 24 in order to reap the rewards but it might be worth just you know if you get one percent total by taking it out i'm not 100 sure but if you get like one percent by taking it out just throw this in the market man of course there's always the chance that you take this out you throw it in the market the market crashes 30 but you don't look at a year we're not looking at a year all right when do you want to retire uh 59 so a year doesn't matter a year doesn't matter you're going for the 59 and a half so you can withdraw penalty free wonderful so i want you to start taking advantage of compound growth in the overall marketplace not going to tell you what to invest in i will say what my portfolio is balanced as for legal reasons this is a legal thing there's certifications required in order to give investing advice oh yeah i know it's very exciting i'm like 80 s &p 500 which follows the overall stock market then i'm about 15 in the q's uh in the nasdaq um which is more tech heavy so there's a little more risk there's a little bit more movement there better gains bigger losses and about five percent in individual stocks and those are just companies that i believe in that have uh good numbers behind them that's what i do but i mostly just invest in the overall united states economy the top companies nice and that's what averages about 10 a year from all down years and up years combined so okay i'm gonna do that i'm gonna do that what you just said for somebody in your situation that's not fully educated on like the the different investment vehicles that you could go into i would rather you sit down with a certified investment advisor though certified financial planner who can like take a look at your money calculate your goals and as long as they're not someone who's like trying to get commission selling different packages and they're literally they make money if you make money that's what i would want someone in your situation to do okay so i would probably not do that then probably not like just do it on my own is it like robin hood or do you go through like a certain ameritrade or so i do fidelity for like my index funds and stuff and then instead of robin hood because they just have uh better rates and you keep your cash in there i use an app called moomoo for my individual stock picks uh but i use fidelity for like my rock you've never like maxed a roth ira or anything have you or like backdoor ira so you're yeah because i want you to take advantage of tax advantage accounts as well if you're your own business owner i'd want you to have like a self-employed 401k or sep ira i'd want you to take advantage of those which can save you some tax monies over the year that's why since you haven't taken any in terms of actually paying taxes the number you said makes sense for if it was for 2022's year i thought you meant for 2023's but you meant what you paid in 2023 for 2022 but what you're paying in 2024 for 2023 it's going to be closer to that 75 to 100 000 if your numbers are correct and if you're not doing anything to uh actually take advantage of any tax advantage accounts and that's what like a solo 401k can do it can save you a good amount of money and then you know contributing up to the limit of where is it 6 ,500 or 7 ,000 now of an IRA and then you can backdoor you know as well which gets you into a uh it's a different conversation we'll go there essentially i just want you to be able to take advantage of tax advantage accounts and that's for sitting down with like a certified financial planner is going to help you okay so i also have a couple i can recommend for that i personally do my own stuff on my own and then i like meet with them every like couple years just to be like okay we're you know i'm not doing something right here but that's because i'm like i'm very invested in this i like to learn as much as possible where you're just like let's tell a joke in front of a bunch of dumb people so like or drunk people so like you don't you don't think about stocks and and you don't need to yeah so have someone else that does it for you and tries to keep you up to date and informed and educated on what you're doing that'd be awesome yeah people have requested that i do a live q a for a while now and i'm excited to announce that i finally am on wednesday march 20th at 8 p.m eastern 5 p.m west coast we have an exclusive live q a for anyone taking or has already taken our budgeting program it has changed thousands of people's lives and we're constantly receiving testimonials from those saving money and fixing their financial future showing that we made the best budgeting program in the history of the internet at the best price sign up using the link in the description below and join me for the q a where i answer your questions live business checking in 44 000 are these additional savings like extra versus the ones we just looked at through wells fargo so this is all the same yeah okay cool perfect yeah so someone that makes 300 000 a year not thrilled cash on hand essentially including the cd the wells fargo platinum savings is one fucking percent a year kill me it's 4.5 so far a city's like four you're just losing money to inflation inflation is close to like four percent now so like you're losing on that savings three percent your money's going down three percent in value plus you have to pay taxes on that gain anyway it's like three and a half percent you're losing damn like you're literally losing three and a half percent just sitting in there rotting away Yeah.

35:34But you have essentially cash on hand if we're considering the CD,$353 ,660. 30 cents. It's okay. But you invest that in the market. Let's say something happens now. You get kicked off the show forever and no one ever wants to tour with you again for whatever reason. So let's say you throw that all in the market. You have no cash on hand. It's all in the market. And you want to live on that until you retire. you'd only be able to live on ten thousand six hundred nine dollars a year till i'm 77 or until you die okay 77 is that your death year yeah that's the american average oh okay so the asian average so you said you're living longer yeah oh 884 bucks a month sick like that's great right yeah is that is that what you're gonna live off the rest of the year so that's why i want this money to start growing that's my big fear the money doesn't grow you just keep throwing it in there it loses to inflation it doesn't grow other than one percent a year this is it makes it more difficult you need to take advantage of compounding growth so let's get a compounding uh calculator yeah i already took advantage i already uh took a look at this account so we're good okay so this is math so i assume this is what you like care about right yeah math math time okay so of this let's say you keep fifty thousand dollars cash on hand let's throw three hundred thousand dollars in the market let's start with that you're 35 you really think you're going to be doing stand-up until 59 and a half yeah okay longer okay cool cool cool what's like is there like an average lifespan not lifespan like uh like uh success span of a comedian is there like a you know like a bell curve on a comedian's I don't think so.

37:21I think comedy ages fine wine. Okay. That's what I'm kind of relying on. But your fan base can die out and move on, though, right? Yeah, I guess so. I guess if you get super old. I don't know. I don't really know. Yeah, that would suck if you had old fans. And Seinfeld's still touring, and his people are all old, right? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the good thing about comedy. It's not like sports where your body decays. No, for sure. But people's interests do move on, especially in TikTok world. like you're on a very popular show right now and it's not like that it's not that same kind of industry but attention spans we do move on to the next thing quicker and quicker these days yeah i don't want to be doing that i'm just thinking investing and like oh you know how long are we going yeah so 300 000 a year let's call it that's what you're making you're setting 30 aside for taxes so 210 000 a year is take home okay let's say you invest 20 of it so you'll live a lavish life 50 going to needs 30 going to want so you can just you know do whatever the you want so we're going to invest 20 of it which is 42 000 a year this is this is your income never growing by the way which is basically impossible but on your trajectory we're going to do eight percent for an annual return just doing the overall stock market since the history of its creation okay so 25 years until you start pulling money out 24 years so you put your 300 000 in now keep 50 or 50 000 cash on hand and invest 42 000 a year at a return of 8 on average over the course of 24 years will end you up with uh 38 million dollars wow by the time you retire yeah let's do that yeah let's do that that's pretty sick you gotta in order to do that you gotta actually start putting money in the market so i think that's your next step of sitting down with a cfp um so i mean that's my take on your overall situation because your finances aren't bad you're just not doing the thing that needs to happen someone in a position and that's you're in the grow wealth stage of money which is an exciting part you just don't know anything about it yeah and that's okay food is three point or 6.3 percent of your spending or a thousand six hundred one is going out to eat transportation mostly because uh uber is 17.4 percent and travel which is four thousand four hundred twenty four thousand dollars a year housing with your rent situation is four point three percent or one thousand ninety two dollars a month sorry these are a month i think i said a year unknown shopping this is hard man it's hard to call it's like it's amazon it's whatever we don't know what it is unknown shopping thirteen thousand seven $1 ,717 in the most recent month or 54 % of your spending subscriptions.

40:06You must've had something, but it essentially comes down to 0%. Other large purchases, 18 % or$4 ,583. Other large purchases, it looks like we got some Amazon, United Airlines. So I guess that wasn't in transportation. Your computer thing and DGI services. But again, total income that came in the most recent month was$63 ,822. And all that was spent was$25 ,000. So, I mean, that's pretty good. If that's wants, but of the$63 ,000, right? You should be setting 3 % aside, leaving you with net$43 ,400. So you spent about 50%, which is fine, which means you get to invest the other 50%. or you could even live a little more if you wanted to okay so 50 000 is a good amount for me what 50 000 what uh to set us to for cash on hand or what is the 50 what you need to survive is very minimal so actually i would have 50 first of all again every month check hits take 30 of it set it aside that's taxes it doesn't exist but the cash on hand i'd probably put twenty thousand dollars in savings as an emergency fund as a business owner that would take you about a year because your actual living expenses are very minimal so twenty thousand dollars what i put aside for your business i'd probably have about fifty thousand bucks in your business checking account again that just gives you that extra comfort if things just touring slows down whatever pandemic happens and you just can't um do shows for a bit and then your personal checking account and probably keep about 10 000 bucks in there so across everything not including taxes what is that 100 000 yeah 90 90 to 100 you know so maybe we're investing 250 000 right now keeping 100 distributed in those different ways yeah i think that gives you a good base level of comfort then we're still taking advantage of compound growth i was thinking of moving apartments and getting a better place how much what's your rent right now 10 10 50 okay and what do you want like 2 000 yeah 3 000 sure 4 000 well you want me to tell you your max yeah your max would be stupid let's get let's do your average 300 000 hours a year you get to keep 70 of it for the course of 12 months let's call it 17 000 so you had a really good month yeah this one i've been out every weekend in january okay absolute max that i would never want you to go over is five thousand two hundred fifty dollars okay that's a lot i would never go over that anyways i was thinking like two thousand three thousand max i can't do it do it yeah okay thank you three thousand go for it totally fine that's like your i'd be uncomfortable when once you hit that number i'd be uncomfortable you approaching that number but that's your hard limit hard oh my god yeah that's so good to have how has no one talk to you i'm so confused how have you not sat down with your comedian friends and just seen what they were doing with money because they always make a joke about everything they're always like no one can have a serious conversation i guess they can but they don't want like to like this is what they got into comedy to avoid is so they didn't have to bust out a calculator this took us 45 minutes it wasn't that crazy but it's the lifetime of your life brain knowledge that you have that you can use it like i'm just like saying words and cash on hand and like is that doing something for you like i have no idea what any of this is like a spell and i'm asian i'm not even the worst my producer who i make him work constantly to deliver shareholder value wants you to roast me for his own pleasure so if you want to give me a row session this is it it was pleasing the investors yeah caleb you are fat um you are explaining poor people like dr phil

44:10um and they don't even get to throw chairs here you guys have like a chair throwing guy they should you guys should be watching out for that you guys have security here Let's turn it into Dr. Phil real quick. Caleb, you have a way of talking to people that's not very human, which is great. Because sometimes we need a calculator. Just spit us numbers and stuff. You have an unblinking stare. Okay. You're just taking in information and just compounding it and analyzing it all the time. It's great. I wish I was better at this. i just think you're a cool guy man i think that you guys have fun i saw you like in a car on one of your instagram stories oh the cyber you guys were in the cyber truck yeah you have seen have a fun life you seem to like be able to be like a hard-nosed like you know like mr nanny when it comes to finance but then when it comes to having fun you're like okay yeah this isn't a roast you're you're being nice well you don't want to be called mr nanny oh you can go yeah sure you're a little like a little like mean and strict when it comes to finance because you're like ah you know you love like getting to that point where you're like we gotta get down to business and gotta do this and but then like when it comes to fun you're like okay well i'm the i'm the weird boring guy so you guys have fun um but i don't know much about you man i think you're a great guy and i think like you are probably like a lot of fun and fun social situations and i i can't wait to get to know you and hopefully we can go out and you know we could fly my drone together if you want yeah another legendary roast by comedian hans kim

46:08i'm not really a rust guy i'm more like uh you know like this guy yeah you are this guy you just broke up didn't you yeah is dating dating can be expensive if we loop it back to money it's a money show money show how much you spend it on each individual girl to try to take them back home i know that's your thing not a lot maybe like 40 bucks 80 bucks max a night is that is that is that what it costs for you to get your your fill yeah 80 max that's not that bad yeah it's like five drinks no i'm getting drunk too i'm taking three drinks she's taking two well i guess for me because i'm drinking the drink i'm taking an advantage so i don't count that as a cost you like to be taken advantage of yeah oh okay yeah i want them to take me do with me i want to be a my body is for the people just for the women i did some investigation i mean the people that you're with are objectively attractive i mean what do you mean like the people that i kissed on the show the first there was like someone you're with it like barton springs or something they're like they were like hans is with his girl and oh that's morgan that's my girlfriend's friend oh that's not good i was gonna say you're like a solid three right and but she it was like uh eight okay well i've been mewing i've been uh breathing through my nose more so i'm trying to up that number but yeah i mean i'm not trying to be the physical guy i'm not like a hot guy i'm more like a guy that's you know just like i saw a video on uh uh the platform that loves you the most reddit where on sixth street after like a show or something there was like this girl and you kept trying to grab her hand and hold her hand and she just rejected you the whole time yeah that's pretty much my relationship with her is like she's out having fun and i'm just trying to grab her hand and trying to touch her yeah so you can take her back home right okay yeah drag her back but yeah no she's wild she's crazy i love that about her is that she's living her life oh okay i was gonna say she broke up with you so i was like i'm glad you still enjoy her that's nice i love the idea of her i love who she is she's great i mean we built all this skyscrapers and iphones for the approval of females and if the females aren't enjoying it then who is this all for and we just destroyed the rainforest so we could all be miserable so i like to see like people taking advantage of like their power in life women have a lot of power and it's going to see them using it you're taking advantage of your power dynamic is what people would say yeah i'm taking advantage of mine well that that's why i respect uh party people so much is because i see like oh they're taking advantage of it of whatever they have to like try to gain as much endorphins as possible it's like that's what everyone's doing late at night they're just trying to get more happiness than you big party guy you out there raging no i get tired really easily dude me too we're playing i was playing games with my friends before they flew back to england last night it was 10 30 and i was like dying i was dying but comedians you have to stay up late shows are late yeah you probably sleep in late yeah my thing is later so like yeah it's just shifted but i get tired i gotta go home i can't always stay up and you know it's hard to make conversation with people it takes a lot of energy where that's what our brains are designed for us like taking cues and taste signals and say something and then they say something back so it's So we're both miserable right now.

49:40Yeah. Good. Well, I think we're going to audit your dating profile from our dating professional here in this show. So I'm going to let. I have to download Tinder. Yeah. Get on that Tinder. Tinder. We're still on Tinder. You haven't evolved me on Tinder. No, I hate dating apps. Like you said, I'm a three. I'm not out here trying to put my face in. Like, that's not my strong suit. I got to go where I belong. It's not. You got the body. You're a butter face. Thank you, man. um yeah i wish i was meaner to you sure something i know i can say i know you you pulled out the fat card fat's classic but like i mean dig in on it a little bit pull out some moles jokes or something i don't know you're you're telling me to invest in the standard and poor you're investing in your caloric intake just saving it up compounding interest no zempic joke no insulin all right that's what david lucas would be great at i'm severely disappointed i'm more of like a kind of a wry sort of like a weird like nerdy guy taking advantage of poor people is that what that's what that's what i wrote down yeah all right really is reddit okay so i'm gonna let noah come in he's gonna you want to give us a screen recording so you can save that yeah I don't do well on dating apps.

51:01It's just like, you know, it's so crazy. Like I do way better in person, but I guess I could do, I just don't like the rejection. Y 'all, this is the time to switch to my favorite high yield savings account with SoFi. You can get 4.6 % on your money. I hate when my money is just losing value. So make sure you're keeping up with inflation at the very least. You can also get FDIC insurance on that money up to$2 million with them. Plus they'll give you money up to$300 when you set up an account with them. There's even extra perks like being able to get paid a couple days early. SoFi is what I use when I'm setting money aside and it is the banking app of the future.

51:39Sign up, link in the description below. I always want my money to be making more money, so don't lose money on yours. So do you have any interest in improving your online dating profile at all whatsoever? Yeah, it'd be great to get easily. Got it. I mean, it's not easy. I think that like if you have like, okay, you're rich and famous. It should be easy for you to go and you're a comedian like you should Caleb doesn't think so why not he thinks I'm poor well you could be richer and I agree with Caleb like it's really funny to see that you have all this money in a checking account it's like bro go put it in anywhere like I don't know um cool so I don't know so basically uh uh you've got this picture of you zoomed in as much as possible um what was the thought process behind this one you're just like I want to show them who I am I just don't I don't want like a photo with me holding a mic, which is most of my photos.

52:29Why not? Because it just makes me look like a comedian. Yeah. And you are a comedian. I know. I don't want them to f*** a comedian. I want to get it like totally on the off grid. Got it. Now, does this photo support that? What was the thought process behind this one? It looks more horizontal when you're picking the photo. Yeah. So it shows me like, hey, I'm social. I can talk to people. Well, what I'm seeing here is this man's back is what I'm seeing. A lot of it is his back. And that shows that I'm not insecure. Like I'm okay with another man's back in my dating profile. Yeah. Well, okay. Interesting.

53:07Now this one, this shows to me that you've never been inside of a gym in your entire life. I do like a little doughy, but it's like old man strength. Okay. I'm going for, yeah, just showing off my body. i guess i mean it's my ribs are more defined than my muscles so that is true that works do you have a tattoo is that a tattoo yeah kill tony tattoo oh sick upper right chest did he do that did he make you do that yeah he brands all of us caleb said like you're his little boy he kept calling you like his like tony's little man or something i don't know man yeah like his little doll does he like own you well i hope so i would love to be owned by him it's really lucrative got it yeah i don't think i'm worthy of the title of tony's slave got it now that's kind of how i feel about my relationship with caleb caleb kind of owns me and i kind of love it because it's kind of nice oh cool and then and then you liar you here you are doing stand-ups yeah one that's okay sure okay but it's also from like 10 years ago no it's not that was recently this was recently yeah i look young this was like literally like this year january or december that was this year yeah wow okay i'm i suck um interesting okay cool um i don't think i look like that right now not at all maybe it's just the hair i don't know maybe i'm wrong i don't know you're wearing a different shirt too you guys don't have a makeup person here that's true i can take 10 years off me sick you're wearing makeup in this one um cool if you if you really want my input um this is a this is a very this is a very can you go look through my things and um yeah pick a photo i mean we probably can't screen record all the photos but can i yeah we'll blur that we'll blur that brandon everybody in post do that um let's go full access and we're gonna pick a photo um also by the way this is all very subjective and so the i pick also if i do this in two seconds like it's not gonna be worse than what i did fair um oh this is funny there's you after a dental surgery i feel like i'm really on this um do you i mean like dude your instagram i feel like is like popping off yeah yeah okay hans kim this is okay here's the thing you're rich you're famous right and you and and and you're good right are you cool with like capitalizing on those strengths in your profile are you gonna try to make me a dude what are you talking about what like you're rich you're famous go dude now it's better i don't just my mind he told me everything i'm doing is wrong now i'm feeling like you're doing the same thing and you're gonna try to make me a dude i really if you want to a dude i will i guess i can try to help but like i that was not dating coach isn't that like such a great solution to a lot of guys problems i mean honestly i so one i'm not a dating coach because what the is a dating coach that's ridiculous what i would like to do is make it eventually when i have some free time in this studio i would like to make a common sense online dating advice show right that's i think very different than a dating coach because a dating coach to me is someone who sells you a course and is a scumbag so i don't want to do that you want to be like the jordan peterson of dating you want to tell them to make their bed and yeah brush their teeth i mean honestly like yeah for most guys for most guys the advice boils down to like hey become a better person and like be cooler and be better and like get richer and get fit and you will like it will become way easier um if we're gonna pick a picture of you um let's go to head shots okay literally any one of these pictures would be like you could literally do any of these and they're like oh this is just like a fake guy he's not like a real person dude all this picture right here is a banger which one you're gonna you're not gonna like this because it is gonna be if we if we went with that you're smiling it says that you do stand-up right that to me is like a solid first picture right if you are rich famous stand-up comedian do you have a photo with somebody who else who is famous you were on rogan dude like oh yeah we should put that in the tinder yeah you and joe rogan if you're trying to like you know show your your current girlfriend that your current ex-girlfriend that you kind of live with or whatever uh if you're trying to like dunk on her then put you and rogan in this we can get you really going out in the city do you have a picture of you and rogan um probably on instagram sick also your instagram's great you could just take stuff from your instagram put it up there do you have any hobbies outside of comedy i like drone flying yeah that's kind of really nerdy look the screenshot sick okay well that's not gonna work do you didn't you didn't like pose for one i did oh you did yeah okay that's that's perfect okay okay dude you're oh my god you're with chapelle chapelle in it too bro how are you what are you this is insane use famous people to get laid i i'm i guess okay i mean look i agree with you that there is a little moral dilemma there it's a quandary okay you don't want to you know be with people for the wrong reasons that said if you're trying to get laid absolutely is that fair like yeah are you trying your goal are you trying to meet a soulmate are you trying to like you know i would like to meet a soulmate that i can you know have a casual relationship with got it and then eventually turn into a child or something yeah sure okay sick well i mean this way you could have many casual relationships yeah increase my odds there you go okay so we've got you doing comedy we've got you with joe rogan um i'm gonna delete this cringe machine or is it cool if i delete some of these yes please okay we're gonna delete we're gonna delete cringe machine picture that says i've never been in a gym in my life i'm also gonna delete man's back from your profile is that cool that's very smart sick okay what about the super close-up selfie um super close-up selfie we're we're gonna i mean we're gonna nuke the whole thing but like we need we need things to replace it with so um I don't know.

59:18Okay, can I hit your Instagram really quick? Yes. Sick. Just don't respond to any of the dudes. Yeah? The thirsty dudes coming for you? Yeah. Why do you think I f*** dudes? Do you think I give like a... I just thought that's what you were going to tell me to do. Got it. Like, I looked at your Tinder. It's hopeless. Your only shot now is to be a bottom. I mean, you might be a great bottom, you know. Never say never. I don't know. How about something like this? That was great, yeah? Yeah, I look harmless. You do look harmless. Do you just screenshot it? I mean, yeah, why not? Because it's hard to download a photo off Instagram.

59:57For now, let's do it. I just won't show my body off anymore. Look, I'm in Korea. That's sick. But there's nothing like Korea about that, you know? Make sense? How about me and my boys at the PC bang? No. Would you f*** somebody who wants to sit in a PC chair? i'm playing video games with you oh look that that i like do that one okay screen cap that one we'll throw it in there there's my drive i like that that is way better you can not see your like tummy flab or whatever it's a sign of wealth what tummy flab that's true that's true is it cool if i'm told to you aren't you kind of a professional on stage to other people yeah but i can't take it oh i'm sorry this is look at this i don't know what this is who's jeju it's an island in korea got it nobody cares okay cool um now you're correct should you you know exclusively farm your clout to get laid probably not that said are you trying to create something that is going to be successful uh if so like i think this is going to get you a lot more uh attention than than the other thing would you agree with that yes okay i don't think they'll mind either i think joe rogan be like hell yeah i also want to clarify that i you'd probably have to so i don't use tinder because tinder was developed a decade ago and um i do use hinge though and so the other answer here is make a hinge profile if you want to yes i'm gonna do this profile on hinge because it's the same thing right it's just a different skin yeah that's true and bumble what do you think about bumble i think bumble's good um my other piece of advice is that when so so part of the reason why tinder i think is less good is because um like their prompt stuff uh is not like there's no like prompts built into this and i really like the prompts or actually i think they're out of prompts no they're not um and uh with your prompts um everybody writes three prompts and then they never do it again if you actually are trying to make a really good profile pic uh for dating write 20 prompts just like comedy right like how many jokes do you write that just suck like zero you don't you only write good jokes yeah okay well typically my experience when writing jokes because i've written a lot of jokes is you write 20 jokes and then you take the top three or the top five and that's your set right right same thing for dating profile in my opinion it tells you which one people responded to most so it doesn't um but that's why you use your your brain and your thoughts edit it yourself yeah i would actually i'm a loser and i like online dating so i like write them down in my notes app and i do like 20 different things and then i'm like okay out of these 20 which ones are the funniest ones which ones like are actually the most descriptive of who I am and do that.

1:02:52Cool. This profile to me. Is this my best work? Probably not. We're going to wrap it up. Is this my best work? Probably not. There's your first, second. Hey, he's famous. Cool. He looks good. Oh, he goes outside occasionally and I don't see a big flat, fabby tummy. And then, oh, sick. Here's a cool poster that he's on. Cool. I also think that your description needs a lot of work because it doesn't give any information about you at all whatsoever. So I would write some cool, clever things about you, give you that um you start swiping the other thing is you gotta i would definitely get premium which people can roast me in the comments for but like premium will put your profile at the top of hinge for i would do hinge personally but yeah and um hinge premium uh will like put you on the top of everybody's stack so that means you can increase your number of impressions so if you're paying money to get more yeah who is the prostitute i think i am in a way okay because you're paying money for but there's no did you punch somebody prostitution uh yeah a little bit not somebody just something wall yeah why because the girl uh that was a part of it dude it was great meeting you i bet you're really funny i'm gonna go watch your stuff okay well you don't have to thanks man all right let's let's close it out let's get your hammer financial score so we have a score here this is how we rank your overall finances zero being the worst 10 being the best where do you think you are zero to ten five is average like in terms of like how much money i have or how much how i'm using overall financial picture overall overall i would say i'm a seven which is better than a three physically so i'm out batting my looks it's a mess why did you make such a mess put your hammer financial score description below it's free i break it down by categories and then we do an overall score the only one that has to do with age is retirement retirement your retirement's gonna suck but that's okay spending in a budget i mean you're it's fantastic it's great um the only reason why it's not gonna be a 10 out of 10 is because you're not contributing things to retirement it's literally just sitting in savings so that spending isn't like perfect but it's gonna be 8 out of 10 which is great one of the best we've had on the show debt you don't have any debt yeah my parents paid for my college rich yeah that's 10 out of 10 emergency fund are your parents rich yeah my dad is really yeah is that why you don't like care about like i guess so because i always know i have a golden parachute at the end of the day but yeah i try to care i try to have fear you have a fully funded emergency fund so that's 10 out of 10 retirement you don't have anything in retirement let's count that cd is retirement is getting started so i'll give you a three for your age but you need to start shifting things over there that's obviously your big failure zero out of ten for real estate because you don't own any real estate yeah well you have you said oh my dad has something he has it or is it under your name it's under my name i think he has to die for me to get anything out of it well then you don't have to have any more gay conversations that's pretty good which i don't want him to die but i think i might be rich if he dies but i know that's the retirement that's the retirement plan kill my dad it's all coming together all right i'll give you five out of ten for the real estate since you own some in your own name yeah i have to sign things i'm gonna say because i don't think you know well that's okay i'm glad investments isn't up you nailed it Hammer Financial, 7 out of 10.

1:06:26Thank you, man. Make sure to check out all of the resources linked in the description below. They are what I use or would use in specific situations, including the best budgeting program in the history of the internet. Thanks to all of our Patreon producers for making this episode possible. If you want to participate in an episode of Financial Audit and you're able to make it to Austin, Texas, please fill out an application in the survey linked in the description below. You can also send a link to your friends or family who you think might be good to be on the show. If you have any questions, you can email casting at calebhammer.com.