Divorcing Without Drama: Real Coaching on Shared Debt, Separate Accounts, and Transitioning to a Solo Budget | 477

0:00Shayna:So the best thing that we tell our clients, especially if it's just one spouse coming into the sessions, we say, print out the budget and give it to them and just say, what do you think? And just, and then just stop talking and just let him talk, let him decide, let them be his decisions. Cause y 'all are going to come to the same conclusion because the information's right there. It's black and white on paper, but sometimes it's good to just let him make a decision. Do you make good money, but have nothing to show for it? Are you tired of living paycheck to paycheck? Do you have big dreams for your financial future?

0:29Shayna:Do you want to get debt free, but you don't want to live on beans and rice? Or you don't want to give up those pumpkin spice lattes? Hey, it's okay if you don't already know how to budget or if you're using credit cards to get through the month. Hey, it's okay if you want to seem like you have your finances all together or you're not on the same page with your spouse when it comes to finances. We know what you're doing probably isn't working, but guess what? You're in the right place. We're Shana and Vanessa. We're best friends, business partners, and master financial coaches trained by Dave Ramsey.

0:58Shayna:We've been in business since 2019, helping hundreds of amazing people like you create budgets, get out of debt, stop living paycheck to paycheck, and know exactly what to do with their money. In this podcast, we'll share with you everything we know, plus everything we're working on with our clients so that you have the best chance at reaching your financial goals. We want to help you take the guesswork out of your budget, improve your marriages, and even bring your kids in on the conversation. We can help you no matter where you're at, whether you're the single mom who's never had$500 in her savings account, or the millionaire who's paid off four real estate mortgages.

1:30Shayna:And we're not going to shy away from the tough love. We'll tell you what you need to hear and encourage you at the same time. This is the Financial Coaching for Women podcast. Hi, Linda. Thank you so much for coming on Financial Coaching for Women. We're so glad you're here to share your story. So please let us know a little bit about yourself and how we can help. Thanks for having me. I found your podcast a couple of months ago on the heels of finding the Ramsey show. And there were certain things about that that didn't quite work for me. So I was looking, searching and I landed on you. I, my situation is that I'm currently going through a divorce and we've got some joint liabilities still, and money is somewhat combined and somewhat separated and I'm working on really how best to tackle all of it.

2:24So I'm not sure what the best way to approach it is. We've got to pay off certain joint debts. And at the same time, I'd like to start moving forward more singularly as divorce becomes more of a reality. Okay. There's a lot to get to here and we're happy that, or we're honored that you're asking for our help and that we're able to help you in this because obviously there's a lot to deal with right now, but money, having to deal with the money is probably just an extra burden. We've dealt with this a little bit before. And one thing that kind of matters is how, like you mentioned, how you're, you've been ordered to deal with the finances, right?

3:05So what is in your decree or whatever that's telling you how you have to deal with stuff. But in general, we would say, go ahead and already set up your own bill system, your own thing. You got it going over here. And then whatever is required to be joint, we can talk to that. You can keep that together over there as long as you have to. So for example, one of my clients, he would pay her income and she would pay the bills. So she controlled all of it. But the way it was ordered is that he had to pay her monthly until it was all paid off or until they sold their house or whatever. And so it was all together in her stuff.

3:41But if you are being required to do it together over here, then we'd have to work on that. So really, we need a little bit of context of where you're at and what you are sharing still and how long you have to share it and stuff like that. Sure. We don't have an order yet. We've been trying to work through it amicably. Oh, great. Yeah, which is good. And I hope it continues. I think at this point, we've got a mortgage. We own our home. We've got a truck payment, which is the vehicle he drives. There's a home equity loan, which was used to purchase an RV and another vehicle loan from a family member for which we purchased for our daughter.

4:21So those are the remaining joint debts. And we're trying to pay down the ones that we can before submitting the paperwork to the court. Okay. Just simplify things a little bit. Yeah, that's where we are. And then in terms of our bank accounts, we have some joint bank accounts in one bank. And then I have a bank account that really just has my name on it, which is the one that I've been using to try to set up the system that boutique with the eye toward that eventually being the bank that I mostly work with.

4:57Shayna:In that new bank account, do you have, are you starting your own subscriptions and you have your own bills started building in there? Or do you don't have anything? Yes. There you are. Okay, you do. Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah, and actually that bank has been the one that we've always used, but all of the mortgage and cheap loan and - Just in a different account. I think so. It made more sense to do all the joint stuff in the bank where all the loans were, and me just keep the old bank account as my own. Oh, and it only has your name on it, or does it have his as well? The one has my name on it only.

5:37And then the other one has both of ours.

5:39Shayna:Okay. So in order to, let's just talk about starting the system first and get that going. So you have the system. We need to get your bills account set up and then your spending account. So if really, I know everything is messy right now. If those are the two things that you do first is get that bills account, get your spending account, make sure you fill out the budget system, get that going. And then your savings buckets really, for those important aspects, you want to make sure you set yourself up as well. But then you're going to need to find what are the bills that you still owe on the other account that you guys have joint.

6:16Shayna:And I would put them in there, a little section at the bottom, because those are going to go away eventually, right? But we still need to have them listed so you know what you're responsible to pay. And then you can take that as a transfer and transfer it out into that specific account. Yeah. So you're going to move everything over to your account all by yourself, including your income, including your bills, including everything. And then you would be paying back into the old account what you guys have agreed that you're part of the debt payoff is. So that plan can still happen. You can still work together on it, all of that, but your finances are still going to be completely separate.

6:50Does that make sense? it does yeah okay yeah so what have you guys talked about as far as paying it off before you go to the court and all that what is your sort of game plan we would like to pay off his truck our daughter's vehicle and the home equity loan which are my daughter's vehicles It's$4 ,200 left on it. His truck has about$15 ,000 and the home equity is$43 ,000. That's a lot. So how, are y 'all, is there anything that you're selling or any money in savings or retirement that's going to be used to get this done with? Or is this something that y 'all are going to be doing monthly just with regular income to contribute towards these debts?

7:36I think mostly regular income. I didn't want to touch anybody's retirement. We do make good money. We have a lot to work with, but we also haven't been really great stewards of our money in the past. A lot of spending and not a lot of saving. So I think that's the plan is to work with our income. We have been selling things. He sold a motorcycle. Unfortunately, the same week, the septic tank died. so at least I didn't on a credit card and it's not I've been selling little things here and there but they don't really amount to a whole lot I do have some side hustles I've been picking those up more and but it takes time for that income to come in yeah for sure I think we're um I really don't want to touch retirement if I can help it yeah no I was just asking if you guys already had

8:29Shayna:a plan or wasn't sure now are y 'all saying okay we have I'm just gonna throw a number out there like$50 ,000 in debt and you're paying 25, he's paying 25 or all just both trying to pay as much as you can until the divorce is final. I think we're both trying to pay as much as we can until the divorce is final. And yeah, but we've done the money jointly. I've been responsible for it, but I haven't done a great job. This is okay. I'm going to be honest with you. I think it's really great that you're being amicable. That's really like probably the best case scenario for everybody, but this is going to be very messy.

9:05It's going to be at least a year till you can get out of debt, right? I'm just guessing. And then you're living together still, but you're trying to go separate ways. You're going to have joint bills. So the rest of that part is your mortgage is still together. Your utilities are still together. Probably your phone bill is still together. So with us saying separate, you can't really separate if you're living like you're still married, which no, no judgment about it. I'm just, we're just trying to figure out like, what is the actual situation that we're dealing with? That's pretty much it. We are still living together.

9:35Although I'm starting to spend nights away and he's starting to spend nights away. Our parents both live close by, but the money stuff, like the bills really are still all joint. It's time to enter your coaching era because making good money should feel like making good

9:53Shayna:money. Yeah. Imagine six months of private coaching where we'll tell you exactly what to do. No guesswork, no confusion, and absolutely no judgment. It's a done-for-you system that actually works. You don't know what you don't know, and that's not your fault. And that's why we're here. Financial coaching with us looks like two coaching sessions a month, personalized recaps, and after-hour support, you can text and email. So you're never stuck wondering what to do next. Together, we're going to build your budget, set up your system, and tackle any challenges that come up along the way, which, by the way, they always do.

10:27Shayna:If what you're doing isn't working and you're tired of trying to figure it out on your own, sign up for financial coaching at budgetbesties.com forward slash coaching before all of our spots fill up and we will help you go further faster. Six months from now, you'll wish you started today. I tried to give him with the spending accounts. We did set that up. So I didn't at least have to track all of his stuff because I do still track on the Ramsey Every Dollar app, but it didn't really work and he kind of objected to it you know he wants to what was the objection so I wanted him to use like that weekly amount that I would have him transfer to his personal account for gas groceries spending restaurants whatever he felt like the groceries should be still joint because we still live together we have a daughter at home and things like that.

11:24So it's just messy and I'm not sure the best way to deal with all of it is.

11:30Shayna:Is the plan to keep everything to how, what's the timeline on the divorce? Because if y 'all aren't going to get out of debt for at least maybe a year, what is the, are y 'all trying not to complete the divorce until y 'all are out of debt or what, what is the process? No, I would like to complete it. I think it can be done like early 2026, maybe February. However, I don't think the deaths would be paid off by then. And I'm in New York, so the state that we're in, they don't really require that. There just has to be a plan for it in the divorce decree. Okay. So in other words, continue to have joint deaths, but we have to say, okay, they're going to be paid off within six months or titles to cars are going to be transferred within six months or whatever the case may be.

12:18Okay.

12:18Shayna:And is everything staying together in the one account or are y 'all going to start separating things like your bills and his bills or is everything going to stay? I'm just trying to figure out the timeline here so that way you can start doing this on your own. Yeah, we started separating. He opened his own bank account. I opened my own bank account or took him off, I should say, because it was joint. and we still have some joint accounts as well. So it's all over the place. So, I mean, yeah, like I said, it's either we're going to live like we're married or live like we're divorced. And that's the part that's making it messy.

13:03It's very simple in our minds, how you would go about it if you guys were divorced or you were like getting divorced next month or whatever. And then what happens after that, again, the judge, between you and the judge, you're going to come up with how it's going to go. you guys could do that ahead of time so if he's already got separate accounts and you're still paying all the bills you can say that you get income from him in a certain amount that covers everything that you guys agree that he's supposed to cover you can do that now you're running the finances still which you already were and you're going to have to do anyway so getting used to that it's not not a bad idea but then he would just pay you if you guys have an agreement like you're planning to take to the judge anyway based on that and then you're still managing everything and he's just giving you how much he owes you.

13:50Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. It's like a child support or a paycheck into your bills account.

13:56Shayna:It's like income. Have you shown him, like simplify about the system that you set up and you made, have you shown him all of y 'all's income, all of the debt, what the spending, groceries, like all that looks like so he can get a full picture and he knows what's going on? Because men are very visual. They need to be able to see on paper because if he's saying groceries needs to be together because we're still living together, totally understandable. But if we're trying to eventually cut ties, then what does that look like? Is it gas and groceries or just groceries is together and then everything else is separate?

14:24Shayna:Just so he can see how much he owes and the why behind it. Yeah, no, that's a great question. And yes, I showed him the one-page budget with all the, just the one-page thing, which he thought was very helpful. He had drawn this thing with bubbles and arrows and their bubbles. And I was like, that really worked with my brain, but look at this. And he did. And he was like, okay, I can now see why I have a problem. So I think he's starting to understand. And that's part of the problem is he's never handled any of the money. So he's starting to understand it better and starting to understand why he can't go out and just buy a new bike or whatever it is.

15:05And we're getting divorced. So it's, but it was very helpful to show him that he gets it. He knows the number. he believes the numbers because I showed him the backup from the app the every dollar app and he has that access to all the bank accounts he's just never really looked until recently yeah so this method if he's if he's open to it where he pays you is probably the best option Linda because you he can manage his own money with whatever is left over and he can start to get used to it like you said you've been doing it so he has to start to grow that muscle and get used to doing it on his own.

15:38And this will give him like a until next year time, like a trial period for both of you to work on it together. But then it also allows you to start taking control and making progress and moving forward. And so when you guys look at it all together, that's what I, and that's the conversation we would have is I know we've been doing it together, but now we're moving, this part has to start to separate too. So if we look at it all together, this is your portion of everything that you're responsible. Why don't you just pay me that half of each paycheck or whatever you guys work out. And then you put that as income in your account and you do the budget the regular way, the way that you would have anyway.

16:12Shayna:So whenever he gets paid, whatever his pay cycle is, whether it's once a month, the first and the 15th or every other week or whatever, decide with the budget, simplify budget system that you're looking at how much from each paycheck he needs to give to you to make everything work. So that way you can just set all the payments up automatically. You don't have to worry about anything. And then all you have to do and the end is worry about your spending accounts. Okay. Yeah, that to me would make a lot of sense. Hopefully he'll buy into it. Yeah. And that's the other part about having him involved and showing him on paper.

16:44Shayna:I'm not just pulling these numbers out of thin air. I'm showing you right here, this is half of this. If that's what you decide, if it's 25 % or 50 % or whatever y 'all decide on the percentages on paying everything, then he can physically see, okay, y 'all have decided this together. The amounts aren't really gonna change, but a couple of dollars here and there, if the internet goes up or something, he knows that the amount is truthful. Yeah. And hopefully it also just allows him like some control because he's still getting his paycheck. Yeah. He's still managing and then whatever's left for him, he's managing with spending and everything.

17:15And then hopefully it's a good middle ground until the next step, which is, and by the way, the next step is going to be, you have to pay for your own phone, however you guys do, that's going to be the next step next year. And this will be a precursor because he's probably still going to have to give, If you guys decide on this, unless you just completely split debts, like he takes the HELOC and you take the car or whatever, like you're, he's still probably going to have to pay you money. So that, that will be already. The habit's already started. Yeah, that's a really good point. I would like him to have a better handle on how to do that.

17:50And I'm not saying that I have a good handle on it. I don't, I feel like I've really messed it up, but we both need to learn better personal finance. habits. And I think we've started and I feel like I'm preachy toward him, which I don't want to do, but you're right. Like building that muscle is, it's really critical right now for both of us. Yeah.

18:13Shayna:And we just said you feel preachy, which totally understands. Sometimes it just involuntarily becomes a parent-child relationship and we don't mean it to, but it just did. So the best thing that we tell our clients, especially if it's just one spouse coming into the sessions, we say, print out the budget and give it to them and just say, what do you think? And just, and then just stop talking and just let him talk, let him decide, let them be his decisions. Cause y 'all are going to come to the same conclusion because the information's right there. It's black and white on paper, but sometimes it's good to just let him make a decision.

18:44Yeah. Or if, or if there's pushback, it's what would you change or what do you think we should do or do differently or whatever? Just to, just to allow him, like Vanessa said, he'll be the one to say it, not you. And then that will help. Okay. Yeah. So I guess there's a little interim period before things advance early part of the next year. Yeah. That's okay. Thank you. Yeah. You're so welcome. You're welcome, Linda. And feel free to come back or email us if you have any other questions. We definitely want to help you guys as you make this transition. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thanks for coming on, Linda.

19:17Absolutely. So the budget system, I know you always say it's pretty, but it really is pretty. It makes it like just that much easier to look at that stuff and deal with it. Thank you for just thinking about all the details.

19:31Shayna:Yeah, absolutely. And if there's one we missed or anybody listening, we're always upgrading. So just let us know. Yeah. Okay. Great. Thank you. If you're tired of feeling like your finances are all over the place and you're ready for a simple set it and forget it way to budget, we have something special for you. Watch our Automate Your Budget Masterclass at budgetbesties.com forward slash automate. We'll show you step-by-step how to finally organize your money, how to set up your accounts, and put your budget on autopilot so your bills, saving, and spending run like clockwork. Imagine less stress, more savings, and the freedom to spend money without having to track every dollar or babysit your bank account.

20:11Go to budgetbesties.com forward slash automate to start today.