Professional Victim Is Pathetic | Financial Audit

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0:30What do you do in Lake Mary for a living? Well, I work at home as a sales and solution specialist for Walt Disney World. You work from home? From home, yes. Okay, you don't work. Okay. I work from home. As a sales and solution specialist. Sales and solution specialist. It's a fancy term for customer service. Oh, sure. What are we making? $19.95 an hour. I think it puts me at$37. Living at home. Wait, working out. Okay. When people say home, especially when we're talking 21, does that mean we're living with the parents? I live with my girlfriend's parents right now. Oh, okay. So not your parents.

1:06Okay. All right. So 1995? Yes. What do you think comes in on a monthly basis on average from that? Hits your account. About 600 a week. So that times for 2 ,400 after tax. So I actually had payroll of 3 ,647. Oh. Okay. I've been doing overtime as well. we do mandatory overtime mandatory over mandatory so how many hours are you working uh it was eight hours mandatory for one week and then 10 for another so like 50 hour weeks guess it's a way to make money what do you think your average is is 3647 on the high i would say that's pretty high i'd say my average is more like 2800 okay all right so what is going on here because Obviously, we have a mess, as most cases with this show.

2:02So I want to know what is going on. Yeah, so my mom kind of is the root of my relationship with money. I kind of have like a idea that it's not real. What? Yeah, like I'm very spiritual. Because your mom. Can't tell. My mom is too. And so we're just kind of like money comes back to us. Whatever we spend, it comes back in tenfold. Okay, well, that's not how capitalism works. It's not, but it's been working for me now. Has it? Has it? I've seen your statements. It's a mindset. That's going to be an interesting thing. It's a mindset. Brandon, keep track of that clip. I think I'm going to have you bring that one back.

2:41And what do you mean you got it from your mom? So you mean your mom just taught you that this is not important? Yeah. Money to her, it's not a thing. She's overdrafting her accounts all the time. So are you? Yes. because of me going with her to the atm she would tell me oh if you have a credit union you could just take this out and you'll pay it back on your next paycheck so i went into like a whole cycle of doing that for a little bit um and she doesn't pay her bills um and what's her situation right now she has no job and i have younger siblings as well how the yeah so how's she living she's They're behind on mortgage, behind on cars.

3:22So they're going to lose the home. They're going to lose the cars. Yeah. We're kind of a move. And you look up to that. That is what you're like, oh, that right there. That's what I want. I wouldn't say I look up to it, but I feel like I've been accustomed to it. It seems like the perfect learning lesson, though. Yeah. I'm not going to throw anyone under the bus because they're doing well now, especially. And I'm very happy for them. But I grew up in a really bad financial situation. And that gave me the, you know, really strong desire, always entrepreneurial, always wanting to, you know, make something for myself and be successful and build stuff that are successful because coming from a place where, you know, we were raised very much lower middle class.

4:03When I was born, if that, that's even being lucky. Yeah. So why you seen everything go to cars get repoed, foreclosure notices on house. how does that not put a fire under your never again I think my problem is I'm so self aware of the issue but I don't know how to turn it around I think it's a generational curse curse so it's inflicted by the world not by yourself see if you immediately don't take responsibility for our own situations what are we ever going to do to get out of it what sacrifices are we ever going to make if we just think that it's it's ordained you know manifested away well obviously you know that's not it's been working a little bit no it hasn't no it hasn't i have this sorry they don't they don't know your situation so they're like what's he freaking out about that's the dumbest thing i've ever had with any knowledge going into this why don't you manifest a score for me real quick from zero to 10 zero being the worst finances 10 being the best finances what do you uh think your situation is self-assessed self-assessed probably a four explain oh i don't think it's not hitting the table i think i'm not bad off for my age i don't think i have a lot of debt i haven't missed payments until recently that's all that matters i i know i didn't realize how bad it dropped you Do you think most people your age do not pay their credit card bills?

5:40No. Question, do you think most people their age are overdrafted on every single account? It's not every account. It's just the one. But no. Question, do you think every people your age are taking pay advances? Little micro payday loans? No. So you think you're doing well for your age? For my situation, yes. How? How? How? I literally just round of just I just gave a big old spoiler alert of your entire situation. And that's. Yeah. Like for how I grew up. I mean, it could be worse. I haven't had any repossession. OK. I make it work with what I got. And I'm pretty much alone in everything. I don't have.

6:24I thought you said you live with your girlfriend's parents. Yeah. It's not alone. It's not alone. And I appreciate them a lot. But it's not the same as your own family. Sure. But you also have a girlfriend, right? Yeah. okay she's not helping much finance now people that come from poorer places obviously they do have a harder time getting up the ladder that is absolutely true yeah do you think your behavior though do you think self-assess it's that or your behavior right now that is playing the primary cause yeah i think i'm a little impulsive and i reflect on it later i think is it because you grew up poor or because both is it and trying to get out of that mindset but yeah miscellaneous bulls**t spent about a thousand bucks fun fact math additions yeah oh my gosh so is it because you were raised poor or is it because of your behavior i guess it's a little bit of my behavior a little bit yes like 25 25 of my debt is from my behavior the rest is i think situational that like that is circumstances that happen to me yeah circumstances that are beyond your control yeah completely not completely nothing you could have ever done listen i have i have it's not that i don't have sympathy it's just immediately when people try to say it's everything outside of me that immediately makes me concerned because when i okay i know your situation so let's go into it so that they have more context yeah gotta remember it's not just a conversation between me and you i have to remember that there are people right there there are people right there and thank you for being here thank you if you watch your hammer financial score it's free link in the description below and make sure to check our investing and budgeting course while you're there which we give you access to for free as well great um so hopefully that'll help give it your parents and stuff as well it sounds like they need it okay so let's just start with one card the capital one card specifically yeah forgot about that one what do you mean you forgot about it closed so i've just pretended it wasn't there yeah it closed because they cannot have you spend any more money on it because fun fact fun fact three hundred dollars is the credit limit what do you think you're at i haven't looked what do you think you're at 300 is the credit limit what do you think you're at 375 413 i don't even know the last time i paid that why so my question is why why didn't you at least make the minimum monthly payments like a semi-responsible adult i i didn't remember it was there when i got auto pay when i got a new phone all my apps were deleted and i oh i never set it up what do you mean what do you mean what phone did you switch to and from i switched to the same phone but i had to get what phone was it the 13 so iphone yeah iphone the the apps come automatically download yeah but you have to like tap it for it to come back and because i can't use the card i just didn't redownload the app why didn't you have it on auto pay and also that's like the worst excuse i've ever heard in my life but either way why don't you have the auto pay i literally i don't even know why i don't like to have money taken out of my account i like to be but it's not your money it's not but i like to be in control of when i want to spend my money and on what and i don't like auto pay oh i know you like to spend your money yeah we'll get there and yeah it's closed anyway so i didn't see like a benefit and like you want to know benefit right now you're getting charged 40 in fees nine dollars and 86 cents in interest oh my gosh i just did not realize that one was that bad there is past two feet 40 bucks and you're gonna get slammed these every month and you have 170 this year so far oh my gosh and it's sitting there at a 30.74 interest rate and you're not touching it you refuse to acknowledge it even exists yeah you're just like if you don't think about it it'll go away well to be very clear you're not a credit card person never use a credit card are you in school yes okay then just use the fizz card dude it's what i recommend to everyone on the show so if you if you're obsessed with the credit score thing it helps you there yeah but you you need a charge card that's automatically paid off you cannot have access to like full-on credit it says it is not working for you oh guess what guys spoiler alert we have a past due second account let's go in let's go in shall we a little a little past due let's see late charges$19 past due amount$832 oh my god total amount due$1 ,290 first investors what what is this what even is this my car financer my loan this is your car you only had a hundred oh no i see it it was oh i read the long line kill me now yeah sorry i'm reacting to the debt not to it's bad it's bad but this is insane this is crazy what is this car what is this car 2018 honda civic i bought it used how many miles 12 or 112 000 okay guess what how much do you think you owe because you don't seem to know that for them so let's see what do you think you owe for that i know i think it's like 19 000 like it's a lot 18 000 which is i just refinanced too it was worse.

12:06You refinance. Someone let you in your credit history refinance make $33 ,000 a year net. We have an$18 ,745 $54 car debt. $18 ,745. I don't know what the regular minimum monthly payment is. It's$430 ,000. And we're not paying it. You're not paying your bills, dude. You're not paying your damn bills. Why have you chosen not to pay this one? I went on a vacation see see there see see play the clip brandon play the clip where she i think it's a generational curse like that curse curse so it's so it's inflicted by the world not by yourself see if you immediately obviously it's you you that's you that's not what the world the world didn't say you must go on a vacation or we will murder you and your entire family that's not what the world said you did that that was a choice you did so how is a vacation possibly possibly more important than your car payment let me guess well you work from home how can you use your car i only use it so i work at home three days a week and then two days in the office you do have to go to the office and how far away are you from the office like 30 to 40 minutes okay so you need this car to have your job right yeah and we are choosing a vacation over this meaning you can lose your job after this gets repoed in a few, you know, in months down the road.

13:31How many, how many, how many, how many, where are we in terms of how many mists? How many mists are we at? It's only those two, I think. That's a start. That's a start of a fucking cycle. Especially when, shocker, we have no money in our checking account because we decided to. What was the vacation? What was the vacation? A big group of us went to Puerto Rico in March. You went to Puerto Rico. You don't get to go to Puerto Rico. But it was fun. that's thrilling is it gonna be fun when the car is taken from you and then you can't work and then your insane situation that's already terrible gets worse because you don't have an income because you can't drive to work because our country relies on car infrastructure in order to be able to get to work so that's what you're forced to do but all of a sudden you can't do it because guess what you don't have a car because you didn't make your payments and it's taken by the bank then they sell it what do they sell it for well they probably get it for six thousand seven hundred thirty because that's what the car is worth and then you you owe the remaining balance yeah that's right you're underwater by twelve thousand dollars twelve thousand dollars on this twelve thousand dollars so you can't even sell it and even try to do any kind of fancy little maneuvering and it doesn't work right now no it doesn't work that's also why i didn't pay last month because it's not been working but first of all that's not how that's work i know that's work i lost my credit card i don't have to pay it this is not working oh the little the little chip on it broke i don't have to pay it it's not working yeah it's not working it won't start so sitting at a mechanic because i don't want to pay for that either well what broke the ecm the engine control module how much does that cost what is it quoted 860 dollars 860 so how are you getting to work i've been using my girlfriend's sister's car oh yeah she lives there as well no but she had an extra car so we've been using that because my girlfriend how long are you allowed to use that before they're like her parents are really lax so it's a sister's car yeah but under her parents name oh so they're pretty much lax about it but i really don't like to use her stuff you know but i can't afford that and they offered to pay that too to get my car fixed but why'd you say no i don't want to be indebted to people oh it was going to be a debt it wasn't going to be a gift well i don't know i didn't ask further i just said no i'm good i'll figure it out But you're not good.

15:48Yeah. I like to think I am, but... But you're not. Yeah. Let's do reality here for a second. We're not manifesting. So I'm going to be gifted to you. Have you ever been scrolling through your bank statements and seen that you've been paying for a subscription that you completely forgot about? I know. It's a horrible feeling. Thankfully for me, I haven't experienced that in a long time. And it's all thanks to today's sponsor, Rocket Money. Rocket Money is the personal finance app that helps you cancel subscriptions, lower bills, and manage your precious money a whole lot better. This app is a total game changer and I'm excited to share how it's been saving me money.

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17:26Money doesn't come around. Money's not coming around. You're not making your payments. This is your second account. This is your second account that is passed due. What money is coming around? Because it's not coming. yeah well randomly i got like a 600 check from my past car financer out of nowhere wow 600 that's good it helps to pay things you know and get me out of the negatives at least so you think you think all the money that you've spent is coming back to you when you've only gotten 600 randomly that's just one instance but yes you blow 30 000 a year minimum minimum minimum so why is that not gotten back to you it takes time you have to be patient i mean i believe in it and that's what's going to get me through okay so well you know that's not how reality works belief isn't if i believe this calculator is going to uh fly off rob a bank give me all the money and then i can retire and it's like yeah yeah yeah happy day that doesn't mean it's going to happen and then if i believe harder it doesn't mean it's really going to happen so I have nothing wrong with beliefs and you know especially when we talk about different religions you don't believe whatever the f*** you want that's great but when you get so ignorant to the reality of the world around you that you don't do what's necessary to actually improve your life because your belief is so delusional that it just completely f*** you and keeps you in a position where you're endlessly f***ed then what benefit is it?

18:45There's no benefit you're not being benefited there's no benefit well you just you don't believe in that so you could say that. You know why I don't believe in it? Why? Because it's f***ing dumb okay okay i mean come on girl this is this is this is money this is this is money you work to get money you put it towards the bills and that's how this works you don't dream that the tooth fairy is going to put money under your pillow they might you know i've gone out of a lot of other from manifesting i have i had a collection i didn't pay a penny i got it off you know what do you mean yeah collections fall off that's what happens well it hasn't been seven years i'm only 21 and they've just given up or maybe a challenge or you don't know i disputed it and then it got oh that's not manifesting you disputed it you pushed the yeah they could have denied it though they could yeah but that's not because you manifested and that's because that's how the system works okay okay that's not how that works it's how it works in my world your world is the same world we live in okay no this is dangerous that you actually think this way i know i'm gonna get on someone's belief but it's dangerous that you think it that way because you're literally relying on that belief to save you and you know relying on that belief to save you has led us to the two things we're looking at right now have missed payments literally two out of two documents have missed payments so is that philosophy working evidence says no reality says no and having that is literally dangerous because i don't want to see you under a bridge i don't want to see you get this car repoed i don't want to see you just die in poverty never being able to retire i don't want to see that you're a human being on this planet you matter but there are realities we must face in the economic condition of this united states the economic structure yeah you could be against it cool demonstrate that it's valid vox but i'm not going to lead you astray in terms of you know what to actually do and how to face it and navigate it yeah and guess what in capitalism manifesting isn't one of the tenets of it it's not one of the pillars but it oh when i know when i thought it too much it just makes me like sad and feel like a failure so it's better to be positive well well not exactly but sometimes yes like i i will come to a middle ground with you on that one yes i'm not saying i want you to get overly depressed about your dad because that's also not going to get you out of bed yeah but i don't want you to sit there and think positive about it either because that also prevents you from getting out of bed and going and doing the work necessary to get out of it so i don't want you to go to the extremes of any meat uh of either one of those you know yeah so it's it's not about sitting and crying it's also not about sitting like oh everything's great i'm gonna you know go through filled the flowers that's not what this is and you know what i mean let's be be real about the word failure like it's it's a hard thing right now because of where you are the reality is yes you are a personal financial failure but that isn't a death sentence it's not a stamp that stays around forever you have the choice to get out of that and that's okay most people that come on this show are personal financial failures i was a personal financial failure a decade ago you know and it lasted for quite a few years until i did what was necessary to actually get out of it you can be a personal financial success right now you are a failure yeah and that is just the reality of the situation because we're not going to coddle what kind of benefit is going to do to coddle like i'm not going to lead you to think you're doing great when you're not but take that and do what is necessary to get out of it and we'll talk about that by the end of the conversation yeah you said you refinanced it uh what's the rate at the interest rate before i refinanced it was a 27 i refinanced now i don't even know what it's i think 17 or 18 oh that's usually the rate people would want to refinance from i know i just i really needed a car at the time yeah so i rushed into it and you definitely got one way more expensive than you could afford i mean it was like when did you get this it must have been like 20 000 at the time I got it March last year.

22:58My other car, I was almost done paying it off, and then I got an accident. Okay. And I got totaled. Insurance? Yeah, I got a payout, obviously, and I used that to get a dealership car. Oh, this dealership. F*** you. And they told me I wasn't comprehending. This dealership needs to start an OnlyFans with how often they're f***ing. Yeah. This is crazy. Essentially, I was paying for two cars with my previous loan. So I got out of that at least, but. Yeah. It's not any better. I am considering getting a new car because I don't want to pay the$860 to get the one out of the mechanic. But wait a minute.

23:34Wait a minute. That doesn't take away your minimum monthly payment from your other car, though. Like, what is it? Voluntary repossession? Like, just give it back. Yeah. Because, I mean, I'm under. But again, after that, even, like, you're still going to owe so much. Like, what are they going to get from it, you know? I haven't thought that far. I just know that. I rushed too fast into that car and I just want to get out of it and get a cash car or something to get me out of that loan. But I don't want my, well, my credit's already, but I don't want it worse. I mean, you're still going to have to pay like$13 ,000 after the repossession volunteer.

24:14So like it's not still helping. Yeah.

24:23so are you gonna do a different strategy getting this new car what's just gonna do cash and i mean if i at least pay the car in cash i could keep i guess paying the minimum payments for the loan if i can't get completely out of it but they're the cards i'm like putting in so much money for it for what so what kind of car are looking at i mean this is a terrible idea like a toyota something more reliable no more hondas i know but like my friend was shopping for one similar uh for the same reasons um they're not going for cheap right now yeah like it's so what are you gonna you're gonna take it on another 20 000 what's your what's your uh what's your credit score uh it went down after the late payments severely severely i was at 660 before now am i like 515 if you get if you get qualified for another car loan even though you're still gonna have something it's gonna be at the most predatory interest rate i've ever seen yeah this doesn't make sense that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard in my life please don't do that please don't do that put the put the repair in but there's a recall on it and then it's gonna be they don't have the part on my car there's a recall on the fuel pump so it's another six months until that part comes and i'm just feeling like what does the mechanic say about that the fuel pump is fine right now okay but i've been showing like signs of it kind of is that what the mechanic said or is that what you think that's what my girlfriend's dad said but the mechanic only said it's electrical right now i think well i think i more care about the mechanic and you have gap insurance you said yeah i yeah i mean i i i wouldn't I don't know.

26:13Even with a voluntary possession. I don't know. I don't know. That's something I wouldn't do, but let's look at the full situation before we decide that officially. Yeah. I mean, pretty clearly, probably not, but we have a Discover card. Please don't have missing on this. Oh, you're not missing. Oh, wait. What is this? Wait a second. $97 minimum payment. I need to look at the next page. $817 balance Oh my gosh, a private line is$750 So you had a Like a negative payment towards you Oh, because you tried to pay it And it was returned Probably because you didn't have enough money in your account Yeah, and I lock my cards too sometimes Huh?

26:58I lock my cards as well So bills don't come out No, like my checking account Oh my gosh, what have you gotten yourself into? I know You said you're in school i am studying what psychology

27:15okay well you're gonna what do you want to do i'm assuming it's gonna take a master's i want to just be a counselor for school or like a social worker i'm in between so i think it's like a master's yeah so we're thinking more school yes we're thinking more time social workers are making more money these days um which is good to see but even still that's more time more debt because i'm like i want to increase this income i do have a part-time job right now too well i'll gift you a certification through course careers i love them for the tech but you know that's up to you but obviously i love going down go down the path you want to go down that's great i mean it's a good path it's a lot of school it's a lot of money and right now your income situation i feel like just an empty account leaving this balance of 856 dollars getting 19.81 of interest at a 27.24 interest rate having a return payment because there was not enough money in checking account is that your girlfriend no but she is the one who got us together me and my girlfriend okay does your girlfriend know how absolutely you are she's like in the same boat a little bit too so are you guys enabling each other in that case i are her parents enabling each other in that case i would say we kind of are enabling each other in a way you know i'm the one who convinced her to get her first credit card and then she hasn't paid it so yeah you're the person to listen to for financial advice because I wanted her to be better than I was.

28:56And you having a credit card was good? To start building her credit and using it the right way. Fiz card. Charge cards, guys. Charge cards. Yeah. Still doesn't help if you don't have enough money in your checking account.

29:15So essentially, in reality, in the end, you manifested her getting credit cards. It wasn't my intent, no. I really didn't have... it i had her best interest at heart it doesn't matter does that matter does that matter if in the end they're because of a thing you recommended it i mean i feel bad but i mean she's her own person yeah but she trusted you followed your recommendation yeah and she knew the and you know her the i was in and she still and you know her though yeah discipline obviously quite lacking okay it probably wasn't the best decision feel free to manifest yourself going over to calebhammer.com slash apply if you want to be on the show by the way all right let's talk about manifestation we'll see i don't know i'll probably meme on it for the episode because it is a meme i wouldn't want to live like a meme but that's your choice it is your choice premiere first premiere why is the friend here not the girlfriend my girlfriend was working good needs to 559 dollars owed on this one 23 cents uh first premier bank okay credit card of some kind credit limit 400 we're over at 459 i'm not really shocked at this point oh there's fees i wonder what that is i don't see a minimum monthly payment being made right yeah we're just we're we're just selling it it's selling in every way right now i'm sorry i i'm just i'm honestly i'm disgusted at the debt i promise i'm not overly disgusted at you more disgusted by the debt but it just brings out just the just the in me all right guys today i've got something awesome to share that goes beyond financial advice let's talk about skin care because yes even us guys need to take care of our skin and that's why I look so young and pretty.

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32:34Use my code hammer and you get an incredible 70 % off this trial and if you decide you want to add any extras you can get those up to 50 off as well trust me your skin will thank you 12 of interest 36 25 cents of fees there's a monthly fee for this card great and then you had a late fee great you've had 183 this year of fees on this card alone this card alone

33:05wow so like we're already at like 400 in fees just and we chose to go on vacation so again is it the world or is it because how you're raised or because of your life choices you have rent are you paying rent to her parents yeah how much 250 okay that's nothing yeah so your overhead's nothing yeah we have a car payment we have minimum payments but you could have paid this i know but you chose to go to puerto rico puerto rico to be fair i did a flight to get there i had the money though at the time you didn't i know you didn't i know you didn't okay that's not how that works because you didn't pay your minimum monthly payments if you can't pay your required bills you do not have the money to do it that number sitting there that's great but you have monthly obligations to take care of yeah i i thought i was taking care of them then i went to the trip and went downhill.

33:57March. Kill me. These are the first late payments I've ever had. March is f***ing now. Mm-hmm. Screwed me. And your interest on this card was also$51.98. Yeah. One failed payment on what's this? And that's Klarna. You have a missed payment on Klarna of all f***ing things. Yeah. Of all things that exist. You have a missed payment on Klarna. What's even fully owed what's the entire balance on your clarina oh i don't even know i think it's only that airbnb for puerto rico that was for i went to a concert the week after where the week after and this was just happening i went to atlanta and i didn't want to pay it in full so i put it on you're living your life like you have no debt and make 60 to 70 000 hours a year you don't you're not entitled to it and now you're reaping the consequences of it yeah it wasn't a smart choice because i had the cash at the time but i just didn't want to no you didn't do we not understand that you didn't because you had payments to owe and your double month late on your car this was during that time so you didn't have the money that's not how math works that's not how this world works but again your take on this world is so beyond ridiculous that i'm not surprised i don't think it's that crazy but

35:31it's crazy worldviews are an interesting thing i'll just touch on it for a second world views

35:42uh economic structures political structures they're interesting things because they get to put in be put into action then you compare them against other ones that are put into action you get to see which ones are successful your worldview has failed you we have not had a single payment what are we on we're on the fifth account and we've not had a single successful payment under debt your worldview has failed you possibly no how is it possibly how can you sit against every piece of evidence right in front of you and say possibly what possibly i just i still think it could be like worse about what you think yeah you're right you're right you could be living under a bridge you could does that make your situation good does that make it tolerable just because there is always worse out there the earth could blow up tomorrow and that's worse does that mean this is good it doesn't i'll never understand that because it can be worse this is okay yeah this is why i dig so hard into people because people have that mindset which is so beyond dangerous.

36:44This situation is absolutely and just because there are some people who have it worse does not mean that this is okay and that this is how you should be living your life and that this is good for you or your future. You're acting like you don't matter. You're acting like your life doesn't matter through your actions.

37:08What's your future with your girlfriend? Proposal? Marriage? Kids? What do we want? Do we want to live on our own? Yeah. Well, guess what? None of that is happening with this. If you care about your future with her, if you care about what you want, whatever you want, whatever goals you have, you're not getting there with this. I want you to get to your goals. Goals are fun. Goals are important. You don't get there with this. You don't get there with your worldview either because your worldview has landed you here. Yeah. Sorry. It's okay. It's a lot. It is a lot. It is a lot. And it's not that I want anyone to cry, but I am happy to see you have some emotion behind this.

37:51Because it means, at least for the first time that I can see in this conversation, you are actually seeing the weight of this versus just like, oh, it's okay. And money will just come back to me. You see the weight of this. And it is a totally natural human response. I had many nights like that when I was in just as bad of a situation and had to fix it. There are tissues right there. No, thank you. It's okay. And we can take a moment. But this is totally okay. All right. Okay. I think I'm okay. Well, either way, you're okay. I promise. As just, like, a person feeling this, it is natural. It is okay.

38:38So don't be embarrassed or ashamed or whatever. that it's totally chill and i think it is important that you feel the weight i just try to stay positive and i think that's what's holding me back honestly not seeing for it for what it is yeah again positivity is not a bad thing but if it blinds us from reality that's where it starts becoming dangerous what are some of those goals i would like to marry my girlfriend but we're both so far in debt like it wouldn't benefit any of us right now and so that's kind of put on the back burner for a couple years and we do want to get our own place this year we were looking at buying a house but my credit really got bad so this year you're considered buying a house i was doing really good but my school's paid for by my job now yeah but isn't it how many hours a week of school because it takes time away and then you still need to go to grad school for what you want to do.

39:40I do online right now. Okay. So it takes maybe like 10 hours a week for me to like study. And what does she do for a living? She's an employee, dispensary associate. The Puerto Rico trip, it was supposed to be like spring break thing. Me and my girlfriend had an agreement. I was going to pay for everything pre-arrival. So the B &B, the flights. your finance airbnb well that was for atlanta i did cover the airbnb sorry go ahead um and then she would cover the things once we got there like food excursions for the week of she didn't have any money and so i like took cash advances out um because it was like too late to cancel it felt like so i definitely went a little crazy and it put me really far behind because i actually thought i was doing good before granted but now okay so i have been put in a tunnel and i don't know how to say no to her she's yeah sure has she paid you back for those has there been conversations around that yeah and i just i'm a firm believer if you don't have it i mean she can't pull it out of her you know you didn't have it either yeah i just and she kind of can if she works more hours who gets a second job how many hours a week does she work like 15 to 20 i know i feel like i'm i'm

41:17yeah i took a second job to help cover those things too okay she can pull it out of it's called getting her in a job yeah i just don't want her but does she spend the rest of the day smoking her own product or something no i wouldn't say that but you know mental health is real and she mental health is real a lot of people have mental health issues and they live in this world i like i it's okay so mental health is real let's be very clear and people should get help i there is a big tendency these days of people to be like just immediately when it comes to any responsibilities in life to be mental health and then that's just like the end of the conversation because no one's willing to challenge it.

41:59I will accept it with medical diagnosis. I will accept it with many things. And if people are going and trying to receive help many times, what mental health things that have been diagnosed are there that is preventing her from going and getting a job or even working from home in a customer service job? Nothing. There it is. Okay. Yeah, nothing. If anything, I have mental health diagnoses. I do too. So it goes hand in hand. but no she's just gets into slumps i guess and so slumps are okay slumps happen yeah the pressure gets put kind of more on me well yeah she's not taking any pressure what pressure does she have she lives under her parents roof she worked 15 hours a week she has no pressure it's basically the easiest life that's ever been lived then her girlfriend takes care of everything okay obviously you know you guys enjoy each other love each other all that good stuff yay um everything being put on you and your finances and all that don't get me wrong you're not doing them right but let's just you know for a second um her putting that all on you is not indicative of a long-lasting relationship especially a marriage yeah well we've been together six years now okay um and how long how many times have you guys been independent together uh i probably i didn't realize the extent of her spending problems in mine until we moved together which was i didn't realize how impulsive we were together uh two years ago 2022 i've been living there for two years her mom just started charging us rent because it's been so long that's when i realized that we have a problem with each other and spending money and you two go on trips a lot we did vegas last year for my birthday yeah went to georgia a few times we're going on a trip this doesn't make sense she works what yeah no you're not to where dc no you're going with your friend listen i don't know who you are i don't know your finances that's not what this conversation was about i usually i tell them that they need to say this to their friend but since you're sitting right over there she can't afford it she can't go she can't what's been paid so far i just paid the bmb it's coming out of my checking tomorrow the rest of it try to can't try the rest of it what do you mean the rest of it they had like a pay a deposit and then you pay the rest tomorrow you might lose your deposit she can't go she literally has no money in her checking account and she has not made a single payment she's behind on her last airbnb and she's trying to get an airbnb now she she can't go this is just being an adult for the first time ever it's for a friend's birthday i don't give a they'll have more do they have a birthday next year as of now yes okay you never know cool well if they don't guess what they won't know that you're not at their birthday because they're dead so like it doesn't matter they won't know oh my god it'll be sad for you but like yeah i guess what would your what would your friend care about more like selfishly making her friend go more into debt to see her or her friend actually starting to live a decent life for the first time in their entire life and changing like their literal entire family tree because they come from a place of complete failure financials financially speaking this is only finances i don't know the rest of her life financial failures to herself being a financial failure but she's turning around for the first time what would she rather see your friend a lot of them don't even know my situation but what would they rather see probably just me to be stable interesting yeah she can't go you can't go i have if i may as well end this conversation now if you're not willing to literally sacrifice one thing okay you you you need to not go lose your security deposit cancel the payment shut your checking account down like you do if you need to if that's what needs to be done yeah okay it's a hard ask i'm sorry it is a hard ask i know i'm like trying to better myself believe it or not sacrifices are sacrifices because they're hard it's like you can you can stop the easy things all day i'm talking about sacrifices you actually need to make choices for the first time ever ever and no more trips after that until you're out of debt and making your minimum payments at a minimum and have a fully funded emergency fund at a minimum do you have anything in retirement i do i have a raw thire rate oh that's right you have a thousand dollars in there yeah okay i remember it's something yeah so we're looking to move out me and my girlfriend like well because they're charging you rent now not just because they're charging us rent but i just feel like we're ready to take the next step like i i want more independence i don't want to live with parents dependence i buddy in what world in what world can you have independence you can't buddy you live under dependence right now and you can't even literally pay your bills you'll get you're gonna get evicted in two months if you get rent i was thinking i just take more hours like at work yeah you need to take more hours to pay half of your debt right now well how much rent are you looking at like 1600 that's like on the low end in florida yeah and guess what you can't do it it's a simple it comes down to the same thing with this other trip you can't do it you're not paying there's not a single bill we've looked at that you've paid not one you haven't paid one bill here what makes you think you can pay rent if you're not paying a minimum$30 credit card payment.

47:49I think it's just like fire under your ass. If you don't have it by the first, you're getting evicted. And I work better under pressure. So I think I would get my hours and I'd make it work. And we'd make it happen. Friend off camera, are you willing to stab her in two months if she doesn't pay off the debt here? Is that enough of a fire under your ass? Will you stab her or something? She would do it too. Or just a big slap or just like... like big punch i don't know what's something what's a consequence to you well what's something that's bad take away all her girlfriend's oh my god no southern nights that's a club we go to if that's what you need if you need some like end thing that's gonna be absolutely destructive to you unless you get your control i know i can figure it out i'm gonna do rent is rent would be the worst choice you've ever made right now like what about december though like maybe let's look at your full situation and like timeline after budget and everything but uh probably not but maybe maybe love the optimism also you work more hours a week what about your girlfriend i don't i guess her job's very stingy with the hours then she needs another job yeah florida's doing okay unemployment in the united states ticked up to four percent technically Okay.