She's Embarrassed By Man-child Husband

26:18Yes, completely paid off. How many miles? Nissan 15? Just went over$100 ,000. Dude, transmissions, man. My friend has a very similar car, Nissan, right around that year, and I had one as well. Yeah, no, I just paid a few months ago, about six months ago, I believe at this point, I just paid$2 ,000 to have some major work done on it because it was having issues. So we probably need a car fund going on because I don't have confidence in that. Do you have savings anywhere, retirement anywhere? Directly standard? No. What the f*** does that mean? I have an interesting collection that I've slowly been, you know, over many years being a child.

27:01I have an old video game collection. And so, you know, I've been looking at that. So you do not have retirement or savings? No. Well, I have a 401k through a company. How much? It's not worth mentioning. How much? Last time I checked, I think it only had maybe$150 ,000,$200 ,000 that had been put into it. Because that was with the company that fired me. That was with the company that, or they didn't fire me. They had to let me go because they were cutting costs, is so they said. If we're living at home as an adult, we're at least investing, hopefully, thousands of dollars a month because your needs are basically nothing.

27:38Yeah, if I was making thousands of dollars. Which you could. You could. it's always easier said than done to go get a job but you're doing nothing and even for the jobs you have you're choosing not to work as much as you could you could you're choosing not to from everything you said and every answer I've been able to get out of you you could yeah okay so with this engagement situation how does the overall financial picture look we just got engaged relative about when's the marriage well we're pushing it back at the moment why Both my financial situation and my fiance's. Yeah. How much income is coming on the other side?

28:19I'm not 100 % sure what hers is. You guys haven't talked? We've talked a little bit. Yeah, we need to talk a lot a bit. Finances are the number one cause of divorce in this country. That's not something we go dry into, man. No. No. We're spitting out that conversation. This is, you can't just raw dog marriage, man. No. No. You know what I'm saying? As a professional in marriage, you've never gotten married. But financial statistics, you know, we get with divorce and stuff like that. And you should at least know how much the other person makes and how much, do you know how much debt they have? They have no debt.

28:58Okay, so this is another spending issue, type thing? Do they, what's their living situation? They're also with their family at the moment. Oh, me. Every way whatsoever. How'd you guys find each other? Uh, we actually found each other through a basements.com. Not quite basements. I'm sorry. I mean, if we want to put it like that, I mean, I guess it's what, uh, addicts.com. No, um, no, uh, through some mutual funds. Oh, that's cute. That's always fun. I always told my friends, go, go find me some dates. They're like, the only people we know are our own friends that I'm already friends with. So it's just like, it never happened, but that's cool.

29:38Good, good, good for you guys. I'm happy you guys are engaged. I'm not thrilled that both of you live at home. What's the age of this other person? 23. Okay. It's more reasonable because, you know, moving a little bit after college where you're getting your feet settled and stuff like that. And again, I really don't have an issue with staying at home. You know, it's more Western culture to just kind of move out, and especially American. It's just like, get out, get out, get out. But it's like you said you want to move out, but you're also choosing not to because you're choosing not to work. So it's just like, eh.

30:06How many times has this marriage been delayed? When were you guys supposed to be married? We were originally planning on February, March. Oh. Yeah. When is it delayed to now? Probably middle of the year, maybe July-ish. So is it like paying for the wedding? Is that the main issue? Yeah. Well, you're never going to be able to. Not like those. I mean, it's worse than ever in terms of your spending in terms of having money. You're not drowning in debt by any means. I mean, the private student loans, does death and sanity kill me? But it's not like this doesn't magically change with the way you're going down and being able to pay for the wedding unless she's doing something to us.

30:43Parents are stepping in of some kind, which I assume not in this conversation. Why don't you guys just go to the courthouse, get married, save up some money. We've actually been thinking about that. Do that and then you can have a celebration at some point, maybe a year later or something. We've actually talked about that and have thought about that as a path. because we've just been looking at prices of venues and everything else, and it's just already insane itself. Even though you're a pleasant person and you put yourself well on display, and you are, I might get some hate for being a little rude in this episode.

31:14I'm just really trying to get some things across.

31:18None of this is going to change. None of those goals are going to be hit unless you stop being victim, the world is against you, and two, you actually get some work ethic and like go grind to get some money, whether or not it's your dream perfect job. Yeah. Is that something you're willing to change? You haven't done it yet. That was, that's been what I've been trying to work on this new year. It's, and you know, I'm in the dark whenever it comes to a lot of that. So that's actually one of the reasons I, whenever I got contacted by coming on here with you, it's like, oh, maybe he can, you know, help push me in the right direction, whether it be, whether it be in a nice way or, well, I do the tough love.

31:54Tough love. That's how I like to be presented. so that's how I present it. Spending$1 ,054 when$1 ,118 came in. Yeah. Of the money that was spent, only 10 % went towards debt payments as your student loans. 6.1 % went to like gas. Subscriptions was 4%. Going out to eat was 37%. I didn't see groceries. Where was the groceries? Do you get groceries? I personally don't know. You don't know if you get groceries? No, no, no. I personally don't. Oh my gosh. I was about to lose. everything. I'd have a lot more problems if I couldn't remember going to the grocery store. And 33 % goes to like miscellaneous, toquitos, crap that doesn't matter and doesn't help anything ever.

32:37What about car insurance? Car insurance, right now that is being transferred over. We had an issue with the insurance wanting to change percentages whenever it was being transferred over from my parents. So that's, you know, just part of the extra stuff that I do at home. So how could you afford that if that one side gets transferred to you? How are you possibly affording that with the no money that you have extra. Well, that's why it hasn't been fully transferred over to me yet. Your parents are enabling you. They're enabling you not getting your adult life together, not being a big boy. You're kind of, I mean, you're being a, no, no, no, I don't, I don't, sorry, I don't want to be mean.

33:14I'm just trying to get the point across. You mean spoiled? You're just being kind of a child in terms, not how you're presenting yourself. You're presenting yourself very well. And I very much like you as a person. Like, I mean, you're very pleasant. But in terms of your actions surrounding your income, spending, everything like that, they're enabling you. You're going out to eat. You have no money left over. You're not even coming close to being able to save up for a wedding, saving up for getting out to eat, saving up for getting a car if you go. You don't even spend a single cent on groceries, groceries, bread, not even a single cent.

33:47so so they are by taking care of all these extra bills and allowing you to just stay there they're just enabling the f*** out of you enabling the f*** out of you it's interesting I watched a documentary on it and I've actually had some conversations with people who live in Italy a lot of what you're doing right now is happening a lot especially in southern Italy there's a lot more poverty and a hard economic situation there but a lot of people they just stay home forever almost instead of like they don't even they're like not even applying for jobs as much now again it is much harder there i promise i can get you a job uh there it is harder but it's like it's interesting it's full i wish i could speak better on it but i i watched a documentary on it's very interesting it's um or a youtube video mini documentary whatever this is it's full of use yeah and it's dramatically hurting their economy because people are just not entering the workforce and grinding and building things whether there's a lack of incentives within the economic structure there whatever but it's just everyone's doing what you're doing and they're being enabled by their parents i don't want that to be you man i don't want that to be you but you have no there's nothing that's like pushing you what's pushing you what do you care about where do you see yourself where do you want to be what's gonna push you you know that is an amazing question i've been looking at that and it's you I used to thought I wanted to be a professional baseball player.

35:15I got hurt. Thought I wanted to do something in the natural resources fields. And then that didn't pan out whenever I graduated. Well, we applied for a few jobs. Yeah. And now it's just slowly devolved into where I'm at today. I think you've given up. Not in a necessarily completely lazy way, but it's just so many things haven't worked that we've just like, this is our life. things haven't worked out why try you know maybe it's like I tell myself one thing but you know it's almost like maybe I'm one of those people that just doesn't understand the issue that he's put himself in and needs to be you know pushed out people have requested that I do a live Q &A for a while now and I'm excited to announce that I finally am on Wednesday March 20th at 8pm Eastern 5pm West Coast we have an exclusive live Q &A for anyone taking or has already taken our budgeting program.

36:12It has changed thousands of people's lives and we're constantly receiving testimonials from those saving money and fixing their financial future, showing that we made the best budgeting program in the history of the internet at the best price. Sign up using the link in the description below and join me for the Q &A where I answer your questions live. Okay, yeah, I mean, I wanna find something that drives you, man. Something that's just, we can get just a fire lit under your... so that you want to go make money so you want to go do something obviously what is a big proponent of this again right now a big a big aspect of this is you are being enabled if you were forced to live you would live if you're forced to work you would work right now everything's being taken care of and you're you there's no drive under you and that's just simply shown in the numbers that's not me being rude that's just simply shown in the numbers uh just very basic math you have one obligation, two obligations, the student loan minimum monthly payment, and gas.

37:11Other than that, you're just coasting. Nothing else you got to do. What are you doing for health insurance? Health insurance right now, because of the amount of income that I've made, it's still the 0 % whatever through the government. But you're choosing not to make, oh, that's weird. I want to always support people that can't make ends meet, but you can you're choosing not to oh that's such a oh that's such a cognitive dissonance in my brain because i i never want to see someone die but you're literally just choosing not to can be i mean that's that's the whole point of this new year it's i i guarantee you you know you told me this even maybe a month ago i would have been tooth and nail at your throat maybe like no no No, but you know, just what has changed.

37:59I think that it's in a year or what else? No, it's the fact of, I think it's hit close to that original date that I wanted to get married. Ooh, wait, you got a date in your mind before you even met anyone? We, we, we, we had known each other for a little bit before. So we moved into engagement pretty quickly and we, you know, we thought sometime in February. And then I think now after the new year, getting so close to that first date, it just finally it started to click at least in that it's like you know there's more you can do at least and so yeah maybe a month or two ago i would have been that that person sitting back here thinking i'm against the world like it's just the world that's put me in this maybe trash location but you know i've talked to my parents especially recently it's like look i love you but i personally at least want to get out.

38:56It's like... And they're probably like, oh. Probably. You know, I love them. No, of course. They tell me, it's like, oh, yeah. It's like, we would love you to get out. But at the same time, it's like, like you said, I'm 27. I'm pushing 30. Like, easy. Easy. We're not all that close to 30. I'm pushing the hump. It's going to be faster. It's going to be here faster. I'm not turning 29 next month and wanting to kill myself from that. No, that's not happening. No. So it's coming to that first date that's just kind of clicked. It's just like, like you said, there's more that I can do at least to put myself in a better position than I am now.

39:36And that's why it's not necessarily given up on a lot of the dreams, but definitely gotten to that point where you have to do something. Even if it's just, you know, maybe working as a janitor somewhere. Yeah. At least until that dream can be made. Because voice acting is not going to go anywhere. Even with all this AI stuff. Well, not necessarily. But I definitely don't ever want anyone to give up on their dreams. Oh, no. But I want to be realistic and also taking care of it. Exactly. Exactly. And like you said, the numbers don't lie. You can be the nicest person here. You can be the meanest person here.

40:16But it's like you said, the numbers don't lie. It shows that I have a lot more space to improve personally that I've put myself here. I think for the remaining of this conversation, for the future of this conversation to get somewhere, we need to turn this into a three-way. Well, maybe. I don't know if she's into that. You want to come on? So come on. What's your name? My name's Penn. I'm Sam's fiance. Penn, wonderful. I know there's a bit of, you may have said a couple things incorrect if you wanted to address. First off, I am not 23. I'm 24. I currently make 15 per hour working from home. On average, I work about 30 hours a week.

41:03Well, she's killing you in the job part. Yep. No, she is. What are you doing? I am training AI. really in what way like you're just talking to a chat box all day um i'm teaching ai to not tell people how to make pipe bombs you know interesting basically saying hey if someone asks for this maybe you shouldn't give them the information why is this the job you're doing because it's only 23 400 a year so together we're making a whopping like 35 000 a year because i am currently trying to save for a ton of dental work. I'm, I'm living with my family because my mom has rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia.

41:50So you cannot move out. Not yet. So what are you guys going to do? Um, I'm currently trying to work with my younger siblings to teach them better how to do stuff around the house. It's going to want to move out too though, aren't they? Sounds like this, This person will need extra help maybe in home. Not the youngest. The youngest can't move out on her own. I'm not going to disclose why. Then is she able to take care of this person? Yes. Your parents? Okay. She'll be able to. My mom can move around on her own for right now. And when she wasn't able to, she had crutches. She had a little scooter.

42:26She'll be okay moving around on her own. It's just taking care of everyday household chores. And my dad's home too. So what's in your savings? Currently nothing because I went through a stint of unemployment and I had to pay for things around the house. I had to pay for car insurance. You landed though. You actually are bringing in money. You've chosen to go get a job. You could be doing this. You've chosen not to. You've been in that corner in our little guest area, guest of the guest area. What have you thought of this conversation so far in terms of his money, in terms of his lack of effort?

43:09I've seen you say a lot of the things I tried to say to him in the past, and he didn't listen to me because he didn't want to. And it makes me feel a bit better seeing that I'm not crazy. I'm not being the Beyonce. You know, it makes me feel better knowing someone else is seeing the issue, too. because there have been so many times when I'm like, well, why don't you take these long substituting jobs that are like 11, 13 days? And I don't even remember the reasons you've given me in the past. It's been something or another. Do you see him being just a lazy person in terms of work, in terms of work specifically, not all throughout life, but in terms of working and bringing in that incomes?

43:56He does a lot of auditioning for jobs, but I don't see him going into a lot of jobs. Okay. There have been a ton of jobs where there have been really competitive markets. I've tried to do voice acting for sure. And he just didn't get it, which that's fair. If we're in that industry, we're trying to audition. Yeah. But in terms of going and actually just making some money, more money when we know that's not working, I just haven't seen it a little bit. And we've had conversations about that. Why haven't you given a she's brought it up? like you guys are building a future together why haven't you listened to her at all when she's obviously right it's exactly what i've said so why haven't you cared about what she said when she's brought up reasonable points that hey dude you need to go make some big boy money so we can actually start saving for anything at some point how are you guys going to get a place on your own zero thousand savings across the board he brings in no money how are you guys going to have health insurance how are you guys like what's the plan here what happens when his car breaks then it's like you use her car like what are we doing why have you not listened to her yeah no and i don't have a i don't have a good excuse for that one like i don't i'm not gonna try to fish for anything either okay you don't have a why though because i want to be able to combat it in the future when it pops up if you don't have a why what's going to prevent that from popping up in the future i i don't think i have a good why right now like y 'all this is the time to switch to my favorite high yield savings account.

45:23With SoFi, you can get 4.6 % on your money. I hate when my money is just losing value, so make sure you're keeping up with inflation at the very least. You can also get FDIC insurance on that money up to$2 million with them. Plus, they'll give you money up to$300 when you set up an account with them. There's even extra perks like being able to get paid a couple days early. SoFi is what I use when I'm setting money aside, and it is the banking app of the future. Sign up, link in the description below. I always want my money to be making more money so don't lose money on yours. Why do you think he has listened?

45:57Stubbornness, ego. He's a guy. Oh, I try to listen. I try to listen. She shook her head yes. No offense to you, but he's machismo. He's a guy's guy. He tries to be. A guy's guy. Noodle. I don't know about a guy's guy. I've never heard someone call him a noodle. I mean, I don't have much on my bones. But I just, I think he hasn't listened because it hurts to know that you could do better, but not fully understand how. And money is a hard conversation. So he didn't know how much you were making. How much do you guys know about each other's personal finances before this conversation? How aligned are we?

46:48I've known quite a bit about his finances yeah um he doesn't know quite as much because it just I don't really ever think to talk about it it's not something I it occurs to me to talk about I have tried to wrangle him into getting more involved in the wedding planning process like hey if you want to do this if we want to do this you need to start doing this and I'm going All sorts of different things. Yeah. But it's definitely a hard conversation to have. I have tried to have the conversation in the past. It doesn't really get anywhere. So I'm hoping this is a good kickstarter to talking more about it more frequently.

47:33Have the finances strain the relationship? I wouldn't say that. Really? Maybe because we're not living together. We don't have shared bills. We don't have shared responsibilities yet. But what's going to happen when we do, when we're trying to pay rent and one person's not helping the household, trying to get groceries when a person's not helping the household, trying to pay for a kid when a person's not helping the household? I personally don't plan on having kids. That's an example, though. What are we going to do, though, when one person's not contributing to the household? It's going to put a strain on the relationship.

48:06That's, again, the leading cause for separation. But that's not what I want. I want to see you guys going forever. don't before we get into it we need to sit down probably at least once a month at this point just talk about our finances, our goals what's it going to take for us to get to the goals that we're trying to do and see if we're aligned on them. You guys need to be aligned if we're not aligned going into this marriage that's a scary thing what can we do to get this man out there working? What can we do? I don't know What do you think we could do to get you to get off Your ass and start going and substituting more often Or doing something Well I've already started doing that with the start of the new semester now You know Is this true?

48:56Schools just started back up He did substitute I think like Three days last week Which is more often than he did last month Yeah he did three days in a month It is more often. In my defense for this one, school just did start back up. Yeah. And typically there is an actual thing where teachers aren't really allowed to take off the first week before or after a school break. It's kind of like a no-no. Yeah. But the flu is the flu. Being a former educator, I'm a bit more aware of this. um child care I started when I was 19 because I needed to be at home so I could help my my mom around so I could help with the house so I stopped going to school and I started working as an educator I stopped doing it because the state of education is really rough and it was really hard on me emotionally and mentally.

50:06So what's our goals as a couple? What are we looking at a year from now? Where are we financially speaking? Live, where are we in our lives? What are we doing? A year from now, I would like to be living in a modest apartment, hopefully like$1 ,100 a month, which is modest surprisingly nowadays. Which should be clear is not even close to possible today. Not even beyond close. So a year from now, that scares me, but go ahead, continue. Married. I think I have full-on resigned myself to just going to the courthouse, being like, hey, we're married. We signed a piece of paper. Yes. You're done for it.

50:46Do it and do a celebration later or something. That was like the initial plan, and then my parents were like, you can't do that. You need to have a ceremony because the ceremony isn't about you. It's about your family. And they said they would help pay, I think, to get us roped in. And then once I was like, okay, they said, no, we're not going to help. So I was like, cool. Back to the drawing board, back to a courthouse wedding. Dude, stop at the courthouse on the way home. Like, I don't even care. Like, just who cares? I mean, I get it. If you want to have a big wedding, you want to have a big wedding, but it doesn't seem like you guys care.

51:25So it's just like do it, right? Do whatever you guys want to do. It's you. It's you. People, it's you. But I've actually been working on getting a job with the post office because it pays like 26 an hour. Good. And they're delivering things and they need way more people in the office anyway. So please hire you. Like we need more people. My goodness. Oh, my gosh. Actually, the person who delivers to my house is awesome. He's really cool. But either way. Okay. Married. Modest apartment. Working at the post office, hopefully. Issue is it would take me relocating, and I don't have any money to relocate at the moment.

52:03Okay. They wouldn't cover relocation costs? Probably not starting positions. Which is fine. What are your costs, though? You bring in$25 ,000 a year. What are your costs right now? Right now I have car insurance. I'm paying for groceries at home. For everyone? What's wrong with Dad? Dad works as a manager at a fast food restaurant, so that's not a lot of money. It should be more than$25 ,000 a year, though. Should be. What fast food restaurant? Chicken Express. I can't speak for that. I've never looked into their numbers. As far as I know, I'm making just a little bit less than he is. I think he's only making$17 an hour.

52:52They have such good biscuits there. It's wild. I know. And my dad's like, oh, they're too dry. What are you talking about? Anyway, it's like, it's. That's interesting. I wonder why he's making so little as a manager. Is it like an assistant manager? Is this a general manager? Like, what are we doing here? He is now assistant general manager. I'd need to look into that a little. I would want to look into his decision. Now, it might be a small town thing because you guys are in a small town. I'm actually in a smaller town than he is. Well, that speaks to it even more. But, I mean,$15 an hour, 40 hours a week, and he should – because, I mean, it's not Austin, to be clear, but you can't basically get a job that's below$15 an hour in Austin, like, starting.

53:39Now, small town, completely different situation, but all I'm saying is if he's at$15 an hour, 40 hours a week, that's$31 ,200 a year. Like, I feel like he should be making closer to$40. But either way, it doesn't matter. I've never looked into their numbers. I can't speak uneducatedly, so it doesn't matter. What are your guys' goals five years? Where do you see yourselves? Five years? Oof. This is what we've got to talk about and think about. Are we getting into this without goals? Are we getting into this without being aligned on things? Five years I'm hoping to get my commission art business off the ground, hopefully with an actual studio somewhere.

54:18Okay, this is completely different. Yeah, like do the post office thing part-time. Do my art part-time. I'm actually hoping to find a substantial job sometime in the future where I can. We don't hope to find. We don't hope to find. We go get. We go get. We don't hope to find. I will go get a job that will allow me to also chase my passion. Can he work for the job you're doing right now? No. Okay. go to McDonald's dude you're desperate to hire people will not work the evening shifts there and you've got nothing going on you've got nothing going on he has nothing going on right? as far as I know he's got nothing going on buddy go make money like okay okay well either way getting into an apartment within a year it's going to be a tough task you need to go make money now let's go get married let's combine our accounts what scares me drastically you're a little younger so you have more of an excuse retirement man you guys do not want to be in a marriage situation where I know way too many people unfortunately even just in my own life who are just that older age where they can barely even work anymore and they can't retire they literally can't they can't afford not to work because social security is not enough I don't want you guys to be in that situation right now is when you choose not to be later but you have to choose now you can't choose to be able to be in a good position to retire at retirement you have to choose now but you guys aren't even close in close to a position where there's any semblance of retirement you guys can't even move out of your own houses right now yours is a little less of a choice yours is beyond very much a choice okay so yeah what i would do is i'd tie the knot tie the knot a listener she says get a job you're not being an adult go get a job need me to yell at them let me know but you need to go get a job you probably need to get a better job and again everything is always easier said than done but there are jobs out there and we have to work on interview skills we need to work on resume skills but do that tie the knot, get an apartment together hopefully for the next year or two teach your siblings how to take care of the parents and we need to start contributing to retirement.

56:45Your student loans, I'd pay off as quick as you absolutely can. I'd actually prioritize that over even moving out. So I'd try to get as much money as you can. Now pay off the student loans. You don't want to bring a 14 % debt to her. That's not fair. Do you have any debt? No. That's incredible. Get a six-month emergency fund before you move out. Pay off that debt. Get a six-month emergency fund before you pay out. Move in together. Tie the knot. And start contributing 20 % on a monthly basis to retirement. Keep your household needs 50 % or less of your income. 30 % can go to fund. As long as you're hitting that 20 % in retirement, that's the minimum.

57:20That's number one responsibility. Your needs, we try to keep it around 50. If it's a little more, then your needs are a little less. We don't cut down on retirement. But if your needs are a little less somehow, you need to bring in more money for that. So I doubt it. But if they are, you can have more fun. For retirement, I need you guys to start contributing after the six-month emergency household fund, 20 % to retirement. so you guys can actually live those later years like every human should. That's what I need now. Right now it requires you growing up. Any final thoughts across the board? Thanks.

57:54Thank you in general for reaming him. Someone else needed to. If there's basically no money and the money that there is is going somewhere else, I mean, Hammer Financial Score across the board, it's very easy and very simple. Zero. Make sure to check out all the resources linked in the description below. They are what I use or would use in specific situations, including the best budgeting program in the history of the internet. Thanks to all of our Patreon producers for making this episode possible. If you want to participate in an episode of Financial Audit and you're able to make it to Austin, Texas, please fill out an application in the survey linked in the description below.

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