How To Fix The Money Beliefs Sabotaging Your Budget | 525

0:00Shana:All right. We're excited to talk to you today, but we want you to think about and we want you to comment if you're watching and then just think about in your head if you're listening. What is one money belief you grew up hearing all the time?

0:15Vanessa:Yeah. Type it in the comments. We know, like for an example, money doesn't grow on trees, guys. I definitely heard that one. Save every penny. Huh?

0:23Shana:I said I definitely heard that one growing up. Money doesn't grow on trees. Yeah.

0:26Vanessa:Oh, yes. Absolutely. And save every penny.

0:29Shana:do you remember that one yeah i do so yeah so today we're going to so just let us know what what's one that you heard because today vanessa we're talking all about unpacking your money baggage do you make good money but have nothing to show for it are you tired of living paycheck

0:45Vanessa:to paycheck do you have big dreams for your financial future do you want to get debt free

0:50Shana:but you don't want to live on beans and rice or you don't want to give up those pumpkin spice lattes hey it's okay if you don't already know how to budget or if you're

0:58Vanessa:using credit cards to get through the month hey it's okay if you want to seem like you have your finances all together or you're not on the same page with your

1:05Shana:spouse when it comes to finances we know what you're doing probably isn't working

1:09Vanessa:but guess what you're in the right place we're Shana and Vanessa we're best friends business partners and master financial coaches trained by Dave Ramsey we've been in business since 2019 helping hundreds of amazing people like you create budgets, get out of debt, stop living paycheck to paycheck, and know exactly what to do with their money.

1:28Shana:In this podcast, we'll share with you everything we know plus everything we're working on with our clients so that you have the best chance at reaching your financial goals.

1:36Vanessa:We want to help you take the guesswork out of your budget, improve your marriages, and even bring your kids in on the conversation.

1:42Shana:We can help you no matter where you're at, whether you're the single mom who's never had$500 in her savings account or the millionaire who's paid off four real estate mortgages.

1:50Vanessa:And we're not going to shy away from the tough love. We'll tell you what you need to hear and encourage you at the same time. This is the Financial Coaching for Women podcast. Yeah. So what is money baggage? Let's talk about like this define what that even means. It is beliefs, habits, or emotions about money that you've carried with you without sometimes even realizing. Yeah.

2:10Shana:I think that, you know, Vanessa, we talked about this to a live audience last year for the first time kind of. And boy, oh boy, did, did we, we were like, oh, it's not really that big of a deal. And then we, we got back the next day. Everybody actually did the homework that we talked about. And apparently a lot of people had some, had a lot more money baggage than they thought or than we thought too.

2:32Vanessa:Yeah. They, yeah, they were, they actually really enjoyed that, that conversation because I think it did unpack some stuff for them. And I think it was really good for them to just kind of walk through that.

2:42Shana:Yeah. And I mean, personally, I get it because I'm not really one to like dig into my feelings. I don't have time for that. It's kind of my unhealthy coping mechanism, right? But I noticed too, for me, my mom, you know, was a single mom growing up and, you know, she didn't make a lot of money, you know, especially when, when, when she was young, when she had me. And so that kind of eventually sort of translate, we always have what we needed. And I never really felt like we didn't have what, what I wanted or whatever. But I also learned the behavior, like, just don't ask. You don't ask. And then the, cause the answer is going to be no, or just don't ask.

3:17Shana:And I actually figured out that I, that I eventually translated that same thing onto my husband, even though like, you know, Vanessa and you and I have talked about when they actually ever told us no, like really, you have a very cute puppy in your house right now that, you know, they actually really technically don't ever tell us no, but I had translated that feeling and that baggage onto him. That wasn't fair to him because again, he didn't, he didn't hurt it, you know? So, so that was something that I realized that's kind of my little money baggage.

3:42Vanessa:Yeah, no. And I think we all do that unknowingly. And, you know, for, for me, it was when my parents lost their jobs, my dad got fired because they brought in their best friend to come run the business instead of my dad. And then my mom got laid off because their company got purchased and then her position was dissolved. Right. And I remember thinking, I never want to be in that situation or I never want the burden of the finances to be a problem for us. And so paying off my mortgage was the result of that. Right. And, and knowing my parents, you know, I was married with kids before my parents really told us what happened when we were, when we were younger, cause they were business owners.

4:19Vanessa:And, you know, I'm grateful for the protection that they gave us. I'm also very grateful that they had this adult conversation with me in my, in my early twenties, cause it completely changed the trajectory of my family and our finances.

4:29Shana:Yeah. I mean, so really it's, it can come from anywhere, like this money baggage that you have. Some other examples besides our lovely examples are scarcity spending. So, you know, like if you didn't have, we've seen this a lot when we see the money baggage collide, right? Like it's like Vanessa, one of them comes in with like this old like duffel bag and then somebody else is coming up with like this Prada luggage or something. They're coming to, into a marriage together with their different money baggage. But one of them often has some sort of situation where they didn't have a lot of money growing up.

4:58Shana:And so what that means is they actually aren't used to having money. So they end up spending it as soon as they get it. Like it's like a black, like it's a burning hole in their pocket. They spend money as fast as they get it because they're just not used to making money.

5:11Vanessa:Well, and I think the flip side of that is the fear of spending, right? So it's like you grew up hearing we can't afford it. We don't have money. No, no, no, no, no. And so then they never feel comfortable spending money. So then they just hoard it all and they save it all because that's all they know what to do. even when you can't afford to spend, but they just don't know how. Yeah.

5:30Shana:And so you have these two, these are two of the big clashes. Like you have somebody in here who's like, I want to go spend all of my money. And then you have somebody over here who's like, we're spending zero money. And so if you don't do the work to like sort of unpack this and think about this, then that obviously can create a lot of tension, which we know in marriages, there is a lot of tension.

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6:24Shana:If you're new to budgeting, this is the perfect way to jump in. And if you're already a budget nerd like us, you're about to meet your new obsession. This is the upgrade to your finances that you need right now. Yeah.

6:36Vanessa:So head on over to budgetbestc.com forward slash budget and grab yours. Now back to today's show.

6:42Shana:But then there's another thing that we've sort of encountered a lot of, Vanessa, as we've been doing coaching, is cultural or family pressure.

6:50Vanessa:Yeah. I remember working with a client who had a lot of family pressure. He was a lawyer. His parents expected him to live a certain lifestyle. They had certain expectations for his family and his life. And, you know, it was really hard for him to finally wake up and say, absolutely not. This is not how I'm living my life. And I was really proud of him because now he was living his own life and not the life that his family thought he should live.

7:11Shana:Yeah. And then we also have several people that maybe they come into a new relationship or even they're just coming to talk to us and whatever way money was handled in the previous relationship has created some baggage. We'll put it that way. And so maybe they don't want, they don't even know. Maybe they didn't touch the finances. So they have zero understanding. Their money baggage is that I don't know what to do. I'm bad with money. I never dealt with it before. And so I'm obviously going to mess it up. Or sometimes it's they're joining finances and they got burned by somebody and then they are very protective and they don't want to let anybody in when it comes to their money.

7:47Vanessa:I think we see that one a lot, Shana, right? It's when their finances are still separate. And we're like, yeah, but let's show you what you can do if they're together. But they can't because they've been sober in the past. Yeah.

7:59Shana:I was just going to say, yeah, they're just scared to do it. But we really do try to paint the picture of why it would be better. And that's just part of unpacking your baggage. Yeah.

8:07Vanessa:So, and the point here is that your money habits today, they're not random. They're very much rooted in your past, but there is some good news. We promise guys, because you get to decide how you want to continue your story. You can make the decision right now to change that and not move forward with kind of what was holding you back in the past.

8:25Shana:Yeah. And so we just, so how do we unpack it? We just kind of went through a couple of different examples and maybe you started thinking, Ooh, that really sounds like me or Ooh, I'm the opposite of that. That does not sound like me. I don't want that. I don't, I don't have any bit of that. Right. I wish I had more fear of spending, right. I don't have that. I don't have that personally. Just kidding. But so maybe you heard something like that. So what we want you to do is recognize your patterns, recognize your baggage, recognize what's kind of repeating in your brain as, as a wrecking ball and think about what you, what decisions you make with money.

8:55Shana:Is it shaped by fear? Is it shaped by, by like avoidance? Is it shaped by habit? Is it shaped by someone else in your past? Like all those kind of things is what we want to think about.

9:06Vanessa:And an example of this, like think about, do you avoid talking about money because it always leads to, it always led to a fight growing up or does that what you heard in your household? Like how do you and your spouse discuss money? Do you even discuss it? Is it a taboo conversation? It's just being aware. So as you kind of go throughout your day and your week, just think about how do you guys talk about or handle money? Just start recognizing these patterns. Yeah.

9:29Shana:And so then the next step is to talk it out. So talk about it. Or, you know, if for some reason you don't really want to do that yet, you know, you might journal about it. Go just give yourself one page, fill a page with all your thoughts about it, and it will really make you feel a lot better. But either way, you can do that or you can talk to your spouse, your best friend, and see what do I think is going on here? Why do I think? You know, you can keep just that age-old therapy trick is just keep asking why, you know, and you'll get to the bottom of it. And that will really help you to figure it out.

10:00Vanessa:Maybe you've never told your partner, your husband, your spouse, whoever, how your family handled money as a kid, right? So maybe you guys came into a marriage thinking that you guys all think about money the same way. And then this person does this and this person does that, but you never discussed really how y 'all handled money when y 'all were children. And so that is going to fuel and that's, everyone's going to be like, oh, I get why this is how we handle money because this is where you came from. It just allows you guys to have that transparent, honest conversation. Yeah.

10:28Shana:And I think even, again, even if you don't have someone that you really want to talk to about it, I think Vanessa, to your point earlier about it being taboo, you may have never talked about this. Why would you ever talk about or think about really how you dealt with money or your family dealt with money growing up? So it's a wonderful conversation to have. It's a wonderful thing to journal about just to get it out of. Maybe you've never really considered it before, but talking it out will help you, right?

10:51Vanessa:When I was growing up, I never saw my parents fight. Like I never knew how to have an adult discussion of like a disagreement. And then when my husband and I got married, we were very feisty, right? When we were young and we were fighting and I was like, I don't know how to do this. I didn't know. And he came from a family that fought all the time, right? So it was like these two people come in to join in a marriage and not understanding how to deal with each other. So this is the same thing, but except with your finances, it's way worse because it's dealing with your money and that's a lot.