Financial Audit's Biggest Crashout

24:40So she's not willing to cut back. Yes, she said she is. I just haven't seen it. Have you cut back? Yes. I feel like you probably haven't. Well, not this month, no. Why not this month? We just got back from vacation. I'm still on vacay mode when'd you get back like two weeks ago philippines it's expensive travel but it's cheap when you're there so it's like what two weeks two weeks vacay mode is this the new stupid version of birthday month that i'm being being well we did spend our birthdays over there and we were also there for three are you guys there three and a half weeks that's a long so i get the other side of the world being longer than normal because it's a it's a long trip it's an 18 hour flight exactly but you're back it's time to buckle up yes tighten the belt you had your vacation you guys have an insane amount of debt if i don't start going through this debt we're never getting out of here okay all right where do you think your household do you know what that means it means you and her okay where do you think your score would be financially zero to tens you're being the worst 10 being the best 10 is a number so zero you can give 10 numbers in between there

26:02five five have you seen this show yes i've seen the show all the time actually you're welcome were you closing your ears and eyes while it was playing near you you think you're a five this is some of this is the one of the biggest stacks of okay guys if you want your hammer financial score and you're not a moron sorry sorry go to calebhammer.com and you can also click the link in the description below and take the assessment see where you stand financially if you want to come down here to austin texas we'd be happy to have you go to calebhammer.com apply all right okay sure let's talk about this stuff oh god what no we're just starting with like a insane balance now we do spend 25 000 a month somehow we don't shut the fuck up yes you do that's literally what you do on what i think we're gonna find out something tells me you've seen the show before that we might find out.

27:08Starting now, Southwest, rapid rewards. Okay, so$14 ,372.92. Minimum monthly payment,$480. That's crazy. What is up with this card? That is a crazy balance. A crazy minimum monthly payment. Even with your super strong income, that's a devastating minimum monthly payment. Devastating. please tell that's not my card well it is now mine but there it is you figured it out you got there well legally but depends on a few things in the end but yes i think it is best in a marriage that we consider it all ours what hit you out of what made you come out of the gate with it's not mine This is what concerns me about your guys.

28:05This is fast-moving, 50 marriages before 30 lifestyle. I couldn't even get approved for a$1 ,000 credit limit in a lifetime. You probably can't manage it. And yes, you would, but... What's going on with it? Do you know? Oh, you don't even know. Well, okay, so I think that card was used... This is Southwest. Did you use this for plane tickets to the Philippines? No. Okay. It was used for our very first couple trip to Las Vegas. How often do you guys travel? All the time. Okay, you're broken. Technically, we're not. No, listen. You guys can't afford life. You simply can't afford. But we do, and we've been.

28:49You don't. Your debt goes up. That's why you're able to spend what you spend. And it's going to get pushed to a limit where you guys aren't going to be able to make it. And bankruptcy will be forced upon you. We're just not going to go see the world? Yeah, you're just not going to go see the world. You said it. You figured it out. We're just not going to go see the world. You're not going to go see the world. Because our credit cards just manage our lives. Yes. No. Well, what's the... Then what are we doing here? You're supposed to help us. In what way? I'm not a magic pill. Buddy, if I say, hey, maybe you can't do a luxurious vacation once a month, and that's why you're in debt.

29:29Okay, first of all, it's not even once a month. If I just give literally the most basic thing and tell you to cut out the most expensive thing that maybe you do once a year instead, max, which I wouldn't even do, I'd get out of debt, then maybe, maybe you'd be willing to cut that back. So I don't know what the f*** is going on here. This is so stupid. This is so stupid already. So dumb. This is the first card. You have to be receptive. If you're sitting at this table, you have to be receptive or I'm not f***ing filming. I am receptive. I just don't agree with your logic. Please explain. I mean, you know, everybody has debt.

30:12No. Yes. Oh, f***. Everybody has debt. No. I'm just not going to have, we're just not going to go see the world. Yes. And not go travel just because credit cards have to be paid. Oh, my f***. You have to go make memories. Shut the f*** up. You have to go make memories. What are you going to do? Just stay in your house and f***ing work all the time? No. Literally? Oh my gosh. Buddy. Is that what you do? Is that why you're just so miserable all the time? Well, yes, I am building a business here. So I do put in more work than you've ever put in in your entire life. But I also have results to show for it.

30:46And you have nothing to show for it. I know you like free things. And I'm giving some things away for free right now. and let me show you how to get it. First, I'm giving you a limited edition financial audit Tumblr plus a 30-day trial of Simpler Budget Premium to new users when you buy my four-class bundle. And this trial is normally only 14 days, but I'm doubling it just for those purchasers. And do you just want one class? No worries, you'll still get access to that 30-day Simpler Budget trial. And act now because we're winding down our intro pricing at midnight on April 23rd. So this is the best price you'll ever see on these classes.

31:27So if you're feeling stuck or intimidated by your finances, you're not alone. And now is the best time to get started. Grab your free limited edition Tumblr, sit back and finally take control of your financial future or don't. And you can end up right here. But also at the same time, because of that, I could retire right now and actually go see the world without going in debt because I put in the time. I put in the work. I put in the effort, the mental energy, the stress, the zits. Instead, your next vacation will be living under a bridge and you won't be leaving there. And guess what? She won't be there following your track record.

32:04So, yeah, I say we cut back. You've already been married. Three times. When? How often? Maybe like every three to four months. No, you can't. You can't go once a quarter. Buddy, you are, you can go on road trips here and there. I could maybe slot in a trip once a year. We can see the world. You guys have a strong income to build up a nest egg to go see the world. Okay, so instead of screaming at me, do that. I can't do that unless you're willing to cut out the trips for a moment. Okay, after July we will. What's coming up before July? What's coming up before July? So I have a son who has achondroplasia.

32:53What is that? I don't know what that is. It's a form of dwarfism. Tread lightly. How do you get that? It's a genetic mutation. So anyway, once a year, they do these conferences. And we, I try to go, we try to go every year. Well, I mean, that sounds happier. That's not like go see the world. That's a. It's in like major cities of the States. Major cities? yeah like one time it was in austin this year it's in san diego careful it's easier to lose in there so i

33:33i i didn't get the chance sorry i'm so sorry she's laughing it's okay it's okay she's laughing usually i'm the only one allowed to make jokes but it passed the test and him and him listen i'm okay with that part i'm okay with i'm okay with those things that are good for you know a development of a kid that's all travels are good for your soul sure but like i'm but i'm willing to put in things like gym right like i'm not cutting back from gym there are things that are good and you're right traveling probably is good for the soul but listen because he has like a disorder a diagnosis what was diagnosed a disorder i don't know whatever it is we want to support it and this can be a good way to do that so i might not be fully opposed to that but a trip to the philippines i'm probably fully opposed to because that's not supporting someone in a curious situation well it's supporting me because i get to go back home to my roots and my family.

34:38Yeah, but you have a long time to do that statistically. What if I die tomorrow and I never went back home? I said statistically, but also if you die tomorrow, you won't know that you didn't have gone. Right, and so this also won't matter if I die tomorrow. Exactly, but let's bet on the statistical likelihood that you will live until at least mid-70s. Statistically. Right. Yeah, so I'd rather choose that. That doesn't make any sense. Do you understand the logic I just used? Well, I just... Do you understand it? I need to make sure you at least understand that. Yes, statistically, yes, I get it.

35:11Okay, so let's bet on that. No, because statistics are not in charge. Had I died tomorrow, we wouldn't have been able to live like the Kardashians in the Philippines. Had you died tomorrow, you won't know that you had lived like the Kardashians. But also, had I died tomorrow, this wouldn't matter. Exactly, exactly. That is what I'm saying. If you died tomorrow and you didn't go, you wouldn't have regretted anything because you're dead. You don't regret when you're dead. You're dead. But if you, on the very high chance, live tomorrow, I'd rather you be in a place where you're not completely...

35:49But I would have gone. And I would have had that memory. I don't think... With my whole family, all 23 of them. And what genetics were passed to your brain, I'm curious? Great ones, if you can't tell already. Hey, listen. You're defensive. I am not defensive. Are you serious? Are you fucking kidding me? I was going to defend your defensism. Defensism? Not a word. That's, yeah, that's, I'm just thinking isms when I'm looking at you. Just, I'm sorry. that's what's in my head right now. The Burlington Coat Event is back. Buy a coat now through November 29th and get$5 off your merchandise purchase of 25 or more from December 6th through December 24th.

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37:00So, I'm just saying, when people are in front of the camera, and are not used to being in front of the camera, and when they're getting confronted for the first time, when they're not used to getting confronted, it is normal to be defensive. I would like you to actually just think, though. Just think, be more receptive. I'm not being defensive. I'm literally explaining to you my thought process hopefully you guys are enjoying this because my enjoyment is gone okay great hey you're purchasing on a credit card on the$14 ,000 stupid dollar credit card $117.70 she purchasing you're purchasing are you an authorized user I don't think so I'm not an authorized user I don't have a card I don't have access to that card do you know she's purchasing are you okay with her purchasing I don't know that she's purchasing okay now you know she's purchasing what do you think well Well, it's her card.

37:53My debt. So that sucks for both of us. If you guys have a conversation about this, will she stop purchasing or are we wasting our fucking time? Maybe she will. I don't know. Oh, my gosh. Maybe. This is the least productive. Yes, she will. Yes. Yes. You're just saying that now. Okay. $336 of interest recruiting one single month on one single card. That is insane. Basically, at its credit limit, no one's surprised. This is f***ing Amazon! You guys share your Amazon accounts or independent accounts? Independent. Why would you pay for two separate Amazon Primes? Well, I added her to mine, and it didn't work, so I think she's still paying for hers.

38:40Just log into the same account. Yeah, we could do that. What happened, you guys? What laboratory were you guys invented in? This is insane This is insane I am so confused On the way you guys operate Buddy I don't even know what the f*** to do So you guys just got back from the Philippines How much did you spend there to live like the Kardashians? Well Half of what we spend here So that's great You're just as stupid as them too You talk like them You act like them You want to be them The last smart one was the fucking grandpa who defended OJ And he was wrong for that So what the f - How much did you spend?

39:25That's rude Like$3 ,000 Well Are you sure? I don't think you know Because you thought you only spent$7 ,000 to$10 ,000 or whatever The flights You spent$25 ,000 Alone were like$3 ,000 Then you spent more I meant Like once we were there Like spending money $3 ,000 Okay, I feel my veins right now, which means I'm getting stressed. And this is so stupid. I don't know why. It's a Credit One card. Great. Credit One card at the top of the f***ing deck. Do you know what this means? Do you? How many episodes have you watched? Credit One is the worst of the worst. Oh, my gosh. He actually walked away with something.

40:12I'd watch a show. Then why are you being a... You're over the credit limit.

40:23Whose card is this? Mine. You f***ed, dude. You know this is... Okay, let me explain. Can I explain before you start screaming at me? There's going to be an explanation to this? Yes, there is an explanation to this. My credit history is really young. And this is one of those things that's like high chance of approval. And I thought... Hey, Jake! when you had a young credit history did you ever get credit one you did oh but you didn't open it hey lindsey we had young credit did you open credit one oh neither did i that's interesting so what the fuck you're saying this is the only option no that was before your time i wouldn't have opened it had i known i'm your age well on youtube i mean It was like four or five years ago that it was like, build your credit.

41:16So I opened it. Also, it's only a$300 credit limit. Good. So, yeah, that's great. Could be worse. Yeah, it could be higher and you would abuse it. That's what. Well, we don't know that. It's like, I do. Look at everything you guys do. What do you mean? We literally know that from your finances. Not me personally. You're purchasing on a credit one card? Okay, you've been watching my show for long enough not to purchase on a credit one card. So what are you possibly doing? Why purchase on this card? Because we run out of cash. Then you are purchasing on things you cannot afford. It is simple as that.

41:54Yes, but we paid for everybody in the Philippines. Who's everybody? My whole family. I told you, all 23 of us. Oh, big breeders. Okay. That's insane. Um, okay. And you paid for all of them? Yes, because it's what you do when you go home to a third world country. You're the one in America. You're rich, so you go home and pay for everybody's meals and drinks and vacations. This doesn't make any sense. You guys were already in a stack of debt, and you couldn't be in that situation to pay for all that. It's not even a f***ing thing. I always recommend the f***ing fizz card to everyone on the show.

42:31Not you. Not you. Great for everyone out there. Not you. What? You don't know that. I could be great. I have your finances. I have your finances, lady. I do know that. No, no. The thing I will recommend for you is therapy if you can handle it. Sondermine, there you go. Free sessions. That's the resource you get. But not Fez. Hey, you! Look at me! My job is to sit right here and be the absolutely stunning figure that I am. And some things I just can't help. like my incredible ass, which is why you're all here, of course. But also, some things are in my control. For example, the pearly whites. I yap a lot, and some would say too much, so I get it.

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43:54So you owe$302 on a$300 limit because we manage life so well with a$30 minimum monthly payment. Oh, good. You took it up from$55 to over the credit limit. That's great. It's for Marshalls. It's for Target. Target. Target. I needed stuff. La Noob. Amazon. There's your annual fees. Just the fees that are hitting$177 this year so far. $70 in interest. It's only a$300 limit. It's fine. Good. Yeah, right. Why would you spend to it? Pull up your Amazon. Pull up your fucking Amazon. Let's see what all your relatives are making overseas.

44:40Um, I don't even know what's on here. Ugh, you are just, you are the mintiest creature I've ever seen. Does it smell like mint? I don't have any mint. It's attached. It's so, ugh, I just gotta delicately touch this thing. Do you want hand sanitizer? I want for you to listen. Well, at least you seem like a halfway nice person when you all of a sudden feel... Is that your wife? Who the fuck else would be on my phone? One of your other four wives? I have two. Had. Had. I have one. Why did you leave the man while I'm pulling this up and getting connected to Wi-Fi? Obviously, because I was gay. Hello.

45:23Oh, were you full gay? Yes. Is that even a thing, though? Full gay? Well, I don't know. You left a dude. You have to categorize yourself? It's 2025. I don't know. You said you were gay. So you left a dude. I did. But now you're saying you can't be full gay? So you wouldn't leave a dude? It was the first thing I've ever been with, ever. I know. That thing produced two children. Yes, and I'm grateful for it. How long were you guys together? We were together for four and a half years. sake okay did you you did you just tell them that you were gay and you left um what do the kids think of the gay i guess they've been around double gay now for a while so they think that love is love and they're happy about you leaving dad um well backstory i was raised mormon what the fuck like They're going out to the islands and pushing hard?

46:24I guess. Like born into Mormonism. Like born and raised in the Philippines and I was Mormon up until I met the kid's dad. So he's the one that got to have multiple wives. Well, yeah, I was trying to please and appease parents that were super into the church. But I still did it with the wrong person because he was a lot older than me. The man? The baby man? Yes. How old? How old were you? I was 18. Okay. An adult, sure. And he was?

46:5940s. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, that's substantial. It was a lot. Substantially different. Parents were not happy. How the f*** did you guys? Your parents, your Mormon parents. My Mormon parents. So you weren't doing it to a piece of church. Well, they wanted me to be with a guy. So I was like, okay, here you go. Here's a guy. What'd you do? You just f***ing what? streets of Salt Lake? Wally was my recruiter. Huh? He was my recruiter. Recruiter for what? The military? Yeah. Oh my gosh. How'd this go down? Well, I tried to enlist after high school. I got disqualified for medical reasons and he was my recruiter.

47:39So when I got disqualified, I was no longer an applicant and all it was fair game. Did you make a move or he made a move? He made a move. Why the f*** would I make a move on a I don't know you married him and did two kids okay alright we're missing a puzzle to this story I was Mormon and I got kicked out because I tried to come out gay I knew before I was with him gay people love to sleep with people way older than them so this is really this is consistent we're just hitting all the stereotypes today I know you're matching them so okay fine you left them good why'd you leave the second one oh there was infidelity on both ends On both ends?

48:18Come on. What are we doing here? Every time... I'm not even close to homophobic, but I'm about to say, every time we have lesbians on this show, they all cheat on each other. What is happening? I had reasons. What was your reason? Yeah. I was activated. And she wasn't there for me. I don't know what the fuck did that more. Were you sleeper cell? No, like with the military. Come on. Oh, okay. Keep up. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay.

48:50Okay, keep going. Sorry, sorry. Activated with the military. So I was gone for a long time. I was on a mission and I needed her support and she couldn't give it to me. So I found it somewhere else. That, come on. No, not fair. I'm confused why that equals you go f*** someone else, though. No, it doesn't. But also you're supposed to be there for your f***ing wife and she wasn't. Could she have been? Yes, a lot more than she was. She could have gone. Where were you activated to? I was only eight hours away. Okay. So she could have made the drive. Did you tell her to? Yes. Okay, then why didn't you just break up and be done?

49:28Don't cheat. Well, because she had my kids. How many people you cheat on with? What? How many different pairs were you on? Why does that matter? Come on. Yeah. How many people were you with? one so that's a lie okay literally it doesn't matter it was the principle like see it from my point of view I'm sure your current wife is gonna love this open this open this I had your I got your Amazon pulled up and then she cheated on you because she learned you cheated on her yes were you cheating with women oh my gosh

50:11how often were you cheating Okay, what? How often were you cheating? What do you mean? How often were you cheating? What classifies as often? Like how often would I see people? Yes. To go get drinks and stuff? If it's with that intent, yes. Not often, what do you mean? How often? Come on. I was talking to multiple different people. Did they know? Did they know what? Oh my gosh, you're a fucking creature. Did they know that I was talking to multiple people? Yes. No. I do. Listen, you don't know until you're out there. You don't know what? The loneliness and the camaraderie that you need. Then don't get married if you're in that situation.

50:51The support that you need from people. Then don't get married. This is why military people get divorced. And we have a bad rap. And you should have instead of cheating. Yeah, you were the bad rap. After you cheated, I was like a thousand different chicks. She cheated too. Let's not forget that. Two wrongs don't make a right. Because you did. Two wrongs don't make a right. Because you did that. It's still not okay. No, it's not. What I did wasn't okay. And I acknowledge that. So you got some like lotion, screen protectors, more screen protectors. How many screen protectors do we need? We went to the Philippines.

51:20Also got sunburned really bad. Went to the Philippines. That's where everyone gets their screens scratched. Filipinos is going around. Phone screens? I thought you said sunscreen. Nope. That might be sunscreen. An iPad case. Probably for the iPad kid. Phone case. What is this? A poker set? Maybe? No. That's like Keurigs or something. Crystal, Deco Brothers, tempered crystal something, cubes, water pets, boy with a video game, Nespresso capsules, Nespresso capsules, makeup and face. Dude, none of this is like a necessity. There isn't a single necessity here. No, it's almost Easter time. No, not well, shut up.

52:00It's almost what? It's almost Easter time. Oh my God. We need, the Easter bunny is coming. So. That's for candy. there wasn't candy in here the Easter Bunny at our house did we do different Easter's? my Easter was candy the Easter Bunny at our house is bougie the Easter Bunny at your house is in a lot of debt the Easter Bunny at your house never knows what house to go to because you're with someone different every year not every year the Easter Bunny at your house was probably inside of you while you served None of these are necessities This is crazy You go crazy on here You go crazy I did tell you earlier that Amazon is my weakness I know At least I was forthcoming Imagine the return on your investment if you just put that money in Stocks Moomoo savings account Anything It'd be just delicious And instead you're a moron I shouldn't just be slinging insults I can throw jabs but insults there's no point what are we doing i'll just get upset and that's where my brain goes amazon oh great is this your amazon card or hers mine okay oddly not even that many purchases but of course purchases fees$40 fees$10.32 of interest$31.42 of purchases you're at the Credit.

53:30Let me know what is the fee possibly? What is the f***ing fee possibly? What is the fee for? Late payment? I don't know. Great. Oh, my gosh. You don't give a s***. You don't care. Of course I care. That's why I'm here. I don't. That's why I'm here. Great. I can't tell. I can't get in your brain. You're sassy. Then you say you're not. You're defensive. Then you say you're not. And it's just like f***ing. I don't understand. I'm trying to tell you why these things. Yeah, there's a nice part of your personality. Yet there's an aggressive cheater. Yet there's, I don't understand what you are. I might not know how to get through to you.

54:05I can get through to most people. I don't know. You're an enigma. I'm kind of great, actually. I'm sure in other contexts, not this. $379.59 with a$50 minimum payment. It was a late fee. Why are you late? The one who manages the finances of the house. The good one I forgot How can you forget Why don't you have a calendar Why don't you have a budgeting app like ours Why don't you have it on auto pay I get a wild hair up my ass And I'll make a budget You what I'll get a wild hair up my ass And make a budget You're not a military anymore Well yes you are So it's gonna continue Okay Wrap them up Keep going What I'm trying to tell you is I need you to listen Are you listening to me?

55:01Unfortunately This is gonna help you figure me out Yes, unfortunately I am listening Because I have no other choice but to stay here I make a budget, right? And then I don't follow it after like a week Yeah That's why we're here It'll last maybe two weeks tops Yeah And then Amazon calls For me, at least Shut the f*** up You just have to make your minimum monthly payment is what we're talking about. Just your minimum monthly payment is a first start. But doesn't that accrue interest and stuff? Yes. And now the balance is higher because of the$40 late fee, so the interest will be more. I guess I just forgot.

55:42Why is it not on auto pay? Because sometimes there's no money in the account. Then why don't you have a reminder for when it's due at the very latest? I do. I get emails. You don't check your emails probably because it's 2025 and you don't have a job. I do have a job. Does it come through emails? My job? No. There you go. So you probably don't check your emails. Set yourself a reminder. Set me a reminder for blah, blah, blah day at this time to remind me to pay Amazon. This is, we live in a world with technology. live in a world of technology and again if your relative is going to make that phone for you you may as well use them

56:29okay okay

56:36great stellar conversation capital one

56:44$1 ,950.49 with a 68-hour minimum monthly payment. This is a Capital One. Whose credit card is this? Wifey's. Okay, wifey's. So, you're about to make a trade based on a friend's text. But which you do you listen to? Is it, We could buy a house in Tulum! Get optioning those options! We could lose everything. Or, let's do a little research. Get your head in the trade and make the investment decision that's right for you. Learn more at FINRA.org slash trade smart. Fees, temporary wifeys. $51 of purchases,$49.19 of interest. Oh, good. $50 from the credit limit. Who would have fucking thought? Did you know she was purchasing on this?

57:34Yes, that's... So you know she's purchasing on this one. Okay, this one. Okay. Why do you know this one but not the others? Because this one was opened when we were already together. This was used, this was open solely for our wedding purposes. We had a really nice wedding. Of course you did, because you can't compromise on anything. Should have been a nice wedding. Do I even care to ask? Well, yes. Maybe you'll feel bad for me if you do. I'll judge if it's interesting and I'll cut you off if it sucks. We spent$20 ,000 on our wedding. What the f***? Also. So f***ing ironic. Mostly credit cards and some from her dad.

58:24Beyond the 20 or he helped with some of the 20? Within the 20. Oh, okay. Good. Good. How much did he help with? Like$6 ,000. Like we owe him$6 ,000. Oh, it's a debt to the debt. Well, he hasn't tried to collect, so that's really nice. But was it agreed upon that it was borrowed? It was like a casual, like, you'll pay me back. No. Huh? What do you mean? No, no, no. Tell me what was agreed. There was no agreement. It was a verbal conversation. It was like. And what was said? Dad, we need help with the wedding. Okay, here you go. I know you'll pay me back. Oh. That's what happened. Oh. I mean, why do you do this to yourself?

59:04Why did you have to spend so much on this route to the wedding anyway? Okay, it wasn't supposed to be this big. and it was, it just got big. You think after your third one, you wouldn't need it to go crazy? Okay, that's not true because this is the only wedding I had. That's not true. I got married, but I didn't have a wedding. And this was supposed to be the last one. So I was like, okay, we're gonna... It's supposed to be. Everyone was supposed to be the last one. That's, I didn't, nope. I didn't make those promises in the first one. You did when you got married. Anyway, we spent that much money on the wedding And we, it was only supposed to be like 10 people.

59:41And then it grew to 60. Yeah, but it's, you get to choose that. And I know it's hard, but you get to choose that. Well, it was hard. And it was mostly, I didn't have my family here. So it was just my mom and dad and siblings. It was her people. So 60 people, none of yours? Well, some clients and friends. It was supposed to be a family-only intimate wedding. If you would just let me fucking finish. And then the guest list just grew to 60. It started as 10, grew to 60. And then we were having our wedding. The venue people, it was in the fields. It's El Paso, Texas. The venue people didn't spray for bugs.

1:00:18So there's irrigation right next to them. So the mosquitoes, it was insane. Like the venue was infested with mosquitoes. Okay. Okay, I'm almost finished. Listen, everybody got bit. It was really bad. Covered with mosquito bites. so we had to take everything inside this tiny old house and all of our setup that we paid for got left outside so twenty thousand dollars down the drain yeah the dance floor the setup the dinner table the tent the beautiful lights all of it outside so a lot of this is from the wedding a lot of what a lot of the expenditures you're talking about shut up that is not true you are still spending on this card when it is at its credit limit.

1:01:05Yes, but some of the balance is from the wedding. Sure, but you're still spending on it instead of making progress. Okay, wait, here's the best part. No, what? The best part is because our wedding was a bust, we decided to do it again in the Philippines.

1:01:23And it was an absolute success if you wanted to know. And it wasn't as much. It was success in every way except for your life. But I have memories. Yeah, you also have$413 ,000 of debt. So better be a lot of really good memories. Oh my, I don't even know. What the fuck are we doing? $413 ,000? $413 ,000. That's not a thing.

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1:02:35Plus, I'm adding new features like every freaking week to make this thing even better. And you can test it out with a 14-day free trial so there's no risks. And don't forget, when you sign up for the annual version of the premium plan, you'll receive a limited edition signed notebook and my exclusive signed hardcover cookbook, all mailed directly to your door. So make sure you download my budgeting app today. It's in the description and pinned comment below. You will not regret it. It went to HNFS West. What is that? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Great. So keeping us at the credit limit for something we don't even know.

1:03:25GECU. Who's this? Wifey. Okay. 4 ,737 with a limit of 5 ,000. So basically maxed out. And 27 cents with a minimum monthly payment of$95.

1:03:46Great Takes how long to pay off Just minimum of the payments No more purchases Which you guys are typically incapable of How long does it take to pay off Just this card The$4 ,000 one Not the$14 ,000 one we talked about At the beginning The minimum is 95 Probably like 400 years Give me a real answer I don't know 25 20 Okay so I was close I do know my numbers Sure. And 25 is acceptable to you? 20 is acceptable to you? Obviously not. And why are you guys still spending on all the cards and keeping them all at their limits? There is not a single card to have not looked at that are not basically at the limit.

1:04:26And one was over. And one was late.

1:04:33We have to do stuff There hasn't been one necessity yet Yeah, we have to do stuff No, there hasn't been one necessity yet Okay, we want to do stuff Okay, do you want to get out of debt or do you want to do stuff? Eventually But can I do both? Can I get out of debt and still live my best life together with her and the kids? Probably not See, and that's not, why is that okay? It's not acceptable Who are you going to complain to and have that changed? I just don't This is the system. We were not put on this earth to just fucking be ran by bills, bro. Well, congratulations. You made the choices that got you in them, though.

1:05:13And so did she. And so did she. And you guys continue to make the choices that get you in there. On this earth? We're not on this earth for any purpose. We're fucking born and we die. Like, fuck you. You're making the choices you make along the way. That's really morbid. But that's also just how the biology works. You're born, you die, and you live. You're making the choices along the way. I disagree. What do you mean? You don't just die. Are you talking like afterlife thing? That's something different. I'm just talking about the life on this earth. You know, we can believe whatever you want to believe outside of that.

1:05:49Right before you die, you only get one chance at this. So why not just go do great stuff? Exactly, but your chance is going to be endlessly stressed, endlessly struggling. But okay, you're self-contradicting. Not being able to provide for your kids. Because earlier you were just, you were telling me, I'm telling you that this, all this doesn't matter because you just, you just live and die. So then what the, it's fine. Bills get paid. If they don't get paid, you die anyway, right? At the end. But do you want the next, hopefully 50 years or so to be an endless struggle and you not being able to take care of your kids or leave a legacy?

1:06:22If I get to see parts of the world as I go along, why not? At some point, you won't be able to because you won't have the credit to do so. And that's the only way you'll be able to afford it. I have that credit, Caleb. And I've been fine for 30 years. You guys do together. And that's how you're getting there. That's how you guys are getting there now. And the kids matter, too. You choosing seeing the world over them is being a selfish bitch. That's a reach because they get to see the world. Yes. And they get to have these memories with us. They get to talk about being stung by jellyfishes in the Philippines.

1:06:54They can get stung by the jellyfishes in Galveston. Ew. Have you been to the Philippines? Ew. To the Philippines? No, but there's jellyfish everywhere. Yes, but it's a lot more worth it to get stung in the Philippines. They also have a long time to get jellyfish. You're making it so that if they want to go to college, you can't support them. They're making it so... Not true. They're fine going to college with my military benefits. Okay. Yes. You got that part. Go U.S. Army. Sure. Yeah. Woo woo. But it's who I but.

1:07:29They might have to downgrade housing situations. They're going to see their mom endlessly fight with their other mom. No. Because yes, because that's one of the leading causes for divorce in this country. No, it's not going to get there because I'm here. You're going to help. That's not how this works. It's one of the leading causes. Isn't that what this show is for? Shut the fuck up. It's one of the leading causes for the divorce in this country. and you're in one of the leading relationships for divorce in this country. The odds are not second in your favor, so you need to do everything possible to maintain this.

1:07:59And it's for the sake of the kids because they're going to endlessly see their mom hopping to hopping to hopping to hop. And then you're going to have nothing. And then they're going to have to put their life on hold at some point. I would never allow that. It doesn't matter. It's not about allow. It's not about allow. But if you are struggling later in life because you never prepared at all, who knows what it's going to look like? That military disability might actually get f***ing looked at at some point. But imagine my babes having a mom that's like, no, we can't go there. And no, we can't go there because we can't afford it.

1:08:27And we can't afford it. That's a responsible mom. No. Yes. You're also teaching them horrible, horrible lessons. That's not true. Because when they grow up, they're going to be like, oh, when I was a kid, my mom took us here. It was pretty great. When I was a kid, we went here. They don't learn about sacrifice, though. They don't learn about the hard choices. Yes, I do it in a balanced manner. No, you don't. Yes, I do. You go way overboard. No, you don't. We stop doing birthday parties. would just go places now. But even still, you don't need to have an extravagant birthday party if you can't afford it.

1:08:59Like, that's just life. And I'm sorry, but life is life. We're not fucking promised anything. We're not. Again, so that's right. This is the system that exists. And this system has gotten us, luckily, even though there are struggles, the system has gotten us to, it is better to be a human in our lifetime than any other human existence in lifetime that has existed before us. Okay? Because of the technology, because of the enjoyments in life, because of the lifespan, because of the medical, because a lot of things. There is lower poverty in the world than there's ever been. And that's because of the system that we're in.

1:09:33In that system that we're in has some things that suck. But this suck that you're in has all been your choice. Has all been your wife's choice. So it's not like even this was put upon you. I never said it was. You complained about how we're not born to go through all this You chose to do this I did choose to do this so that my life here isn't wasted Instead you'll just be wasting your kid's future because you won't have anything prepared for you So they're going to sacrifice when they're trying to take care of their own life to take care of their selfish mom That's what's going to happen I disagree You disagree, great, okay That solves the issue.

1:10:21I don't know.

1:10:27And they told me you're going all out for your kid's birthday anyway. So that's just a lie. They say you're throwing this extravagant party. Okay, it's because she's turning 10. You're just a liar. She's turning 10. It's not extravagant. She wants a murder mystery birthday party. It's extravagant. It's extravagant That doesn't constitute As extravagant How much is it going to cost? I don't know probably like a thousand dollars Do you have the money? I will No you spend more than you make Will you have the money? Yes You stupid This is the most obnoxious You're the most obnoxious person I've met in a very long time No I'm pretty sure it's you Because you're the only one yelling in this room Oh my god But it's because of you It's because of you and you've seen the show.

1:11:16What, does this surprise you now that you're in person now? I just thought you were... How'd you even find your way to the studio from the airport? I'm surprised you're capable of doing that. Because I'm Asian and it's genetic for me to be smart. Then I think you'd be able to do math if you're really pulling that card. Well, I didn't get that gene. Yeah.

1:11:39Is this another Capital One, I guess? I mean, I'm getting lost here because there's just so much. This is fucking ridiculous. $224.84. But of course, the limit's only$300. Great. This is yours? Yeah. Yeah, you get the micro dick ones. How did you know? The jeans. So with that, you're getting fees again because it's your card. So of course we're getting late fees. And then there's a$6.90 interest. Congratulations. You suck. I'll pay it off. It's low. The other one's low, too. The other ones you have are low, and then you don't, and then they're late. Okay, so I'll pay mine off. This is the season for all your holiday favorites, like a very Jonas Christmas movie and Home Alone on Disney+.

1:12:35Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. Then Hulu has National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. We're all in for a very big Christmas treat. All of these and more streaming this holiday season. And right now, save big with our special Black Friday offer. Bundle Disney Plus and Hulu for just$4.99 a month for one year. Savings compared to current regular monthly price. And 12-1. Offer for ad-supported Disney Plus Hulu bundle only. Then$12.99 a month or then current regular monthly price. 18 plus terms apply. Always late. You're always late. Not always. Out of here, you've had three that were yours, right?

1:13:07Three? Yeah. Two have had late fees. I forget.

1:13:18I'm really smart, I promise. I don't know how you survive. I really don't. Well, I've done a pretty good job. I'm 30. No, you're not. This is not a good job. Listen, people have probably told you that throughout life to be nice. But no, you have not done a good job. You have not. You're actually closer to being a legitimate failure in life than being successful. Much closer. and I need to tell you that because no one has. Compared to whose standards? Yours? Compared to yours, Tiny? Dude, compared to even the people in the worst positions other than like, addicts and murderers and you're basically the worst.

1:13:54No, it's really not. Yes, it is. I have a roof over my head. There's food on the table. Oh, no. I don't think that's going to happen for very long. Well. You're pushing yourself to the limit.

1:14:07All of that you just said is a for now activity None of that is guaranteed And I'm sure you're going to claim disability after military aren't you? Already bab I'm getting it already

1:14:26I feel like this show may have exposed something What? In the system based on all the episodes we've had.

1:14:41I pay a lot of taxes for that. Okay. I got hit by a car in uniform. Why? Because they weren't doing their jobs properly. And I was in a wheelchair. Are you sure it wasn't because you were lost in the street? I was doing my job. There's a pass-due fee on here. We're not talking about that anymore. I am. I'm getting us back to the money. 30 % interest rate, can't pay the payment, interest is accruing. It's the second pass-due fee this year so far, and we're just over a quarter of the year in. And you're a mom. Good luck to your kids. Don't question my mothering skills. I am questioning your mothering skills.

1:15:31No. Yes, you're prioritizing you and being selfish. That's not true. I'm a really good mom. Them getting nice little knickknacks and shit is not the act of good parents. It's not just knickknacks. It's stuff that they need. You're not teaching them any responsibility, any discipline. I do. Anything that is going to make them be able to survive once they leave the house. They're going to be so fucking lost. They're going to get hit by a car too. And shove it right up your hairy mouth. That's f***ed up. What? You don't say that about kids. I'm basing it off of how you've raised them. You're probably not going to have any for saying that.

1:16:12Have any kids? Yeah. I don't know. There's a lot of life left. We'll see. I don't know. You can die tomorrow. Yeah, then I wouldn't have kids. That meant nothing. I feel like you felt like you just dropped a mic there. Yeah, because you're fucking upset about all this stuff. You want kids and then you're just wishing kids to get hit by a car. Why? Because they're not yours. Literally, you just did. You were like, they're probably going to get hit by a car too. Because you didn't teach them how to operate in this world. Your entire motherhood was focused around making sure they saw a jellyfish in the Philippines.

1:16:48No, I have happy kids. Yes, exactly. But not smart ones. My kids are very smart. You haven't taught them anything in life. I have. Listen, when they need it, I'll get some course career certifications. I'm not a yes baby all the time. They don't get everything that they want. I highly doubt that. They don't get everything they want. If we have it, we have it. If we don't, we don't. The getting hit by a car was a callback to you getting hit by a car. And one of them also probably the car wasn't able to see above their dash. So, I mean, that's mostly it. It's the art of the podcast. That's not what happened.

1:17:21And it was actually very dramatic. I was in a wheelchair for a year. I wasn't talking about you. The kids. For f***s sake, follow along, lady. You just said that my son's going to get in my car because they can't see over their dash? That's not what I said. I said because... Do you not understand what I said? What is happening? That's what I am asking. Listen, I'm close to f***ing... I'm close to just f***ing calling it. And I hate that because I've called it in a few episodes recently. And I really don't like that. I really don't like that. I want to get through. I want to get through, but there's so much left here.

1:17:59And you are incapable of comprehension and having a conversation. You haven't actually said anything. I've recommended at least what to cut back on and how to at least manage your finances. Yeah, I totally believe that. I'm believing it so much right now. I can't even believe how much I'm believing it.

1:18:21What the fuck is on? Oh, Navist Records. Naviest Records. Okay. Rewards. Sorry. Text is small. Whose? Yours or hers? Who's in the Navy? You're in the Navy? I thought you were in the Army. Okay. That's. Are you okay? Huh? That's. See, like you're good with numbers and can't read? It doesn't have anything to do with service. It says Navy. It's rewards. I thought this was a special Navy card. It's an old Navy card. Oh.

1:18:54That makes sense. It says on Navy, so I was, you know. Makes sense. I was going to say you're the wrong kind of gay for the Navy, so. Hey, son, we have$401 on here. Whose is this? Is this yours? I just said it's mine. Okay, you're going to Old Navy? Great.

1:19:18$500 is the total line. You owe 401. Fees, 41. Again, with you and your fucking fees. Dude, I can't. I don't. You're never going to get out of this. You can't even just pay a minimum monthly payment. They're only late for like three days and then I get fined. Okay, it's hard because my personal income is on a daily basis. I don't get like weekly, biweekly stuff. I make money every day. An monthly payment is$56.24. 16 months to pay off. purchases. No, I don't think so. But there's interest and there's fees because you can't manage a single f***ing thing in your life. There it is. Fees. Interest.

1:20:03It's all charged on second page. Woo! Yippee!

1:20:13We'll see what they can do.

1:20:17Next card, USA. I'm done. This is just, oh my, this takes 17 years to pay off. This is insane. This is hers or yours? Hers. 2 ,000, this is at least interest free. 2 ,396 dollars and nine cents. The minimum monthly payment of, well, I don't know. I'm going to say 100. So that's what was paid last time. Nothing's paid now because it was paid. But it's a 0 % for now. Maybe no minimum payment is even owed on it, and they just want you to go to the interest-free period and close it out. I don't see when it's done. What's up with this card? Do you know anything? It's my wife's. It existed before me, so I don't know.

1:21:09So we did not talk about that card? No. Right. Okay, Premier Bank card. What about this? That's mine. Tell me. that was opened along with credit one also high chance of approval that's okay that's the highest limit I have 400 500 500 500 500 500 400 shut the fuck up it's literally 400 stop being a moron it's 5 on the app they probably lowered it cause you suck yeah Because there's a fee, you f***. That's probably why. Oh! You purchased$479.48. Because the limit is$500. You'll die! You'll have$393.82 minimum monthly payment,$30. That's what. Oh, f***, I'm done with you. I don't know how you've survived this long.

1:22:16I don't know what you're yelling at me. Probably because you're only ever with someone since 18. This is the highest debt that I have. That's not true. It's your attitude. It's your f***ing attitude. Good. Be offended. I don't give a f***. You're offended means nothing. Amazon. Etsy. Amazon. Monthly fee. Bulls. Bulls. Holiday Inn. Bulls. Abilson's? Maybe. Afterpay. Afterpay. Afterpay. You're f***ing paying your afterpay on a f***ing credit card. That is accruing fees and accruing interest You're paying debt with debt You're paying debt with debt It's supposed to build my credits Good luck to this household Good luck to this fucking household For sake, man Good luck Good luck I threw my pen Need another pen

1:23:10Okay, Sephora Who's the Sephora? You saw my wife, do you think it's her? No, I did think it was a man. That is true. Okay. We are at past$237.

1:23:27Sick. How? What? It's because you've only ever been with someone. You never had a moment of independence. That's not true. I might require a diagnosis of child, and you might need to get divorced. And just go live on your own. to learn some independence i have you living on a military base doesn't count i did not live in a military base i own my own house i bought a house what when you were deployed and getting dittled no after my divorce what which one the second one rude what do you mean i wouldn't know how would i know i lived in a house by myself and i raised my kids on my own and paid my mortgage Like six months.

1:24:12Okay, you've never been independent. It's better than you. You've not been married and you're my age, so. When are we supposed to get married? I don't know. It's probably because you're just pissed off all this time. No, when are we supposed to get married? You should at least. Do you not get laid? Is that what it is? I do pretty okay. Well, good for you. I'm at the median marriage age. You literally just looked it up? Yeah, because you pulled out something. Does it make you feel better? Well, I like to know facts so I can live in the real world. Caleb. Yeah, you're right. Usually the median first age for marriage is 30.

1:24:53So instead you did it three times by then. Yeah. And pumped out kids with people you didn't even like. Good job. They made my life better. Everyone look to this one. Moral superiority princess. Here she is. This is who you guys want to be

1:25:15Sephora So you can be the femme one Sure I gotcha I really hate these categories These labels Is that a thing here? What? Is that a thing for you? What? Like you have to label everybody You seen this show? It's all I do It's all I do is make little jabs That money That money That money McDonald's You've done it all for yourself. Well. Uh. Pass me to. It's so stupid. What concerns me is, again, you do have a kid. If this was just you. But you have a spouse. You have a kid. And they're all getting pulled into this bull. $201.43. The minimum monthly payment of$48. Tapping your fingers? Are you bored?

1:26:00You bored? You're not getting anything? No, because you won't be receptive for a single thing. Are you training for her later? I don't know. $201.43. That's the same amount. No, you went... Okay, I'm really glad you made your purchases without even making a f***ing payment. Well done. $37. The fee is$4.20. That's for the wedding, by the way. What? The purchases? Yeah. When did you get married? In August. This isn't a statement from August, you dumb tit.

1:26:34Well, I'm saying I opened it in August. Congratulations. I don't give a f***. Your known payment and your purchases were last month, not in August. Late fee and then purchasing Sephora.

1:26:50Really trying to hide your age there, I can tell. You need some. You stress too much. Bet I got a better skincare routine. You stress too much. I am stressed. And it's for f***ing you. It's for your kid. and extra stress in this episode because you're not receptive and you're kind of a little... So it's... Yes, the C word. We all use it. I'm just returning your energy, so... I didn't get upset until you started not being receptive to anything. I'll be receptive if you have substance. We haven't been through your finances yet to end anywhere. Okay, carry on. In fact, I think I'm only halfway through.

1:27:33Carry on. 32 % interest. Mattress firm. Her or you? Her. Great. Why'd you pick the butch one? What made you choose that? I'm sorry, what? What made you pick the butch one? Extra value meals are back. That means 10 tender juicy McNuggets and medium fries and a drink are just$8. Only at McDonald's. For limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California and for delivery. What do you pick her? What do you mean? She's great. Where'd you guys meet? In the military. We're in the same unit. Huh? We're in the same unit. Are you able to be in the military without other people in the military?

1:28:28I'm technically never in the military. I show up like three days a month So I don't know what that's supposed to mean Thank goodness you get disability for the rest of your life Yeah $120 is your minimum monthly payment

1:28:51Okay So this better be a really comfy night's sleep That you guys get, yeah? That wasn't bought with me That was bought with her ex-wife Oh, for f***ing sake. Yeah. Well, who has it? We do. Hate it. You have it. We have it. I sleep on it every f***ing night. And you hate it? Hate it. Why? It's so expensive. Because it wasn't bought with me. Who cares? Is it comfy or not? Previous stains that I'm sleeping on. Are there? You don't look? You don't spend$8 ,000 on a mattress. This is the s*** I'm saying. Like, okay, yeah, my spending accrues, but it's like$80,$200 there. But who buys an$8 ,000 mattress?

1:29:29They did. Um, it's a zero percent interest. I could never. Well, you wouldn't be qualified. I seem really bad. Yes, but even if we were together and she had, there's been instances where she's tried to make ridiculous purchases like that. And I say no because it's not justifiable. Half the time. Well, what the fuck are we going to, how are we going to make it to the end then? Okay, so you have to sleep on the ex's mattress. Well, good. I would rather you have the asset than not. I guess. Is it comfortable? That's fine. Okay. I wouldn't have paid that much for it. Probably not. Mattresses are overpriced, but you can get better deals online typically.

1:30:08I mean, she went into a mattress firm. That's when you know it's bad. And you deal with a salesperson at a mattress firm. She's so great. Which one? My wife. Okay. So we're already feeling weird about our current wife. No, it's not weird. It's just hard to tell her no. This is going to go so well. Sometimes. This is going to go so well. This whole existence you guys have together is going to go so well. All right. What do we have here? GECU.

1:30:4316.85%. Balance,$14 ,622. What is this? Please tell me this is like a car or something. It's a loan. It's just a loan? Just a loan? It's a consolidation loan. For who? For her. Oh, my gosh. She needs to be here. She needs to be here. Okay, well, tell the president that. What is he making her do? I don't know how it works. Well, she works for him, so she can't just up and leave. Do they not have to get to travel? She's not deployed, right? She's not deployed. She can't leave. She's on mission. Oh, she's on mission? Mm-hmm. Okay, fine. Okay, personal loan,$14 ,622.60.

1:31:3016.85 % interest. This is so fucking crazy, man.

1:31:38What's even the minimum monthly payment? Like, 480. 480, yeah. It's 4.02. Okay, I was closed. Relax.

1:31:49I'm basically done with you. I'm in 62 cents.

1:31:58this pen sucks we took it out to pay off her credit cards we well i had a hand in the decision it was my idea and i thought it was a great idea had we not kept the same behavior but we did and also we spent like$2 ,000 on Christmas. We hosted. It was our first married Christmas together. And you lost. Okay, that doesn't mean anything. Who cares? Well, it means something if it's the last.

1:32:36I don't know, man. I've honestly just given up here. I mean, I don't. This is fucking crazy. you're kind of crazy you just now figure that out no no i just unfortunately have to sit here

1:33:01what are you having a great time no i'm having a great time okay so you're both so you actually don't give a oh i'm waiting for you to give me substance you don't give a single f***. You don't give a single f***. You don't care. So shut the f*** up. Okay? If you don't give a s***, I'm not spending time with you. If you don't give a s***, I'm not spending time with you. Okay? I'm f***ing done. I'm over this bulls***. You, honestly, kind of a f***. You You, honestly, not receptive. You can't hold down one person. You are not teaching good life skills to your kids. You are going to be financially f***ed for the rest of your life.

1:33:58And I'm done. And the fact that you're just enjoying this. Oh, great. I don't give a f***. Go be in poverty. If that's where you're going to end up, that's your choice. I want to do a wake-up call. I wanted to give you recommendations I'm not doing anything You've just been screaming for the last 16 minutes in here I'm not trying something You're not receptive You're done You're done You're not even giving me anything You wouldn't let me get there And I told you things you shouldn't be spending on And you wouldn't listen I told you I would You wouldn't listen You wouldn't listen You wouldn't listen I'm gonna do a lap I'm gonna do a lap I'm going to go get a drink.

1:34:42All I've been doing is listen. So.

1:34:55I'm going to go.

1:35:01I don't like you. We don't necessarily host the best of the best in civilization. I know you're not looking at me. We're behind a paywall now. Can you tell us how many people you were with while you were married? How many? Ooh. Okay, seriously, it could be worse. Did you really just give me a, it could have been worse when it came to cheating? You're a bad person. I have to back this up. I am not a bad person. You're a cheater. You're a bad person. That's not fair. Are you in a relationship? Good for you. To watch the Financial Audit post show, click the join button below. Hey, Ryan Reynolds here.

1:35:33Wishing you a very happy half off holiday. because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50 % off unlimited. To be clear, that's half the price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. A front payment of$45 for a three-month plan equivalent to$15 per month required. New customer offer for first three months only. Speed flow after 35 gigabytes of networks busy. Taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com.