Behind Biden/Fauci Impressions + Star Search & Oasis Frenzy

0:00All right, back to school starts now. Get long lasting battery life on the Dell XPS laptop powered by Series 3 Intel Core. So you can work from anywhere. Now starting at$699 with exclusive student pricing starting at$599. And it's lightweight, portable and packed with enough processing power to make multitasking a breeze.

0:22Dana Carvey:So say goodbye to distractions and hello to more free time because you finished your work faster. Complete your setup with savings on select monitors and more must-have electronics and accessories. Limited-time deals and free shipping on PCs and more await you at dell.com slash deals. That's dell.com slash deals.

0:48Look at my open buttons.

0:50Dana Carvey:Oh, you're going low now. Kind of like Trini Lopez over here, circa 1968. 168. All right. Dancing with the former stars. Can we get some actual stars on there? We'll throw the show off its axis. What was the Ed McMahon show? Star Search. I auditioned for Star Search. I auditioned at a mall in Arizona. Paradise Island Mall. Okay. Guess what? Bombed. Were you at the Buster Brown shoe store? Where were you in the mall? Was they set up a little thing in the atrium near the food court? It was pretty good. Why don't you wait in Chess King? We'll be with you in a moment. What's funny about a comedian?

1:37Dana Carvey:The holding area was Hickory Farms. It hits the punchline and then freezes. Okay, so there you were next to Dockers. You got to lean in. Pre-Sketchers. Pre-Sketchers. I kind of find... Shopping malls, if they're empty and they're kind of nice, I find them sort of calming. It's like going inside a spaceship. It could take off. You could just live in there. The little music. When they're empty, very calming. I go there sometimes to get my steps down, ladies. Are you into the steps and the ladies are not standing up? They're like, what? A guy that counts the steps? What? Can I tell you something about the step myth?

2:23Yeah. Don't ruin it for me, but go ahead.

2:25Dana Carvey:Well, like I always say, people say, I take a statin, I get side effects. What's your dosage? Maximum. Hey, dosage matters. Why don't you lower it? I'll tell my doctor. Do you have any side effects anymore? No. Cholesterol still low? Yes. Yes. So the same things with the 10 ,000 feet or 10 ,000 steps, it's fine. Do it if you can, but a little bit of intensity goes a long way. You do less steps, but you find a little hill, you get out of breath. It's all in my book. This has been a medical moment with Dana Carver. You're funny. You're really funny. I like to educate as well and then be funny. You are brains and funny.

3:17I am just. Now, when I auditioned for Star Search at the mall, it was back in the day and you did two minutes. Two minutes. It's funny. Dennis Miller had a joke, our boy Dennis Miller. He said they used to have musical acts on Star Search. he goes it was always funny to watch ed mcmahon go ladies and gentlemen kayak

3:47Dana Carvey:yeah hold on a second i'm gonna close the curtains because it's getting too bright we keep this for real yeah because the sun the sun came out and i don't want to be so bright that you know oh i can't see shit i'll tell everyone about my headache um when it's too bright here you always wonder why dana's really bright and i'm not too much light gives me a Headache is my fucking neck. So here I am. I have a ring light, which I caved into so I could look better. And it's a fucking headache machine. And we're back. Oh, this idiot. Oh, fuck. Okay. There. That was kayak. That was kayak. Ladies and gentlemen, toe fungus.

4:30He has a funny bit, too, where he says he went on Star Search. Yes. with his fucking unreal act. Yeah. He goes, great. He does one joke where he goes, uh, Ronald Reagan will be 77 at the end of his next term. And he has access to the button. You know, folks, my grandpa's 77. We don't let him use the remote control on the TV set. And then he goes, he gets two stars. And then Sinbad comes out and goes, you ever have underpants so old? It's just, you're wearing a rubber band right anyways. Then it was, oh my God,

5:04Dana Carvey:four stars and he lost i know he's a force of nature but i remember booty booty so big be dragging in the sand and i remember that with people you'd see with feet and tongues in the audience can't hit hard hands hard enough together but he was sinbad's a force that's funny he had his stage presence and everything he always killed i did a corporate with him and he blew me away he killed everyone looked at me and goes bring that fucking other guy back they go sinbad's gonna open you're gonna go open for me and then i could not follow it no he's a powerhouse i mean you know i had once i was playing some theater and the stagehand i think we talked about this years ago but uh he says right before i go out you know sinbad got like four standing ovations his first 10 minutes was all about the city and the town and the park and the football team.

6:01Dana Carvey:So I had to kind of erase all my local references. Oh yeah. He gets there six weeks ahead and does all the recon. Yeah. Well, he was a pro is a pro. Let's have him on. Wait, one more thing about, about star search. Here's trivia. So I'm desperately thirsty to get stars or just get anything happening. Oh yeah. It's a television show. Out in LA. Now they've seen me at the improv. Now I'm auditioning for everything. Joan Rivers had a show I think I told you this Can we talk? Oh my god Liz Taylor dog So Elizabeth Taylor she said was a dog Remember when Louis C.K. Had an episode With Joan Rivers where suddenly His character of Louis lurched it And tried to make out with Joan Rivers Because he was so turned on By her comedy Oh that's great let's ask him about it when he comes on he's coming on yeah yeah that was really really funny comedy can make people sexy Instagram yeah please hopefully I have a couple jokes when I follow Louis I want to ask him about that are great also so Star Search I go into Gervitz's office back then we had Gervitz you like money hey handsome what are you doing in the office oh somebody's lost who's funny than you who's funny than you I have a shirt I have a shirt just like that except mine's expensive I do shit like that Then my dad got a job Don't open your shirt Your heart will fall out I'm out of jokes He goes where were you last night I go I did a charity at that company store Don't open your shirt Your heart will fall out He said that one to me maybe Oh that's about being a good guy A do-gooder Your heart will fall out Yeah don't open your shirt Why would the heart fall out Like it's bursting on your chest It's so big I don't know It's like a very it's like a manager's joke.

7:55Dana Carvey:It's like, it's a rhythm joke in there somewhere, but it wouldn't be that. It just sounds like a joke. If you dissect. you did a charity event. Oh, okay. Let's see. How, how, how many hours a day do you spend virtual signaling or something? You come on, you're the writer. Oh, the other one I said, I said, Oh, I, you know me, I have great guy syndrome. And now he says it back to me. I'm working on Memorial day. Yep. I got great guy syndrome. I go, don't take my own joke back to me. I want to make sure my camera's not. Oh boy, we got a real tech situation. I think it's great that people understand that.

8:33People like that. We're not just walking through.

8:35Dana Carvey:I think it was a little blurry. I think it had some dust on it. We're getting our hands dirty. I don't know what happened to my hair. I tried to copy you and it's a disaster. Your hair's getting some dust on it. Hmm. You know, I don't color my hair and people are accusing me going, hey, let it go, dude. I go, you think I picked this? Let it go. You've got some silver in there. It looks good today, but I do have some silvery. I call it blonde and people go, you mean the gray part? I go, what? Huh? They go, oh, you didn't know? That's not blonde. Hey, I'll just say this. Anyone can do whatever they want.

9:12Dana Carvey:Do we want Mick Jagger to come out with white hair? Question. No. It's funny. You see a lot of these old bands on the road and they all have pitch white hair. And I prefer they look like they did in this. So one time you're for it. Plastic surgery, darkening hair. Just darkening the hair is a good trick. It takes 20 years off. Yeah. I mean, Jagger, he stayed 120 pounds his entire life. He works out like crazy. I know from inside sources, that is his hair. He has a crazy head of thick hair. And so when you're watching him, and if they don't go like this, If it's head to toe, it's Mick Jagger, man.

9:56Dana Carvey:I mean, it's enough of... He has a character-y face, which I think people appreciate down the line, where I think girls can handle a guy with a lot of character on their face, which means a lot of bumps, bruises, wrinkles. Well, experience. I mean, women... I read this recently, and this is not to offend women. This was a generalization by a woman psychotherapist. Women are attracted to kindness, funniness, and access to resources. So Mick Jagger, he's kind. I don't know. He's smart. And he has access to resources. He has a garden hose. I've got a castle in Spain. That's a bigger resource than just stuff in your doomsday prepper closet.

10:51Dana Carvey:Yeah, I know where I'll go when the apocalypse comes Yeah, where are you going? To my pantry? Meet me in one of my pantries We should have a plan That's 700 feet below the ground where you are right now Whoops, I shouldn't have said that Actually, I'm in the basement It is a bunkery We're in the basement That's the place to be when the radioactive cloud starts climbing up Laurel Canyon, okay? Yeah The big one went off One of my Glico One of my Skishi The Skishi You know The Finnish guy Who invented Slalom skein Circa 1932 So I go into Gervitz's office And I say Our manager I auditioned last night For Joan Rivers show At the improv And he said Because he She was so big on Johnny Carson, for those of you who don't know.

11:51Such a fabulous guest host. So we're talking the 90s.

11:54Dana Carvey:Yeah. Yeah. I was young comic. I was probably 23. She spun off and did her own talk show, which was against Johnny, and he did not like it, never talked to her again, right? Well, I heard her side of the story publicly, and I said, it's a human story. So she starts substituting for Johnny. and maybe and johnny had a lot of time off but she would either do mondays sometimes a week and so she was a shiny new object she was at the peak of her can we talk you know so she was great and killing and then johnny would come in that so then she without telling johnny i went to fox goes to fox signs the contract is going to fox is going to appear as a talk show up against johnny Now what good manners would have been You know Johnny I'm thinking of making this move You know you just People don't want to be surprised I don't know if he would have said yes or no But he kind of earthed her He was blindsided He ran away And it's Fox's like signature show Like they're newer They need a show Yeah this is a big deal that they're going into late night television I think she was 11 to 12 Overlap with Johnny and Johnny Carson But Johnny Johnny I got blacklisted so Johnny was he would draw a line sure you know sure so here's Joan does her show it comes out all right you know it's a big show because it's so much initially yeah so she has um she has to have guest hosts so she has Arsenio okay who eventually did so well and he spun off yeah so when i get joners gervitz goes you got joners show i go oh i did so i'm pumped and i go oh my god i have to six minutes on joners i'm so scared and he said by the way also star star search called they want you but we don't want that we want and i was like wait this is the same minute i hear and i'm like i've been chasing star search for about three years i go we don't want that no no handsome you got i'm sorry did i stutter we got joan rivers which is a bigger deal that's network tv not star search some syndicated dog shit i'm like uh okay he goes just be happy about joan rivers don't want too much so i said okay so i say no to casually star search which i really wanted I go to Joan Rivers, our senior is the host.

14:31I do my set. It does pretty well. Two days later, they call. Hey, they want you to guest host for Joan. I go, well, me? I barely do stand-up.

14:45Dana Carvey:Can I ask you a question in this storyline? In this lie. It's truthy. Where is your Carson appearance in this? Before, after, during what? Because you went on Carson. i think it's after because okay because then you're a joe rivers person if you host it maybe get persona non grata it wasn't that i wasn't even that smart i was like oh i couldn't imagine hosting i said oh no and he's like you don't want to host i go no i barely i'd never been on a stage for so i went out to stand up and as i said with carson all you're doing is going oh my god the floor is so shiny oh there's that little star i'm supposed to step on i look and see the crowd i've never seen it this way i've only seen it this way and i'm like there's arsenio fuck oh wait i do my act now what is my act it's just too much going through your head and i'm like oh i'm supposed to sit over there do a monologue i already did my good jokes do this didn't know i'd have writers uh interview people i don't i'm 23 they just were like shiny shiny new guy did a good set let's throw them in there so i say no and then i go to play cartoons i think we talked about this and then and in utah oh cartoons the comedy club yeah i'm getting 600 we were just laughing about this is someone i don't know who was uh one of our guests and uh and they said hey uh barry diller and garth and seer want to meet you from fox they were the new heads of fox and i was like why and And they go, just go meet them.

16:24I don't know. So they said, we, I go in there, I go, what's up guys? Blow it up. What do we got going here? What's this meeting about? I don't have lots of time. And they said, why would you turn it down? And I said, oh, I wasn't ready.

16:43Dana Carvey:A meeting about you turning down a guest hosting gig? We can't believe you would turn that down. You're 23. three grooming you they said we like that you turn it down what do you want to do here at fox we want you to be michael j fox over here and i'm like did you do michael j fox in your act at that point hey sarge no they just were saying literally um the you know abc or whoever had family ties and they're like let's find something for you over here so that was just a great meeting off of just me not being dumb enough to host. You got police academy meetings. When I was 23, I was still waitering.

17:27Dana Carvey:I put down my apron the following year, but I'd have an apron on at the holiday and I'd say the buffet comes with the meal. We had a cook who was horrible and there'd be carrots or corn on the plate and there'd be gravy all over it. I had to bring these disgusting plates to people and pretended it was a big thing. My normal tip was a buck. And you - My normal tip was a buck. And you were having meetings, being in movies. You're right out of high school. I'm only saying it out of envy. Congratulations. I like the people like, you know, I actually worked at Fox. You were asking where the glory hole was because you were supposed to take care of some things.

18:04I'm like, well, it's sort of casting cow. No, it was a nice meeting. And then nothing really came of it. But that's a long story.

18:15Dana Carvey:Do you have a message right now for anyone, any young person listening who aspires to a career like you have or a career in show business? What's the takeaway? What can you tell the young people? I think what I say is what you probably say, what anyone says when people go casually on Instagram or my friend's kid says, I want to be an actor or a comedian. How do I do it? Go. Right. ideally in under 30 minutes. But I think the real answer is there's no answer other than just try to do it, commit yourself, and if you're any good, someone will find you. I always tell people the same thing. I say it's a topsy-turvy, it's an emotionally violent thing to do.

19:03Dana Carvey:Only thing you can control in show business is trying to get better at what you do. So I'd say go to open mics, wherever you can find them, record your act sit with the notes and correct anything that doesn't seem clear anything that's not funny i've seen open micers who have an act that doesn't really work happen to see them two years later not one word changed yeah so you just have to get better and then see how good you can get and then see what happens but try not to be disappointed when people are killing before you after you also pay attention to yourself nobody yeah you have to just worry about this i remember when i told you that remember when i played the improv and finished and you were there and you gee gee mr carvey i was wondering i gave you a southern accent and a stutter yeah good good good all right so should we do my thing i guess i'm going to show a couple clips because this is sort of people are sometimes asking me how I come up with stuff and my thinking about how I do stuff.

20:13Dana Carvey:Okay. Let's not play it. Should I talk about it first or play it? Discuss it first. I'll discuss it a little bit first. So here we've queued up the Biden that I did. So at the time that I did Biden, I wasn't, I felt like he was a little underserved with the, with the talk shows and so forth. So I just felt that because Trump was Mr. Border for like years, we've got to close it. We're going to close it like nobody's business. And then all of a sudden, about six months before the election, the Democrats saw that this was a, they were very vulnerable on this issue. So Biden comes out there as the border guy, you know, almost aggressively out of nowhere.

20:55Dana Carvey:And I was also breaking down some hooks. I like Biden as the fifties guy with the ice cream and also threatening people and his attitude. So this was me coming on to Biden, making this point of how funny it is that suddenly he's the border guy. I started with Biden because the border's all the rage now. Everyone's crazy for the border. So I did Biden three years ago and he's at a press conference. Mr. President, do you have any idea of how are you going to handle the crisis at the border? And Biden's like, first of all, let's get our facts straight. There's no crisis at the border. Great when you go up like that.

21:28Dana Carvey:And he goes, how do you know, sir? He goes, because it says so on the piece of paper. Come on. It says on the paper. It says the paper right there. And then recently, everyone wants to close the border. Everyone's screaming. Biden's up there. I'll close the border harder than anyone's ever closed the border. I know how to close the border. Come on, Jack. The press is like, but last time, get your facts straight. I'll beat you the hell out of you. What are you, dog, pace, pony's shoulder? Come on. Let's do some push-ups. I'll close the border like nobody's ever closed the border. of the border patrol, the border can't believe it's not butter.

22:01Dana Carvey:There's Heather back then. That's a good ending. So again, yeah. So I forgot about the one because Biden always would have a binder and he'd have, you know, things he was reading from. So here on the piece of paper was probably the most edgiest thing. But I just want to say is that my mantra is, my rule is, if I do satirize somebody, is that it's funny, first of all. I'm just trying to see if there's anything in there An elephant in the room, nothing's being touched And mostly when I look at that It's funny, and I've had people Who were really strong Biden supporters Who said, I really laughed at that So, at the time, it was like, what's he doing?

22:43Yeah, underserved And I think, and that got millions of views When you count Facebook Whoops!

22:49Dana Carvey:Got really sent around A million views It did just because it hadn't been really put out there. And then I ended up doing it on SNL after that. Right. And SNL wasn't really doing Biden. They didn't have a Biden really. And I know a lot of places focused on Trump from talk shows to whatever. And Trump's way easier. Says funny things already. You almost don't have to do anything. But it always gets an applause. But in comedy, you should go the other way sometimes and say, okay, well, what is being underserved here? okay, Biden is the actual president. There's got to be something funny. Every president gets made fun of.

23:30And I do think it was you doing that sort of woke people to go, oh, there is a funny thing about Biden that isn't super offensive. It doesn't take sides. No, it's kind of playful. You have a funny Trump and you have a funny Biden.

23:44Dana Carvey:We had the Biden when I was not here where he just would sit off to the side and itch his nose in slow motion. It's so funny. That got a lot of, because it's only from observing him because he was the president. Yeah. You know, and then I, when he, when he started sort of being louder, you know, that was sort of helped me because he would whisper, I know how to close the border. Because I know how to close the borders of any time. And so that rhythm gave me energy for him, but it was just something that I did just because I wanted to. So there's one more that was probably got a little more attention.

24:20Dana Carvey:Behind the clips. Yeah. Oh, this is Fauci, right? Yeah. Because this was something also I felt was a little underserved. Yeah, no one made fun of Fauci. And I was like, look, anyone I do, I don't hate them. I don't have any, you know, and mostly I just thought it was funny. Fauci was the face of COVID and he had to sell it in a way. and it was changing and mutating rapidly. So you had to get different boosters with different mRNA medicine in them. And so he had to be the face of that, but he didn't want to discourage people from getting the vaccine. So I actually was driving from Tahoe and I was talking to my sister on the phone and this whole thing came out and even the ending too came out.

25:10Dana Carvey:So let's take a look. i miss covid i know you dude you know what i knew there was trouble when anyone that came to our country didn't have to get a vaccine and i go if you're telling me i can't go to work but everyone everyone coming in doesn't have to get one i go well once we found out when fauci said okay i'm sorry if you've had two boosters and two vaccines you can get and give colby to another guy who's had five vaccines and four boosters what's the difference between a vaccine and a booster i I don't know, just more vaccine, but booster sounds better. Anyway, a guy with 25 vaccines would get and give COVID to another guy with 25 vaccines.

25:50Dana Carvey:That's why I'm introducing the daily COVID show. Every day you get a shot. By the time you get to your car, you got no immunity, but it's a beautiful 39 seconds. A nice little push in there. Also saying I miss COVID is funny. People are going, oh, really? The comments are, you miss COVID. We're like, we're joking. fuck face of course and i didn't know i was gonna do the glasses coming down hilarious but uh but anyway that was the same thing it just felt like it sort of had to be said but also like again it's just funny as well two guys with four boosters and three vaccines can when you see someone on tv every day for two years because he's on tv giving reports and he has no one's saying no one's saying a spin on it no one's doing a joke here's a common denominator we all know who this guy is now it's time to make fun of him snl finally did but it was brad pitt doing fauci but he was sort of an homage it was like thanking america yeah and it was not now someone to kind of go at him and do an actual like funny take where it's making fun of him i think was appropriate and it was uh overdue well we're supposed to kind of uh supposed to do a little fun with our our authorities.

27:03Dana Carvey:He was the authority during this time. And we're, uh, we're just asking questions in a funny way. But I think before that there was so much political tension and around people, vax, anti-vax, that whole thing that it's hard to land something like that and make it really funny. And so, um, but you helped me out a lot in that listening and laughing and Heather. yes it was all me and heather uh so that's good that's behind the clips behind the clips number one thing to make sure it's funny when you satirize someone number two have some sort of truth that's not really been talked about that's a little bit elephant in the room kind of stuff um and that was the job that fauci had to do and i don't i i don't i it wasn't an easy job As far as the Wuhan lab, that's a whole other thing.