“Budgets Don’t Work” — What Changed Their Financial Mindset After 35 Years of Marriage | 450

0:00And it's really changed. I look at things so much more carefully when I'm purchasing them.

0:13Not to say that I was spent with abandon, but I say, oh, maybe not this month or not this week because it's not really there. And you, Vanessa said to me, Carol, if it's not there, you can't buy it. And that was a reality check. But I'm grateful, honestly, really grateful that I have now gained that awareness to know that I have that power. Do you make good money but have nothing to show for it? Are you tired of living paycheck to paycheck? Do you have big dreams for your financial future? Do you want to get debt-free, but you don't want to live on beans and rice? Or you don't want to give up those pumpkin spice lattes?

1:11Hey, it's okay if you don't already know how to budget or if you're using credit cards to get through the month. Hey, it's okay if you want to seem like you have your finances all together or you're not on the same page with your spouse when it comes to finances. We know what you're doing probably isn't working, but guess what? you're in the right place. We're Shana and Vanessa. We're best friends, business partners, and master financial coaches trained by Dave Ramsey. We've been in business since 2019, helping hundreds of amazing people like you create budgets, get out of debt, stop living paycheck to paycheck, and know exactly what to do with their money.

1:45In this podcast, we'll share with you everything we know plus everything we're working on with our clients so that you have the best chance at reaching your financial goals. We want to help you take the guesswork out of your budget, improve your marriages, and even bring your kids in on the conversation. We can help you no matter where you're at, whether you're the single mom who's never had$500 in her savings account or the millionaire who's paid off four real estate mortgages. And we're not going to shy away from the tough love. We'll tell you what you need to hear and encourage you at the same time.

2:12This is the Financial Coaching for Women podcast. All right, Eric and Carol, thank you so much for coming on to share your experience with coaching and our Simplify Budget System. We're happy to be here. Really? I think this is your first podcast interview. I think it will be. Since you're debuting. Debut, yes. We're off premiere. Shut the front door. Okay, so Eric and Carol, tell us a little bit about yourself so that we can kind of get the picture painted here. So just to get us started. Sure. We've been married 35 years. Happily married 35 years. We have three children, triplets, which was a blast, is a blast.

2:58They are amazing. Three boys. We, my own business, we work together in the past. Now it's mostly me, a video production business. Carol, how do you describe what you do? I nanny. I nanny. She's a very successful nanny. Yes. And thank you for saying so. But I really enjoy it. And it's, I can somewhat carve out the time the way I want it to be, which is nice. That's us. Yeah. Well, especially in this stage of life, when your boys are getting married, they're starting their own lives and I'm sure there's going to be grandbabies. You know what I mean? So like you have a chance to be able to kind of flex whenever you need to.

3:43Yeah. Well, I was going to say you had, you did something in the middle there between they all left at the same time and before the between the grandbabies now you you were like let me fill that up real quick with with somebody to nurture and love yeah yeah yeah yes it does it does work it does work that way no matter what you can't help but fall in love with the baby that you're with because they're just delicious and they're babies yes i love it well and you had empty nester syndrome a little differently than the rest of us are going to have yeah like shana has three kids but you know their ages are spread out I have two mine are only a year apart but you literally lost all three of yours what is at the same time well no I feel like we didn't lose them they just you're right that is actually right yeah but you know like I know where they are because I remember us talking about how like that was a big moment of you know them leaving the house and then you guys not no longer have three boys in the house which three girls but three boys who are active and lots of testosterone too yeah like that's feeding three boys no for sure but you found a lovely nurturing way to like shana said fill that fill that void and i just love that so let's talk let's get into it what circumstances led to us all coming together and you guys thinking about starting coaching well we were not thinking about it really oh but i i met you guys at a business group that we're both a part of and your energy in person is even greater than on screen and on on camera and on microphone you're like you are just so dynamic and so passionate about what you do that I was like huh what do they do how can you help us and and to be honest budgeting was something that I always resisted.

5:38I, to me, it was a, it was a bad word. It wasn't a four letter word, but it was a bad word. Cause I just didn't believe in them. I just thought you can make a budget, say whatever you want. And what's the point of putting it all down when it's just going to all change. Like it just, I didn't think they worked, but what we were doing was not working. And I, the last few years, have been trying to question the things in my life that are not working and the assumptions that I've made. And like, maybe I have to think about this differently. And you guys were so dynamic and so easy to talk to and work with that I wanted to have the conversation and say, maybe this is something we should do.

6:25So my big fear was my wife is much more private than I am, especially with financial stuff. But financial stuff is very personal. And you have to trust the person or the people you're going to talk to about it. And I had some trust in you guys because I'd met you, but Carol didn't. And I wanted her to meet you. And I'm going to stop talking now. So Carol, tell me how she felt when we got started. So Carol, Carol. So Eric, I'm talking about myself. I'm a third person. It's not healthy. Eric came home and he actually did a little bit of a tease on the telephone. He said, I really, I found, I found these two people who are doing something really interesting.

7:14And I want to talk to you about it when I get home. And I'm like, that was all you got. you know and you know and he said i think it's gonna do it's gonna do something really good for us so you know i'm like oh you've met somebody you know you've heard of talk and oh you're believing in you know and it's not that he's that that he you know falls for everything but you know you you get excited in the moment and all of that so it came back and you know he he's he said to me, I think this is something that we should really look into and talk to them about. And set up a meeting with Vanessa. And Vanessa eased my mind because I am such, I don't think I'm such a private person.

8:06I think I am financially. It's just something, and I don't know if it's upbringing. I don't know what it is, but it's just finances isn't something that you typically talk about so and eric has always literally been this person who said i don't believe in budgets budgets don't but don't work we can make them anything we want them to be and and i just kind of went all right but obviously now after working with you we have seriously you know seeing how they work you know they really takes time vanessa you really put carol at ease and that was that says a lot yes like working shana i've met you and i know you a little bit but we worked with vanessa and could not have been more comfortable and easier just putting in or filling in our spreadsheet and saying this is the picture you know you know So it's really funny because when we first met you, Eric, is when we went all in on the verbiage budget besties, right?

9:15And because we get that a lot, what you're saying is, of course, we were taught not to talk about money, especially with strangers. Like, no, this is like taboo. It's not the right thing to do. It's like politics. You just don't bring it up, right? so we have to or not we are we have to but we just happen to be someone that hopefully feels like your friend or feels safe to open up to and and so it's just funny that we named ourselves that because we're best friends but we hope that like you know when you're looking at people's finances you're also plugging in their daughter's wedding and you're plugging in you know very intimate when their pet got sick and all like we become like family truly and so whether whether we all know that that's what's going to happen or not.

9:57So yeah, it is definitely an intimate conversation. It's an intimate really, yeah, conversation. But and I think it just says a lot about I love what you said, Eric, and I need to like do that with my life every day. Like, what do I think is like, where am I stubborn? Really? Where am I being stubborn? And I and if I actually look at the evidence, it's not working. That's a really good question to ask. Well, and I remember when we first spoke, you said, well, we've done the tracking. We're used to tracking everything that we do, all of our expenses, but obviously it's not working. And that's why we're, we're here.

10:29And I, and I, I've carried that with me because we hear that so much from people. Like they think that doing a budget, they think by being good with their money, they have to track everything. And, you know, I think we've shown you, like, I love how both you're like, absolutely not. You're shaking your heads because you're right. Like we have shown you like, no, that is not what you're doing now at all with your money. And you're still so successful. Not only did we build out your personal budget, we built out your entire business budget as well, right? And that was a big, that was always a problem.

11:00When you own your own business and you're trying to manage that and manage your personal, I could never answer the question, how much did you make this year or how much are you making this year until after taxes of the following year? I just have no idea every year. And it just all feels so manipulatable that you just don't know where you are. So yeah, going through, we did our personal and then we did the business and it's the same process. It was, it was huge getting those both put into the spreadsheet and looking at, I looked at it this morning. I was like, I got my mid month paid period today.

11:43And I was moving money around and like, I got all, I got, I got on the phone with our bank and they were like, I want to move money from my business account to my personal account. And she got, she said, okay. I said, wait, there were three business checking accounts and there are five personal checking accounts. We want to get the right one to the right one. and and it works like it really works the system works that was probably one of the one of the funniest things was going to the bank and explaining to them that um we needed a bunch of different accounts and they're looking at us like huh and we're like no no really we need We need to have five.

12:29And fortunately, they let us name them. So that was helpful. And then Eric on the other end, on the business end, had a whole other slew to open up. And I thought, we are never going to be able to keep this. And you must hear this all the time. Like when you first do it, you have all these debit cards in your wallet. and you go to buy something and you're like, what am I doing? What do I use? It's a while to get used to. And we have Sharpies. We have, we like have little Sharpie letters on the different cards so that we're sure that we know this one's for medical and this one's for personal and this one's for his personal, my personal.

13:15So that, I don't know what I would do without that. but yeah but now that everything is set up and organized and you and labeled like now when you go to make a purchase how easy is it to just immediately knowing your brain where it comes from and not have to worry about if it's affecting any other part of your budget feels really good no it does i mean i at least i still pause a little bit like where's this coming from okay well who am i what day of the week is it which debit card am i using it's a whole process i get it i think if there was like a secret society of bank people they would be talking like who are these girls that are sending people into our lobbies asking them to open up all these accounts because we hear it all the time they're like the the tellers or whoever will be like what are you what are you sure why and and as you know you know it's maybe seems you know like you you did mention takes a minute to get it set up, but it's now you very clearly know exactly where your money is, which, which money you have for what, how that you, that you have money for those different categories.

14:20And it's all immediately, well, I guess you're kind of doing it sometimes manually with business, but it's all automatically put into the right spot so that you can, you can do your budget without having to, you know, to rack your brain or track or all of those other things. Well, full disclosure, we're not, we're not, we're not the picture of budget best implementation. we haven't automated things yet okay yeah yeah that takes a minute sometimes we we started working together i think about nine or ten months ago and it's been a few months since we worked together one-on-one vanessa but a month i feel like we're getting closer yeah well to be fair you have a business and sometimes it's hard to automate our personal budget before the business is completely up and fully running.

15:07So we get that. And that is okay. You're not alone. And honestly, having that extra component of being an entrepreneur, it just adds an extra layer of complexity. And it's not wrong. It's just... And I think now you two are still stepping into that role of people who have money, whereas before it was there and then it wasn't very quickly. And I don't think you trusted the bank account to be able to know that you can pay for something. But I think you're right now stepping into that role of I can trust it. But it takes some time. Yeah, no, it felt really good this morning when the money came in and I was moving it around.

15:47I'm like, wow, there's more there than there used to be. Yeah, absolutely. We have a, yeah. No, and when we last worked together, Vanessa, a few months ago, we hadn't gotten that home equity line of credit and we finally did. So almost all of that revolving credit is wrapped into one payment that is much smaller, much less interest. And things are just so much simpler. I know you guys don't like people to do that, replace one debt with another, but the interest rate is so much lower and it's so much easier having one payment and four. It's really. Well, I think we worked through that as far as like you were, I think, six months into coaching before that was even a conversation.

16:36And I think that that's important to say here because a lot of people will do that on their own without ever changing mindset or habits, right? So people will go and get debt consolidation loans or they'll go get a home equity loan and do that. And then on top of it, they will also rack up more debt where you guys were in coaching for six months or even seven. I don't remember. And you, we changed your bank accounts. We worked on your habits. We worked on your mindset. We, you know, we did a lot of work and self-reflection. And then you came to me with that, with that conversation and we spoke about it.

17:10And yes, I did kind of tell you what I thought about it, but I think that you guys are going, you're not going to go backwards. Does that make sense? Because you are in a different place mentally than you were had you done that on your own without being 100%. This is not our first home equity look. Well, right. But this is a newer home for us. And it's the first time we're doing it with a plan, with structure. And it really makes all the difference. And it's really changed. I look at things so much more carefully when i'm purchasing them i not to say that i was spent with abandon but i i i say oh and maybe not this month because or not this week because it's not really there and you you've been as a said to me carol if it's not there you can't buy it and uh that was a reality check and but it's but but i'm i'm grateful honestly really grateful that i have now gained that awareness to know that i i have i have that power all right budget besties it's time for some real talk you don't need another budget you need a budget system.

18:42Our simplified budget system is what you've been looking for. It's going to allow you to be bougie on a budget. You'll be able to easily set up a system that runs automatically and shows you exactly where your money is going. And it's going to give you permission to spend. Everybody loves that. Yeah. It's straightforward, pretty, and packed with walkthrough videos that break down the exact methods we use with our clients to get out of debt, set up a bills account, separate spending, build savings buckets, and end the paycheck to paycheck feel. If you're new to budgeting, this is the perfect way to jump in.

19:15And if you're already a budget nerd like us, you're about to meet your new obsession. This is the upgrade to your finances that you need right now. Yeah. So head on over to budgetbesties.com forward slash budget and grab yours. Now back to today's show. Yeah. Well, and what you needed was the awareness because we hear it all the time. People will say, or people will get to the point where they're more excited to save money than to spend it. And, but when you're running on the other end, before you're aware, it's all just kind of like ethereal, maybe kind of sort of numbers. You're like, oh, I'll just spend it.

19:47We'll figure it out later. Right. That's usually what, what, where we start. And then we get to, like I said, to the point where you're more excited, probably to save money than to spend it. However, what, what I want to go back to what you said, Eric, because no, we don't really teach getting a home equity loan to consolidate all of your other stuff. Sure. But what we do teach is it's not one size fits all. And it's not, we're not even about you getting out of debt. We will help you figure that out. The main thing when it comes to debt that we want to teach and help you is to stop relying on it, to start saving and start your spending and your savings to where you have money for the things that you usually would rely on debt or turn to debt to use.

20:27You have the money. That's the first step. That's the habit that we want to change. And then however you get out of debt is really kind of a custom plan depending on what's going on. But really, as you guys said, you make good money. You don't need to be racking up credit card debt or any other kind of debt. You just needed to get the systems and habits in place so that, Carol, you can be like, well, my personal money is a little low. I guess I'll wait. That's the decision making rather than just swiping. Being unknown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, and you know, I think having you guys look at how much you cost truly was an eye opener as well.

21:04So I remember when we did this for your business, Eric, I made you do like your savings buckets for your business. And then I put them in your budget and you're like, I can't afford that. And I'm like, but this is what you actually cost. And this is why we're using credit cards. It's because we're all of these expenses that you are going to spend anyways in a year, we're putting it on a credit card because we can't, we're not budgeting for them, you know, in the monthly budget. And, you know, we didn't really get a chance to finish your savings bucket part of your personal, but I think by you seeing what your business actually costs made you think about what you needed to bring in and how that was affecting your personal budget.

21:42Because, you know, we want you to be able to save for those things. We want, you have to, like literally you, people are going into debt because of things, weddings, things like that are coming up that are, that we don't, we don't think about, right? It's easy to budget for gas groceries, spending money, whatever, But all the other stuff, Christmas, Hanukkah, all the fun things that we have coming up, like we need to be able to on purpose save for that. And that is something that you guys just hadn't done yet, ever. Yes. Right. Correct. The risk of sounding like a kid. Yes. No, no, no. It's everybody.

22:17Yeah, you're not alone. We did. Yeah, we did a national research study. And, you know, one of the big takeaways is people don't know what, one, they don't even know what they make in a month. Like it's just never been something that they sit down and look at. Like how much do I make? And then how much do I cost? Whether it's business or personal, that is eye opening to see it all on one page. You kind of have an idea, you know, I got the rent, I got the mortgage or whatever. But when you look at it all on one paper, it's like, oh, now I understand why it feels like it does, you know? Yeah. Okay, so what would you say your biggest takeaway?

22:51And you guys may have a separate one, but what would you say your biggest takeaway or most memorable moment was from coaching? Go first. It can be different. You go first. A feeling. Just a feeling of knowing, of being more calm, of understanding how it all fits together. and yeah I always felt like it should be easier it should be better I feel like we do make enough money that like it shouldn't be a struggle but it always was before budget besties and now like it's not. I wouldn't quite say it's totally not because being in your own business there is definitely variables that everybody knows happens.

23:47I think though, I went in thinking after we put all the budgets together, I thought, I don't know how this is really gonna like work. and then I was so pleasantly surprised I don't want to say I was surprised because I went through the process I knew what we were doing but when it started working like when I knew oh that's coming into this account that's coming into that account and okay there's money in this account and okay there's not money in this account but I knew that I was it's coming well I also knew that I was kind of saving for things that I knew it wasn't I knew there were there were things that I was going to want to do and want to need the money for and therefore I consciously realized and put into play exactly what I needed to do in order to have the experience I wanted to have with the dollars and cents

25:02I remember there was one conversation we had and it was I don't remember the exact situation but I remember getting off the call thinking I really feel like I just yelled at them for 45 minutes. Like I feel like it was it was kind of a hard conversation and I don't again I don't remember. It was it was somewhere. Oh you remember. the middle. Yeah. No, because I remember like most of the calls were, it was really, we were excited about, but there was one where it was hard. But you literally messaged me after, and you were like, that was the best call. And I was like, really? I felt like it was really hard, but it was, you know, I think it's like that, like tough love or those hard conversations that we all need to have with an accountability partner.

25:51I feel like it was almost like a breakthrough session. You know what I mean? Where and I remember that to this day. And I remember getting off going, oh, my gosh, I feel so bad. Like I like my heart sunk just because it was a hard conversation. But then I remember you texting me going, OK, well, maybe it wasn't that bad or maybe it was just what they needed. I think it was necessary for us. I think it may have been uncomfortable on all sides, but I think it was necessary in order for us to really move into fully utilizing the program and trusting it. I think there was maybe a trust issue that you helped us hurdle that we could make it work.

26:37Yeah. I think that what Vanessa said is important. Having an accountability partner. Because we can, well, first of all, we can tell ourselves stories like Eric was doing, which is very common. Budgets don't work. It's not me. It's the budget. That B word is the problem. And I do it. We do it. We all do it in different ways, right? We just kind of tell ourselves what we want to hear instead of actually having to face it. And then if, you know, you guys have such a beautiful relationship, but then sometimes even it's spouse against spouse when it comes to money. So we're not going to talk to you about it.

27:09That's the worst. That's even worse of an idea. So, so I think just sometimes, you know, knowing that having a third party, and even if some of the conversations are ugly, I'd rather do it. Like, let's just get through the money so we can get to to the next part you know so i think that that recognizing that you guys that you could benefit from that because honestly what i see you know you we were talking about your sweet boys like you guys are so successful you know you've had this had this business you have three kids i think the the you know when you want it like that the three kids come home all the time as much you know as often as your boys do because they love you and you guys had you know have such a wonderful relationship like that's real success and that's where you're good at sometimes there's just these little puzzle pieces that we haven't quite in the in the midst of becoming these wonderful parents or raising these humans we didn't quite put together and i think i think for a lot of people unfortunately when were we ever either taught taught or willing to learn how to budget none of us like no thank you hard pass you know yeah absolutely we don't learn it you know we believe we learn either we usually learn what we don't want to do from watching yeah exactly make other mistakes yeah and that's only half the story it's not enough information it's amazing it's it seems so silly and so poignant to think we have these kids we and and whether it's whether it's at home whether it's at school we don't really explain this all to them and i think that it's i would think that just as they used to have home economics and they used to have shop and all these other things that were considered life skills this was a huge life skill that they missed yeah well and you guys bought the system for two right right Two out of three of the kids so far.

29:07You said they would use it. The third one was, thank you, but we won't use it. Yeah, we're not there yet. It's fine. No big deal. You know, maybe. Yeah, sure. No. Yep. No. And I think that is the gift that you can give them. Like one, now that you guys are now modeling, you know, this new financial conversation, behavior, all of that. And not only will they be able to see that from this point on as they start to raise their own families, but you have given them a tool to be able to use. But I don't know if you guys can tell they're from New York, so they're super spicy. I love it so much. It was such a fun coaching experience with you guys.

29:41And so we truly appreciate y 'all coming on, sharing your story, and just being able to maybe relate to some of our audience. Yeah, yeah. I hope so. And so, yeah, absolutely you did. So just real quick, was there anything that we missed that maybe you wanted to add in there? I think we talked about this at some point. There's a game called Cashflow. Yep. That one of our sons bought for himself, actually, and everyone in the house learned how to play it. But it was really it was it was much more like a real life monopoly where it shows you and it teaches you that it's not how much you make. It's what you do with it that makes the difference.

30:22Yeah. And, you know, you know, if you want to leave this in the podcast, this is not an affiliate link. It's just find it on, or you guys can add a link to Cashflow on Amazon. But we found it to be really helpful. And our sons did. One of the sons is living it. He's actually doing, he has his own business and he is. Is he the one that bought it? Yes. Yeah. Shocking. Yeah. He was nested before. He was hungry. Yeah. Some of them are just hungry. I actually have my nephew. Hugh, he wrote himself a million dollar check and it's taped to the ceiling of his master bedroom. And he's like in his 20s, but I love him.

31:03He's an entrepreneur. He can fix anything, do anything. He bought a duplex. Very first property he ever bought is a duplex. And he is fixing one side all by himself and he's going to flip it. Anyways, some of these kids just have that vision at a very young age and I absolutely love it. I think it's great. Yeah, it is. That was the only thing I had. Is there anything else you had? I just want to thank you. I mean, I really, I feel more, I just feel more in control and I feel like I understand and I feel like I'm being so much more mindful and that's very comforting. So thank you so much for that.