I Can't Do This Anymore | Financial Audit

24:52I will. I will. I can. I just. Can you? Why haven't you done it? It's hard. Hmm. But. So will you then? I will. I will. But you haven't because it's hard. Well, I want to quit anyways because the cruise is coming up and you can't take it on the cruise. Listen. Answer this question truthfully. This will just give us a good, a good, just meh of your financial situation. Your boyfriend. You say you split things. Okay. Does he ever have to cover any of your bills that you're responsible for? Sometimes he will pay my phone bill. Well, fuck you then. You're done. Yeah. Okay? If he already has to pay for bills that you are supposed to take care of.

25:38That's like once in a blue moon. That blue moon must happen endlessly. Okay? Listen. if he is taking care of bills that you are required to take care of already when we're splitting bills good luck you're gonna put two thousand five hundred dollars towards debt and emergency fund i have a kid by a year and a half times period good luck no you're not maybe this time to accept maybe your path is wrong maybe your method does not work and that is okay and you're willing to hear something different maybe you don't have it figured out maybe you were accepted on the show because your finances are dumb i mean maybe so you think just cutting back those three things gets us there even though he has to pay for the bill so you're cutting back all food all vape all smoke all cancer all off you're cutting back everything everything is all gone all gone is it i think how much you spend on fast food in a month i mean that number i cook probably once a week so let's see if i had to guess like 300 i cook once a week so it's 300 does that mean you eat out six times a week um probably yeah how many meals do you eat a day like two two meals a day break or lunch and dinner

26:59i don't know how i'm learning to cook i am learning to cook i was never taught Okay, use our cookbook. Use our cookbook. Everyone out there gets a physical version of our cookbook when you sign up for Simpler Budget, the annual edition, which saves you months of payments anyway. Use the cookbook. I mean, it's just a recipe. Learn how to cook. It's right there. It's budget-friendly, too. It's for a$300-a-month grocery budget. So$300 a month. So two meals you cook once a day. So that means we have two times six plus one for the other meal that you're not cooking because you cook for one meal. And you only eat two meals a day.

27:36Me too.

27:4013 meals we must have. $300.13. So you spend$300. Oh, sorry. But$300 a week you say you spend? No, you said a month. Probably a month. Yeah. Okay. So 13 times 4. So that's 52. Well done. 352. So you spend$5.76 a meal. Your path is very interesting. It's the most interesting path I've ever seen. The path's a little crooked and broken. And so...

28:17I'm learning to cook. It's a process. That's not my point. You say you spent 300 hours going out to eat. That would be$5.76 a meal. What's the last time you went to a fast food restaurant? Even McDonald's and got something for$5. That's actually a meal. They actually have... Pones, sure. They have a McGangbang that I get quite often. What? Yeah, I know. It looks like you've been McGangbang quite a few times. Whoa. So... Ronald just can't stop shoving it in. I'll let him. You're a McDonald, not a whore. I know you like free things, and I'm giving some things away for free right now. And let me show you how to get it.

28:59First, I'm giving you a limited edition financial audit tumbler plus a 30-day trial of Simpler Budget Premium to new users when you buy my four-class bundle. And this trial is normally only 14 days, but I'm doubling it just for those purchasers. And do you just want one class? No worries, you'll still get access to that 30-day Simpler Budget trial. And act now because we're winding down our intro pricing at midnight on April 23rd, So this is the best price you'll ever see on these classes. So if you're feeling stuck or intimidated by your finances, you're not alone. And now is the best time to get started.

29:37Grab your free limited edition Tumblr, sit back and finally take control of your financial future or don't. And you can end up right here.

29:50Oh, by the way, it's been a thousand hours going out to you. So, I mean, go yourself. No way. Yes, wait. $20 on average per meal if you only cook one meal a week, which, yes, makes sense. I just swipe, which is bad, I know. Portions. But if I want something and I have the money, why don't I get it for myself? You don't have the money. You spend$2 ,000 more than you make on a monthly basis. You don't have the money. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? I just, if I want it.

30:28just wanted more than the kid that's not true i do okay i want a kid you don't even know how much you spend on food you don't know how much you spend on any of that you do not get to leave this building until you download the simpler budget app it automates everything it is so simple it will literally just change your life i don't know why everyone in the world doesn't just use it literally download it and again anyone who signs up for the annual version gets one of these Founders Edition signed notebooks and the cookbook mailed directly to you when you sign up for annual. What do you think your financial score is?

30:59Zero to ten. Zero being the worst. Ten being the best. I actually took the test I did and I got a zero. Oh, sucker. And you think you have the path to get there. Eventually. The process. Yeah, the process, guys. It's a process. It's a process. It's a process. It's a process. But you can't describe the process. It's a process. You just don't know what. Figuring it out. What are you talking about? It's a process. Everything's a process by your logic. For you, it's a process. I don't know what you mean it's a process. This is the dumbest thing. If you want to see a fucking process, go to CalebHammer.com, and I'll go through the equation and quiz, and I'll give you your financial score.

31:38And if you have a process that you need broken apart, come down here to Austin, Texas. I'd be happy to have you on the show at CalebHammer.com. I have time. I have time to fix this before I have a baby. We've already went through the math. Lady, I don't... How many McDoubles are up there? Like, is that just like taking all brain capacity away? No, that might be... She got really excited when I mentioned McDoubles. Did you guys see that? This is my favorite place to eat. Uncontrolled. Is it? Mm-hmm. I love it. It's cheap and it's good and it's fast. You spend$20 on average per... Yeah.

32:23Okie dokie! Let's get into the finances because, oh my... I don't know if you'll understand the numbers I am saying. We'll see. Capital One. Just OG Classic Capital One. We're looking at $1 ,847.40 with a $67 minimum monthly payment. Good!

32:53what's going on with this card? What's going on? So I know on that one, I think I bought an Apple Watch on that one, and then I lost it. So I had to buy another Apple Watch. Yeah, for all your workouts? My f***. Okay. Yeah. I am trying to work out. That's why I have to have it, and I use it for work. So. uh-huh you have to have it for work well i don't have the community but i use it i said i use it for work i didn't say i have to have it oh what do you even use it to work for when i'm driving and the guys are texting me and i can just be like hey or respond or and it does track when i work out right because you do not have a phone i do have a phone but you're not supposed to be on your phone when you drive is your car not sentax yeah it does have apple carplay actually what the What the fuck are you talking about?

33:51Apple CarPlay is for maps. It's just easier to just like see it. Great. That's certainly not distracting to respond to. Respond, not just glancing. Yeah, I just need to look. If I need to respond, yeah. Hey, Siri, text. You didn't have AppleCare?

34:11No, I didn't think I would lose it. When did you lose it? How quickly after purchasing it did you lose it? um maybe like five months which really sucked and then i waited another five months and i was like okay no i have to have a watch and so i went and bought another one okay so what's gonna happen the next time you lose that and you drop it in a mick bag and it somehow ends up down your throat i'm not gonna lose it i this one i'm taking very good care of i'm trying to i have a trying to everything's trying to i you haven't done anything but trying to you have to try i don't think you've I've tried.

34:47I've seen your actual effort. I don't think you've tried. There's nothing in here to suggest that you have tried. To be able to use that word, I don't think you're allowed to use that word. Trying? Yes. I think I'm always trying. Or at least always thinking about it. And your trying is a fake version of that word. Always thinking about trying. So, guys, I might attempt to try today. I might try to try to try. When you say it like that, I'm like, I think about everything all the time. Like, all my payments. But you do nothing. But I think about it. That means nothing to me. That's even worse than you being ignorant because you're not ignorant.

35:20I'm not. You know this and you don't make progress by a choice. It's like overwhelming. It is. Yeah, but it gets more overwhelming by you not addressing it. I'm trying. No. No, you are not. We just.

35:38I'm working on it. No, you're not. You live in a delusional world. I know what I need to do. Then do it! Why don't you? Can you tell me why you actually don't? Please, I would love to hear why you think you don't. In your own brain, why do you think you don't? Because you are knowledgeable about the situation and what you need to do, apparently, according to you. I think it gets overwhelming. I think I don't know where to start. You said you know what to do. I know what to do. It's just, like, hard. And then, like, people invite you out. You don't know where to start and you know what to do. Which one is it?

36:15It's just hard. What? To, like, think about, okay, I don't need to do this. I know, but I'm not thinking about, like, I don't want to hurt people's feelings when people invite me out. I'm a people pleaser, so if they invite me to go eat, of course I'm going to. So, you're about to make a trade based on a friend's text. But which you do you listen to? Is it, we could buy a house in Tulum? Get optioning those options. We could lose everything. Or let's do a little research. Get your head in the trade and make the investment decision that's right for you. Learn more at FINRA.org slash trade smart.

37:01You have to go spend money there, though. You can go and get a just drink or something. Listen, you're eating out cost was on average 20 bucks per spot. You don't have to spend that much depending on where you're going. what everyone's inviting you to go to the drive-thru that doesn't make any sense you go you say you say you go to mcdonald's every second so that's not getting invited to go out that's you around yeah that one mean that's not saying someone no that's just telling your boy mc ronald mcdonald yeah this is telling him no and he's not inviting you no matter what you see at night no but that's that's more mcdonald's is more for like lunch break i eat mcdonald's and then if I go home and I don't cook, I mean, Cameron.

37:46You're going to be one of those parents that only feeds their kid McDonald's. No, no way. Yes, you are. You're too lazy to cook for yourself. That's what I'm saying. This is a process. I have to get. Yes, it's a process if you do it, but you're not. You fucking, oh, your terminology and use of words is going to infuriate me. You don't do anything yet. You just try to pretend like you are or that you say the right phrase to get out of some pushback. Shut the fuck up. You can't take care of yourself You think you're going to take care of a kid Yes I think I will be there Why what's going to change that I think I'm going to be a good mom You're going to be excited for the first six months And then you're going to move on to something else You're going to feed them McFries I do move on to like hobbies like that But kids are different Kids that's like all I've ever dreamed about Is like kids Three Three kids But you are choosing McTonnell's over that Because I feel like It's still like Possibly a year and a half away Before I'm even pregnant is this conversation just a repeat fest I've already described how much money you need to put towards it on a monthly basis to get there in a year and a half to pay off everything and have a fully funded emergency fund in order to have a kid in a safe way without them growing up in a stressful financially household like$2 ,500 a month it's quite a bit spend a thousand getting McDonald's that's insane yeah I know Okay, you also spent$134.34 on this card.

39:14Why are you putting money on a credit card that cannot be fully paid off that is accruing interest? You started above the credit limit the month previous. You started above the f***ing credit limit. For f***'s sake, what are we doing here? And we're ready to have a kid. I didn't mean to spend on that card. I didn't mean to, guys, so it's okay. Because, no, no. Guys, it didn't actually happen because I didn't mean to. What the f***? None of these words you say mean anything. Because I took my dog to the pet parlor. I had the money in my account, but they charged my credit card automatically. I think.

39:48I think. No. That's a fucking lie. Or, again, you're stupid. I don't know. Which one is it? Are you a liar or stupid? No, that one would have been— Are you a liar or stupid? I was confused. Are you a liar or stupid? Confused. Liar or stupid are the options. Choose one. Confused. What are you confused about? Because that was a different month. Is your confusion so much that it equals stupid? I feel like we might be going that way. The third option. There's not a third option. What do you mean? What were you confused about? I was confused about which month I was talking about when I brought up the pet parlor.

40:20Does it matter which month you started or above the card? Yeah. So every month you started above the card to card limit and then spend on it. So f*** you would be my response. That just shows it's even worse. You're making my f***ing mouth work overtime today. This is insane. This is so dumb. You think it's okay. and excusable because I didn't remember which ones, which actually means that I f*** around every single month and make it bad every single month. What are we talking about? You know what's wild? It takes me just five minutes to deep dive into strangers' financial disasters, but it took me way too long to finally get life insurance for myself.

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42:12The best part is there's no risk to apply. You're not committing to anything yet. There's a 30-day money-back guarantee. And you can cancel anytime, so join the thousands of parents who've already done this. Protect your family's financial future today. Apply right now in just minutes at meetfabric.com slash Caleb. That is meetfabric.com slash Caleb, M-E-E-T fabric.com slash Caleb. Let's get back into the episode. You ever try to organize your finances while your dog is throwing up on the rug? The doorbell is ringing and your Wi-Fi is doing that fun thing where it just disappears mid budgeting session?

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43:25So go to ShipStation.com to sign up and get your free trial. That is shipstation.com slash Caleb. Let's get back to the episode. I don't know why that one started over the credit. Probably because of interest. I never put it over by myself with my purchases. So maybe interest got me there. But it was not like I didn't purchase something to put it over.

43:53If that makes it any better. No. I honestly, honestly, I didn't even listen to any words you just said there because none of the words you've said this episode have been honestly good. It's all bull. It's all bull. You don't have any sense of logic that makes any sense. I just feel like you're not understanding me. Then explain it in a different way to try to make it breakthrough to me. Try it in a different way, a different way that you haven't done yet. Um, hmm. I have that card. I feel like I was only using it when... No, I'm not going to say that. No, say it. I was going to say that I feel like I only use it when I have to.

44:41But that's not true either. The way I see it is if I can pay off these cards... But you can't. I can. You haven't, and we've done the math, so good luck. I can pay off these cards. Okay. Okay. We can all say things then, aren't you? Sure. Go ahead. Well, I will pay off these cards. And then I have, like, it's not going to take me that long to pay off the cards, I don't think. What do you mean? If I buckle down and do it, pay off the cards. Buckle down, good luck. I can do it. If I put my mind to something, I will do it. I just haven't, like, done it. That is a custom buckle. But it's like my time limit is coming.

45:22It's almost done with school. And then I put a time limit on myself for a baby next year. So maybe that's like what I needed. Motivation. But we know what it takes to get there, which that's my fifth time saying this, which means literally nothing gets through to you. So all of a sudden you're set on this kid. Are you a hobby jumper? I am. And this kid's going to be the new hobby. This is what it sounds like to me. No. That makes so much sense. No. I don't think so. To you, I think it's a hobby. No. I 100 % think so. What are your hobby jumps? I like to crochet. Yeah. And paint. Yeah. Talk about the jumps and how much money you put into them.

45:59You wouldn't know because you don't track your money. I don't. I know I spent quite a bit on painting because I had to buy like canvases and paints and paint brushes. I also tried to do my own nails. So I bought like nail set and stuff. Great. They look like nothing. Well, because they're not done yet. I'm going on a bachelorette this weekend and they will be done then this weekend. Continue.

46:28I bought a hiking app. Did not. For what? I wanted to start hiking. Did you? No. But I still can because I still have the app and it doesn't like cancel until March or something of next year. It's like a yearly thing. Why? Why would you do that? Because I feel like in my mind, if I spent money on it, I was like, okay, then like you spent this money, you have to do it. But you didn't. But I didn't. Oh, girl. For fuck's sake. You're losing me here. You're losing me. What the fuck are we doing? What a joke. What a joke. I had good intentions. You're just jumping. No, buddy. I honestly, I don't know what your intentions are.

47:15I don't think you know what your intentions are. You jump between things. You want to have a kid. It's your next hobby. It's stupid. You started to cut a card with a dog. Shut the fuck up. It is not a hobby. It is to you with the way you do things. That's all I've dreamed about. It's like for real. That's what I'm meant to do. Yeah. All you do is just eat McDonald's every day. And that's what you're going to do for them. My gosh. No, I'm not. And as a fellow fat fuck, I get it. I mean, I love me some McD, dude. No, McGangbang. Listen, I'm not deep enough in the McDonald's lore to have the shit you got.

47:49I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I don't live my life there like you. Okay, look, you take a McDouble. No, I don't even want to hear it. It's going to disgust me. Split it in half. It's disgusting me. You put a chicken in between there. I'm vomiting right now. Make gangbang. $67. Okay, so yeah, your purchases, curbside, groceries, okay. You know, it does cost a little more, typically. There's a little bit of a surcharge. Stop. Can you take that thing off? Sorry. It is obnoxious. It is beyond obnoxious. It matches your personality so much. Obnoxious? Go green botanical garden, snacks and munchies, Taco Cabana, Chick-fil-A, and going in and getting some bull.

48:32Yeah. Lunch. Real important when we have a kid, when we can't pay off debt, when we're starting it above the credit card limit. Yum. That's for lunch Lunch and then the go green Oh oh oh oh oh I can't even like say the words I've said them so many times I can't even like say the words I Are you Like I don't want to make you mad Are you That's okay Don't Bread Bread. Sauce of choice. Condiment. Meat of choice. Yeah. Lettuce of choice. Tomatoes if desired. Bread. Yep. Packed up. Taken to work. Consumed. Wow, we just saved so much money. So much money. And time. And time. You already curbside groceries You already curbside the groceries Yeah, that's really a blessing Curbside I don't know, I guess when I'm like thinking about Or when I buy groceries, it's never like Oh, the food that I should eat instead of going out to eat?

49:56No, but like, it's like Since I don't know how to cook, I'm just buying Like I look at recipes, buy the recipes And then that's like all I can make with that Whatever I bought from H-E-B Why are you even buying at Target? Um, everything. I can show you if you want. Can you show me? Yeah, curbside. Okay. Curbside Groceries and Curbside Target is the best. Okay, curbside. Yeah, so. Oh, so you purchase in-app? In-app and in-store, but I like type my number in. Okay. For return purposes, if you ever need. Oh, good. Trash. Meat. Actually, I feel like her custom cooked meal is spaghetti and sauce, but that's okay.

50:38That's one thing. Listen, it is cheap. I'm not going to make fun of it. I'm not going to make fun of it. You just made it sound so much more learning to cook earlier. Pre-workout. That pre's holding some weight. Ryan. The new.

50:55Kendra Scott. That was for. Kendra Scott. Thank goodness. Good. That was for. I do like to shop, but that was not for me. That was for my stepmom's Christmas present, I think. Fuck your step Are you guys married? My stepmom Oh stepmom Sorry sorry sorry I was hearing mother-in-law No not married to my stepmom Yeah yeah yeah But also fuck your stepmom Because I don't care No No fuck Christmas You want to have a kid Put your kid over your stepmom When it comes to Christmas Christmas That's Christmas You don't care You'll have so many more Christmases Shut the fuck up This is the first year I could actually like do it Endless amount of tampons Do you need tampons?

51:35I know we gotta clean up Clean up after the McGang thing that was pretty funny you just get bags of cheese but nothing else with it it makes sausage wraps that's one thing i do we got bleach and bags of cheese the classic combination endless endless clothes endless amount of clothes also it's the season for all your holiday favorites like a very Jonah's Christmas movie and Home Alone on Disney+. Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. Then, Hulu has National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. We're all in for a very big Christmas treat. All of these and more streaming this holiday season. And right now, save big with our special Black Friday offer.

52:17Bundle Disney Plus and Hulu for just$4.99 a month for one year. Savings compared to current regular monthly price. And$12.1. Offer for ad-supported Disney Plus Hulu bundle only. Then$12.99 a month or then current regular monthly price. 18 plus terms apply. Fix. That's like another subscription. What? Oh, a subscription box? Come on, that can be fun, but that's for people out of debt. It can be fun, but that's for people out of debt. You could totally get clothes cheaper. And also, I assume you have clothes. Do you have clothes? I have clothes. I have clothes in my closet. I just never can find an outfit or put anything together.

52:49So Stitch Fix. What, are you broken? Can you not look? I'm confused. You also have a boyfriend to help. Put him on a mission. It just never looks good after you wear it a couple times. Then don't look good.

53:05I don't want to do that either cool so you don't want to be able to afford to have a kid no I do I don't have to be ugly and have a kid I can be hot and have a kid surprisingly not buying a ton of makeup at Target because a lot of my friends buy a makeup at Target that's because I buy makeup at Ulta oh for sake so how much we spend on makeup maybe like$70 a month if that That's not that bad. This is everything adding up. It's everything adding up. Your math isn't mathing. Yeah. I'm just accruing. I mean, it's 49 bucks just in a single month. I just... You just what? What possibly do you just...

53:49Whenever I need something, I buy it. I'm very... You have a misconception about the word need. You do not need a thousand dollars in McDonald's. I do not. But I wanted to eat, and I didn't pack a lunch. Right. You needed to pack a lunch. Needed. Maybe you should have listened to that need. I don't know, dude. I don't know. Bank of America. Yeah. I just feel like. Call your boyfriend for me. Call him. Let's see if he will answer.

54:32You want to put him a speaker?

54:39What are you going to ask him? It's the quietest phone ever invented. I think so.

54:53Also stop using his real name.

55:04I could text him And tell him to call me back when he gets a chance Hi You piece of shit

55:20Okay Is it on do not disturb? Yes sir do not deserve it so that if he calls back we can hear

55:35so Bank of America $281 $281 and 56 cents not a crazy balance but also I'm sorry that's all they will give me and I paid$300 to have that card Good. Fuck you. You need to learn your lessons when it comes to— Listen, you can use the Fizz card. It's connected to your checking account, so you can only spend what's in your checking account, which is what you need, honestly. But it still builds your credit. But for fuck's sake, listen, you're at your credit limit. You made your minimum payment, but then you spent more on it than you even put towards it. Why again are we possibly spending money? If I had to guess, it was probably— You had to guess.

56:19Great. You don't even know. Oh, my gosh. food if I had to guess. But I've had that card for three years. I requested two increases and they haven't given it to me. Do you not see how that is a good thing? Do you legitimately not see how that is a good thing? Okay. The reason I'm trying to, and I'm also, I'm going to tell you, I did apply for an Apple card and they gave me like a path to follow pretty much to approve me. So they didn't deny me, but they didn't approve me either. So But the only reason I'm doing that is because credit karma said people You cannot have access to credit card. You can't manage it.

56:58You can't manage credit to save your life. I feel like I really I Feel like I can't I just up I need to if you could you want to have to basically max out credit cards What are you talking about? What are you talking? It's right now. I have nothing motivating me, but now I do I have a kid now No. You're taking that out of context right now. Are you kidding me? You've wanted to have a kid forever. Shut the fuck up. I know. A kid didn't just exist yesterday for you. But it's becoming more real. I don't think, I don't think, I don't think you're not a real person. You're not a human that exists. I am.

57:36This is a dream. I'm in a dream. You are a mythical beast. Maybe it's delusional to you, but now it's becoming more real for me. He's going to graduate the end of this year. And then bam, now it's time. This is like actually. But with$20 ,000 of debt,$20 ,000 of an emergency fund that you should probably have. Plus bills he's going to have to take care of and he's getting an interest salary. Plus his student loans or whatever debt the fuck he has. I actually did ask him and he's very good with money. He only has. What did he say? He only has$7 ,000 of debt and student loans. And student loans?

58:09No. What? In student loans. What else? That's it. His car is paid off. Yeah. why he puts up with you because he doesn't have to put up with me i put up with myself no i'm taking care if you guys are gonna get married if you're gonna have kids oh he's gonna have to put up that's why i'm taking care of this now you are not do you not know what words are do you not know what words are you're like fucking twitter that throws out buds words endlessly you just throw out words but you don't know what the actual meaning of them are everything you say is meaningless i'm being so mean but you're just like you're not saying real no because i just feel like you don't understand i'm wanting i don't know what those words mean i this is where i need to take care of it i want to take care of it yes okay but okay okay no you're not doing anything lady you're not doing anything i'm going to start that's okay then why didn't you start let's hear that if you want the real answer i just started watching you in october oh guys oh guys jake lindsey october hey guys guess what audience october she started watching us in october she started watching us six months ago we're looking at the last month she put two credit cards to the max one was over max the other one is just spending a thousand hours at mcdonald's guys i but i just started learning about finances a half a year ago What are you talking about?

59:43Well, I started watching you in October. That's when I wanted to change everything. But then I got a puppy. I got a puppy. Do you realize, lady, lady, do you not realize that a child is even more intense than a puppy? Yes, the puppy was kind of unexpected because... That's not how puppies work. It is not like a kid world. No. Whoopsie. oh there it goes no because i had been texting the breeder since like april of the year before and it is time to cut down your financial stress and gain total financial dominance you gotta download my budgeting app today it's free to start and it's the simplest way to take control of your money.

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1:01:13And don't forget, when you sign up for the annual version of the premium plan, you'll receive a limited edition signed notebook and my exclusive signed hardcover cookbook, all mailed directly to your door. So make sure you download my budgeting that today it's in the description and pin comment below you will not regret it she was like i have a litter coming in october that's an accident oh i have a litter coming in october no the accident or breeding is the one where you pop one out the accident was i've been telling my boyfriend i was showing him pictures and he was like no we're not getting a dog no we're not getting a dog no we're not getting dog finally it was around my birthday and she texted me in uh like what's september it I was like, hey, our puppies will be ready.

1:01:54And so I told him and he was like, well, do you want it? And so then I had to like scramble to get money to pay for my half of the dog because I did really want it. He's very cute. I also have a cat. Her name is Stella and she's a Siamese. So I have Maverick the poodle and Stella the Siamese. I was being out of pocket, but also getting my frustrations out of me. It's a healthy way. You're impossible to discuss words with. I'm trying. There's another use of a word that is incorrect. What's a better word for that then? So when did you get a dog? October. I got a dog in October and then it was my birthday.

1:02:34So the day you started watching. Yes. But I had to. This was like my opportunity. He'd been saying no forever. And then finally it's yes. Should have been. No. I think I just like kept asking. He's very, I think he loves me. So. I hope so. It's a fucking dog. Well, no, I was talking about my boyfriend loved me enough to say yes. Well, I hope so if you're going to have a fucking kid with him. Yeah. For fuck's sake, dude. We went in and got some bulls. Probably vapes. Yeah. Well, yes, vapes. But on the subject of... What fees have we had this year? What fees have we had this year? Probably a late fee.

1:03:13No. Is it a late fee? There should be no. Pull up your app then. I'll find the fee. Pull it up. Which one? Bank of America? The card we're talking about. the car duh oh I was like what um I feel like that is your mental response to no almost every sentence you hear wait you're gonna be so mad Caleb I already am my dog also was only for a designer dog he was only$1 ,500 so that's not like and I only had to pay half of it so$7 ,50 and he's the love of my life I think it was worth it okay Okay, her balance has actually only gone up. So, and I should not add, put a nine to it.

1:04:08You do nothing but inhale toxins. Hey, but I run. You know the same stuff in aerosol is in vapes? That compound? That is the mess. It is not literally water vape. It is aerosol substances. We don't know the long-term effects yet. And many more studies are coming out about... And it really has no actual scientific upsets. I swear it's only like one hit at night and I'm... Every day? Not every day. You just said one hit at night. One hit at nighttime. Sometimes. That's every day you... Sometimes. Sometimes. Guys, it was to get Chicken Express. That's why the balance went up. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy.

1:04:58I don't think there's any late fees on there. You don't think. There shouldn't be. I gotta not be so mean to you. This is impossible. You just upset me. You just upset me. I'm sorry, but... No, you're not. No, you're not. How the f*** do I use this app? Bank of America? It sucks. Review past. Review the f***ing past.

1:05:24Can I tell you something? No, maybe. Okay. I'm going to. So on the Bank of America, there should only be a late fee from like when I first got the card. When did you first got the card? Three years ago. And I just like, it was my first ever credit card. There's been a fee this year and I need to look and figure out what the fee was. Okay. There should be. I'm looking and I am finding I am in past statements. Okay.

1:05:50I found it! It's in January Let's find out what it is Should we find out what the fee is lady? Should we find out what the fee is? The fee

1:06:02I'm very interested because I don't You made a purchase that was essentially Transacting as like a Almost like a cash equivalent purchase And you got a transaction fee for it So what does that mean? Let me see what purchase that applied for.

1:06:20Cash equivalent. You got something that was cash equivalent. You may have pulled out cash on accident. Like something. But I can't figure out which one of these purchases it would have applied to. I don't think I've ever pulled cash off my. Again, it may have honestly been an accident. But you paid three bucks for it. I think I'm very proud. Don't. Of making sure that at least my payments are on time. Very proud of that. And then also, my income should be going up a little bit more. Okay. Well, I wish that was good news. I don't know how much yet. She told me I would be getting a raise. Oh, but she didn't tell you what?

1:07:03No. My boss is also my best friend. And so I think sometimes— Trust me. It's not a good dynamic. No, I know. But I'm also very proud on the fact that we are very good at being work and friends. I know. But trust me, they don't feel like they can do their job. Well, that's what I told her, too. And so that's why when she first brought the raise, I was like, no, I just feel like this is a pity raise. And she said, no, I swear I've been thinking about this. Tito's Handmade Vodka is America's favorite vodka for a reason. From the first legal distillery in Texas, Tito's is six times distilled till it's just right and naturally gluten free, making it a high quality spirit that mixes with just about anything.

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1:08:18Toys and jewelry to new beauty brands and styles, these gifts go seamlessly from our stores to under your tree. Seriously, with these savings, why shop anywhere else? Burlington Deals Brands Wow So I don't know how much, but that should be coming. In September? Yeah. Oh, my f***. So this is basically, it's not even, we don't even know. Who even, so far, that's nothing. No, not, she told me she's been thinking about it since September. It's even worse. She didn't give you anything she's been thinking about since September. She told you she was going to get something that she's been thinking about since September, but she won't do.

1:08:53No one's got any since then. Is the business failing? I don't know. Is it not doing very well? No. Like, I don't know. I think it's just like, we're waiting. For? I don't know. Oh, my gosh. I don't know This means nothing But She's your best friend Yeah So I can talk to her Can I talk to her about this? Um Yeah Okay I'm gonna call on the post show I'm gonna call on the post show Because this is already running long Oh and there's still some more documents to go through Okay Okay But be sweet to her She's like the worst in my life I don't care She's so sweet Great Not sweet enough to actually give you the money That she said she was gonna give you Great

1:09:34She's sweet still Listen if you need therapy after that conversation I'll gift you three therapy sessions to Sondermine No It's where our audience is This is what you should use It's a good plug Is this I don't know I've lost it I just I don't I don't have Hope in you I'm sorry No don't say that I'd say it happens One out of every ten recordings And it's happening here No don't say that Because Because I really respect you. I really do. Oh, thank you. I do. And so you can't tell me you don't have hope in me because that's why I came here. It's because like you yelling. That's great. You've been watching for six months and you've done nothing except actually get worse.

1:10:12But like this is very personal. So you yelling at me is probably what I need. Yeah, but someone like you, I've seen people like you. No. You get fire lit under your ass a month and then you go. You've never seen anyone like me. You've never seen anyone. I promise you, you're not unique. I am. You're the least unique individual I've ever met in my life. You are wrong. About that. Like everyone else that's been on. Maybe financial wise. Maybe not like when I say I'm going to do something, I'll do it wise. You're right. Not everyone goes to McDonald's every day. Well. Okay, what is this? Consumer credit disclosure.

1:10:47You finance. It's 100. It's 100.3 % interest. You're right. Maybe you're not like others. You're delusional. What is this? That one's very bad. Oh, is it? It is. I would say so. I believe this is bad. What is it? That is a loan I needed. Needed. Here's the word need again. Because I didn't want to borrow money from anyone. So we get 100 % itch. Yeah. Yeah, go on, please. Because I had bought Maverick, the puppy. And then I. You can't have a kid. I need it. You cannot have a kid. No. Yes, I can. You cannot have a kid. Yes, I can. No. I will. No, no, no. You're 100 % itch. It's just right for a fucking dog.

1:11:24You cannot have a kid. You cannot have a fucking kid. You cannot have a fucking kid. Really? it was like cover the bills not a chance in this world you can have a kid no i'm going you are the furthest away from ever being able to have a kid do not have a kid do not have a child no no no you are gonna take out payday loans for this kid no there is nothing to suggest that i am wrong but everything to suggest that i am right you got a dog and you took out 100 interest rate loan for something related yeah what what what did you take it out for because specifically i think i I bought the dog and then I needed like some bill came up and I had like, I was unprepared for the dog.

1:12:01So, but it was my only opportunity. I'm telling you, I had to, yes, dogs always are born. Not Maverick.

1:12:12You, I plan to pay it right back. And that's, yeah, you, you, you planned to, I planned to, yeah. And guess what will happen? Please. inform us all. I think something else came up. Oh, nothing ever comes up, right? For you? And so I had to just make the payment on it. Yeah. That one, I know that one's pretty crazy. I didn't want to do it. But you did it. You didn't need to get the dog. Okay.

1:12:47Oh, this was in October the month you started. Watching the show. And got the dog. And recently I did. How did you even find this loan? This is a horrible interest rate. Where did you even find this? I just typed in loan. Googled loan near me. I'm telling you, it was a quick thing because I realized too late and I didn't want to borrow money from anybody. I didn't borrow that much. This is the stupidest loan I've ever seen in my life. But now it's worth it. It's a trillion dollars now. It's like$500 still. I don't know. Well, it might be. I did refinance Or like bump it up A little bit Wait what does that mean So I got it paid down To like a hundred dollars And then recently I needed Oh cause I had covered someone's part on the bachelorette And so I got Guys I just got Three hundred more dollars Yeah But I had to I had to.

1:13:50You don't even know what to word. You stop it. Stop it. Answer it. Is that him? Yeah. Answer it. What the fuck is wrong with your girlfriend, dude? What the fuck is wrong with your girlfriend? What possibly is wrong with this?

1:14:10What happened? Do you even know her existence? I do How much debt does she have I would say Around three to four Thousand Yes $20 ,000 You know more than me then Dumb She Almost paid off her payday loan Did she even know she had a payday loan She had a f***ing payday loan Did you know that No She almost paid it off and then she took it all the way back up again. Yeah, no, that's news to me. This fucking Kennedy wannabe over here is endlessly going into debt to spend$1 ,000 a month on McDonald's. Yeah, she wants you to blow her up with your nut so she can pop out a kid. I'm right there with you, brother.

1:15:06I agree 100%. Yeah, so you're not gonna have a kid, right, because you can't even have a fucking dog. Yeah, cope your life way your way through it

1:15:19Right? No kid No, yeah, I mean we've got to get some shit under control before we even think about supporting another person. And you might be able to I hear you only have student loans, is that correct? I have one loan help for$3 ,000 for student loans, and I took that out this semester I have one more semester until I graduate That's the only debt I have thank how the what is she gonna do she what is she gonna do she does nothing but it's just smiling here like it is disgusting oh my gosh i'm sorry i'm raging i am actually raging i feel my blood coursing i am raging i am raging

1:16:02okay it's something that needs to be discussed for sure great absolutely fantastic you didn't know how much debt she has you guessed about 25 of it you didn't know she has a payday loan 100 percent interest 100 percent interest yeah all she does is just payday loan you guys got a dog it's an accidental dog whoopsie i accidentally chose to adopt the dog oh no accidents right and she can't afford to take care you're gonna bail her out she's gonna go into more debt she can't control herself she can't not can she can cook one meal a week she has to get high every night before she goes to bed. There's nothing she can do in life successfully except for somehow holding down a job.

1:16:42Let me guess, it's only because her boss is her best friend. Yeah, no. We've talked about, you know, planning a budget and everything like that, but as far as sticking to it, it's yet to be seen, but it's something she's working on for sure.

1:17:03This has been beyond enraging. I can't even express. I can't even express, buddy. Like, this actually kind of sucks. I hear you. I hear you.

1:17:23I don't know what to do with her. How do I, like, literally, I can't get things through to her. I can't get things through to her. I try to explain the math that it takes to be able to have a kid in a year. By the way, do you want to have a kid in a year and a half? I'd like to graduate. I'd like to land a good job before I have a kid. Once that's done, I think we'll be able to handle it. But at this time and point, no, I don't think a kid is in the picture. Yeah, she would need to spend$2 ,500 on a monthly basis to pay off her debt and have a fully funded emergency fund by the time you have a kid in a year and a half.

1:18:00So I don't think that's gonna happen is the thing and she can't listen to me i explain that and then she says oh i'll just cut back a little bit and i'll be out of debt it's the process it's gonna happen i want to do it i learned about the show six months ago it's all gonna be good everything's gonna be fine i cut back a little i can't get through to her and i'm pissed and i look like an asshole on camera right now 100 but people do not realize how absolutely enraging this is to have to talk to someone like this to literally have to this is my requirement for the day is to do okay okay i'm not gonna complain but this is so maybe i am i don't know i don't know but i how are you gonna deal with this buddy because i don't have a way uh i don't know i'm kind of i was kind of hoping that uh when she got the call to come on the show that she could get some sense, talk some sense, or maybe shed some light on some situation.

1:19:02She can't comprehend words, and then she uses words that don't make the definitional sense of the word she's using. No, yeah, I hear you. I hear you. Like I said, we've had conversations in the past about budgeting, about cutting back, and everything like that, but, you know, I think hearing it from someone like yourself, I think that would help. As long as she's open to change and open to... She doesn't know what she has to do. She refuses to accept anything. Listen, just one word of recommendation. No, one recommendation to walk away with for you.

1:19:44One word of recommendation. No, just one recommendation for you, buddy. You're on the green. please don't try to sink one in this hole run what the heck listen I don't know this is beyond stupid I mean it's so fucking dumb that one is bad I know what that one is the other ones weren't that you continually max out the other ones weren't the other ones actually were not Huh? But the other one's not? No, I'm just saying. Exactly. Fucking stupid loan. Nah. $3 ,000 virus. Great. We're not doing anything. Oh, okay. Oh, my gosh. Okay, I need a second. Yeah, I tried to tell you. Do you have something pleasant that you're able to tell me?

1:20:37Just for a moment. Because this has been so far an hour and 15 minutes. It's just like I'm broken. I can show you pictures of my dog. No. No. Because that dog is debt. Mom. The loan also was like a way to try and build credit. The IRS loan? No. The first, the payday loan? Yeah. You thought that would put a smile on your face? No. I didn't think. But the kinda, I'm trying to build credit. Oh. Oh. And the fact that I'm on a payment plan, that's good. That's progress. Sorry. Forced payments. Not forced. They didn't make me do that. You put yourself on a payment plan so you were forced to make payments.

1:21:28Because you can't manage your own money. Because I cannot pay$6 ,300 right now. We could have budgeted out over a course of a few months, I betcha.

1:21:42Could try.

1:21:48Car. Don't give me a look at this.

1:21:59I don't even see the... What's the balance? I don't see it. I just see the minimum of the payment. Like$10 ,000. Let's log in. You want me to see? At what interest rate? Ooh,$24 ,000.

1:22:16yeah let's see let's see no thanks balance yeah 23.52 and the balance is 10 811.84 but it's the first car i could find and i really needed a car i'm my other one i wrecked it But I had, yeah, bad reg, totaled three cars. And then I had to find another car. You totaled three cars, yeah. I did. Yeah. It was an accident. Yeah? Like your birth? Kayla, that probably wasn't an accident.

1:23:13A term that's probably a billion years long and a minimum payment you can't f*** for. What am I doing here? What a waste of f***ing... Thanks for wasting my afternoon. Yeah. What the f*** though? I don't feel good. I walk away feeling good when there's a path that I can get people on. When people come back on the follow-up channel and they have f***ing... I didn't think... Exactly. $100 on our checking accounts. I'll just Starbucks, Apple.

1:23:44Crab restaurant, rooster. It's all bullshit. It's all another page of bullshit. For fuck's sake, man. Fuck's sake. Let's all just fucking... $11 in savings. I'm sorry. God. God. Yeah, it's... a mess right now, but achievable to fix. Not by you. That's what you think. That's what I know. No. I've seen. I've done this for three years. That's where you're wrong.

1:24:27Also, I guess maybe now is a good time to tell you that my boss pays for my phone and my car payment. Why did your boyfriend have to cover your phone bill? Because it probably went somewhere else.

1:24:46And when I said that's like once in a blue moon, it really is. It's like once in maybe like every six months when I just like...

1:24:58up i'm just i'm thinking of this in the moment out of just i hate this i am here this is a real conversation happening i know when we're just sitting here watching it after the fact it's like you don't understand how rage inducing this actually is having going through four of these conversations a week for three years you can't use words you are incorrect about everything you say everything is broken here and you're not going to do anything and it's all so that you can just sit on your ass all day if we're being completely honest because you've hopped on a new hobby of having a kid i'm done i'm done and i jake please mute her because i no longer want to hear her face they can't hear you they can't hear you please get up please get up Up stand okay She's sweet and go over there or I'm gonna put you in the green room And I'm gonna have ten minutes of the post show without having a look at you cuz you annoy the out of me and I'm annoyed and this sucks and this isn't the best look of me I'll be honest, but this is the reality of what's actually happening here sometimes.

1:26:17And I'm being done. Don't end up like that. Okay? Download the Simpler Budget app and you won't. Join us in the post show. After 10 minutes of calming down, we'll bring her and I'll call her boss, but... I just feel like it's wrong. No offense, Caleb. Give the f***ing back up that you ramped up again! You were kind of rude to me. The personalities that I despise the most in this entire f***ing world. Lindsay's gonna call the boss and get that raise out of her. Save this woman's income. To watch the Financial Audit post show, click the join button below. Hey, Ryan Reynolds here. Wishing you a very happy half-off holiday because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50 % off unlimited.

1:27:02To be clear, that's half price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day. Yeah? Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three-month plan equivalent to$15 per month required. New customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of networks busy. Taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com.