Combining Finances After 14 Years: The Budget System That Changed Everything | 462

0:00We had gone to a retirement counseling thing a couple months, maybe six months before we met with you guys. And it was kind of terrifying, actually, because we were not. For me. Yeah, for Aaron. He was like, we're never going to be able to retire. We're not going to be able to do this ever. And I was like, I thought we made all this money. Like, what do you mean we're not going to ever be able to do anything? Which increased the guilt because I spend a lot of money on things that are just for me. You know, like, and the horses, horses cost a lot of money. And so I was like, man, I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to give it up because we got to feel comfortable.

0:38And we, you know, so when we put it all together, it was like, oh, you know what? We can actually handle this. Like, we're going to be able to make the move happen. We can still have horses and kids in private school and gymnastics. We just have to be careful about silly stuff. We don't need to spend guilty hundreds of dollars at the gas stations on coffee every month.

1:26or you're not on the same page with your spouse when it comes to finances. We know what you're doing probably isn't working, but guess what? You're in the right place. We're Shana and Vanessa. We're best friends, business partners, and master financial coaches trained by Dave Ramsey. We've been in business since 2019, helping hundreds of amazing people like you create budgets, get out of debt, stop living paycheck to paycheck, and know exactly what to do with their money. In this podcast, we'll share with you everything we know, plus everything we're working on with our clients so that you have the best chance at reaching your financial goals.

1:58We want to help you take the guesswork out of your budget, improve your marriages, and even bring your kids in on the conversation. We can help you no matter where you're at, whether you're the single mom who's never had$500 in her savings account or the millionaire who's paid off four real estate mortgages. And we're not going to shy away from the tough love. We'll tell you what you need to hear and encourage you at the same time. This is the Financial Coaching for Women podcast. All right. We are so excited to have Aaron and Sarah on financial coaching for women. We love them so much. We actually know them.

2:29Our kids all go to school together. And so we have, we are really privileged to have them on, but they also are super cool and kind of came into our world to actually not just be friends, but to work on their budget. So we're excited to hear about that. Yeah. We're so thankful that you guys are willing to come on and share your story. So you guys bought the system and then got like a one month of coaching. Let's start with Aaron showed up as the sole guy, dude, the dude in chief for our bootcamp. Yeah. So we had a bootcamp at the beginning of the year and he was there and he was our like the man in the room, like just commenting and really being involved in the conversation.

3:09So that was super fun. So with all that said, you know, y 'all tell us, I know you knew us personally, but what led you to want to sign up for the bootcamp and really be involved in that? Yeah. So I think I was kind of the, the, the strong arm in that effort. You know, I think Shay and I connected on, you know, social media at some point in time. I don't remember who friended who or how that all played out, but I started seeing her posts on the budget busties and stuff. So it got me kind of curious because, you know, I wanted to be able to, you know, speak financial stuff with my wife without getting frustrated or or angry you know actually have a conversation rather than you know spiking the frustrations there so I was like okay well maybe if I start listening to the podcast I can kind of figure out how I can communicate effectively with her and you know kind of kind of approach it from that aspect so then you know I brought it up to her I was like hey they're doing this boot camp you know I signed up for it do you want to be there too.

4:07So, you know, like day one or two of the bootcamp, I think we're like, Hey, we, we should get this system. And she was, she was like, yeah, let's, let's do it. You know, it seems like a good thing. You know, it, it makes sense. And, you know, we're, we're all about easy life at this stage in our lives. Yeah. Nobody has time for extra steps. Unnecessary. The complications come automatically with, with all the fun schedules that we all have. I love that. And now I know to tell people, okay, this is the, this is like the PSYOP method. You go in and even though it's for women, it's not for you, but you'll, maybe it'll help you talk to you.

4:47We're all very, did you ever listen, Sarah, to the, to the podcast? Not before we had the bootcamp, but since then, yes, it was, I had, he, I knew you guys did budget besties and I was like, you know, we should talk to them someday. But I kind of never really got around to it until he was like, we're gonna do this. Well, you guys, you know, what's really fun about you guys is y 'all had, you know, I think the very common frustration, like you said, is like this, this conversation is always tense. It's not like this fun conversation. We're kind of avoiding it. We're, we're grownups, though, we should probably be able to talk about this.

5:23But for some reason, it's just icky. So you have that, which is very common, I think, but you guys also have big dreams. So I wonder if some of that we're excited about, like we're coming with you whenever they happen, but that hopefully we're like, if we can tackle this, we can get there sooner. Or we can, we can actually make that happen instead of it just being an idea in our head. Definitely. And so I, Aaron and I always struggle to talk about money really, because we have different approaches on handling money. And up until you guys who are totally separate in our finances, we kept everything completely separate.

5:55I paid my set of bills. He paid his set of bills and we had kind of divvied up the house expenses, but I had no idea what money he had and what he was spending. And he had no idea what money I had and what I was spending. And I was drowning and I was too proud to admit it. And I racked up a pretty significant credit card bill in the process. And so you guys kind of like totally fix that. it's all gone now well i you know you're not alone we hear that a lot of people just trying to make it work and trying to handle it and deal with it and not bother the other spouse with the situation and then but what that turns into is a lot of debt and you know basically it's like you snap your fingers you turn around there's like fifteen thousand ten thousand dollars on a credit card or multiple credit cards and you're like how did that happen but it was literally trying to just make everyday things work it wasn't like we're all at gucci trying to buy bags you know it's like we're really we're trying to buy grocery we're trying to send our kids to play gymnastics or do gymnastics just the regular everyday normal things yeah i think that that is very very again very common and you know if you are watching this sarah has her sweet shadow box in the back with her military uniforms in there and i mean coming from a military background i think that that's very like we're just going to throw some people together that are so different probably and you know and like life is so busy and chaotic let's eventually we'll get to the money thing.

7:18And we do budgets. When we bring people in, just like what you said, and if the both spouse are not on board yet, I'm like, okay, so you pay the electricity bill, the YMCA. I'm so confused. How did you guys come up with this system? It's obviously complicated and not working for you. So I think that, again, it's very common to have the finances separate. And I think the burden it puts on both of you, I'm sure Erin had you had your own version of this, But Sarah, you knowing that that credit card is racking up, obviously you don't want to, like you said, there's some pride there. Like, I don't want to, I'm obviously handling it.

7:52It's all fine. Gymnastics is very cheap. It's fine. Everything's fine. And like, you don't know that like that's eating you up. So maybe it, it, it makes you respond a little snappier or sharper to your kids or your husband. And, and so just, but being able to come together and share the, like share the burden, but know, like we can also work toward the goal together. I think that's really exciting. Definitely. Yeah. So when, when she finally did tell me about the credit card debt, you know, I was like, well, shoot, you know, I've, I've got that in my account. Like, let's just pay it off. So, you know, it, so Sarah felt like, you know, like the gymnastic stuff and the horse stuff that we do, you know, it was kind of her passion that, you know, the girls were involved with that and she was involved with that.

8:35So why should she burden me with that? Or why should I have to foot the bill for that? You know? So, you know, after the boot camp is when we're like, hey, let's, you know, let's do the joint account thing, you know. And so, you know, all of our money is going to the same account now. And, you know, we can always take a look at it together and figure things out. And, you know, the budget system that you guys put together has been, you know, a huge blessing for us. You know, we can talk through. Yeah, we can talk through our goals together. hey where do we you know we've got you know this much extra that you know isn't allocated towards bills or to the you know default savings accounts that we've got set up be like we we automated a lot of that stuff you know we've got automated transfer set up you know so hey we still have this extra money what should we put it towards you know and you know right right now we're we're working towards paying off sarah's car so that's awesome i think that that is so i want to go back to what you said when you said yeah i have that money in my account let's just pay it off because you know I think that that sadly some of that is missing in some of these relationships that we that we deal with because well and they don't even know if that's the way their husband would respond they're assuming that their husband is going to respond very differently and maybe that was Sarah I don't know I maybe I'm speaking for you Sarah but no was it I was I was you weren't sure I was afraid to not that I mean Aaron's a pretty cool guy but I was worried that he was going to be like what are you thinking and you know like what were you doing not oh no big deal I can pay that or we'll fix it, you know?

10:07Well, yeah. And what a blessing because sometimes you just don't know unless you have the conversation. And once you have the conversation, you know, one of the things I like to tell people is, look, you've sat with this for months, maybe years. You've, you've freaked out about it. You're upset about it. You've had your moment about it. You haven't told your husband yet. So he probably, he might need that moment. Just let him have that moment. But in this case, he didn't. He was like, yeah, that's fine. We are a team. We are a one, We were working together towards our goals together. And he just took the opportunity to just, you know, make that a clean slate for you guys and move forward.

10:38Yes. And that was, yeah. And I think of, oh, go ahead. No, sorry. That was a big relief because it was like that. There was that fear of it being like this big thing. And then it was like, okay, we can do this. We can do this together. That took a lot of the pressure off of me for my, I have expensive hobbies, you know? Yes, girl. The most expensive hobby. Yes. Yes. My kids have expensive hobbies, you know? So I, I, it took, we, we can afford it. And I was, I can't imagine where we would be even just now. Cause it's been, we've been with you guys for nine months or so. And it would be worse if we hadn't done this.

11:19So I'm, I'm grateful. And it's taken that stress and pressure off me. So we can talk in general better, but we can talk about our money better. I have obviously so many things to say, which is this is you guys are supposed to be talking, but I'm thinking about the other sleeper dudes that are listening to our podcast that are like Aaron. And I just think you have an opportunity to be that safe place for your wife to come clean, which sometimes it's the other way around too, guys. But like Vanessa said, I think we have people that don't let their spouse have a minute to digest this very alarming information that we're together$15 ,000 in credit card debt.

11:58Like let them have a minute. Don't expect immediate like rainbows and butterflies. But also if you, if we can offer grace like that, I think that that's just so powerful. And that's why we're married. Like we're to be able to have these moments where we come together and all that. And, and like you said, now, now where you're at is amazing. One thing that we hear a lot about is, you know, travel sport, or we don't hear, we live, we're living this life together. Travel sports accelerates quickly. Okay. You're like, oh, this is cute. Look, she could do a forward roll. And then all of a sudden you're like, Oh, she's obviously going to Miami next week.

12:30And I think that in and of itself can be complicated to, to figure out. And then you have the other hobby. Aaron obviously has his hunting hobby. Is that a hobby? Is that, is, I don't know what men call it, whatever your passion, whatever you call it. Okay. And then you guys both have, you know, and then you have the kids like, and you have private school. There's a lot going on in your budget that you really did need to come together to be able to put it all on paper. And like you said, it's not that you can't afford it, but it's very, it's a lot if we don't plan it on purpose. Well, and you didn't know if you could afford it.

12:59Right. Right. Cause you said that the separatism was separate. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, we like private school and the mortgage, I think we're too big expensive. So Sarah covered the school, I covered the mortgage and yeah, all the, all the extra bills in there, you know, electric water, all that fun, you know, we kind of divvied out to where, you know, we thought we were doing good and, you know, clearly it worked to some point. And then, you know, we got it, got it back on track so when it's all on one page once you guys got there what what did you see was possible or what it what was your realization then so can i just say first that it's a very beautiful budget system that you guys put together i know you guys are often you love the pink and teal aaron i do it's it's very pleasant to look at yeah yeah it's calming yeah yeah so yeah putting it putting it all on one piece of paper and you know seeing like i i didn't know we made that much money together you know we talked about it kind of offhand but actually seeing the numbers when they were all there was like wow you know we're we're doing a lot better than most you know why don't we feel like it so then we started filling out the rest of the columns and figuring all that stuff and let's all go away right yeah you know and not all of it was going away i mean it's like okay well why why doesn't our savings account actually reflect that we're doing this role.

14:20All right, budget besties. It's time for some real talk. You don't need another budget. You need a budget system. Our simplified budget system is what you've been looking for. It's going to allow you to be bougie on a budget. You'll be able to easily set up a system that runs automatically and shows you exactly where your money is going. And it's going to give you permission to spend. Everybody loves that. Yeah. It's straightforward, pretty, and packed with walkthrough videos that break down the exact methods we use with our clients to get out of debt, set up a bills account, separate spending, build savings buckets, and end the paycheck to paycheck feel.

14:56If you're new to budgeting, this is the perfect way to jump in. And if you're already a budget nerd like us, you're about to meet your new obsession. This is the upgrade to your finances that you need right now. Yeah. So head on over to budgetbesties.com forward slash budget and grab yours. Now back to today's show. When we met to sit down and kind of set up the automations and set up the bank account and stuff, that was, I think the first time, the first time in y 'all's marriage that everything kind of came together, right? Yeah, definitely. Yeah. And I know that was a really big step. So can you walk through kind of that moment of, okay, we're, we're due.

15:33We're going to do this. After the bootcamp here, after the bootcamp, we're like, okay, you know, we need to combine our accounts and everything. And so we decided to switch banks. So we went bank shopping and, you know, we kind of settled on a bank that, you know, kind of aligned with our goals with, you know, the high interest yield savings accounts and everything. And so, you know, it was a, you know, it was a stage, a several stage process, you know, it wasn't instantaneous, you know, like first step one for us was, Hey, we need to change all of our direct deposits where, where our income was going to, you know, we left a lot of the original money, I guess, in our previous banks so we could cover the bills and make sure that we had that all set up.

16:17Hey, is the direct deposit working? Okay, that's good to go. So we're going to start, you know, having our new bank make those payments, you know, cover all the bills and everything. And I don't even remember what your original question was at this point, but yeah, it was a several stage process. but you know it ended up you know getting ironed out and you know i think so you know we we were lucky enough to win the free coaching for a month too so you know we wanted to kind of push that off as much as we can to where we had you know our bank account set up and you know things was kind of moving along and you know there was this little pain i guess on that side as possible So, yeah, working with Vanessa was a huge, huge blessing to us.

17:05And, you know, we couldn't be more grateful. All right, Sarah, tell us. I was raised to be completely, like, in control of myself, my money, my finances, the whole nine yards, and to take care of myself and not depend on anybody else. and so it was really really hard for me to go from my money and your money to our financial situation and so it was it was hard at first you know it was there was a lot of reluctance on my part to combine our accounts and like this was the first time he's gonna see what I spend money on you know this is crazy stuff and then yeah exactly like oh but he's gonna see how much my horses actually cost me.

17:52And then the sweet little things to tell them. Yeah. The little things I'm like, Oh, don't worry about it. It's okay. It's covered. So, but when we put it together, when we finally, you know, just, I said, you know, let's try it. Like if all else fails, we can just get separate accounts again. And it was, for me, it was a major learning shift to go, hey this is how this is supposed to work we're off we're a unit we're not two separate entities we're working together and building a life together and it only took us you know 12 years 14 years to figure all that out because we've been working on it now it's never too late well it took us 14 years to get there babe and then we hit our 15 year anniversary and in the beginning you're just babies.

18:39So sweet. I think that is very, again, very common what you're saying, Sarah. I think, yeah, I feel like I was raised that way too. And I do think, you know, I do think Aaron being gracious about the debt probably gave you a little, a little like willingness to leap and do this. And, and I think, would you, could you just speak to, since you were so open about that, how does it feel now? So, you know, you were, were, I'm going to, I'm raised this way to do this and now I've taken the leap I'm on the other side what would you say to like Sarah you know of five years ago or whatever to about where you are now with the fact that you guys are combining it you're relying on each other you're a unit like you said instead of the me me versus him I wish we had done it years ago I wish we had done it right from the very start because we I mean we're doing really well and you can say I wish I wish I wish forever but right i we we could be i could have you know four horses now instead of just two so it would be you know erin that's the goal you know what they say about horse girls i know but yeah i i wish we had done it sooner and i you know it is okay do you feel like it's is it does it help strengthen your relationship do you feel more peace doing it together than apart like 100 what do you think about that.

19:59It takes that stress of the money conversation out of our marriage completely, because it's all there. I mean, we just put the stuff in every month. We check the boxes and it's, I mean, it takes, we, we pop into the budget spreadsheet probably several times a week, each of us, but it's because we like to, not that we have to, because it really does kind of handle everything for us. You know, it's already there. I just like to see everything gray out when it's already done. So I know it's so satisfying, but we made you guys a separate account, right? For the horses specifically. Yes. How does that, like, how does, how has that been knowing that that is separate from bills, from gas, from groceries, from your personal money?

20:43It takes care of, it helps me to separate out and take care of how much like I'm spending on grain. And I know that I'm not taking like horse food money or farrier bills or things like that out of our bills budget. It's all coming out of the, what I make with horses into my horse account and it's, it's taking care of itself. Yeah. That is, that is really good. And Aaron, do you, do you have like a savings bucket for hunting and traveling to hunt and all the things that you do? So the, the way that we've got ours set up, you know, it's a bank limitation. We can only have three spending accounts and then 10 savings accounts.

21:23So joint accounts kind of tie into that. So we have one joint spending account and that's our bills. And then Sarah has two and then I have two. You know, mine covers the gas and groceries or like my gas and groceries and, you know, my spending. And then Sarah has one for her spending and her horse account. And then our, all of our savings, I think we have like nine joint savings accounts and then one separate, you know, individual savings account and stuff. So, you know, my, you know, my, my hobby account is kind of my savings, you know, so Sarah can't see that on her side, but, you know, anytime she wants to look at it, you know, it's, it's open for her to see and I'll, I'll throw money in there that I don't spend, you know, just so it takes advantage of that high yield portion of the Save as a Care.

22:16Yes, important, very important. How has it been knowing that you have all this extra money every month? Because at the beginning of the call, you were kind of alluding to every month there's extra money and you guys get to decide kind of where it goes. How has that conversation been? I'm sure it's been fun being able to decide and make the decision of what do you want to do with your money each month? What are your goals? It is fun because we can put extra money toward our debts. It stopped being fun for a minute because we had a big, big spending month and we didn't have that extra money. And so, you know, my family came to town.

22:48Yeah. Yeah. My family came to town. Yeah. We wanted to show them all the fun restaurants. Yeah. All the fun things to do around. But again, yeah, that's I know that it feels like that's not as much fun, but you didn't put it on debt. I think that's a big deal. And you were able to be generous the way you want to be. And that that was huge because, you know, in the past, we would have been like we wouldn't have had that extra rollover money that we could spend and it would have just gone on a credit card. And so that's, that is, it is nice because that's kind of like a big buffer for when something different happens that month.

23:23And then I think another big difference from then versus now is that we pay ourselves first, right up front. We, money goes on the first of the month, goes in the savings accounts. And that never happened before either. It was just what was left over. And which windows quickly. What's left over isn't usually much. So if you don't plan for that saving, so we're saving more money now than we've ever saved in our lives. And like, because we're saving intentionally where we have things set up to those 10, 12, 11 actually accounts, because we have nine join and each of us have our own independent savings account.

24:03And we save for those things every month. It's just, we just save it. And it's like, it's not even part of our income because it's income and out, it goes right away. So. Yeah. Well, you pay yourself in your savings, but you also get your money where you're going to live in the spending. You have your spending and your gas and groceries and then you just have to live there and you know, everything is taken care of. I love that. I think most people wait till the end of the month to save money. And then they're amazed that they don't have anything left. Why is it not here? So you're not alone there.

24:33And I just love that. I mean, you guys are really the perfect example of that you're bougie on a budget. I love that you guys have such specific bougie-ness. We've got the gymnastics, the horses, and the hunting. Like, I think these are great different examples of bougie-ness than maybe some other people. But you could afford it all, but you weren't affording it all. You didn't know. Because you didn't know. And like, and so you can do all of these wonderful things that you're able, you're blessed to be able to do in your life. And now it's like, you're paying for them all in cash on purpose. And I just really, I think that's awesome.

25:03Yeah, absolutely. Kim, what would be y 'all's each like takeaway? What was your big, like aha takeaway moment from kind of setting all this up for you guys and getting, getting started? The, the big takeaway for me. So, you know, early on in our marriage, you know, I tried getting Sarah to do the joint account thing. And I think we had a joint account and part of her paycheck was going in there to cover some of the bills and stuff. And, you know, it just wasn't working, you know. So, yeah, you're 14 years later. Like she said, we got things set up and going. But, you know, the big takeaway for me, you know, aside from how beautiful the spreadsheet is, you know.

25:44Am I pandering you too much? It means a lot coming from Aaron. Thank you so much. Oh, no, just like just the conversations I think we've had about money, you know, like our our big goal is is moving to Montana, you know, as you know, but now all your listeners know, too. So, you know, cross country, I told you, right, cross country move from Florida, Montana, you know, that's that's one of our big, you know, savings accounts is, you know, our Montana move. so you know just just the way that it's all kind of fallen into place and everything with with your guidance is you know it's it's a lot peaceful financially and in our household right now awesome and for me like we had gone to a retirement counseling thing a couple months maybe six months before we met we met with you guys and it was kind of terrifying actually because Because like, we were not for me.

26:43Yeah. For Aaron, it was, he was like, we're never going to be able to retire. We're not gonna be able to do this ever. And I was like, I thought we made all this money. Like, what, what do you mean? We're not going to ever be able to do anything, which increased the guilt because I spend a lot of money on things that are just for me, you know, like, and the, the, the horses, horses cost a lot of money. And so I was like, man, I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to give it up because we got to feel comfortable. And we, you know, so when we put it all together it was like oh you know what we can actually handle this like we're gonna be able to make the move happen we can still have horses and kids in private school and gymnastics we just have to be careful about silly stuff like we don't need to spend guilty you know hundreds of dollars at the gas stations on coffee every month you know don't have to do that yeah so makes a big difference Another big thing for me was the mock budget tab on there.

27:45You know, so like we're trying to figure out, you know, how much house we can afford and all that stuff. So, you know, I took, you know, one month and, you know, pasted it over into that mock budget side, deleted everything Florida out of there. And I'm like, okay, you know, here's what we still have to, or here, you know, you guys say how much we cost. Okay, this is how much we still cost. okay what's our what's our leftover amount it's like oh okay you know that's that's a good number to to run with yeah and that's perfect because we are we were just talking before we got on here we're working on some stuff and the whole point is the beginning of this for us is that you're able to dream again you know you're able to have this dream of montana and everything that that's going to entail like that we want that for you we want you guys to have that and not be soul crushed after the meeting about retirement we're never going to do this the world's falling we want the opposite of that.

28:36You guys have something exciting that you're working on together. And now you see that it's actually possible. And it's easy to not buy hundreds of dollars worth of coffee when you know, like the Montana account is growing and growing. And so you guys, that is just so exciting. And it's exactly why we're doing what we're doing. We want everybody to be able to dream again and see what's possible with their money. Well, and come together like you guys did, but thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story. We really appreciate your time and everything that you share with the listeners, we know that they're going to get something out of it.

29:08Thank you. We love you guys. Thanks for having us. We think that this has been great. You guys are great. Yes. If you're tired of feeling like your finances are all over the place and you're ready for a simple set-it-and-forget-it way to budget, we have something special for you. Watch our Automate Your Budget Masterclass at budgetbesties.com forward slash automate. We'll show you step-by-step how to finally organize your money, how to set up your accounts and put your budget on autopilot. So your bills, saving, and spending run like clockwork. Imagine less stress, more savings, and the freedom to spend money without having to track every dollar or babysit your bank account.