I've Never Seen This Before | Financial Audit

23:49Okay, yeah, but do they say it feels the same? I guess, yeah. I mean, I don't— Wow, this is crazy. No, that's impressive. Congratulations. Congratulations. Okay. I'm trying to think. Then you're right. Of what it was called. My logic was flawed. I only don't like them because they're fake. Fair. But there's different, like, procedures that you can get, like, how you can get it. Like, you can get it with no depth whatsoever, more, like, aesthetic from the outside. instead of out-depth with it. Stop taking me down the trans-rabble hole. You are more than that. That cannot be the only interesting thing in your life.

24:26No, I appreciate you saying that. Exactly, yet you are not able to give me anything beyond that. The moment something trans-related comes up, you're able to talk like crazy. But I ask anything about your finances, you just say, I pay off my Apple card. Give me something. I need to know what your life looks like, dude. It's because... Chick. You can say whatever. Dude is gender neutral in my life. Yeah, I know. So is bro. It's fine, especially at this point. especially at this point. Uh-huh. Go on. I was really thrown off by the finances thing. I thought I made more than that. What? That you made more?

24:56No, you told me you made less. Well, no, that's... You do make more than you said. Yeah, I was just... Do you not know that yet? I was just going by... I have clarified that you do make about$1 ,500 more than you thought. Are you... Have you not caught up to that yet? I'm caught up, yeah. Are you sure? Mm-hmm. Oh, how do I get through this? Okay. So why'd you go to Minneapolis? That's where I was born. Okay. So born and raised Minneapolis, moved up to Fargo for college. Okay, why don't you just open like a trans daycare or something? A trans daycare? You'll make an infinite amount of money and no one in Minnesota will look into you.

25:37Well, now in Minnesota, yeah, that's fair. Were you not able to follow along on that either? No, I was. Oh my goodness, you know that's happening right now. I said it's fair. Yeah, 30 seconds later. I'm also white. Not Somalian. But trans, it counts. Yeah. Yeah, dude, you're like a superior class. But Somalian's a hot thing right now. I don't know about superior. In Minnesota? Yeah, it's fair. It's blue, but. It's not just, okay. Oh my gosh, I swear. You are, you are. How do people have conversations with you? That's a good question. I'm very controversial on a lot of things. I don't think so because you're not able to speak.

26:13You don't think so? No. No. You are not conversational. You're impossible to have a conversation with. Besides the budgeting thing, I've been answering your questions. This is financial audit. I need a little bit on the money. I know, I know. You got to give me some information so I can go into these numbers with any kind of knowledge. Right, but this is what I'm doing. Like, what I said about the Apple Card. Put everything on Apple Card and pay it off.

26:44like I saw I saw part of your thing was like to make an Excel spreadsheet and like put

26:52what you would pay for each of those things down okay listen again I'm glad you want to talk about trans I don't really give a you've piqued my interest a couple times on the vagina thing especially because that's just like one we love vaginas here two I think a lot of people are curious didn't you say a lot of people are at your one of your last shows that you were thinking that you were bi at one point yeah a long time ago how how did that what what sparked that experience with young okay i'm asking the questions though because you're on my podcast i was just curious when i heard that i was like oh okay musician oh for sake okay so if a trans part is a big part of your life.

27:39Let me bring that to finances. Obviously, we're trying to budget in some future operations. What are some things you're trying to do? This is a question I tried to ask earlier that you could not answer. Let's see if you can get to it this time. What is it going to cost? What are some things you're trying to do in the near future that we need to budget towards? So I, as a transsexual, want more surgeries. We know that. I'm trying to ask you what they are. I just established that for you. I want to get a second round of facial feminization surgery. Okay. So what are you going to do? I want to go to Turkey and get my face cut up again.

28:20Yeah, but what are you trying to do? To Turkey? So you have to fly to Turkey. Well, Turkey's... What are they going to do? Like, what's going to happen? Well, I want to get... Well, you noticed the angular face. Yeah, you have a man jaw. Yeah, exactly. I want to get rid of more of that. Even though I already... Like, you saw it before. Man jaws are hard to get rid of. I know. They're very manly. And then I also want to get more of a Barbie nose. Turn to your side. To my side. Yes, turn to your side. Let me look at you. You have a good nose. What the f*** is wrong with you? Not good enough. Oh my goodness.

28:52Okay. Also, I want to get a VVL in Turkey. All right. Give us a twirl.

29:04Give you a twirl? Yeah, give us a twirl. I'm objectifying you right now. Come on. Yeah, I see that. Well, I came on this show, I guess, for that. Yeah, you need one. Okay, sit down. Yes. Okay, I got it. That was embarrassing and all. Huh? Okay, so what is this BVL going to cost? The obviously crucial one here, because your ass is a sad excuse. Yeah, I know. Thank you. It's going to cost like$23,$25. $25 what? $1 ,000. What? Oh! The nose one, that. You have a good nose. The jaw one. Thank you. That's 13. Because you look like a man. That's 13. Oh. Oh.

29:49So what does that get us to? About 40? Yeah, around there. $40 ,000? For your income? That's crazy. How are you paying for that? Because no insurance, right? That's out of pocket. That's out of pocket. What the fuck are you paying for that? I mean, I haven't paid for it yet, but I want to No shit I'm asking how are you paying The answer to how are you doing this Isn't I haven't done it yet What is wrong with you You've never been on a podcast I have What? Because no one who comes on the show has ever been on a podcast You're telling me you've been on a podcast And somehow you are like this Yeah I mean I guess What podcast have you been on I've been on some podcasts with some friends Uh huh There it is.

30:34A lot in the trans community. Uh-huh. Okay. So very good. They're my friends. How do... Okay. Well, I said friends, and then you're like, uh-huh, and I'm like, yeah. No, that explains why you haven't actually done any real podcasts. Oh, right. Not something as popular as this. No. You got there. You figured it out. Yeah. I had to explain, but you did it all by yourself.

30:59Okay. So... I just, I really just didn't want to, I wanted to come on here because I didn't want you to put me in the same category as all these other trans people that come on here. I don't put people in categories. I'm putting you in the category because you're literally. I haven't put anyone in any category. Usually it's financial. What category am I putting them in? So this is financial what? Huh? So this is financial. Not up.

31:41What category have I put them in? Like trans people? You just said I put them all in a category. You just said I put them all in a category. And you don't want me to put you in the same category. What category have I put them in? Oh, okay. I got you. We got there. We got there. Oh, yeah. You taught at a school. I know. I taught children. Music, though. What category? Of libtarded trance.

32:22I don't believe that I've done that, but okay. This is from what I've seen. I'm not putting you in libtarded. I'm putting you in... Thank you. I've already established that. Thank you. No, I know. I can see that. I can see that. Yeah.

32:40Buddy. Back to Turkey. And then flights and hotel. Yes. And food. Yes, it's expensive. So how did you plan on paying for this when the only thing you could tell me about your financial life is, I put money on my Apple card and I pay it off. So how do you plan on paying for it? Please, please, please, please. Hopefully budgeting when I figure this out. So no plan. So no plan. No. How do you plan on figuring this out then? Because you said planning on budgeting after you figure this out. How do you plan on figuring this out? Taking the extra money that I don't use from when I get paid. Reminder, 9 ,000 went out, 5 ,000 came in.

33:17So correct that. So how do you plan on doing that?

33:279 ,000 usually doesn't come out though What did you just say? 9 ,000 doesn't usually come out Every month How do you know that? You thought you made$1 ,500 less than you do You thought you spent$500 more than your rent How can you say 9 ,000 doesn't usually go out? How can you possibly say that? How can you be a reliable narrator for that? in any way whatsoever. Please inform me. I can see where it coming from. However, I don't think I've seen that as a summary of my bank statement.

34:13That never really threw me off. Okay, and you get some extra money being a professional singer as well, right? So that'll help. yeah tell me about that i mean people hire me for funerals weddings uh-huh yeah tell me about that obviously i mean yes because i just said you make money doing that and then i said tell me about that and then you didn't tell me about that because you are certified actually both i believe we uploaded before we uploaded you financial audits most guess Unfortunately, they have already been superseded Now I'm It's rubbing off At least it's not the trans thing

34:57That's not rubbing off, is it? No, I've never had a desire To be a woman Thank God, good for you That must be nice It is, I think, I guess It'd be nice to be comfortable on your own skin Okay, well, why'd you freak out? And go all woman My dysphoria? Yeah. Having gender dysphoria from a young age? Uh-huh. How do I? Oh, my God. Because we're getting a lot of people, surprisingly, even on LibTalk, that are saying, like, why are all my trans friends detransitioning? Yes, because they transitioned for the wrong reasons. What reason was that? Exactly. What reason is it? Mine, I can speak to because I had gender dysphoria from childhood.

35:37And what was their reason? Who detransitioned? Well, because they transitioned because their friends did. and it was the social thing because of trans TikTok and trans trenders. Okay.

35:53And that's why I wanted to be different. How was she making this side gig of singing? No, that's not that consistent, but it's like$300,$500. Sing me a song. What song? I like Sabrina Carpenter. Okay. So just... Please, please. Please, please don't prove I'm right. Can I even do that? Like copyright? I don't know. Keep going. That's the only one I can think of at the moment. There's more to that song. I know. Sing something else you know. I'll be one thing, my ego's another. I'm begging you, don't miss me, mother. And what do you make from that? That's$300 and$500. others. Depending on how many songs.

36:45For what kind of events? Funerals? That happens at a funeral? Funerals? No. Not Sabrina Carpenter at funerals. No. It's more like... Ave Maria? Yes. Oh, you want me to sing Ave Maria? Oh my gosh.

37:08Ave Maria

37:18Maria, gratia plena.

37:26Maria, gratia plena. Maria, gratia plena. What's with the weird pauses? Probably not getting the right breath control. I'm nervous. No, it's like when your tone breaks up, you all of a sudden... Yeah. Yeah. People pay for that. Well, it's... Okay. Pause and all. Usually I'm better warmed up than... I wasn't expecting to sing.

38:04Okay. I really wasn't. We can't put any projected income on that? I wouldn't, no. It's more of a side thing. It's not consistent. So men f*** you? Straight men? Yeah, yes. I have to ask the curious questions in between here and there. Yes. Just to keep my curiosity going. Yeah. How often does a straight man uniquely f*** you? How often? Like someone who's not coming back for seconds. It's usually, I don't continue it. So how often does a unique person Like A unique person I don't Like someone that you haven't slept with How frequently do you A straight guy Straight not bi Not gay No I prefer straight men I know you do Not a lot Not like frequently Not like two to three a month So one to two Sure Okay Good Good for them And they do it No questions There's no flaws?

39:03No. They're not even, like, curious. Not usually. Do they know? Yes. Oh, yes. And they want that. Consent, yeah. Yes. Because I'm not about... Hendon?

39:22Oh. All right, he would. Congratulations. We'll get you guys a room. Oh, my God. Afterwards. I am not about not disclosing, because I'm not about... And would you give him a wood? Absolutely. That's why I have this. Cherry slushy. Because he recommended that one. It is very good. It is good. Okay, good. We got that taken care of. Well done. Let me know how it is. I'm genuinely curious. Oh, God. I'm just, none of us have like experienced that before. So yeah, you're a pioneer. Okay, very good. What do you think your financial score is zero to 10, zero being the worst, 10 being the best? Zero. All right, if you want your financial score, take the assessment at calebhammer.com.

40:17It is free and it just takes a few minutes to see where you stand in the world of money, where you need to do better, where you're doing really well already, and what you need to do to improve. Calebhammer.com. And if you don't want to be like a guest who ends up on this show, one, don't transition to download the DollarWise budgeting app. Take the free trial to see if you like it. New features being added every single month. At the time of this being uploaded, by the way, our whole new refresh, all bunch of new features should be added. And most people take the annual version once the free trial ends because it saves a lot of money, like 50%, and you get my budget-friendly cookbook signed by me, mailed directly to you.

40:52Check that out. All those links are in the description below. Let's jump into these numbers Oh my goodness You have an only So we need to add that income too No, no, no, no It's not Significant It's peanuts Like$7 $14 It's not significant Okay, but can I add the singing? Do you get a gig a month on average? No, I just do manager income. Okay. I'll do just manager income. Well, look what's on top. The infamous apple cart. The only thing you know about your life. Yes. Outside of you being trans. Yes. Because that's what you've wrapped your entire world around the entirety of your life. No, don't say that.

41:42Well, you're literally able to talk about nothing outside of it. No, that's just about you. Well, not well. Gotcha, bitch. Yes. Not really. Yes. Talked about how I'm a singer and was a teacher. Oh, f***. I mean, Colton told me you're also trying to budget in becoming, buying a shits and equipment to become a Twitch streamer. I did do Twitch. You already did? Yeah. Wait, but he says, but, but, but, but, but. Also, you have to buy a new computer. Why? So we have to budget in$40 ,000 for this trip, and then you're going to get, you're going to get all this equipment to do Twitch? Yeah. That's kind of f***ing stupid, I'll be honest.

42:17But what's not is actually getting a checking account that gives you free money free money We like free money you can get up to three hundred fifty dollars in bonus cash right now When you sign up for the checking account that I use chime also It makes your savings grow at a three point five APY interest rate guys you can watch financial audit and get free money at the same time who would have thought that's incredible We'll check it out. Link in the description below. Sign up for Chime. Get that$350 right now in your checking account. Starbucks is bull and a waste of money. And you already know that by making your coffee at home and investing the rest.

42:56So now you need to do that with your energy drink as well. Make gamer subs at home for just 40 cents a serving. And honestly, it literally tastes better. And we proved this accidentally via a blind taste test in our Hammer Elite show, Fat and Fatter. The number one ranked energy drink is Gamer Subs. Literally, the cherry flavor is insane. Listen, you can also get free samples to see if you like it. Or 10 % off your order at gamersubs.gg. Or click that link in the description below. Type in code Caleb. How much is that going to cost? What are you getting, bet? I got about, I don't know, about$225 ,000.

43:37$3 ,000 for that. I'm going to need. that's more realistic than the whole surgery thing on the horizon. Yeah, but I don't understand. If you're spending more money than you make, well, so is the surgery happening or not? Because listen, I'll budget for whatever people want to do. When people have bad reasons for leaving the country, I still will make a plan for them to do it. If you're budgeting to get a chin and a butt or no chin and a butt, I will do it. But is it happening or not? You tell me. Yeah, it's going to happen. Okay, so we're doing that. But this doesn't make sense if all of a sudden, we have to upgrade our gaming equipment.

44:09We have to do this. It doesn't get there. But I'm thinking in terms of the fact that it's a smaller amount, therefore that's going to come before the surgery. But every amount saved to get to the surgery gets immediately drained every time we hit these little goals along the way. Right. So you don't ever get to the big goal. So that doesn't make sense. What's more important, twitch or butt? Well, that's a good question. More important or – because then if I did twitch, I could make more money. He just told, well, yeah, okay, maybe. You ain't, you ain't no. Sinna, my new crush. I love Sinna. Can I just say?

44:48She's like, my goodness, I'm obsessed. Who? Like, who? And Pokimane, also my wife. Oh, my goodness. Those two, listen, I just, both of them, I'm proposing to both of you right now. Okay. Interesting. But you ain't them, girl. I know. I haven't started. You said you did in the past. I know, but like. I mean, Colton's telling me you literally sleep in your living room so that you can make your bedroom your Twitch room. Yes. So clearly you're prioritizing that. I am. I don't think you're going to make money, though. I mean, Brandon and Tyler do pretty well because they have the connection to this show on their Twitches.

45:22They still don't make, like, money. Like, livable money. Money that will go towards goals. It's like extra help. Brandon does Twitch. Yes, and he actually has a platform unlike you. That's true. That's true. And he still does, just halfway decent. It's more like passion. I assume. Yeah. like 500 bucks a month. That's what he's getting. At least he can quantify it. But he's grinding on it like most every day. And you just see and then this makes no sense because you can't start your 401k so you have to spend on your hobbies and then you just paid$8 ,000 for laser hair removal. So how do we ever get to these goals if you're just blowing thousands on bullshit along the way?

46:04Does this make sense? $8 ,000. How'd you pay for$8 ,000? That's not bullshit. Depending. If you're trying to get to the big goal, anything that is a want that takes us away from that big goal is bullshit in my head. You had to do the 8 ,000 for laser hair? Yeah. Why? Shave. No, no, no, no. Laser hair is great. Trust me. Oh, I funded it for my girlfriend. Don't get me wrong. Right. But you're trying to get to the butt. You're trying to get to the no chin. But electrolysis. Okay. So before I could have my bottom surgery, I had to get electrolysis. so I had to get all the hair moved how'd you even buy that?

46:40how'd you afford that? 8 ,000? makes no sense well that was part of the 401k? yeah 401k so our retirement's gone for the sake of not having hair? yeah so I can have the bottom surgery the things we do was it big? oh god I don't no I don't think so no oh okay then it's fine wasn't benefiting the world okay wasn't contributing much what you're offended by the thing you wanted to get rid of? I just never thought of it in that way so it's just kind of like what? dude you gotta do some math in the end everything's quantifiable yeah but I never thought of it as you had a small dick get over it well sure I guess I don't know I just never thought of it that way never measured it?

47:32no no no god no You looked at her and went, you? Yes, exactly. Really? It makes you uncomfortable, yes. You never jacked off? No. Whoa. Mark just freaked out. He jacks off like a professional. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's, yeah. I've never thought of it in the way that you think. Okay, so I can see that feeling like an emergency to pull your 401k out. I can see why it feels that way. See, this was more of an emergency than getting a bigger bed. I can understand. You looked at your dick and you vomited. You know, I can't relate, but I look at mine and I come.

48:14That's okay. I'm easy. All right. Did not know that about you. After all these episodes, I should have known these things. Oh, now you know, now you know. Now everyone knows. I just look at it. Oh, just did it. I'm an easy one. All right. Okay. Apple card. So this is usually where I ask, what's going on here? But the answer is going to be, I put money on it and I pay it off. Is there anything else? That is still... Okay. That's it. I charge it and I pay it off at the end of the week. You pay it off every single time, so it never accrues interest. Yes, because the interest is pretty high. Oh my goodness.

48:54The spending on here is insane. Oh my absolute... goodness, what are you doing? What are you doing? That's a lie. You had a thousand hours in interest charged. You're a liar. You don't know what you're doing. There's a thousand hours in interest charged. Almost, rounded up. What the f*** are you talking about? Pay it off every week. No, you do not. No, you absolutely do not. So I am marking this as a debt, you f***ing moron. you couldn't tell me how much money you make you couldn't tell me how much money you spent now you're going to tell me that you pay this off every week while you've accrued a thousand hours in interest for 2025 no, fuck you this makes no sense you have no idea what you're doing you're confused on your gender, you're confused on your numbers you're confused on everything and I love that for you except for the numbers part you love that for me?

49:52oh thank you be confused, it's okay or dysphoric or whatever it is, right? Yeah, well, I mean, yes, gender dysphoria. You had someone on here that had yellow hair that said dysmorphia. Look, great real tits. Were they great? Because they wanted bigger ones. No, wanted them lifted because those things had gravity. Okay. Interesting. Okay. You could only dream. It's true. So$25 minimum payment with a balance of$2 ,159.32, cents, 13 years to pay off if we make minimum payments only. And I know you put more than that but then you spend more and then interest accrues. I think you just don't put enough towards it to actually pay it off like the way you think you do and then interest accrues like crazy.

50:41And I know you spend money like crazy. I'm being told right now you bought four new outfits for this show. I did. For this filming. I did. We don't do multiple outfits. You wear one. I know. You have never seen anyone change in the show's history. I know. And it was just because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. And then you know what the best part is? And this is sarcasm. I'm not wearing any of the outfits that I bought. You're right. Why? Why? Why? Because it's just what I thought I was going to like when I put it on and I didn't. See, you spent uncontrolled, but you got a 100-inch TV for your living room.

51:12Yeah. You're right. What is wrong with you? You go absolutely crazy. You buy for your Instagram, for the holidays, for everything. And then this is, on this credit card that is a Korean interest, it's like crazy. you are pages of spending. You're uncontrollable. Your financial life is a defined I spent on my apple cart and pay off. No you don't, you dumb broad. I can say that. See, I'm being good. I'm being a good guy. You could say worse things too. She's a broad. She's a... She's a... What are other woman names? Keep going. Slut, hoer, hoe. There you go. You're missing the obvious one For women?

51:55No Well I'm doing the women thing Because I'm being appropriate to your identification There's another one? Yeah What is it? I don't know I thought I was an expert in slurs I say them in my sleep What is the good slur I'm missing? The one that you started off saying that you weren't going to say Oh I'm not going to say the F word I'm not rude like that Okay Usually That's fine Usually visually. Because I don't say it to real ones. I just say it to my friends when they're acting like... We did it. We got there. I'm so proud of you.

52:34Great. Fantastic. I'm so glad we got there. But I would never call you that. Thank you. I would never call Tyler boy. I would never... I would... I would never call Colton gay. Well, I am. No, I don't. You are, but I don't. It's still saying it. I know. It's terrible. Starbucks, Starbucks. So you already work at a store. Just make your coffee at home. Make your coffee. That one right there, the energy drink. You're not buying energy drinks anymore. If you buy energy drinks, you're retarded. Well, we already know you are, but that's okay. Gamer Subs, you are getting Gamer Subs. Those are the free samples.

53:16You can get the free samples right now. Use code Caleb at gamersubs.gg. Links in the description below. But also, it's 40 cents a serving. You're making it at home. You're making coffee at home. Why are you buying at Starbucks? It's so stupid. Starbucks, Starbucks, Southwest, Culver's, Chipotle, Pop Mart. Pop Mart for what? Oh, you're laboo-booing. You're boo-booing. Why are you? You're past the trend. Laboo-boo's done. I know. This is not new. Laboo-boo's done. Transitioning's done. You're past the trend. That was all COVID, girl. I know. You're done. How much Pop Mart's on there? Well, there's one.

53:53And then Papa Murphy's. And oh, Pop Mart, Pop Mart, Pop Mart. What are you doing? What is wrong with you? It is not funny. It is not cute. You're f***ing up your life. What is wrong with you? You don't know how to manage your finances. You think you're not paying interest on here, but you are. And then you're spending on LaBooBoo's. Every second of your life, f***ing TransLaBoobs. TransLaBoobs? Why? You're throwing everything away for Popmart. What the f*** is wrong with you? I was originally given a bunch of Lububus because I made fun of it with the people that I worked with. They gave it to me like as a gift.

54:31And I was like, oh, no, I can't make fun of it. And then I got them stolen. So I had to rebuy them. A gift? You didn't have to rebuy a gift. This is gone. The gift's gone. I know. I didn't. And I wanted to have that still. Well, f***. Don't you want to? First of all, you already took from your retirement. We need to get your retirement caught up. Because even if you're trans, you still got to retire. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Like, you don't get to not retire anymore. Right. I mean, I don't know. Minnesota might give you an endless, like, amount of money for the rest of your life because you're trans.

54:59Who knows? Maybe that'll happen at retirement. But. Just hang out in Minnesota for the rest of my life. That doesn't happen. Let's rely on that not happening. You need to retire. You pulled out a retirement. You think you're going to pop my head for five seconds to your life? Would you? You. What's wrong with you? Starbucks. Again. Going in, getting some bullshit. Amazon. No taquitos. Whole other page. No taquitos. Hey, you're in Minnesota. They don't have taquitos? Starbucks. I don't know. I don't care. Okay. I was like, what? Nail spa. Let me see.

55:32Dude. That's rough. Is it? Oh my God, no. That's bad times. Why? Because those are like gluons. They're not. They're real. Oh no. You got scammed. Oh my gosh, I can't tell my nail lady. It's because you got the wrong minorities. See, we got the Asians here, and they do it great. You went to the Somalians. Netflix. Amazon. Amazon. Kickoff, Inc. Thank you to you. Huh? Thanks to you. Oh, it's kickoff. Okay. Use your code and everything. Well, that's good. Apple bill. I mean, it works. It does. Uber. Southside News? What is that? You pay for it. You better know what it is. Yeah, I don't know what that is.

56:26Southside News. You dumb f***ing broad? What is it? I don't know. Oh, my goodness. What is wrong with you? You literally probably have a subscription to it every single month for nine bucks. Is it from New York? I don't know. How the f*** would I know? What is wrong with you? How would I know that? I don't know. Uber. Yeah, it sounds like New York. Shelburne, so I had a... Oh, you went to New York? New York, yes. Why'd you go to New York? You're trying to go to Afghanistan or something. Afghan, Turkey. One of those, yeah. I have to go to New York for a post-op follow-up doctor's appointment. To observe?

57:02Yes. Okay. It's part of the process. I mean, it's a follow-up post-op appointment. Dude, you're telling me Minneapolis doesn't do trans surgeries out of all cities? They do, but... It's Minneapolis. They do, but not where I went. I went to New York. Well, I know that. To get the best of the best.

57:24Shout out to NYU. How much did that cost? Yes, that's, yeah. Okay. How much did that cost me? Oh, God. But then you had the travel and food. Look what you're doing while you're there. Yeah, yeah. I have no idea. $15,$200. Amazon, Papa Murphy's, VidIQ, you pay for VidIQ? You pay for vidIQ? Who the f*** pays for vidIQ? There's a guy that I was seeing that was helping me edit my videos when I was doing YouTube. You were seeing him for his skills? No, no, no. That was just on the side. Let me see what this man looks like. I need to see what someone looks like that sticks it in. I don't have it. You don't know who he is?

58:04I blocked him. I can pull him up. But I don't remember, like... You don't know his name? You do not know the name of your ex. I do. Good. Give it to me. But I don't know his, like, Instagram. Dude, it should just be his name. No? No, it's not. No. No, no, no. His name is not his name. Not on Instagram? Search his name. See if it exists. Search it. I know you can type even with gluons. Oh, my gosh. That's so, so offended by that.

58:41you should be offended that you paid so much for it uh yeah yeah I mean it is expensive so you'd pick Brandon over me uh yeah sorry damn I'm getting cooked I can't I'm getting cooked these days I'm getting cooked I mean you are attractive no especially oh god thank you for having the beard back when you shaved that it was an accident it was a terrible accident It was terrible. We're delayed by a month. It was an accident. I trimmed wrong and then at that point I had to commit. I mean, you didn't have to. No, I had to. Was it that bad? Yes! Worse than being a babyface. Well, the babyface only exists for a couple days.

59:25Goes away quick with stubble. Okay, I wouldn't know. More Pop Mart. Apple Bill, Apple Bill, Pop Mart. Dollar Tree, not as good as dollar was. you spend money there. Dollar Tree? Oh my god. What? I can't remember what that was for. I don't trust you to remember anything. That's why I'm no longer asking questions. Okay. Amazon, Apple Bill, Total Wine and more. Is that why you're all f***ed up? No, I promise. Best Buy, Best Buy. That was for Thanksgiving. Okay, dare I ask. That was for Thanksgiving. Best Buy was for Thanksgiving where you bought$2 ,000? Wine. Okay, what about the$2 ,000 for Best Buy?

1:00:02That was a TV. Oh my goodness. Yeah. You can't afford that. Apple Bill, pull up your phone.

1:00:11There is no one's photos folder. I'm going to further avoid than yours. To the Apple card? I'm going to snoop around on your phone. It's not your photos. Sorry. Freak. You didn't mean that in the trans way. Don't cancel me. Eh. I've had much worse. No, I mean, I don't care what people do. I really don't. Okay, here it is. I've never seen more subscriptions on someone's phone than this. Really? Really.

1:00:42Airbrush? Catfishing everyone for$35 a month. What is wrong with you? A month? No, no. Okay, okay. You got annual, but still. Catfishing everyone. Social media. Social media. Yeah, catfish. Apple TV. It is one of the better ones. You still can't probably afford it. And then you got FaceApp. More catfishing. You have to double catfish? What's wrong with you? That's one of the reasons I'm hated by the trans. What the f***? I use Gmail every second of my life. I don't pay for it. Do I? Not on my phone, at least. Is that annual, too? You got Grok. I called Plus. No, it's expiring. I didn't mean to.

1:01:17Notably? Yep. For work. You pay for X. Paramount Plus out of all. Come on. Paramount Plus sucks. Why? And then you do have Hammerleet, the best membership on YouTube. number one for a reason because we got three premium incredible high quality shows posted every single day Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday including the post show for this episode and you like it, right? Oh, love it. It's so good. This is why I'm so gagged. It is top tier. It is the absolute best. Yes, you're gagged but I promise you will not be getting gagged while here with anything. I assume he doesn't want to.

1:01:53I think he gave a thumbs up for niceties.

1:02:00And then you got premium Okay Oh my goodness look at you You got 15 snaps to reply How many people are you sliding in Did you get people every second of your life Look at this What are you doing Popular Okay it's not there What were you looking up There Well, no, that's not downloaded either. What were you looking at? Wait, where are you meeting people? Bumble. No. Yeah. No. You don't have anything downloaded, not even Grindr. Where are you meeting people? In person. Where? At protests? Oh, God, no. I thought you knew me better by now. Where? Where are you meeting people? I'm not going to protests.

1:02:44At Instagram. Ah, now that she said it, I know. Oh, yeah, this fatty's trying to get in you. Adrian, you're not going to land that nut. Sorry, guy. Okay, but in person where? Just like out at bars and stuff. Okay, so there's seven things. Oh, so they have to get drunk first. No, no, no. I said consent first. I hope so. I know Minnesota and Wisconsin are drinking states. Okay, so you got in the cart, you have some eye wearing. Is that what that was? I was wondering what you were doing. Yes, it's your sleep mask and then ink cartridges, a very expensive desk, a multiple desk. You're considering a lot.

1:03:30A 49-inch, like, triple-wide monitor. It's kind of crazy. It is. It is, yeah. Yeah, you're not buying this shit. Unless that's what you're prioritizing, but we just can't do the rest. Okay, you just ordered some ink, some pens, some—something's being delivered today. They can't even figure that out. Utensil trays, gardening knee pads. I'm sure you get on your knees a lot. Sharpie retractable permanent markers and other computers. You just got a computer desk literally a couple weeks ago. Yeah, that's for the living room. Why are you looking for another? Why do you need a desk for your living room and bedroom?

1:04:05Because one's for the gaming setup. No, no one's not. I hate you. Laptop sleeve cover. You get more pens than anyone I've ever... It's for work. At the coffee shop? Mm-hmm. You just got a pop-up from only... What? It's a posting reminder. Oh, yeah. You haven't posted since, it says 22 days. Yeah. 22 days. But I'm not active on it. Okay, and then canceled. And HR pharma, one-shot sterile lubrication, something for what? What is that? That's what you have to, you have to inject that so that you cream? Not inject it. But you put it on the dilator and then it's lured. So you don't get wet. No, you do.

1:04:51But it's. But you have to put something in there to get wet. Yeah, because it's a surgical equipment. But you don't get wet. Your body, naturally. Yes, it does. What's this for? But you need more. You need more lubrication, for sure. It's because it's a medical instrument. So you don't get wet enough. Not for a medical device. Oh, why are you getting so many of these? Because you got a couple. I have to go through it. For what? What is this? So once you get the surgery down there, you have to dilate. Yeah, bottom surgery. You have to dilate how often? Twice a day. For why? Forever? Yeah, to keep.

1:05:28No, not forever. No, no. For the first year. For the first year. For what? To keep the surgery from closing. It'll close? For the first year? It'll close? Your vagina will close? The body treats it like an open wound for the first year. You have a clit? Yeah. And that was? the tip. Whoa. Yeah. Whoa. That's crazy. Yeah. Your tip is now your clip. Yeah. Definitely not as much sensation as a clip. Probably. I mean. No, not even close. I can't speak to that. Well, just nerve endings. It's not even close. Okay. So who here is trying to slide in your DMs? Ryan, is he? No. Allie? No, these are all just friends from work.

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1:07:46to download DollarWise today, you'll get just a try for free, plus three months for just$9.99. So you can finally take control and see what your money has been doing behind your back, click below to get started. Well, this is just a lot of people to be, like, sending dick pics to that you work with. What? DW? What? Oh. Let's see what DW said. So fine. Where are you filming? Oh my goodness. Dude. I'm telling you. Listen, if you want a hot guy, just fuck the position. He is really cute. Yeah, Colton would do so many bottoms. Wow. Do so many bottoms. Okay, I understand. Jeez. So are you sure you would be able to hold down a live stream?

1:08:37Because, again, you're not able to have a conversation. I guess not. I thought I could. No. For sure. No. Really? Have you listened to yourself this conversation? It seems that I don't know. I feel like I've normally been able to do it. Okay. So what did you finance for$9 ,000 with a finance charge of an additional$9 ,222? Oh, is that the upstart? Is it? You tell me. Okay. What'd you do upstart? Oh my God. The upstart. Why, what, when, how? Please try. Oh God. That's back right before COVID. I believe? During COVID? Yes. 2021? No, 24. October 24. Oh, oh. A year and a couple months ago. Gotcha.

1:09:24Yes. That one was to cover the other one that I had during COVID. You said it only cost a couple thousand dollars. This is already nine. Right, but I took out that one to cover what I had left of the other one. Oh, what other one? The one that I had before. Oh, the other upstart loan? Yeah. You took out a$9 ,000 upstart loan to pay off an upstart loan. Yeah. So you're giving them endless interest forever. Well, yeah. You're paying for their entire company, their entire headquarters, funded by you. Just me. Yes. It was to pay off LASIK and the credit card that I had before it. LASIK, why'd you have to do LASIK?

1:10:03Because I don't want our glasses. You don't want, exactly, want. You don't have to do that. What's more important, butt cheeks or LASIK? Okay. Okay. LASIK was very important. What, you're telling me that's not a valid question in this conversation? That's true. Yeah, it's true. I wanted to not have to wear glasses because I can't do contacts. Oh, that's why you did LASIK? Who would have thought? Yeah, that's why it was important. Shut the f*** up. I don't know what the balance on this now is because that interest is going to be accruing throughout. I don't know. I assume it hasn't gone anywhere.

1:10:36No, doubt it. Probably not. Plus a prepaid finance charge, so that principal became 10. I'll mark it at 9. I highly doubt it's that low yet, but it's a monthly payment of 304. Yep. 304.04. Yep. Yeah, that's going to f***ing stack. And what was your original upstart for in 2021, I'm being told? In 2021, the original upstart, I think, was like 12 ,000. Oh, my goodness. What was it for? Oh. Why did you take it out? I told you that's what it was for. The LASIK, Hang Off Mid. Oh, that's right. Sorry. Yeah. Or not Depakard. I was the R.I.P. at that time. Yes. It is spreading. Hopefully it doesn't go over there.

1:11:19You're wearing old women perfume. Oh, no. I'm so offended by that. Oh, my goodness. Oh, do your parents support your lifestyle? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's good. It is. Why do you owe them$40 ,000? That's insanity. That is crazy. What the? No, no. What the? What the? That has to be one of the largest parent loans we've ever had, right? That's crazy. $40 ,000 for what? They helped pay my first breast augmentation. No, no, no. No. Then you lied at the beginning of the conversation. You literally told me the surgeries out of pocket for you have only cost a few thousand dollars. Yes, for the ones that I currently have right now, but the ones before.

1:12:02You had previous boobs. Yes. What? And so you owed them$40 ,000 for boobs that don't even exist? Okay, the$40 ,000 wasn't all for that. That other part is student loans as well. So they paid off my student loans and then the first century. Oh my goodness. You went to school for what? Ah, good question. Music. Started. Vocal performance. Like opera. Realize what happened with that. Oh, that Ave Maria was with actual training that happened at a university? Yeah, from a while ago. Oy. Oh my God. You're totally not giving me. Oh my God. You should see my Instagram where it's actually like, I'm ready to sing.

1:12:40Well, okay, whatever. Vocal performance. And then after that, I went to live audio, like working on the stages and stuff. And then behind the scenes, like music industry. Yeah. Yeah. This is before I transitioned. When did you transition? Or 2019. Okay. So you were on stage. Well, back, back, audio, background. Yeah. Okay. Good. Then. So I went all around the music department at school. Like every single thing you could do. And did you graduate? I did graduate. Oh, and what? Music education. It was music education? Yeah. You went to elementary school? Yep. High school for a year. Eh? Really? Before I transitioned.

1:13:20But choir? Choir. Ah. Because you were a band person, yeah? The least interesting of all. No. I loved choir. Well, yeah, you're gay. Yeah. But you liked the band. Which is why I thought I was bi. No, I'm not. Because of band? I like vagina. Regular ones. You don't know that. I don't know. I haven't experienced. You don't know that, yeah. I haven't experimented, and my girlfriend doesn't have one, so I guess I won't. Sure. She just has the normal. Yep. Vagina classic, we call them. No, it's just vagina. Not a neo-vagina. Vagina classic. Natural. No, no monthly injections for that one. Monthly? It's weekly.

1:14:02Oh, for f***ing. You have to buy a toy some month. Okay, okay, so the parents. Now, this was years ago then. When did they do this? When did they... Give you the 40 ,000 hours, you person, you person. No, no, no, no, no, that wasn't years ago. When was it then? Just recently. When was it? Please. August. Please. Is there like a minimum monthly payment? There will be, yeah. What was that agreed on? When does it start? How much did you agree on it with them? That hasn't been decided yet. Then how can you say it's going to start quickly? Because I told them I want to pay off my upstart loan first so I can put that money.

1:14:46And did they agree? Yep. But you're not rapidly paying off your upstart. In fact, a lot of your money has to go to the Apple Card because you spend an endless amount of money and bullshit on your Apple Card. Duh. I'll let you use the Fizz card, debit card that builds credit Yeah And whenever you decide to get a better paying job Which I mean you actually do okay I thought it was pretty good, I just got promoted Well yes, except you thought you made$1 ,500 less Doesn't matter, I'll get you an accounting certification So you can actually look at your shit Through course careers It's good shit It is I know you signed up for one of the classes But you get all the classes with it No I signed up for the whole thing The master of your money?

1:15:29Yeah. Good. Well, we'll make sure the rest of it is for free. And then right after, thank you. Right after that is when I got. Yeah, make sure you're active in the community. A lot of people holding each other accountable. So make sure you do that. Listen, okay. So I don't even know what to put for a minimum payment there. You got kickoff. Okay. We talked about that. That's fine though. You just do that as a normal thing. But that's all your debt. Just those three debts. Apple, Upstart, and parents. Nothing else? Nope. What's your car situation? I paid it off. You paid it off? Yes. And why the f*** are you f***ing with all this extra shit if you pay off a car?

1:16:04Well, wait. If you were good enough to pay off a car, why are you f***ing with all this other debt? Oh my goodness. Part of the upstart was paying off the original upstart that paid off the car.

1:16:21Okay. Checking account. Oh my goodness. What is this? What is this Apple thing? What the f***? Provisional credit, provisional credit? What is this? I got hacked. What? I got hacked, so I had to cancel everything. Oh my goodness, it was like a whole... Oh my goodness, they took so much money! I'm glad you got that reversed, right? From the sounds of it? Yep. Okay, good. We got it now, but it just doesn't look great on the... Oh my goodness, and then Apple purchase, Apple purchase, Apple purchase. This is crazy. It was from them still, right? Yeah. Yeah, all throughout. And something with Metapay.

1:16:53$1 ,499 Metapay? Exactly. That was the thing that tipped me off that I was getting hacked. That's crazy. Okay. You went inside, got some bullshit. Culver's again. Netflix, Domino's. Starbucks, Starbucks. Stop with that, dude. Amazon, KFC, Amazon. One month member something. Starbucks, Corbin's, KFC, Fortnite. Yeah. We're really living it up COVID, aren't you? I thought I canceled that a while ago No No, haven't done it No Apple bill, Apple bill, Starbucks Going in and getting some energy drinks Do some bullshit Starbucks again, asshole Apple bill, Starbucks Apple bill MetaPay, MetaPay, Starbucks, Starbucks MetaPay's not me None of them?

1:17:51Okay Well, those are a dollar each I know. I know. Your Starbucks were multi-dollars. Multi-dollars? Yes. Apple bill. Another meta pay. Oh, there it is. That's that one. And Apple bill. Then Venmin out money. Venmin out money. And Zellen out money. Crazy. $5 ,000 in the savings. That's actually pretty good. I mean. Do you have that? Well, okay. Let's see your fidelity. You pulled from your 401k. But not fidelity, though. What was in your 401k? Because now you only have$1 ,700 for retirement. Right. Which at 32 is horrendous and disgusting and horribly behind and you're f***ed. Yeah, I know. So how much?

1:18:29How much did you pull out? 23. Oh my gosh. But it wasn't through Fidelity. Okay, and then, oh, you just also just blew 2 ,500 on your checking account. For what? For the TV. Oh, for moving. No, for moving. Oh, the moving on top of the TV. Oh, what did you do? Why does it cost so much money for people to move? What is wrong with you? No. I have never I have never spent even remotely that much money I had to move and I have money I had to move from and I move endlessly Fargo, North Dakota Oh, Fargo to Minneapolis Uh-huh I moved from Kalamazoo, Michigan to Austin with like a couple hundred bucks What the f*** is wrong with you?

1:19:08What did you bring? I sold everything and packed up my sedan Why'd you have to Yeah, it would've been cheaper to just get some you shit in Marketplace Yeah, I didn't sell anything Yeah, no shit My last stuff What the f*** How could you afford that in your checking account? Dude? Worked a lot overtime before that. Did you? Before I got promoted. Okay, because you're a salary now. Yeah, yeah. That's why I moved, because I got promoted. That's why you moved? It's not because you were forced out of the... When did you leave that teacher job? Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. 2023? Okay, that wasn't that long ago.

1:19:45How'd you have to think about it that hard? Okay. So why'd you leave? I mean, you said you were forced to leave. Yeah. I left because I didn't want to be monitored. Like, if I wasn't able to do my job as a teacher and, like, have that be enough. But maybe it would have blown over the controversy. No, because I was literally called down to the principal's office. They told you to stop. Yeah. Then stop posting. You're a teacher. During the day. Yes, but stop posting it if that's the rules. Really? Why was that? Why is you posting titties online more important? Because that was something that was making money off as well.

1:20:23Huh? Making your what? I was making money off that as well. Oh, come on. Was it comparable? Then where's that money today? Yeah, good question. Uh-huh. Spent it. So did you quit at the end of a school year? Yeah. Thank goodness. I wouldn't leave in the middle. Well, I don't know. With you, I don't know. So another reason that I left Fargo was because of the roommate situation that I was in. The roommate situation. What was that? It was... An anti-trans? No, it was a trans person. Okay, so you guys were transing it up, touching fake clits. Oh, God. Ugh, no. No, no, no. No. You're the one with one.

1:21:05I don't know. I'm not disgusted by it. I was the one. My roommate was an older person that transitioned older. Are we ageist? No, but I'm just telling you the situation. I put them through tranny boot camp essentially what? tranny boot camp I'm also sure the parents of the school loves that you have a tranny boot camp well but that was afterwards I'm kidding come on tell me

1:21:37so I had no one when I transitioned so I wanted to try to feed that person for somebody and long story short they ended up falling in love with me Okay, well, tell them no. I did. Okay, there you go. What? How old were they? How old were you? 63. Damn. And how old were you? 32. Why are your roommates with them, weirdo? To help them. I needed a roommate, and they needed a roommate as well. Oh, what a mistake. It was. Okay, so what happened then? 100%. That you had to emergency spend$2 ,500 to move. Well, that and the manager. What happened? But they were very protective, overprotective of me, weirdly, and jealous of guys that I would hang out with.

1:22:23They were guys. What? That you would f***? Oh, yes, hang out with. Yes. Got you, got you, got you. You are not smart. And to the point where, like, they got very, very violent. And in what way to who and how? To me. So they're protecting you, so they hit you? No. To, like... The guys? The straight men? Yeah, essentially, but the guys weren't there. They would fight the straight men? No, they wouldn't actually fight the straight men. What are you saying? You said they got violent. Yes. Or they? They did get violent. They did get violent. They had a gun, so that made me very uncomfortable. Did they shoot someone?

1:23:03No. Where's the violence? They had one. They, like, threatened to. They threatened to shoot you? Not me. The guys. Did he threaten the guys? Yes. He threatened them. He said, I will shoot you. I will kill you. Okay, there it is. That is bad. That is bad. Yeah, so I was on the... I understand wanting to move from that. Well, it just... I didn't want to be with someone that was in love with me in that weird way. Well, yeah, that's weird. But also, if you set your boundary and they're like, chill with it, it should be okay. No, but they're not chill with it. But they're not with it. There was no boundaries.

1:23:35Uh-huh. That was the problem. Yes, I agree. Did you guys... God, no. Okay. Did you see it? No. You never saw it? No. He was in love with you and he never tried to manipulate that. Okay, that's good. Well, he tried, but he didn't like force. They did. Okay, good. But I was like. Good. Yeah, draw your line. That's good. Always draw a line. No. You like that. You can advocate for yourself. So many people can't these days. Yeah, I needed to get out of that situation plus getting promoted. Oh, you had to call the cops on him. Almost. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Oh, almost. And that was the point where I was like, okay, this needs to change.

1:24:11All right, let's make you a budget.

1:24:15Okay, I mean, what's your rent? $1 ,650. $1 ,650. You said internet, gas, electric utilities are all included in that? Yep, in garage. Okay, well, I wasn't, okay. Part of it. $25 for the Apple card and$304.04 for the upstart. No minimum payments to the parents yet. So that makes your debt to minimum monthly payments$329.04. Okay. Vroom, vroom, drive, drive, gasoline to run over the protesters. How much? $20. A month? You live right next to the coffee shop? Yep. Literally? Yep. Okay. And it's a Prius. I'm not going to say the word. I'm not going to call you one. Car insurance, how much? $75. What?

1:25:09That's incredible. Phone bill? 110. You owe on your phone? I have the Apple upgrade program. Okay, I would do healing anyway. It's like 15 bucks a month. Can that work? Yes, I think so. You would just have to get off that program. That's the problem. Why is your undernose wet this entire conversation? Does it just drain with all the things you've done? Yeah, sure. Does it? No, I think it's the makeup. Huh? I think it happens sometimes with makeup. Okay. Well, you're not sniffing. No, no, no, no. No. Groceries, 300 bucks a month. Use the meal plan and the cookbook and all that good stuff that comes with Master Your Money.

1:25:55That I have. That's exactly. If you find anything else you need to survive, I'm going to make you 175 instead of 100 because you need extra things. Thank you. You don't need tampons though. Nope. Which is nice. Nope. I don't even need to performatively have that okay do some that's a thing

1:26:15medical healthcare co-pays on a monthly basis come on I know you got you don't have medication to take yeah but it's not a monthly thing you don't have co-pays it's every three months how much for that $75 I'll put like$30 $25 you have a gym okay Okay. Subscriptions, I'll put in 50. You have any pets? Nope. That's good. You're not playing on it, are you? No. That's good. Anything else I need to put in this budget? You put... It's pretty lean, which is great, honestly. I don't know how you're f***ing up, but what? I mean, spending habits is what's f***ing up. Yes, that's what I'm saying. And the fact that I overspent by that much, I'm so gagged.

1:27:06Nope, it's not happening. Okay, needed to survive on a monthly basis. $2 ,734.04. You make five.

1:27:20You shouldn't have to take out money from your parents. You have an extra$2 ,200 on a monthly basis. Give you$200 for fun. You have$2 ,000 left on a monthly basis. Apple's paid off in a month. Don't use it again. You can use the Fizz card. what is wrong with you okay upstart is paid off in about four four months yeah dude because you actually have money even with spending $400 on fund and with your $2 ,350 you have left on a monthly basis at that point $2 ,300 at that point takes a year and a quarter to pay off your parents this is all done a year and three quarters two years max then you get a fully funded emergency fund and then you start contributing to retirement again.

1:28:05Maybe 50, 25, 25, 50 % on living, 25 % for fun, 25 % for investing and you have a great life. Okay, we have a lot of crazy things to talk about in the post show and a lot of crazy things are going to happen in the post show. You can already tell. Brandon, get ready. Get the hands ready for squeezing. Join Hammer Elite. I'm going to get the Hammer Financial Score done first and then make sure you click that join button for Hammer Elite. best membership on YouTube. Number one, three shows a day, six days a week. Spending your budget, you overspend zero out of ten. Debt, otherwise, but the parent loan kind of sucks, but I'll say two out of ten.

1:28:40Parent loan brings it down. Emergency fund, and the upstart is pretty brutal as well. Emergency fund, is about a three out of ten. Retirement, not good. One out of ten. Real estate, zero out of ten. You shouldn't have said you were a zero with that little bit of savings you had. That doesn't really make sense. Hammer financial score, 1.5 out of 10. Get yours at CalebHammer.com. Now join us for an extra 20 minutes in the Hammer or in the Financial Auto Post show. See you there. You got to call your parents. It is time to own up. You got to own the f*** up for your mistakes. Call them now. When were we planning on starting that repayment?

1:29:16I mentioned it a couple of times. I don't know. Maybe dad has too. I think I would be able to pay it back in. Hey guys, don't forget about free cash linked in the description and pinned comment below.