271. Stop Fighting with Your Partner About Money with Andy Hill

21:48We're taking turns taking the kids to their activities and things like that. So these are things that I didn't used to do because she was full on. She was 100 % taking care of all that stuff while I was gone because I needed to be. And so with both of us working three days a week, we're able to both jump in and help this family system run.

22:09Financial Feminist:I know there are listeners out here scrambling to send this to their husbands. They are scrambling to send this episode to their partners. And let this be a great opportunity for you to have this conversation. Because my next question is, there is somebody listening. There are probably many people, many women listening who go, that sounds idyllic. That is not the marriage I'm in right now. And one of the things I think you and Nicole are so great at is communication, even when it's difficult, and then talking about how you communicate. So if somebody finds themselves in an inequitable relationship, how do they start bridging that conversation?

22:50Yeah, I think it needs to start at home. And the problem that at least I've seen with couples is that there's not any time set aside for those conversations. Having these really difficult ones in passing is really bad because it can be heated. It can be like, it can almost come off as accusatory. So if you do that in passing on your way out the door or, hey, you could really help out with this more. I got to talk to you later about it. Bye. Fine. No, no. We need to have set aside time and make it fun. It could be coffee on Saturday morning. It could be dinner. It could be just like, how can we have these types of conversations in a calm manner?

23:29But also coming at it more from the feeling side of things as opposed to accusatory. I feel really taken care of when you participate in getting our kids to soccer practice. I feel like we are in a relationship that feels fair when you make dinner every once in a while. Those could be great conversations to have. Now, will the responses be exactly what you want? Maybe not right away, but this can come with time just like the the gender societal norms that we've had for a couple hundred years have taken a while to start you know degrading down to a way that feels more equitable and fair so two might be these conversations that you have with your spouse and that might be one percent improvements over months or years and but if it's important to you it's good to start them.

24:32Now, if you get that automatic block, I don't even want to talk about that. I'm not interested in that. But it's very important to you. There's nothing wrong with getting a third party to support you in those types of conversations. It doesn't have to be marriage counseling is only for cheating spouses or when this thing's about to end. Marriage counseling can be for that middle ground of like, hey, we just need a little bit of support here in order to build up this marriage and this relationship in a way that makes us both feel like we're being taken care of and we have partners. I think the problem with marriage sometimes is that people think that once they sign that paper, they say, I do, they've done marriage.

25:16It's like, no, man, marriage is a verb. It is constant action and it requires you to continue to work at it and improve at it. Otherwise, it will degrade and it'll be a relationship that neither one of you want to be in 5, 10 years, 15 years down the road. And I know a lot of parents have stayed in relationships or older parents have stayed in it because of religious reasons or just because you're supposed to. And that can be something that maybe some of us have learned watching that, being like, well, I guess I'm supposed to. But you can also work to improve things if they don't feel good. And a third party can really help you to do that.

25:55And I will say from experience, our marriage counselor has been fantastic for us in the beginning i did have that traditional mindset of like going to marriage counseling i feel like a failure but not a month into it i said wow this is the best thing for our relationship i feel like i'm getting a personal trainer for my marriage for my communication for my ability to empathize with my wife so i would highly recommend it if you're having difficulty just having those conversations at home in front of a cup of coffee or something simple.

26:27Financial Feminist:My partner of nearly four years and I see a therapist and it's so, so helpful just to communicate better. We started going because we both were like, we love each other. We're not communicating as effectively as we need to. And we need to bring somebody else in to help with that. So I completely agree. One thing that you said that I want to touch on that was so important is the way you bridge the conversation. You notice what Andy said, everybody, is he said, I feel so great when you do this. Not, you're not doing this. Or even, I feel like shit because you're not doing this. It is instead an invitation and confirmation.

27:08Financial Feminist:And especially if you're a woman married to a man, my own therapist has given me this advice for my partner, where you have to phrase it as like, I love when you do these things. And then he goes, oh, okay, I'm going to do these things more. It feels ridiculous. It feels like you shouldn't have to phrase it that way. But I think that's a great way of broaching these conversations is rather than definitely not accusatory or even I don't feel great because you're not doing this. It's so great to say, I feel so loved or so appreciated when you do this thing. Or I know our kids love when they see you at school pick up, right?

27:47Financial Feminist:Like there's ways to broach this conversation more productively to hopefully get the thing that you want. Yeah. And I'll admit it, Tori. I'm a words of affirmation guy. Me too. And that goes both ways. So if I get some positive affirmations from my wife, I am like a little puppy dog, you know? But on the opposite end, if I get negative words, I am like, I will shut down. I will stop talking. I will walk away. I will disengage. So I am a human, though. I am not a robot. This is how I'm made. And so this is how I like to be loved. And some people like to be loved differently. But it's important to seek out those ways your partner likes to be loved and learn them because it can help to make them feel loved and appreciated.

28:38And that's really hopefully what we're looking for in a relationship.

28:42Financial Feminist:Just the way you're talking about the relationship is so positive where it's two people who take this very seriously, take this responsibility of marriage very seriously. I mean, I know you're not a couples counselor. My answer is always like, leave him. But what if you are having this conversation with somebody who is in denial or is not willing to come to the table with you to talk about either talking about money at the very basic level or talking about something more serious like the distribution of labor? Yeah, I think like we talked about, it's got to start within your house at home with a real attempt to try to get away from the distractions of life that could be, hey, I've got young children and we never have time to talk.

29:33okay, this is super important. Can you get a babysitter? Can you get out of the house? Can you make this a priority? Like a doctor's appointment. Like, hey, I found something on my back and they're not sure it's cancer. I got to make sure that I get to this doctor's appointment. Same thing here. This is very, very important. Make sure you're getting out of the distractions of life and making this a priority. Spend some money at it. Make this a priority. Okay. Let's say you've done that. They're not receptive. They're not even having it. They're not interested, then yes, that third party has to be the next route there.

30:08And I wouldn't sit on that too long because that festers and it almost gets worse. You can get to a point in a relationship where if you let that stuff fester for too long on both sides, that it becomes hard to come back from. So I would hit up that marriage counselor as quick as possible if you're finding that your spouse or your partner is not receptive to those conversations. I would say there's a lot of success that can come from working with a professional that understands how to communicate well in a relationship. I know I had a lot of success. I've had a lot of friends that have gone down that route and had success.

30:42That being said, that's okay if it gets to that point where you've tried you personally making a major effort to communicate and then getting professional help and it still doesn't work out, there's nothing wrong with changing your situation if you need to with regard to your marriage. That is a reality, fortunately or unfortunately, of 40 % to 50 % of marriages out there. Now, if you can honestly pat yourself on the back and say, I went through those first two steps as hard as I could. I gave it my all for my relationship, for my children. Good on you. That's great. And then if you need to move towards separation, divorce, those types of conversations, get professional help there as well.

31:30So you go down the path. Yes, exactly. A lawyer. To ensure that you are doing this in the best financial way possible. Because if there is separation that's happening, it's important for you to have autonomy with your money and feel like you can do this from a confident standpoint. And make sure you're listening to confident female voices throughout that process like Tori.

31:53Financial Feminist:The thing that many people don't understand about money fights is that they're not about money at all. They're rarely about money. You've said that couples are actually talking when they think they're talking about money. They're talking about identity, trust, fear, and the different gender roles. What did those conversations look like in your marriage? And how do we shift from, oh, you overspent in this thing and you bought too many things to actually having a conversation about what the heart of the issue is? Yeah, I'll use our example. There was a big fight that we had in probably like 2018, I would say.

32:35Nicole calls it our volcano fight, where it was just those moments where I was working like crazy in my corporate job and I'd come home and there's a, you know, we had a four-year-old and a two-year-old and I just felt like so starved for, you know, attention from her, you know, attention for myself, just personal self-care time, you know, for that, that I just felt kind of trapped a little bit in that lifestyle. And from her standpoint, I didn't realize this because I wasn't putting my empathy hat on at the time. She felt a similar way. She's working full time as a stay-at-home mom at home. And then when I come home, I'm talking about ways that we could amplify our savings rate and grow our net worth so that I can get out of this thing.

33:24So it felt like not only does she have a deprived existence at home because she doesn't have a lot of outlets, Her husband's now saying things about depriving it even more of the little joys that will help her to feel good in her life. So we are both kind of working from this, I guess, position of deprivation, me from time and her from the resource of money and time too as well. And so it just came to a nasty head. And until we spent some time in marriage counseling, where we actually sat down and listened to the other side and truly empathize without speaking while they were speaking, like listening, you know, that until we got to that point, we didn't actually realize what each other were going through.

34:11And so that time in marriage counseling was about nine months during that period of time. And each of those sessions were fantastic and helped us kind of move towards a life where we could say, well, what would work for both of us? What's a good compromise that would help Andy not feel so trapped with his corporate career? And then Nicole did not feel so trapped at home or feel like she's being deprived because Andy's so interested in saving and investing and growing and finding his way to build his passive income through real estate or whatever the heck I was into at the time. You know what I mean?

34:44I'm sure you've heard this before. So we found a fantastic middle ground that has been working for both of us for a good five years now. And our marriage has never been better. We spend so much quality time together. We go for runs on Mondays. We have morning coffee every morning. It just doesn't feel cramped. It doesn't feel like we're starved for time together or starved for communication. We've opened up these windows of time in our marriage that just feels great. And so when things feel off, we can speak to each other about them immediately. So it doesn't fester. So it doesn't grow and feel like resentment over time.

35:22We've opened up those line of communications. What our counselor taught us, the important thing was just that hour. Just like sit down and be available. So now we've baked that into our lives now. So we're always available for those important conversations.

35:36Financial Feminist:Did I mention to listeners, this is a good episode to share with your partner? This is great.

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37:25Financial Feminist:We were talking before we started recording. We're recording this in mid-December. and there's a video that I've seen go viral about a woman who is a stay-at-home parent who whose husband has is interested in divorcing and the realization that she's having now where the credit cards are in his name the deed to the house is in his name like if he cuts her off which she has said in the video like he's taking the credit card back like she has no access to money not even the savings not even the investments but like how am I going to go buy groceries so there's so much to be said about that situation but how can somebody who is a stay-at-home parent protect themselves financially if they are not the compensated partner yeah I feel for that woman in her situation and as far as advice for her I don't have a lot I I would say a lawyer up immediately, get some support as quickly as possible.

38:28And I'm sure there's a lot of the DMs that are flying her way.

38:31Financial Feminist:It's kind of financial abuse as well, because like she has done uncompensated work for this whole time. And now it's like, well, you're having no access to money. It's like, yes, did she go and actually make the money? No, but she took care of kids so he could go work. She, you know, was the chauffeur and the cook and everything else at home that he would have had to pay money for. So that is a conversation where, you know, unfortunately, financial abuse is very common. Yeah, in that situation, I have so much empathy and care for her. How do we prevent that from happening for people? Absolutely.

39:05Well, I would say many things. From the financial side of things, it is always good to have some of your own money. So even in a relationship that is, you know, you're sharing everything and you say everything is ours. I think that's fantastic. And most of it should be ours, but really some of it should be yours. for situations that require emergencies, something with your name on it is a very good thing. I've seen this more and more in divorces for women in our area, you know, that feel like they don't have access to money for very important things like, hey, my husband and I are separating and I need to get out of here because it's mentally abusive, but they don't have access to that money.

39:52So I would say it's important to adhere to, which is maybe a more modern look at marriage of a yours, mine, and ours kind of distribution towards money. And I would say still, if you have a good relationship with your husband or your good relationship with your partner, yeah, the bulk of it really should still be ours because you're moving towards a life that you want to have together. Putting up too much of a defense or a blockage with regard to your money can lead to some resentment too. So the real key outside of how you're distributing that money is those open lines of communication. If this husband is gone all the time because he's building an empire and then the mom is at home, you know, growing the empire of their family, like it just feels so separate that the communication is probably highly lacking.

40:47It's like, hey, we both went into these roles and I'll see you in 20 years, maybe. You know, like, what can you do to open up those lines of communication and feel like you have the ability to speak to your partner about openness and transparency with regard to the finances and making sure you feel like there is some fairness and equity in the relationship? Does everything need to be split 50%, 50 % between two different accounts? I don't think so. I think having some openness and transparency with regard to where the money is, what the passwords are, where things are, both people should have access to all of the accounts.

41:23That's a very important thing to do. And if you find that you bring this up to your spouse and there's some caginess or like, well, you don't need to worry about that. Oh, that could be a red flag because the answer should be, of course, this is ours together. What's mine is yours and what yours is mine. Like that's what a marriage is. That's what a relationship is. And if you're not feeling like you're getting that transparency, make sure you speak about that immediately and defend yourself. because if this is the type of relationship that you want and that you desire, speak up and make sure it's heard.

41:56And again, if that gets blocked or if that is like, now you don't need to worry about that, I'll take care of all that. You don't worry your pretty little head about it. Bring that to a third party to help you with those communications. There's financial therapists even. There's like marriage counselors, but there's specific people who help around financial therapy. And I would highly recommend doing that if that's the case.

42:17Financial Feminist:Yeah. I would also think about looking into spousal IRAs So those exist. So if you are the non-compensated partner, some of the compensated partner's contributions can go towards protecting your retirement because typically an IRA, you have to be earning an income in order to contribute to that. That's your kind of way around it. we've talked about prenups a lot on this show if you are thinking about getting married fun fact you have a prenup in every state in the united states you just didn't decide it because it's just whatever the state's laws are you can also look into postnups if you're already married my partner and i we talked about prenups three months in we are if we get married we are getting one and it's because we have to think about not splitting things just down the middle which is what Washington State does.

43:04Financial Feminist:And also, I think the common narrative is like, oh, prenups are just for people with a lot of money. And it's like, no, if you bring debt into a relationship, if I have friends, especially women friends who got married, started a business that's now a multi-million dollar business, they get divorced, their partner who didn't really contribute to that business at all, like they didn't have children, is now getting a cut of that business. So there are assets that you might acquire later or debts that you might bring into a relationship. These all need to be decided on. And to your point, Andy, about discussions, I think getting a prenup forces you to have these conversations so that statistically, you're actually never going to have to use it.

43:44Financial Feminist:Like having these conversations going through, yeah, what happens with our assets? What do we want to protect for each partner? Those are the kind of conversations that show you, Yeah, we're probably going to be able to weather whatever storm comes our way because we're willing to be uncomfortable in these conversations. I love that. Yeah, prenup is kind of just like getting term life insurance. Nobody wants to think about them dying, but you know what? We're all going to die at one point. So you might as well start planning for it. And yes, with 40 to 50 % of marriages ending in divorce, it's good to have some plan if it does go down that route.

44:23And sometimes if you prepare and protect yourself, that could be even more power in your relationship to say, man, we're probably not going to be one of those statistics because we prepared so well and we know each other so well.

44:35Financial Feminist:Right. And I will say, nobody thinks it's going to happen to them. You don't hopefully go into a marriage going, yeah, we're going to divorce. Right? Nobody truly thinks it's going to be them. Yet, I imagine you get similar emails. We get dozens and dozens of messages every single week from women who are either the most dramatic version is, yep, I'm being financially abused. I can't access my money. Something's happening. Or just, I love this person, but this relationship isn't working anymore. And that's the reality for so many people. And just like you wouldn't enter into a business relationship without a contract, marriage is a financial agreement.

45:16Financial Feminist:It's hopefully an agreement of love, but it's also a financial agreement. Yeah, I think that the Disney movies, as we were growing up, maybe tainted our views a little bit of romance and relationships. But yeah, that's the reality of it, for sure. What is one expense that your family cut that saved you a ton of money but didn't change your happiness at all? Ooh, I like that. Well, I'll go big first. I'll say we decided to become mortgage-free about nine years ago. And by paying off our mortgage, we have dramatically lowered our expenses. And it doesn't require us to work as much because we do not have to pay the largest payment we'll ever make on our annual budget.

46:01But small things, you know, I think just analyzing our expenses and realizing that insurance can be quite an expensive thing if you don't look at it every once in a while. Maybe looking at high deductible plans, you could be saving thousands of dollars a year just by maybe even a weekend of looking at some things. And that's definitely saved us a lot over. So I would say the mortgage is like, okay, that's a big one that's going to take a long time. that even is controversial if it's a low-interest mortgage. And then the insurance thing, man, we just have to do that every couple of years in order to fight back these big companies that we see a million commercials from in order to take more of our money.

46:41So yeah, I would say those are two that really have made a big impact in our lives.

46:46Financial Feminist:On previous episodes that you've been on, we've talked about the Financial Independence Retire Early movement. I highly recommend going back and listening to those episodes with Andy because I think they're so helpful and important. For those unfamiliar, financial independence, retire early. It's basically this idea of getting yourself either to financial independence, meaning that you don't have to work, work is now optional, or the full version, which is, yep, I'm retiring or I'm rethinking the way I'm working. So you hit coast fire in your 30s, which means if you never contributed again, you'd have enough money to retire.

47:17Financial Feminist:And when we think about fire for the average person, especially for a family, especially in the early days, you and I know we read all the blogs, We were talking to all the people. It was like extreme deprivation, extreme frugality, or it was like a white guy being able to sell his tech company for millions of dollars at 42. So how do you actually explain tactically what FIRE can mean for a normal family? Yeah. Yeah. You're so right. And I think you broke it down pretty well. I think the idea of FIRE financial independence is so romantic. Like, oh my gosh, if I just work real hard, save and invest 50 % or more for a shorter period of time, call it 15 years, I can have the choice to do nothing for the next portion of my life, call it the next 40, 50 years.

48:11That sounds really cool. I tried it in practice with a wife and kids, and man, did it cause some division in my marriage. And it actually was not what I was seeking at all in the end. So I tried it. It's a little too intense. I would say you broke it down pretty well. Unless you have a multi-multi six-figure salary and you live in a low-cost-of-living place, it's very difficult for the vast majority of people. Now, we did make good money. We made close to like$180 ,000 per year for a 10-year period of time, which was great living in Michigan. Even trying to save 40 % to 50 % of that felt like a difficult ride for both Nicole and I.

49:00And trying to amass enough money to buy our first rental property in cash and all these ideas that I had caused more division in our relationship than freedom or whatever, independence, whatever word you want to use to make you feel like you're moving in that direction. And actually, I realized throughout this whole process is that I enjoy working. I enjoy working, doing work that makes me feel good, where I am contributing and helping people. So my goal now is really never to stop doing some sort of contributory work where I feel like I'm benefiting and helping society in some way, but I would like to do it a lot less than 40, 50, 60 hours a week that requires me to get on a commute and things like that.

49:46It's like, how can I do some work for 20 to 25 hours a week, maybe, and then get back to living my life? So this middle ground of Coast Fire, which as you said, is, hey, you do build up those investments to a period, to a point in time, which is more palatable for the majority of people. And then if you look at those compound interest calculators and say, wow, with time and compound interest, this thing's going to take me to$2 million by the time I'm 60, 65 without any further contributions. And so that became a big epiphany moment for us to say, well, if we didn't need to save and invest so much, what could we do with this extra money?

50:27And the next question popped up. It's like, well, if we don't need that extra money, do we need to even work as much? And so those big moments were epiphany moments for us. We'd look at each other and we'd say, well, what if we just have you go down to part-time and see how we can live on that? Okay, cool. This works. Maybe I can try to explore that in the next couple of years and see how that works. Wow. We're freeing up a lot more time. Now with this more time, what are we doing with it that helps us to live that life that we've always wanted or this ideal of retirement when we get there to say, here's my best life.

51:01It's like, well, let's start practicing what that best life might look like now so that we feel excited about our every day.

51:09Financial Feminist:Andy, one of the things that I always think about when I talk to you is that you have such strength and flexibility. I think one of your biggest strengths is, I'm going to try it. And if it doesn't work out, I'll find a solution that does. And to everybody listening, that's such a good skill because we get into a job or we get into a situation and we're like, okay, again, this is all there is. And if I take a risk, and I'm putting that in air quotes, like even the thing that feels a very tiny risk, what if it doesn't work out? My whole life's going to blow up. And it's like, statistically, no.

51:53Financial Feminist:There's very few things that will actually ruin your entire life. And what I love is that you're saying, okay, we're going to try this thing, and I'm going to learn, because you can only learn if it works for you by actually trying it. You can't fantasize your way there. And so I just want everybody listening to hear what Andy's saying of, I tried this thing. We did it for a year or two. It didn't work. We did something else. We tried that. There was something that worked, something that didn't. I just love that even in pursuit of goals, and you're so disciplined, you have decided at various points in your life, you know what, this isn't working for me anymore.

52:31Financial Feminist:And rather than blowing up your life or rather than just staying the course even though you knew it wasn't working, it's such a strength to be able to say, yep, it's not working and I'm going to pivot and find something else that does. absolutely but i would say as you preach on your show quite a bit tori it does help to have financial confidence going into these big moments where you make these big changes yeah and having like 12 6 to 12 months of expenses in the bank or something like that before you make any sort of big change career wise is always a really smart move to liquid not like invested like available outside of an emergency fund that says, here's my FU money fund that says, hey, even if I completely mess this thing up, I've got some money to hold me over to make sure that I can course correct if need be.

53:20Because as you've just said, pivoting is the name of the game, being able to pivot and say, hey, this works now, this doesn't work. But having the financial strength to do that, because once you have that money in the bank, you get your shoulders back and you're feeling confident. You're like, yeah, you know what? I can do this because I have my big bank account behind me holding me back and making sure I can punch down in the bullies along the way. So it's important to do that from a position of financial strength.

53:46Financial Feminist:Yeah. When we talk about time freedom, financial independence, all of these things, I think you are right that most of this is... Quitting your job to go live on a beach at 40 is not the reality in our current economy or really in any economy. You had mentioned finding a version of that, whether that is, yeah, being able to have a job where you can be at school pickup every day, or thinking about pursuing a business that gives you 20 hours of your week back. What are ways that people can think about seeking that time freedom or building their life around time freedom that will still be accessible to them?

54:33Well, I would say if you're going to pursue a life of part-time work, I think it's a combination of dreaming about what that life looks like, intentionally writing it down so that you know what you're moving toward. So you are excited about all the steps that are about to follow because that's the hard part. The fun part is dreaming and deciding what you want that life to look like. And once you get all excited about it, share it with your spouse because you're going to ask your spouse the exact same question, your partner, the exact same questions and say, what would a dream life look like? What does five to 10 years look like?

55:11What's the best life you could design? If you could be traveling at this portion of your life or working or what kind of work would you want to do? Those questions are a lot of fun. And then once you find out that information from your partner, then you have your combined goals together. And then you're inspired to move forward. Because then from there, it's a lot of financial work. It's you looking at the numbers, seeing what's coming in and where it's going. Oh, I see that we're spending a lot on this, but that doesn't really align with our dream vision and our goals. Maybe we need to cut that out or reduce that a bit.

55:45Hey, I see that we're spending so much on this. Does this help us move in this direction? Well, I guess it doesn't. And of course, you can only cut so much. I don't want to go down that extreme frugality route either. earning more money is really a big key to hitting these big financial goals. You know that as an entrepreneur yourself, if you're able to make more where you're currently working, it's always easy to get paid more where people are currently already paying you, whether that's an existing client or your employer, because you're already in the system. They know that you know how to do the work.

56:18It's like, okay, can I earn more commissions here? Can I get bonuses? Can I get a salary increase? Do I have what it takes to deserve that salary increase? Those types of conversations should be and can be thought about. And if you are thinking about starting a small business in the future, testing out your idea beforehand is so important before you make any leap. Because for a couple of reasons, you're going to find out if you even like that side hustle or that big business idea. And the second most important thing is you're going to find out if people will actually pay you to do that thing. It's so important to receive money from somebody based on your business idea before you leap and say, hey, I'm going to go do this full time.

57:01I would highly recommend anybody get paid to do the thing before you say, I'm going to go do it as my full time business. And then lastly, make sure you've got some money set aside to protect you so that you are ready to move in that direction. So yes, dream. Look at those numbers. Make sure you're actually aligning with your values and goals with the money. And then make sure you're preparing for that leap by testing out your business, making sure you're getting paid for it, and having money on the side to just protect you and your family if things go astray.

57:34Financial Feminist:For families in our community who are exhausted, drowning in responsibilities, or just feeling stuck in the job they currently have, what is the very first step they can take toward a life that feels more free? Well, I would say know that you're not alone. There's a lot of people out there that are feeling the exact same way. So you can breathe that in for a moment and realize that that is the norm for most people. but the second thing you can breathe in is that just because it's the norm for a lot of people out there doesn't mean that it needs to be your norm you can change you are powerful you are strong you have the ability to create the life you've always wanted and it is all based on your ability to control your money as well as control your time look at both your budget as your money calculator as well as your calendar for your time calculator to say, how am I using my money and how am I using my time that will help me move towards a life that I'm actually interested in living?

58:40And don't feel bad if this takes you a while. This journey that I'm talking about with Tori today took us about 15 years. And so what is one thing that you can do this year to move in that direction of a life you've always wanted. Maybe it's just carving out more time for conversations with your partner so that you can talk and dream about this better life. That would be a huge win for this year of 2026, right? That would be a huge win. Hey, I've spent more time dreaming and having a good time with my spouse. That could actually solve a lot of the problems. You're actually playing more and acting like a kid a little bit more with your spouse.

59:20That's sometimes where we feel like the joy is lost. So give yourself some grace. Realize that a lot of people are in this situation. Realize that you are in control to make change if you want to. And then just make small incremental steps to move in that direction.

59:38Financial Feminist:Andy, you're one of my favorite people to talk to. I just love sending people your resources. And you have a new book out, which I'm so thrilled to read. Plug away, my friend. Tell me where we can find it. I love talking to you and I'm so honored to be a multi-time guest here with Financial Feminist, which is so cool. The book is called Own Your Time. It is set up in a way where it's 10 financial steps to help families put family first and escape the corporate grind. And it is available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble. I think today is still pre-order day. So if you want to help me with my pre-order goal, that's great.

1:00:14And then tomorrow it's available for release on January 21st. So yes, Own Your Time by Andy Hill.

1:00:20Financial Feminist:If you are a parent, if you are married, this is a necessary read. And I am so excited to recommend it to all of the parents in my life. And I just always love when you come back on the show. So thanks for being here. Thank you, Tori. Your name is in the jacket on the inside with an endorsement. So thank you so much for your endorsement and your time today. Absolutely. Thank you for listening to Financial Feminist, produced by Her First 100K. If you love the show and want to keep supporting feminist media, please subscribe or follow us on your preferred podcasting platform or on YouTube. Your support helps us continue to bring this content to you for free.

1:00:54Financial Feminist:If you're looking for resources, tools, and education, including all of the resources mentioned in this episode, head to herfirst100k.com slash sspod.

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