Financial Audit's Biggest Piece Of Sh*t

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23:51You're just 30 seconds away from being debt-free with PDS Debt. Get your free assessment and find the best option for you right now at pdsdebt.com. That is pdsdebt.com. slash hammer, pdsdebt.com slash hammer. You suck with money, so you download a budgeting app. You start with the classic one, Wynab, but everyone just deletes it because it's way too complicated to use. So you go to EveryDollar. That's Dave Ramsey, the personal finance guy, right? Well, they're going to force you to use it his way. That's not very personal finances. Rocket Money, they got a lot of commercials, but they're owned by Rocket Mortgage.

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24:58It's just a conspiracy. You're just trying to hurt minorities and poor people. He is a minority. He is a poor person. Why his own choices and actions? Why the are we funding people like this? If he can get food stamps, what the when there's someone with even a slight amount of intelligence, like imagine what they could do. What the we do? How much are you getting food stamps? 300 bucks a month. I'm gonna absolutely Wow, this country's We're almost at 250, we're not gonna make it Well, it's better than your psycho military Veterans that go in Shut up, you're not the guy to talk about that You are a scammer If I'm a military veteran Why are you doing like Trump jesters Yeah, well no, I'm sorry, you're the one that's trying to get All these Fox News tidbits on Like, oh, we're employing these people?

25:43Were you trying to get a Fox News invite or something Employing these people? Yeah, oh, this little Trump No, yeah, no. What are you saying? What are you saying? Anyways, I don't you're doing Trump motions But then you like play your body like a gay guy. You'll you you wish I was gay Anyways, this is this is my dress signal right here. This is the you got three chances hammer Okay, and I'm gonna tell you what you got one. What you got one. Oh, what? Until until I'm gonna punch you. I'm gonna punch you in the face. I've a button now If I press it, he comes in here with a gun. Oh, nice. Let me guess.

26:17Your boyfriend? I mean, goddamn. Nice job. Oh, my goodness. You're impossible to have a conversation with. Where's that little, like, powder or whatever? Your little, like, gamer subs. Your little, like, you threw that on a poor guy. Yeah. Right here. Here we go. Oh, you get a free thing of gamer subs. I'm not throwing it at you. Let me see. I want to hit our whiff. Making your energy drinks at home. Oh, God. That way, it is 40 cents a serving of my 10 % discount code. Gamer subs. Link in the description below. Get your free samples. It's free packets mailed directly to you with my code Caleb.

26:45Figure out what flavor you like, then get this, and you make it home. It's 25 cents a serving. It's like making your coffee at home. No more stopping in and getting some bullshit. There you go, Rico. You should call it Good God. I don't trust you. Dragon Fruit Punch? Oh, Jesus Christ. Ooh, yummy. Please don't open it now, Rico. Oh, my God. Come on. What have we got here? Peptides, steroids, illegal Chinese food. How long have you been getting food stamps, Rico? I've been getting it for like three months. This is for you. Just don't open it now. Oh, okay. Three months, but you got fired two months ago.

27:09How have you been on food stamps? What were you making in the sales job? Like, you know, 13. I mean, I was making$2 ,000 a month just on the salary. Yeah. What do we do? Do you get anything else in the government? Well, I'm being told you're being, you have tried to get the hot meals that are delivered to homeless people. I do. Yeah, I do. What? Yeah, because I'm hungry. Okay. You already have food stamps. I saw. And you go out there for 30 % of your spending. I saw. I saw the. Try to stay here, Rico. Try to stay in this conversation. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Let me, I'm sorry. Okay. Actually, what did you see?

27:41I'm just speaking up for your employees. Okay. What did you see? Yeah. They were with me. They were with me. We were standing in line waiting for bread because this. No, it's impossible. Bro. They get a$50 a month stipend. $50 a month stipend? A$15 a day stipend. $15 a day stipend. And you're up here bitching about a$28 a month. Oh my God. And we all know how expensive Austin is. So these. You don't have to go out to eat for a meal. These guys are having to spend an extra$8. You know how much food you spend with$8 if you invest in the S &P 500 and you're 57 years old? First of all, there's five people in this room, four of them make over six figures a year.

28:17Sorry for the one that doesn't. You'll get there someday. Keep leveling up, Mark. I love you. You got this. Keep leveling up. Yeah, come on. Just let him put his legs on your back. So they're fine, plus their$50 month stipend. So obviously, shut the f*** up. But if you're trying to take meals that the homeless people are getting, well, we're giving you$300 a month in food stamps, which by the way, with the H &B meal plan and everything that we have made, mathematically figured out. You can get three meals a day, meal prepped, snacks, drinks, and desserts. And desserts? $300 a month. I think your mom is going to count for dessert.

28:49I'll be honest with you. I hope you're impossible. God damn. Your mom was impossible too. She showed me this move or she lays it in my bag. Let's try. I want to see if you're creative enough to come up with anything that doesn't involve my mom or fat. Okay. All right. Okay. Let's see if you're creative enough. So avoid those for a second. That's all you've been able to say for 20 minutes. Why and how often are you trying to get the hot meals that are meant for homeless people? Every day. No. How does this work? Tell me. Basically, you go on Google. You just look up, I'm homeless, need food. And then - You're not homeless, are you?

29:20Not yet. But I will be soon. We'll find out. We'll find out. I mean, we got Hammer Media. You are - Dude, you got more square footage. You got more square footage than the UFC White House lawn, okay? Dude, you're obsessed with the president. What is going on? Yeah. No, you're obsessed with the president. I mean, dude, if anyone's looking for a Fox News tribute over here, it's your ass. Dude, I've called into Fox multiple times, okay? You've called into Fox. Oh, my God. Last weekend. Yeah. It was one of them. I bet. Well, let me guess. You're just like, yeah, these people spend$28 a month on lunch, and they're lazy.

29:53No, but it actually hasn't been about that, and I'm happy to call in. Some of us aren't millionaires, Caleb. I got here by working the past few years, buddy. Thank you. Working a few years and hiring Mexicans to do all the hard work. I'm sorry that everyone in Austin is Mexican. Aren't we sick of this shit? Us Mexicans, including myself included, even Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Rodriguez over here. She's not Mexican. She's black. She is Mexican to me. Okay, she's an honorary Mexican. Buddy. And I would call into CNBC, CNN if they would have me, but only Fox has called. Let me guess. You'd probably come in your stores if you had Kevin O 'Leary call you, wouldn't you?

30:27I'm sure you're into the AI data centers, aren't you? Into? I'm not invested. You would probably like... Rico, stay on subject, buddy. So you go online, you try to get these meals. Basically, yeah. What does that look like? You Google, I'm homeless, help, even though you're not. Go on. And I say, I'm looking for food. And then they have like an automatic map. It's called Meals on Wheels or some shit. And then you just go follow the truck. But you are taking from people that actually need shit. You are taking from the resources. I need food. The food stamp resources. You can make$3 ,000 a month.

30:58You are taking from this... Okay. is there anywhere else you take? Where else do I take? I mean, I got this shit from Texas. It was like the women Medicare or some shit. What? I don't know how the f*** that worked out. So Greg Abbott, what the f*** are we doing? Thank you, Greg Abbott. Honestly, I'm not going to lie. I f***ing love Greg Abbott. He's f***ing amazing. Yeah, he's giving you f***ing women Medicare shit. What is that? What happened? So basically, like, you know, I applied for it and I tried getting cash assistance. What was it? It's basically like Texas women healthcare. care. I got like a pink card and it has like a health insurance number on it.

31:33So, I mean, I haven't used it yet, but I'll be willing to give you all my free tampons. Looks like you can use it, to be honest with you. There you go. That's a new burn. You like that? You like that? Oh, that's what it is. It's okay. Yeah, we have it here. He qualified for the free health care. His health insurance card is under the Texas Healthy Women's Fund. What the f*** is this? What the f***? This is pathetic. This is f***ing amazing. People like me need help, Caleb. You are getting actually all the help. You're not the one that need help. Oh, yeah, here we go. You're in income-based housing thanks to my insane property taxes in Austin, Texas.

32:10So you're being funded for housing as well. You're only paying$500 a month in rent because we're subsidizing you. That's crazy. How long have you been in this income-subsidized housing even though you shouldn't be? You pathetic one. I'm four months in actually. Actually, yeah. I mean, maybe you could have, I mean, if he gave me a job, I wouldn't be in this situation. I mean, God, I mean, it's on you. You obviously know that's never going to happen. You just met the HR person. It's on you, baby. It's on you, baby. I'll tell you that. Okay, no personal responsibility as usual, Rico. No one surprised.

32:37Okay. Okay. This is what confuses me, though. I'm not mistaken. I mean, I would never talk to you in my life off camera, of course. But I was getting updates. Did you, like, move to Miami or, like, San Diego and shit after our last filming? What happened to you since then? Yeah. What did you do? Oh, my God. I went to Miami like two or three times. You just went to visit. Oh, no. I went far by myself. Then I don't care. It was amazing. But you moved somewhere, I thought. I moved somewhere? Didn't you move to like San Diego? No, I want to. I want to. I want to move to San Diego. You left Austin for a long period of time.

33:12Okay. No, I was told. Don't tell Greg Abbott that because then. Oh, because you don't qualify. So this is like, oh, we have to keep that secret or else you don't qualify anymore. That's the issue. Where did you move? Come on. Where were you? Tell me. All right, I was in San Diego. That's what I said. How long were you there? You couldn't afford to live there. I'm sure California even gave you better benefits than for Texas. It's easier to bum max out in California. Of course it is. I basically just slept at a hostel. Hey, every provider in California that's paying an additional 13 % in taxes, this is where it's going, by the way.

33:45Maybe you should move to here. Beautiful Austin, Texas. How's it going with Austin, bro? Where we still give him some money for some reason. Dude, I thought they say the red states are bad. No, it's f***ing, this is like the f***ing final frontier. It's f***ing easy to get government assistance here. I mean, you told your last trip to San Diego, according to you, was magical. Why? Magical? I mean, I had sex with a p***er there. I'm not going to lie. Okay, so f***ing allegations, stealing from the government, and having sex with p***ers. What the f*** is wrong? Use the app called Private? I f***ing love that s***.

34:16Yeah. It's an app. It's an app. It's an app. It's a website. It's anything you want. European-based, too.

34:25So don't tell Caleb's wife. Wait, are you married? We're not having conversations about my life. Private Delights isn't a thing. Go on Google. Type in Private Delights. Oh my goodness. So, okay. So you were just... It was fun. Which got your Venmo band. It did. How? How'd they know? How'd they figure it out? After I had sexual relations without women... Well, first of all, okay, what happened? So you met up with a woman. Was she attractive? Yeah, she was cute. She was mad. Oh, I don't know if I'm paying for sex with someone who's not even, like, smoking. But either way, okay. I think she was, like, a border hopper.

35:02Where'd you meet up? She was a border hopper. I just met her over her apartment or something like that, yeah. And you went in. What happened? I mean, basically, what happened? Give me the story. Here's the funny part. No, give me the story. What happened? So I walked in there. I'm like, you know, she was super hot. I was like, hey, let's, like, you know, whatever. And I'm just supposed to, like, just have sex with her for, like, 400 bucks, right? and she was so attracted to me she was so attracted to me like she we used to use some strippers like pretend right maybe for people like you but no I'm sure I'm sure I mean relatively I mean you're not a bad looking dude you just are very unfortunately usually turn on but the thing is like yeah she may have been attracted to you but she's not going to give you more god we should talk to your employees about what else you say around here man yeah god damn my employees yeah no your employees are scared I'm speaking out for them.

35:52We got it Mika. I'm sorry Union guys we got a union Rico. So you went in there you there we've raw No, that was Rico not two weeks ago. I did but raw no now that's what you Weeks ago. Yeah, I did. Yeah. Wait, how often are you? At least like twice a week No, you're not where are you finding them? Dude? There's like so many like there's like you there's go private and just find some near you like literally it's the easiest f***ing on the planet. I mean, like, you got 200 bucks, right? Dude, this is very illegal. It's not illegal. They might be trafficked as well, which might be immoral. I don't give a f***.

36:27I'm a f*** with legal proposition if it's okay, but also you raw dumping loads? Raw dumping loads. I love that. That's crazy. No, no, no. Are you raw dumping loads? No, because then that would not be good. But you're having sex with them without a condom? It happens, yeah. When's the last time you've been tested? I think it's actually been like two months, I think, two months. Okay, so why were you banned from Venmo then after having sex with this condom? So after I had sex with her, like, she, like, made me, I fucked twice. Straight up. Twice. Shaboom, shabang. Good for you. And after that, I ended up just refunding it, saying it wasn't me.

37:10And so I got it completely free. So I had sex with that woman for free. And so then afterwards, Venmo did an investigation. And they literally banned me from the app. Good. Yeah, because they thought it was fraud. How are you paying for them now? How much are you spending a month on f***s? Wait. By the way, guys, with his... Go ahead. Tell me. I'm probably at 1 ,600 maybe. That's insane. So we are funding his food stamps and rent control so he can give more money to f***s, by the way, is how this is mathematically working. It's called funding the gig worker. I know you give your little DoorDash driver probably a little spiff about your cookbook, but I actually donate to the Gigacommie, okay?

37:47We donate to you through our taxes, to be very clear. That's insane. So you're fully admitting to a legal... That's wonderful. You wish. I wish you did. Didn't you say you would support if it was legal? Log in to private... Show me. Okay. Have a little peek. Have a little peek. I didn't used to go through people's phones when we filmed with Rico the first time. and now it's a different day it's a different era there's a lot I want to go through I'm going to go through most of it on the post show in that thing called hammer elite that he was talking about are you in? what are you doing? you're like swiping shit okay why aren't you signed in?

38:27sign in yes Rico so when your job sees this and fires you I think that will be fair so your income will be zero and will probably get you on unemployment which is actually really pathetic that we would even do that and support you like that. Greg Abbott, please watch this and please, please, please, please, please. Greg, I'm going to stand up for my right. Get him off the programs. This is absolutely insane. Like that photo? It's his back. I guess that's good. Do they choose or do you book them no matter what? You just choose the city. Austin, San Diego, Miami, Oklahoma. Ooh, I like that one. Wait, are you sure?

39:03Do you book yourself? yourself? I've asked about it. I've asked about it. Well, why are you getting reviews? No, I should give you a discount sometimes. Oh, such an incredible experience with such a beautiful girl. Oh, that's reviews you did. Yeah. You're leaving reviews? Of course I am. What the f***? You know how to leave reviews for Uber driver? Made me crazy when she answered the door in her lingerie and her body is tight and fit and beautiful. Oh my gosh. There we go. There we go. This is crazy. This is good. He actually is. Yeah. I mean, this is better than your comments section. I'll tell you that.

39:34Okay, and there she is. That's what he's into, I guess. Yikes. No offense. You wish. I wish what? What do I wish, Rico? You wish you could have mamacitas like that. No. No, it's not. No, I don't. Okay. Doesn't that look good? Isn't that something you want to be doing? Yeah, dude. This is crazy, man. No. No, because this feels like a quick way to like AIDS. No way. I'll find out when I get tested. You call yourself Drake. Here it is. Here's his email and phone number bleeped out. But hey, my name is Drake. Just trying to look for a gal. Hope you like my body pics. Good death. Yeah, you like the body pics?

40:15I take ashwagandha. Honestly, I'm trying to get to your messages, but I don't know how the site. No, you message them like on your phone or whatever. So like you just, you basically like submit like a request to get screened and then you tag your phone number, your email, and then you reach out to them. What is FBSM? I don't know what that is. Okay, I'm just going to do Escort, right? Because that's... Okay. This is crazy. Oh, my gosh. Oh, bleep those. Those are actual tits. Oh, yeah. We got some Russian prozies over there. Aren't you afraid of them being trafficked in a moral? Like, that's why I want...

40:52I talk to these women, and they say that they're completely fine with it. Brother, you think that's true? Some of them got saved from Ukraine. They were like, oh, yeah. Saved by who, and now what are they paying to make sure it continues? It's a handjob or a hand grenade, you know? Handjob or hand grenade, I'm not going to lie. So it's up to them. Brother, this is crazy. I bet you've messaged this one. Let's see. Let me see. Have you messaged this one? She's the attractive one on there. Oh, no, she's expensive. I think she's like$600. Fuck. How do you know? How much is that? How much is it? He does know the number.

41:27He knew the number. That's her f***ing number. Yeah, she's expensive. You can get a handjob for$200 to make a hot Russian woman. And if they like you, they'll let you make out with them. Wait, that's it? Just handjobs? I thought it was the f***. Well, that too. But$200, handjob,$300. But you're not going to get a hotter woman, per se. For sex? Yeah. You can't pay$1 ,000? $1 ,000 is too much. I mean, unless you're having a Russian orgy, then okay. But I'm not dropping that type of thing. Okay, he just added one today. A burst pipe. A dead water heater. The AC calling it quits. Who do you call? HomeServe is an easy way to handle unexpected home repairs.

42:10With plans covering stuff basic homeowners insurance usually won't. Instead of scrambling for a contractor, you make one call to get the repair process started. Join the millions of customers who trust HomeServe right now. Go to homeserve.com slash podcast for 50 % less your first year. That's homeserve.com slash podcast. Savings compared to renewal price void in Florida. No way. Yeah, he just added one on Snap. Today. He's going to be paying for a problem later. F*** me. Oh my god. Give me my phone back. No. Give me my phone back. Who's this? Oh, hopefully you're not f***ing out. Offense. It's this.

42:49You f***ing this? Yeah, she looks like it. F***, dude. He's paying for all these women. Oh, he just goes through them. There's a lot. Uh-oh, this person blocked you. Uh-oh. What did you

43:04Oh and here's one Here's one that he was meeting up with He sent all this shit She sent the address She showed up And he f***ed her He f***ed the Thick one Oh shit I remember her too So you're really just like Yeah I know That one's from Minnesota That one's from Minnesota Why'd you have sex with her? Oh she's Latina That's number one But she's Nicaraguan She was so f***ing short Bitch This is crazy shit you got going in here. Look, are you just, are you memorizing over there or what? Huh? You memorizing or what? No, I'm going through your shit. No, we'll go through more in the post show because I just saw his Instagram and oh, it's crazy.

43:42Oh, full body central massage is FBSM, I'm being told. Okay, so I don't know, man. This is kind of crazy. You're complaining about, you're on government assistance in every way whatsoever. You spend$1 ,600 a month on profit. That's, it's great. it. You should try it. I mean, Toki does the same thing. It's like, you know, you got to release that energy. You know what I mean? You got a lot of built-up anchor. Okay, so this is the weird thing is like, I wanted to know what you've been up to this last year. You're not telling me very well, but the thing is, you were posting videos and things that were weird, and so we're going to, I want to go through them now.

44:18I haven't seen it. They've talked about it. I've heard the rumors and whatnot. So I need to see what's going on. We'll play these on screen with y 'all as well. Let's take a look. Go check out my latest post. I'm getting into conspiracy tick-tock um my favorite conspiracy so far has been the lost dutchman state park one over in phoenix arizona apparently there's some lost gold over there uh we'll have to go find it we'll do a little trip together a little field trip yo how do i get used on this platform i'm trying to get sponsored by this is really hard uh this is a job i don't have any income coming in besides from food stamps, unemployment.

44:56So if someone could tell me what I could do to bum next, so I don't have to pay my bills anymore and I could just have sponsor me, please just let me know because I'm done trying. That's not funny. It's not cute. It's pathetic. And you should be ashamed. Even at 24, what's... That's like a gambling platform. Oh my... You are just the worst... You are the worst creation. We need to put you down in Minecraft. This is insane. We need to put you out of our misery in Minecraft. This is... I'm monetized on social media. That's the thing. And what pennies are you getting? Three cents. Now come the days of the king.

45:30Shut the f*** up. Hey, the three cents have been put in the S &P 500. It was S &P 500. God, yeah. Shut the f*** up. You don't know what you're talking about. And you were on unemployment too? Maybe. I hate you. I hate our system. I'm done. Cut the whole thing. Let the states run it. This is f***ing insane. Dude, man. Okay, sorry. No, no, I'm not that libertarian. Someone's raising this guy's right hand, if you know what I mean. Jesus. Jesus Christ, Caleb. Yes, it is people like you that push me. Jesus Christ, Caleb. It is people like you that push me to want to slash everything. And then I have to just bring myself back to reality.

46:00And there are good people that deserve things. But this is insane that we go through. Okay, what's the second one? Oh, great job. I'm going to invite you to. Shut the f*** up. I'm watching. Not proud of it, man. Enough to admit it. I blocked out the bar. I have no idea if I paid my$10 tab or not. Oh, shit. I'm not proud of it, man. Enough to admit it. I've been on unemployment for three months. and I'm proud of it, man. I'll admit it. I don't want to get a job. That's not... That's... It's not funny. It's not funny for you, but for me it is. Okay? Merry Christmas in July, you jolly motherfuckers.

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48:22Let him learn. Oh, my. Yeah. Yeah. Just commit fraud and go to jail. That'd be wonderful. It's so easy. I'm learning from the best. You are disgusting. Who's the best? Who? Who? This show teaches you how to scam the system. Guys, this is why I'm a bum axer. Why the f*** do you want to go work anywhere, make 50 grand a year, get taxed up that ass? No goals? Bum max. So what? For what? What's the life you're trying to live? Move to Mexico. This shit's the same, but I want to bum max while I'm doing it. It's like being a jabroni, you know what I mean? It's like you smoke a little J, you go, you sing away.

48:56Yeah, but how do you afford the J? You still have to pay for it. We got to request it from the government. That's what you're... You're not going to... I don't think that's coming. You get a request, you got to be like, I didn't work. no money underneath the table, blah, blah, blah. It's a seamless system, okay? We're just on different ends on the wave. Okay, let's watch the third one. Yo, guess who just got f***ing tan mofos? I did not go to sleep last night. That does not stop me from enjoying a white cloud, okay, fellas? Such a loser. I love that. We need to be on top of the f***ing world. We need to be on f***ing prednisone because we accidentally fell asleep by a tree that one night and got severe acne in my legs.

49:36But let's kill it. That was a night. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Whoa, hold on. Okay, so you're an actual pathetic loser too. No, no. You're just like out there falling asleep in a tree because you're like taking shit? I was practicing. Practicing what? Because of your ass. When I get my benefits canceled from people like him, I might have to sleep by a tree. I might have to knock on his little dory over here and I have to be like, yo, yo, yo, yo. What's up? Texas you will be shocked no you wish yeah the only guns that I got the red shirt are right here ah you are the worst look at that watch the final I'm on ashwagandha last one prostitute for like two hundred dollars and then she let me f*** her and make out with her so it was kind of a win-win she's hot anyways um hope I don't die of AIDS anyways um waiting for my uber to pick me up uh it's like four o 'clock in the f***ing morning uh anyways I want to thank the government for paying for that prostitute.

50:33Thank you, Obama. Yes, it's true. And he's fully admitting it. I didn't even see those. That's crazy. That's what bumaxing is, okay? Either you enjoy it or whatever. But I'm being told you're also gay-maxing. What the f*** is gay-maxing? I don't know. I was told you were gay-maxing. What the hell is that? I mean, I might have no... You have a lot of gay guys hitting on you. So you're trying to gay-max? Okay, you got it. What does that turn out to? So I What it basically means is you take advantage of the fact if someone's gay and then you basically get like free shit from them But you gotta like you gotta like you know, you have no more you got it you you gotta be careful Okay, so I know what's gonna not not everyone's like you.

51:18They're not just gonna you know That's the thing though. I'm scared of gay guys. I'm I don't like what they're aggressive dude I don't want to be around them, but say no stand up for yourself have some kind of Agency to say no. Well, dude, that's the thing you got to be dude. You actually have to be clear say no my dude my Neighbor, dude, he's a weirdo. So like I cuz he's gay. Yeah 100 % but he I get cigarettes from him I like cities and I was like yo, like can I get a cig? He's like sure and I'm an open person I go and talk to anybody right? I don't give a but like the moment you talk to a gay guy, they're just like, oh, you want to me?

51:58Don't you? I'm like, no. Okay. You just say no. Cause that's the thing. Then that's what I realized. Like, oh, I can just take advantage of this. Like I can just be like, but that doesn't make the gay people bad inherently. Yes. If they think you're flirting, ask Jesus. I don't know. That's, that's kind of sure from a religious perspective, but I'm just saying out in society, no one's going to most, they're likely not going to you if you say no. So just say no, make clear. Well, that's, they'll be respectful. Typically. Okay, so like this is like If they're not, they're a bad person And don't hang out with them So like this is like How much of a psychopath I am Like honestly, here's the thing If I go in and I'll be like Hi, I'm a straight guy Can I get a cigarette from you?

52:36Or can you like bring me to the airport? They're not going to want to do it After like the fourth time, right? Sure, of course And that's fair, you're using it But if you just like Kind of keep yourself like You know, closeted So you're playing it You're playing it Then you face the consequences No shit, if you are If you are They're showing a little crack thinking they're going to get in the hole. They obviously think at some point they might get in the hole. Yeah, but that's fair. I don't want them to get in the hole. No shit, I wouldn't want them to either, but I would be very clear and not take advantage of them.

53:05But I don't think gay guys are bad because of that. Yes, if you lead someone on, they think they're going to fuck you. Or you fuck them, I don't know. Well, that's the thing, though. That's like the first thing that goes in their head. Like, they're just like, fuck. What do you think gay guys do? That's just all they do. They're just, fuck. But yet you're going to get AIDS before all of them. Thomas, you're a f***ing Maxine. Freak? Goddamn. You wish you could be me. I think you're just jealous. At f***ing Maxine? Yes, you're jealous. No, I don't want those STDs. You're jealous of the fact that I have more fun than you.

53:36What do you do all day? You go sit around, like, f***ing reading. Reading is good. You don't like reading? Reading is good for the brain. Look, reading was a readumentary skill I lost back in third grade. You lost in third grade? I know how to talk to people, okay? Do you? You've been bad at this conversation so far. You go down rabbit holes like none other. Okay, so I'm also being told that you want to move to San Diego again, right? I do. So maybe that's where I'm trying to get you. I'm trying to make something productive here. Maybe that's where I'm trying to get you. And you're considering only fans maxing?

54:08Why does everything have to be maxing in order to do it? What? Oh, he has another beer. We're not going to put that on camera for monetization reasons. Yeah, why not just drink through it, buddy? Let's just drink through it. No, no, no, no. Not right now. I want you to answer the only fans maxing question. Yeah. Oh, what's up with the fans? I'm being told you're considering that to make your move to San Diego. Of course I am. Yeah. Like, after all this, like, game. But you're going to have to do some things, and men will be your subscribers. That's fine. I don't give a f***. It sounded like you gave a f*** there for a bit.

54:37Well, like, it's different. If it's, like, in person, I'm like, all right, no. No way, no way, Jose, right? No way, Jose, you're not going to get in the hole, right? But at the same time, like, if they're behind the screen, you got to know your audience, Caleb. Just like how you scavenge everybody in your little app. Yeah, your little app. You got to know your audience, right? I know a lot of guys. We provide value, and if they consider it valuable, they stick around, and most do. I know a lot of guys are going to want to see this physique, and they're going to want to see what else I got underneath, okay?

55:07I have to say this based on everyone thinking I'm a gay man, which is okay, I'm not offended by. I will say I am not a gay man. Did you just hear me say I'm not? I was preferencing. You're preferencing. You've got a preference. It's okay. Listen, but I, look, I'm not a gay man, but I can also tell from a societal standard, yes, besides your personality and you taking people without their consent, you are a societal level, attractive physique person. So you will get paid subscribers. Thank you. I appreciate the confidence boost. Here, I want to throw another idea at you. So like, here's what I'm thinking.

55:44But I'm being told you're considering trans maxing. That's an idea. So what is that? What is trans maxing? If I put on a wig and like I put on some cheat cheese or something, you know what cheat cheese are? I don't know. I'm assuming tits because you did this. I'm sure I'm going to see you in the old LF subscription. You can like dress like a girl and then like these guys are just going to pay you, right? And you got to know your audience, Caleb. And you got to know your audience, right? Just like how you got your little app or your cookbook, whatever. I'm going to be cooking with gas here. Like I'm not afraid to make money any way I need to.

56:17Okay. That's the whole point of... So what do you think your financial score is 0 to 10 today? 14? No. Okay. Are you trying to be silly? Stop. What do you think your financial score is 0 to 10 today? Come on. Probably 2. Yes. Thank you. And I'm sure it probably went down from last time because it doesn't sound like you're doing very well. It's amazing. What is? I thought this was financial audit. Your life, you can't go anywhere. I'm going to go somewhere. It's called ideas. Well, if you want to figure out your hammer financial score, take the assessment for free at CalebHammer.com. It just takes a few minutes.

56:47to see where you stand. And again, it's free. You see where you're doing well, where you're doing poorly, calebhammer.com. And if you don't want to be like a guest who ends up on the show and you want to know where your money is going, make sure to download the DollarWise budgeting app. It's a free trial. See if it works for you like it does for tens of thousands of monthly active users. And then like most of them, take the annual version because it saves almost 50 % and you get the budget-friendly meal plan signed by me mailed directly to you and the digital version of the cookbook as well. That will all go to you if you're an annual version, dollarwise.com, dollarwise.app.

57:14Link in the description below. I was trying to type boobs in the calculator. Comedian, man. What do we got here? Okay, so you definitely sound like you're open to the gayness, by the way, from everything you said. So I need to know if you're a kid. They put chemicals in the water and make the freaking fries gay. Okay, great. If I can get you to do a job, what would you actually enjoy doing? Because are you sure you're even going to enjoy sex work? Because you might have to do things you don't want to do. Because that's what a f***ing thing is. Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, like, the only thing I wouldn't be doing, I'm not sticking anything up any hole, okay?

57:48They might want you to, though. I'm not doing that, okay? Nothing like that. But I'll dress up like a furry, you know, Mo. I might, you know, drink a little curry, like, you know, whatever. That was such a wrong thing to say, but whatever. Okay. So, listen, again, you are making$3 ,000 now, but I highly doubt you're going to be at this job for long. You lose every job, and, I mean, well, I mean, this episode exists, so good luck. luck. And then somehow you'll actually be on unemployment again. But this first thing, I have catch app stuff. I need to look at your catch app app, I'm being told. Oh, geez.

58:19Money app, Clover, Grants, Float Me, True Finance, Earn and Tilt Dave, every pay advance app. F*** me. Okay, I need to start seeing them. Start pulling them up. Start pulling it up. Do you want me to download them or what? Well, if they're your apps with balances and that's where things are. I'm not paying that shit back. What do you want me to do? If you use every single one, then you're never going to be able to use anything again. You're going to be banned from Venmo. So what? Who gives a f***? Well, how are you going to pay people at some point? Are you going to accept money at some point?

58:49Are you going to do anything? I might have to scheme Max, you know, go to the black web, get some. You must be obsessed with clavicular, right? I do like him. He's a good guy. Okay. Is he a good guy? I don't know. He's a great guy. What are you talking about? I think he's entertaining as far as I know. I think you could use a little bit of bone smashing. I'm not going to lie. Probably. I think I have to get rid of the fat first, but... Why don't you take Ozempic? Why aren't you taking Ozempic or anything? I don't like shots. Really? Yeah, I'm a little nervous. But you take shots at me. What? That was it.

59:19That was it. I need to see your balances, you pathetic moron. Give me a second. Goddamn. Have some patience. Maybe on your credit karma. If I can get you to go into credit karma, I can see that. What is that, your sponsor? No, it's a place where I can see your credit report. Oh, God. I've never seen this before in my life. Credit karma? Credit karma. All right, here we go. You want to feast your eyes and fantasize. Take a look at this credit score. You do have a credit score. Oh, my f***ing is under 500. Shit. That's not funny. This is actually really bad. I don't know what to do if you're not going to.

59:50If you don't take anything seriously, like why? I wanted to see a follow-up or else you honestly would not be allowed to be on the show right now. This is the follow-up. Exactly. That's why you're here. That's what I'm saying. I wouldn't allow you to be on like this. The first time. Let me get this little whatever the hell this thing is. A microphone. The first time I was here, I did not get a true budget plan set up. And you might not today based on their attitude. This guy claims to be the bill of the bull, right? I said that the first time I was on the show. And he didn't do shit for me, okay?

1:00:22I walked out of here with a slap in my ass saying, get out of here, kid. That's not true. Sexual assault. Where's HR, by the way? Hey, I did not touch it. Where's that? Make very clear. Okay, he's being stupid. Yeah, he touched me, and I was like, subscribe to Elz Machacho. Thank you. Did not touch you. You wish. No, I don't want to touch you. God, what's that chain for? Maybe you're into the BDSM. Does it look good? It's all right. Thank you. What's power pay? Oh, God, that's from my ab surgery. That's from when I... Ab surgery? Yeah, so they freeze my fat, and it made me get whatever. That was it.

1:01:01Okay. All right. I don't want to lean into the gay allegations. Look, stand up and lift up your shirt. Oh, my God. Let's take a look for the camera. Go back. You paid for that? Yeah. That just looks like a normal body. I'll be honest. I mean, I'm drinking a lot of cerveza. Put it down. Put it down. You got nipples. Everyone does. Put them down. Okay. What did you do there? That's a surgery. You took out a multi-thousand hour surgery for that? Yeah. There's nothing there. You want to touch my boob? Also, you have paid$551. What? You have paid$551. $551, that's not bad. No, I'm actually saying, yay, you have paid something.

1:01:43Oh, yeah, that's good. That's good. That's awesome. You got a 15.25 % interest rate for abs you can't even see. What was the actual surgery? Walk me through it because that looks like a normal body. Okay, okay, whatever. So they basically grab Mr. Ice T's freeze gun from Batman, and they freeze your fat. and you're sitting there with immense pain. You're like, ah! And it's done behind of a sketchy Walgreens. But still. Were you fat? No. I mean, I just. What was this? Because that just looks normal. You don't look like nothing happened. I don't know. It's just one of those things. I love infomercials.

1:02:15So I get scammed. And you can't say actually that we didn't help you, buddy. Course careers certification. Course careers is a f***ing nomination to the goddamn allegiance to the United States. What are you talking about? Course careers. Who the f*** is going to hire you off a f***ing certificate? Certifications are great for resume boosters. I certify as a f***ing. How about that? We know that. You are a f***ing. No, a lot of people, we have lots of testimonies from people in the audience who have converted them into six-figure jobs and raises and advancements in their career. Certifications are great, especially in technology.

1:02:49Can I get a certification to be the host of this show? Because I think you're not doing it right. I think you're bad at this. What are you doing? Thank you for your feedback. You got a little chapstick over there? I get dry lips. So do you. Look at your lips. Honestly, people, we want a real host. I mean, this guy sits there screaming at people like, I mean, I want a real host. I barely even screamed at you today. Goddamn. Yeah. Yeah. Save your lungs for your girlfriend when you get home when you scream at her for, God forbid, spending$4 extra on a potato salad or whatever. We have money. We can spend it.

1:03:23That's the point. Whatever. Okay. Let me guess. You're going to buy some f***ing American food? What do you guys even eat, by the way? You're not even American. What do you guys eat? Favorite food is sushi. Sushi. And McDonald's. McDonald's. But we can't have McDonald's, so sushi. Yeah. Sushi is not bad. Wasabi. Okay. So you've actually been making payments on this at a 15.25 percentage. Basically. that's impressive thank you that's the first company he's given me by the way because you're actually making payments which for you is a high point but you're actually making the payment now it's because you're a little employed now not making much but you are a little employed you won't be soon but then your unemployment will be paying for it listen it's only 66 bucks a month you should be able to make the payments here it's a little difficult I'm not gonna lie what well yes when you spend 1200 hours a month on property yeah but that's like essential I mean like it's like a life force Why don't you jack off?

1:04:16I don't like run solo. You know what I mean? I mean, I get it. Sex is more fun than jacking off. Yes. Why don't you jack off instead of paying for it and getting AIDS? I mean, are you trying to help me or some shit? What the hell is this? Guys, as you specifically just said. I don't know. Sometimes, like, I'll take a lot of Adderall and I'll, like, jerk myself off. And, like, I'll lose so much weight from doing that. And it's fucking. What? I'm not going to lie. Walk me through it. I guess. This is called not gay. This is goon maxing, okay? Oh my. Take a bunch of Adderallel. Take, okay, orange, I call them orange candy.

1:04:53Okay, take a bunch of orange candy and then when you take it. How much? How many milligrams? I take a hundred. I actually am getting my re-up today. Is that a lot? I've never taken, I'm being told that's a lot. Is that a startling amount? Okay, I'm being told that's a startling amount. Look, look, look at the people you hired. All of them, all of your employees seem to know about this shit. I'm not judging. I'm not judging. I'm just saying. Me either. I don't really care. So basically, I mean, I take like 100 milligrams Adderall. Oh, shit. 10 milligrams is like the normal. No, that's like a lot.

1:05:24That's like max. And you take how much? A hundred. Oh, oh, oh, then what? I mean, I'll sit there and then I'll just like, you know, look up some like videos or some shit. Maybe a little two girls, one cup. Who knows? And then like, I will like sit there. I won't finish. but I'll turn off the air conditioner. So it gets like 80 degrees in my apartment. And then I'm like good maxing. So I'm not finishing. And I do it for like five hours because you're just focused. And then I'll lose like 10 pounds of sweat. Wait, this is like an actual workout. This is a weight loss thing. This is, this is, I think you should try it.

1:05:58Wait, this is, no, no, no. You're being serious. I'm being a hundred percent. Hours jerking off. This is why I came up with the idea of doing OnlyFans. Even with a loop, how is it not just raw? I mean, dude, it's like easy. I just, I mean, just don't go too hard, you know? Like a hundred milligrams of Adderall. How's your heart not like broken at that point? Dude, I got a heart of steel, baby. Can we get our blood pressure monitor for this man? I kind of want to see it. Hey, it's Kelly Rowland. You may not know this, but I have eczema. So I get how it can steal your time. But why let eczema take over when you can talk to your doctor about EBCLIS?

1:06:32EBCLIS, Lubrikizumab LBKZ, a 250 milligram per two milliliter injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema. Also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies. EBCLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you are allergic to EBCLIS. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems.

1:07:03You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with EBCLIS. Before starting EBCLIS, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Paid partnership with Lilly. Respect your time. Ask your doctor about Epclus and visit epclus.com or call 1-800-LILLY-RX or 1-800-545-5979. Let's check that real quick. I'm actually getting my Adderall today. I get it every day. And you go through it too soon. Oh, dude, I take like, that's the thing about it. I only take, I have a 30-day prescription, but I take all of it in 10 days. So I have a 20-day break, so I'm good. And what's your milligram prescription?

1:07:37Two 15 milligrams a day. So 30 milligrams a day. That's already crazy, isn't it? Yeah. Yes. Dude, but you triple it. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'd take a bunch. But then you got the 20-day relaxation where you come off it. Yeah. I think that's the German side of me, if you know history. Are you on it? Right now. No, no. I'm taking it after this shit. This is you without it. So if you call me, I'm going to be doing this. And you literally jerk the peanuts? Jerk the peanuts? Yeah. Just for three hours? Dude, it's insane. Five hours. And you lose weight. We can actually do it. We should do like a video on it.

1:08:16I don't know. No. That's insane. Dude, if you guys know for a fact. Yeah, keep that arm out. If you take Adderall, like it just makes you want to like goon, right? And so like that's what happens. Well, people kind of like crazy, right? Yeah. No, that's not surprising. But I don't like that it's a weight loss thing. And I am concerned for your health. like actually listen I hate you and our society should probably not tolerate you but nope don't move that arm okay but like I am concerned for your health let's check your blood pressure blood pressure let's check your blood pressure hold still what does it say Rico just error okay I think it has to be a little down and then you need to be loose I need your arm to just be loose Reek a little Reek yeah I think that's right And then I just need your arm to be loose.

1:09:06Why do they call it an aura ring if it gives you no aura?

1:09:14Sorry. I'm already getting manhandled by this guy. It wants him to see it's selling him debt, which it shouldn't in his position. We have great personal loans at CalebHammer.com for people that can use it. Not for you. For people like me who are good with debt. Talk about a hypocrite. It's not a hypocrite. I've always been pro good debt. I'm pro credit cards. I'm pro good debt. I'm pro consolidation. I'm pro bankruptcy. Relax. Oh my God. It's funny. It's an error. Cause you're moving. Stop Rico. Oh my God. What's up? You're going to meditate. Just breathe in, breathe out. I don't want you to do it.

1:10:01128 over 86. Okay. you're fine. Look at that. That's probably the most health care I got all year. You're young and your body's healthy. Just I'm concerned with you and the amount of medications you're taking. And I will say this for what it's worth. He is applying for jobs. He's getting email notifications about the jobs. Now in the email notifications that I went through while he was taking his blood pressure, he was getting denied for dogs. Jobs including being a professional dog handler. He's being denied every job. The most basic jobs you can imagine He is being denied for. Okay. Let's try.

1:10:35Let's see. I need to collect your other ones as well. Um, on here from your credit. Ladies and gentlemen, I got something new to help you that we have personally built right here on Calebhammer.com. We have three new Caleb Hammer financial resources. They are the ones I would personally use, which is why we made them for you to use. As you've already heard me talk about, personal loans are okay when you're good at debt. I personally use them when I can leverage them for a situation. So we have good personal loans on Calebhammer.com. We also have auto insurance now. You can check for free and see if you can save a shit ton of money on auto insurance.

1:11:14And then to close it off for now, because we're building more, we have a debt relief program. You've seen how hard it is for people to get out of debt on this show. This makes it so much easier, but only if you're actually ready to change. Remember, none of this actually matters if you continue the same bad behavior. So it's not for you if you still suck. But if you've proved you can budget, check out these three programs from personal loans to debt relief to car insurance to see if you can save a shit ton of money across the board. Go to CalebHammer.com or the Caleb Hammer Financial Resources part of the pinned comment or description below.

1:11:47Starbucks is bullshit and a waste of money. And you already know that by making your coffee at home and investing the rest. So now you need to do that with your energy drink as well. Make Gamer Subs at home for just 40 cents a serving. And honestly, it literally tastes better. And we proved this accidentally via a blind taste test in our Hammer Elite show, Fat and Fatter. The number one ranked energy drink is Gamer Subs. Literally, the cherry flavor is insane. Listen, you can also get free samples to see if you like it or 10 % off your order at gamersubs.gg or click that link in the description below.

1:12:25Type in code Caleb. So when's the last time you f***ed the first? two weeks ago. Jeez. How much did that cost? $200. And you f*** her? Yeah, so she let me f*** her. So basically... If someone offers me$200 to f***, I know they have AIDS. I mean... Like, there's no way that person's clean. Didn't you, like, buy your girlfriend, like, a$10 ,000 Chanel bag? Oh, for Christmas. It was like her dream. She's always wanted the bag, and I was like, I got money, so let me go. You say I'm a scally wig. I pay for these girls, too. You pay for your girlfriend. I mean, it goes both directions. I paid for my girlfriend.

1:12:53I was giving her a gift. The thing is, you're paying for sex. but you went raw? Rico, that's not good. I did not know that. At some point, you didn't know you were raw? Well, because I was supposed to just get a handjob and then she was like, I really like you. And so I started making out with her and then she's like, put it in me. And so I'm like, okay, I'll do you a favor. Do me a favor. Yeah, happy birthday, right? And then I didn't realize at the time I didn't have a condom on and I was like... How do you not know that, buddy? I'm in the moment, okay? I'm in the moment. Okay, so I have Loan Express.

1:13:28What's this? Oh, geez. That was like a... Payday loan? That's a local bank. It's only 2 % interest, but you just took it out. Yeah. 22 days ago! What did you take out$398 for? Not a huge interest, but it's stupid. I actually think I might have... No. You what? No. Say it again. You think you may have what? You took out a personal loan to... Oh, my... Dude, it's good. It's good for your health. It's like spirituality. Yeah, sex is good. Maybe you shouldn't pay for it. Beat it, bro. Yeah, sex is good. It is. I'm not anti-sex. You are anti-sex. I'm a gooner, not for five hours. I am a great gooner.

1:14:05That's just why I'm going to start my old fans' career. Actually, I don't actually gooner. This is what we use as a word. Dude, it's 80 hours a month. You borrowed this to go fuck up. Maybe. You are pathetic. Dude, they sent me. You're pathetic because, you know. You got me. You got personal loans. Like, oh, my God. Talk about rage bait. What are you talking about? I'm going to. I've been pro good debt forever. I got you, Hammer. It's time to drop the MC, okay? Because I got you right where I want you, okay? Have you ever heard the term, the nail hits the coffin? Well, guess what? You're offering personal loans on your website, but your finance base - I've always been pro that.

1:14:41What the f*** is that? What are you talking about? I've always been pro-good debt. Like, okay, this is like how much of a f***ing stupid idiot you are. Like, I want to f***ing hurt you. Like, I'm being 100 % serious. Please don't. I want to slap you and get your ass back to Cherokee land. Goddamn. Okay. I don't really take offense to anything, but I'll tell you what I'm doing right now. I'm ordering myself a lunch wrap for after filming because I can afford it. You can't because you're poor and you don't budget your money. Maybe if you go on download favor, that's like the HGB delivery app. You get a two for one special.

1:15:14Just like how I did last week. Dude, you're getting denied from every job that you're applying for. Do your current employees even know you're applying for jobs? You're pathetic. You suck. Shut the f*** up. F*** you.

1:15:25$398 out on that's what you bought for a pro. Because you're a f***ing freak. That is crazy. Whatever. Sick. Good response. Affirm. I actually paid for the iPhone reason that. So this iPhone. I stopped paying it, by the way. Really? Why? Well, because I don't have any f***ing money. What marks is that yet? That's the problem. I don't have any f***ing money in this economy. Dude, you make money. Oh, so you must have just stopped paying because the most recent month is good. Yeah. But now is not the most recent month that's reported on here. No, it's not. It's in collections. No, current as of April.

1:16:02That's impossible. It's not in collections. No. You probably have a different thing in collections. Or it's internal collections maybe because you haven't paid for it yet. Well, I'm just going to declare bankruptcy. Honestly, that's like my real plan. I'm not going to lie. If I declare... Bankruptcy is bad though for you because you haven't changed your behavior. My credit's already... No, f***ing me. Because you haven't... I don't care about your credit. Because you haven't changed your behavior. that got you here in the first place. So you're going to be back here again. That's like, you should not use the personal loans because you would then end up with double the debt.

1:16:27It is for people. Bankruptcy is totally good. Vowed there for a reason. If you change your behavior. What makes you qualify? Talk about this shit. I've done it myself. You have done it yourself. Yes, I started this because I did this very same path myself. I don't believe you. Great, very good. I need your approval. You're like, I want to be the millennial Dave Ramsey. Yeah, I'm the blue. I decided to upload. Yes, that is how YouTube channels start. And then like, you know what? You know what's funny too? It's like you got your personal loans. Why do you do that? Buddy, I've already explained it.

1:16:52Shut the fuck up. Oh my God. You just fall back on the same thing. You need to start making the payment on this immediately or it'll go to real collections. And this is why you can actually avoid bankruptcy because you don't need it yet. Buddy, we're not even up to$4 ,000 of debt. You owe$898 on here. $898, whatever. Dude, this is shit I can just stop paying because I don't have any money. It's the minimum fee payment so far, buddy. And you do. You are applying for jobs and you'll start your OF. But your minimum fee payment so far are$210. You can do that. Can I? Yeah. I can, but I won't. You can, but you won't.

1:17:30It sounds like a maybe to me. Isn't that right? I'm not doing it. These f*** you too. Oh my God. Call him a jack in the box. That's why. Brandon. Yeah. You'll talk to him in the post show. Is his name Brandon? You can't even get your employees' names right. What? Brandon. Okay. There's a lot of collections. but is it even worth going through? I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, including like cars. Oh, God. I still owe my parents, by the way. Oh, I'm sure you do. But we have an Amazon Chase card. Now, this is an actual balance that will be difficult for you. Now, you made a minimum payment. You made it.

1:18:02Now, it's maxed out. That's why you can't spend. So, you didn't. But the moment you do, you will. Wait, what was the question? No question. What's going on with this card, though? Oh, they call it the credit card or whatever. I mean, I stopped paying that shit. So like I was. No, you just made the minimum payment. Don't stop paying for it. It'll go to collections. I don't want you to stop paying it. Don't. You can catch up so easy. Just make the$40 payment. You're good. Please. Do not not pay. Yo, can we get like, I feel like we need like, I was thinking about this yesterday. I was like thinking like we need to get like a cut scene of like it's hammer time.

1:18:34And then we get like the entire like Caleb Hammer cast. And like you guys are dressed up in like 80s track suits. So why is this credit card all the way up there to the max? Well, basically, I mean, I just needed to pay for. I mean, honestly, I'm not going to lie. It can't all be for p***. You have to spend money on other things. I know you go out to eat. I know your worst thing. I mean, I forgot what I spent it on. Amazon, looks maxing as shit. I mean, I look better than I did last time, right? I'm being told you don't like the p*** in Austin, so I know you spend money on p***. I actually made a joke about that.

1:19:05I did stand-up. You want to hear a stand-up routine? Yes. Okay, let's do it. Okay, so my parents found out p***. They were so upset at me. They were like, how can you do this to us, Rico? You're our little sunshine. And my brother looks at me. He's like, you're a disdain to this family. And I looked back at him. I was like, aren't you gay? So, yeah, that's my little stand-up routine. Okay. And then, yeah. This isn't Gil Tony, but I don't think he would like it. Dude, I'm trying to get on Gil Tony. You know Little Mozzarella? No. I signed up for Gil Tony like a month ago, and I was hanging out with this guy.

1:19:39I think you have to sign him more times. Little Mozzarella? Little Moots? You're saying things. I don't know these things. I thought you were like a millennial. I'm sorry. Probably a year, but yeah. I like to hear your hands clap. Isn't that your guys' song? Very good. So you want to get on that. And I wouldn't tell that joke. No? As someone who watches the show here and there, I wouldn't do that joke. I'm not a comedian, so I can't judge it. This is what's the problem with the left. They don't like you to make fun of other people, right? This is the problem. I'm on the left now. They stop us from speaking our minds.

1:20:11Isn't that right? Thank you. Not on the left and not on the right, buddy. What do you want? Like the middle? Yes, sir. Yeah, okay. No, I mean, I take left-wing and right-wing positions, wherever the facts are. What's like your most left-wing view? Most left-wing view? Obviously, I don't care about trans or gay people. I don't care about that shit. That's not even a view. It is. Many right-wing people don't like it. I like the anti-discrimination laws. I think those are important. Let's see. I think your employees like that one, too. Usually, yimpiism is pretty left-wing, so I'm good with that.

1:20:42What's your favorite conspiracy? I want to hear conspiracies. That's the thing is I'm not into conspiracies. You're not into conspiracies? This isn't an interview of me. I want to hear a conspiracy. What's your favorite conspiracy? Public transportation, big into public transportation. Public transportation. Stuff like that. But then I'm right-wing on it, I guess, because I want to enforce laws and fairs in order to make antisocial behavior. Not on it. Okay, so what got you to the first place? I guess I'm in disagreement. How much do you spend on... I probably spend like$300 a month. What the...

1:21:07I got a guy. I got a guy. So what is it? I've never bought... So what happens? Where do you meet this guy? It's like actually not too far from here. So I meet him in a sketchy little apartment. He drives like a shitty Harley Davidson. And I get there. I'll be like, yo, I need like, you know, give me like 60 bucks worth. He's like, sure. And I get in his place. And like, it smells like absolute shit. Like the most dingy place I've been in my life. But then he'll like scoop it up, put it in the bag. And then I'll test it out. And like, I'll just do it. You don't test it first? No, I test it out.

1:21:41No, no, no, test it for f***ed. F***ed. That's the good shit. LARPing has helped me focus my autism and my Asperger's syndrome. You're going to end up dead, man. I'm concerned for you. Actually, I watched a video yesterday before I came here. Apparently, the army has f***ed lollipops. So they used to give World War II soldiers like - Okay, stop. I don't care. No? No, of course not. I'm talking about you. You spent - How much is$300 a - Probably like three grams. I don't know. Uh-huh. Is that a lot? Is that three grams a lot? Okay, how frequently do you go through that? We confirm you do not do drugs before coming on the show.

1:22:19It's very important to us. I could probably at least do like three. I could probably do like a gram. Well, it's like shitty. So I could do all that. Honestly, I could do all that like right now. What a better dealer. Do you have one? No. No? I don't do drugs. I'm scared. You're scared to do drugs? Yes. Well, let's go to Coachella. I'll show you. I would never be near you. No, I do not need those allegations. Dude, I feel like you could use a trip of mushrooms. Some more allegations? No. I don't think so. You could use a little bit of mushrooms right now. I'm not going to lie. Okay, I'm sure. I mean, that's the thing.

1:22:50If I did, I would be amazing in my job. It would be incredible. I'd be so fucked in and I would love it. And that's the bad thing. That's the bad thing. I doubt it. I doubt it. I think you're hiding something from us. F***ing sex. F***ing sex. Whoa. I was going to say coffee. HR. Caffeine and sex are my favorite. Caffeine and sex. Okay. Delta SkyMiles gold card. What's going on with this? Oh, God. Again, you are current. No, these mofos. You had fees. Oh, God. They were going to sue me. Only once. So when I did the first show here, unfortunately, I got a call from this lady. She's like, I'm with the American Express IRS team, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:23:33Like, we don't have to fool you if you do not pay us. And I'm like, I don't got any money. And so I had to pay$500 a month. To catch up? Yeah, that makes sense. That's insane. Shit. Yeah, your fee was a return payment fee. Do you know why? You know what that means? Yeah, I didn't have any money. Exactly. You didn't have any money in your checking account, so it bounced, essentially. Like, I thought it was going to work. You did end up making a payment in the end, but you did have that fee. You should get, like, a cross on the side of your head, like, a little, like, I don't know. Okay, be in the conversation.

1:24:03You can pay off this debt. I will try to, but, like, I don't want to. I hope so. You're not that far from it. Dude, but this is so boring, though. I just want to bum max. Finances are boring. It is true. Bum maxing isn't. That sounds boring to me, though. Because I want to. Who wants to make your little Native American spinach over rice? I don't even claim the native part of it. You don't. Why not? You could get benefits from that. And that's a bum maxing. Because we get an approved tripod because my grandpa, who was like 100 % native, was a drunk alcoholic bum who left when my mom was like two.

1:24:30A lot of them are. So we don't know. Yes, a lot of natives are very alcoholic, bummy. Yeah. Like yourself. I'm not native. I'm Mexican. Mexican. That wasn't the point. So he's saying Mexicans are just terrible alcoholics. You hear that? Okay. Well, you have a blue cash everyday card as well. What's going on with this? Basically. So like that card too. I mean, that was like, I don't even know. I just basically started paying that off. It's like$21 a month. 21 bucks. See, you know, so there are some things you don't listen. Stop. I don't know if you're trying to be silly or what. Just stop. You can pay this off.

1:25:04You have the, your debt is stacking up now. What are we looking at? Like $7 ,000. That is payable. Bankruptcy is not necessary for$7 ,000. Buddy, there is a chance here for a better life. And they can get you down to San Diego. Not La Jolla, but down to San Diego. You should actually, can you come to San Diego with me? With you? No. Please, please, please. Come on. Let's go to San Diego. I want to go to Pacific Beach, bro. I loved it over there. That's great. Go. I'm not going with you. Dude, I'm like telling you, like your little New York City thing, everyone knew that wasn't going to work out.

1:25:35Charging, charging. Where are you going to, what's your plan, Caleb? Let's talk about you now, okay? Enough about me. Let's talk about you. No, actually, just enough about you. Even more. Let's go straight, Diego. So you have interest being accrued. You're making your payments. It's at a low 6 % interest rate, and I'm glad you're not purchasing. Now, I know there's a purchasing account here. Now, one medical. What's happening with one medical? $400. Oh, from a friend. No, a friend punched you. Wait, what? Oh, and then you crashed. Oh, you crashed out and fell asleep with the ones that got poisoned.

1:26:04What the? No, this He's a piece of shit So like He got mad at me Like me and him Were doing like And like I'm not sure what I said to him But like He started punching me in the face So like I got a little mark In my tooth here Thank god Rico knows How to fight So like I ended up pinning him down And actually holding him I actually know jujitsu By the way If you guys didn't know that I actually know jujitsu So I ended up pinging him I was like What the fuck are you doing Holmes Like Get out of here So he started doing that And he kept trying to punch me in the face So like I just ended up leaving, right?

1:26:37And then I went to the woods like to recollect myself or whatever. And then like I got a bunch of poison ivy on me. And that was the funny part because like that did more damage than the tooth thing over here. So what happened? You had to go to the hospital? No, I didn't go. I'm not a bitch. Well, why do you? No, no. You owed one medical. No, but my mom. My mom was like, mijo, you should go to the hospital. Look at your leg. And I was like. So like I End up having to like you know find a doctor But like this country's bullshit So like the only way I could think of finding A doctor without having to spend$2 ,000 on an Ambulance ride is to go No I mean You had poison ivy You weren't shot I felt like I was shot Caleb Emotionally Emotionally I was So what did you do I got prescribed prednisone and apparently that's just a stimulant if you guys didn't know so that got a steroid right yeah it's a steroid but it gets you like wired so like i felt like i was on adderall and then if you remember what i did on adderall introducing meta glasses hey meta any last minute tables for two tonight sure there's a great italian restaurant 15 minutes away Hey Meta, where's the nearest flower shop?

1:28:00Five minutes away, straight down Broadway, past the bodega. Their lilies are trending on Instagram. Just saying. Hey Meta, am I forgetting anything else? How about setting a calendar reminder for next year? Meta glasses, available in more than 20 styles. So what happened? Anyways, no, that was it. I just got like prescribed or whatever. And then, you know, I didn't stop talking to him. I was like, yeah, I don't want to talk to that guy. Now, speaking of you being shot and speaking of your gay neighbor, why did your neighbor pull a gun on you? Oh, God. No, so, like, he thought I was, like, talking to this girl.

1:28:33And, like, to quote Chud the Builder, like, no offense, but, like, they were kind of chimping out on me a little bit. So I'm not going to lie. Like, this guy, I was, like, talking to this girl at, like, 2 a.m. I was like, hey, can I hit your vape? She's like, sure. Pause. You know him. You love him. Tyler.

1:28:54Back again. Back again. How are we doing this, Tom? All right. So go ahead, start the story from the top. So this guy was kind of chipping out at me. I'm not going to lie. So basically, I was talking to this dude, and like, you get it, right? So this guy, a little more caramel skin, to be honest with you. But I was talking to this girl, and I was like, getting your vape out of my apartment. And she's like, sure. And I'm like being sweet. Like, she's Latina. Like, it's my type, right? But then she's like warning me about her boyfriend. And I'm like, why does she keep telling me about her boyfriend?

1:29:25I ask her, does he beat you? And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, okay. Out of nowhere, this guy is like, who are you talking to? And I'm like, what the f***? Do you make monkey noises? Do it again? You know? I can't believe it. That was, it's closer to the Native American sound. But basically, I mean, I was like, what the f***? So like I'm, I'm calling him cool and collected, right? I'm like this guy. Anyways, so I'm talking to him. He's like, did you get my girl's number? And I was like, no. He's like, give me your phone. And I was like, okay. And so I'm showing him my phone. I'm sitting there.

1:29:59I can't hear vape. And she's like, whoa, whoa. And like the girl keeps screaming at me and him, her boyfriend. And I looked at her and this is what got me up. I was like, can you please be quiet? I was like 1950s husband. Like, can you please be quiet? And like this guy, oh, hell no. And so he pulls the gun. He's like, you better get out of here, bro. And so he pulls a gun at me and so I started running away a hop a fence Like I'm already drunk. I was drunk and I was like, oh shit. So I'm like, this is not a joke So I'm running I hopped the fence like a good Mexican. I look back in the sky like you put a run out of hand I'm not sure I can say the n-word, but you've been running out you nigga.

1:30:35And so they are my Jesus I'm quoting I'm quoting here. Okay. Well, and you said he was chimping out you a little bit. Yeah, I'll see my buddy You're saying that and the N-word not looking good. Look, he called me it. I didn't call him it. But, I mean, I'm just saying. But I jumped over the fence, and then I looked back over. He's just like, you better run out of your d***. And so, like, I just started running again. I'm like, Jesus f***ing Christ. And so, I called the f***ing Austin PD. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. They took, like, all respect Austin PD, but Jesus Christ. Like, let's get the, you know, let's get some situationship here, okay?

1:31:15And so as soon as I leave and cops pick me up, they're like, okay, we're going to try to find him. They escort me back to my apartment. They find this guy an hour later at like 4 a.m. And this dude's in handcuffs. He has like this death look on him with a hood. It's like. And I'm like, bro, that's him. That's him. He's going to kill him when he gets out. Bro, they even sent me a letter. They're like, hey, fill out this information. We'll let you know when he's back out. So like, I mean. Rico's fucked. Dude. We skip it past the party. Ask for permission. That said nigga anyway. Yeah, that was bad.

1:31:51What the f*** is we talking about? That was bad. You could say that. I mean, I don't know what the f***. You could say that? You could say n***. I mean. What the f***? As long as you don't. What is up with these niggas getting comfortable saying it around me? They are. What is happening? We did not tell them. We are on a streak. What is going on? That's Gen Z. I mean. Is it? It is. I mean, your guys' generation, the millennials here. Right one year. Damn. I'm a zillennial. You're a zillennial. I want to be. But anyways, you could say it as long as you're not calling somebody. Is that true, Tyler?

1:32:19No, it ain't true. I mean, you can say it to come from your home. You know what I'm saying? You can say that all you want to. Well, this is my home. I will be honest. I had a racist thought the other day. Just a racist thought, not action. What's the thought? I rented a nice hotel for my grandparents, my brother, my parents. They all had their own rooms. It was great. It was wonderful. We wanted to go back to the pool one day, and we couldn't really use it because there was a group of black people. Oh, shit. Hit them, hit them, hit them. They separated a little, and they each had their own boom box, let's say, and playing different kinds of music.

1:33:05and we tried to get in the pool and both groups were shouting at each other in very fun ways, in friendly ways, but very loudly. Yeah. And we couldn't hear each other and their kids were splashing us and it was the first time I felt racist in a bit. Well, what was the thought? What did you think? I was thinking I didn't like these people because they were annoying the pool. Like, what the f***? We just wanted to enjoy, like I rarely get to see my family. We wanted to enjoy it. And they were literally like, did they own the place? Like why? But they were actually like, they own the place. Like no one else was able to exist there.

1:33:45They were taking up 5 % of the place. I wouldn't recommend Carbondale Cruise Lines to us. If you know, you know. They were taking up 27 % of the space, but make it up 80 % of the noise. Dude, that's hilarious. That's whatever the number is. I don't remember it because I'm not racist. Is it crazy? You're probably like the only other black guy here. I haven't seen anybody else, right? We got three. No, there's three of us. You got three? Yeah, I'm not the only one anymore. Decent ratio. The gays are dropping like flies, but. Yeah. Yeah, man. Okay, so you owe your parents$2. Unfortunately, I do. Why is that?

1:34:19Because of the car or whatever, but I'm not paying them back. I'm not paying them back. The Mazda. The Mazda 2. I call it the Batmobile. Do you have it? I do. Do you run over black people with it? No, I don't. Just making sure he's not racist. This is good. I got you. I'm on your side. What are you saying chimpin' out, bro? Exactly. They were, bro, honestly. I mean, it's like they kind of do sometimes. I'm not going to lie. Who is they kind of do? Who is they? They do, bro. Who is they? Who the is they? Explain. Who is they? The black people. They go out sometimes. They just act too much. You know what I mean?

1:34:50Or it's like, bro, like kind of like, you know what I mean? I ain't gonna lie. There are some ghetto ass niggas out there. Yes. Ghetto people suck. Yeah, yeah. White trash people suck. Yeah, yeah, that's true. I don't know. I want to use another word than ghetto, but I'll call him ghetto. Oh, yeah. I did a video ranking Mexicans, by the way. You should check it out. Okay, Rico. No one gives a f***. I hate anyone that is trashy. Yeah, yeah. Regardless of their breaks. I could agree with that. Yeah. Anyone that is trashy, that's fair. But I would not. I don't. It's just, you know. Say in the end, we're in front of a black guy.

1:35:19Yeah, yeah. I have a lot. It's a little crazy. At least it wasn't a hard R like the other guys. That is true. It's called confidence.

1:35:28You have a debt collector for$91 for a Miami Airbnb. $91. Just pay it. Just pay$91, Rico. Don't get a handjob one day. $40 you owe to a bar. A bar? I'm on it. You woke up drunk at a bar on the grass and you owe him$40. I like doing that way too much. I just go homeless maxing when I get blacked out drunk. It's kind of fun. That's just called being a loser, dude. Are you real? This is real. This is real, my s***. You know what I mean? Okay. I don't like that. I don't like that. Not allowing that shit. Do not say that to Tyler. I don't like that. So we are ending this and we're going to go into the post show because I'm not going to allow that kind of bullshit.

1:36:18What the fuck? Hey, give me some love. I have to film with an extra 20 minutes for him, but I don't know if I should go through the audience. You won't like it if I just, I don't think I do not like you don't say that to the black. Don't say that to my friend. Let's keep going. No, I don't. I won't say it. I just. Common courtesy. Tricking account, you ended with. I mean, you started with negative$18. This is pathetic. It's all Raising Cane's bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Go in and get into bullshit. Farmers market bullshit. Genie member. P. Terry's Burgers. P. Terry's Burgers. Chipotle patrol.

1:36:49Ended his savings with negative$411. Go fuck yourself. You're not budgeting. And honestly, I hope when. You might want to wear this around Caleb just so you blend. Oh, shit. I'm so fucking funny. Okay. Okay, okay. What are you going to say? I hope when the black man gets out of prison, he shoots your ass. Go to the, you know, post show. Join Hammerly, three shows a day, premium shows every single day, six days a week. I'm going to go through his fun phone. I saw some concerning shit in his Instagram DMs, and I'm about to go through that. I can't wait. It's going to be incredible. Apologize to this man right now.

1:37:19I'm sorry for not using the hard arm. Okay, you are a piece of shit. I'll see you in the post show. What a piece of shit. Are you screenshiding so many conversations with people? Are they the people that have accused you? Maybe. They're going to be careful. out and doesn't know what's going on. This is just the message he's sending to everyone. Sex? Is this not creepy to you, bro? Not really. His entire ex-feud is Andrew Tate and clavicular. Unemployed scammer. Being called a fist is a compliment. This nigga. I just launched the brand new Hammer Elite app available on every major platform so you can watch every show anywhere you want.

1:37:55You'll get three exclusive dedicated shows every single day Monday through Saturday. Refer a friend after you sign up and you get an additional 30 days of Hammer Elite access for free. Download the Hammer Elite app by using the link in the description or pinned comment down below. This is the best membership you'll ever join, and that's a promise.