How Is This Possible... | Financial Audit

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24:05You can watch financial audit and get free money at the same time Who would have thought that's incredible check it out link in the description below sign up for time Get that$350 right now in your checking account. So then I pay all the bills with my first paycheck. And then I know that I need to save minimum of$1 ,000 or$800 for my mortgage on my second paycheck. So your paycheck's a paycheck. I guess. Yes. Well, no, because I have extra money saved until I get paid again. Until. But I can't. And then. Like, I need the second paycheck and a little bit of my first paycheck to pay my mortgage.

24:40Oh, your entire second paycheck and a little bit of your first paycheck? Your house poor. Well, just in case. Just in case of what? I don't know. Things happen. No, you said for your payment, you need your second check plus a little from your first. Yeah, because I like there to always be money in my bank account. How much do you leave in your bank account? Like the$1 ,000. I always want there to be that much. And is there always$1 ,000? Not always. So what happens? Why not? I don't know. They just like tap the card and I'm like, oh, shit. So who taps the card? I do. When you say they, shut the fuck up.

25:13It's you. Okay, okay. I tap my card. But after I pay my mortgage, then it's kind of like trying to make it through until I get paid again. But no, you always have$1 ,000 in your account. No, not always. Exactly. So why is it always making it through? Even if it was$900 instead of$1 ,000, that shouldn't be a big struggle to the next few days. Well, because sometimes I, well, okay, so I don't like to look at my bank account. Is that an option? It could be. How could it be? You're literally dying. You're struggling. You just told me you struggled to make it to the next paycheck after your mortgage payment.

25:55How can you possibly not look at your checking account? How is that even an option? Because if you don't look, it didn't happen. I don't know. I don't know. It's just like it's annoying to look at. Like, you know, like when you look and you're like, who spent all this money? And then I'm like, me, me, me. I spent all the money. It's more annoying to look at an account than not have money when we're trying to purchase something. Yeah. It's more annoying to look at her account than not be able to pay for her kids' school. No. Uh-huh. Selfish. Selfish. Okay, okay. Selfish. Yeah. But, I mean, it is kind of annoying to look in there.

26:35No shit. No one likes to actually face their irresponsibility. But if you never do, it'll never be fixed. Never. Not once. And that's why I'm here.

26:51I'm here to fix it. Right. Yeah. You're here to fix it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll be honest. Yes, I'll set you up with tools. I'll put you through our Master Your Money program. You get the premium version of the Dialowise budgeting app. You get a lot of things. Course career certification Fizz card You name it You get it Helium Mobile All the goodies We get you that I cannot After this Actually So good So good So good Spring styles are at Nordstrom Rack stores now And they're up to 60 % off Stock up and save on Rag & Bone Madewell Vince All Saints And more of your favorites How did I not know Rack has Adidas?

27:30Why do we rack? For the hottest deals Just so many good brands Join the Nordy Club to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first, and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. Be next to you every single day and control your spending. I cannot force you to sit down and look at your accounts uncomfortably. I can't force you to set up the budget app. I can't force you to take the classes. I can't force you to do any of this. And look what your behavior has led to. You know what you're doing is already wrong or else you wouldn't have applied to be on the show.

28:04That's how this works. And yet you're f***ing everyone whatsoever spending thousands more than you make on a monthly basis. So what is actually going to change after this? This is not a magical thing. It will change. But why? Because I have a goal. Have you never had a goal? Well, this time I have a real goal. What's your real goal? Why was it fake last time? Your real goal is literally fake tits in a yard. Yeah, that's what I want to do. What was your goal last time? You got a house, you saved up 10, then you like it's gone. That was my first goal. Yeah, but you did it in a horrible way, by the way.

28:30But it happened. It happened and you might be f***ing for it. It sounds like you are because you struggle between your mortgage payment and next paycheck. Yeah, but once I pay off my debt, then I won't have that struggle. How do you pay off your debt if you spend 2 ,000 hours more than you make on a monthly basis and you struggle to make it to the next paycheck? When you put it out there that you're going to like set a goal and you're intentional with it, you can put it on your board, you know. Your board? Yes, your board. Your board. Why don't you actually just put in some f***ing work, you tit?

28:57I will. You will. Okay, so your entire argument is that you will. Yes. Nothing has ever shown that you have, but your entire argument is that you will. That's it. Yeah. No indication that that is actually true, but you will. Yeah. You see why I can't necessarily just believe that and let go of that? It'll happen. Because that's bullshit. It'll happen. Great. Well, guess what? Your house has gone down 10 ,000 hours in value since you purchased it. Why? because the housing market goes up and down depending. Okay. Especially in a boom state like Arizona. You have a negative equity position. Lord, I didn't know that.

29:39Okay. What percentage did you put down?

29:46You don't even know what is wrong with you. I'll think of it. I don't know. Like five. Well, sounds like you didn't think of it. Are you just guessing? Yeah. Did you FHA it?

30:01yes what yes do you not know what you did no i know i know i know what i did so you literally have no equity position in this house whatsoever but it doesn't matter because i'm yes it does because if you enter a situation where sometimes there's a reason that you have to move that's just something that happens that that's rare that's probably not gonna happen but it might happen or two you get financially you have nothing in savings. You're f***ed on debt. You get laid off. And we just had a good quarterly annualized GDP report. But who even knows? The job market's not great. What happens if you get laid off?

30:37What degree do you have? I'm screwed if I get laid off. Exactly. What degree do you have? I actually didn't finish my degree. Oh, okay. What did you go to school for? Business management. Yeah, okay. And accounting. Uh-huh. Great. Yeah. It's just like one time. I know. So what happens if you get laid off, you can't afford this mortgage so you need to emergency sell it and then what do you do? You have to write a check to close. Write a check just to close your own house because you have a negative equity position. Yeah, that would really suck. Yes, this is a position you've put yourself in. That's why I'm not letting you just the I'll figure it out or it'll work because that is not an answer.

31:14You are in a position where not just you but three of your kids are in a beyond risky position. There's not a dual income situation here. Yeah. That's what makes me nervous. No, I don't want that. I don't want someone to move in with me. Really? You're going to stay single forever? I wouldn't stay single, but they don't have to live with me. You're never going to live with a guy. There's not room in my closet for a guy and his stuff. There's not room in my house for one. And this is your forever home. Alright. I don't want to make room for someone. You know, I thought you because you're old, I thought maybe you've own this house forever for a long time.

31:51So I was like, okay, maybe there actually is a dream house. You have been in for a year. You don't know this is your dream house. Yeah, I do. It's really cute. I looked at it. I knew it was a one. Also, I looked at it right now. It's fine. Yeah, it's cute. It's really like a cute little house. It's fine. It's tile throughout. It's concrete floors. Even better. Yeah, 10 years ago. What? It's cute. I really like it. Concrete is not in, lady. It's in for me. It's easy to clean. And my electric bill is very cheap. Well, yeah, it's a tiny ass house. And it's literally, there's one little micro bush in the yard.

32:25The rest of it is just dirt in a single story. It is brick. Yeah, it's crazy. But if I redo the backyard, it looks so cute. And the entire backyard is, shocker, dirt. Yeah, that's why it needs to be redone. With a patch of turf, small patch. It's dirt, dirt, dirt. This is, what a miserable, miserable place. Yeah, I hate it. I don't even look back there. I don't even look back there. That's why it needs to be redone. It's so depressing. That park is all concrete. Look, there's a dog tied to our other dog. Okay, the house is a very normal house, so I don't see how Dreamhouse is attached to this.

32:56Because it's mine. That's why. Because it's mine. Yeah, but your next house would be yours too. And people always move on. I don't think... Okay. Okay. Very good. I don't think so. So, to be clear, you have a negative equity position in this house and you want to invest$50 ,000 into the backyard. Basically, yeah. Maybe it doesn't have to be... Maybe it could be less. You're broken. You're broken. What do you think your financial score is? Zero to 10, zero being the worst, 10 being the best. I'll be generous and say a two. Why be generous? I don't know. Because why not? I'm not saying be negative or be generous.

33:35Just be real. Maybe I'm like a 1.5. All right. If you want to figure out what your financial score is, take the assessment. It is free at CalebHammer.com. just takes a few minutes to see where you stand in the world of money, where you need to improve, where you're already doing great, just check it out. And if you don't want to be like a guest who ends up in the show, download the DollarWise budgeting app. New features being added every single month. Actually, by the time you're seeing this, a big, big refresh and update may have just gone live or is going live very soon. And if you sign up for the annual version, like most people do, tens of thousands of active users for a reason, yeah, get my budget-friendly cookbook signed by me, mailed directly to you, only available through the end of March.

34:13and then it is gone forever. All right. It is time to jump into these finances. Oh, God. Okay. Well, this isn't a big balance, actually. So I don't know what. Okay. So Southwest, 75 bucks. Uh-huh. So here's what happens. I paid off that card. What? Yeah, 75. That's not hard to pay off. And then what? What lady? It's like$3 ,500 right now Oh that's real locked in of you You dumb It's not my fault Well come on Nothing is ever your fault And every time I have a guest on this show It is never your fault Why is it not your fault? Maybe it isn't For the first time ever in this show's history Okay so my sister and her husband Really wanted to The hot one?

35:02No my other one I know She really They wanted to go on vacation um sounds like an emergency yeah so they invited me and another friend to go sounds like an emergency and they they don't have a credit card with enough like they just didn't have credit cards at all we will we will emergency i'm freaking out so they asked if i can put it on my card oh you fucking dumb ass and they would pay me back you dumb ass first of all yeah they're not paying for the entire vacation including your part so you would still put of your part on the credit card, you dumb tits. So this is not, first of all, it is your fault because one, you agreed to it.

35:42Two, you were going there. So a part of your stuff would be on this card regardless. So f*** you. What do you mean locked in? Shut the f*** up, not your fault. This is your fault. Shut up. It's California. It'll be okay. Actually, I don't really understand why we're going to some conference. You haven't even gone yet. Yeah. Oh, die. Yeah, we're going in September. What is wrong with you? It's California. Thank you for fueling the American economy, but what is wrong with you? If it wasn't for dumbasses like you, Who knows who it would be? No, no, no. They'll pay me back and everything will be fine.

36:10Hopefully. I hope. How much do they owe of the$35? Well, my part was like$800. So the leftover. Okay. So it is your fault. You dumb kid because you still have$800 from zero on here. Pull it up. Pull it up. Pull it up. Pull it up. Okay. Okay. Hold on. What's wrong with you? I just don't get it. Literally$75. I was so. It'll be fine. It's not a valid argument. I don't know how you can just keep saying that. Oh, and I might have accidentally put some stuff from Christmas on there, too. Uh-huh. And that's why I had you pull up the card, you dumb piece of... Just a little. Shut. It's okay. Quiet. PlayStation.

36:52Movie theater. Let me start a screen recording. So I think you got like a water this morning. You got some bullshit. Oh, that's the hotel. Yeah? Yeah. You know where they like hold your incidental. Okay. Yeah, yeah. PlayStation. It's Christmas. I think gas. Die. Movie theater. Yeah, expensive for that many people. Food City. Rose Garden. Dillard's. Oh, yeah. What are we doing? Expedia probably to come here. Maybe. I don't know. Yes. Yeah. Unless you get reimbursed for that part. Southwest Airlines. Expedia bullshit. Dumbassery bullshit. Bullshit. American, American, American, American, American, American, American.

37:35That's the trip. Buzz Cafe Beauty Lounge,$235. What is wrong with you? You, not your fault. You, not your fault. Yeah, laugh about it. Cope, laugh away. It's the only way you're going to make it through this. Yeah. Good the fuck. Good the fuck. What is wrong with you? $3 ,503.95. What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you? What's your normal minimum repayment? I don't know, like$75. I don't even trust you, but$75. I'm sure it's at like a 30 % interest rate of stupidity and death and dumbassery. Now, why the f*** could your sister not pay for it, huh? Huh? Because that scares me because how are they going to pay you back if they can't pay for it themselves?

38:24It's because they had like filed for bankruptcy, so they didn't have any of their... What? They didn't have any of their card? They will. They will. They will. You just saw your sister file for bankruptcy, yet you're doing all of this? Oh, why can we not learn from other people? Instead of having to, you have to learn it through your own f***ery. What's wrong with you? If you don't get punished, if you don't go through it yourself, you can't learn from it? You just saw what your sister went through with bankruptcy, and yet you're doing this yourself? Hers was way worse than mine. Poor now, you f***er.

38:56No, this is it. This is the limit of how high they will be. No, because listen, when you said in your statements and what I thought was$75, you've racked it up to$35. So shut up. This is the worst. That is not how this works. No, like this is the worst. No, it is not. Yeah. That is not how this works. It is literally got worse since you applied. It'll be fine. Since you said in your documents. Since well after your first or second call through the application process. Listen, the tickets went on sale and you had to have the money. Went on sale. The tickets went on sale. You had to have the money there to buy them.

39:28Doesn't matter. Listen to your logic. Listen to your excuses. Listen to your coping. That is why this will not be the worst because there will always be something to make excuses and cope and dumb assery about. Yeah. Uh-huh. What? What? I just. What do you want? What? Honestly, a budget, right? But can we add in like vacation? Die. No. You. You have kids. You selfish bitch. What is wrong with you? Seriously, what is wrong with you? That is so selfish and disgusting. of you. You have children. You've promised to pay for their college. I don't know how that's going to happen. You're going to take out student parent plus loans.

40:04Yeah. That's more debt. We're adding more debt to the pile. No, no. It'll even out because I'll pay off this one. The other one. You just like switched around. No, because your debt's worse than I even had. Okay, so now it's, what is it? Like closer to but it's like 42 now and you're about to go again 50 for the f***er. No, no, I won't. 20 for the parent plus. I won't do that. 20 for the titties. I won't do any of that until this is paid off. No, you don't understand what I'm saying. You actual, I'm sorry, dumb. Listen, listen. 20 for student, 20 for tits, 50 for house. Oh, the math altogether is more than this.

40:45You got there. You figured it out, accounting. Well, you didn't get the degree, I guess. But neither did I, so. Okay, you know what? Fine, you've convinced me. Maybe I'll do like 30 on the backyard. You're literally Mexican do-it-yourself. I can't do it myself. Really? It runs through your DNA. I can't do it myself. I'm a pussy. I have no manual labor skills. I don't like manual. I'm tired. I don't even want to do my yard. It takes like two hours every month. I got to work on my yard. But you were born for this. I was not born for this. I'm being racist right now. Let me be racist. Yeah, I was not born for that.

41:27Or I could find. someone who could do it for me. Yeah, another Mexican. I'm sure there's a lot in Tucson. Huh? Someone like who will do it at a very low price because I'm cute.

41:40You haven't gotten them yet. They're not there. There's nothing for you to show yet. You can't like... Right? You know what? My personality gets me kind of far sometimes depending where we are. Yeah, two ex-husbands. Listen, I'm a great wife. Bad picker of husbands. Never your fault, huh? No, I said I picked them bad. I picked bad ones. But you're a great wife. I'm sure you were perfect in the relationship. I'm sure some people could argue their points, but.

42:10Too late feces here so far. Oh, yeah. See, sometimes I forget. What is wrong with you? So sometimes I'm really good at my budget. I put it on my phone when the due dates are due. It doesn't matter if it's sometimes. I'll just interrupt you. I'll just interrupt you. And then sometimes I forget. A budget doesn't matter if it's only sometimes. It just doesn't. You know, when it happens, it's great. But it doesn't matter because you f*** yourself in the next month, in the previous month. Yeah, it's just sometimes I do really great and then sometimes it falls off the wagon. Just because you get no dick doesn't mean you need to f*** yourself to feel something.

42:48But that's what you're doing every other month at a minimum. A budget is not working if you only sometimes follow it. Okay, okay. But from now on, I'll... That's not an argument. I can't listen to that. I can't listen to that. Just stop saying that because that is a pointless thing to stop because you know what that is? That is a brushing criticism to the side. That's all that is. That is an answer because you don't want to push back anymore, but it's not an answer that anyone can listen to, including yourself. I will believe it if and when you do it and I can see it. Until then, you cannot just say, I'll do it because that is not anything.

43:25That is not anything. But some of them I have paid off. What? Some things I have paid off. This went from$75 to$3 ,503. It's, yeah. Shut the f*** up. Okay, okay. You're already talking about going into over 100 ,000 hours of debt. But I won't do it. I won't do it until it's paid off. No, I'm the unadditional debt, you actual moron. Okay. Yeah, go your way through that. It's the only way you're going to survive. Okay, all right. What the f*** is wrong with you? I didn't say it was in addition to this, which, by the way, you're never going to pay this off based on your behavior,$2 ,000 more on a monthly basis spent.

43:57Good luck. The number one YouTube membership just got upgraded. And for this month only, you can join for free. See exclusive shows every day, Monday through Saturday, financial audit post shows, exclusive and uncensored financial audit episodes. Obviously your time 100%, but including fan favorites, audit update, I'm seeing a therapist now. Wait, you're dating a therapist? Personally or romantically or both? Audit breakdown,

44:34and hammer it out. Discipline into your budget, that's what I was thinking. Plus, you'll get access to Hammer Elite Day on January 31st. No other channel offers what Hammer Elite provides. Join with the link in the pinned comment or description below. Submit proof of purchase at HammerElite.com and we'll reimburse you for your first month with a$10 digital gift card that can be spent anywhere in most countries. Sorry, North Korea. This isn't for you. This is how we have to do a free trial on here because the platform doesn't currently offer free trials. It's okay. It's worth it. Yeah, it is. Join HammerElite, the best membership on YouTube today.

45:13We all have that dream trip we've been wishing we could go on. But too often, life, or usually price, gets in the way. That's why Priceline is here to help you turn your dream trip into reality. With up to 60 % off hotels and up to 50 % off flights, you can book everything you need for your next adventure. Don't just dream about that next trip. Book it with Priceline. Download the Priceline app or visit Priceline.com and book your next trip today. Go to your happy price. Priceline. For free. Starbucks is bullsh** and a waste of money and you already know that by making your coffee at home and investing the rest.

45:54So now you need to do that with your energy drink as well. Make Gamer Subs at home for just 40 cents a serving. And honestly, it literally tastes better. And we proved this accidentally via a blind taste test in our Hammer Elite show, Fat and Fatter. The number one ranked energy drink is Gamer Subs. literally the cherry flavor is insane listen you can also get free samples to see if you like it or 10 off your order at gamersubs.gg or click that link in the description below type in code caleb but see when i do my budget right i know there is extra money there sometimes but where is it what yeah you know like okay i bring in 5 000 my mortgage is two my bills are a thousand so then the rest of it.

46:41I don't know. So if I can figure out where the rest of it is. That's what doing a budget is for. You should be able to see it, you moron. All right, please go through Master Your Money. Listen. Okay. Listen, tens of thousands of people have taken our classes. Just do it. You guys can sign up for Master Your Money. Join the community. It's incredible. Check that out, CalebHammer.com. But also, just like, what are you doing? You actually have to take it. I can't just hold your hand through it. I can't force you to do it. You have to do that on your own. And I can't listen to someone who just says, I'll do it.

47:13Show it, prove it, come back. Okay, okay. Yeah, late fees. Like crazy. Now that 35 ,000, 3500s that are 27 % interest rate of death. Oh, my. Sorry. Do you smoke? No. Good. Thank you. Because every single person. Do you vape? No. Usually this bad behavior translates. Yeah, see? All natural. All natural bad behavior.

47:45City Strava, what's going on? Strata. Yeah, that's big. Wow. What a detailed description. I don't know. I just use that one when I'm like, oh, I, you know, need to spend money, but I don't want. Need? You know, some need is whatever. Well, no, actually, if you learn the difference between needs and wants, maybe that would actually be beneficial to you and you wouldn't be f***ed in every way whatsoever. So the card needs to be swiped, but I don't want it to come out of my bank account, so it goes there. And how is that penny fitting you? You know, that also means it's this money you don't have.

48:22If you can't afford to put it on your checking account, it means you can't afford to put it on a credit card. No, I don't want it to go on my checking account. I mean, you told me that after your mortgage payment, you struggled to see if you can even have enough money to make it to the next paycheck. So it's not just you don't want it in your checking account. You can't. But regardless, yeah, no shit because it's$416.83 spent last month after only making the minimum payment. Well,$125.43 of interest accrued. So this went up by$300. Essentially, you f***. What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you?

48:53Why are you spending so much on a card that you cannot pay off that is accruing so much in interest? You f***. Why? It has to. Things have to get paid. Have to. Have to. Have to. Strongly. Going to California, have to. It's already done. No shit, but you're saying have to. Okay. Also, you'll spend more money when you're there, so I'd cancel it anyway. But 16 years, 16 years to pay this off if you do not purchase, which you're incapable of, and if you only make your minimum payments, which so far, at least that's what you did. But we already know from the last credit card, you missed two this year.

49:29Let's see from this card. From this card. Okay. You didn't miss any this year, but you've had almost a thousand hours in interest. By year's end, it'll be 1 ,000 hours in interest this year. Yeah, that's a lot. Yeah, that's a lot. So that's the consequences of, oh, we can't put it on our checking account right now. 1 ,000 hours gone, ripped from you, stolen, gone. Done. Yeah. They need to lower the interest rates. Huh? They should lower the interest rates. They have with the Fed. I know. Following the Fed. It was likely closer to 30. Now it's closer to 27. But even still, you're not going to get a good rate on this card.

50:05I know. And once upon a time, that has zero interest. Salad and go. Oh, yeah. Got to eat dinner. You're a mother. Yeah, cook. No, I cook when they're there, and then I forget to cook when I don't have them. So you'll notice. I just don't want to. How do you forget everything? You forget your budget. You forget your bills. You forget your cards. You forget to cook. What are you capable of? I don't forget to cook. I just really don't want to. Okay, want. There you go. You don't want to. This is a want. Not a need. I don't want to hear it. Okay? Creations Mall. Going in and getting some bullshit.

50:40Roadhouse Roadies. Roadhouse Roadies. Roadhouse Roadies. Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A. Those are our needs? Dinner. Yes, wants. Okay. You know, it doesn't seem like that much at the time. Like they're like, you know,$10,$12, and then boom. Yes, that is what happens. Yeah. Why can't you cook for yourself? I can. I just don't want to. I'm tired. Tired? Meal prep. That's what meal prepping is for. You cook a couple times a week and you warm shit up. Welcome to meal prepping. Use our cookbook. Use the meal plan in the budget class. Well, that's, it's so, it's, is it the most pleasant? Is it always the best?

51:23No, but you're sacrificing for this better life that you're trying to get to. That's the whole point. That's why we do it temporarily. And if you know that you do not like to cook when the kids are not there, then there you go. You found your solution, meal prepping. Yeah, but sometimes I, I don't know, you like forget to meal prep. You know, I try to. You forget again? What is wrong with you and forgetting? Everything is forgetting. Are you capable of anything? Yes. What is wrong with you? Yes, yes. Well, you don't forget when your kids are there. Right. So you shouldn't be, you should be able to replicate that when they're not there.

51:59What? I don't know. I just don't. I. Why? Why what? I don't know. I don't want to. I don't want to meal prep on Sunday. I just want to do nothing. And then that means you also have to do it like on Wednesday or Thursday. Listen, I'm not saying you can't go out to eat at all. But the fact is you're spending all this money that you do not have while you have bad debt, while spending$2 ,000 more than you make on a monthly basis, while not having enough money to make it from your mortgage payment to your next whatever by paycheck. Like, it's just, eating out doesn't fit in there. Also, you're trying to get fake tits to improve your looks, yet you go and you get fast food.

52:37Salad and Go is healthy for you, and so is Chick-fil-A, because I get this out. Sure, but you're already dangling. Like, if you want to get fake tits to, like, bring in the dick, you know? Lose this. I got to do it, too. That's why I can say it. We can touch danglies if you want. That could be genetic, too, by the way. Okay, yeah, but you can also, like, probably cheaper than fake tits. But either way, it doesn't matter. I'm not like ripping on you for it. But if all our money is going to attract penis. It's not for that. What? You just said you want to go around and be like, hey, want to see my tits to everyone?

53:09That's what you said. I mean. That's what you said. Okay. But I like them too. Well, yeah. I'd hope it's also for you and not just other people. That'd be really sad if it was just for you. Yeah. I want them. Sure. But you seem to want Chick-fil-A and Salad to go and Roadhouse Roadies more. Yeah. That was just a movie. Huh? I think that was just a movie. Yeah. Three times? Oh, maybe that was drinks. Okay, okay. It's a bar, dude. Yeah, it's a bar. It's a bar, you tit. What is wrong with you? It's a bar. So you're trying to get laid. You're going out there drinking it up? No. I mean, yes, I like to drink, but I don't.

53:40Not at people at roadies. Well, how do you get them then? I don't. You're not on the prowl? No. Dude, get on the prowl before, you know, like, you're already in the desert. I mean, you said it's Tucson. I don't know. No, but you're already in the desert. You're going to be drier. I might not be technically single, you know. Does it impact you? But I just don't want, I just don't. The dating scene in Tucson is not it. So I'm thinking maybe outside of Tucson, you know. But that's later. That's later. That's next chapter. Pause. Hammer Elite is free right now. But you got to submit proof of purchase at hammerelite.com so you can get your$10 digital gift card that covers it.

54:23Next chapter? When's next chapter? It sounds like your 10 chapters. Can I take care of this one? Yeah, but your next chapter is going into 100 ,000 hours of death for your next chapter. So what are you talking about? Well, maybe I won't. I hope you won't. Yeah, maybe I won't. I would be walking away learning something, but we'll see. Oh, well, you hooked up with someone in Vegas, I'm being told. Yeah, that was fun. Well, there you go. C 'est la vie. Huh? It happened. C 'est la vie? Yeah, it just, you know, it was what it was. I actually wasn't. Was it a stripper? No. No, it was right before we went to Vegas.

54:50That'd be fun. No, I don't think that would be fun, actually. How'd you find this guy? He was a friend of a friend. Oh, that gets messy. See, that's why randos are better. It got a little messy, but that's okay. Why? You know, like when you're in the friend group, then you don't realize like someone likes him and then, you know, you got feelings hurt. And he made a move on you? You made a move on him? No, he made a move on me. But guys do. Yeah, guys want to. Are you surprised? No, I don't know. I don't know. It just happened. Like I literally told myself like he's not coming inside. And then he came inside.

55:25And I was like, well, fuck it. What? Bro, what are you talking about, man? Wait, whoa, wait, what? Whoa, whoa, repeat that? I was reading something. He said, please, you said, please do not come inside of me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, when he, because I needed a ride home. Uh-huh. Right? And on the drive home, I'm like, he, I was telling myself, he's not coming inside. Right? He's not. He's not going to, inside my house. Inside my house. Oh. Inside my house. Hold on. Okay. Like, we are not hooking up. I'm not going to hook up with someone I just met today. Okay. Right? That's not going to happen.

55:58And then we're on the front porch and it happened. Not on the front porch, but we were on the front porch. Girl, you got to use your words, dude. In a more intentional way. And I was like, you know what? It really has been a minute. Like, why not YOLO? There is nothing wrong with having sex. Yeah, I know. But messy and friends. I don't know. I didn't know until the next day. So I... What? I didn't know that my other friends... That you were having sex until the next day? Well, I didn't know that my other friends liked him until the next day. Oh, I didn't even know that. What the f***? You just shouldn't be having sex with friends.

56:28I mean, this is a good general rule to follow, by the way. Now we're not friends, and it's okay. Well, because of this, probably. Yeah, probably. Was he wrapped? Yes. Yes, I'm pretty, yes, yes. We didn't have. Hold on, what? Yes. You're pretty sure? Yes. Hold on. You were walking it back for a second. No, no, no. Yes. Okay. Last 10 minutes of this conversation was for you, kiddos out there watching your mom here. They're not watching. No way they're not going to watch this. Your older kids, your mom on like the top 10 podcasts on the internet, there's no way they're not watching this. We'll see what happens.

57:06Millions of people are learning that you don't even know if your friend wore a condom. Yes, for sure, yes. Which I love, by the way. I love that. For sure, yes. What a show. And see, maybe that's why it doesn't happen very often. Why? I don't know. Maybe wear a condom. Take some dick, dude. Yes. Listen, maybe if you were more focused on taking dick, you wouldn't be going out and blowing all your money on bullshit. The hard part, though, is like, I can't just do random hookups. Like, I don't know you. Yes, you can. You can't let a stranger into my house. And I am not going to a stranger's house.

57:36So what do you do? That's it. No, you meet at a bar first and then you, okay, okay. But like you just met them. You're going to let some random person in your house. I've had my fun. Let's move on. American furniture. Great. Okay. So I thought the 10 ,000 went to a furniture, but we're getting furniture cards. So it was more than that, huh? I had nothing. I had no furniture, no nothing. And so I needed furniture. How did you not have furniture in your other place that you came from? Because. You're with your dad, but you probably still had some. No. How long were you with your dad? Since forever?

58:07Yeah. So when I, okay. So I, when I was still married, we had my apartment and then we moved into right before we separated, like a few weeks before we separated, we moved into his brother's house that was already furnished. So I didn't take any of my stuff, like any of my furniture. I gave it all away. And then when I left, I just took close. Well, this is interest free for now with a$73.68 minimum fee payment. I think it's interest free. We'll see. You make your minimum fee payments only. It takes five years the way you're going if you don't purchase, by the way. I actually need to pay that off like ASAP.

58:44Yeah, I was having a feeling, but we'll probably get to that in the next page. Balance$1 ,966.06. Yeah. Okay, please don't be deferred. Let's see. Lots of fees this year so far, by the way. Why? $111 of fees. I don't know if those delay fees are what. Oh, yeah, they might be. Oh, hundreds of dollars. Hundreds of dollars in deferred interest. Oh. Yeah, it's a plot. In like a couple of months. Yeah. Oh, you're done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I might have to. Mm-hmm. Why did you do this? Dude, you have to make... It's because I had another card that had deferred interest and needed to get paid off first.

59:22So I put all my payments on there. You have to pay$1 ,000 a month to pay this off in time. You spend$2 ,000 more than you make. Good the fuck. But if I don't spend the money more than I make, the money will be... Sure, if you don't do this hypothetical thing that you've been incapable of, then it works. Shut the f*** up. That's not how this works. Like, sure, I hope you implement correct behavior from here. Nothing is suggested that you would do so. Yeah, I don't know what to do on that one. Oh,$1 ,000 a month for the next two months or else if hundreds being added in interest. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

59:57Oh, I know, I know. Personal loan. Oh, at 15.8%. What is this? $12 ,330.59. It is a massive balance. What is going on? So once upon a time, I had credit card debt. Oh, good. Please don't tell me you consolidated. Consolidation is not a bad thing. I want to be clear. Personal loans are not bad. Student loans are not bad. Consolidations are not bad. Bankruptcy. But I can get it as a last resort. It is bad if you don't fix your behavior. I was. I know. Yeah. Look where we are. But that one is 15 % compared. Like my logic was the credit cards were 30. No, it doesn't matter because you have racked up your credit cards again.

1:00:39So you doubled your debt from where it was. It doesn't matter what the interest rate is compared to the interest rate. But when that thing is. If you don't change your behavior, you become double. Yeah, but when that's done paid off, then I don't have that payment anymore. When the debt is done paid off, you don't have the payment anymore. Like it's a monthly payment for like five years or three years. Yes, that is how a debt works. Once it is paid off, you do not have a payment. Yeah. Did you just, did you seriously just tell me that? oh my goodness woman how have you made it this far in life all of that will be paid off in three years those are the dumb ones that have the most amount of children what is happening but listen when that has like a set time to be paid off are you sure we can't send you back to school with the 11 year old when the debt is paid off there's no more payments that's what happens I get it yes the minimum payment same with the car that you paid off same with the credit cards When it is done, it's done.

1:01:33Yeah. What are you saying then? Is there something else you're trying to say that maybe I'm not picking up? Maybe I'm here. Let's find out. Well, so that monthly payment is like$450 ,000. And in three years, it's$12 ,000 that I paid off. And then that's debt that's paid off. Oh, you're saying what is wrong with you? Oh. Yeah, that's how minimum monthly payments work. Okay. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. But it's three years. Do you tell yourself that every night? No, just once a month when I look at it. Okay, you're going to be 41, you tit. You tit, you small tit. It's fine, it's fine. Get it? Because you're flat?

1:02:18Yeah. Which we love the flat naturals, by the way. Don't hate yourself for that. I don't. Good. Good. You don't need to make them feel, oh, not great. Gosh, every time I... You know what? They might not even happen. and I've been wanting it to happen for 20 years, and it might not happen. Every time I've touched a fake tit, I've been very disappointed. I'm like, please. How do you know? Do you ask them, like, are your tits fake? Dude, touch a fake tit, you know it's fake. It's as clear as that. Have you never touched a fake tit? I don't know. Ask a friend. Yes, I have. Yes, I have. Yes, exactly.

1:02:47Women touch their tits all the time. Honestly, I like them both ways. Well, it looks like it's a$461, which is chunky, by the way. $461.60 monthly payment. It's because I wanted to pay it off in three years. Wait, this is the second time you did a lending club loan. Yeah. What the f***? I don't know. Why? So the first time, maybe third time's the charm. No, you're not doing it again. No, I'm not going to do it again. So no third time's the charm. What are you talking about? Or is this the third? No, that's the second one. What was the first one? The first one. The first one, I don't know. Was it?

1:03:20A long time ago. You don't even remember what it was for? The same thing. So you're never learning. You're never making progress. Sometimes life happens. Life happens. These are your choices. This is not life. Dude, a trip to California was not life happens. That was not an emergency. There wasn't a... This episode is brought to you by Indeed. Stop waiting around for the perfect candidate. Instead, use Indeed Sponsored Jobs to find the right people with the right skills fast. It's a simple way to make sure your listing is the first candidate C. According to Indeed data, Sponsored Jobs have four times more applicants than non-sponsored jobs.

1:03:55So go build your dream team today with Indeed. Get a$75 sponsored job credit at Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. I'm relative to go see. What are you talking about? Where are you going to California? A little fun. A little fun. A little fun. You're talking$900. A little fun is maybe you go to the park. No. Yes, that's a little fun. A little fun. Yeah, a little fun going to the movie, seeing the new avatar. And oh my goodness, the new firewoman. Oh, I am gooning. And she's flat as well. And I would stick it in an alien for the first time in my life. Yeah. You what? Okay. I want to go see Avatar.

1:04:34Well, I will allow that little fun. Okay, okay. And she could crush me and I would love it. My goodness. What's her name? Avatar Fire Nash. She could do whatever she wants to me. Varing. Okay. Yes. Played by Ona Chaplin. Huh. Oh. One year older than you. Same. Same. It still works. That's fair. That's fair. Want to know a dirty little secret? And no, I'm not starting an only f***. You're not broke because you suck with money. You just can't see where it's going. If your bank account is empty at the end of every month, that is not bad luck. That is bad tracking. And it's exactly why I use DollarWise.

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1:06:20Links are in the description below. Okay. Wow, 12 % paid off. Well done. Freedom card. What's going on? Hey, and no late fees on that one. That one, some of most of it went on to the loan, right? Okay, then you built back up. Shocker. Who would have thought? Slightly. $608.89 with the$40 minimum fee payment. Purchasing$121 while only making the minimum fee payment while accruing$12.72 of interest. 19 months to pay off. What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you? You consolidated this and you built it up to hundreds of dollars and takes. I forget that it was connected to Amazon. You forget everything.

1:06:53I forget everything. You forget everything. You delete Amazon. Pull up your Amazon. Okay. I will. But to be fair, some of this is not paid on my card. Some of it. Well, when I call it out and it wasn't, tell me. Okay. If it's like work stuff, that's obviously paid on my work card. And if it's coffee, that's my dad. Pull up your Amazon. Please hold. Please hold. Here you go. Yeah, it's Amazon, Amazon. $500 in interest this year so far. Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. What is this bullshit? See, some of it, my dad doesn't know how to use Amazon, so I put his card on there and he asked me to buy stuff for him.

1:07:33Is this a make it feel like you're having contraptions machine? I don't know. That's for his girlfriend. I don't know. I think it's a blood pressure thing. I don't know. Nitro elixir, poor hormone. That is my son's Christmas gift. He wanted cologne. Okay. Military model plan, assuming that's also for them. Professional resistance machine. That's his girlfriend. Actually, it's probably you. I don't think that's for your son. That's my friend's Christmas. That was mine and I didn't pay for it. The housemaid's secret. Oh, that's my secret. Is that one of those goon books? No, no, no. It's my secret Santa.

1:08:07All of that stuff, like the earrings and the bookmark. I did like a cute little secret Santa. Yeah, cute little secret Santa that you can't afford. Well done. That doesn't make it good. Countertop ice maker? F*** you. Oh, see, that was paid with... Doesn't matter. With what? It was paid with a company card. Okay, wire hooks, acrylic pens, Christmas tree skirt. That's all work. Spoon rest stovetop, chunky cotton knit. You got a Kendra Scott bullshit. Christmas. Windshield cover? F*** you. Doesn't matter. Christmas doesn't all of a sudden make it affordable, by the way. It really doesn't. I do not understand that logic.

1:08:41Knitting stockings. You got some caramel, French vanilla pump shit, coffee pump shit. Now lots of markers. You got a black double line, basic body, something. You got a skirt for women, a crown. Halloween. Halloween costumes. Oh my gosh, it doesn't matter though. That doesn't make it affordable. A holiday does not make it affordable. A birthday doesn't make it affordable. Yeah, but I can't just say like you can't have a Halloween costume. No, your kids are actually old enough where, okay, Halloween, and you might be able to do some like, some makeshift shit. But first of all, two of your kids are old enough to work, to be very clear, and get their own shit if they want to.

1:09:18Two, when it comes to Christmas, your kids may be, other than the 11-year-old, even then, are, Sue goes, Hannah, f*** that. You don't have to do that shit, but your kids alone, you can sit down and be like, yo, can't really afford as much this year, we'll try to do as much as we can, we'll double off Christmas next year, it'll be great, mama gotta work, okay? Can. Okay, she f***ed the 17-year-old, whoops, messed up my life. god forbid I hate hooking up but yet I go marry men that I have to divorce every second of our life so clearly we're doing men right but he listen their dad makes a lot of money sometimes good for him that's him and not you I can't have him get them like expensive gifts and then I'm over here like here's your$10 Target gift you know like it's not you can because you have an adult conversation with them as two of them are practically adults 17 year olds about to be and one is two years into adult adulthood, so.

1:10:10Well, him, I only got him one cologne. Well, there you go. See, it's working. You gotta have a conversation, but that all of a sudden doesn't mean you need to do Secret Santa either. I mean, I, yeah. Shut the fuck up. Slate,$40 minute to payment. Balance,$1 ,235 and 15 cents. Four years to pay off. Interest accruing. Purchasing. Absolute stupidity across the board as always. What are you doing? What is up with this card? What are you doing? That one too. I'm like, what did I? Oh my goodness, what is wrong with you? I don't know. I've had that card a very long time. You don't even know? Sometimes, you know, you just spend it and go.

1:10:46Spend it and go. What is Pinkberry? Oh, that's frozen yogurt. Die. Just what is wrong with you? It wasn't even for me. How is that more important than your kids? How is that more important than everything you're doing? Your mortgage, your emergency fund, your security. You've had a late fee this year so far. You're going to have a thousand hours of interest this year with this card. What is wrong with you? You don't give a shit. You don't give a shit. I do. And you divorced the first one because he's bad with finances? F*** you. And now you said he's making more money. Yeah. It's like, what? Okay.

1:11:17Double cash. What's going on? You're certainly not reaping the rewards. That one I just let my son use. Why? He is using it? Yeah. Why? There's interest in cruising, you moron. He needs like gas. Which kid? The 17-year-old. Because he drives the kids to school. 17-year-old. Good. Call him. No. Call him. No. Yes. I'm telling him he is not using this anymore. But it's because he doesn't have Apple Pay and I can't transfer him money. Call him. Yes. Call him. I'm telling him he cannot use this anymore. Mama's broke. Okay, okay. Call him. I'll tell him. Call him. I'll tell him. Call him. What is wrong with you?

1:11:55Yeah, but here's the thing. Why can't you call him? Because he drives the kids to school and sometimes he needs gas and I can't transfer money to him. Why can't you call him? Give him cash. Why can't you call him? Well, technically he's in Mexico right now with his dad. So? I don't know. Call him. I hate boundaries. I don't care. Call him. You're not my favorite. Okay, okay, we'll call him. I know, I know. Minimum's payment. $20 balance,$285.26. I won't swear in front of him because he's a kid. Yeah, he's a kid. Give me the phone, you f***er. See if he'll answer. Yeah, if you double call him. But he is in Mexico, so I don't know.

1:12:32Hi, honey. Hi. Hey, big guy. You can't spend on the city double cash card anymore, okay? Mama's going to give you cash. Wait, what? Oh, is that the guy? Yeah. Oh, I am the guy. Am I on TV right now? Well, you're on the internet, which is better, but. Oh. And I thought a 17-year-old would know that, but you're kind of talking like you're 80. That's fine. Listen, here's the thing. You can't spend on the city double cash card. Your mother was broke. She spent it all on frozen yogurt like a dumb butt. oh okay is that okay uh yeah cool yep take cash from her that's it enjoy mexico you don't have to stay there you can come back we'll allow it all right thank you all right love you bye he's such a good kid i love them so much i hope so well he's getting catalina food touch down something and then some gas.

1:13:35So it's more than just gas. Yeah. It's it. Well, I mean, he does a lot. He takes them to and from school every single day for me and his dad. He's a 17-year-old. I was working at 17. I don't want him to work. He needs to... What? Why? Because I want him to go to school. What? I went to school and worked. Are you stupid? What are you doing? What are you talking about? It's a lot of pressure. That's what I did. It's a lot of pressure. He has really good grades. What are you on about? He has good grades. A lot of people do this. I don't know. We'll see. No, that's a no, by the way. Well, I mean, his dad wants him to work.

1:14:05What? Yeah. Yes, because it is something good. I'm glad I did. I hated it. I'm glad I did it. I don't. Yeah, okay. I learned me to at least work for money. I know. He actually wants a job. Maybe I should have gone to school more instead of working. He wants a job. So he probably will get one. He wants one. Yes, he wants one. What is wrong with you? He's applied for them. It's hard. What am I going to do? Hard? Everyone except for you wants him to work. Yeah. Including himself. Stop being a helicopter mother. You can't even helicopter your own life. It's so hard. Who the fuck are you just to hold someone back?

1:14:39I'm not holding him back. Yes, you're not letting him get a job when he wants to get a job and learn some life skills. I just want to make sure that his grades stay good in school. Which, if they're not, then you start cracking the whip. Okay? Okay. That doesn't mean hold him back in every way whatsoever. People work and have good grades. Okay. I'm not saying he's working 40 hours a week, dude. Maybe he's picking up literally five hours a week, one half shift working lunch on a weekend at Jimmy John's or something. You know, something like that. He's earning a little extra cash to be able to go.

1:15:09I just didn't want him to go in the direction of like, you know, like sometimes you start working. You get a meth addict by working in the back of a kitchen with all the cooks? Sometimes you start working and you realize like, oh, I can make a lot of money right now. No. Instead of finishing school. Because that's not going to be a lot of money. No, what? I don't know. Who has that? I've never heard of that. I mean, that kind of happened with my oldest son. he got into the trade and like you don't need a degree. He's doing great. Yeah, so he did great right away. What? That's fine. I don't think this guy's going to get it being a busboy on the weekend.

1:15:38Yeah, no. Okay. Okay. I just want him to finish school. Yes, he was. Wait, did your oldest drop out of high school? Yeah, he didn't finish. Well, he's doing okay and it worked. I know, but I would be nice. Also, he wants to go into HVAC anyway. He already knows what he wants to do. I don't think he's going to pick. Okay. I know. Sick, dude. I know. I'll be fine. All right. Double the love. What is this? Ulta. That's right. Oh, Ulta. It's not working, is it? I actually don't spend a lot on makeup there. Right, which is why you owe$2 ,280.06. And this one I also paid off. This one I like paid off, paid off, didn't put on that loan.

1:16:15Uh-huh. Once upon a time. Right, but now it's at$3 ,000, basically$2 ,280. So my— Doesn't f***ing matter what it's been in the past. I know. With a$75 minimum payment, you're purchasing$58.62 on this. What is wrong with you, mother? Well, so my youngest went into middle school. And when you go into middle school, you can have a phone. And their dad. They have a phone in middle school? I would never. Yeah, because he takes the bus. And like you need to know. I took the bus and I did not have a phone. Yeah, but things were different. Hold on, boomer moment. Yes, I know. But I would never. Yeah. I didn't think I would let my kids get a phone until high school.

1:16:51And me and my girlfriend, we want to have kids maybe in like a year or two. So, you know, I'm already thinking about that. Guess what? They're not f***ing watching Coco bullshit. No, no, no, no, no. So I just need to know. Well, he's too old for that, I would think. I just need to know. Not having a f***ing device at this day and age with all the insane people online. So he's the youngest, so he might not have, you know, the youngest is a little bit. Dude, that dude is f***ing watching. No, he's not. First of all, he's not. Second of all, he takes. First of all, a sixth grader with a phone, I promise you, as someone who was a sixth grader at one point, that dude is watching.

1:17:23You're giving him free access to the internet? No, he needs permission. Like he has an iPhone, so there are permissions on the phone. Like he can't, it shuts off. You can't go on Google Chrome? He has to ask for permission. To go on Google Chrome? I don't know. Or Stephon? I doubt, I doubt he is. He's watching YouTube videos. He's playing Roblox. You don't know what kids going through puberty do. Well, I drop him off at the bus stop. And so I need to like know because he takes the bus now instead of me. We've all taken the bus. Okay, but things are different. He's there by himself. What? Things are different?

1:18:02The predators are out more than ever? Like, what are you talking about? No, because we need to coordinate. You're the one who picks up 17-year-olds on the road. Okay. And that's, listen, we needed to coordinate. Okay. I needed to know that his little dot. He goes to the bus stop. What is it? Two blocks away? No. Where's the bus stop? How far is the bus stop? So I drop them off. Like, he's far. You dropped him off at a bus stop. Yes. He's fine. He's at the bus stop. Okay, but what happens when I drive away? Is he the only one at the bus stop? What happens when you drive away? He waits for the bus, you moron.

1:18:31It's on a busy road. Oh, you're, no, you're, you're in a, you're an AC 130 mom. You've elevated, you've upgraded. No, but anyways, we, he needs to like call his brother and see where he's at when the bus dropped him off. They, all three of them need to coordinate getting off the bus together. Walkie talkies. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. All I'm saying is just like everyone has survived and it's not necessarily the healthy. We know that kids' mental health is absolutely f***ing through devices. Just f***ing through devices. Instagram for women. He does other things. Like he's not just always on his phone.

1:19:05He's not an iPad kid. Well, it's not just about that. It's literally just so toxic. You can fall into these extremist pipelines. Okay. Anyway. Yeah, your purchase on the, yeah, needed a phone. Yeah. Yeah, which is why we went inside and got some bullshit from the gas station and McDonald's. And the mayor is close. La Bocas. $48.12. Maybe it's a restaurant. Oh, my. And then a late fee. I know. All because our sixth grader needed a goon machine. That dude's going to be a f***ing predator before. Now at the Home Depot. Receive 12-month special financing and free basic installation on carpet projects with LifeProof, LifeProof with PetProof Technology, Home Decorators Collection, and Traffic Master Carpets.

1:19:53Bring a new look to your floors or give them a durable surface that stands up to life's tough messes. Get 12-month special financing on installed carpet projects right now at The Home Depot. Offer valid March 12th through March 29th, 2026. Exclusions and additional charges may apply. For licenses, see homedepot.com slash license numbers. Or you know it. Or like an alt-right school shooter. Who even knows? I would never. I would never. I would never. You say that until it happens. Like you say that until you actually have a kid in front of you. My girlfriend's very set on this. She's much more aggressive about it than me.

1:20:27Much more aggressive about it than me. And see, you have to come to the same page on that because when you have different parenting then. No, I'm allowing it because I think she's right. Yeah. It happens and you have like. Well, listen. I don't encourage your kids to watch. No, but I wouldn't give them the device that encourages them to watch. Okay, 401k loan. Oh, yeah, that happened. Why? Okay, so I saved money for the house, and then I realized that I didn't want to put all my savings in the house down payment. And so I was like, well, you know, I could get like a 401k loan. Yeah, and where is this 401k loan gone?

1:21:02I'm... Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Something happened, and I needed to spend money. I don't know. Needed, needed. I don't trust your need. Yeah. Okay, Navy Rewards. This is a f***ing student, by the way. She owes$10 ,623. What gets taken from your paycheck to go towards that on a monthly basis? $100. And what happens if you get fired and it's called due? I know. Yeah, I thought about that. Yeah, because$100 ain't going to make that move very much. You're not taking advantage of the market as much. Actually, I need to, yeah. Well, okay, so someone had told me like, oh, it's a good idea because you pay yourself back interest.

1:21:32Like that made sense. Yeah, but you're still losing to the market. Wait, so I have a question. So that money that's on the loan is not in the market? Like only the money that I pay back? That's wild. What, that he's busting nuts? Yeah. What are you talking about? This actually blows your mind? They're blowing loads. It blows your mind? In their room? Yes, in the shower, down the drain. There are children being flushed down that drain. I shower in that shower. Yes, you do. Even my old. Ugh. Okay. Well, first of all, I extra wanted a fact check because the answer is no, but I wanted to make sure there was no loophole that you could invest through the market.

1:22:14Leave some of that in because that was funny. Do you still have a balance on this card? Am I writing this down? No, no, no, no. Okay. Okay. Okay. Well, you've had like late shit on it. I know. JPpenny. That one should be very minimal too. Well, it is small, so I don't know why you don't just pay it off. You need to close your cards. I know. You already have a house. You're going to stay in this house forever, so you don't need access to credit. Close your accounts. it doesn't matter. Close your accounts. You cannot be trusted with balances. These two all close. No, all. Okay. $193.32. They're all just holding you back.

1:22:42It's a hammer that is a tool but you're just swinging back and hitting your face. Okay, okay. $30 a minute to payment $193.32 is owed on it. Fees and interest and bullshit. This is so stupid. I know. This one I kept forgetting to pay so I put on automatic payments. A late fee on this with a balance of only$189. I don't even know what this account is. I don't even know what this is. It's not even titled. The Smile Generation. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Prices? Yeah. It's almost paid off to you. Yeah, except you relate. I told you the little ones I forget about. Well, then if you actually budget instead of sometimes budgeting like a dumb$189.40.

1:23:19It's because I wait for the email to come in and sometimes I have too many emails. $41. Email? Open the account, you fool. What is wrong? You're incapable of everything. I don't know how you have survived, how your children have survived. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. For credit. Yeah. Okay. Care credit,$32 minimum fee payment. What's this for at a balance of$984.63? Yeah. See, this is what happens when you have endless debt, no emergency fund, everything that has to happen, like graces or wisdom teeth, is new debt. Yeah. But that's on no interest, and it'll get paid off before the interest ends. I certainly hope so.

1:23:55Yeah. Okay, yeah, because deferred interest is accruing like dick. Oh, there's still more. I'm trying to get to the end of this debt. That's my mortgage. That's my mortgage. Great. a mortgage that we cannot afford that we have a negative equity position in the house. I can. Nope. You literally just said after you make your mortgage payment, sometimes you don't have enough money to make it to the next month. You cannot afford it. $2 ,093.36 on a monthly basis. Yes, this is all your fault. Well done. I'm glad you're figuring that out finally. Because technically I should have$3 ,000 left over. No, there's more bills outside of just a mortgage, you moron.

1:24:29$301 ,799.56. sense. I hope your extremist child that you've given a phone to doesn't come and mass shoot me after I just called his mother a moron on TV. I know. He's a very cute kid. You know this is on YouTube for the rest of forever. Yeah, it's fine. They might watch it at 70. No, very cute kids. Very well-rounded. It'll be nice to see for them what their mother looked like before she got slutty fake tits. They'll remember they're old enough. It'll be good memory. Like, oh, my mom before she was a slut. Before she was a whore. At least I waited until after they were out of the house. No, whore it up.

1:25:06We love whores. Whores are great. I'm a whore. I want to be whore. Whore it up. We love whores. I don't know. Whores is not an insult. Be a slut. That's not an insult. We love it. Do it. Thumbs up. We'll see. Listen, if I want to be a whore, I need other people to be whores so that we can whore together. Here's the thing. I want to, but I just fall in love. You don't want to be a whore. No, I don't. You may hook up, so. Yeah. But be a whore. Okay, your Edmunds appraisal for your car that you've paid off is$3 ,194. Average and out at$4 ,158, but yours has a little issues. You know, a couple of cosmetic or whatever that we got in with your VIN.

1:25:36And Edmunds is the most accurate, so. And eventually after I pay all this, I do want to get a new car. Checking account, McDop. You want to do everything after. Okay, see, this is why it's like, what's even the point of paying all this debt off? Because you're just, you know, you're just throwing it all away. No, it'll be like. You're just going to. No, I mean like New tits, new car But they all have meaning behind it Student loans for the kids Good, you know No, I don't, shut up McDonald's, after pay I didn't even see your after pay But you're paying towards after pay Zelling Okay, so Spectrum's fine It's internet, right?

1:26:11And Iggy's No, Cox's internet Huh? Cox's internet What the fuck even is that? I don't Check the way, Spotify Going in and getting some bullshit Walmart, In-N-Out Rembrandt photo. Oh, senior pictures. Oh my gosh. You're almost a senior citizen and you don't even have enough to survive. Home plate, home plate, Audible, Cinemark. Go to the library, Audible. Amazon, going and getting some bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit! Ranch Bar! Bullshit Afterpay! Bullshit! Hulu Plus, JCPenney, Zellin' it out! One Day Nail Spa! God, let me see. Let me see! It's not here. It's not even good. It's not even worth it.

1:26:57You don't have a life worth living for you. You live in Tucson. Savings has gone down$100 now at$13. It goes in and out. Uh-huh. Service for three bucks. I don't know. Let's see if we can budget this. This is just a mess. You just destroy all your money. I hope I can. I think you can. Oh, we'll see. I think you can. All the faith. Okay. Well,$5 ,000 is our income. We know your mortgage is$2 ,093.36. Let's get the rest of your debt minimum payments. $75.

1:27:38Okay. The rest of your debt minimum payments are$1 ,065.71. To me, so that's$3 ,000 gone already. Gas, electric, utilities, all combined, plus internet. How much? Hold on. Let me look. Big guy. You don't know? Come on. I know. I know. It's mad. Okay. So my internet is like 670, like 65. And then my phone bill is like 20. 670, 65? For what? Huh? 65. 65 for internet. Oh, okay. And then. What is it? What is everything? Mm-hmm. Trash. So how much total? $170. Okay. Including internet? Yeah. Good. Phone bill? That's in. That's in there. Ah. Gas, vroom, vroom, drive, drive. Like$40. Okay. You don't go anywhere.

1:28:33That's depressing. Car insurance? Like$180. Okay. Food. For this house. Okay. $17. So I usually spend like... You go out to eat. Shut the f*** up. No, no, no. Your budget doesn't matter. You're also meal prepping. I don't care. I spend like$200. in groceries. You also got to eat, so it doesn't matter. You don't know what you're talking about. Okay, okay, okay. Just stop. I'm putting you on an actual budget that makes... Shut up. Be quiet now. $800. That's a lot. Huh? That's a lot. Well, actually, because you have them half the time. You're right. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to do$700. TP Fund, anything else for you and the kids to survive?

1:29:07I'm going to say$250, and I'm actually going to bring food down to$650. Medical healthcare. Are there co-pays, monthly basis, anything? Mm-mm. Ain't no medications, no therapy? No. Okay. No, I just stopped there. The kids will need it after hearing this episode. I just ended my thing. Pets? No. Thank you. Yeah, I'm very allergic. Gym? Right now, I think it's like$100 a year, but I've already paid it for the year. But I want a different gym. So I'm going to say like$30 a month. Okay. $40 for subscriptions. Anything else that needs to be in your budget before we're done? No, I don't think so. Can you put vacation in there?

1:29:48Nope. Oh, f*** off, Di. What are you talking about? Let's see where you are. If I can allocate a couple hundred dollars to fun on a monthly basis, you can save it up. Okay. On a monthly basis and choose where that goes. But I would also just take care of the f***ing kids. Okay, okay. You dick. Okay, okay, okay, okay. So it's only$40 in subscriptions. I wonder, that means I'll have to cut like... Yeah, you'll have to cut some things. Okay. Okay. And yes, you have a decent amount left over. Just have to f*** the budget. $3 ,869.07 on a monthly basis to survive. $1 ,130.39. I'll give you$130.39 in fund money.

1:30:27You decide where that goes. Not going to be much vacation, but 1 ,000 hours a month left. If you're 37, that takes 37 months to pay off your bad debt. And then stop going into your pool. Just turn your life around. You're dramatically behind on retirement. You own, you have 401k. Well, actually, your debt's even higher because we didn't have that first card in the calculation. 40 months to pay off your debt, get a fully funded emergency fund, then live 50, 25, 25. 50 % goes to needs. 25 % goes to fun. It can be whatever. Save it up on a monthly basis. Go on a big trip. Whatever. 25 % goes to retirement because you got to catch up.

1:31:01That's what you're doing. Okay. Two years to pay off the debt. Get a fully funded emergency fund. This is not that complicated. Okay. Well, not two years. It's going to take probably like three and a half years. Is there a way to do it in two years? Yeah. That'd be even better. Make more money. Okay. Make more money. Get your raises. Work a second job when the kids aren't there. I don't know. And that's hard. So it would probably have to be like contract job, like you driving for shit, like Uber or whatever. I don't know. Okay. Let's get your Hammer Financial Score. We're going to go to the post show.

1:31:26It's going to be fun. It always is. There's always something crazy. Join Hammer Elite for that. But Hammer Financial Score. Spending a budget. You overspend. Zero out of ten. Debt. You don't have collections, but you do have a 401k loan. That's not great. That's risky. I'll give you zero out of ten for that. Emergency fund, there's 1 ,000 hours, 1 out of 10. Retirement, have a little bit. 401k loan, definitely dramatically behind. 2 out of 10 is the best I can give there. Real estate score, at least you're in the market. What was your interest rate on that house? I think it was like 4.68. Oh, that's pretty good.

1:31:59Okay, I'll give you credit there, but negative equity position, 3 out of 10. Get your Hammer financial score at calebhammer.com. Your Hammer financial score is rounded up to a 1.5 out of 10. I'll see you in the financial auto post show. Join Hammer Elite, three premium shows posted every single day, now six days a week. See you there. You're so like, oh, about like the whole thing, but you used to sell feet pictures. What? They're like, can you put it in spaghetti? Like, no. Caleb, I don't think we really scratched the surface of her travel addiction. Oh, she has trip amnesia. She will go on these trips to Nashville, to Vegas, DC, and just spend all the money.

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