256. The #1 Money Mistake Couples Make (and How to Avoid It!) Tori's Episode of Here Comes the Drama with Christa Innis

22:08Tori Dunlap:So again, you have to have conversations, but you also need to make a financial plan when everything's fine, when nothing is crazy, when you haven't planned anything yet. So you have the foundation that you need to stick to when there's temptation to veer away from the plan. Yes. Oh my gosh, that's such good advice. So I mean, I feel like that kind of covers when we're talking about, you know, managing your expectations. So going into more of like the wedding, I know we're talking about, so don't put on a credit card. Yeah. What would you say to someone that's like, how do I budget for this wedding?

22:41How do I kind of plan for this? And I would tell people too, I'm like, let go of expectations of others. Cause I think a lot of times people want this big, huge wedding with 500 people for other people. They don't think about, what do my partner and I actually want? What's true to us?

22:56Tori Dunlap:Yeah. I think you make a great point where that's what you need to start with is sitting down and having a conversation with your partner. What wedding do we want to have? And it's not what wedding does Aunt Marge want us to have? What wedding does my mom want us to have? It's what wedding do we want to have? Because ultimately, again, it is your day. And I know there's a lot of familial pressure. I know that there's a lot of people, a lot of cooks in that kitchen. but ultimately this wedding is about a marriage. The wedding is one day or for the crazy people, you know, a week, two weeks, right?

23:33Tori Dunlap:But the wedding is the beginning of a marriage. You are in partnership with this other person. You are not in partnership with your mom or your mother-in-law, right? You're not in a marriage with your mother-in-law. You're not in a marriage even with your maid of honor best friend. You are in a partnership and a marriage with your life partner. You need to make decisions and start acting like you're in a marriage when you get married. The wedding is just a day. The marriage is a lifetime. So you need to decide what you actually want with your partner. Now, again, easier said than done when there's a lot of voices.

24:10Tori Dunlap:However, I think getting on the same page without any of that pressure first, and maybe it's journaling separately. Like, what do I actually want? And again, not what have I seen in movies that tells me what I should want? What have I seen other people do that gives me a little bit of envy or jealousy? Like, what do you actually want? Then you need to ask yourself, can I afford what I actually want? Now, sometimes the answer will be, yeah, we can do that. And sometimes the answer will be, no, we'd have to go into a lot of debt to do this. So we have to find a happy medium there. Because a lot of times I want a Ferrari.

24:50Tori Dunlap:I want a seven month stay at the four seasons, but that is not in my budget, right? So there's a lot of things that we can want, but that we can't afford. And again, I cannot emphasize this enough. It is very easy to get in the YOLO state of mind of like, hopefully we only get married once. So like, we're going to go crazy. I do not want this day to be haunting you for years because you could not afford it. Right. So what do I want? Journal about that. Think about that. Come to your partner? What do we want together? And then what can we actually afford? So the best thing to keep in mind is that obviously weddings are going to be very expensive, but you need to determine in the wedding what is really important to you about this.

25:33Tori Dunlap:Is it I want this particular dress and I'm willing to compromise on other things in order to have that? Great. I was actually just thinking about this the other day. My partner and I have been together for three years. I don't think we're getting married anytime soon, but I don't know why I just thought about this. I'm like, what would be important at my wedding. And food is huge for me. And now I've turned my partner into a foodie as well. So I was literally thinking, I was like, when we get married, I think it will probably, like the food is going to be the priority because I want every guest at the wedding to eat really well.

26:02Tori Dunlap:And I want to have like a memorable meal. So, okay, I would be willing to compromise on other things. Maybe that's less crazy flowers or I do my flowers myself and I want good food. So I'm willing to compromise for that. My friend Paula Pant, who's another financial expert, says you can afford almost anything. You just can't afford everything. Love that. And this is all of life, right? It's like, okay, I really want to go see Taylor Swift. And AeroTor tickets are really expensive. So I am willing to not drink as much coffee, or I'm willing to not buy every piece of clothing I want to buy, because I would rather do this other thing.

26:41Tori Dunlap:So that's what you need to ask yourself. It's not deprivation. It's actually strategic. It's, I really want this thing. So I'm going to compromise on this other thing. So I can have this thing. So that becomes then the next conversation of what can we afford? And then where do we want to really spend our money? And then you can kind of determine what the budget should be. And also what you know, yeah, I don't want to compromise on that. But I'm willing to compromise on this so I can have that. Yeah, I love that. And that really ties into one of the biggest lessons I always see you talk about. And that's like not shaming people for the coffee, you know, buying your$4 coffee, whatever it is.

27:17If it's something that you enjoy and it's going to bring you happiness on that day, then do it. And if that's something that's in your budget, but if you're just doing like a really fancy ballroom because your parents got married there and they are really pushing you, maybe let's say goodbye to that and do like a smaller venue. So that's such a great point because I think we get caught up in what everyone else wants.

27:38Tori Dunlap:yeah or it's okay we need to invite your uncle and aunt that you haven't spoken to in 10 years just because they're family and it's like no no it's your wedding you get to do whatever the hell you want to do and i think that once you start setting those boundaries too with family boundaries always feel like aggression for people who have never experienced a boundary so it can just be like no this is our wedding we're gonna do this no but no this is our wedding we're going to do this and would love to see you. But if this makes you uncomfortable, we'll see you just see you at the reception. We'll see you for dinner after like, if they want to uninvite themselves from their behavior.

28:15Tori Dunlap:Great. That's in their control. I think I'm better at boundary setting than the average person. But like, that is the level of boundaries you need to have on a wedding day, because families are insane. Like, you need to 100 % know what you and your partner want. Make sure you two are on the same team, you're on the same page and you're staying committed to what you actually want. Yes. I always say like, if I would have gotten married to my now husband, when we first started dating, it would have been so different because I think I would have been so much more easily like persuaded. And because we were together like almost six years before we got engaged or before we got married.

28:52And so I was early twenties and I feel like so much more easily like, yeah, I should do that. Okay. But also our budget would have been way smaller. So it's like what I've gone into debt. Who knows? And so I feel like now, like by the time we did get married, it was like, we saw all our friends do it. We saw the things we liked and we didn't like. And then we were so much better at being like, this is what we want. We're not going to have a huge wedding. We're going to have, you know, standard amount. If I haven't talked to you in over a year, you're not getting invited. That's just how it was.

29:20Tori Dunlap:Yeah. And at the end of the day, like, if we're just looking at the legality of it, you and this person are signing a financial and legal contract. The wedding is something that from a cultural and societal point, we have now put on this. And again, especially if you're like a person of color, there are certain traditions, right? There are certain cultural experiences. But at the end of the day, like you and this person are signing a legal contract. Everything on top can be whatever the hell you want it to be. We've just in society had a very specific version of what a wedding is. Even white dress, so many people now are wearing red dresses.

30:00Tori Dunlap:They're wearing pantsuits. They're not wearing dresses at all. Right. So there's so many ways that you can make this an authentic celebration of your love and excitement with this person. And it can be whatever you want it to be. It can just be we're getting married at a courthouse and we're going and renting out the back room at a restaurant for the 20 people we want there. That's a wedding. It doesn't have to be a big hoopla if you don't want it to be. Yeah, I love that. Okay. I thought we would jump into a little wedding money rapid fire just to kind of get things going. And then I've got a story that someone sent me and we'll kind of react to that.

30:36So here we go. Okay. All right. I think I know what you're gonna say about this first one. Okay. Set the guest list or set the budget.

30:45Tori Dunlap:Yeah, I think we have to go budget first, but I think it can be a, you can do them at the same time of like, okay, I'm going to have a general budget and then I'm going to have the guest list. And there's going to probably be some people that don't make the cut. And it's your wedding. Yes. Yep. Got it. We always got to keep saying that cash fund or traditional gift registry. Oh, you've given me the perfect opportunity to talk about something that I've been meaning to talk about forever. Oh, my gosh. I love it. Sorry, this is no longer rapid fire. But give me a second. Okay, it's okay. I love it.

31:14Tori Dunlap:So okay. So you know how in let's call it the 50s 50 60s, right? And I'm going to use the heteronormative relationship here. When a man was marrying a woman, especially in, let's call it everything before really the 1970s, it was typically happening either at 18 and the woman was not attending university, or it was happening basically the moment they graduated or even, you know, the semester before they graduated. People were getting married extremely young. So especially women would literally go from their parents' house to their husband's house. That was it, right? So you'd go and you'd live your 18 years with your family and then you'd get married or you'd go to college and then you'd get married.

31:56Tori Dunlap:So you did not have a life that was not living with somebody else. You did not have a life and stuff that you had accumulated. You typically did not live alone, right? This is my Nana. My Nana got married, I think, at 19 and had three kids by like 25. And I think about that now and I'm like, oh, my God. So we live in a society now where people are getting married a lot later. Women have a lot more. Now, the rights are dwindling every day, but a lot more rights, right? Women are getting more college degrees than men are. So in our society, everything's changed. For me, right, I left my parents' house at 18.

32:35Tori Dunlap:I went to college until I was 22. I got my bachelor's degree. And I have lived on my own. I still live on my own. I don't live with my partner. I'm 30 years old. And so I have eight years where I have bought my own blender and bought my own couch and bought my own desk and bought my own silverware. So I think it's changing. But there was this idea, especially like 10 years ago, of it's like tacky to ask for cash. Like, I just want to buy you a toaster. And I'm like, okay, so now though, in a typical relationship, when I get married to my partner. My partner has a toaster and I have a toaster, right?

33:12Tori Dunlap:And maybe we've moved in together and consolidated to one toaster, but we've already had a life where we have purchased a lot of the things that would typically go on a registry. Now, weddings are perfect opportunity to ask for the things that you maybe couldn't afford. Like, okay, I'm going to get the really nice flatware. I'm going to get the really nice pots and pans with a really nice knife. But this whole narrative around, oh, it's tacky to just ask for money. I'm like, it's actually not because the way that weddings happens at a societal level is so different. They happen later in life. Women have an increased education.

33:46Tori Dunlap:People are getting married in a different way. They've typically already moved in together. And so I love a cash fund. That is my long-winded way of saying this. And I think it's so unfair when people are like, why are they asking for cash? That's tacky. No, the way we view weddings has fundamentally changed. I already have a blender. My partner already has a blender. You don't need to buy me a blender as a wedding gift. That is the third blender that I don't need. I've already established my independent life. Yes. Two things that I always see about cash funds anytime I post about it, I either, I should say showers or registries, right?

34:20People, one, can't understand when a bride in a traditional heteronormative relationship would want their groom there, would want a guy there. Like, why are guys there? That's one question I always see. and the other one I always see is I'm not paying for a honeymoon. I'm not paying for this. And I go, what? If you give money at a wedding, you don't have control over what they use it for. They can use it for their lunch tomorrow. They could use it for bedsheets or they could use it for a pina colada on the beach. Why does that matter?

34:49Tori Dunlap:Well, and let's be honest, if you buy me a blender and I already have a blender, I am going to the store, returning the blender and getting the money. Getting the cash. So just give me the money. But it's also like we have all of these sites, I think Zola is one of them, right? That'll say, okay, you can buy the couple dinner on their honeymoon. And like, I love that because it feels like ultimately it's just money, right? But it feels a little bit more like, okay, I am buying this person something. I'm buying them an experience on their honeymoon. I am helping them contribute to their down payment on a house fund.

35:18Tori Dunlap:So that's a nice kind of happy medium of I'm gifting them this experience. Does it go into a big cash fund? Yeah, it does. But I am buying them this experience that they can now do on their honeymoon or after getting married. So I think that, yeah, I just hate the whole like, cash is tacky. I'm like, no, it's not. The entire concept of marriage is so different than it was 50 years ago. Everything's different. So yeah, I just, I hate that whole narrative. Yes. Oh my gosh. I love that. Okay. All right. Back to the rapid fire. Okay. Yeah. Sorry. No, you're good. No, I love it. I love the discourse.

35:52Splurge on honeymoon or save it for a house.

35:54Tori Dunlap:I think it's up to you. It's up to the couple. if buying a home is really important. Great. Again, it's a trade-off, right? I really want a house. So I'm okay doing a less crazy honeymoon. Nope. I really want to travel. I want to have a once-in-a-lifetime travel experience. I'm not interested in buying a house or that doesn't make sense for us or I'd rather rent. Okay, great. Crazy honeymoon it is. Yeah. Love it. Bigger emergency fund before the wedding or after? I mean, if you can do it before, do it before. But this is, again, where we hopefully are saving a separate wedding fund from our emergency fund.

36:28Tori Dunlap:Your emergency fund is truly for emergencies. It is for when shit hits the fan. If you're familiar with my work, you know it's the number one thing I counsel people to do. It's the first financial goal you should be saving for. But that is separate. That is going to be separate from the amount of money you're spending on the wedding. Mm-hmm. All right. I got two more. Pay off debt first or save for the wedding? Depends on the kind of debt. If you're in credit card debt, that is really expensive. and we want to get that paid off before we prioritize saving more aggressively. However, my answer for a lot of things is like, why not both?

37:00Tori Dunlap:If you can do both at the same time, especially if the wedding's getting closer, I don't want you just so focused on paying off your debt that you suddenly have a$50 ,000 wedding that you will have to go back into debt for. So if we can do both, do both. Okay. All right. And last one, split the wedding cost 50-50 or based on income? Oh, I love this one. I think most things, if not all things in a relationship should be split based on your income. I have been very vocal about this. I'm a multimillionaire. I make a lot more money than my partner. My partner makes about$65 ,000 a year. So we are in very different tax brackets.

37:36Tori Dunlap:And everything from a big deal from getting married to just splitting the cost of a trip, we have a conversation and it's never 50-50 because that's not equitable. I'm not looking for equal. I'm looking for equitable. So I make a lot more than he does. It is my responsibility to spend more than he does. Right. It does not make sense to like split our rent 50 50. So maybe it's 70 30 80 20. You guys get to figure that out. But nobody is walking into a marriage with the exact same financial situation as somebody else. The exact same amount of debt, the exact same salary with benefits, the exact same earning potential even.

38:13Tori Dunlap:So that is something definitely that you should chat about with your partner. Yeah, I love that. I learned that from you as well. Like that's how my partner and I've always worked everything because we're like, it doesn't, it's not fair to be completely 50 % if we make different money. So I love that. Hey, drama lovers, big news. My book, Here Comes the Drama, A Ferris and Sloan Story is officially out now. If you've been following their wild wedding saga online, this is the full story packed with messy twists, sharp banter, family chaos, and all the heart you've come to love. And judging by your messages and posts, you're loving it too.

38:47Huge thanks to everyone who's already grabbed a copy early and shared it on social media. Your support means everything. If you haven't read it yet, now is the time. Head to kristaennis.com slash book or click the link in the show notes. It's available in both print and ebook. Grab your copy before the spoilers start showing up in the comment sections because trust me, you'll want to experience every jaw-dropping moment for yourself. Hey, it's Christy from Lululemon. I'm in the office with What's New and the Breezley collection has definitely caught my eye. If you're like me and want to add some lighter, airy pieces to your wardrobe, this is a great place to start.

39:22There's a Breezely tank, shorts, and pants, all in our Swift fabric, which is super lightweight and stretchy. They're flowy staples you can mix and match for a really easy, elevated vibe, whether it's to and from the studio or just for every day. The Breezely collection is in

39:36Tori Dunlap:store now, or you can shop online at lululemon.com. You've heard me talk about Built as the loyalty program that lets you earn points on rent wherever you live. And they just leveled up even more. As of 2026, homeowners can also earn up to 1.25x points on their mortgage payments. This is thanks to Built's three new credit cards, the Palladium card, Obsidian card, and Blue card. All three turn your housing payments, rent, or mortgage into flexible rewards. So you can choose the card that fits your lifestyle without missing out on points and exclusive benefits. Built points can be redeemed atop airlines and hotels, Amazon.com purchases, future rent payments, and more.

40:14Tori Dunlap:Built points have also been ranked by top publications as the industry's most valuable point currency. Your housing payment is already your biggest expense. Make it your most rewarding. Find the card that fits your lifestyle and apply today at joinbuilt.com slash sfpod. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash F-F-Pod. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent terms and limitations apply. Subject to approval and eligibility, built cards are issued by Column and a member FDIC pursuant to license from MasterCard International Incorporated. Okay, let's jump into this week's story submission. So what we do is just I'll just read a story.

40:50We'll kind of stop and react to it and we'll just go with the flow. Okay, this says, we were so excited to have finally chosen our wedding venue and secured our date. Planning could officially begin. We were assigned a venue coordinator and scheduled a meeting with her to go over all the details. The meeting went great. We left feeling confident. But the very next day, we received an email saying our coordinator had accepted a new job and we'd be assigned a new one. Here we go. Oh gosh. We were told not to worry. All the information from our meeting, the venue layout choices, ceremony, and reception were all shared with her.

41:24They would be passed along to this new coordinator. A few weeks later, we received an introduction email from our newly assigned coordinator. She encouraged us to reach out with any questions and scheduled our final meeting with her before the wedding. Naturally, we had several questions, so I emailed her and waited. Weeks went by without a response. I sent a follow-up message, still nothing. I tried calling, no answer. Eventually, I contacted the head coordinator at the venue who informed me that our coordinator was on leave just weeks before our wedding and we would be assigned another new coordinator.

41:56Gosh. Okay. When we finally met the third coordinator, we discovered that the information from our original meeting had been completely mixed up. Even worse, what we originally were told was not correct. It was a total mess. Fast forward to our wedding weekend. Oh my gosh, I can't believe like nothing was figured out before the wedding weekend. Okay. We were hit with a surprise charge from the venue that had never been disclosed and we were not financially prepared. We ended up maxing out our credit cards just to finish paying off the wedding. Oh no! This is a nightmare situation. Okay. If you guys are just listening, can't see the video.

42:35Tori just... Oh, I'm having a full meltdown. Oh gosh. Oh gosh. Here we go. Okay. So they ended up maxing out credit cards just to finish paying off the wedding because we were told the event couldn't proceed until it was fully paid. That's like unheard of. Why would they just all of a sudden say that to them? They didn't offer any payment plans either. That seems very odd. One of the wildest moments was when we were told after paying for a ceiling treatment, wait, what? That we would also need to pay an additional fee to have it installed? Are they building a new building for them? That is interesting.

43:14Tori Dunlap:I mean, a ceiling treatment being like you know tool or ribbon hung from the ceiling that's what in my head ceiling treatment maybe no yeah you know you might be right i think that's it i'm like picturing them building out a whole at first time oh see yeah and at first i was like are they taking like the popcorn off the ceiling or something like yeah like what that is insane so then there's the question what to do feels like they're not only paying for this item they're paying for it to be installed, which you would think that would be included in that price. We told them to remove it from the invoice because we simply couldn't afford to pay for something we thought we had already bought because it was supposed to be included.

43:51At the reception, the coordinator who was supposed to be there never showed up. Oh my gosh. I would be... Okay. This is terrible. The venue staff were rude to my family during setup. I had planned for lawn games during cocktail hour. But when my mom started setting them up, one of the staff members said, why are you setting those up? Don't do that. No one will play them. My poor mom decided it wasn't worth the fight and just didn't set them up, which upset me. The bartenders were rude to the guests and didn't even have enough of what we ordered for our specialty cocktails. The venue only set six chairs at each table instead of eight.

44:27Was this their first venue or first wedding? Like, seems like they don't know what to do, as shown in our seating chart. So guests left without places to sit. People were literally carrying chairs from table to table to sit with their group. Finally, it was time to cut the cake. The cake cutting set by the venue was supposed to provide and was then nowhere to be found. Oh, their cake cutting set. Someone had to run and grab a random knife so they could cut our cake. Despite all the chaos, we absolutely loved our wedding. But wow, it was definitely a wild ride. I love when they're so positive at the end.

45:02Tori Dunlap:I'm good time. Jesus. Oh, like what do you do in that situation? I got it. I'm going to fix this person's entire life. Love it. Okay, here we go. First thing is gather every single piece of documentation you have about everything that went wrong. So everything of like those emails that you never got a response to the document. Okay, there was no cake cutting. There was not enough chairs. There was an additional fee, even though like hopefully you have notes from the original call. Yeah. And hopefully you have a date on those notes. So we're going to go. Yeah, I'm going full like detective FBI here.

45:37Tori Dunlap:OK, so you need full documentation of everything. So that's the first thing. So gather all of that documentation. The second thing you're going to do is you are going to go to the venue and you're going to ask them to make it right. This is their first opportunity. OK, is you're going to gratitude sandwich again. Thank you for doing, you know, find some nice things that they did about. Thank you for taking care of us. I wouldn't say even saying taking care of us because they didn't. Thank you for hosting our special day. We appreciated you did this and this and this. And you're then going to go a full block of an email.

46:07Tori Dunlap:This was not right. This was the expectation set. We felt extremely unsupported. There was additional costs, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is what we expect. You're going to ask for a full refund on the wedding. A full refund. Yes. They're probably going to tell you no. but you're going to ask for a full refund on the wedding. If you get hostility back, you're going to go to your credit card company and you're going to dispute the charge. This is rule number three. So credit cards, one of the best things about credit cards is when used responsibly, they're incredible tools for situations like this.

46:44Tori Dunlap:I spent this money and did not get what I asked for or the expectation. I was charged this amount of money. It's like, okay, I was double charged by this company for no reason, right? You get to dispute the charge. So you're going to call your credit card company. You're going to tell them everything. You're going to be like, I have documentation. I have receipts. I can send them all to you. And you're going to dispute the charge. So the biggest two things is you're going to go back and forth with the venue, right? And you're going to get... It's not even Karen because you're asking for something that's totally understandable.

47:14Tori Dunlap:But you're going to be like, if you don't make this right, I'm not going to be able to recommend this venue. I'm going to be basically forced to leave a poor review. This was not a pleasurable experience. And I need you to make it right. You did not offer me a coordinator. I did not hear from them for weeks. There were additional charges that were not transparent. If you have the contract, right, you hopefully signed a contract with a vendor, go through the contract, see what was in the contract versus what wasn't. And then again, hopefully they refund you at least partially. If you either don't get a refund or just get a partial refund, go dispute it with your credit card.

47:48Tori Dunlap:Hope this helps. Yes. Oh my gosh. Perfect advice. Because that is just, I feel like so many times when I get stories sent from brides. They're just like looking back on it and be like, this sucks and just feel like they have to deal with it. I love it. I will give anybody listening, if something does not go right at your wedding, that was in somebody's control, not the weather, not something crazy, but like in their control, negotiate it. Yeah. Negotiate it every single time. I know somebody who literally got their wedding basically 50 % off. Like the photographer didn't show up on time. So they were like, hey, I want half off the photos.

48:22Tori Dunlap:Like the venue was supposed to have this it didn't they negotiated 25 off of that like there's already an insane upcharge as soon as you put the word wedding on anything and you expected a service that was not completed therefore you should not have to pay the full amount yeah that's just it so if anybody's out there who's like oh but i don't want to be an inconvenience no you spent your hard-earned money and this person went into debt to try to pay for this. So you need to dispute it. You need to have a conversation. Anytime something goes wrong and it's significant enough, it's not like, I don't know, oh, the tablecloths were slightly the wrong color.

49:03Tori Dunlap:No, that's too minuscule. But if something significant goes wrong that impacts your or your guest's experience, negotiate it, negotiate it. I love it. I love it. Because I think most people don't even feel like they have the opportunity to do that. I learned that from you too, is like where you can like call like phone bills or like internet bill, call them, you know, never just completely like accept something without calling and looking into it first. And you made a good point too about when you have meetings like this, whether it's a wedding or anything else, like a big, large sum of money, write things down, record things, have email, because I think a lot of times things happen on the phone.

49:39Tori Dunlap:I had a crazy - This is what I recommend for work too, is like, okay, if I have a conversation with somebody on the phone, I will send them a follow-up email of like, Like, hey, it was so great to talk to you. As a reminder to both of us, here's everything we discussed. Because then I have a timestamp. I have correspondence that they have received it, right? So unless they email back and they're like, no, that's not correct. We assume that we're on the same page. So then you have documentation of all of it. Yeah, I love that. This is a very small side story, but I learned my lesson with this. Recently, we were signing up for self-employment insurance or whatever.

50:10And this guy, I noticed, was only on the phone. and then things didn't go through, but I got like triple charged. And all of a sudden it was like this crazy like scam thing, but I had no emails to show it. I'm like, I swear this is what he said to me. And so now I'm like, okay, I'm never just going on the phone with an insurance guy. I need proof.

50:27Tori Dunlap:Yeah, and again, a lot of these conversations do happen in person or over the phone. So take notes while they're happening in a notebook or on your phone. And then I know it seems tedious and hopefully you won't need them, but you're gonna then email everybody you talk to and be like, hey, thank you so much. You can do this at work. Again, this is at work. This is in your wedding and planning is just going, hey, here's everything we discussed today. If any of this is incorrect, please let me know. So looking forward to seeing you again, meeting with you again. You have to have documentation of it because it really comes in handy for situations like this.

50:58Yes, I love that. Okay, one final thing. People send me their wedding hot takes. So I'm going to read just two of them and just give me your quick opinion on them. I know we probably covered some of these, but this person said, spending the equal amount of a down payment for a house on a wedding is insane. This is a really like controversial thing, I think.

51:19Tori Dunlap:If you can afford it, fine. I think it only gets controversial if you can't afford it. And again, I think some people don't want to be homeowners or they can't be homeowners. So personal finance is personal. That's what I always say at Her First 100K. But if you're going into debt, yeah, absolutely not. Yeah. Last one. Oh, OK. I mean, this is going to be like a personal. But this says real flowers are the biggest waste of money. Go without and get artificial ones as they last. Again, if it's important to you, I think real flowers would be important to me at my wedding because I love them. But I live in Seattle where Pike Place Market is, this is what a lot of people do in Seattle, is they don't get, you know, the florists and the crazy things is they'll go the day before, go down to Pike Place Market, get basically the farm fresh flowers that are there and then have their crafty mom or mother-in-law with them, like put the bouquets together.

52:12Tori Dunlap:Great way to get fresh flowers on a budget. But you can also, I've seen like people do fresh flowers with faux flowers or prioritize, okay, I'm going to have a big bouquet, but my bridesmaids are just going to carry eucalyptus or something like that. That's less expensive. Again, if you can afford it and it's a priority for you, great. It just means you maybe can't have something else that you might want to. Yeah. I was just telling someone one of the prettiest bouquets I saw at a wedding. I was helping with the wedding once, total DIY on a campground. and we pulled wildflowers the day before and threw them on the tables and they looked so beautiful.

52:46So you just got to do what you can work with.

52:48Tori Dunlap:Just keep in mind, I have a good friend who's a florist and she's seen the horror stories of if you have a bunch of beautiful flowers and it's going to be hot at the wedding, yeah, those flowers will wilt like nobody's business. So if you're getting married in the middle of the summer in Italy, just understand that your flowers, your venue is going to have to understand what to do with those flowers so that they don't will, you know, like you just need to have that expectation too. Yeah. Something to definitely think about. Well, thank you so much for coming on. I'm always like learning so much from you.

53:20Like I said, I'm a huge fan of your podcast. I have your book. Thank you. The information, the content you share is just so, so important for women, not only just women, but women to learn. And I just really appreciate your time. Thank you so much for having me. So one last thing, can you just tell everyone where they can find your work, follow you, and then anything exciting that you're working on? Yeah.

53:40Tori Dunlap:So HerFirst100K is where you can find me, HerFirst100K.com or at HerFirst100K. We have over 5 million other financial feminists who would love to come see you. Financial Feminists is the name of my book and podcast. So wherever you're listening right now, you'll find Financial Feminists there too. And we always have a lot of really cool stuff we're working on. I think my favorite thing right now is we launched one of our programs called the 100K Club. And it's basically all of the resources you need to get your first 100K. So for people trying to pay off debt, trying to learn how to spend mindfully, trying to save, we have an incredible community.

54:10Tori Dunlap:We do live events. We do coaching with me. And so, yeah, you can find all the information at herfirst100k.com. Thank you so much for having me on. You can follow Here Comes the Drama wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to grab your free bridal party script at herfirst100k.com slash bride. Thank you, as always, for being here, Financial Feminist. Thank you for supporting feminist media. We'll talk to you soon. Bye. Thank you for listening to Financial Feminist, a Her First 100K podcast. For more information about Financial Feminist, Her First 100K, our guests, and episode show notes, visit FinancialFeministPodcast.com.

54:48Tori Dunlap:If you're confused about your personal finances and you're wondering where to start, go to HerFirst100K.com slash quiz for a free personalized money plan. Financial Feminist is hosted by me, Tori Dunlap. Produced by Kristen Fields and Tamisha Grant. Research by Sarah Shortino Audio and video engineering by Alyssa Midcalf Marketing and operations by Karina Patel And Amanda Lefieux Special thanks to our team at Her First 100K Kaitlyn Sprinkle, Masha Bak-Mikyeva Sasha Bonar, Ray Wong Elizabeth McCumber, Daryl Ann Ingman Shelby Duclos, Megan Walker And Jess Hawks Promotional graphics by Mary Stratton Photography by Sarah Wolfe And theme music by Jonah Cohen Sound A huge thanks to the entire Her First 100K community for supporting our show.